Naturally Sexy--a Man's Perspective


The piece below was written by Charles, the creator and editor of Me & Everybody Else. Check it out!


I went with my fiancee’ to Victoria’s Secret the other day, and they had an advertisement that read “Natural is the new sexy.”

But Natural is the only sexy that matters. Because truth is the only real beauty.

The word itself, “natural,” is friggin' marvelous. Take a deep breath, close your eyes and peacefully articulate the word. “Naa-tchu-ral,” it’s like a big silver slide. You climb the ladder on the first syllable and slowly speed back down on the rest. Now try the same thing with the words “false,” “fake,” “sham,” and “phony,” and tell me what childhood toys or playground objects come to mind.

I love natural women, especially natural Black women. Their hair, nails, eye lashes – everything about them. And I don’t have anything against a nice relaxer, or a gentle amount of foundation, but there is something powerful and regal about a natural Black woman. Her hair is the clearest example of this.

Women of other ethnicity’s, their hair falls by nature. It drops, and drapes, and hangs loosely. But a Black woman’s hair rises by nature. It blossoms against the current of life. At its best, it swirls and spins like the earth, or the sun – a supernova of sublimity and strength. And like any other heavenly body, a Black woman’s natural hair demands nothing less than orbit: total praise from every physical thing within her influence, all revolving around her omnipotence – instinctively, humbly, and altogether. Whether dynamically drifting, or stationary and rooted, every living thing that finds itself before a Black woman’s natural hair is designed to stare and wonder.

I’m not hating on a nice relaxer, some woven extensions or wigs, but there is some freedom, sunshine and spirituality in naps. In the waves and the curls. In the nature of our true selves. And to become confident in those things about ourselves that grow without our instruction, move without our control, and progress despite our individual will – to investigate, wrestle with, and master those things about us that just are us – is to reach the pinnacle of sexiness, because who wants to fall in love with a lie?

I want to be in relationship with people who share my courage to courageously be myself. Who have tried and tried again to be their own truths and maybe experienced some shame for it, but got back up and found a way to make their own way. Who still struggle with that truth everyday, but have found peace in the process. Who feel good about being them. Even if their version of them, isn’t what everyone else would like them to be.


Comments, feelings, thoughts...

44 Weigh in!:
naturalcurls said...

what an affirming way to start the morning!

Anonymous said...

I love this! Especially the quote "Truth is the only real beauty." I put that on FB this morning.

Gigglz said...

Love it. After seeing, Chris Rock's "Good Hair" documentary it brings to mind that black men actually find that not being able to touch a womans hair is a lack of intimacy and being natural allows for them to connect with us. How vanity can cause a lack of intimacy..good to hear a man embrace natural!

LBell said...

That was lovely. Some women will really get a boost from reading this today.

Unknown said...

POWERFUL.

Anonymous said...

First, where are men like him hanging out? No, not men that just say they like natural hair, but rather men that want/have a natural-haired bella on their arm.

Second, his article makes sense in theory. But, in reality I’ve observed something totally different. At present, I think it’s of-the-moment for men to say they love women that rock the fro. However, when it comes down to choosing a mate, the majority of men (Black men in particular) opt for women that sport the Eurocentric-like tresses. Just take a look at the Black couples in Hollywood (not the best example, I know, but notably the most recognizable example). How many of the black females in Hollywood are sporting their natural hair? Bingo!

I truly hope this preference towards natural hair is more of a trend and not a fleeting fad. We shall see…

ljkelly said...

I love it. Thank you for sharing.

Anonymous said...

That was awesome! =) Thank you!!!

Laquita said...

Wonderful :o) Thanks for shairng.

KeetaRay said...

Awesome!! Thank you for sharing!!

Luvbenet-- said...

Wow.... I love a black man who loves a natural black woman! So many don't!!!

E_v said...

That was awesome!

Thank you!

Anonymous said...

Wow that was really breautiful! It encourages me..

Leslie said...

Well said! This could be the “preamble” to the natural hair “Declaration of Independence” – (lol)

Urban Homeschoolers Of Columbus said...

That was great! I really do not think that black men have "hang ups" when it comes to natural hair. If anything they don't care how a woman's hair looks as long as it is neat. At least that has been my experience. Black men still approach me, and honestly they still find beauty in me and my hair. Also, it may not have anything to do with my natural hair, but has more to do with my new found confidence that I have NOW that I am natural. I did notice however that I attract a certain type of black man now. I no longer attract "thugs" or "street dudes". I mostly attract a "higher quality" of black men now. Again, it may or may not have to do with my natural hair.

Queenofthe4s said...

I second what Leslie says :) This is a powerful read!

At first I thought I was trippin, but I can honestly say that I have had more random men tell me that I am beautiful at the most random moments...pumping gas, walking out of Wal-mart...just random. Nothing has changed about me other than the way I wear my hair.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for such beautiful words. As a person who is currently transitioning out of her relaxer and doesn't receive a whole lot of support or has people just watching silently, this is a wonderful 'shot in the arm' of confidence, especially coming from a man. Thank you once again.

Anonymous said...

So beautifully written.

Sheena LaShay said...

That sounds just like my boyfriend. He's one of those that likes natural women...all around natural.

Anonymous said...

Awesome blog. This will give some sisters extra pep in their step for the day.

Moni said...

I love it! Though he'd never express it like that, my bf feels the exact same way. There's nothing like a man who loves you exactly the way you are. "Truth is beauty" should be his motto. It's when I think I look my worst (no makeup, casual clothing, etc) that he thinks I looks my best.

Anonymous said...

The 5th paragraph blew me away! (Women of other....) AWESOME!

As for "the reality of what men really feel", well, I can't say, I'm not a man but I believe what this one stated were his true feelings. Why is what was said here so unbelievable? I honestly believe men believe what WE believe; if we feel confident and beautiful, men see us as confident and beautiful. Whether we're relaxed or natural. Period.
T.J.

Anonymous said...

Kudos for this man to freely express himself on this delicate issue. In my book, his words only benefit him. We as women should know who we are without flattery, and the affirmation of others. That's confidence of one's TRUE self.

Anonymous said...

I loved this article. I wish more men had this view but many times they still like/want 'hair that hangs'. I have a friend who, while he like me, has says my hair looks like a bush and prefers it straight. Of course I don't care what he thinks, I'm going to always be my natural, truthful self.

Tish said...

Absolutely the best explanation of how I feel about wearing my natural hair, skin, nails and lashes! Sexiness shines from within and (no disrespect to those who like to add shine) me being natural in every possible way is the ultimate expression of love and acceptance for myself!!!!

Liza said...

This sounds just like my husband. He loves me in all my natural glory and hates fake nails, hair, makeup, etc...

ChocolateMom said...

Great article. I met my boyfriend while I was transitioning (long transition during which time I wore braids/twists the whole time). Because of the conversations we had during my transitioning journey, by the time it came for me to begin rocking my natural tresses, I felt confident and supported. I wish more of our brothas, and our community in general, felt this way.

Terra D said...

*Tear* This made me feel amazing! I have always been one that goes for the natural (makeup, hair) just being myself. This was truly inspiring. I LOVE men that aren't afraid to voice their feelings and uplift black women!

Unknown said...

Absolutely loved it!!

Unknown said...

Fantastic article. I'm going to share it with everyone I know.

c. janae said...

I love it...if only every man felt this way about natural hair!

NewbieNaturalDiva said...

Love it! :)

OMB said...

That was eloquently put!!!!

DivaDr175 said...

wow! That was wonderful to read. Thanks!

Shell said...

This is beautiful. Truthfully, all the men in my life love my natural hair. I have never gotten a bad comment. His words just affirm what I have been always been told and feel about my hair.

Lorrett said...

Wow! That's amazing to me. I wish every man was that way. It brought tears to my eyes.

svrbrownsuga said...

AMEN!!!! I wish more men and women felt this way. Very inspirational :D

Maria said...

Wow I love this. I should print it out and have my DH read it to me in bed LOL

Anonymous said...

it was refreshing to see this article, my boyfriend feels the same way, he loves the way my hair feels and look. Kudos to the gentleman that wrote this article, maybe more women will go natural..

CURLYNIKKI said...

lol @ Maria! Girl you are crazy!

Anonymous said...

There are LOTS of men who love natural black women. However, many of them are other ethnicities. Yup, I heard it too from black men also "in theory" LOL.

But I actually find what the man expressed above (on a personal level as well as several other black natural beauties, whom I converse with) come from the sentiment of white men also. Check out the positive YouTube raves by white men on black beauty.

I love who will love me back. :o)))

Anonymous said...

inspirational. [..Black woman's hair rises by nature. It blossoms against the current of life] ♥♥♥itt!

CurlyQueso said...

I LOOOOOOOOOVE THIS ARTICLE!!!!!

Anonymous said...

INSPIRATIONALLY AMAZING!!!!!!!!!! THANK YOU!!

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