filter by category
October 4, 2010

The Accidental Texturizer



Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

by Kat of The Naturalista Files

For the past year, my eyes have been opened to something new. I have developed a habit of staring at strange women everywhere I go. Well that might sound weird, so let me further explain. You see, I laid off the creamy crack almost two years ago. I then Big Chopped a little over a year and a half ago. I'm always on the lookout for beautiful and bouncy kinks and curls.

Imagine my excitement seeing a fellow kinky haired girl at my job. She worked in another department, so our interactions would be brief, but glowing. I admired the beautiful crown that she big chopped a year earlier than I had. We traded tips and tricks. She introduced me to Kinky Curly, y'all!! It was a perfect budding friendship. I was filled with pride to see someone a few years younger than me be bold enough to do what many women my senior wouldn't be brave enough to do.

Well, I got promoted, life got hectic. I saw less and less of my friend. I was hoping she hadn't been laid off in all the recession craziness. I couldn't even find her number. Imagine my surprise when just last week, (this was a few weeks ago) she tapped me on the shoulder. I turned and saw a familiar smiling face, but then my smile became phonier than a two dollar bill.

Why you ask? Her hair was gone!! It was now in a smooth, low bun. I searched her head for curls as we continued the obligatory weather chit chat. Something was terribly suspect. Something reeked of the creamy crack. The obvious happened when our conversation turned to hair.

She complimented me and said how much mine had grown. I stayed mum, for if I had nothing nice to say, I knew to keep my trap shut. But for real, I fumbled out a question like "what about yours"? And then it happened. She divulged the facts.

A hairdresser put what she thought was a deep conditioner in. It was really a texturizer. Hence the limp look. My heart sank. My heart sank even more by the way she so plainly said it all. She shrugged her shoulders and conceded that now her hair was manageable, and it was too much of a headache before.

How could she possibly mean that? I knew she had given up. We said our goodbyes and went about our business. It was quite a sight. I wanted to give her encouragement, but it felt rude. Seeing her reaffirmed why I rock this big fro. Rocking what was given to me naturally, at birth, is what makes me stand tall.

I truthfully don't know why it even bothered me. Maybe because her glow was gone, and she looked less vibrant. Maybe because there are moments, where I too, am tempted to go back to the white stuff. Just to make it 'easier". But who would this be easier on? This is the way I was made. Loving it (and me) in its natural form, truly is easier.


What do you guys think? How would you feel if faced with someone who all of a sudden "went back"?

77 Chime in!:

Anonymous said...

It's her hair, her choices. I understand the sense of loss/sadness because you feel like there is a connectedness with other naturals. However, as proud as we should be for rocking our natural hair and what God gave us the judgement has to stop. To each his own. It's not the end of the world because someone wears their hair straight. Everyone cannot handle the time it takes to research, educate, and equip theselves (or chooses not) in order to properly care for and manage their natural hair. It's okay to still engage and talk with those individuals - our differences are what make us all unique. We can't be the same - what fun is that. :-)

Anonymous said...

I agree with the above post. Her coworker should also love herself and her hair in whatever state it is in. It would make no sense for her to walk around sad about the incident for another 2 years, all she really can do is embrace it. Everybody does not have to be natural, just us special ones ;-)

Redbonegirl97 said...

A good friend of mine that was on the transitioning journey with my recently fell back into the creamy crack. I was really disappointed with her because she let other people rule what she did with her hair. Especially her mother and husband. They kept making her feel bad about trying out new styles. In the end in both cases it's their hair and they can do what they please, it just kinda sucks to see someone put that much work into it and then give it up.

Peace, Love and Chocolate
Tiffany

Shenna Nanette said...

Well I too have been victim to the Accidental Texturizer. It was the worst thing ever. I had a delicious fro that I've been growing 2 years and in one salon visit it was all gone. I was told it was a deep conditioner. My hair had been washed and I sat with it in my hair for a little while as I would a DC. However, I started my process over and my hair is even longer now than it was then and I BC'd after a year of transition. I knew chemicals weren't for me. But, as for her coworker, I agree it's her hair and choice. Natural hair isn't for everyone as relaxed hair isn't. The accidental texturizer is common in Dominican Salons as most don't want to go through the hassle of curly/kinky hair. It takes longer than straight/relaxed hair.

Lori said...

I'm still trying to sort through why some of us take it so hard when other people decide to use chemicals in their hair. Sometimes I wonder if my natural hair Nazi-ism is a defense mechanism...as if I'm trying to forcefully convince myself daily that I'm doing the right thing because perhaps deep down I, too, feel that straight hair would be easier to care for. As opposed to just doing my own thing and not minding other people's hair business. I just don't know.

I understand the sense of loss of kinship with another curly, esp. in the workplace, where so often we find ourselves alone, but a part of me wishes I could HAPPILY endorse healthy hair period, whether it's relaxed or not, and not view a friend's/acquaintance's choice to go back to relaxer as a personal betrayal. By not accepting another woman's choice of hair style/state, I don't want to become the negative natural version of those relaxed women (and/or relatives, friends) who don't support our curly choice.

Anonymous said...

However you choose to wear your hair is fine with me. Its nice to have a little support but its also nice to be the one thats different from the rest. No big deal.

But if someone does anything as drastic as to put a chemical in your hair without your apppoval I say you should be able to sue.

kimvan said...

It's only hair please stop overreacting, individual choice and all that should be respected

Natural-ness (LV) said...

To each her own. Your job is to just be who you are and sport your natural hair with pride. Who knows, maybe you can be an inspiration to someone else. On another note, I'd be extremely angry if a so-called "deep conditioner" turned out to be a texturizer. That is why I have not stepped foot into a salon in five years (except when I went in for my 2nd BC and an occasional braiding salon where they don't even wash hair). Wow!

Cocoabella said...

Well, the "accidental texturizer" happened to and I was NOT happy! At the time I was still getting my hair flat ironed so it was not immediately obvious right away, but once my hair hit the Texas heat and humidity and did not respond I knew that I had been duped! I can't see how your co-worker was so nonchalant about being lied to. I was livid! I tried working with it for several weeks and then gave up and repeated my whole big chop, this time opting out of the flat iron and really learning how to manage my kinks and curls.

GlamaDiva said...

I can understand her sense of disappointment..after all they had started together, but as all has stated...to each its own. HOWEVER, I would be highly PISSED if my stylist put relaxer/texturizer in my hair when I didn't ask. There would be some charges that day, lol. Wow, I'm in awe that their are stylist that would lie and do such a thing.

Chéri said...

i would have been pissed if someone did that to me which is why i come with my own stuff and watch them like a hawk and explain to them only use my products when i do go the salon. however, i don't go often.

on another note......I agree with the first 2 anonymous comments,Lori, anonymous 3 and kimvan but i need to add my own because this story is disturbing to me and I've been natural like forever!

The woman's glow wasn't gone, she just couldn't see it because apparently you can't accept her because she's no longer natural. I've been with my hair a long time and will never force my belief on someone else. If you have to be phony with her then you never really had real connection. I feel it's sad that the only thing that drew you to her was her hair...even after getting to know her. She should not be looked down upon, it is only hair after all.

All my life i had to deal with people questions about my hair and it's annoying at times, but i'm glad i inspire people.I hope once you fully settle into this "natural world" you stop judging other people so harshly. Yes lots of people have psychological issues when it comes to hair complexion and eye color, but if it doesn't look bad on them why can't you say that?! Leave the self hate issues they may have to them and their therapist.

i love my curly hair and when everyone was fried dyed and laid to the side, mine was curly and never once did i say OH My God why are you doing that to yourself you would have a glow if you go natural. I have express my opinions on indivdual basises to different people what i recomment for their hair because i use to be a natuarl hair stylist but it was after they asked me a questions or if they want advice i would ask them for going natural or relaxed hair because i would braid/cornrow relaxed hair too. i also would make suggestions if i saw their hair was falling out as i was doing it then i would say you need to stop whatever you're doing to your hair before you lose it all.

If a women has healthy relaxed hair why can't she be complimented by a "natural hair" woman. Of course its going to be a little limp, it's relaxed, but is her hair breaking off, is it moisturized!

Stop shaming the girl, life goes on and she definitely needs to love herself regardless of what accidents happened to her hair. She's allowed to stand tall Too!!

Madeaj said...

I would accept they made a choice and sincerely wish them well.

To the Accidental relaxer victims, what did you do when you figured it out? the whole idea scares me silly. I have had nightmares about it. lol. Do you sue, scream, call the police or the licensing board? The idea that someone would just put a relaxer in someone else hair without permission, its like some kind of attack. It boggles the mind, I don't how I'd react; probably start with a major tantrum.:-D

CH said...

I would be sad for that person, but in the end it is their choice. I just find it odd that after the "accidental" texturizer, she continued to "treat" her new growth if she was really happy being natural because there are ways to straighten natural hair without chemicals or heat.

Notes to self:

1) STAY OUT OF SALONS!It's my hair and my responsibility to keep it safe.

2)Continue to develop a portfolio of styles and a stash of acecessories so that I am never so desperate that I think I NEED someone else to do my hair.

3)STAY OUT OF SALONS! It's my hair and my responsibility to keep it safe.

4)Find at least one trusted natural friend who can and will do a little sumthin sumthin to my hair if I get so sick that I can't do it myself.

5) STAY OUT OF SALONS! It's my hair and my responsibility to keep it safe.

6)"Just in case" I do succumb to the temptation of going to a salon follow these rules:

A. Keep my eyes and ears open the entire time.
I can nap,read magazines etc. later.

B. Have a "salon" kit with my products in it. No mystery bottles or old switcheroos on my watch.

C. If I really lose my mind and decide to let a stylist trim my hair we will establish the maximum amount to be cut in inches and centimeters before stylist picks up scissors. Make it very clear that there will be NO additional shaping, evening up, etc. and that any deviation from the established guideline will result in forfeit of payment because I will not be paying for what I did not order.

7) STAY OUT OF SALONS! It's my hair and my responsibility to keep it safe.

natural-belle said...

i personally would have sue if a salon put relaxer in my hair instead of treament!! that is terrible.

Chai said...

I would support her regardless of her decision. If she feels the salon wronged her in some way by applying the texturizer, I'd be more concerned and flippant on that matter...but if said friend is happy with the results and her confidence is still able to shine through, more power to her! Who knows what future styles are in her future...maybe next year or month she'll want to rock the largest afro known to man...in the end this is her decision, her choice to wear and style her hair the way that she sees fit.

Anonymous said...

@madeaj- I am thinking the same thing! I keep hearing of these stories. First of all, I would have acted a straight up FOOL in the salon, which could have led to my arrest. You don't mislead people on something like chemicals. Heck, I have a fit if I find out there was pork or red meat in my food that wasn't listed. Second, I would sue them for every penny they had and ever owned. I am not sure why people are so passive about this issue...

Madeaj said...

This makes me think back to my relaxer days. Does anyone remember going to the salon between touch ups and coming out with your hair looking so nice and smooth. Smoother than you could get it at with what you thought were similar treatments at home? I wonder if all that time, everytime the beautician put on a "deep conditioner" it was really a mini touch up? That is why my hair seemed so much straighter and smoother after a salon visit. In addition, maybe why the hair started showing so much damage after a while?

petty said...

Yep her hair,her choice. It sucks that her hair is texed because you bonded over hair...perhaps there's other qualities that you like in her? (I'm sure there's more to her then the dead follicles on her head.)

I was in the same situation where my sister was natural but insisted that relaxed was easier for her. I got her down to a mild texturizer which I helped her apply. She's happy with her choice and I'm happy with mine. This is one thing I love about our relationship out of all my history of friendships and family I've had. We support each other's wishes and life choices with low judgment - I have yet to find anyone else who accepts me so completely that I've learned to curb my judgment on others. I'll do me while other's do them.

Anonymous said...

Well, personally- I think it's ok to feel this way. It's ok to FEEL someone has loss the glow you perceived when they revert to chemicals. So what. I mean, men often feel like a woman has lost "it" if they cut their hair, if/when they go natural too sometimes. Everyone has a right to their feelings on any given subject whether it has to do with them or not. Apart from that- I have a friend who led ME to the natural path. She has since reverted to relaxers. At first I was disappointed because I was still on the journey and she went back to what was "safe". I didn't dwell on it- I kept moving forward. BUT I had a right to feel that way AND we're still friends. It's not such a big deal. They're just feelings.

LBell said...

Gotta chime in on the side of "her hair, her choice, don't take it personally..."

But honestly, I've always been suspicious of "accidental texturizer" stories. I have been texturized (and, of course, relaxed) and I find it hard to believe that people don't know the difference (if not by SMELL than anything else) between a permanent texture-altering chemical and a plain DC. Another huge hint is that if they have to apply it with gloves on, or with a comb -- anything that doesn't involve them touching it with their bare hands -- RUN!

Yes, there are DCs that reduce my frizz and kinda-sorta-barely give me a texturized "look" (again, I've been chemically texturized; I know what it looks like) but the next time I wet or wash it always goes back to its original state. I believe old girl deliberately got a texturizer simply based on the assertion that "it's more manageable now and it was too much of a headache before." Why not just say that rather than making herself out to be a victim?

I don't ask anybody to represent ANYTHING. Natural happens to be right for ME. I personally think it's right for everybody. But I can't tell someone else what to do with their hair...and because of that, I'm not going to personally invest in their choices because ultimately they're not about me!

Leo the Yardie Chick said...

Ok, just one thing bugged me about this whole post - salons sneaking straightening products into people's hair. That happened to my friend and it pissed her OFF. One year later and her hair's not the same. Me? I would have committed some crime or the other, that's for sure! I'm not sure what crimes, but who knows what would happen once blind rage took over?

All the more reason for me to wash and condition my hair myself!

Sneeka said...

I understand the sadness - it was a relationship built on the common hobby/lifestyle choice.

Meanwhile - I love my hair, however it is. Sometimes I get bored and want a perm, and after a few months of that I get bored and want to chop it all off. We all have our own individual hair journeys. However, but it's not nice to belittle someone based on their hair choices. We can't worry about what everyone else should do, we can only control our own actions.

VII MAGAZINE said...

I agree with the "her hair, her choice" but this makes me weary of hair salons. I'm supposed to go on wednesday and I'm a bit nervous. I may wash, condition, blow dry before I go because I don't trust hair stylists. I suggest you forgive your friend and try to find something else to bond over.

Tiredofthistalk said...

It's her hair and her damn choice. Leave her be. Sometimes I feel like we treat natural hair the same way we treat relaxed hair. It is NOT a pedestal! It does not make you a better person, a nicer person, a more 'glowy person'... whatever! The substance of people has much more to do with their hair. If people's hair choices make you sad, then perhaps you should be reexaminig your motives for going natural, or your definition of what confident/happy/vibrant is. (Sorry to beb picking on you, but I read thisw all the time and i am starting to get fed up with it.)

Takeysha said...

I can sooo relate to this post as ive stated on several posts that this happen to me almost two years ago..only thing was i couldnt act a fool in the salon because they stylist was my GOOD friend who swore she did nothing wrong..but i knew better and once i went to my regular stylist she confirmed it...the ONLY good result from that whole trajedy was that now im the only person who does my hair...and im actually getting pretty good at it

Anonymous said...

HOLD ON HOLD ON!!! WHOLE UP!!!! I'm getting mad.

Not because of anyone chosing on their own to texturize their hair a person had a right to do with their hair what they want.... but how dare a hair salon just put a texturizer in a woman's hair and say it is a "conditioner?" Suppose this woman didn't want her hair texturized! THIS IRRITATES ME!

How many people have had this happen to them? I wish someone WOULD do that to me!

Anonymous said...

The choice regarding the expression of one's individuality remains exclusively with that person.

Tina-FFM

Stephanie said...

I, personally, have never had chemicals in my hair. I have always been natural, but I would get my hair "done" every two weeks and the stylist would press AND curl my hair wih the flatiron. It would be bone straight and very cute. But over time, all that straightening and flatironing has wreaked serious havoc (lots of split ends, not to mention thinning hair in the crown area). I am now 100% committed to my natural hair care and NOT using heat. It does take work, time, research and patience.

Having said that, I wish after all this, I would go to a stylist and they put some chemical in my hair lying saying i was a DC. I would raise all kinds of hell. Not only would I sue the hairdresser, I would sue the salon. I am an attorney...so trust me, I definitely would.

JAY said...

I can understand your disappointment, it seems always refreshing to have a hair buddy especially at work. I have a few, and even some hair haters (naturals who want to give compliments but won't...but just stare enviously)... Anyway continue to stand tall and rock your God given hair.

This is a great post by the way.

sewdope said...

if anyone told me a stylist accidentally gave them a texturizer i'd give them the serious side eye. did they accidentally give you one of did you accidentally ASK for one? anyway, it doesn't matter. it's their choice. (wo)man up and own it.

if a professional accidentally put any permanently altering chemical on my hair i'd be on every news channel and i'd sue the crap out of the salon. how does someone nonchalantly accept that, shrug and keep it moving? sounds fishy.

Jeannette said...

Because feel a connection to other naturals and realize how unique we are, if I saw someone go back to the creamy crack in my mind, I would be like, "NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" LOL However, if it makes life easier for her, then I wish her well but I couldn't do it. I find it funny that she was so nonchalant about the 'accident' of the Salon putting in a texturizer instead of conditioner. Yes, there are days where my hair gets on my nerves (like today is one of those days) but I have no intentions of going back to the creamy crack and I hope my feelings stay this way forever.

Sabrina said...

Hum that would be a no no for me, just let some stylist try and pull a fast one over me with the switch and putting the creamy crack in my hair. I would definitely go off in a heartbeat, and at that moment it would cause to have a stun gun and put that beytoch on blast. Then go all off on her body as she is twitching on the floor.

I would dare someone to try and stop me, and if I have to go to jail then so be it. But you just don't mess with a black womans hair, and think that you can get away with it. But then again you have some women that don't mind, and just shrug it off as oh well I don't mind because now its much more manageable. Hum side eye look and punches coming your way. Yeah I should have been on Madea Goes to Jail but I have put in alot of good trial and error on my hair. But to let a female relax it by sneaking some conditioner with it into my hair with chemicals into it.

But to the friend alas you may feel dissapointed that your friend has now been textaled or permed. But it's done, and its her head and her money that paid for it all. All you can do is go and do a quick prayer, and keep it moving. Don't be mad at her, and definitely don't let this ruin the friendship. Because a good friend is definitely hard to keep now these days.

Timmik said...

@lbell when I was natural three years ago I went to a domincan salon for a blowout, they did a deep conditioner smelled no chemicals, I don't think they are putting a actual perm in your hair but some ingredients in dominican condtioners are questionable, and the perfumes can mask the smell, I did not find out until 2 weeks later when I went to wash my hair it smelled like chemicals and did not revert back at all, after a couple of weeks and still no reversion I went and got another relaxer after a couple of times of bad burns, I transitioned for 5 months big chopped, and now have been natural again for a year this time I understand my hair will never have the big bouncy curls that I hoped I would get that products claim, I have embraced what my hair can do and now understand what products I can use and cant, if I want straight hair that is what a wig is for, I cannot put heat on my hair the front of my hair cannot handle it no matter how low a setting it is, now just waiting for my two year mark so when I do a wash n go and after shrinkage , it will not look like I have a toupee cause its not same wash n go as when I had a short afro

Patrice said...

When I first embraced my natural hair, I wanted every woman to do the same. My zeal for wearing my hair in its natural state was so strong that I began to hate the very appearance of straight hair (chemically straightened that is). I pretty much went overboard and thought that women who relaxed their hair were slaves to this society that was feeding them lies about what is beautiful. Then, one day, I was listening to "I Am Not My Hair" by India Arie. I fell into the trap of thinking that since India Arie wore her hair natural and was a neo-soul artist, then the song must have been an anthem for women with natural hair. That is totally the opposite of what the song is about. She says, "you can shave it off like a South African beauty/ keep it on lock like Bob Marley/ you can rock it STRAIGHT like Oprah Winfrey/ it's not what's on your head, it's what's underneath." Listening to that actually made me appreciate women who choose to relax their hair. Black women know what it means to sit in a shop all day to get our "hurr did." Most of us can identify with the feeling of getting our first relaxers or a fresh perm. It's something that most of us have in common! Why should I look down on a woman with whom I can identify?

The problem is not how we choose to style our hair, it's how we choose to THINK of ourselves based on how we our hair looks. I LOVE having natural hair and I don't see myself picking up a relaxer kit any time soon (if ever); but, if for any reason I wanted to try something new (like the straight style that Jill Scott is rocking right now) then that wouldn't change who I am. That doesn't mean that I think that my natural hair is ugly! That doesn't make me less of a Black woman. I am not my hair! I don't think that it's a crime for a woman to "go back" to a relaxer...as long as she can continue to embrace who she is and not think that she's more or less beautiful because of the way that she styles her hair, then I'm happy for her :)

Anonymous said...

Love this story! Understand how you feel, especially in a work environment, you need all the support you can get of being natural. Having someone go back makes you scratch your head! I wonder if it was a real accidental texturizer or did someone at work make her feel uncomfortable and made her 'go back'? My source of encouragement is everyday when I ride the train into work, I count how many naturals I see vs. relaxed or weaves and the naturals are getting higher. I am starting to see a lot more professional women with natural hair. Gives me hope! My husband even noticed it too!

Anonymous said...

Thanks for sharing, I would not let it bother me because she is not you. She decided this choice for herself, and that is separate from your choices in life. It is a shame some looks people will give others in the corporate world I have found a new respect for the president of Xerox (who is a Black woman with a TWA) it is not easy, and our own do not make it easy either. Do what you feel is best for you, I will as well.

Califabulous said...

Your reaction to "Ms. Texturizer" sounds unfortunately familiar to the looks, stares and unsolicited comments us naturals get all the time-questioning why did we do it (go natural). I do appreciate that you were able to hold your tongue and not insult the young lady but I imagine your face said it all. You know what it takes to be a natural- it can be really difficult for some to embrace the process and themselves. Can you imagine having beautiful natural hair (as you do) and going back to a perm because you think it's easier or you look better? And even if it wasn't that serious a decision to her, it should have been even less serious to you. A simple, "I loved your natural hair it suited you so well" would have given you a verbal outlet without leaving her feeling ashamed or uncomfortable (if she did feel this way, she probably wouldn't have told you). Of course, you are entitled to your opinion and I'm glad you shared this story.

Lissie said...

It's amazing to see how we as humans can read a post and interpret it different ways! I'm not directing my comments at individual commenters. If you believe I'm doing this underhandedly, I'm sorry...I'm not. I rarely, if ever, comment on Curly Nikki. I'm more of a lurker, lol. However, I'd like to pose a food for thought: Are we, as natural haired women, becoming too focused on being politically correct to the point where we find ourselves shunning or even censoring those who may not look at hair as "just hair"?

@Tiredofthistalk. I can empathize with you hun! However, I also feel like nowadays some of us tend read certain keywords and instead of just listening to a sistah...because of course we've heard it so many times...we unconsciously roll our eyes & just want her to move on. Maybe if we're tired of these posts we should sent CN an e-mail? She's really cool and I'm sure she's open to multiple suggestions :-).

Moreover, I looked at this post from another perspective. Now we all are free to our opinions, but some of the comments toward the blogger are kinda harsh, when she simply gave a scenario. I think her post was taken out of context to a degree.. I cannot speak for the guest blogger (Kat of The Naturalista Files), but I think her post was suppose to be tongue-n-cheek...to an extent, lol. Obviously, it didn't hit the target for a lot of you...BUT I feel like Kat is being wrongfully judged similarly to the woman many "accuse" her of judging. Anonymous @ 11:09 am , Jay (2:23 pm) I agree with what you said. I interpreted that Kay expressed a "feeling of disappointment/shock/surprise" that a buddy had relaxed. Mind you, they were both mentoring each other, so maybe...just maybe Kay was taken aback when her coworker with the fierce fro no longer had a fro.

Furthermore, I think Kay use the term "friend" loosely. I think her "friend" was just a coworker she became good acquaintances with bc of their common bond of being natural. Hopefully Kay might write a rebuttal. My only question is, why such harsh criticism when we don’t even know this woman? Why can’t she just vent like the rest of us? It's like teaming up with a friend to run a marathon and at the last minute the friend drops out. Yes, it's the friend's personal decision which should be respected, but would you not be disappointed as a friend? Would you not have doubts about running the marathon alone? We can claim to be individuals all we want, but everyone wants a partner in crime. Anyway, I didn't interpret that Kat thought she was "better" than her friend. I think she just felt disappointed to not have a coworker/partner in crime and wanted to vent...

I’ll end by saying, maybe this wasn’t the best post related to Curly Nikii’s question. She asked “How would you feel if faced with someone who all of a sudden "went back"? I think the question was lost in translation, because the “friend” accidentally telexed by her hair stylist. Which is a whole other story, lol :-D

Anonymous said...

Well after reading all the comments about how its just hair I giggled because we are all spending valuable time blogging about every aspect of Hair. Everybody including yours truly has friendships based on common interest and when we grow or change so does our company and thats sad especially when it concerns hair which is personal and close to our hearts. I rock like country music awards big hair and love it corporate job or not. Everyone cannot take the spotlight without watering down or changing their image. You have to give acceptance to get acceptance and this girl has changed her mind. I support a woman's prerogative to choose.

Anonymous said...

It takes courage to express your true feelings and reactions about the young lady on your job. To thine self be true. I've had too many bad experiences with salons when I was getting a relaxer, so I'm learning to take care of my natural hair. Stay true to yourself. Great post!

Courtnee' said...

Some of these comments seem so harsh and left me thinking that I misinterpreted something.

Lissie, I agree with you 100%!

Channing said...

Of course it's her choice, but I still completely understand the feelings of disappointment, the decision to be natural, and do what society tells you is not right [and still make it look fly, and envy-able] is a big deal, it creates a bond and a community [ie CurlyNikki] and when any type of bond is broken you feel some type of loss.

You all saying it's no big deal and that the author is over reacting, mean to tell me you HONESTLY wouldn't feel any kind of way if say, Nikki decided to relax her hair? After all the community and support this site has built?

Yea right...


She didn't say she chased the girl down the street or harassed her into transitioning again, she didn't even show she was taken aback, all she did was feel upset and I don't see anything wrong with it. I'd feel the same way.

Marissa said...

yeah, i just don't understand the whole nonchalance over having a chemical put in your hair, when you went in with the intent for a deep condition. are dc and texturizers really so similar in appearance? when i was getting ready to do the bc (after about 6 months), i had a dream that i my sister (who's a beautician) put a perm in my hair...i was so mortified and upset that i knew the bc was the thing for me to do...but to each her own. if i ever step foot in a salon again, i will be sure to make sure the deep conditioner is really a conditioner.

http://pinkpopmash.blogspot.com

Lori said...

I re-read the original article and have just a few more thoughts. The author referred to this woman as a "friend". She mentions having the woman's phone number at one point. I received the overall impression that they were friends, not simply coworkers who chatted about just hair.

The second thing I noticed that I didn't pay as much attention to during my first read was the author saying her smile was phony because if she couldn't say something nice she wouldn't say anything at all. Which then leads me to the conclusion that the coworker may have been embarrassed and/or afraid to admit to her "friend"/the author of the article that she simply wanted a relaxer or texturizer, a change, and thus created the "didn't know it was a texturizer" story because of the possible backlash from her "friend".

Unfortunately, I don't have any really close friends IRL who wear their hair in a natural/kinky-curly state. But I have made some kinky-curly natural friends online and I hope that anyone who calls herself my friend has the guts to be honest with me about a subject that is supposed to be close to both our hearts. If I ever decide to go back to a relaxer for any reason and one of my fellow naturals, who is also a friend, has a problem with it (disappointment, disillusionment, feelings of loss, etc.), I hope that person will feel free to share her thoughts with me.

We may never know how the approach we take with our friends who are relaxed regarding natural hair and what it means particularly to women of color, can make or break their decision to go back to natural or not.

Stephanie said...

I completely sympathize with this story. Just understand that not everyone had the same impact from natural hair as you did. Some people really do feel like it is just hair. Although I agree, my life has changed drastically since I have become natural. Therefore it's not just hair. Hair symbolizes sexuality, so for a women it can affect her whole self esteem. So I do not knock you for feeling upset. I was even a little sad after this story. Take her story as a lesson, stay away from salons (unless its a natural hair salon) and remember not everyone has had a life changing experience from going natural. It's all so objective. :)

Anonymous said...

All I can say, is " I wish a @#!* would"... No seriously, I'm so in love with my hair right now, that the thought of someone breaking up what I've been working so hard to accomplish makes me nauseated. Its like a relationship, we have our ups and downs like any other couple. We have days when we don't get along and I'm ready to dump this dead weight, but we always find some common ground... Just like any other relationship, it takes a lot of patience nurturing and understanding... Its no ones place to tell me or in this case take it upon themselves to place their will on me and my relationship. In this case my relationship is my hair and I wish a @%&# would, break us up in our natural, healthy and unmanufactured love for each other...

Just saying it would be an all out problem, with one of us catching a case... I'm working to hard to get where I'am for the ignorant stylist and the creamy crack to break us up...

BrownEmber said...

Great post :D The end. Lol

PinkGirlFluff said...

A lot of people do not have the cahones to go natural. I think you have to have a great deal of confidence to do because you know that there will people that have something negative to say about it. Once you are all in you have to maintain that confidence or you will go back to relaxers.

Which is perfectly fine. If that is what makes a person feel good about who they are then so be it. Put a super in it and strut your stuff.

But personally, I find my kinks and curls too sexy, too bold, too unique to my head to go back. And bravo to anyone that feels that way about his or her hair regardless of whether it is permed or relaxed or natural.

Kemi2006 said...

I am very dramatic, so for me to say this...WOW!
The writer is dramatic. Really. It is not your hair. Some days I wish my hair was more "manageable" too, I just don't act upon it. The suspense and anguish the writer builds is a little to much. I found it hard to understand the writer's pov.

Just my 2 pennies :-)

Anonymous said...

@Lissie you could not have said this better! I totally agree with you! This was taken out of content, I don't think the Blogger meant any harm in stating her feelings. @Channing (PM 8:34 you are on target as well and I was thinking the same thing; what if CurlyNikki decided to relax again and started to promote the "good health" of relaxed hair; there would be a huge sense of lose and dissapointment! And anyone who say's otherwise "You Wouldn't be Telling The Truth!"

The bottom line is that we all know that "Go Natural" is a challenge in it self all of the obstacles and negetive comments etc...etc...we all know what I'm talking about. the point I'm trying to make is that the connection and bond that we natural's share with each other is important! It means a great deal to a lot of us and while it is essentially "Your Choice" to do what you want with "Your Hair" it's sense of loss when we loose one of our sister's so to speak.

We all know that most likey it was because they either couldn't stick it out...felt it was too hard to deal with...or broke down from the pressures to conform to a standard of beauty! bottom line!!!

Anonymous said...

This post reminds me of this girl I use to see @ the bus stop in the morning on my way to work. She was a natural sister and I could tell that she was trying her best to "Embrace" what God had blessed her with, but some how I could tell it was getting to her. From time to time I would sit next to her on the bus and tell her I liked her hair to encourage her (remind u @ the time I may have had on my "straight" wig or extentions in my hair!)She may have blocked me out! lol Anyways I remembered admiring her and wished that oneday I would have the courage to wear my "Natural Glory" with no fear! Then one day I came to the bus stop and noticed the girl coming out of the station to catch the bus but she had on a hooded jacket; then all of a sudden she snatched of the hood and "Straight Relaxed Hair" dropped just below her earlobes! WTH! I felt a sense of lose! I mean you could see how relived she was not to have to deal with what we deal with when your natural. Hey I wasn't friends with this girl...i didn't even know her but inside i really wished that she had stood the test of time for herself and me! See she was giving me courage to take that "Big Step" even though she didn't know it! Now that I'm natural that is what I think about when i'm feeling a little bad about my hair or thinking that it would be easier to "Fit In" if only I had a relaxer! So no I didn't know this girl but I was disappoint when she decided to "Drop Out" all tha same.

Arcane said...

"The problem is not how we choose to style our hair, it's how we choose to THINK of ourselves based on how we our hair looks."

*nods head*

@ Patrice, you are a very smart lady.

What it means to be a natural is to have the patience to manage your natural hair, the courage to go against the grain, the confidence to wear it proud AND the dignity to allow it to be an expression of yourself WITHOUT requiring other people conform to some collective identity.

Natural hair, like vegetarianism, abstinence or athletic training is a lifestyle choice that means something different for each person. For some it is a defining commitment that they plan to stick to the rest of their lives and those people will meet the many people who will drift on and off that path with them, discovering that that particular path is not for them. Some people are just in an experimental phase and have discovered they don't want to stay on that path, that strong transformational moment hasn't happened to them on that path or there isn't a big difference between the pro's and con's of staying on that path. Each person is different.

I imagine vegatarians are shaking their heads thinking "what does hair have to do with who you are?...it's what you EAT!" lol, and this would just be another missed point.

For example, when I decided to become natural I was very excited. As I learned more about how to care for my hair I began to love my curls and I treat my hair like a spoiled two year old.
But honestly the most revolutionary experience I have had was when I started becoming physically active and athletic. That was the lifestyle choice that had the biggest impact on my life. Being healthy, strong, agile and quick is the most amazing feeling to me and I actually became natural so that I wouldn't be afraid to sweat anymore, lol! It was also the reason why I changed my diet and decided to be a non-drinker (not even social drinking for me).

Now someone made a good point, if I trained with someone to run a marathon and at some point that partner dropped out I would be disappointed and rightfully so. BUT, there is a difference between someone making a commitment to me to adopt this lifestyle for mutual support and someone who is helping me train for the summer because they have nothing better to do. I'm gonna realize that this isn't a serious commitment for them but I enjoyed their company all the same. That's what we have to recognize, not everyone is going to share your enthusiasm about your life changing commitment so allow them to just do them.

KCS said...

What do you guys think? How would you feel if faced with someone who all of a sudden "went back"?

In fact, that happened to me, not once, but twice :). I felt very disappointed because I was so insecure about being natural and needed more naturals in my "crew". Fortunately, we were just internet pals, so I pretended very well (shame on me), but we talked less frequently after that (their relaxing).

Nowadays, almost 2 years of being totally natural (except for some coloring services), I feel a lot more secure. Surely, some days I wish to get a light relax LOL, and dream of a hair more easy to manage, but then, after looking to my coils I change my mind soon. Honestly, what bothers me more about my hair is the short length and not its texture. I think that nowadays I can deal better with relaxed girls, my sister is relaxed and I stopped trying to convince her to go natural (well, sometimes, I do that as a joke, but in the beggining of my journey I want everybody went natural, took it as my special mission on Earth). LOL


As to accidental relaxers... here, in Brazil, is very common to get formol mixtures as deep conditioners. The result is almost as evil as relaxers because at certain point, it's needed to cut the hair. Also, formol is highly toxic, it can bring serious consequences to healthy (there are even cases of death).

xta28 said...

I had a friend who BC'd last year while I was transitioning. I loved her curly fro!!! However, she recently went back to a relaxer this year because of manageability and a new look. I was disappointed but at the end of the day its everyones own decision what they do to their hair. Maybe going natural was just a style to her and not a lifestyle that it is to me. Ladies just keep your hair, body, and spirit healthy no matter how you decide to do that.

The Naturalista said...

Hi everyone. It's nice to see the amount of dialogue this post has resulted in. At the end of the day, it is her hair. It just struck me as odd at the time bc this young lady & I bonded over the experience & it was clear that she was not confident in her "switch". Who knows, she may have gone back to being natural. I am glad to have written about my experience here, for all to start talking. And no, i'm not a natural hair Nazi. To each her own.

Anonymous said...

I have a real problem with the term creamy crack. Drug addiction is serious and shouldn't be used for punchlines.
With respect to this case, I find it very bizarre that someone would be so invested in what is going on with another human being's hair.

Anonymous said...

Jeannette, Sewdope, Sabrina, LISSIE and Channing, I totally agree with all of you, well said!!!
I do think it's a big deal to wear natural hair in American. It is not as accepted as say, relaxed, weaved, wigs, or wearing micro braids (and no, there is nothing wrong with wearing these types of hair styles, totally up to the individual). BUT, wearing natural hair (out in the open) does take a certain inner strength. Especially if you're sporting your natural hair in areas where it is not the norm or have a job in a so called conservative environment. I really admire the ladies who wear their natural TWA's (teeny ween afros), puffs, twists, twists-out, even curly fro's to work. Two thumbs up! A lot of people (including within our own race) still see natural hair as an oddity, or trying to make a statement or be militant when it is really just about choice. We, as African Americans are the only people in this world with this textured hair & I don't see why we shouldn't be proud of it, shoot, it's the hair we wear born & is part of our heritage! Other races of women are proud of their hair. You see them all the time in the media, magazines, movies etc. Now in regards to this post, I understand her disappointment when she found her "hair buddy" had a texturizer. I have been natural most of my life, only getting a relaxer after I was an adult & then going back to natural hair. All of my friends that I have now just happened to be relaxed, (and I'm fine with that), but the last time I had a natural haired friend was in grammar school! So I do understand!
Also, I wanted to say to Takeysha who posted above saying that her friend (who is a stylist) "accidentally" relaxed or texlaxed her hair. Hmm, yeah, that sounds fishy to me, that she "accidentally" texturized your hair. A licensed stylist should not have a problem differentiating between a chemical application & a non chemical one! Let's give her the benefit of the doubt and say she did accidentally start applying the texturizer to your hair, but you cannot tell me that half way through applying a chemical, like a texturizer, she didn't know that it was a texturizer. Even, if it (the texturizer) didn't smell (like most chemical services do), the way your hair reacted to the application (straightening) should have been a red flag for her, so yeah, I really think she knew, if not in the beginning than definitely by the end of the application. I didn't ask if she wore gloves or not because if she did, that right there was a red flag for you, but if she DIDN'T wear gloves, it still would not have made any difference because I have seen a lot of stylist apply relaxers with their bare hands.

**HappyKitty**

P.S.
To the person that commented above me saying: "they found it bizarre that someone would be so invested with another human being's hair"... well what do you think this site is all about??!! People talking about hair, not just their own hair or even you talking about yours, but everyone talking about everybody else's hair too! I don't think she (the original poster of this comment/article/post) was like, dreaming, about the chick's hair or anything. Sheesh!!!

Anonymous said...

This happened to me also. I didn't know until I got braids and took them out. I have been natural since around 2000. I noticed when I took out the braids and tried to do a twist out my hair was so limp and lifeless. There is a big line of demarcation too. But when I dyed my hair it fell out on one side in the back and the texturized hair feels like it rubber when its wet. Its growing out but I can't believe ten years of growth is washed away.

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry for you but once again to the woman that had braids and had been natural for 10 yrs. I would've lost my mind. I sympathize with you.

Anonymous said...

It is called options! What works for you may not work for the next indvidual. Thank God for variety. We are beautiful straight, braided, twisted, kinky or curly. With the proper care and time, our hair can be healthy with or without relaxer. We become ugly when we are judgemental. We are not our hair! It should not define the woman we are or want to be.

Anonymous said...

Two dollar bills aren't phony; they're rare.

Anonymous said...

This just happened to me this past weekend. I have been transitioning for a year and had about 6-8 inches of hard-earned new growth. ( I was going to BC in March when it got a little longer) I went in to Estelas Beauty Salon In the Bronx (241 W 231st St) and she claimed she put in a deep conditioner when in reality it was a texturizer WITHOUT MY CONSENT! I shouted vehemently that I DID NOT WANT CHEMICALS in my hair and I was bold-faced lied to. Now my 3b/3c Curls are FRIZZY and have no definition! I want to cry, all of that hard work inner pride and glow, is completely gone. I am left with DRY, BRITTLE, and Breaking hair and a dry scalp. The reasons why I decided to go natural in the first place! I am sooooo frustrated sad, defeated and confused. Now What!? Do I have to go through all of that AGAIN this year and wait Another year to BC? I am reporting her to the state board! DO NOT GO TO A DOMINICAN salon for a blow out if you want to maintain your natural hair. THEY HATE THEIR AFRICAN ROOTS and yours! Literally!

Anonymous said...

It's just hair. I've worn mine relaxed, natural and now I'm texturizing (and yes, I'm very aware it's a chemical process). I think when we let our hair define who we are (or are not), we create artificial divisions amongst ourselves.

mspete said...

My hair is thinning in the crown,however over the last ,I have seen some growth. The rest of my hair is just about a1/2 inch long. Would a texturizer be ok,I kind of like the length,because I was wearing very very short,I was goin to a barber about every 2wk?

Anonymous said...

Her choice... also, it's not like she did it on purpose... even so, if she likes it that way, she can choose to keep it that way...
You make it sound like you don't want to be her friend. Was that all your friendship was based on?

newlynatural said...

love all the commments. I did the big chop about a year ago, and rocked a wig at work for while and then I said to helll with it. I love my natural, personally, but some times the negatives from co-workers makes me doubt that. Today was a frustrating day of "I like you better with your hair staight" or "this is not my favorite look on you" so I was tempted to go to a salon after work and get a texturizer.. but reading the comments here has given me the support I needed to stand tall, as It's all about me and right now, I am loving being au natural. Thank you my "sisters" . I agree its all about what makes you feel good, as long as you do it for you and no one else!

Anonymous said...

Just saw this... Felt like commenting. I think that people take hair too seriously. As long as whatever you do to your hair is not harming you health-wise or anyone around you, you should do what you like. I have switched back and forth between perms, natural state hair, brazilian keratin treatments, color, and back to natural again. The things I do to my hair have NOTHING to do with my confidence, self love or hate, or another race. I get bored with my hair and like to try new things. It might be a chemical process, but its not that serious (unless you end up bald of course).

I was really sad that the person in the story was so crestfallen because the girl's hair changed. Natural hair is becoming more of a fad than a liberation... and I'm sorry that society has made you feel that not only was your kinky hair inferior, but that to fight back you had to "proudly rock your natural hair"... and further more that people are "giving up" or "selling out" if they get perms. That is simply just another (negative) effect of society.

Do what YOU want. Ef em. Learn to look in the mirror and decide for yourself if you like what you see... and if you do, forget the haters.

Anonymous said...

Oh yea... same person again. And the one time in my life that I did have a texturizer (very mild one), my hair was at its best! It grew long, it still had plenty of its original curl, it was less of a pain to deal with, and when my new growth came in, you couldn't really tell.

Anonymous said...

I think a lot of people went back to the relaxer because of the reasons they went natural in the first place. If you're following a trend then you may find yourself weakening when having to deal with bad hair days (easily dealt with by using a ponytail). Some of the people who talk about manageability makes me wonder if they want unrealistic hairstyles for their hair type (flowing curly (3b). I went natural without knowing that there was some movement going on. I have never been able to maintain my relaxed hair so I gave up on that and it had no volume. It started feeling ridiculous doing head flips to achieve something I knew my own hair could do. I've been like 6 months natural - never felt like going back to relaxer. I didn't know how to comb my natural hair as a child (I took over because my mom's combing sessions were torturous! :)). And when in doubt I'd just put one plait or a bun with little side plaits. I enjoyed playing in my hair and I'm learning to have that fun again. So if the wash and go is not working for you - tie it up.

And as for an accidental perm - I would go back and give the stylist a piece of my mind. Personally I do not need a stylist. I learn to do it all myself. If they don't add chemicals, they over do it on the heat and it's such a shame to go back to square one. I think that's how the girl felt - the author said she had been natural for 2 years and to have someone ruin that in a few hours. I'm sure she's too tired to fight it. No matter how pissed you are at the stylist, you are the one who must make that journey all over again.

sunny said...

What texturizer is the very mild one you use?? I've been natural for almost 3 years now and I just want a change. Thinking of a texturizer but I don't want a serious permanent relaxer... Suggestions?

Bea said...

I don't think you should've been so crestfallen because someone changed her hair. She can do what she wants with her hair. And just because she decided to straighten it doesn't make her a bad person. You don't have to wear your natural hair just to prove that you're proud of your heritage. It's great if you want to go natural, but don't make other people feel bad just because they don't make the same choices you do.

Teisha Jones said...

Usually its permed heads that seem a little judgemental to me, but this poster was definitely the judgemental nelly in this case. Perm heads and natural heads can both be beautiful. So she went chemical, thats her BUSINESS! Im sure you dont like it when permed heads judge u so who are you to judge somebodyelse. There are all different forms of beauty for you to say she seemed less beautiful because she put chemical in her hair turned me COMPLETELY off. Its hair! Smh

Teisha Jones said...

Exactly!

Teisha Jones said...

I want one too. Im at that point where i just want a change too, i want my hair to lay all the way down w/o all the heat and extra hours spent on it. I still want some curls, but i do want it to lay dwn more

Antoinette Gulley said...

Man... wow judging people by their hair...Classy

ANONYMOUS said...

I went natural because I felt like I wasn't being real with myself. Plus at that time I had had a curly perm and couldn't get in the pool if I wanted and that annoyed me. I also couldn't wash my own hair without messing it up. Without knowing this natural hair fadish was going on I went natural. It has been a year and couple months and I don't know how to take care of it. All my life I had had chemicals and the natural hair was SO HARD to manage for me. I decided today to get a texturizer. Once applied I almost began to cry feeling like I gave up on my naturalness. But once I began to moisturize my hair and it was so much more manageable and walah, no more fairy knots. I feel like I made the right decision. FYI, ladies, it's just hair, people do what they want with it. Yea, you can be proud of your hair but why make it a movement? It's JUST HAIR

N/A said...

trust me, i know EXACTLY what you mean when you talk about how managing natural hair is hard! It looks really nice and i admire it on many people but it just takes up so much of my time, especially because i transitioned instead of doing the BC about a year ago. I would have really liked to stick it out and see how my hair would have turned out but now i'm thinking of using a texturizer too. It's good to know that my hair can still be healthy and look good after texturizing!

Post a Comment

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...
From our partners