Natural Hair Snobbery

photo credit: Le Coil


I received an email from an anonymous texlaxed reader who has concerns about the tone of some of the articles and spotlights featured on CurlyNikki and similar natural hair blogs. She feels that the Pro Curly attitude can sometimes result in exclusivity and that while we embrace our curls and empower and encourage one another, we simultaneously leave other women feeling left out or even worse, bashed. She gave me permission to share some of the key points in order to generate discussion.

Anonymous writes:


...Here is my concern about being PRO curly, which I notice on your site but is absolutely in no way specific to your site alone - it's the insistence that being natural is your 'God given anything'. Really, really? Seriously, why does God even have to be a topic when it comes to hair? From what I learned in school (yes, I went to Catholic school) the only thing God Given is your right to free will. The right to do as you please as an individual.

If it's okay to say that I want to wear my hair in it's natural 'God Given' state, then that's fine, there's no problem there. However how many of these same women who comment that they want to rock natural curls due to God also wear makeup, nail polish, deodorant and other factors that are not 1) natural or 2) or by any means God made/given? How many of any of these women are living a truly 'natural' lifestyle by any means? It's irrelevant because my point is not to call anyone out; it's just to point out how ridiculous we're allowing something as simple and minute as hair to suddenly dictate our lives, views, opinions and apparently friendships in some cases. I feel that this is really just another way for us women to bash one another and yet again really put on a front of 'I'm better than you because...'.

I'm sure you've guessed by now that I'm not a natural, currently - I have been natural several times in the past. That doesn't make me love your site any less, but dag sometimes it almost makes me feel unwanted. I'm not relaxed, I'm texlaxed, to you it's probably no difference because yes my hair is chemically altered; but so are those heads who have applied colored. I am not someone who wants/likes or envies straight hair - I never have. My only one true desire all my life has been to have long hair, so imagine my happiness to see that this information exists and it's easily available to help all women have HEALTHY hair. Why does having HEALTHY hair also have to be a battle of the 'naturals' vs 'the others'?

Please note I will continue to use the word 'natural' in quotes when referring to hair because unless you are living a 100% Natural life there really is no need to pride being 'natural', especially not in the name of God. That's my opinion.

I love that your site promotes and preaches embracing women with curly textured hair, but on another note it almost seems to condemn women who do not fit in that clique.

Anyhow, I will still continue to peruse your site because honestly I really like it and find it to be one of the best hair blogs/communities online; but with that said it could still be a tad more embracing.

What do you think? Weigh in!

_____________________________________

Edited to Add:

After reading the above email, the comments below, and the responses to her article The Accidental Texturizer, guest blogger Kat responded with the following:


Hi Nikki,

Wow! There's so much to say, since the article, "The Accidental Texturizer" went up. I want to clarify a few things.

1) I embrace and respect all aspects of Curly Nikki. The content, the atmosphere, the readers, the comments, the Woman...Can we get a big soul clap for Nikki?!!! She has done an incredible job here to be inclusive, objective, engaging and open to alternate points of view. Nikki also writes from a place of wanting to address issues of us not having the highest esteem, and building that in a safe environment.

2) With that said, I am honored to have written something that is sparking conversation. That is my job as a writer, to flip different ideas around... Even those that may not be 100% shared by everyone. I think that the post by "anonymous" should be respected as her opinion, as should my guest blog. I stand behind my opinions which is why you see my name next to the title.

3) I think most of you would agree that the topic of our hair is for better or worse, a thorny subject. We're obviously passionate about it, to all be having this multi level and textured conversation.

4) My relationship with my co-worker originated from hair talk. So we shared that, and yes I was saddened because it was something that we shared, and at a critical point in me learning about this hair, I had lost a buddy. We tried to fight the fight together and guess what... it was no longer for her. I only felt a certain way because she was "clearly not comfortable with her new state". She was my buddy. We kept each other motivated.

5) I am not really one to care about who relaxes or whatever. When Jill Scott permed, it didn't diminish my love for her. She's still my girl and I will always be a fan. I don't know her personally. My coworker, I knew personally.

6) Finally, I do say at the end of my piece that I myself had even thought of going back. That I even questioned why it (her choice) bothered me so. I however, made the choice for me that staying on my journey to natural hair was the way to go.

So I hope this clarifies a few things. I also want to thank Nikki for doing a tremendous job. She's helping to spearhead conversation. Truthfully, if we can't say what we really think, then who's being close minded? We're here to have hair talk in a real, fun, safe way.

Peace,
Kat

201 Weigh in!: «Oldest ‹Older 1 – 200 of 201 Newer› Newest»
Immediate said...

She seems unnecessarily threatened. Natural hair blogs talk about natural hair. I don't see the problem with not including people who chemically alter their hair texture in these discussions. If she wants basic hair care info and discussions then go to that type of site or if there aren't any to her liking... MAKE ONE. If she wants a blog about texlaxing she can do it herself. Why whine on natural hair blogs.

Anonymous said...

I love the site Nik and as a natural curlista or any other name we call ourselves when I hit my door as a professional woman I am bashed by society for my hair choice. Whether its the taking it back to the motherland comments to the suggestion " you should wear wigs while interviewing" . I dont believe the site bashes people who choose relaxers and if I choose to wear make up it doesnt take away from me being natural. I think people who are transitioning, natural whatever having a place they can come to and look at amazing people who look like them is great, because as we joked earlier about the one main stream commercial with a transitioning sister we dont have much out there that looks like us . Thats why blogs and web sites like your is so important.

kisha said...

umm wow!! while i do see her point; at the same time i've yet to see anyone bash someone for havin a perm/texlax or unnatural hair. some curlies have better results and purposes for goin natural in the first place. i was once a permie and i cant complain becuz my hair was healthy n grew long n strong. MY reason to go natural was merely for a change. i dont press my fam n friends to go natural becuz the proof is in the pudding from the example that i am. i've seen nothing but positive-ness amongst each other and we in no way would clique together to be "mean girls" towards chem-heads,lol. maybe u just secretly jealous of the extra confidence and proudness we display in being curly and proud.

to say we're tryin to divide each other wit the "im better than u becuz" isnt true! u reminding me of the light skin vs dark skins on School Daze. when someone references "god given" state i dont take it literally to believe that their some church goin, walkin the straight line, perfect, vegan type chick. its merely SELF acceptance and assurance in finally showing off how god made us; BEAUTIFUL! i love makeup n anything girly but that doesnt compromise my religion nor does it mean i study "illuminati" lol. chiiiiill "anonymous" one, its not that serious. stop gettin so technical. how about we all go natural n walk around naked :) u need a hug but i appreciate the debate!

Hair2Toe Beauty said...

I agree with Immediate. I'm a new natural having been relaxed all my life. Yes, there are some instances of hair snobbery, but that's not me. I've never, ever gotten that from this site which I lurked endlessly when I was relaxed.

However, I do know what she means by people bringing God into being natural. My interpretation of it is when someone says "I'm embracing what God gave me" and things of that nature. I think that applies to women who didn't relax because they were ashamed or afraid of their hair. They are proclaiming their acceptance of what they were given and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

This is a natural (non-chemically altered hair) forum and the content relates to that. If she doesn't appreciate the tone of this community, there are plenty more out there. But this one is one of the classiest out there, so I can't empathize with her.

jm2c (just my 2 cents)

Anonymous said...

Who is anyone to judge? Has anyone here really 'bashed' a relaxed sister? I think that's unfairly critical. I've heard other relaxed women (including my own mother) express similar concerns. We make ourselves feel excluded with our own perception. I mean Nikki did post her comment after all so that's inclusive enough for me. If someone wants to celebrate a choice they've made, then why should they 'dim their light' so that others won't be offended? If you're going to take issue with HOW someone celebrates (because they invoke God or whomever) then that's really a little much. Her concerns about naturals appearing self-righteous, sanctimonious, or moralizing are really unfounded. I would never to presume to know what's in someone's heart because I read something they wrote on a blog.

Afr0ditee

CurlyRay said...

I agree immediate..This is a natural hair blog meaning its for natural hair duhh!! she is not unwanted but these sites just don't cater to relax hair because it about NATURAL HAIR..

and i think she is taking the term natural to the extreme..natural hair wise means hair that grows from the scalp without being chemically altered..point blank

and we don't want to be natural because of God, God serves as our motivation to go natural

Anonymous said...

I don't believe that most natural hair blogs/websites bash women who are not natural. These sites just focus on natural hair which is why their content relates almost exclusivley to natural hair.

Nikia said...

Embrace what?? The site is called CURLY Nikki, and its a resource for CURLY and NATURAL hair.
The reality of the situation is most of the women who read this blog and use it as a resource were once relaxed (or texlaxed) themselves, and had a bad experience with it which caused them to go natural. The damage that comes from relaxing our hair is physical AND emotional for a lot of us. If someone is told their hair is too nappy, or they need a relaxer to be attractive that resulted in physical and emotional scars, their overall attitude about relaxers will be negative.
That, however, has nothing to do with the PEOPLE who have relaxed hair, its simply a reflection of that person's experience with the relaxer ITSELF.
Maybe she should look for a forum on texlaxed hair...

Shay said...

Honestly.. i'm kind of like wow at this point. The name of this site is CurlyNikki.. that would make one think that this site is about CURLY HAIR.. right? Out of all the posts I've ever read on this site, I don't remember reading any bashings or anything. I think we are all adults and if any of us; natural curls or chemically altered hair; are bashing, then that's pretty sad. I'm actually really annoyed at the use of "natural" and "God given right". So because you don't follow a guidline to what anonymous feels is the God given right, then you can't use that claim?

I honestly feel like now a days that people will do anything for attention. If you are coming to a site thats devoted to natural hair, why are you complaining about "not feeling the love for the relaxed hair"? I'm so confused on that. If they don't like it, why not find a site or blog that promotes relaxing of the hair? It's more like we're not here promoting relaxed hair so you feel left out so you have to make a stink about it for attention.

In today's world is so hard to feel accepted when to take a step to being natural when it comes to your hair. There are a lot of stupid and negative stereotypes out there. I think this site is great and should not change to make other chemically altered hair textures feel accepted. All they have to do is walk outside and feel it!

Anonymous said...

Historically, we have not embraced our natural curly/kinky hair because we were taught otherwise. Most of society embraces and extols the beauty of processed hair. In my humble opinion, we need spaces where CurlySisters can be appreciated and embraced. This is not intended to negate the beauty of our processed Sisters.

Just because I love and live curly doesn't mean that I dislike straight...it is a preference.

Thank you CurlyNikki for promoting love of self via love of our natural hair.

karynrose said...

she totally has a point!some of us use natural hair as a way to seperate ourselves from other women and it's dead wrong. i've read the articles about the "accidental texturizer" and how bothered people were about what another woman wants to do with her hair. the truth is most of us at minimum put products in our hair that ate completely chemical so we are also "chemically atlering". i think that everone woman has the right to express herself the way that she sees fit. if that means a relaxer, mohawk, low cut ceasar, whatever...that's her choice and not for any of us to bash! most of the women who are apart of this site are transitioners and have definately had times in there life when they felt fly with their relaxed hair so they should be the last people to start talking ish now that they are rocking a curly fro.

Justina said...

i agree with immediate! Also, various groups of ppl define God differently. For me, my God created me in His image so yes... it is God given for me. Not much of anything we use is all natural but hair is connected to us. Nail polish, make-up, etc we put on and remove. also, there have been several posts b/t this site and others that discuss "hair snobbery" and the INTENT of these sites is to uplift and have people to identify with not to exclude. There are plenty of tips that a non natural can take away natural hair sites. if hair was so minute there wouldn't be a need for blogs, hair forums. most women have felt excluded at some point... esp when it comes to OUR hair. Natural or not a bad hair day can really mess with your emotions. the biggest issue is... we must wear CONFIDENCE daily!

adrienne said...

the writer really needs to step back and reevaluate what she wrote. if she were to have written this article from the standpoint of a natural (which she is not) perhaps she could see how hypocritical her points are. i mean, we live in a society that absolutely worships chemically altered hair and believes that natural hair is "bad hair" (i gag as i type that). so to have a site like curly nikki is a much needed and much welcome change. if she really wants to go to a hair site where she feels more accepted for her choice to alter her hair, she should do a search and stay away from natural hair sites, because yes, it can get a little testy at times. and on her comment about "god-given . . ." yes honey, the hair that we were born with was given to us by god, not by the hair-relaxer/texlaxer industry.

Anonymous said...

WOW! Ladies was going to comment but you ladies have it covered. Thanks Ladies :)

Anonymous said...

I would first like to say that I am thankful to Nikki, and also to GOD for this site, and for all of the other natural hair resources that were not available when I was struggling to manage my natural hair ten years ago. After five months of combing, tugging, and crying, I gave up and went back to relaxing. And now I am back to my natural hair and loving it.

And yes, your hair is NATURAL even if you wear makeup. If all of your cosmetics are derived from organic products, such as women in ancient history wore, are you not still natural? What does that have to do with your hair?

It's not about natural vs. chemically enhanced. This is a resource for those with curly (and natural) hair. By the way, one of the product lines mentioned on the site, Kinky-curly, makes it clear that those who texturize can benefit from their products.

Nobody here is bashing texlaxing... I've seen nothing but support and positivity offered here. I wouldn't go into a church and curse God, so what's the real issue here?

Side-note: I don't understand why people get SO offended whenever someone mentions God. Why can't I have the same freedom of speech as someone who might not believe in God, without someone getting their knickers in a bunch? I don't walk around Bible-bashing or preaching fire and brimstone. And yet, I am expected to be quiet about topics I don't agree with. Isn't "God-given" just a phrase anyway? Don't even get me started...

sara Yve said...

while i do sympathize with the writer because hair snobbery persists in all forms (from a permie to a natural and vice versa), i do not empathize with her. you can't fight condescension with condescension. the tone of the email is very negative and there is no need to try and knock others down when you feel slighted.

and on the note of makeup and nail polish. even though i don't indulge in makeup, the analogy she used is pretty poor. makeup and nail polish doesn't alter the state of skin and nails the way that a texturizer/silkener/relaxer alters the state of hair.

let's all love one another. hair is a pretty bad reason to divide people.

29 on 29 said...

Sounds like a case of an inferiority complex. It amazes me how so many women want to lampoon and rant against something that is proving to be a common, stepping stone for so many black women.

Black women - it's not a zero sum game. I'm tired of these comments (natural or relaxed) that say if your group doesn't do this thing EXACTLY my way, I cannot support the big pictue.

She's also being unnecessarily semantic. Like, you better not even be wearing clothes --- that's not natural!

Thoughts like this get me hot and bothered. As a group, black women should looking to be more uniformed. WE SHOULD NOT BE EXACTLY THE SAME, however, and I think, unfortunately, someone like anonymous is holding some false standards about what that way is. Like, you have to pass the natural test - no chemicals in your life and then I can believe you? Makes no sense.

I LOVE the fact that natural hair UNITES, Because of varying hair textures and lack of historically documented hair care techniques, relaxers were a dividing force for black women.

I don't care if you mix, use mineral oil, relax, tex-lax, use baby embryos, or buy the most expensive organic products. AS LONG as the goal is to embrace our common bonds, and not POINTING.OUT.EVERY.SINGLE.THING.THAT.IS.DIFFERENT, I'm down.

PinkGirlFluff said...

Ummm, there are plenty of sites for individuals to care for relaxed or textured hair. PLENTY! As well as tons of mags in bookstores and grocery stores. The abundance of info in regard to natural hair is fairly new so to feel some kind of way because someone is catering to our (naturals not 'naturals')haircare needs is a tad bit selfish IMO.

That's like me going into Lane Bryant and being upset because they don't carry my size when I'm not full figured. Or going to Subway and being upset because they don't serve burgers.

And then to be so petty as to insult the many of us that call ourselves natural just because we don't walk around funky and enjoy a Pepsi every now and then is wack as well. It's hypocritical to state that you are not calling people out while indeed trying to call people out.

I don't get.

*kanye shrug*

Anonymous said...

The amount of trash that's said and written about natural hair makes me glad there are sites like this. You call it snobbery I call it self-esteem!! Sorry it makes you feel uncomfortable but natural v chemical is the truth. Should we lie to make others feel better.

Anonymous said...

Immediate pretty much summed it up. I am assuming that most curly hair sites were created out of a need for more information on curly hair care and practices. I see nothing wrong with being excited and happy about that. My being proud of my "God-given natural hair" does not by default put down someone elses relaxed or texlaxed hair. Most of us came from being relaxed so we understand that mindset. It would seem to me that her issue is with our definition of natural, and our use of God as it relates to hair. I won't go into a theological discussion on a hair board (trust, I can go there!), but I will say its not incorrect to say that what grows out of your head is God-given. And you can bring up God wherever you choose in whatever topic. HE is not confined to church. And there is no law that says once you go natural you have to wear your makeup, nail polish, and deorant natural as well. It's a choice. And guess what? There are natural make-up, nail polishes, and deoderant brands. I know because I use those too! So don't generalize or stereotype because of your own insecurites. Because that's what it sounds like she is doing.

Nikki, your site is great! I wouldn't change a thing.----Tawanna D.

Yanira said...

I'd actually like to thank whoever sent that email because you've inspired me to finally submit my complaint to The National Enquirer. I don't think it's fair that they don't have more stories that pertain directly to me.

You need a reality check, and quick. I think this site is amazing the way that it is. Everything doesn't have to be for everyone all the time. *side eye*

Anonymous said...

CURLY Nikki...enough said

Anonymous said...

I think she is confusing the "What's Natural, What's Not...What's Healthy for hair, what's not" debate with bashing. IT'S DEBATE...OPINION...and to be sarcastic "free-will".

And stop it about make-up and living your whole like natural...blah blah blah. Make-up enhances your beauty...it doesn't change your features. Trust me if a relax/texlax would wash out and wasn't permanent i would probably wear that too...with my make-up on too! lol

Anonymous said...

I don't think these sites promote hair snobbery at all... For years little black girls have been told that you needed a relaxer to be beautiful. It is about time that we can accept what God did give us no matter the texture. Why do people get offended because a site promotes relaxer free hair? Seems like the writer doesnt have a problem with all of the magazines and commercials that feature relaxed hair. Come on everyone has their preferences.

Sincerely Mel said...

I'm currently transitioning and while reading through "natural hair" blogs, including this one, I've never felt any kind of snobbery towards women with relaxed or chemically treated hair. I think websites such as this one provides information on how to embrace and care for the texture of your natural hair...not put any other hair style/care choices down. When someone mentions accepting what God gave them, it's about embracing their own beauty because we all know for many years (even still today) people have looked at kinky-curly-coily hair as if it's not attractive. Instead of disliking a part of oneself because of what society thinks is beautiful, many of us can now say "Thank you God for the way you made me" :)

Takeya said...

I think it's sad that the reader feels so unwelcomed. There are plenty of websites/ blogs on general hair care that provide valuable info for us all. This site, however, caters to those of us who want to learn to care for our hair with it's natural God-given texture. (God-given is appropriate to me because I believe I am fearfully and wonderfully made by the one true living God. It's my belief, take it or leave it!)

I haven't gotten the impression that this site is about being "all natural" (just loving your natural hair texture). CurlyNikki uses and supports plenty of products that are not all natural and that's great.

If loving my natural hair and supporting others who do the same makes me a snob or clique-ish, then so be it! The reality is that I see tons of ladies with beautiful, long, healthy looking, relaxed hair. I only say healthy looking because I don't know and appearances can be deceiving. Not everyone with naturally curly hair has healthy hair and I think we all know that too. I have been wearing my hair in it's naturally curly state for years but it wasn't until last year that I began to worry about it's health (and it was very unhealthy). Much better now tho'...

My prayer for the reader is that she let go of the need for approval from anyone! If she loves her hair, who cares what others think...whether others embrace her hair This site continues to help me do just that...love my hair despite others' opinions.

Thanks for the awesome resource, Nikki!

Anonymous said...

It's unfortunate that this reader was "anonymous", and you can't respond to her. Cause I would definitly say...share my post.

I however, agree with the previous poster, she seems threatened, and seemingly jealous for the fact that she hasn't had the courage to "KEEP" her hair "the way God created her." No, I would not say that it is a matter of spirituality, but despite who you believe created us, Most of us, were born with curly hair, and the fact of altering it chemically is where the problem comes in.

For many years black women in particular have been led to feel inferior if your hair wasn't long, and straight....Just ask the closest man around, what is their preference, and you'll see how we have been "conditioned". Just as in any situation, you will have those people who "go natural" just to jump on the bandwagon, but the majority of women, i have talked to, or seen, their main reason for going natural was to embrace their "unaltered" self. CHEMICALS are harmful, so is a burger from McDonalds. No one


Speaking for myself, it's hard in this world based on how our society is set up, to live a completely holistic lifestyle. To be accepted for who we are, especially as a woman or man of color, can be challenging, but many of us try. Is it not appropriate that we have a place where like minded individuals can meet people, seek advice, and learn things, which we should have been taught from the jump? Because sites like this encourage that. I haven't once seen any article, post blog, that comes across abashing women who choose to relax their hair. To each his/her own.

Girl PLEASE said...

Oh gosh, it is NOT THAT SERIOUS lol. This is a specialist site, made especially for women who do not chemically alter the natural texture of their hair with relaxers, perms, texurisers, etc. It's like going to McDonald's and complaining that there is no PIZZA on the menu. Read the label, it offers what it advertises.

If you want to see a celebration of straight or texture altered hair, pick up any magazine, watch any station on television...you will see it EVERYWHERE; those women are celebrated every day, all over the world. These specialist sites exist because we 'naturals' are still the minority, we need somewhere to go for advice, validation and a self-esteem boost. I've never seen anyone bash a non-natural on here; only criticize THEIR OWN past hair care choices. Many 'naturals' feel liberated with their curls because their relaxing habit was tied to some sort of deeper issue; losing the relaxer symbolizes freedom for these women (this does not apply to everyone).
There is plenty of useful advice on here for EVERYONE; if you choose to frequent the site, then absorb the content that is relevant to you and your life, and leave the rest.

If women want to refer to their natural hair as 'God-given' then so be it. It's the hair that naturally grows out of their head. And FYI, EVERYTHING is God-made (regardless of what your Catholic education taught you). If women want to put colour on their hair, so what? If women want to put relaxer on their hair, so what? If women want to call themselves natural, and then prevent unpleasant body odour by applying 'unnatural' deodorant, SO WHAT?

Seriously, there are bigger issues in the world. It'd be a shame for Nikki to discontinue or change this site, just because you feel "left out".

Curly Dee said...

I think the writer of this email COMPLETELY missed the point. First, I don't understand the necessity of the quotes around 'God-Given' and 'natural'. If you believe in God, and you believe that he created us they way we are for a reason, then the way your hair (your eyes, your skin, EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU) exists is God-given. That's it! It's not a statement against those with relaxers, so there's no need to take it as such. The only reason one should/could be offended by the term 'God-given' is if you don't believe in a God, and that's your business.

Secondly, the term 'natural' is just what people in general have decided to name hair 'without a relaxer'. What does that have to do with the deodorant that you use or if you wear make-up or not? If we called having unrelaxed hair "osdifhdhjf" would it offend you less? Like you said, it's JUST hair. Why bring someone's whole lifestyle into the argument? Again, I just don't understand the issue here.

Finally, I've read this site for a long time, and I rarely have seen anything to make someone who is relaxed/texturized feel like they aren't welcome and are possibly being bashed. Some people take being natural more seriously than others (such as being disappointed/angry when they find someone whose hair they loved has relaxed) but otherwise, I believe this is a very friendly community. Furthermore, I think much of the information here can help anyone on a healthy hair journey, whether they are relaxed or natural.

Now, if you're looking for a bunch of articles talking about texturizers/chemical treatments, this just isn't the site for you. If you don't like hearing the stories of WHY many of us stopped relaxing, this just isn't the site for you. If for some reason you are offended when reading the phrase 'thank GOD I'm natural' or seeing some derivative of it, or seeing many people coming together to embrace their natural hair, then this just ISN'T the site for you! If these things don't bother you, then by all means, WELCOME! Consider yourself embraced.

M said...

1) Coloring the hair is not altering the curl pattern of the hair so I still consider that "natural".

2) There are other sites that promote healthy hair that is relaxed, texlaxed, etc. so if you want to feel more "welcome" go there. No one is intentionally excluding relaxed and texlaxed women, but...this site is called CURLYnikki, not STRAIGHTnikki or SEMI-STRAGHTnikki.
3) This is a natural HAIR site not a natural MIND, BODY, AND SOUL site. So the women on here that have acrylic nails or eat fast-food, SO! Once again, this site is a hair site, not a site about ALL THINGS NATURAL.

Smh... Her whole post is just because she feels left out. Go to another site to feel accepted. LOL, this is the internet. You have real-world friends that accept you...I hope.

MissCurly said...

I understand everyones view points on this subject. This is a site for natural/ curly hair so why would anyone expect them to embrace chemical procedures. I follow other hair blogs one in particular where the blogger textlaxes her waist length hair. Anonymous maybe you should look into it keepitsimplesista.blogspot- She has alot of great info on textlax/ relax healthy hair. I love her blog because even though I am natural she still have good info about hair health in general. But I would never email her about not embracing the natural community???? lol

However I also love THIS blog because I am natural and like embracing other women who are like myself, ect

Maybe you got offended by the posts about "accidental relaxer/ conditioner" I admit some of those comments may rub permies the wrong way BUT again this is a natural hair blog so what do you expect?

Butterfly3000 said...

Why does she feel so threatened? This site DOES NOT "condemn women that do not fit into the that clique". For me, this site is here for 1. Information 2. Encouragement 3. Enlightenment. It's called CURLY Nikki. Its about Naturally Curly Hair! If it doesn't help you in any way then find a site that does instead of questioning the women that want to embrace their natural curls. GEEZ!

I'm sure someone with naturally curly hair rubbed her the wrong way. I've seen it, and probably am guilty of it back in my earlier natural loc days. But just the other day I was coming out of Sally's Beauty Supply store with a 5 day old braid out that to me looked a mess. But this sistah stood outside, waited for me to leave and we had about a 15 minute conversation about products, websites (shot out to Nik), length, co-washing, etc....She was so happy and I felt good to share and spead the knowledge.

So Really, Really, God gave me this beautiful, kinky, curly, hair that I will continue to be obsessed when I want to over it and utilize my FREE WILL to do what I please to it.

Anonymous said...

I love this site and will defend it, but I think that the tone of this article is being ignored. I don't believing the writer of this letter is confused, has a complex,or is bashig the site. She is telling the truth. I do not think that this site inparticular promotes hair snobbery,but I DO believe there is MANY examples of hair snobbery on here (and not by the creater of the site, Nikki). I do not think that is exclusive to natural hair site at all, but it is present. I

Keisha said...

I honestly do not get it!? This is a website that is geared towards natural hair care and curly hair care, and the "tone" and purpose of this site promotes the health of natural and curly hair, brings awareness to products for natural and curly hair, and serves as an informational tool for those with natural and curly hair -- plain and simple! If you are perusing the site for information for your hair and do not fall into those categories, then maybe another site would be better suited for your needs. I believe the CurlyNikki community that views this site for the purposes that it was created, receive what they need and it should not be altered to meet the needs of someone who it was not meant to serve.

And there is nothing wrong with saying "my God given curls and/or hair" when the purpose of this site is NATURAL or CURLY HAIR! If you are natural, God did give you the hair on your head. If you are texlaxed or relaxed, you took your God given hair and altered it. And just because you wear makeup or use other products that are not natural or are not "of God" for your body -- what does that have to do with your hair?! Your hair is still natural even if you wear makeup, wear deoderant, etc...Give me a break! If a person states God in the equation when discussing their hair, that's their perogative and also a true statement unless you don't believe in God or have an issue with His name being mentioned in a public forum, which is a whole other can of worms!

Roscheeta said...

I see her point and while we say there is no bashing words like 'permie' and 'Creamy crack' carry a negative connotation. I think that is where people that don't have "natural hair" may find offence.

But on the other hand if it's a natural hair site and you are not natural, seeking to feel included is not rational.

Anonymous said...

I think she wants to be NATURAL, lol! No, but seriously just so she knows there is makeup that is natural (it's called mineral make up), there is nail polish that is natural too (you can buy it at Whole Foods) and yes, yes, yes, yes, there is deodorant that is natural too! Don't take this site personal, the truth is a lot of us natural people get a lot of crap from society and sites like this are affirming, A good idea would be for this person to start their own blog!

AdriEm said...

Wow these comments are just something else. A couple things though, she said that she currently has texlaxed hair and that she has had natural hair several times before so I'm pretty sure she would have played both sides of the fence. I do agree with the point made that it's a little unreasonable to come to a site like this expecting there to be much help for bone-straight hair, but it's not fair to say that there aren't people (not on this site mind you) that aren't perhaps a bit 'frosty' if you use any sort of chemicals in your hair.

Personally, I had a texturizer done in June. I feel no about it. I made a decision on what I felt was right at the time since I was migrating from Jamaica and going to college at the same time and didn't have the luxury of time or money to be experimenting with products and techniques and needed to be able to just comb my hair and run. I haven't done it since then but I still had/have an afro; my hair still grows straight up, kinks in on itself; I can still pull of some rocking two-strand twists; and I still get stares and judgmental comments about my hair so for all intents and purposes I am still natural and no one would know I had a texturizer unless I told them. So while to a lot of people I am most definitely not natural except for the new growth I have (which has been coming in nicely for some while now, thanks for asking), well...if it looks like a duck, sounds like a duck...twists like a duck, who's to say it isn't one unless you poked it and realize it's a goose...if that makes sense.

That was longer than I intended but yeah, just my opinion.

Anonymous said...

To some degree I get where she is coming from. I don't get that she feels threatened, maybe left out but not threatened. It is very unfortunate that there seems to always be this divide with black women and in our community. While I am sure it is not intentional I think we just carry a lot of our history with us. A lot of hurt and pain because of who we are and how we look. I know for me when I was younger it was all about light skin and long hair. Of course I am dark skin with shorter hair. I felt less than because I didn't fit that mold and would receive back hand compliments like I was cute for a "dark skinned" girl. And even though you'd think because we were black girls experiencing the same trials of growing up and could learn from and lean on each other, there still existed this divide between light and dark, straight or kinky. The jiggaboos and the wanna be's (Schoold Daze).

Point being I think that is where she is coming from (and she can correct me if I am wrong...lol). It's almost like yet again there is this wave, this movement, what's "in", we are now moving away from perms and so now who is better? Me or you and your creamy crack?

I understand why there are sites like this and I absolutely recognize the need. I am currently transitioning and have visited my fair share of natural websites seeking information. It has ALL been wonderful and informatiive. BUT I do get how and why she feels alomost like there is this air of "I am better than you", blacker than you... because I am embracing who I am, yadda, yadda, yadda, "and you are still conforming"... I think it is that attitude that I have at times seen on certain blogs and it isn't from the entire group but there are a few. Again, do I think it is intentional? Not in the least. I think everyone is just trying to find their place and wanting to embrace and be embraced. But lets face it natural hair is still raising eyebrows for some and this is why it is so important to have sites like this. Remindind us all that we are beautiful and all that is us and that is whether you are permed or kinky or curly. When I told my mother about my transition you would have thought I told her I was using crack. She asked, "what was wrong with me".. LOL. Really?

I digress.. Anyway I say all this to say that I hear you and understand. I also understand that it is sites like this and others that help us to love and to get over the hump and teh judements that come with wanting to where our hair minus a relaxer. Though you may fel left out. I think it is still all about loving yourself, loving your hair, respecting everyone for their personal choice and not making anyone feel less than or like they need to comply to one set standard deemed by whomever at anytime. I tried to keep this short and concise so hopefully you all get the point I was attempting to make. ;-)

Anonymous said...

To some degree I get where she is coming from. I don't get that she feels threatened, maybe left out but not threatened. It is very unfortunate that there seems to always be this divide with black women and in our community. While I am sure it is not intentional I think we just carry a lot of our history with us. A lot of hurt and pain because of who we are and how we look. I know for me when I was younger it was all about light skin and long hair. Of course I am dark skin with shorter hair. I felt less than because I didn't fit that mold and would receive back hand compliments like I was cute for a "dark skinned" girl. And even though you'd think because we were black girls experiencing the same trials of growing up and could learn from and lean on each other, there still existed this divide between light and dark, straight or kinky. The jiggaboos and the wanna be's (Schoold Daze).

Point being I think that is where she is coming from (and she can correct me if I am wrong...lol). It's almost like yet again there is this wave, this movement, what's "in", we are now moving away from perms and so now who is better? Me or you and your creamy crack?

I understand why there are sites like this and I absolutely recognize the need. I am currently transitioning and have visited my fair share of natural websites seeking information. It has ALL been wonderful and informatiive. BUT I do get how and why she feels alomost like there is this air of "I am better than you", blacker than you... because I am embracing who I am, yadda, yadda, yadda, "and you are still conforming"... I think it is that attitude that I have at times seen on certain blogs and it isn't from the entire group but there are a few. Again, do I think it is intentional? Not in the least. I think everyone is just trying to find their place and wanting to embrace and be embraced. But lets face it natural hair is still raising eyebrows for some and this is why it is so important to have sites like this. Remindind us all that we are beautiful and all that is us and that is whether you are permed or kinky or curly. When I told my mother about my transition you would have thought I told her I was using crack. She asked, "what was wrong with me".. LOL. Really?

I digress.. Anyway I say all this to say that I hear you and understand. I also understand that it is sites like this and others that help us to love and to get over the hump and teh judements that come with wanting to where our hair minus a relaxer. Though you may fel left out. I think it is still all about loving yourself, loving your hair, respecting everyone for their personal choice and not making anyone feel less than or like they need to comply to one set standard deemed by whomever at anytime. I tried to keep this short and concise so hopefully you all get the point I was attempting to make. ;-)

Anonymous said...

To each his own but in my own life I have personally never encountered any of the natural hair snobbery and I hope it remains that way....also I think lots of what can be seen as snobbery is all in the perception. I have read some blogs...never on Curlynikki.com!! But have literally seen other curlies beat down, talked about horribly because of what worked for them. I mean people really to each his/her own. On a completely different level I must say as my second time going natural I am happy I am aware of a natural community that shares and one that I feel is real with one another. Thanks CN and CN community. Much Love

Anonymous said...

Ok. No offense to the anon texlaxer but she sounds like she has issues with her own hair that needs to be worked out.

How can anyone have an issue with someone else being happy to wear the hair that YES GOD HAS GIVEN HER? Just the fact that she is on a natural hair site makes me think that she is trying to convince herself of the decisions that she has made regarding how she percieves and cares for her own hair.

I don't hate on women who wear weaves or relaxed hair. I compliment women who look good period. But, let's define what natural means: "Present in or produced by nature" and some of us BELIEVE that GOD created us and everything else that exists in nature. The end.

And it is usually the ones who try to make claim that women who wear their hair naturally aren't truly "natural" because they wear deodarant and such... They are the ones who are seemingly trying to even the playing field by convincing themselves that naturals aren't truly natural" either! LOL. Yeah, I guess...::side-eyed:: ::shrugs::

kimmie0810 said...

I don't agree about the "bashing" on this site. And the "God Given" debate confuses me b/c what comes out of my head is what God gave me. I do, however, understand what she's talking about b/c I DESPISE the preachy, holier than thou tones & attitudes projected by SOME naturals. It's so frigging annoying! Nappy Nazis give us all a bad name b/c just as we CHOOSE not to relax our hair, some women CHOOSE to relax. That is THEIR CHOICE! Regardless of their motives: easier to style, self-hatred or whatever, it's still their CHOICE!

I like discussions about natural hair when they stick to products & styles, once the discussion goes off on a tangent putting down relaxers & relaxed people or getting all holy & sanctified about some HAIR, then it turns me off. I mean it is HAIR! And I don't see what the big deal is about choosing to sport the hair that naturally comes out of our head. It's no great accomplishment or feat like some people make it out to be. That needs to be given a rest.

Maintaining healthy hair--whether relaxed or natural--is something to be proud of but it's not some great accomplishment in life. We put too much emphasis on frivolous stuff. And some naturals become OBSESSED with their hair to the point that they become ridiculous caricatures.

Even some of the responses here are preachy & condescending. She voiced how she FELT reading this & other blogs. We cannot quantify & validate other people's feelings or say they have an inferiority complex b/c of their feelings.

Anonymous said...

tell her to go on a relaxed perm hair site. i think that was the dumbest thing someone could email.....smh its called CURLY NIKKI.....not PERMED NIKKI....what a dummy. LOL

PinkGirlFluff said...

I forgot to add the following...

Nikki, your site rocks my socks!

Because of this site I love my kink, coils, curls so much that I won't go back. I do admire individuals with lovely looking hair no matter what the chemical state is. But I can't help feeling a little tingle when I see another natural curly sis in the corporate world!

Unfortunately people will always find something negative to say but you must actively seek out the positive or you will only see the negative and attribute it to an entire community in error.

I assumed when I went natural that people would pressure me to go back. But the people that matter don't care. And the folks that whispered and giggled when I came back don't. The ones that probably call me all types of names are nobodies. That is how you have to look at the people that hate on you for your personal hair choices.

Good luck with your hair goals!

Anonymous said...

Really? She can't be serious?! Since she thinks the only thing "God Given" is the right to free will, she should take that free will and use it to move along to the next site cause clearly this one isn't for her. Ummm Hello.......CURLY Nikki! *key word CURLY* It's not our job to make someone feel welcomed. Hell, no one welcomes us. Do you see us going to relaxed hair blogs bitching about it? No. We just come to this site. LOL! The purpose of this site is for us NATURALS to embrace one another. If she doesn't like it she should kick rocks. NEXT!

Anonymous said...

@Kimmie ..... I agree!

BrownLady said...

Seriously...i couldn't even read this entire post it is so ridiculous. if the author doesn't like what she reads on this or any other natural hair site, then she should simply move on. SIMPLE. i'm not even entertaining this nonsense. To all my natural ladies out there.. I LOVE YALL...

Anonymous said...

Wow...Okay now. The fact is sites like this are wonderful and really bring women together in a positive, encouraging way. And honestly ladies I am not sure there are sites that offer this same type of sister to sister love. I am sorry but as a transitioning woman I don't think I ever saw a site for relaxed women that support like these sites, come together and actually have conventions where they all meet. I think sites like this are unique and who wouldn't want to be apart of this(hence why she comes to the site). I know I love it. I love the beauty of it ALL. I love the connection and positivity. But the fact is if you are relaxed there aren't many gatherings for that. LOL. So I really think we are looking only at the surface of what she had to say. I think it is more about the banding together and maybe she does wish that there was more of that for ladies out here that are still using chemical staighteners.

Anonymous said...

I'm going to try to be positive here, but honestly, is she being for real? This is a site for people with naturally curly hair; of COURSE it's not promoting chemical processing. It aggrevates me to no end that here we have a wonderful site that teaching women of all colors to be proud of what grows out of their head and it's taken as a negative because you've chosen a different route? When are we going to grow up and quit causing all this derision over nonsense? You can't please everyone, naturally, but I think that author has some underlying issues with herself she needs to address before she starts going on a rampage about feeling excluded when she still makes up the majority...

Anonymous said...

Gimme a break.

Its the same thing Comedian MoNique does when she embraces her own body and caters toward bigger women. Does she get offended by that as well?

Cheryl said...

When I want ribs, I go to the rib joint. I don't try to place that order at the Candle Cafe(excellent organic vegan spot in NYC)! Soooo,why is she up in here (hiding behind Anonymous) trying to get her needs met? Especially if hair is "so simple and minute." Why is she so defensive? As one of my fav sports talk hosts says "That's a YOU problem!!!"

I read another blog that is written by a relaxed head because she tests a lot of products and tools that can be used by anyone. I would never vent to her about the number of posts that review relaxers or how some of her subs rave about their results when using chemicals. I just glean what is of interest to me and keep it movin'.

I love the diversity of Curly Nikki(the author and the content). Helps me appreciate the hair I have and set realistic goals for it.
Today (can't predict tomorrow) I choose not to relax, color, henna or use heat on my hair. I still read the information and consume it as that, not a referendum on my Holiness, Blackness etc.

"Anonymous" says "My only one true desire all my life has been to have long hair." Very sad commentary on her life.

She needs to be ON THE COUCH!

Anonymous said...

"Wow...Okay now. The fact is sites like this are wonderful and really bring women together in a positive, encouraging way. And honestly ladies I am not sure there are sites that offer this same type of sister to sister love. I am sorry but as a transitioning woman I don't think I ever saw a site for relaxed women that support like these sites, come together and actually have conventions where they all meet."

Ok, I disagree. You can go to any random hair salon and see a convention of women talking about their weaves or relaxed hair.

Anonymous said...

I feel that will this 'reader' is some how offended becuase we speak of 'natural' she is ignorant in her statements. As many sisters have pointed out, this site is for individuals that choose to grow their hair natural because of a lack of such information and conversation on 'texlax or relaxed' sites. I find it interesting that she never mentions how 'naturals' are left out of MOST other sites. Very rarely do we find articles in Essence, Ebony or black magazines that even address 'natural' hair care, unless its braids or locks. No one says that we a 'natural people' but women that were our hair the way that God gave it to us! Some of us, use color, some us make-up to enhance our 'natural beauty' but all of it is a choice.
So, if you feel left out of the party, that's on you! We made a choice to encourage one another after being left in the dark for so long, you can make the same choice to go somewhere else!

KayJay said...

Sweetie, if your "only one true desire all my life has been to have long hair", then, maybe a forum like Long Hair (get it?) Care Forum is the place for you and not CURLY (get it?)Nikki. As the name suggests, this site is a bit more specific and you probably need a site that is more catered to you if you can't deal with the constant mentioning of words like natural or curly. It's your God-given right to seek out such a site.Of course, you are welcome to visit and discuss on any site you wish. Buuuttt you could leave this site for the make-up loving "naturals" , like myself, who LOVE THIS SITE AND WOULDN"T CHANGE A THING :)Toodles!

Anonymous said...

She needs to get over it.

My hair is God Given just like my mind, body, and skin color. If u dye your hair or relax it or texlax it or get a boob job...it is still an alteration of what God gave you. Is this bad? No. But let's be real about it. Don't get defensive for your own personal alterations..... I like eye make up and hair dye and I get what it is and its not a bad thing. I didn't stop relaxing because it is "bad" for other women, I stopped because it was bad for me and it is my right to wear my own hair as I please.

Anonymous said...

Why doesn't she go and start up a texlaxed website and invite all her altered hair buddies to come along ?. People can wash off makeup and be fresh-faced in 2 seconds. chemically altered hair is permanent. Why even go there?.

Anonymous said...

I am natural, have been for a few years and I agree with the person who submitted the email to curlynikki. I think the article I read here the other day "accidental texturizer" is evidence that sometimes there is judgement passed on those who are not natural. I was cringing from reading that article and again, I am natural. You can't force it on others or condemn them or look down upon them for their choices. It is a individual choice either way, no right or wrong.

Anonymous said...

It's a shame she feels that way though, i can feel the anger from my screen jumping at me! LOL.
The person who wrote the letter is one angry women!She obviously has a problem with God!As a transitioner if i want to say that its is my God given hair i can because i believe and love him and acknolwledge him as my creator so it's natural to give God the credit where its due.
That is my free will expressed n others if they wish to say so.
On the journey to becoming natural has affecetd other parts of my life i am more health conscious and find myself using more natural stuff as a result.The world is not perfect so we cnt live fully 100% natural in what we eat or wear but you can make a difference by the choices you make and one of those choices is not relaxing my hair anymore.When you apply what you know that is ALL you can do nothing more. Regarding feeling left out that is her issue with herself as "out of the heart the mouth speaks".This blog is welcome to people of all races n hair texture,so saying that relaxed are not welcome its a lie.The tips on this site are for everyone.As for mre and my house we shall serve the Lord!Happily transitioning and have found great tips and support online!

Cupcake415 said...

Ummm... Like "Kisha" said... She made this seem as if this was "Light skin v.s. Dark Skin"... Or shall we say "Natural v.s. Relaxed"...

First of all:
This site is basically to educated people who have natural hair, it teaches us the proper care, and it gives us a chance to give and get advice from fellow naturals.

Second of all:
It was mentioned that GOD did give us natural hair... We never said "If we have natural hair then we have to be 100% natural, no make-up etc"... This is strictly talking about "HAIR"...

Third:
Since I have been on this site, (and I am pretty sure that I can vouch for other people on here)I have NEVER seen a post "DOWN TALKING" or "DISSING" people that have relaxed hair. This site strictly talks about the proper techniques and care of having NATURAL HAIR....

So, with that said... I am dissagreeing with that "Unknown Writter"... It is really NOT that deep. If the site bothers her she can simply just NOT come to this site... Her writing that was just simply pointless!

Anonymous said...

"That's like me going into Lane Bryant and being upset because they don't carry my size when I'm not full figured. Or going to Subway and being upset because they don't serve burgers..."

LMAO!!!! Now THAT is funny...great analogy...I just thought a little humor needed to be injected in this conversation.

Anonymous said...

I disagree with the "God Given Statement." If a natural wants to say that she prefers her God given texture, then that is true and fine to say so. When one wears nail polish, makeup, ect., they are not chemically altering their face or their nails. Be proud to rock what is natural with no apologies!

Anonymous said...

::SIGH::

This is a natural hair site.

apaine said...

this irks me cuz it's like she's purposely trying to misunderstand because SHE'S insecure. the God given comments allude to accepting your beauty without feeling the need to change your ethnic features. yes we do our hair, wear makeup... we also brush our teeth and shower even tho we weren't born with a toothbrush and a bar of soap...

this is a natural hair site, so we will talk about being natural and glorify it because we love being natural. is that biased? yes. but so what. that's why there's a blog specifically for it. if she wants a site that is less specific so she can feel less "left out", i'm sure she can find one on google. that being said, i'm not for hair snobbery from anyone regardless of how they wear their hair. and if some individual has made snobbish comments, that's not the blogs fault. who are any of us to dictate what people say and feel about THEMSELVES and their experiences whether it be a hair journey or any other aspect of their life. so what if they don't word it the way you would, or are more passionate about it than you are. so what?! really...

Anonymous said...

To Nikki: First of all, thank you for being open and unbiased by posting this letter. It definately shows how mature you are about all this. Secondly, as stated previously, I want you to know how much we all appreciate this site and the effort you make to not only make us like what nature has given us, but also ways to bond with and support one another on our journeys, no matter our color.

That being said, I'm not gonna lie; my temper flared a bit from reading that letter. As that author knows (I'm sure), going natural takes a lot of patience and courage; why would she want to knock anyone for doing that? And saying someone is not natural because they use health and beauty products makes as much sense to me as saying I'm not black because I don't speak slang and grub on fried chicken and watermelon. (Just as negative of a stereotype to me as stating we essentially need to be 'bushwomen' in order to be considered natural).

As far as feeling excluded is concerned, let me pose this question: would one have a valid argument about not being represented as a heterosexual when visiting the site for The Advocate or something of that nature? It wasn't geared towards you; absorb the knowledge that's applicable and accept it or go somewhere else. I feel as women we set up so many boundaries and obstacles to keep one another down that this saddens me more than anything else. Why not celebrate someone making a decision to be who THEY want to be and do you? YOU made the choice to chemically alter your hair; so what? Does it make others wrong who chose not to? Like you said earlier, God gave all of us free will...let people do what they chose and why even stress yourself over it? Sorry this is so long, but I get so tired of unnecessary drama...

Anonymous said...

I think that is an effort to defend one point of view we can"t completely ignore the fact that there are those that think of being natural as a little more than a hair choice. Yes, I am natural, and love it. But, I don't think that my being natural makes me better than anyone. However, I have seen comments like equating giving a relaxer to a child to child abuse. Inappropriate, maybe. Child abuse, I have a hard time with that! Does being natural make me a more positive person. I don't think so. More negative. I don't think so. But the door swings both ways on that. There is is always a tendency in any way of life to take things to an unnecessary extreme. Not just in hair care.

Anonymous said...

You guys are making me want to take my twists down and play with my hair!

Anonymous said...

I can't wait for TYRA to have a natural that wins or at least gets past the makeover unscathed on America's Next Top Model so I can feel inclusive in America, too. :-)

Keisha said...

I don't think that letter was fair. Black women around the world have been told for years that their natural hair is not beautiful and needs to be changed in order for it to look beautiful. Even during times of afros and the black panther movement, it started as a form of rebellion; wearing your hair in its natural state. Every day we see women with long flowing straight or curling iron curled hair. Placing in our subconcious what beauty is supposed to be. Children are having their hair relaxed before they are even old enough to remember what their natural hair looks like. This is so not the same as makeup and jewelry. How many three year olds are being plastered with foundation and lipstick? How many times do you walk out of your house and someone asks you if you are gonna put some makeup on as if as a black woman walking around with no makeup is unheard of? That's how people treat relaxers. I am in no way a natural nazi. I don't believe that natural is for everyone. I just believe that it is for me and i think that if I want to celebrate this "taboo" of wearing my genetically predispositioned hair type (since God given doesn't seem appropriate to some) than I think I have that right. If you are not natural and you follow a blog for naturals, than why complain? There are many sites and forums to celebrate relaxed and texlaxed hair. I won't go into a discussion on stretching relaxers and which relaxer is the best, cause I don't have one in my hair.

I'm honestly not upset, so I hope my message doesn't sound angry. I just get disappointed with all the finger pointing i see in some forums. Can we not encourage and celebrate with one another and just stop trying to put each other down? (i think this is a woman issue, not natural vs relaxed/texlaxed).

ok i'm done...whew, that was nice to get out :)

(aka BrownCuty)

JenellyBean said...

HUH???

When have we ever bashed women??

We are happy and embracing our natural hair and thats what brings us together simply put.

All that stuff bout deodorant and what not is irrelevant.

www.KinkyCurlyCoilyMe.com

Anonymous said...

I admitt it I am a natural hair snob! Because I feel sorry for all the poor black women I see forcing their hair straight. I used to be relaxed but after my AWAKING to the beautiful person that is ME, I began to wonder why the hell I was putting that perm in my head like that....and she should too.....

kimmie0810 said...

I understand the analogies being made regarding looking for size 2 @ Lane Bryant, or a heterosexual feeling left out when visiting a homosexual website; but I don't think it's the content she's upset about. I think it's the tone that SOME posters on this site & others take. Like right now, the whole point (although somewhat convuluted & confusing) of her e-mail is being missed.

I have never read anything directly from Nikki that was preachy or holier than thou, but some of the comments on here can be a bit abrasive. If not abrasive, then elitist like "we" are somehow better than "them" b/c we are more enlightened or something.

The anonymous e-mailer most certainly could go to another site to get what she needs. And perhaps she should. I subscribe to a natural/raw food blog. I however, have not committed to a raw diet but I like the information posted on the site. The blogger tends to be a bit extreme sometimes, for my tastes, in that she RANTS & RAVES about how "gross" certain foods are & how she's disgusted by this & that. Her attitude comes across as one of superiority at times. I roll my eyes & ignore it. I'd never think to write her about it. But at the same time, she could mellow out on the preaching & the rants about everything from body lotion with "poison" to the sin of showering w/o a water filter.

The anonymous e-mailer has a RIGHT to her feelings but she also has free will to seek information from a variety of sources & is not being held hostage here or anywhere else (I presume). I just think that some naturals need to chill out & remember that it IS just hair. And think of how offended they would be (or are) if people try to encourage them to relax & berate them for it.

kimmie0810 said...

We can share information about & discuss what WE do without even mentioning THEM. What is the point of even talking about relaxed people & what they are doing?

Extreme Analogy Alert: that's like a racist person spending all of their time talking about about what black folks are doing. If u don't like us or don't agree, then ignore & live your life making you a better you. There's no need for the negative comments about relaxed women(brainwashed, crack addict, etc) acting like they are wrong or ignorant for their choice. Maybe they have all the information the could need or want & still choose to relax.

Anonymous said...

I actually partially agree with the women who wrote this e-mail to you Nikki. Yesterday, one of your guest writer's wrote about working in an environment where there aren't women who wear their hair in its "natural" state. Then one day she met a girl from a different department at her job, who wore her hair to her liking. They conversed over curly hair products and tips, and then suddenly the each didn't see each other for a while. The writer of this post assumed the other was laid off or found a new job. Months pasted and a tap on her shoulder changed it all. It was the women from the other department, lost were this woman's tight curls replaced with long flowing straight strands. The writer of the post was shocked and bit her tongue until their conversation, "but what happened to your hair?" the guest blogger asked. The woman told her that she went to the hairdresser, and the stylist "accidentally" put a relaxer in it thinking it was a deep conditioner. I deeply was offended by this guest blogger because she was implying that this women, whom she didn't know beyond their conversations over curl products was lying to her about the "accidental relaxer". The woman didn't cry or dwell over her lost curly locks; instead she embraced the new style. The writer having no insight into this woman's personal life didn't whether or not this woman grieved for months or days over her lost hair, or just decided to go back to relaxers, but perhaps was to embarrassed to express that to her because they were not really friends. Hair like some things can be personal. The guest blogger said that she couldn't relish in the joy this woman expressed in her hair because it was now straight. This leads me to support the e-mail this guest blogger writes and her use of this us vs. them argument because truly what seems natural is support someone regardless of their hair type because it is their free will--- their decision to do what they want with their hair.

brittany said...

hmmmm.
I once heard the comment, "I thought you were going natural, why are you wearing makeup?
-____-
While this is almost an acceptable argument, I think it's important to realize that this natural hair community in united to stress the importance of hair health--even moreso, to help revive positive feelings about our natural endowment. While makeup, nail polish, hair dye, etc. do change the appearance of certain features temporarily, they aren't always used to "hide" what is really there. This message seems like an attack on the pride of the natural hair community. Personally, I realize that I don't need the makeup and nail polish; and deodorant is just a means of personal hygiene. All of that is just decoration. I am not forgetting where I come from, or frowning upon the state of my God given features. I can do without painted nails and a painted face for a day...but can you go without your relaxer? The question, to me, is rhetorical.

Anonymous said...

This makes me angry. It sounds alot like people who hate Black History Day. Us women with curly hair need some place where we can seek refuge from a world that tells us that the way God made us isn't good enough. After a day of people telling me "you have good hair" and "when are you gonna straighten your hair". I feel a sense of sisterhood when I come on Curly Nikki. This site has helped me to walk into my work place with my head held high. It takes a string person to face adversity in the way most naturals do. I love the online support. You shouldn't judge what you don't understand. To be angry at the sites that show us love and judge those of us who want to embrace our natural hair is sickening. It is about God for me. Perms do more than damage your hair. My doctor told me not to get perms while I was pregnant. My 1st inch of texture was WAY different than my actual texture. Learning how to love ourselves, have healthy hair and take care of our bodies is not wrong. To each their own and to judge us because we're no throwing out all processed food as well or whatever you view as being "NATURAL" is sad.

No one in the US is ALL natural unless they are amish. For women our hair really dictates how we feel about ourselves. I could be dressed in sorry looking clothes but I make sure my hair is done.
29 on 29 you hit the nail on the head

I really do hope that you find a place that you feel like you belong. I sense alot of hurt.

Chai said...

I sincerely hope the reader is able to see both sides of the argument. We each have our own definitive ideas on what constitutes as 'natural' and that goes for sooooo many things in our day to day lives. I think it's important to have an open dialgoue about this, yet at the same time refrain from the negativity that's often times harboring underneath. I relate to my hair as 'natural' because in all honestly it's just a term used to describe textured hair that has not been chemically processed. I absolutely DO NOT take it literally. I use shampoo to cleanse my hair, conditioner to soften, gel and hair butters to style - all of which contain chemicals...even the more natural of my product choices shea butter. Most things on this earth can be broken down into chemical components, so I never equate my entire lifestyle as 'all natural...' I don't know too many people in society who can truthfully make that claim. I really do think it's about finding a common understanding while we all take this journey either together or separately, and offer each other vocal or silent support. I feel saddened that at times we seem to be fighting ourselves, our own misguided ideas rather than finding solutions and bridging the gap we often feel within our own communities. 'Snobbery' exists in all aspects of society, we will all encounter it at some point or another, but it's how we stand up to it and guide our own perspectives to a better sense of authenticity that matters.

Doc said...

this email is like white people not understanding why there is a need for cultural studies in colleges. or not understanding the usefulness of black history month. when people are in a minority status- they need additional support/representation because main stream culture leaves them out.
natural haired women are a minority. relaxed and straight hair are CONSTANTLY represented in the media and everyday life. This blog is for natural curlies. If a girl with straight hair (who this blog isn't for) comes to the blog and wants to know what us curlies are using, then fine, please do so. but to demand that she be represented on a CURLY HAIR blog is preposterous to me. straight hair is represented everywhere. this blog was created to bring more attention to a hair textured that has, traditionally, been ignored. this blog never claimed to be a hair blog for the masses. this is specifically for a minority group that has been marginalized. now- if "curlynikki" claimed to be a hair blog for all, then you would have the right to request that that blogger be more representative of you and your hair. But this is a blog for curlies so i do not think it is your right to make such demands.

Kemi2006 said...

I have not witnessed what she describes on this site or any other natural site that I know of... but maybe because I am natural it goes unnoticed. Now if we apply this post to the one from yesterday where the writer had an myocardial infarction because her friend/coworker/buddy/sista fried her hair with the creamy crack, then okay, I see the writer's pov in that particular situation, lol

Lori said...

I agree with the majority of posters above who said that this IS a NATURAL HAIR BLOG and forum. Period. Why would I visit a RELAXED hair blog and chastise them for not including natural hair topics. That email was completely off the point and unnecessary.

Anonymous said...

Don't worry about the Black women with natural hair. "Do you."

Anonymous said...

Personally, if she doesn't like sites like this then she doesn't have to read it. There is information and websites for women with texlaxed and relaxed hair. I have to agree with another poster, no one bashes relaxed women. Hell they are heavily embraced!!! This is for us and if there are those out there who don't like it then don't read it!!!

Alexia said...

Preach on Sister Girl! Lol. But on a more serious note...she has a point. A very good point at that. Its not about not including relaxed hair in the topics its the negativity that is felt from 'naturals.' I visit natural and relaxed hair blogs alike. Relaxed hair blogs never look down upon naturals so why should natural blogs. Eh...I don't have an issue with curlynikki but I have felt the tension elsewhere.

Anonymous said...

Quiessa here...
I read the article on this site that may have offended the texlaxed reader. The person that wrote the article was natural and was talking about a co-worker that was natural but then permed her hair. In the article the writer did sound like she did not want to be in no way this persons friend since she "mistakenly" permed her hair. From the tone of the article it did seem like the writer looked down upon her co-worker since her hair was now permed. I think the word she used was "betrayed".
This article could offend a texlaxed or relaxed reader. The writer of this article must know that there will be some people out there who will act like they are better than others because they wear their hair in an altered state. You cannot get offended. Wearing your hair in a natural state can be a tough road for some. One must take into consideration why that person may have felt the way that she did to be so offended from her friend going back to the creamy crack.
I believe that if you frequent natural hair sites you always run the possibility of running into someone who looks down on people with relaxed hair. You cannot get offended or let those people bother you. People who are natural have a type of kinship and the writer from the article just felt betrayed.

Maria said...

Maybe try reading hair blogs dedicated to texlaxed hair. I am sure that there are some out there. Maybe try visiting Tracey's Keep It Simple Blog spot, she's transitioning from relaxed to texlaxed. I go to all sorts of blogs and forums. There's no sense in getting frustrated. I'm sure that you can chew the fat and spit out the bones when it comes to natural hair sites, if you know what I mean. I go to blogs for people with relaxed hair and I don't even think twice about it, just take what I can and leave the rest of it (relaxers) behind.

Lori said...

I have to add to my previous comment that this section below is untrue and unfair to Nikki, above all else. I am just disgusted by that email because of what it suggests about Nikki herself.

"I love that your site promotes and preaches embracing women with curly textured hair, but on another note it almost seems to condemn women who do not fit in that clique.

Anyhow, I will still continue to peruse your site because honestly I really like it and find it to be one of the best hair blogs/communities online; but with that said it could still be a tad more embracing."

Nikki has gone above and beyond in providing a very well-rounded forum with guest bloggers/writers from so many different areas of curly/natural hair, which again, is what THIS site and blog are about.

Do members voice their opinions about relaxed or otherwise chemically altered hair? Yes, we do. However, OUR comments have absolutely nothing to do with how Nikki has developed this site and all the good it provides to so many people.

It would be more adult for this individual to come to the forums and address her concerns there. That seems to be the proper venue. That, or submit her own article and we can hash it our via comments here. We are all entitled to our own opinions and there may be times when someone who is not a naturally curly head may be offended BECAUSE they are not curly. But taking issue with NIKKI is so unfair. Address us who comment. I welcome any such debate...and I Don't believe I've ever read anyone at this site call names or be ugly to anyone.

I think that person owes Nikki an apology for suggesting that any of her actions by posting articles or inviting other bloggers to participate in her site has contributed to an unwelcome atmosphere towards non-curly/natural heads. Totally unfair and untrue.

Alana said...

I am sorry that the reader feels this way but...

There is nothing wrong with saying that we want to wear our God given natural hair. If the woman wears make up, deodorant, and colors her kinks that is her business.

MonnieD said...

I am currently transitioning and first I am a person. So to defined me as a natural is syncretical to defining you as a "relaxer". I do not say "oh your going relaxer or your a relaxy" I am human being who made the decision to go natural. Defining people as natural only allows us to define you as a relaxer. I think you are taking the word too literal because none of us are living in trees, We obviously have access to the internet, this is blog, so if you really want to define the word so literal, realistically how many people are actually natural. I felt the need to look up definition of natural in the dictionary and this is what I found.
Natural
–adjective
1. existing in or formed by nature ( opposed to artificial): a natural bridge.
2. based on the state of things in nature; constituted by nature: Growth is a natural process.
3. of or pertaining to nature or the universe: natural beauty.
4. of, pertaining to, or occupied with the study of natural science: conducting natural experiments.
5. in a state of nature; uncultivated, as land.
6. growing spontaneously, without being planted or tended by human hand, as vegetation.
7. having undergone little or no processing and containing no chemical additives: natural food; natural ingredients. Compare organic ( def. 11 ) .
8. having a real or physical existence, as opposed to one that is spiritual, intellectual, fictitious, etc.
9. of, pertaining to, or proper to the nature or essential constitution: natural ability.
10. proper to the circumstances of the case: a natural result of his greed.
11. free from affectation or constraint: a natural manner.
12. arising easily or spontaneously: a natural courtesy to strangers.
13. consonant with the nature or character of.
14. in accordance with the nature of things: It was natural that he should hit back.
15. based upon the innate moral feeling of humankind: natural justice.
16. in conformity with the ordinary course of nature; not unusual or exceptional.
17. happening in the ordinary or usual course of things, without the intervention of accident, violence, etc.
18. related only by birth; of no legal relationship; illegitimate: a natural son.

This was found at dictionary.com. There are more definition you are welcome to look. I choose definition 18 beacuse it states that natural is related only by birth. Therefore hair that we have when we are born would be our natural hair and some have the right to believe that this is " God Given hair" since it is the hair we are born with.
2. I think natural hair snobbery can exist but to judge such a website like curlynikki that promotes a enviroment for healthy hair is just plain silly. I am in the process of transitioning. So yes I started with relaxed hair and found curlynikki website. Her website gave me the foundation to start an healthy hair process and healthier lifestyle.
3. I just think before you judge you should do your research throughly because you know what they say when you assume. You have the right to your opinion but the ignorance that exist in your opinion just makes you look ignorant. Thanks :)

Jeannette said...

I read this article and was a bit confused. I'm not sure exactly where the writer was going. If one has no chemicals they are natural, point blank. Make-up has nothing to do with it because it is not naturally grown. But our hair is naturally grown and it is freedom not having to use chemicals on our hair. For MANY years we felt obligated wearing straight, chemical based hair and finally we can let that go and embrace our hair naturally. Honestly, I think the writer of this article is looking too deep into the subject matter and all I have to say to her is, Wow is it really that serious???? Stop analyzing. Let it go and let it flow.

Pi*Jay said...

I do not get "snobbery" from this site at all. I think that many people mistake confidence for snobbery as in this case. Furthermore, this is a NATURAL HAIR BLOG/SITE. If you do not like all the natural hair praise, you can easily visit another site. Problem solved.

Next, if not natural hair, what should "nonchemically straightened hair" be called? Nappy? I mean really... I dont think this is something to lose sleep over. Its not that serious.

Finally, I dont quite understand why people get offended when God is brought up into ANY conversation. Why not? God is a major part of society... has and always will be... and whether you believe in God or not, him and his name are not going anywhere. People use the term "God-given hair" because it is the hair that they were birthed with. That is all. We are not claiming that natural or god-given hair is superior... simply that if it is the path that you choose, you should fully embrace it. If you choose to chemically alter your hair, thats fine and there is nothing wrong with that... but I dont see the purpose in taking offense to the pride that a girl who is natural exudes. That pride is not easy to achieve in a society that believes straight hair and light skin is more acceptable. A society that believes kinky hair is unprofessional and unkempt. If anything, that pride should be encouraged, not condemned.

Dana said...

um...this is a site dedicated to natural hair. of course she's going to feel left out--she doesn't have natural hair. I don't think that most natural hair sites are trying to be elitist, rather, they're putting out information because there is a high demand for it and interest in it. It's the same thing as those black hair magazines that cater to mostly relaxed hair! She shouldn't take it that seriously...

Miss said...

Wow.. she seems to be feeling some-kind-of-way huh?

This is a place for natural (and texlaxed) women. At least, that's the way i've viewed it. There are very few of us who are 100% natural in everyday life.

I see this place as a haven for those of us with curls, kinks, coils... be they God-Given.. (yes Im saying God gave me these curls.) Or chemically created.

as curly "natural" hair becomes the fad, it's slowly being accepted. I mean SLOWLY!

Why not have a place to come and talk shop? Curly, Kinky, Nappy hair gets bashed from all sides.. Having this and other forums to connect and so forth is a good thing.

I don't think i've ever seen outright bashing of Non-naturals (straight haired, Chemically straightened or what have you.) At least here.

Are there natural hair snobs? You bettcha! But I think that comes with dealing with people who'd rather see you do things you dont want, just because they're popular.. or putting up defenses because you arn't the "normal"

But I don't see CN as a pusher of Snobbery.. I see the site as a pusher of Natural hair :)

To each her own i suppose.. But it's really nothing to get all up in arms...

Anonymous said...

I agree with you kimmie0810. I too cringe at some of the bloggers' comments and think "wow", was that statement really necessary. But we have to be true to ourselves and whether I like it or not, diversity is our strength. Everybody has a story and my story doesn't make me better than you, it's just my story. Ok, I don't know what that story thing is about, but anyway, I love being natural and I can be my own worst critic which is why I practice self-acceptance; to thine self be true. This statement is really becoming my mantra:). Hold your head up my sister, it's just your story.

On a another note, Curly Nikki thank you from my scalp and heart for all the information that this site brings to the naturals, transitioners, relaxed and everyone in between community. I would have never made it this far without the information that I've received from this site. Love and respect:-).

Anonymous said...

I think the post was whack!!!!!!!!!

Patrice-The Soap Seduction said...

This really is a touchy subject. I've been natural for about 10 years and was always considered the outsider because there were few naturals at that time. I agree that there are some nappy snobs out there who look down upon women who choose to relax their hair, but the bottom line is it is a choice, and it's not for everyone. Caring for natural hair is more time-consuming and often costlier (with the specialized products our hair requires) than getting a perm, and I've known many women who made a conscious effort to really go natural, but they didn't have the time and/or the patience to put into it. This site is about celebrating our hair in its natural state, and yes, we glorify it because this is one of the few forums where we can all come together to share ideas and celebrate our beauty in its natural state. This site isn't about snobbery, but about accepting and embracing and loving our hair-in its natural state-for what it is-good and bad.

Anonymous said...

she sounds bitter.

OnyxGreen said...

Honestly, a lot have good points have been brought up. HOWEVER Saying that you are 'going natural' does NOT usually imply that you have embraced a completely natural vegan lifestyle. It usually means you have stopped using a texturizer or relaxer. To compare not having chemically altered hair to nail polish, makeup, and deodorant is... almost absurd and quite the stretch. Well maybe makeup isn't the hugest stretch but those examples deal with decorative choices and hygiene. If you clip a flower in your hair, does that mean you are not natural?- of course not.

Women of all races and colors choose to wear makeup, nail polish and deodorant etc. However all women of all races have not been institutionalized and made to believe that their hair type was inferior.

Being that 'anonymous' has revealed that she is 'texlaxed' I don't think it's a stretch to say that has influenced your opinion and maybe how you feel about your own hair type.

This site is far from a bashing forum on women who use chemicals on their hair. It is more of a celebration of people who choose to be proud of what they were born with(or 'God-given') on top of their heads...especially when for hundreds of years they were made to believe that they shouldn't be.

I'm the last person to call someone jealous, but clearly you are a fan of the site. So maybe it isn't 'bashing' or exclusion you are feeling, but a tad bit of insecurity regarding your own hair choices, as you've said you've been natural a few times before. If you decide to try again, well you've already found a great site to help you.

Lastly, it's not that crazy to have one healthy choice lead to another.* in regards to your comment about women letting their hair dictate other areas of their lives.i.e. natural hair leading to a 'natural lifestyle' or watching what you eat or exercising more.

Anonymous said...

I think the reason why natural women( as i am one myself)refer to their hair as a god given is it is something that we are born with.....as we do have the right to free will we should not be consider snobby or viewed in a negative light. To be natural is considered a deep connection with yourself and self esteem because you are going in the opposite direction of what people would like you to do and because of that you get people like this.......with every decision there are consequences good or bad so rather you are telaxed,relaxed or natural you will have to live with the consequences...... there are plenty of naturals who dont wear makeup or nail polish or eat natural food that doesnt make them any less of being natural.

Shirly said...

Nikki,

First off.. I love this sight I have never been on a site where I have just felt like I was actually APART of what was going on!

This site makes you want to Embrace your Natural Head and Love Yourself and find yourself!

If she doesn't like it she should BACK OFF! and go to some other sight.

Yes this hair was given BY GOD! just like everything else.. so why not embrace it?!

anyways... i love ur work!

Anonymous said...

DEE said,
How dare you!!!! That really ticks me off. We are NOT perfect no one is(in reference to being all natural in every way). If I chose to wear my hair in it's 'natural' state, 'GOD Given' state or what ever I chose to call it.....then so be it. It aint nobody's business but my own. Obviously it bothers you or you wouldn't have taken the time to write an 'Anonymous' post. The name of this site is "Curly-Nikki"(hence-curly). If you can't get with it why bother 'perusing' this site.

Anonymous said...

I love my chemical free hair;as do the majority of women on this site. When you love something you uphold and celebrate and cherish it. In everything there will be people who take things to the extreme. I liken it to the person who finds religion and wants everyone around them to convert! My hair God given and I don't think I need to tone down my enthusiasm for my natural hair in order for you to feel better about your texlaxed hair.

Micki said...

I am newly natural and here are my thoughts. I am going to give Anonymous the benefit of the doubt...

Before I was 100% "natural", it DID sting when someone would say something about "being proud of their God given hair". I felt that it implied that I was ashamed of my hair, when that wasn't the case. I felt that oftentimes the phrase was used as oversimplified reasoning for a very complex issue. In many cases, it may not be tied to self-esteem. Every relaxed woman isn't suffering from low self-esteem and every natural woman isn't overflowing with self-esteem.

Sometimes being relaxed is all a woman knows and change isn't easy.

Now that I am on "the other side", someone called me a Natural Hair Nazi!!!! *gasp* I am no such thing. I love MY hair and I will shout it from the rooftops. I most certainly do not expect others to share my thoughts on hair. Do you.

Kimmie said...

While the author makes some really good points, I took issue with her comment regarding the fact that this site somehow "condemns" non curly girls. Well, the site is called CURLY Nikki. It's obvious that the focus will be on curly hair in general and in many instances, Nikki in particular. There are plenty of other hair sites/forums that focus on other hair types and/or all hair types. Why on earth would anyone have a problem with the fact that this site focuses on a particular group? If you are not getting what you need from this place, you are free to find it elsewhere. It's like me walking into a store that specializes in hats and complaining that they make a girl like me feel excluded because I happen to love shoes. Um, what? Where's the logic?

Micki said...

One more things...

I have visited many sites. I have never gotten an unsupportive vibe from this site.

Keep up the good work Nikki!

Liberay Shun - Liberate Ed said...

I for one am proud to be a memeber of this "exclusive" community of "natural" women. In this society where there is soooo much self hatred, and wanting to look like other than what was inherited naturally, it is refreshing to be able to unite with people of like thinking...rock on....

Kimmie said...

I realized nearly everyone above had an issue with the same thing I did. That will teach me not to read the responses before I add mine. One other thing, I noticed someone mentioned that it's not Nikki's postings, it's some of the attitudes of those that comment. Well I say, stop reading them. I'm a pretty busy chick and I honestly don't have time to read all the comments. I stick with the main postings unless I think I'll find something really useful in the comments (example: when people lists their fave products). I always feel good vibes from this place and I direct every single person who compliments my hair to this site. So if you find parts of it that are negative, simply avoid it and take the good stuff you gain from it and be happy. Life's far too short to be pressed about this kinda stuff.

Rock'n Natural Curls said...

My comment may be repeating some of thoughts that I haven't read yet but here goes: My God gave me the hair that grows out of my head. I could not have created something this beautiful if I tried. In my opinion, this site is for women and men who choose to embrace their God given hair and even on occasion add a little something like color. But more importantly we want to learn and teach how to care for our hair no matter what state it is in. This is a forum that gives us permission to be what we want-NATURAL- without having to justify it. I don't believe that this forum is meant to be exclusive, but if the glove don't fit, you must aquit! But seriously, we are passionate about our natural hair and if that makes me a snob then I really should not have dignified your rant with a rebuttal. I'm just sayin'

Anonymous said...

wow..lol..well hey, i guess i might as well join the convo...100th comment! here we go!

Anyways, this poor woman is unnecessarily TIGHT but she does have a point. But...

-> Curlynikki.com doesn't bash non-naturals. After transitioners say what they gotta say, not much else is said about the "creamy crack." ::shrug::

->Oh and whether you are black or white or Japanese or Indian, God gave you the hair that grows out your scalp. Its not about race. This means your hair is either very straight or mostly straight or somewhat straight or KINKY! :-) It's the women that are confused. God knows what He did.

-> as a natural girl for ALL of my life (n lovin it!), I've always thought that black women talk entirely too much about hair, PERIOD. Seriously. Including natural girls. Actually, especially natural girls. I love Curlynikki's site because it helps women feel good about being natural and because there is a lot of personality behind her posts. Otherwise, I think women spend money, time and stress talkin bout hair. Its JUST HAIR! Technically, all you really need to make your hair grow is good nutrition. Healthy hair for all starts from the inside out. Period.

The reason this lady probably feels the way she does is because women take "going" natural so seriously, like it's a battle to be won. It sorta becomes your idol, mood gage and pride. On natural hair blogs, everyone is posting pics and if ur not sure of yourself, you'll have "hair envy." SMH. It's sad. Times like when naturals take bad hair days personally. No, its not cuz ur natural. Its cuz, shrug, you're having a bad hair day. We have to take natural hair as it is. We are not "going" natural. We ARE natural. We just never accepted it. She made this a big deal cuz we make it a big deal.

Anonymous said...

Lets not use this as an opportunity to judge the woman who wrote this. Just like she should not judge anyone else. I personally feel that it does not matter how one wears their hair. Life does not evolve around hair or hair texture. I love this website and I look at it and read the post whenever I get the chance. But lets not depend our life on something so fleshly. We need to learn to love one another regardless of however their hair is. This should not be a natural vs. relaxed thing

Anonymous said...

continuation of anonymous..
dag not 100th no more! o well...

yea i wanted to add that I dont mean hair means absolutely nothing..but it aint always about...YOUR HAIR! lol..we need fi accept we for we!!

Mailuv7 said...

Her comments on ppl on curlynikki giving off a snobbish vibe was definitely supported by the commentators on this post. Many called her jealous, insecure & defensive, yet they displayed the exact same behavior. I don't think she has to be 'natural' to gain valuable insight from the posts on CN, anyone interested in learning about healthy hair & healthy living could learn a lot from this site. Yes women w/ kinkier hair have been maligned & looked down upon & it is nice to have a forum such as this to embrace everyone's curls & kinks; but sometimes there is an 'us' v 'them' vibe to guest posts & comments. A lot of women celebrate natural hair as a life style & for many including me; it's just hair. I'm glad she posted her thoughts; some women bashed her for posting anonymously but what difference what it have made if we knew her name, or could see her profile. She would have just opened herself up to even more personal verbal attacks.

KIMMIE0810 said...

Kimmie I do take the time to read alot of the posts on here b/c I might miss some valuable information. How am I to know what the tone of the post will be before I read it? LOL. I take it with a grain of salt b/c it doesn't really "offend" me. Again, I roll my eyes & keep it moving like I do with anything else that seems over the top to me.

I don't think the overall tone of this site is negative, elitist, or condescending (especially not from Nikki herself) but I read many blogs & message boards & overall when there's a bunch of natural women gabbing it up, there will always be at least one or two in the bunch talking smack. That's just how things go. Maybe the anonymous e-mailer (I love calling her that lol) just gets overwhelmed with it coming from different sources & felt Nikki was approachable? I dunno. Or mabye a certain post, comment, or article set her off (I think alot of brows were raised at the accidental relaxer/co-worker post). Who knows!!

CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG???!!!

Anonymous said...

Btw, using the nail polish, etc example was foolish, my girl! nail polish is removable and you'll have ur natural nail. Perms are...NOT removable and therefore no natural hair! Don't be silly. God bless you on your journey to truth.

P.S. Look up Black Rose, a natural hair pioneer.

Anonymous said...

WOW!!
1. This is a natural hair blog, so thats what we are going to talk about....that's it!! Straight hair is seen as the way all hair should be so for those of us who decided to go against that and embrace WHAT GOD GAVE US, we do like to have support and a place to go to feel welcome.
2. I have never read an article on this blog that has ever "bashed" people without natural hair! Yes we do speak highly of natural hair but who doesn't talk about things that they work hard to achieve and are very proud of.
3. Just because we don't want chemically processed hair, that doesn't mean we have to be cave woman and not use any man made products. We just don't want chemicals in our hair and on our scalp.
I hope this person's post doesn't give any ideas of including anything that hasn't been included all along! Don't like it....don't look!

Blex

Alana said...

lol it seems that all she did was just open up a big can of snob-ish comments. If you didnt notice the snobbery before this post (like me) you can certainly see it now!

I think that curly nikki supports both relaxed and natural, but of course we cater to natural hair more because we need the support to maintain healthy hair. Some see chemicals as damaged hair...and that is understandable. But for the most part curly nikki is all about being comfortable with what you have wether its chemically treated or not

Anonymous said...

makeup, nailpolish etc. +natural hair= still some resistance in the greater global community.

makeup,nailpolish etc. +relaxed hair= not as much resistance in the greater global community.

Constant= HAIR

We are in a society where our hair has been an issue especially when it is "different" from the texture of "straightened hair". Unfortunately there is still negativity and low self esteem around natural hair.

Good for you if you embrace all and have been on both side of the tracks. All the more you should understand how folks are treated on certain sides of the tracks.

Pick out on this website what suits you and for those who wish to share their traumas, don't take it so personally. It's about them and not about "you".

You make the choice if what they are saying is true for you or not.

Anonymous said...

I am amazed that the comments generated from this post confirms the exact thing the original email was complaining about.

I've been natural for four months now and this was one of the best sites I happened on concerning natural hair. IMHO, it's not so much the articles that have a 'holier than thou' attitude (excepting the Accidental Texturizer article) but it's the comments in which the superior attitude shows.

As black women, we have so many issues that we deal with on an everyday basis. Must we make our hair, whether natural or relaxed, divisive too?

Channing said...

And before it goes there, this isn't about being snobbish, I just want to make it very clear that I don't support people who try to turn something positive into a negative just because. Are we not allowed to feel proud about anything? Because that's what I'm starting to see, as black women as soon as our enthusiasm goes over level 3 we're doing too much...it's sad, and its unfortunate that people in our own community continue to perpetuate that.

Anonymous said...

1. The writer is entitled to her opinion, however she must understand this is a NATURAL hair site. Natural meaning no longer chemically straightening the hair and embracing it's natural texture.
2. This site is not about bashing those with relaxed or texturized hair. This site is about natural hair knowledge and yes embracing the curls, kinks, and coils that God has given each one of us.
3. Natural hair does not equal a "all natural" lifestyle. However it does heighten the awareness.
4. We want to "rock our natural curls" because many of us have never even seen our natural texture. I was 40 when I BC, up until then I never knew what my virgin hair looked like...pretty sad...so yes I rock it with a little mascara and lipstick! (when people start stoping you on the street, you know you doing it right...thanks CN!)

Snick said...

I have been natural for the last 11 years. I have had a relaxer for only 7 years of my life prior to that. Quite honestly, I have to say there have been times when reading some articles and the accompanying comments, I feel a bit of a sting also. So, I'd have to say that she does make a point even though I do understand that this blog caters to those of us with natural, curly hair. Seriously, I really don't want to say more than that because I feel like whatever it is, at the end of the day, it's just hair. It really is just hair, whether you think you're using it as a weapon of nonconformity or as a means of making some political/social statement. I still maintain that. I wonder sometimes for those of us who say that natural hair has given us confidence we did not have etc etc, what would become of us should that hair all disappear one day as I've seen happen to so many women with cancer undergoing chemo. To me, I take care of mine, but I try to keep in mind at all times that hair like these bodies we reside in is only temporary. I feel great when I see a natural sister rocking her hair in a way that lets me know she cares for it, but guess what I get that same feeling when I see a relaxed sister doing the same. There are those who on this site that have voiced their belief that by virtue of being relaxed alone, because of the use of chemicals, a relaxed sister does not know what it truly means to care for what she has. Three words - get over it!

CMO said...

Natural hair website= natural hair discussions,comments, etc. If you don't like seafood, I suggest that you stay away from Red Lobster. I'm just saying.

Chan said...

I can understand where she's picking up some of the Natural hair snobbery, not from Curly Nikki, but from the natural hair community as a whole. However, for many of us its confidence and pride that many of us have had to build up because our natural hair texture has been bashed for SO long. It's been coined as "bad hair", or the hair that "not beautiful" because of this we've had to form our own support groups and forums. And as far as referring our selves as naturals, of course it's just easier to say. No one is going to walk around saying... "I choose to where my hair's natural texture as it grows out of my scalp?" Natural is just easier.. many people get the point. I believe she should join The Long Hair Care Forum, or Black Hair Media..they cover all hair types.

Milan said...

Case in point, most natural hair blogs weren't created to celebrate relaxed hair or texlaxed hair. So if those that relax or texlax are looking for a pat on the back, you're not going to get it on most natural hair blogs. If you don't want to feel "threatened" then don't read those kinds of blogs. Read blogs geared toward relaxers and texlaxing. That is all.

Adrienne R. said...

If she has such a problem with sites about natural hair, then she should stop looking at the sites. She can start her own website for "texlaxed" hair. And just b/c you wear your hair NATURAL, doesn't mean you've turned everything in life into a natural state. So yes, I will use deodorant, take a shower and use soap, and wash my clothes with detergent. What does that have to do with my hair????!!! I agree with someone else on here on commented that this lady feels unnecessarily threatened. If we don't want to relax our hair, we don't have to. If we want to discuss topics about our NATURAL hair with likeminded people then we can. I don't mean to sound off like she did, but her very entitled opinion is just a waste of time and energy. I'm done.

Pi*Jay said...

@Channing- Agreed. Goodness, seems like people get offended by everything these days...

Anonymous said...

*staring at computer screen with a perplexed and confused look spreading across face* Why she trippin though? There's nothing snobby about this wedsite or any woman who rocks and serves it up with her NATURAL. I may step a little fierce when I'm walking down the street in my big bad heels with my big bad curly fro, but that's not snobbery, that's called confidence. I'm just saying...
http://shatterproofglassdolls.wordpress.com

Shones said...

So, I actually read the entire post and all 120 comments, then refreshed and read 4 new ones. Wow! I just have a question. Nikki, has any other post you've done generated as much discussion as this one? (not including when you had the baby, of course :)

Anonymous said...

Okay, our "infamous" person has had her 15 minutes of attention which I believe is what she was seeking in the first place. Her logic did not add up. Evidently, she has not read some sites where the mention of a perm or any chemicals will get you put in check with the quickness. So it is time for her to log off and go away because this is all about the natural.

♫Quiet Storm♫ said...

I don't get her point. Chemically treated hair is glorified, publicized & advertised EVERYWHERE. Can naturals have a place somewhere, please...? Furthermore, I've yet to see anything posted that bashes non-naturals.

Pi*Jay said...

First, makeup, nail polish, and deodorant are like clothing. They can be taken off. They do not permanently alter your body... and if you insist on this logic, then we might as well throw the word natural out of the dictionary. Nothing these days is absolutely pure and free of alteration. Second, if we dont wear deodorant, we will stink. We dont want that... haha

Channing said...

@ Pi*Jay- Exactly, my thinking is, why get upsest because you aren't included in a community you made a concious decision not to be part of? No one made her texlax her hair and this site nor the people who follow it are about bashing people who choose to use chemicals.

That's not even why we come here, cause I could easily go on a relaxed hair site and harrass them and it'd be much more effective or write a fake and very condecending letter of "concern" about what they got runnin and how I feel about it.

If the support and pride, and celebration of a natural hair community is too much for ya then keep it movin... Cause I for one and not going to sit here and "woo woo woo" her because she's startin to feel some kinda way about it.

Anonymous said...

This woman's argument is completely illogical. Caring for chemically altered hair vs. natural hair are two different beasts once you go past coloring, let's be real. This is a natural haircare site, not a fried/dyed/melted hair site. WTF.

Anonymous said...

Amen sister, i agree with everything the author wrote! i'm with you sister, and NO, you dont sound jealous at all! You have one over here fully supporting the author!!

LtdEdition said...

Ummmm...well. As many commenters have pointed out, it IS a site geared toward women with naturally curly hair. It happens to be a place that Nikki has graciously provided as a forum to not only speak on her experiences with her hair, but to also allow others to do the same--whether as commenters or as guest bloggers. Speaking for myself, I've not encountered the attitude of "condemnation" that the emailer speaks of--not here, nor in the forum. What i do find here, I take as people speaking about their experiences and simply that. If it interests me or is relevant to me, I take it in. If it doesn't, then I don't. No harm, no foul.

I don't mean to negate the emailer's feelings. Many of us have run into "The Hair High-Priestess" both online and in person. There is a lot of encouragement and positivity here, I've found, but people are going to be what & who they are--again, in person & on these here innernets. LOL! I cannot imagine someone's choice to celebrate how & what they do to and for themselves making me feel bad about what I choose to do to and for myself--no matter the terminology uses (e.g. creamy crack, living a "lye", etc.). Again, that's them & their experience.

There's no need to try to level the playing field on either "side" which is exactly what the emailer is doing by indicating that this is a place where he/she doesn't feel "embraced". Further, to be condescending enough to attempt to discredit other's relationship & experience with their hair by saying that her email was "just to point out how ridiculous we're allowing something as simple and minute as hair to suddenly dictate our lives, views, opinions and apparently friendships in some cases" is frankly the reason some of the the responses are such as they are--harsh. Nobody can make you feel bad about your choices if you are happy with your choices--especially not indirectly. These people don't KNOW you. Do you and keep it moving.

BTW, the natural/unnatural, makeup/deodorant analogy you used was simply foolish and took away any credibility your stance may have had.

Rebecca said...

The first thing that came to my mind after reading this post was an incident that happened to me a few weeks ago. I ran into a former co-worker who hadn't really seen me since I cut my bra length, heat damaged hair to its now above shoulder, curly state. The first things out of his mouth were what did you do to your hair, why did you cut it, and can't you still straighten it? And this isn't something new. For years I've experienced taunting about my curly hair and I've felt assaulted by images displaying long straight hair as beautiful. Almost everywhere I look there's straight hair. For years, straight hair has been pushed as the beauty ideal and those who didn't have it were made to feel somewhat less. The fact that this website exists has been such an inspiration and has enabled me to feel beautiful without having to straightening my hair every week. I think its ridiculous that this woman complained about feeling excluded when all my life I've felt that way for having curly hair. I cant tell you how many times I went to salons where they refused to work on my hair if it wasn't relaxed. If she wants to talk about being condemned and excluded lets talk about that! This is one of the few places where we natural girls can come to get support from others going through the same thing and she complains that she feels excluded! Talk about being excluded when you're natural and everything the media portrays as beautiful is straight. I'm sorry, but I dont sympathize with her at all. Please stop visiting the site if you don't like it. But do no criticize the place has enabled me to feel included after years of being made to feel less.

AusetAbena said...

The personal is political. Hair is a big deal, if it wasn't people wouldn't go to such great lengths to straighten it. If it wasn't, naturals wouldn't get such BS comments after going natural. As a vegetarian, people ask me how do I know plants don't have feelings, and I don't feel the need to defend this "contradiction" I have. As a natural, I plan to continue using products that may or may not be all natural. But putting sodium hydroxide on your scalp, texlaxing, and otherwise chemically and permanently altering the way your hair grows naturally is not self-acceptance. The saying goes, if you don't like something, change it. Don't complain. If you don't like your hair, you can change it. But ask yourself, why don't you like it. Are you using some other standard of beauty, such as European, as a gauge of how beautiful you are. I feel the need to come from a far left perspective, because Yes I Am Natural. Yes, I think ALL WOMEN should be natural. But I also respect everyone's journey and believe we all exist in our own truth, a truth that is not as black and white as we make it out to be. Yes, I am a vegetarian. Yes, I think all people should be vegetarian. Again, another journey and truth that I stand in, for myself. My point: I do not apologize for accepting myself, because it took a hell of a long time to get to where I am on this journey, and I'm not even where I want to be, just where I need to be, and for that, there are no apologies. Shout out to whoever quoted Marianne Williamson. "There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will feel comfortable around you." Also, Maya Angelou: "Does my sassiness [naturalness] offend you? Why are you beset with gloom? I'm a woman, [naturally]. [Natura] woman" That's what's Curly Nikki and the rest of us who follow this blog are. I'm sorry Anonymous doesn't feel comfortable in the presence of our acceptance and glorifying of ourselves and each other. But no one has any intentions of shrinking or apologising for her feeling that way. I don't even feel sorry for the way she feels. We all have a right to our emotions. I accept it, just the way I accept my natural hair.

Natural Nini said...

My mouth dropped when i read this.i wonder nikki if you wanna shank her up as bad as i want to lol.everyone listed great points i couldn't stop reading all the comments they were good.i hope she realizes this will never be a texlaxed website! Im a girl struggling to stay true and she definitely pissed me off

I want to thank nikki for helping so many of us.hair may be hair but for some of us it boosts our self-esteem and if you lack that u lack damn near everything

Anonymous said...

i wonder if she's gonna come back and respond...

maybe she could start up TEXLAXEDanonymous.com...im sure TEXLAXED ladies would embrace and feel embraced there, just as ladies with CURLY hair embrace and feel embraced at CURLYnikki.com

Anonymous said...

to add to what others said. if your looking for length a texlax aint gonna help you. perm possibly. healthy and natural possibly. texlax=guarenteed breakage.

Anonymous said...

Oh gosh, it is NOT THAT SERIOUS lol. This is a specialist site, made especially for women who do not chemically alter the natural texture of their hair with relaxers, perms, texurisers, etc. It's like going to McDonald's and complaining that there is no PIZZA on the menu. Read the label, it offers what it advertises.

If you want to see a celebration of straight or texture altered hair, pick up any magazine, watch any station on television...you will see it EVERYWHERE; those women are celebrated every day, all over the world. These specialist sites exist because we 'naturals' are still the minority, we need somewhere to go for advice, validation and a self-esteem boost. I've never seen anyone bash a non-natural on here; only criticize THEIR OWN past hair care choices. Many 'naturals' feel liberated with their curls because their relaxing habit was tied to some sort of deeper issue; losing the relaxer symbolizes freedom for these women (this does not apply to everyone).
There is plenty of useful advice on here for EVERYONE; if you choose to frequent the site, then absorb the content that is relevant to you and your life, and leave the rest.

If women want to refer to their natural hair as 'God-given' then so be it. It's the hair that naturally grows out of their head. And FYI, EVERYTHING is God-made (regardless of what your Catholic education taught you). If women want to put colour on their hair, so what? If women want to put relaxer on their hair, so what? If women want to call themselves natural, and then prevent unpleasant body odour by applying 'unnatural' deodorant, SO WHAT?

Seriously, there are bigger issues in the world. It'd be a shame for Nikki to discontinue or change this site, just because you feel "left out".

Califabulous said...

CURLYNIKKI'S site, as I see it, is not just geared toward women with curly hair-this is my view point. Nikki has curly hair, hence her blog name. You look at the blog you see curly hair. There are many ppl who share on this site so maybe she read a some of the posts where the love for being natural (without quotations) was seen as over the top. There are many folk who in the name of celebrating natural hair make it seem horrible to be relaxed. That's not CURLYNIKKI. Those are ppl on the site, going thru their journey and working on themselves. WHY TRY TO REDEFINE NATURAL? maybe TEXLAXED thinks it false to claim that your hair is in its natural state (even as it grows from your scalp chemical free) because you also don't eat all natural food and/or wear make up (not verbatum) Now this I don't understand. WHY WOULD THAT MAKE YOUR HAIR UNNATURAL? It doesn't change your hair because you wear make up. right? GOD IS THE CENTER OF EVERYTHING. He gave you limbs, eyes, breath in your lungs AND YOUR HAIR. TO LOVE GOD IS TO LOVE YOURSELF. WHY NOT celebrate your hair as God given? not understanding why this is an issue. This is a step in positive direction when HISTORICALLY Black women would ONLY wear relaxed styles and worshiped those with less kinks and basically straight hair. Women would and still do damage their hair and scalp and use money needed for life necessities just to get a relaxer and some women do the same to maintain hair period no matter if relaxed or natural. YES WE MUST FIND A BALANCE on how to embrace our hair period. We don't fit in boxes. WE NEVER HAVE! This is not an attack but food for thought.

I believe the writer TEXLAXED has a point and it is food for thought for some. Still, I think once any person is COMFORTABLE with how they wear their hair it takes any perceived sting out of the exclusivity theory of natural hair blogs. You use the hair tips that work for you and enjoy the "show" that comes along with any blog. I just watched a video the other day where this sista was going on about her love for her "4b" hair how her twists were all that. they don't unravel as fast and what not. SHE was right! her hair was gorgeous and she doesn't have the problems I have with getting twists to stay twisted, as I have. I have to seriously manipulate my hair to maintain that style. I in no way felt that her video excluded me or that she was putting down my type of hair. I loved it and took what i could from the vid. Because I am (mostly-ALWAYS ROOM FOR GROWTH) comfortable with my hair. I love to straighten and I love the kinks as well. ...

@KAT. I love that you shared that story with us. You did your job as a writer and I completely respect it. I was absolutely miffed because I felt that you lost some respect for that girl and actually viewed her differently, but unfairly. You explained everything clearly but I drew on my own experience- I had a friend who was natural and she would give me the stank face and question me when I would straighten (not relax) and it bothered me....because I was UNCOMFORTABLE with my hair at that time and trying to fit in with different circles. I think it could be the same for TEXLAXED-since she mentioned she was the one feeling alienated.

THANK YOU CURLYNIKKI for this forum. we can all speak our minds respectfully and with good intent while we rediscover ourselves. Thanks for the outlet. I need it!

p.s. CAPS do not equal yelling :)

udee said...

I will simply say, wearing your hair in its natural state is not a slippery slope argument.

Anonymous said...

I thank Curly-Nikki for this site, before her and Naturally Curly there were very few sites geared towards kinky-curly hair, I think this person needs to start their own blog if they feel there is a void for texturized hair, that is what Curly-Nikki did and look how successful she is with it. Since Curly-Nikki is a psychotherapist I believe in what she says because I am living it, wearing my hair the way it grows from my head naturally and seeing it get healthier everyday is beautiful, I feel beautiful and I know I am beautiful, I really appreciate this site and speaking out against it will only hurt this individual.

color me purple said...

By the look at the comments, people still don't understand what textlaxed was trying to say. I totally agree with her. There are lots of snobs in the natural world. I don't care what anyone says, but natural is a style and it is not for everyone...
Example of the snobs: I was so embarassed when reading the comments about the curlie who chose to acessorize with blue contacts...The snobs were out in full force on that post. I am tired of hearing the "your trying to be..." debate...
the snobs also come out when someone choses to color their hair blond...I think it is funny when naturals make a "natural criteria"...

Anyway, I love this site because it offers me options and I think you do a great job with being objective and true to the cause...it is more about loving something that I was taught to hate than anything else...

Anonymous said...

It is sad that she feels this way. But hey why not do like Nikki did, and start a blog for texlaxed hair. You be the pioneer to get it started. That is how things change. So instead of focusing on the negative, find the positive in this situation. If there is a need, then fill it.

Kimmie said...

I totally "get" what textlaxed was trying to say. The issue is, why on earth did you approach a natural focused site (and one of the nicest/most inclusive ones at that) to vent your issues with the exclusivity that can be found in the natural community as a whole? I'm hoping we're all adults here. No one needs to hold your hand. If a site or particular post bugs you, move on. Or comment on that specific post. But don't try to call everyone out as if we're all the same. And don't hate on the natural focus and borderline obsession (hey, I'm obsessed with *my* hair, I'm still learning after all), when there are so many outlets for chemically treated hair. It's just silly.

Anonymous said...

I am appalled that “anonymous texlaxed reader” would have the audacity to bring her texlaxed self to an all natural hair website/forum and complain about being excluded. If she was truly a “reader” she would have “read” about the negativity that those of us who are wearing our hair Natural (yes, I said it) endure from family, friends and even strangers. Still, we continue to wear what God (yes, I said that also) gave us. We struggle to have “second day hair” and receive comfort and encouragement in the haven that Curly Nikki has created for us. She, on the other hand, wakes up and goes.

Curly Nikki please do not change this website to accommodate someone who is obviously struggling with reality. If she wants to be accepted by the Natural Community, then she needs to accept the Natural Community.

Now let’s get back to talking about natural hair styles, products and Baby Gia!

Anonymous said...

Everyone has an opinion let this person have hers... Why not take this opportunity to enlighten instead of schooling. There is so much information to learn from sites like these even if you are not natural. What draws me to this site everyday are the inspirational posts about self esteem...not everyone sees this site as a natural hair club lol

JustTrena said...

I’ve only had a chance to read the first couple posts regarding this topic so if I repeat, please forgive me! This reminds me of the talk I had with my daughters regarding the self-esteem issue. I explained to them to never dim their light so others may feel comfortable in their own insecurities; to be the best “them” they can be. So, if someone finds it necessary to come up to you to say “You think you’re cute”, it’s only because THEY think you’re cute, so the response should be “Thank you”. Why else would they take the time out of their lives to tell you what YOU think about yourself? Sometimes folks are a little uncomfortable with decisions they make and sometimes deflect that insecurity on to others. My response to this situation would be, “Thank you!”

LBell said...

I don't really have anything to add except this:

I've been a member of Nappturality (NP) from the very beginning, and from the very beginning I have said that NP is not for all black women and it doesn't have to be. Same for CurlyNikki. The vast majority of people I see represented here have looser textures than mine BUT I still visit and I still get something out of this site. Rather than complaining about how one site doesn't fit your needs, either find one that does or (gasp) make your OWN.

And the whole thing about "natural hair" equating to "natural everything else" is tired. There's a name for that particular rhetorical fallacy but I don't have time to look it up...

Keep on doing what you're doing, Nikki.

29 on 29 said...

SNOBBERY = HATE = nonsense words you make up when you feel a sting when criticized (we will not get into whether it’s any one’s place to criticize/have opinions).

The “sting” you (and other commenters) are feeling is dissonance. You know there’s some truth to what they’re saying, but it’s at odds with what you’re feeling/have felt. I mean, she insinuated tex-laxes are bad, and I have a tex-lax, she must mean *I’m bad*, too, right? I, too, before going natural felt the same thing, but it was more about me holding on to my beliefs/actions, because they were *my* actions, and no one else's to dictate.

To be more positive, it would be very healthy to look at why it matters what others have to say about how *YOU* choose to do your hair.

That’s what we all have in common (again: stressing our common bonds): we have been taught to care WAY too much about what others say about our hair. Our hair is at the forefront for others to comment, weigh in on, ridicule, touch, emulate, etc.

Naturals take note – PEOPLE DO NOT LIKE BEING TOLD WHAT TO DO even if it comes from a good place and even if you think it’s for their betterment.

Think about when you might try to encourage someone to drop a few pounds, lose a loser, be more patient, go back to school, pull their pants up, stop wearing color contacts. Usually never works – you’re ultimately met with resistance.

Unfortunately, I think this resistance is what makes *some* naturals get high and mighty. The naturals might think a person like anonymous is being willfully ignorant. I’m not defending their actions, but naturals take another note – PEOPLE DO NOT LIKE BEING TOLD WHAT TO DO.

I do not see how these responses are somehow evidence of this “snobbery.” Especially since the OP did nothing but decide she was going to ridicule or knock down naturals, even going so far as to throw up air quotes around natural and question our religious understandings.

I wish this issue wasn’t so divisive. Ladies, let’s start giving each other the benefit of a doubt. If we don’t start with the position that our own sisters want to take us down a peg, then that’s a huge step. If you don’t believe it, fake it til you make it.

Cheryl said...

I think "miss anonymous" really wants to be natural, but for some reason or another, has not stayed that way; hence her commnent on going natural several times before, but is not currently natural. Girlfriend loves our "swaggah". I ain't mad and I understand because we got it going on. Don't get mad at us because you have not yet accomplished what you really want. It's like a fat girl visiting a site for skinny woman and getting mad because the woman are skinny....dah. She needs to except it for what it is, because it is what it is. Use it as inspiration not degradation.

Anonymous said...

I think some women in general hold an arrogance and certain boldness about themselves, whether they are natural, relaxed, bald, or whatever. Just because you are uncomfortable with how you think someone feels about themselves really has nothing to do with that person directly but everything to do with how you feel about self. NO one can make you feel anything unless you allow them to. It takes a certain level of boldness to be natural simply because society makes it so. Light skinned long hair started it all because we as black people thought that was the best thing to be. But even being light skinned with long hair does not make you beautiful, it's what's on the inside that you allow to radiate on the outside that makes you who you are. Just as Lane Bryant targets plus sized women natural hair care sites target those with natural hair. And I have to agree with JustTrena I've alway taught my kids don't dumb down to fit in because at the end of the day you have to live with you and go to bed at night with peace in your heart.
Courtney

Pi*Jay said...

@Kimmie- I totally second that... took the words right out of my mouth. Furthermore, arrogance and clique development can be found in any and every type of people. That same argument can be made about people with straight hair. I, personally, have encountered way more straight haired snobs than natural ones... AND? SO WHAT? Thats who they are. I'm not gonna approach them and tell them they need to be more accepting. I'm going to do me and let them do them. Miss texlax needs to suck it up and do the same. One group of people doesnt define the entire population. That's just petty. The site as whole and Nikki herself should not be defined by particular peoples attitudes.

Shantel said...

While I understand why Anonymous posted her feelings, I do feel as though she may have misinterpreted some of the comments posted on this website. I do not feel that someone who chooses to be natural and then sings about it from the rooftop is necessarily looking down on women who choose to relax. I do not understand why it has to be one extreme or the other. I have been natural for over 3 years and I love it. I have also been following Curly Nikki's website from the very first post and not once have I come across a post that bashes or looks down on relaxed women. Reaffirming one's pride in being natural does not equate hating or bashing women who choose to relax. I loved my hair when it was relaxed, it was very long and healthy. I also love my hair natural because I think it has allowed me to let my hair do its thing, it has served as an inspiration for many friends who wanted to go natural but who had no idea how to go about accomplishing this goal and it has allowed me to reflect on what I put in and on my body with regard to chemicals and the bad ingredients in hair/body/beauty products. My hair is just as it was when I was born and to me that is God given. I love healthy hair whether it is relaxed or natural. The one confession I will make is that I tend to be a "healthy hair" hair snob and I tend to judge people who know/acknowledge that they are damaging their hair (be it through relaxing, flat ironing, not deep conditioning enough, not moisturizing) and continue to do so. But I am def not a "natural hair" hair snob and neither is Curly Nikki.

In response to Anonymous' comment: "However how many of these same women who comment that they want to rock natural curls due to God also wear makeup, nail polish, deodorant and other factors that are not 1) natural or 2) or by any means God made/given? How many of any of these women are living a truly 'natural' lifestyle by any means? It's irrelevant because my point is not to call anyone out; it's just to point out how ridiculous we're allowing something as simple and minute as hair to suddenly dictate our lives, views, opinions and apparently friendships in some cases. I feel that this is really just another way for us women to bash one another and yet again really put on a front of 'I'm better than you because...'"

I do not let something as petty as hair dictate my life, views or friendships. My mother (who has been natural her entire life) constantly (and I mean CONSTANTLY) told me that "its just hair". I feel that other people tend to project their own views on what they think natural women are like as soon as they decide to stop relaxing. In fact, most people who have known me my entire life couldnt even tell when I decided to stop relaxing because I didnt declare a bold statement about it changing my life (because it didnt) and it didnt change who I was as a person, my viewpoint nor how a treated others.

So anonymous, with the utmost respect, I ask that you think about the atmosphere of this website before you make such a bold statement of hair snobbery existing. It seems as though you are the one trying to project your feelings of Hair Snobbery that you may have encountered from other websites onto this community.

SweetThang said...

I am not understanding how Anonymous feels that there are natural snobs on this blog. I have been coming to this blog for the past several months and I like the atmosphere of this blog and I never noticed any natural snobs or anyone forcing anyone to become natural. I wish Anonymous would have quoted some exact quotes from where the snobbery took place. If Anonymous feels that there is natural snobbery going on here at CurlyNikki, she better not ever go to Nappturality because they will rip you to shreds if you have chemically processed hair at that website.

Anonymous said...

I am saying this as respectfully as possible.......Why don't you just start a texlaxed board?

presh said...

I see everyones point.
1) with all the smog and pollution in the air and chemicals in the ground, it is hard to claim anything as "natural or organic". Even our hair
2)I always was taught that hurt people hurt other people. Some of us naturals (and yes I am natural) have been hurt by the long time standing opinion that natural hair is not beautiful. Now that it is embraced some use that as a way to down grade others that are not. And I have seen those that strive to make natural hair a point of self-esteem, and those that use it to put down others. YOU DO WHAT WORKS FOR YOU!
3)This site does cater to natural curly hair. If I want to learn about that, I come here, if I don't I look up another site. If I want to learn about chess I find a site that caters to that.
4) This is all so small and doesn't matter. I am a natural with long hair and I love my sister with chemically permed hair that is longer than mine and healthy.

Cupcake415 said...

The thing is:

Yes, everyone is entitled to their own opinion...
I see people saying "I see what Tex-lax is trying to say"... Then I see everyone agreeing with the curlynikki site...

Have your opinion, we are NOT sayin NOT to, but DO NOT come to a NATURAL HAIR SITE, complaining about it... What was the whole point of that? Honestly?

Like many people have said:
Don't go to subway and try to order Soul Food
or...
A Vegan resturant asking for Ribs
or.....
Panda Express asking for Enchiladas...

I don't see people going to "Tex-lax" sites saying:
"You're going to hell because you are NOT wearing your GOD Given hair"...

Don't complain just because you cant relate...

She made it seem as if, she came to this site and we kicked her out because her hair is NOT in a natural state...

She brought this upon herself to complain, while all this time we are minding our own business...

Lori Mc said...

I am in total disagreement with "anonymous texlaxer." Moreover, I found my self a bit enraged with her words-
“it’s the insistence that being natural is your ‘God given anything.’”
God is my creator; therefore, He is the one that gave me the hair and the head from which it grows. The idea that God gives me any thing and every thing that I have and that I am is a basic CHRISTIAN concept. And they should have taught you “in school” that from dust God created man, of which I, wo-man, am derived. He has given me EVERYTHING, not just free will. We were made in His image, and He is every thing. I am because of God. I am not natural because of God.
I have yet to encounter anyone on CN that says that they are natural because of God. We thank God, we exclaim that He made us this way, but He is not the reason that we call ourselves natural. There are, undoubtedly, some atheists on CN. So “anonymous texlaxer,” how would you classify them?
Our hair is not chemically straightened; that is what makes us natural. And many naturals, ones who are purists, do not dye their hair with man-made dyes. They use natural products, which are of God like henna, honey, indigo, black walnuts, the list goes on...Many naturals are vegans, vegetarians, and are as green as the grass. Yes, we wear deodorant it is a societal norm. Yes, some wear make-up, but not everyone who wears make-up covers their flaws, many, like myself us it to enhance our features.

Anonymous said...

I never ever comment on blogs, but i just HAD to reply to this. I feel like society has kept us black women separated because of our hair, skin color, etc for centuries.

This is the first time I have ever seen so much love amongst black women and it is because we have finally "gotten over it" and are able to embrace our natural hair!!

I too have tried going natural many, many times. But because of the lack of resources and feeling like I was the "only one" or hearing other black men, women, even family members criticize me, I went back to the creamy crack, even texturizing, which I always felt was a "front" because I never felt comfortable because it just wasnt my natural hair!

I cannot explain how liberating it feels to be able to rock my natural hair and not have to worry about others seeing my roots growing in or running off to get a touch up!!

And every day I thank God for sites like this one where I can go when I'm feeling a little down because of some ignorant comment or whatever, and just once again feel uplifted.

I will be honest, the negative comments no longer get to me, because like many of us on here, we have transitioned or been at a place where we have finally learned and accepted the "nappy" hair that we always felt doomed us.

Nikki, please please please do not stop catering to our natural heads. It is because of you and all of the beautiful naturalistas you showcase that I can finally embrace nmy true self.

Lori Mc also said...

Personally, I prescribe to an overall healthful, natural lifestyle. I do not believe in pill-popping, traditional chemical-based medicine. I practice and subscribe to alternative medicine: drugless, surgery-free healthcare. I do not use man-made chemicals to color my hair anymore, not to say that I never did, but now that I know better, I do better. I do not eat foods that are chemically processed, I eat things that are of the earth, in their most natural form. So, am I not natural enough for you to classify myself as natural? What the hay!?!
You belong in quotations unlike the naturals, the curlies, the transitioning and the curious permies out there that use this site as a positive, nourishing place for information, ideas and advice, because you are the “so-called.” “So-called” supporter of CN that comes on and bashes those that subscribe to this site. I feel for you, because, either at some juncture, you were clearly bashed or de-friended by someone that is natural. And I apologize for that. Or, you are angry with God. But either way, that does not give you the right to take out your disdain on us. This is a site that caters to curlies and non-chemically straightened naturals, as well as those who are thinking about going natural and those who just want healthier hair. If, for some reason you feel like you do not fit into one of those categories, that is your problem, not ours.
If that makes me a snob, so be it. There have been countless occasions where I have been the only natural in a room and the permies around me tried to make me feel inferior. Notice that I said tried. The only person that can make you feel un-welcomed any where is you. You control your feeling and your emotions. You, yourself are the one that is feeling inferior. We did not do that to you, we do not have the authority. Give me a break.
If you have esteem issues, that’s what CN is here for, especially on “Self -Concept Thursdays.” Stop feeling inferior, embrace WHO YOU ARE, and love yourself. And yes, I take pride in being NATURAL and everything that I do, just so happens to be in the name of God, to Him goes all the glory. That is my conviction.

Anonymous said...

I respect her opinion and I wonder if she is as vocal with relaxed or texlaxed snobs...

Anonymous said...

What a joke. This person clearly has some internal issues. Nikki, she needs your couch - seriously. One thing about CurlyNikki.com is that it is very inviting. I have NEVER see anything written putting down relaxed or tex-laxed hair choices. This is absurd and a FLAT OUT LIE. If she cannot handle the sense of community and sisterhood displayed here then just like the site is called CurlyNikki she can start her own AnonymousTexLaxHair.com or whatever God gives her the free will choice to call it. Give me a break. People need to get a grip and keep it moving.

There are tips she can pick up here to utilize in her haircare. Stop focusing on what you feel you aren't getting and what you can get. I regularly read the hair blog, Anti-Hair Slave. The tips are very similar even though the focus is not natural hair.

Also, I guess I'm not really natural because I 1)wear deodorant, 2)wear makeup, 3)color my hair, and 4)polish my fingers/toes. That is hilarious to me but you are welcomed here. It's your free will to get what you get and do as you please with the information shared. Make the best of it.

Anonymous said...

I'm not going to write a long post bit I do want to comment. Wow, she really over analyzed the word "natural." The word is used loosely and means different things to different people;as does other words with different connotations. But anyway, I understood the message she was trying to send; however, this is a blog FOR NATURALLY CURLY! It makes no sense to bash when you're still texlaxed. I don't think Nikki ever pointed out that the purpose of her blog was for texlaxed/permed and curly hair. There are great tips on here that can be used by everyone for achieving healthy hair. If you are being unfulfilled in any way, I'm pretty sure there are other sites,blogs, and books where the main purpose is getting healthy hair for all types. If that's still not good enough then do the research yourself and start your own because there may be more people that share your point of view.

Anonymous said...

You guys got it covered I see... Funny, thing is, the ignorant statement about 'wearing make-up disqualifies you from being natural' is not the first time I've heard this! My ignorant, permed co-worker said the SAME thing to me about two weeks ago! And yet she just sparked up a conversation about her hair falling out.... SMH

Anonymous said...

I respect the second and third paragraphs of Anonymous' statement. The first and second to last paragraph of Anonymous' statement make no sense. If I start a blog, I can write about whatever I want, whatever pertains to me, whatever I like, whatever I'm thinking about. It does not have to include you. That's why Nikki's name is in Nikki's blog. And when people they they are natural and post pictures and whatnot, I think it's understood that the focus is on hair. I don't see anything exclusion or discrimination going on on this site, and I think it's wrong to try to chastise someone for not catering to you when it's been established that this site is about natural hair journeys. It doesn't make it better to say that Nikki's site is not the only one that you feel injures you in this way. If you would like a blog about texlaxed hair or growing hair long, there are SO many of those. Or you could always start your own. Like I said, the second and third paragraphs, I can agree with those.

Anonymous said...

This article is completely true. I am currently transitioning from permed to natural for various reasons. I loved my hair permed and it was always healthy but i just simply got bored. While doing research on this website and others, I have realized that there are numerous articles with under toning negative comments towards women with permed hair. I just simply choose to ignore these posts. I dont think curly nikki herself ever does this but many "Tales from a current Transitioner" articles do. We just need to be proud of being natural while respecting other peoples choices.

Miss Fizzy said...

I had someone come at me with the "natural" thing before... i.e. what is the true definition. I tried to no avail to make it clear to her that when I use the word natural, I am only referring to my hair. She also pointed out the fact that one can't wear makeup and be natural. Makeup, nail polish etc... all that stuff washes off! Relaxers don't.

Anonymous said...

" I dont think curly nikki herself ever does this but many "Tales from a current Transitioner" articles do."

Can you provide examples please?

Anonymous said...

I think what most who have responded to this blog have failed to realize that you just proved the author right. Her point in essence was, so what its just hair. Also I am probably one of the few who totally agrees with her and I am 100% natural, and have been for years. Her response was specific to an earlier blog where the author Kat explained that she can't seem to find a way to communicate with her co-worker any longer because the co-worker "mistakenly" permed her hair. I have seen blogs that talk about not having sex with their significant other because the activity would frizz the oils in the hair and or remove the silk scarf that is protecting the style...etc.... Live life! Do you! And by the way ignoring or refusing not to conversate with someone because THEY decided to perm their hair is my dear friends SNOBBERY!

Anonymous said...

Wow, what a great article, it expresses my sentiments exactly. I have posted a few comments on CurlyNikki that have appeared and then removed because they were slightly critical of this "natural hair is the be-all, end-all" attitude. I can only assume it is curly nikki herself doing the censoring in support of keeping things positive. It is her site after all.

To end on a positive note (and to increase the chance of this comment appearing) I have learned a few things here and I think the world of Ms. Nikki herself. She is a good representative of intelligence, industrious and kindliness.

prettypoodle4 said...

Clearly there are few, if any people who are 100% natural. There is a big difference in using chemicals (conditioners, oils, shampoos, etc) to ENHANCE your natural, god-given texture and employing chemicals to alter/change that which grows out of your head naturally (relaxers, texturizers). If you want healthy hair, chemically straightening that which is not naturally so, is probably not a good foundation. With that said it is one's perogative to do that and/or find a blog that speaks to one's current experience. Its like joining a church when you don't agree with the message or philosophy. You always have the option to leave if the message doesn't coincide with what you believe. Natural hair vs Relaxed/Texturized hair will continue to be a debate--PERIOD. We just have to choose how much we want to argue the point.

Beverly said...

I am not a religious person but I do not take offense to people saying things are God Given. God can mean different things to everyone so whats the big hulabaloo about?? No one is saying that the only reason they went natural is because of God. Most of you have summed up my thoughts already especially Immediate. However I wanted to add a lil something.

How is it snobbery to talk about natural hair on a natural hair site? No one is claiming here to lead an ALL natural lifestyle. Really we are talking about our hair and if we are going into the semantics of chemicals then every compound including the carbon dioxide you breathe out is a chemical. Having natural hair is about not chemically altering the texture of your hair. I can't bash women who perm their hair especially because I used to for over 12 years. I had long healthy hair but I wanted a change. I do not think applying makeup or nail polish takes away from you being natural because you are not chemically altering a part of your body. I've never seen relaxed women getting "condemned" on this site. Not in the features and not in the comments. Just adding a lil fun to it. Miss Fizzy said it all Relaxers don't wash out!

CupOf*T said...

1. First of all this is a site about curly hair, like a person stated above, why would I go to Lane Bryant and get upset because they don't carry a size 2- that's not the audience that the store caters to (can I get an Amen).
2. Just like relaxed women are tired of the so called snobbery of natural women, I as a natural woman am tired of being stereotyped as a "Natural Nazi", "Natural Snobb", or that I want everyone else to go natural. I have heard this so much from women that don't even know me, its like they just get mad when I walk out the door. If you actually sometimes talk to a woman with natural hair, you would know that most times she could care less about what you do with your hair. Its your journey not hers.
3. I am not bashing any woman for how she wears her hair, but I hear a lot of women saying things like, "Its just hair" or "it does not really matter" - well my thing is if it really did not matter in our society, why are we devoting entire websites to the subject, why are relaxed women getting so upset when they see a woman with natural hair if "its just hair, no biggie". I'm just sayin
4. I have been reading this website for a lonnnnnggg time and have never heard CurlyNikki promote hatred for women with relaxed hair. If anything she has promoted love for women of all nationalities that have Curly hair, ie the name of the website - CURLYNIKKI.
5. If you do not like this website, then guess what, don't read it, I hate fox news, so I don't watch it- just a suggestion!

Anonymous said...

To poster who says that naturals/women are making their hair our end all, say all: that has happening WAAAAAAY before Nikki was Curly or even Nikki. Have you ever seen a grown woman not have sex or sleep SITTING UP becuase she doesn't wanna mess up her new hairstyle? Remember that scene from "Don't Be a Menace..." It is infuriating to hear grown women talk like this.

This is really about a lot of sisters who feel personally attacked because natural blogs and their visitors have deemed chemically straightening hair as a bad thing (not only for themselves, but for future young girls and current permed ladies)?

Are you listening to yourselves?

When I hear women make comments about "creamy crack" and "brainwashing," I hear them fighting against the institution of "relaxing."

I don't dare make it personal.

-monique

Anonymous said...

I have to say that going natural for some people is a spiritual/Godly thing. For some, not all. On the same token, some of those women are completely natural deodorants etc, some are not. With that being said I have found this site to focus on natural hair but also healthy hair primarily. Everyone is allowed their opinion and should go to sites that "speak" directly to whatever it is that they are trying to do in life. If you are doing what it is that you are inclined to do, it should not matter what others think or say because we are each unique. Turn a negative into a positive and reach out to the group that you feel is being neglected in some manner- empower yourself and start your own blog for texlaxers if you see the need is not being addressed.
Stay positive!

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry I'm not rude like this but she needs to get a life! Seriously? You're getting upset over the fact that people don't emphasize telaxed hair? Come on now! This is a natural hair website and I don't recall anyone here bashing anyone for relaxing or that subject in general. She's right about the free will thing but the rest of that email was just plain dumb. She needs to go on another website like LHCF or something. She's upset over nothing. I could see if their was just posts bashing relaxed/telaxed hair but there isn't. I don't care if your hair is relaxed or not because its your choice but don't make others feel bad because their not embracing you. Embrace your damn self! geesh!

Anonymous said...

OMG, one commenter actually said she wanted to "shank" the writer. How "natural" is it to use five or six products at the same time? So what it they are not burning your scalp, they are surely changing your texture. I admint that I snicker sometimes at the use of "curly" to describe hair that is clearly not. This is only false pride that women who are insecure and self-hating are using to feel better about themselves.

I am way more natural than any of you. I use no chemicals (color does change the chemical structure of your hair), no heat (blow dryer, hood dryer, curling or flat irons), no shampoo, no oils, no curlers or rollers (if your hair is so curly, why?).

I don't pay $22 for 10 ozs of product,or purchase products online that I can get at the local market, nor do I drive all around to 10 different places to pick up different oils and butters to spend half a day to make my own product. This is not natural.

There is definitely a snobbiness regarding henna. If you don't buy Jamila, with a date stamp on it, from a high-priced internet site then you are using inferior product (product bought locally for 1/3 the price "doesn't wash out as easily", "is not sifted", "it doesn't have very strong stain", yada, yada.

I have commented on the forums and have received rude remarks, often in caps, often by a designated moderator. I don't bother anymore. Just reading these comments above shows how mean and bitter members here are.

But, still I come, so I must be a glutton for punishment. lol

Ms. Cee C said...

First off, CurlyNikki is a wonderful site (which the reader did state). This is the first site I found when I decided to go natural and it has supported many current naturals on their journey with vast knowledge, experiences from other naturals, and so much more. I am an avid reader of Curly Nikki and I have never felt that the site condemned or put down women who are not natural. She also felt the site supported only curly textured women. However, the site is called CurlyNikki and it is a natural hair site. If she would like support for relaxed hair there are sites that cater to this. She should check out Hairlicious. (I used to be a reader of this site and its pretty good.) Or she could provide a site for support for relaxed/texlaxed hair.

Secondly, I am one of those naturals who give thanks to God for being natural. It takes a lot to look at yourself and accept the glory/beauty/uniqueness that God blessed each of us with. I choose not to conform the hair that He has given me and I am grateful that I came to this understanding. I do not only embrace curly hair. I embrace natural hair for all races. Straight hair, wavy hair, curly hair, kinky hair. Its all beautiful to me because the Lord blessed each of us with a uniqueness. Yes, I do wear makeup, nail polish, and even deodorant (lol). However, I consider these things part of my upkeep. Makeup/nail polish are not permanent. I can easily take this off. Also, I don't wear it everyday. I am just as confident to walk out the house without these things. As for deodorant, that is part of maintaining our cleanliness. That's like saying why do you wear lotion, use soap, oil your skin/hair, etc? Therefore, I do agree with the term natural. It is a simple explanation for our hair.

As for her being natural several times before. Good for her.

Maybe some would consider my thought pattern on natural hair sadity. Simply because I prefer natural hair over conformed hair. However, I can just as easily say they are being sadity/snobbish because they prefer relaxed/conformed hair over natural hair. Also, I don't think the natural community is snobbish. It is a wonderful and beautiful thing that we are finally beginning to accept our natural beauty and glory. I don't equate confidence with snobbery.

Anonymous said...

lol...

"I am way more natural than any of you."

Who says that? Natural does not refer to the products one uses. It refers to the texture of your hair. It is these women's natural texture.

For example, when Rihanna goes back to a brown hair color, that will be her "natural" hair color.

IT DOES NOT MEAN "OF THE EARTH" like some people would want to make it. Round peg, square hole.


Furthermore, snobbery over products, designer clothes, cars, homes have existed before Curly Nikki was ever established. Does not excuse some women's behaviors. But it seems like you're pulling at straws now. Funny that you only noticed this behavior when people are straying from the status quo.

-*signed* monique

Anonymous said...

It's sad that so many of these comments prove her right.

Anonymous said...

monique - must you shout?

Claudia said...

I don't think that many of these comments are proving her right. Unfortunately for us natural haired women, we do not have the open arms of society embracing the fact that we decided to go natural (or at least those who had to transition). In all honesty it seems as though they accept women who chemically alter there hair more compared to the natural hair; we (naturals) only have the community in which we create, via YouTube & blogs to help keep one another motivated. I have not once read an article that Curly Nikki posted that made it seem as if we are better than anyone, but I have read blogs where she is constantly putting out blogs that allows us to see the positive in being natural, staying natural, and loving our natural hair... because if CN, as well as Sunshine and any other natural bloggers, did not do so many of us would have given up and possible thrown a perm on our hair. Miss Anonymous doesn't have to read these blog posts if she feels so uncomfortable or bashed, or whatever else, because the headline of this site clearly states NATURAL HAIR STYLES AND CURLY HAIR CARE.

Toni said...

SHE IS RIGHT! This issue has bothered me for quite some time now. I'm newly natural and when i was transitioning and in search of information on natural hair blogs/forum/websites such as this one I witnessed such SNOBBERY!People rating themselves on the number of people they have -i quote 'Converted' to natural REALLY!? Most naturals take this tooo seriously and almost like a religion. Its this attitude that sometimes makes me want to hide my hair for the fear that people would associate me with such behaviour.

Another form of snobbery that i have witnessed on the CN forums is people not respecting others opinion if it clashes with the general 'natural hair' opinions, and rather than talking it out rationally they say the person is probably relaxed and I QUOTE 'trying to convert them' back to the creamy crack. Its sad really, it really is.

But i love my hair, I did not feel any kind of way when I did my BC, my whole world did not change, everything went on as usual. Its only in a congregation with predominantly black women that wearing YOUR hair becomes a 'Movement' or a 'journery to self discovery' . We always have to make a big deal out of everything. I just think its very very sad!

That being said I love this website, I got me through my transition and I'm here almost everyday in search of new and extremely usefull information that i always get. Thank you CN for such a platform, and i apologize on behalf of the snobs on here for making some people feel left out

Anonymous said...

Everyone's pretty much said everything that can be said about this issue at this point, but I did want to make a comment about a recurring statement I saw in the comments regarding "natural hair not being for everyone." I can't help but say I find this idea really confusing. Exactly what about wearing your hair as it grows out of your head isn't for everyone? Black women only started relaxing their hair for the past few decades. We've been around wearing our hair natural for MILLENIA before that. So how is wearing your hair natural now "not for everyone?" That's like someone saying that she keeps her hair brunette because she doesn't like her look as a blong, but having your hair undyed "isn't for everyone." Or not bleaching your skin "isn't for everyone."

How can looking the way you look not be for someone?

Anonymous said...

Frankly, I believe in 'to each his own'. My dear, (to the anonymous writer) in my opinion what we have naturally IS GOD GIVEN. Because we didn't slide out of my mother's wombs with relaxers in our heads. I don't care who relaxes, texlaxes, naturalaxes, it's all your own business. I am for one, not a natural hair snob. Not to mention as she said, those of us who are not truly natural because of the products or make-up we wear? Well FYI I use all natural products, not just hair products, my deoderant, soap, make-up, lotions, whatever is all natural and paraben free. My NATURAL hair is only one part of me. I also recycle, and my home products are organic as well. I don't use nail polish anymore either, although I do wear a little light eye make-up. I don't bash sistas who choose to relax or heat style, or whatever. But I agree with what most people said above. IT's a CURLY website. You can't get offended by the obvious.

Espy said...

It sounds to me that the person who wrote the article has self esteem issues. People who have issues within themselves often will quickly find things they believe are wrong with others. I have watched hundreds of youtube videos and follow several blogs and have never felt that way. CurlyNikki is by far the best blog I have been to. I think there is nothing wrong with having a website that promotes natural or curly hair. There are tons of books, websites, and magazines to tailor to people who are relaxed.

questfortheperfectcurl said...

What I want to know is, why is she so concerned with everyone else's perception of natural? Furthermore, why does she think we should care about what her perception of natural is? Everyone's journey is different, and if she does not like what someone is saying or how they feel about their natural hair, frankly, tough cookies. I personally have colored my hair, and I still consider my TEXTURE natural (and if you'd like to dispute that peep my new growth lol), but if someone asks I will happily say that I've colored my hair - I love it and am not ashamed of what I've done. A few people have tried to come at me in a negative way, and I tell them to keep it right on going, because to me natural refers to the texture of that hair, not the color. But, if that's how they feel that's cool. Not all women with natural hair make this huge declaration about God when they go natural - I know because I'm not one of them, and for her to make generalizations and assumptions about natural haired women as a whole is ridiculous.

Why does a site about natural hair need to include info on texlaxed hair? That's not the topic of site...my goodness. Once I had a friend ask me why I didn't post product reviews on products geared towards relaxed hair, and I really looked at her like she was crazy... Not to be mean, but learning how to care for relaxed hair is not going to help me in any way, shape, or form, and I'm just not interested. I have seen forums and sites dedicated to women with relaxers/texlaxers...so it's not like she's alone. That just didn't make any sense to me. She needs a simmer.

He's Faithful said...

CurlyNikki -
Don't change, don't change, don't change. You have made great efforts to not only embrace various textures of natural hair and transitioners, but women of various ethnicities who also have similarly textured hair to ours. Many kudos to you, your contributors and readers who have made this site a stand-out amongst natural hair blogs and forums.

While some may take the point of view of the author, I feel her comments are laced with a great deal of projection. Perhaps a bit more self-reflection is in order before pointing the finger at this and other natural hair blogs.

Nikki said...

Okay, let me break down some of the comments that gave me pause:

"...Here is my concern about being PRO curly"
We live in a world that's anti curly/kinky. To re-iterate what's been said, the site's called CURLY NIKKI. That's like being concerned that there's no White Vogue.

"why does God even have to be a topic when it comes to hair?"
Because this is how it grows on our heads. And He made it so.

"it's just to point out how ridiculous we're allowing something as simple and minute as hair to suddenly dictate our lives..."

Hair will NEVER BE A 'MINUTE' ISSUE in the black community. The issue with 'hair snobbery' and the near two hundred responses to the post prove this.

"I have been natural several times..."
Would LOVE to know the specifics of this natural experience.

"I'm not relaxed, I'm texlaxed, to you it's probably no difference...."
Because there is none. Using the same chemical for a shortened duration or lengthening the time between chemical treatments doesn't make them different. It's just the hair industry's way of promoting chemically modified hair in different packaging.


"...but so are those heads who have applied colored."

Don't we all love those 'BUT' arguments. Really? Defending a texlaxer by saying 'but the women who dye their hair have chemically altered hair too'...really? Altered colour not texture, that's watermelons and kumquats, honey.

"Why does having HEALTHY hair also have to be a battle of the 'naturals' vs 'the others'?"

Because that's the world in which we live. Friction because of hair texture in the black community is not new. Didn't you watch that Spike Lee joint? Roots? A history book? Child you need to start from SCRATCH.

And this is where she REALLY lost me:

"Please note I will continue to use the word 'natural' in quotes when referring to hair because unless you are living a 100% Natural life there really is no need to pride being 'natural', especially not in the name of God. That's my opinion."

And you're entitled to your opinion. My opinion, and that of the majority of the ladies here, is that you need to wheel and come again.

If you're not leading a 100% natural life, there's no pride to being 'natural'? Are you for real? Damn, I need to check my organic apples for pesticides. And I suppose I'll have to put 'texlaxed' in quotes too because hey, the tone of your correspondence doesn't seem that relaxed to me. And yes, that was sarcasm.

Educate thyself child, educate thyself and then come again - your argument is so weak that it boggles my mind. Should I have had a similar opinion, I, too, would be anonymous.

Anonymous said...

Here's a novel idea.....create your OWN blog. You have CHEMICAL in your hair BOO!!! Don't be upset because you haven't been able to embrace what has been a freeing expression for us natural women.

Anonymous said...

one suggestion for everyone: SHUT IT UP!!!! :-)

Anonymous said...

Dee said......
Curly Nikki,Your response is on was well said !!!!! Thank you for all that you do. I love this site. Hell I am totally addicted. From one curly to another curly.........good night!!!!!

Espy said...

Nikki I am glad you decided to share your opinion about the subject. I think your blog is AWESOME and I am glad you stood up for it. Now lets get back to our regular scheduled program on the Couch with Curly Nikki.

Lori said...

I've been away from this site and forums over the summer, but I seem to remember a little dust up on the forums with a new member (or troll maybe?) trying to yank our collective chain with comments about using relaxers and other off-topic discussion for a natural/curly/kinky forum and blog.

I have a feeling that's what is going on here as well. Someone or some people are probably sitting back chuckling at those of us who are regular participating members because we're upset and flustered and on the defensive because of that email.

It was just a little thought before, but after reading some of the most recent comments with someone accusing the forum moderators of deleting posts because they were anti-natural, I wonder if I'm right. Has that really happened? Any moderators from the forum willing to address it? I don't believe it, but I can't prove that it's not true.

I don't know. Something doesn't feel right about all of this. It's like someone (or again, some people) are trying to ruffle our feathers for the heck of it. Seriously, why would someone who is not wearing their hair curly or natural or kinky or whatever you want to call it, coming here and arguing about snobbery? And then we come back trying to defend Nikki first of all, the site second, and ourselves last, to someone who we don't know at all. I could see if someone was regularly posting in the forums or on here and identifying themselves so we could at least know, okay, this person participates and someone is being mean to her or rude or condescending or whatever. But there's been no proof shown of any of that.

I, for one am sorry Nikki even posted that email because now I feel like it was a set up or something. It just doesn't make sense that anyone would honestly feel that way about a site that is self-described as for all natural, curly, kinky hair. Look on the tab that says "Be on CN" and read what Nikki herself says about posting pictures/stories of people who are just relaxed and not transitioning. She doesn't do it because that's not the focus of this blog.

Ugh. I think we've been had. Let's jump into the forums and some of the other articles that are POSITIVE :~} and boost our morale again. I know I need it after re-reading this all over again. LOL

Lori said...

Quote from Nikki on the "Be On CN" page: "**I don't post nakey pics, lol, or pics of ladies with texturized or relaxed hair that aren't planning on transitioning. All healthy hair is gorgeous, but this site is purely for the naturally glam divas!"

That was the first, last and only response necessary to the original email...or it should have been.

Anonymous said...

Dear Lori, I'm the anonymous who wrote about my post being deleted. I don't like being called a troll or a liar but whatever - do you. I won't be calling names, it's rude and not my thing.

I've been natural since 2000 when all my hair fell out due to health problems. I have been a member since May 2010. Does this qualify me to state my opinion? I hope so.

Why do you and your buddies want to know my name so badly? What does it matter? After reading all the nastiness from you and your like-minded gang I'm going to keep it that way.

I think you equate "positive"-ness with group think. I know I'm in the minority here but I'm entitled to speak my mind, especially without being threatened or told to leave, or told to "fall back" or told to just plain ol' shut up. I will never make it personal and I won't get upset if others disagree with my opinion. After all - it's just hair.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous (Dee) and Espy: The "Nikki" you responded to is NOT Curly Nikki. I think she has too much class to speak so unkindly.

Lori said...

To Anonymous Original Poster: Well, unless you are the member who began all the threads about using relaxers in the forum (like every other thread), then I wasn't referring to you as a troll. Are you admitting that was you? If not, no offense should be taken.

I can't speak for the others, but I want to know if you are a contributing member because otherwise I really don't think your opinion has much weight and I repeat that it would only serve to divide this forum, which, for the most part, gets along very well, until someone such as yourself comes in complaining about natural women at a natural site talking about being natural and all that it entails, which is asinine at the very least.

Of course you can visit and speak up at this or any other forum on the internet. I certainly can't make you leave. I think many of us are still wondering what you find here that is so useful if we're all ignorant about natural hair as you suggested in your email. And if, "after all - it's just hair", what were you complaining about in the first place? If it's "just hair", why do you care how other women refer to their locks? How does that even affect you? I really want to know.

Peace out. :~}

Anonymous said...

It's me again - I am not the anonymous who wrote the original post/email that sparked this thread. I am the anonymous who said that my comment had been deleted - two different people. You need to calm down. It's only hair.

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