Curly Nikki | Natural Hair Styles and Curly Hair Care

Going from relaxed to natural hair can be an exciting, liberating experience, and there are two basic ways to get there. The fastest, no nonsense way to go natural is by simply cutting off all the relaxed hair in one fell swoop, or big chopping. But big chopping can require a strength that not everyone is equipped with at the outset of a hair care journey. For some, deliberate transitioning complete with mini chops is a necessary part of the “back to natural” process. And, if we really look at it, everyone who makes the journey must transition. Whether you big chop on day one of your thought, or a year after the initial thought, transitioning always starts with the mind well before any actionable steps are taken. In some circles, however, transitioning— especially long term transitioning, is seen as a sign of weakness. I argue, quite the contrary!

Those of us who’ve crossed that river will tell you that going natural is not just a physical exercise— it is a mental one as well. If the mental is not aligned with the physical, the physical will soon realign with the mental— and you’ll be back at square one. We must always remain sensitive to the process for new naturals, and respect that the time required for the transition will always vary from person to person. The transition may be 1 day or 100 days— and yes, there may even be a few relaxers applied in the process before the transition is completed and sticks. Yes, I said it! I transitioned to natural hair approximately 32,423,947 times in five years (okay, I’m exaggerating lol) only to throw in the towel each time before it finally stuck. Transitioning requires a mental alignment with the physical to hold, and I was only able to achieve this alignment by falling many, many times and getting back up again. (Donnie McClurkin would be proud, haha) “Weaning” may very well be the start of the transitioning process for some. It certainly was for me. All of these experiences were important to the process for me.

Transitioning gives the mind the necessary time to adapt and accept the coming changes. Think of transitioning like pregnancy. (Maybe this is not the best comparison— but work with me here!) The nine months of pregnancy give the mom-to-be a chance to get comfy with the idea of becoming a mother. The time gives mothers a chance to decide on names for the kid, how they’ll raise the child and how they’ll share their worldview with this new little person. The mom learns how to sacrifice some of her own comforts and some of her old ways of doing things for the benefit of another person. Some months are better than others, and she might have to field the occasional well-intentioned but “off” comment, but she learns about herself and her body. Just imagine if pregnancy were an overnight process and moms just woke up with a baby in their arms! Some would take right off and be just fine, others would certainly struggle with the new challenge. Transitioning can level the playing field between the two groups so that most do well.

Many times, the mind will hold the hair captive in the transition. But no matter what, it’s still important to give the mind the time it really needs to complete the process. When transitioners complain about tangles and breakage and all of the other things that tend to accompany transitioning, it’s easy for some well-seasoned naturalistas to tell them (often in love, but occasionally in disgust) to simply— “Just cut it off.” Now, this advice at face value is usually quite valid because just cutting it off will solve most of the physical problems with tangles and breakage from trying to reconcile two incompatible hair states. But this answer can be insensitive to the process that some new naturals need to experience to ensure that they are able to mentally stay the course. When new naturalistas chop before they are ready, the chances of them staying the course may be affected. So transitioning is more than just hanging on to hopeless hair. It’s more than just straddling the fence in a sea of indecisiveness and cowardice. It’s not a sign of weakness—for some inbetweeners, it’s a smart, strategic decision that will solidify their resolve going forward. For some, it’s an honest recognition that I’m still working on my alignment— or that I’m really not quite ready for a drastic change . . . yet. We must always remember to embrace one another and teach one another in love. No two paths are the same or more valid than the other, nor must they strive to be.

When CurlyNikki kicked off her 31 Day of Natural Beauty giveaway in August, LaTosha Greene was still trying to figure out her transitioning routine. Little did she know that two months later, she would be flying to NYC to meet CurlyNikki herself, and then cutting her locks to kickstart her natural journey!

Excited about her big chop, Latosha sent over her photos, her curl story and some inspirational advice for all of those still too timid to take the plunge.

Her Curl Story

Before I made the decision to cut off my permed hair, I had been getting my hair relaxed since I was about 6 or 7 years old. I used products such as Bone Strait, TCB, Hawaiian Silky, Mizani and Optimum Care to straighten my hair. And don’t let me forget about those dreadful Sunday afternoons sitting in the kitchen waiting for my mother to straighten my hair with the hot comb.

About four years ago, I started relaxing my hair three times a year instead of doing it every month. I noticed that when the four to six week time period would pass, the time that I would usually get a touch-up, I would feel the roots of my hair and it was still straight. Constantly relaxing my hair eventually thinned it and just made it flat. Waiting longer to relax my hair would allow it more time to grow. December of 2010 was the last time I had relaxed my hair, and I started wearing tracks and getting my hair braided. I came to the decision this past summer that I was not going to relax my hair anymore.

On Winning 31 Days of Natural Beauty

Winning the 31 Days of Natural Beauty Contest and going to New York was my inspiration for making the big chop. I met some great people while I was there, and it was truly inspiring. I had already taken the first step by not relaxing my hair, but getting rid of the permed hair was the final step. I was a bit nervous at first, but I just told myself that it is only hair and it will grow back. When my hair grows back, it will be healthier and stronger.

My family, friends and co-workers absolutely love my natural hair and the way that it is styled, and I have to thank Melinda Bouldin of Dop Dop Hair Salon for that. I have gotten so much positive feedback and it feels great. Everyone thinks that the cut really compliments my face and it makes me even more attractive. This makes me feel so much better.

I actually feel free because I got rid of the dead weight, literally. I feel like I am doing a renewal of myself, and things are only going to get better. I feel more confident, and I can honestly tell you that true beauty doesn’t lie within your hair, it is in you and how you feel about yourself and how you show it off to the world.

Moving Past the Big Chop

Going forward, I know that I am never going back to the relaxers to straighten my hair. I want to continue my journey into the natural hair world and embrace it with open arms. I will continue to shampoo and condition my hair once a week, only using natural and sulfate-free products, and keep it moisturized. I will also massage my scalp once a day that always feels good after a long day. I will stay away from putting too much heat on my hair and will let it air dry. I will keep it twisted for now, but I can’t wait to try out new styles when it starts to grow out.

I just want to give my look more versatility, which will compliment my personality. I am getting excited just thinking about it! But, I also have to remember that it will be frustrating at times when I can’t get my hair to do what I want it to do, or times when I just don’t know what to do with it. I will just have to be patient and learn to love my natural hair for what it is.

Advice for Other Naturals

The only advice I have for other women considering the big chop is to just do it. It will be the best decision that you ever made. You just have to remember that it is only hair and, with the proper care, it will grow back healthier and more luxurious.

If you are still feeling reluctant, just talk to other women that have natural hair and get some advice. Even, ask what led them to the big chop. Just try to surround yourself with positive people and it will definitely help.

Final Thoughts

Everyone will not approve of your decision to go natural, but you can’t worry about those people. You are not here to please everyone. Our hair doesn’t control who we are, only we can control who we are. So stand up, be proud, love yourself and be comfortable in the skin that you’re in.

Hair Liberty's Nicole Hollis, our Resident Curl Chemist, is answering your most urgent hair questions. Got one for her? Email me at nikki@curlynikki.com using "Hair Liberty" in the subject line and she may answer your question right here on the blog.

Q: Should I really use grease on my hair?

A: Grease is usually a combination of petroleum (cleaned up sludge from the earth) and mineral oil (even cleaner, liquefied sludge from the earth). Petroleum-based products come from the same Earth that we pollute everyday with factory run off, pharmaceuticals, household chemicals, etc. Questions about the safety of mineral oil and petroleum in cosmetic products come from concern that they may not be clean enough after coming from such a dirty place. The petroleum and mineral oil used in medicinal creams (Neosporin, for example) gets cleaned much more thoroughly than the stuff used in hair products.

That being said, it’s important to remember that hair is dead – meaning it’s not connected to your blood supply after it emerges from the hair follicle. If you’re concerned about the safety of petroleum-based products, start by not using any on your lips. Most lip balms and glosses are petroleum-based and you end up swallowing the majority of what you put on. That’s much worse than putting petroleum on your (dead) hair.

You should use whatever works to keep your hair from breaking and help you achieve the styles you like. If grease makes your hair look and feel good, you should use it, but keep 2 things in mind:

1. Be careful about the grease you choose, especially if you have fine hair. It’s not just the ingredients that matter, it’s the recipe too. You’ll know the grease is too heavy if you have to work to create volume/fullness on your finished style. Anything that leads to more manipulation should be avoided. Fine hair also doesn’t do well when you put a lot of weight on the strand. If you notice your hair breaking even when you know it’s moisturized (e.g. within 24 hours of a fresh wash), it could be the extra weight from the grease.

2. You need to shampoo your hair once a week (more if you work out). The best long term routine includes washing with a gentle shampoo once a week. Momma did have some things right back in the day. The routine was shampoo, condition, water, grease, repeat. Grease attracts more dirt than other products and it can easily build up and clog the cuticle layer. Clogged cuticles prevent the hair from reaching its optimal moisture level which will make it more breakage prone than ever.

You should also know that silicone serums were created to give us a better alternative to grease. Although grease works very well as a sealant, it’s heavier than other products and it attracts more dirt. If you have very fine hair or acne prone skin, you should choose a silicone serum instead.

As I get further along in my hair journey, there seems to be a growing amount of do’s and don’ts in caring for my hair, as I get closer and closer to being natural. This week has been no different and I have to say that I’m feeling some sort of satisfaction when making these discoveries. After all – it shows I’m growing in brain power as well as kinks and curls right?

So, this month I made a pact with myself that I would back away from the tape-measure and stop consistently checking the length of my new growth. On a post a few weeks ago, one of you lovely ladies left me with some food for thought. The advice I was given was about setting a date for bringing my transition to an end and doing the big chop, and how this can cause one to feel discouraged if you haven’t reached the desired length at the intended time.

With both of these in mind, I began looking at this journey differently. Gradually, when I stopped worrying about length checking, I seemed to have less ‘bad hair days’ which I often convince myself I am having simply as a result of frustration. My hair no longer feels like I have to be conscious of it 24/7 and here are some reasons why I think this may be:

Made me less conscious of the two textures: One thing that is always at the top of a transitioner’s list is the difference in the two textures. When I was length-checking excessively, I was constantly highlighting the fact that I needed to blend the two textures.
Concentrating on length can overshadow health of hair: If your only focus is achieving length, then you are more than likely to ignore the overall health of your hair, such as neglecting to trim split ends in order to retain length. This will of course become a threat to your hair in the long run.

Slower growth rates can be discouraging: There are times that our hair will grow faster from one month to the next. If you are constantly checking your length and find that it has slowed down, you may question the products and techniques you have been using on your hair. This may cause you to change a perfectly good regime, trying to fix something that was not broken.

Ultimately, I guess by constantly checking the length of my hair, I am unnecessarily putting pressure on myself. Allowing myself to just go with the flow (on list of do’s this week) and re-motivate myself to keep moving forward!

Remember when Gia brought all the Boyz to the yard?

Well, in the comment section, a few of y'all inquired about my hat.


*blushes* what, this old thing?

Early spring 2011, during one of those dangerous 'I'm bored so let's go spend money' trips to the mall, I wandered into Aldo. Just beginning to toy with the idea of rocking twists to get me through the summer, I decided that tams would be my salvation. The solution to that 'scalpy' look I was so desperately trying to avoid. I had seen a few around... Claire's, Forever 21, Charlotte Russe all carried them but they looked and felt, well, cheap.

So here I am in Aldo and they have two... one in black and one in gray. They're perfectly chunky with lots of character and, AND only 10 bucks a piece. Score! I bought both and at the time, I didn't realize that the adorable chunky and warm threading also made it completely inappropriate for the summer. So, sadly, I shelved them, managed NOT to lose them in the move to PA and broke 'em out this fall.


I searched the Aldo site and while they no longer carry my exact hat, this one is pretty darn close. It's only 15 dollars and it comes in gray, midnight black and taupe.
I also found a super cute purple one that looks very similar at Target last week, so you may want to check there as well... it was like 17 bucks.

When I wear tams, I always rock a protective satin bonnet underneath. This one, to be exact.

Happy hat hunting!

Nik

Hola Chicas,

My darling Boogie is an unbelievable 14 months today. I don't mean to brag *brushes shoulder off*, but now this is happening. She's amazing y'all! She can identify her nose, her ears, her 'stinky feet', and her 'big belly'. She points (and grunts) at what she wants and entertains herself by either quietly flipping and 'reading' through the pages of her favorite book or boogying of course, sometimes, sans music. Every time a phone rings, she answers her imaginary one with a super cute 'allo', and she initiates the best neck hugs and wet kisses... she even grabs my cheeks with both her hands to make sure she gets it real good. Although she doesn't call me anything yet, she knows 'dada' and calls to him ALL. DAY. Here's the thing, except for 'paw-paw' (my dad melts every single time) and 'allo', everything else comes out as a derivative of 'dada'. Bye-bye comes out dye-dye (as she grabs her rattle and heads to the front door) and she refers to our dog Lady as 'daydy'.

During the past month, we've allowed the two to interact a bit more as I've grown a little less anxious, and Gia, less scared. Being the doting mother I am, I'm never far and always facilitate their ridiculously adorable play sessions. I've shared this before, but Boog is most certainly a Sour Patch Kid... first she's sour then she's sweet... she'll pinch you with her nails to elicit an 'ouch', then giggle and lean in for a hug. She can be just as rough with the poor dog. Here's how it usually plays out--

-Lady is laying next to my feet minding her business.

-Gia, done dancing or running in circles directs her attention to Lady.

-Fred Sanford style, she walks over to Lady, belly leading the way. She usually has some object in her hand... a remote, a CD, rattle, book or one of her shoes.

-Boog commences yelling. Standing over the lazing Lady, she yells 'daydy, DAYDY, DAYDY, dye-dye, dye-dye'.

-Lady doesn't flinch, doesn't even look up.

-Not eliciting the response she hopes for, Boog throws whatever is in her hand at Lady.

-Lady cares not.

We're trying to stop this abusive behavior before PETA swarms in. Last night, this exact situation played out. Gia hit lady in the head with her rattle in the presence of me and her 'dada'. We both immediately and simultaneously let out a stern 'no-no Gia'. And you know me, I think I may have followed up with an oh so appropriate, 'let's be more respectful' or something of that nature. We had our game faces on, no smiles... she could tell we weren't pleased. Boog begins rubbing her eyes with her little balled up fists. She peaked out at us over one hand and when she saw that no one was smiling, she continued rubbing, as if to say, 'I'm so sleepy I'm delirious... it wasn't my fault'. She then proceeded to tug her ear... the way she does when we ask, 'where's Boogie's ear?', followed by lots of praise. She tugged on it and smiled like, 'huh? You like that?!' When that didn't work, she gave us some of this action-

By this time, I'm hiding my face behind my hands... holding back the laughter, my eyes welling up with tears. Hubby, bless his heart, held his position. Then I broke...laughed so hard a little pee came out. I mean, damn! What's a momma to do? We're really trying to go hard with this discipline thing but she's just too darn cute and she knows exactly what to do to make us smile and forget her indiscretions.

Help!


*can we take a moment to discuss this dance routine? It's very fluid and as the months have gone by she's been putting steps together-- sashay, spin annnd hands! We haven't taught her a single move... except for the tap dancing. HILARIOUS. Hubby will stomp his feet and then a la Bill Cosby, yell, 'Challenge!' and Boog goes hard. Everything else, including that 'drop it low' move... that's all her.*

Later Gators,
Nik

via the Beauty Brains

Hoconnor asks…I’ve always heard that hair grows faster in the summer. Is this true? Why? And if so, is there a way to recreate the summer benefit in the winter (such as with the addition of humidifiers, heat lamps, diet changes?)

The Right Brain responds:

We’ve said this before and we mean it: the members of the Beauty Brains Forum are awesome! After Hoconnor posted this question, SarahF and Lelaleia did some research and found several interesting references. Even though Left Brain admitted to being stumped on this one, these additional resources made us think. That’s the beauty of true science – we’re always glad to reconsider our positions when new data comes in. You can read the entire discussion in the original Forum post, but we’ll recap the highlights here.

Summer time tresses

1. Seasonal Changes in Human Hair Growth

“… The rate of growth of the beard was lowest in January and February and increased steadily from March to July to reach a peak about 60% above the winter level. The rate of growth of thigh hair showed a similar pattern though with less pronounced differences.”

2. Seasonal Variation in Trichogram in Chilean Subjects

“During summer the percentage of telogen increases and the percentage of anagen decreases. This study confirms the presence of seasonal variations in normal trichogram.”

3. Seasonality of Hair Shedding in Healthy Women

“These results confirm the findings of former authors who have indicated seasonal changes in human hair growth, though this is the first study performed systematically in a representative number of women.”

It looks like there is reasonable evidence that hair grows faster in the summer. What an interesting and surprising finding! Isn’t science wonderful?

Do you notice faster hair growth in the summer or winter?

Halloween is upon us everyone. I wanted to know if anyone was going to wear a Halloween costume which will feature natural hair? Maybe someone will dress as Diana Ross or Erykah Badu... or go for something historical like Nefertiti. I honestly can't think of too many costumes which feature a woman's natural hair @_@. Maybe you guys have thought of something clever that I haven't!?

As for me, this year I think I am going to be Forest Whitaker's Left eye!

Dear CC:

My natural hair (not pictured) is extremely thin but healthy, however, I have worn a wig for many years. I have recently been exposed to your blog, among many others, all celebrating natural hair. I had no idea this world existed, but I am glad I know now. I am ready to take the wig off and wear my own hair with the help of a few styling ideas from friends. There’s only one problem, and his name is Mister. I met my Nigerian husband seven years ago at a gathering at a mutual friend’s home. I have worn my wig throughout my entire marriage and my husband has never really seen me without it except for at bedtime. I know what you’re thinking, a man from the Mother land prefers fake hair? Well yes, exactly. Clearly he has adopted the Western idea of beauty and I never really thought about it until now. He loves my wig, which is just a basic black wig with large sized curls, the kind achieved through a roller set. He is not at all pleased with my decision to ditch the wig. He even made a few negative remarks about the appearance of my hair without the wig. I want my husband to be satisfied with the way I look and be attracted to me, however, I am ready for a change.

My Response:

First of all, welcome to the world of Natural Hair Media! It is amazing how many resources are out there dedicated to the topic. Every day it seems there is another blog unturned. Second, your dilemma is not at all uncommon. I have witnessed many women concerned about changing their hair, natural or otherwise, and whether or not their spouse/significant other will “approve”. I’ve been there myself. You love your man and you want him to find you physically attractive. I am not going to give you the “it’s your hair, not his” speech that can be heard in any circle of women. Instead, I am going to offer a few suggestions on how to ease your guy into your new look.

1. Show him natural hair is sexy too!
Men are attracted to confident women and if you wear your mane with confidence, he can’t help but be attracted to you. The positive energy you put out there will reach him and hopefully be reciprocated. This could also be a time to introduce some role play into your lives. Explain to him that it will be like dating a different woman.

2. The Touch Factor
Touch is sensual and intimate. Encourage him to touch and feel your soft coils and he may start to view the whole idea differently.

3. Share with him what you’ve learned
Sometimes people reject things they don’t understand. Don’t bog him down with the details because he could probably care less about the a b c’s of trichology. Tell him your reasons for wanting to proudly display your natural tresses. Once he sees you in your fresh, cute styles, he will soon forget about that wig. Eventually his response will be “if you like it, I love it”.

Hola chicas!

It's that time again! The images below are of CN readers at their flyyest...at work, on the town, and with the fam. Showing us all that natural hair is not a fad, it's a way of life...an extension of our beauty! Click on the images to enlarge them--

CurlMart has a new look, plus they've made it easier for you to shop! The new CurlMart is clean, simple and fast! Products are now easier to find and it's easier to checkout.

To celebrate these big changes, CurlMart is giving you 20% off your entire purchase with coupon code NEW20.

*Coupon code expires at 11:59 p.m. on October 31, 2011. Code cannot be combined with any other coupons. We cannot offer discounts on the following brands: As I Am, Curly Cocktails™, Curly Hair Solutions, Kinky-Curly, Miss Jessie's and Wen.

Valecia writes:

I’ve been a natural hair diva for a little over 2 years. I stopped relaxing my hair in September 2009 after I had been without a “perm” for 7 months! I thought I needed a relaxer for my wedding day; I hadn’t realized all the beautiful styles I could have tried with natural/transitioning hair. Let me not dwell on that because it burns me up now!

Anyhow, I did the BC in July of 2010 after transitioning for 10 months and I love my curls and coils! I often wish I had decided to do this sooner so that I’d be further along, but at least I started when I did.

I found out I was pregnant with my second child in the latter part of 2010. My first child was born 9 weeks premature so my doctor watched me closely with my second pregnancy. She told me that she recommended a c-section, which I found a bit disappointing, but I trust my doctor so I agreed. Instead of dwelling on not being able to have my second child naturally, I decided to continue embracing my natural hair journey and look great on my delivery day! I told my husband early on that I was going to be a “diva” on delivery day and he chuckled, but he discovered I was very much serious!

I, like many other pregnant ladies, packed my hospital bag weeks before my expected delivery. My hospital bag included what most expectant mothers would pack; however, I also threw in some cute sundresses (my baby was born in July in the Deep South), headbands, jewelry, makeup, and some styling products-Suave Natural Coconut Conditioner, Organics Olive Oil Leave-in, and Smooth and Shine Curl Activator. When the big day arrived, I was very calm. My second child birth experience wasn’t an emergency so I was able to take my time and get ready…and get ready I did! I two-strand twisted my hair and put it in a bun. I put on a beret. I got my make-up bag out and put my “face” on. I applied some strip lashes. Then, my husband whisked me away to the hospital for my planned c-section.

All the pictures I posted to Facebook or sent via text post-delivery got replies like, “Girl, you look great” or “You don’t look like you had a baby” or “Go ‘head Val! You really did it”! I know some might have felt that me being concerned with my hair and looks when I was about to have a baby was silly, but making sure I looked nice for all the pictures I knew would be sent out didn’t take away from the importance of my little one. We’re human beings; we’re capable of complex thoughts and feelings!

With that being said, my second child birth was a different and fun experience! I don’t know, however, if it was fun enough to try for a third child. That’s something to discuss that with my husband…years down the road! : - )

by Sherrell Dorsey of OrganicBeautyVixen.com

Sunday afternoon, as I sat in a local cafe getting some work done, I came across writer Demetria L. Lucas’ article on Essence.com titled”Real Talk: Stop Putting Your Daddy Issues on Hold”. Lucas speaks about the 82% of Black children that will never live in the same house with their fathers. WTH?

Lucas references the trail of “Dear Daddy,” a feature-length documentary about the lifelong effects of fatherlessness on women, and the importance of a father’s role. Filmmaker Janks Morton followed eight young women from Washington, D.C. as they struggled to overcome the absence of their fathers.

Unfortunately, I’m part of that statistic of fatherless children. Although I am proud and blessed to be an adopted child, if my father would have been responsible, I would have grown up with my “family”, but he never came for me.

I wanted to share my pain with not having a father in my life because this article I read hit me hard. The older I get and more comfortable in my own skin, I have realized that there are still certain things that I must heal from in order to move forward. Getting over my daddy issues is one of them. But let me ask you: Do you ever really get over your daddy issues?

I have a great mother, uncles, cousins and brothers but it does not equate to having an actual, physical father. There is no stage in life that you can “get over” not having a father.

I’m reminded of it when I look back on my past relationships, when my best friend can call and talk to her dad about car repairs and dreadfully when I do find that perfect man and have to walk down the aisle solo. It’s a constant pain that thumps faintly and then spikes when the situation arises. If I could take a pain killer I would but nothing changes the heartache of a fatherless child.

To get through some of this heartache I’ve decided to write my own letter to my “Daddy” to say everything I’ve always wanted to say. Though I won’t ever be able to say this to his face, it feels nice to bring it out and to the open.

So here it goes, my moment of release, therapy, and final eviction of all of the pain, emotion and years of resentment I carried for my father.

I haven’t decided if I am going to send this letter to him yet. Maybe after this heart wrenching phase, I’ll get the strength to. We’ll see….

Dear Dad,

Even using that word brings up images of pain, lonely nights and years of questioning why I wasn’t enough for you. While I am working to forgive you and my mother for being human, the question remains: How on earth could you abandon me?

I needed you to help balance out my female-dominated life, be there to give me the talk about boys so that I wouldn’t have to suffer through my current state of bad relationships and empty voids. I taught myself how to ride my bike, had a first boyfriend my mother had to interogate and when I became a debutante I needed you to be there to dance with me down the isles instead of my grandfather. You were supposed to be the first man to tell me that I’m beautiful and help me to know myself before anyone had the opportunity to label me. I was supposed to be your “little girl”.

I needed you and you didn’t care. How does one sleep at night not knowing if their own flesh and blood is breathing, eating, safe and secure? I’m not sure if your lack of presence was a blessing or a curse. My pain runs deep just like it does for my other brothers and sisters you’ve managed to abandon as well. You brought disfunction into my life. My siblings are strangers. You were the first man to break my heart and I’m struggling to not hate you.

A man that puts himself last does not abandon his family. What would you have lost by being in my life? I wasn’t a troubled child. I ate my veggies, became class president and even put myself through college. Your minimal contribution is an insult to who you could have been to me.

I’m sorry that you missed out on something and someone so great. But I guarantee that I won’t let your actions break me. I pray for my husband to be the father to my children I never had. That my daughters know the comfort of their father’s arms, his voice, his love, his care.

One day I’ll walk down the isle without you again by my side. But then again I’m used to it. Thank you for the pain because without it I wouldn’t know healing, I wouldn’t know love, I wouldn’t know God.

- Sherrell

Do you have a letter that you need to write to your father? This was one of the most difficult posts I’ve ever written. Please share with me your thoughts, letters or simply your story.

Sherrell Dorsey is a natural beauty expert, writer, speaker and advocate of health, wellness and sustainability in communities of color. In addition to creating OrganicBeautyVixen.com, Sherrell writes beauty articles for Tyra Banks's beauty and fashion site TypeF.com, Jones Magazine, MySalonScoop.com and Posh Beauty. Follow Sherrell on twitter at www.twitter.com/organicvixen and connect with her on facebook at http://www.facebook.com/OBVMedia

Butter apples are a wonderful complement to thinly pounded chicken breast. This recipe can be served with any roasted meat or veggies.

Nutrition Profile: Diabetes appropriate, low calorie, low saturated fat, low sodium, heart healthy, healthy weight appropriate, gluten free.

Ingredients:
2 Braeburn apples, peeled and thinly sliced
1 tablespoon lemon juice
3 teaspoons extra-virgin olive oil, divided
3 teaspoons unsalted butter, divided
¼ teaspoon ground cinnamon
1 1/8 teaspoon herbes de Provence, divided
½ teaspoon salt
¼ teaspoon freshly ground pepper
1 ½ pounds boneless, skinless chicken breast, trimmed
1 cup reduced-sodium chicken broth
1 teaspoon freshly grated lemon zest

Directions:
1. Toss apple slices with lemon juice and cinnamon in a small bowl. Heat 1 teaspoon oil and 1 teaspoon butter in a medium nonstick skillet over medium-high heat. Add apples and cook, stirring occasionally until tender, about 5 minutes. Keep warm.

2. Mix 1 teaspoon herbes de Provence, salt and pepper. Place chicken between sheets of plastic wrap and pound meat with a meat mallet or the bottom of a small sauce pan to ½ -inch thickness. Sprinkle the chicken on both sides with the seasoning mixture.

3. Heat 1 teaspoon oil and 1 teaspoon butter in a large skillet over high heat. Add half the chicken and cook until no longer pin in the center, 2-3 minutes per side. Remove to a platter and keep warm. Add the remaining 1 teaspoon oil and 1 teaspoon butter to the pan; heat over high heat. Cook the remaining chicken in the same manner.

4. Add broth, lemon zest and the remaining 1/8 teaspoon herbes and any accumulated juices from the chicken to the pan. Cook, stirring to scrape any browned bits, until slightly reduced, about 3 minutes. Spoon the sauce over the chicken and served with the sautéed apples.

Nutrition Per Serving: 191 calories, 6g fat (2g sat, 2g mono), 72 mg cholesterol; 6g carbohydrates, 27g protein; 1 g fiber; 292 mg sodium; 342 mg potassium.



Every year consumers spend billions of dollars on weight loss programs and products, many of which leave them empty handed (and with an empty wallet). With a huge variety of weight loss programs available, I’m often asked how to choose the right one that will help provide safe weight loss and keep the pounds away for good. To answer this question, I put together a list of key elements to look for in a weight loss program:

1. Safety. This goes at the very top of my list. A sound weight-loss program will encourage you to check with your healthcare provider before you get started. This visit allows your provider a chance to offer any special precautions or guidelines based on your health status and should include a screening to assess your readiness for exercise.

2. Credibility. This ranks right up there with safety. For the best results, and to further help ensure safety, the program should have credentialed providers such as registered dietitians, certified fitness professionals, certified wellness coaches, behavioral specialists (licensed psychologist or counselors0 and such licensed medical professionals such as physicians and registered nurses. Always use caution with peer-led programs (that is people who claim they have lost weight successfully). Although such programs can offer support and guidance though the program functions, they often don’t have a staff with educational background in exercise, nutrition, or behavior change to offer sound professional advice.

3. Flexibility. Programs that demand a rigid diet or exercise pan set you up for failure before you even begin. Often these guidelines are just too difficult to stick with for even the most disciplined and dedicated individuals. Look instead for programs that integrate your food and physical activity preferences. Perhaps a program that will teach you how to cook your favorite dishes in a more healthful way. To be successful in the long-term, you’ll need to adopt lifestyle changes that you can live with.

4. Realistic outcomes. It absolutely drives me up the wall when I see commercials or hear claims on the radio of someone saying, “Lose 20 pounds in 1 week.” Believe it or not I’ve actually heard claims like this and my immediate thought was, “Why isn’t this person in the hospital?” Although this might catch your eye, the truth is safe and permanent weight loss happens slowly. The recommended (by fitness and medical experts) weight loss rate is ½ pound to a maximum 2 pounds per week for lasting results. You should ask to see program outcome data regarding average amount of weight loss and long-term follow up results. If no data is available, or they won’t share it… HUGE RED FLAG!

5. Self-monitoring. One study found that people who kept a daily food journal lost twice as much weight as those who didn’t. Writing down what you eat keeps you accountable and makes you think twice about going back for seconds. Keeping exercise records can be helpful as well. Self-monitoring offers an objective look at how you’re doing in relation to your goals and is very helpful especially when you hit a plateau and need to adjust your approach.

6. Sensible nutrition. Avoid programs that eliminate entire food or nutritional categories, such as fruit, grain, fats or carbs (which are everywhere!). According to the American Dietetic Association, all foods fit in a healthy diet. Plans that advocate special combinations of foods, certain foods in unlimited quantities, or are too restrictive don’t work. Eat a variety of whole grains, colorful veggies and fruits, low-fat dairy products and lean sources of protein and you’re instantly on a path to a healthier diet.

7. Regular exercise. Programs making claims that weight can be loss “without exercise or change in physical activity” is another one that drives me crazy. Getting active and staying active is the cornerstone of maintaining a healthy body weight. In addition, exercise optimizes conditions in the brain for enhanced learning and decision-making. It’s a great mood-elevator, metabolism booster and can help counteract emotional eating. A weight loos program should encourage you to find ways to make physical activity apart of your daily life.

8. Cognitive changes. A good weight loss program will help you learn to think in new ways that is essential for long-term success. A reputable program will help you replace faulty thinking patterns with positive, productive ways of thinking that support your health goals.

9. Believable claims and no pressure. Walk (or better yet run) away from any program that pressures you to buy special foods, supplements, pills, or gadgets or promises a quick fix. There are no magic pills to “melt your fat away”. Sustainable weight loss requires a significant effort and a sensible approach and with the right support, expertise and guidance, you can make it happen.

Until next week…

KinkySheaPT
G. Nicole Shea, BS, ACSM-CPT
ACSM Certified Personal Trainer
Zumba® Fitness Instructor

Hola Chicas,

It's Thursday which means we've officially taken over Essence for the day! Check out my latest installment, Newly Natural, Now What, where I give a new natural some pointers on finding her swag. Read it, like it, share it and comment! Thanks guys!

Later Gators,
Nik

p.s. scroll down on the Essence home page and check out my video interview with Essence's Senior Beauty Editor!

This past week gave me the rare opportunity to spend time with a toddler. It was a really affirmative and awakening experience. As I approach the end of my twenties, consideration to marriage and children has landed upon me quite startingly considering the slight opposition I had to them in my early twenties. It wasn’t a staunch opposition; mostly, I just didn’t quite see either for myself. For years, I’d say that down the line, I saw myself with children, but didn’t know how they got there. Lately, that’s been all turned around. Being a great mother and wife are very important to me, despite my singleness. I see myself in an amazing partnership with lots of love for each other and for our child(ren). Being 28, this change of heart isn’t unheard of, even if it did surprise me.

Last week, my oldest friend, Alicia, aka, Nikki, was in town for a few days with her daughter, Gia, and husband. We made arrangements for me to babysit oneday so they both could get some work done. This is New York City and most of my friends are single and childless; I don’t babysit often. In fact, I can’t even remember the last time I’ve watched a toddler by myself. Still, I was actually really excited.

I awoke Wednesday morning with a mere five or six hours of sleep, but up with a sense of duty: I need to trek it to Manhattan to babysit Gia. Because of her torso wiggle dance, they call her Boogie. I call her Boogie Monster. She doesn’t get the reference, but it still makes her laugh, which makes me laugh.

After four hours of watching Boog by myself, a friend stops by to tag team the babysitting process with me not long before Nikki and her hubby return. I spent 13 hours with her before going home and sleeping for 13 hours after that. The next day when I saw them, I joked that Gia was a higher human being who knew how to consume human energy, while the rest of us feeble humans needed food. Really, after that night, I gained an even greater respect for my friend who works mostly from home and has her daughter with her most of the time. Where does she get the energy? How does she have so much on her plate and make it work?

It’s always interesting to hear why people want to have children. One common reason is to teach, which is an imperative I can understand and relate to. What’s intersting, though, is that there’s so much to learn from children. One of the biggest epiphanies I’ve had came from observing this 13-month old child reaching for any and everything. Babies don’t know what’s good for them or bad for them, and they don’t care. Really, they want what they want. When you intercept and say “no, that’s not good for you,” they cry and have tantrums. Sometimes, it’s a wail of cry from deep down. They’re really invested in what they want and how dare anyone get in the way.

Then I thought about myself. When I don’t get what I want, I may not have a physical tantrum, but I may have an emotional one. My attitude can instantly turn pissy as I experience my fit of frustration. Just like a child’s. Just like a 13-month old baby. But I’m an “adult”. Acting quite similar to a child. Maybe what I want and don’t get is something I don’t need. Or something I’m not ready for. Perhaps what I really need is something I don’t want at all.

The Boogie Monster taught me that I need to grow up and be patient. As a baby, she’s allowed a phase for tantrums, but that period for me has long since passed. To purport to believe that everything has a purpose and then to act out because I don’t get what I want is incongruent.

As much as I like to fancy the idea of children right now, those 13 hours were pivotal in letting me know how much I’d like to get done before I have to make that sort of lifetime commitment. Children are amazing and as much as possible, I really want to be ready. And mature. Having the time, money, and energy to dedicate to implementing the vision of parenting I have is now of the utmost importance. I have to grow to grow up.

Can you relate? Weigh in!

Petra writes:

Nikki I think I found a new staple to my hair regimen,I am a wash and go kind of girl so this routine is my *new* wash and go method for long lasting cottony, soft, moisturized tresses. I only just recently started talking about my use of grease on my hair as I’ve always been a closet greaser. I came out once all the blogs and forums exploded with curly confessions of going back to basics,… doing what mommy did and so needless to say I felt compelled….. and I came out too. *looking down avoiding eye contact*

Greasers Anonymous..Hi my name is Petra and I grease my hair!

For the past 4 weeks I have been experimenting with including all types of hair grease during my wash and go routine. I’ve used Murrays Carrot Oil, Organic Root stimulator Coconut Oil, and finally DAX pomade as shown in the above photo.

Let's just say the results are stellar and my hair swag is a 10!

Grease benefits for me-
*moisture retention
*soft curls
*slightly stretched hair

Wash and go method
1.) Start off with dry hair separated into 4 sections

2.) Add olive oil to each section for ease of finger detangling before entering the shower

3.) Shampoo each section (I use Shea moisture, Moisture Retention shampoo)

4.) Add conditioner to each section and do a quick detangle

Do shower business

5.) Wash out most of the conditioner

Get out of shower

6.) Spray each section with my water mix (water and Infusium 23)

7.) Apply a little Dax Pomade to each section (smoothing motion, stretching hair)

8.) Apply Ecostyler gel to each section for hold

9.) Air dry

Co-wash - repeat all steps minus the shampoo
at night I just separate my hair into two loose pony tails cover with bonnet and go to bed.

The next morning...Fluff and go!

by Tracey Wallace via NaturallyCurly.com

Barack Obama is many things to many people, but one thing he definitely is not is a baby.

Despite what you think of Obama as a president, the man is anything but childish. To be able to draw upon something both sides of the political spectrum can agree on, Obama is well-spoken, well-dressed and well-educated, things that a baby is not. At least, not until now.

Despite Ashton-Drake’s history of reproducing dolls of famous people, they surprised us with the recent release of a lifelike baby doll of President Barack Obama.

Despite his adorable type 4a curls, the Obama baby doll is a bit creepy, though not as creepy as the monkey dolls they also sell.

Baby Obama will set you back more than $150 proving that hope isn’t free after all!

The real debacle here is in why they created an Obama baby to begin with. They made perfectly hand-crafted Barbie-style Michelle Obama, Kate Middleton and Lucille Ball dolls. These dolls are beautiful and capture each of these people in the height of their prestige, reminding all who purchase them of their grandeur. The Obama baby doll seems to do just the opposite, and makes me wonder what side of the political fence the good people at Ashton-Drake Galleries are on.

On the other hand, it is nice to see a curly haired, African-American male baby doll rocking the “Yes, we can!” attitude! As one co-worker said, “Baby Obama is staring at me as I respond to my emails. He is oddly comforting!”

What are your thoughts?

via Stylepantry.com

So I ordered a pair of what I thought was yellow wide leg pants from ASOS.com and this was what I got in the mail.

I love the cut. I just wish they were yellow. Regardless, I’m looking forward to wearing them with a chunky, cozy boyfriend sweater when it gets colder.

I may get this blue pair as well. I want them like…right now! You have seen this American Apparel Chiffon Puff Sleeve Blouse before. Wore it here. It’s quite sheer so I wore a black tank under.

Still loving my rope bracelet c/o TheRope.com – Enjoy…xx

**************************************

about StylePantry--

Every Wednesday, I’m going to open my closets to Curly Nikki community and invite you all in. This is my story as a working mother of 3, fashionably chasing my kids around. It’s one thing for us to point at the runways, drool over the lookbooks, and pick off the shelves of our favorite boutiques, but more importantly, we as fashion-minded people need to share our styles more. So please, leave your comments and share your thoughts, and by all means submit your fashion/style questions or "where to shop" for certain pieces to @stylepantry on Twitter or on Facebook. You can also find me on Tumblr!

According to Webster’s online dictionary, a diva is a distinguished female operatic singer or female operatic star. According to the urban dictionary, a diva is a bitchy woman that must have her way exactly, or no way at all. Often rude and belittles people, believes that everyone is beneath her and thinks that she is so much more loved than what she really is. selfish, spoiled, and overly dramatic. (Thanks Charmain!) According to Beyonce, a diva is the female version of a hustler. According to me a diva is a woman who carries herself with confidence and assertion and looks damn good doing it . It took me a long, LONG time to get to that point, but I have found that life is so much more fun when you live your life by your own rules and enjoy every day like it’s the first day to something really big! Everybody has their own way of perceiving the world, but I want to share with you my perception of the way I view the world around me. I’ve been told that I am very unusual and see life through a completely more fun pair of binoculars than the average gal, but hey, life’s short, sip champagne, make lots of love, buy lots of shoes and take lots of pictures. So, here’s the rules I live by. Hopefully every doll reading this will find something that they can tuck away in their purse for a rainy day.

1. Accept that you’re a diva. It’s cool, I swear. If you think there’s a negative connotation to the term, turn it into a positive one by living your life above the “title”. Ya know, it’s funny, a confident woman who knows exactly what she wants and won’t accept anything less could be viewed as a bitch, but a man who does the same thing has cojones. Things that make you go “hmmm”, right?

2. Embrace that you’re a diva. See, the thing about it, is there’s millions of people out there waiting for you to figure out how damn fabulous you are so that you can share all that fabulous, sexiness with the WORLD! What are you waiting for?

3. Take pictures, because you’re a diva. I don’t care if you live in Minnesota, the key is stepping out as if the paparazzi is at your front door. I’m not saying that you need to don heels and a fur coat just to go to Wal-Mart (lord knows, I don’t), but always be camera ready. You may run into a group of old friends and decide to go to lunch, an ex with a dreadful looking new companion, or a “prospect” (wink wink). Keep your game tight!

4. Find your “cape”. There will be days when your sexy will be a 2 on a scale from 1-10. On those days, you may not be able to bring yourself up to a full 10, but with your “cape” you can atleast pull down a 5 or 6! You remember how Clark Kent was a shy news person, but became Superman once he dusted off his cape and speedos? Same rule applies for divas. On those down days, put on your “cape” to remind you that you’re fabulous, youre gorgeous and you effin rock! It can be anything, a pair of jeans that show off that illegally perky booty, a particular pair of earings that show off your long neck, maybe even a sexy pair of panties or a bra! For me, it’s any pair of stilettos I can find in my closet. Something about wearing heels forces me to strut whether I want to or not. By the time I get from the parking lot to the inside of my destination, I’m ready to kick butt and take names.

5. Find your sexy selling point. Every woman had a sexy selling point. It can be anything from your giggle to your expressive eyes. Find what makes you sexy and work it.

6. Be the girlfriend that every other girlfriend would love to have, but only few ever get the pleasure to really know. Good friends are hard to come by. For some reason, girl friends are even trickier to tack down than dudes! Listen and respond when talking on the phone, even if your favorite show is on. Show up and ALWAYS be there when it matters most to her, not you. Be that boost of confidence when hers is running low, but also know when to be that swift kick in the ass when she needs it too. Be the type of friend that you would want to have. Nobody ever needs 20 close friends. Have a close bunch that you can devote yourself to. That way, youre not spreading yourself thin!

7. Always say “please” and “thank you”. A real world diva is not a self-centered, entitled, bitchy type. A real world diva knows that it’s easier to coax ants with honey than vinegar. A diva gets her own so she doesn’t have to wait for anyone to get it for her. A real world diva is always appreciative and gracious. A real world diva remembers what her mama taught her about manners and giving respect to get respect. There will be moments when you may have to be “nice-sty”, but for the most part, being polite is so chic and never, ever goes out of style.

8.Treat your heart like a drop top convertible. By this, I mean, let down your “drop top” and enjoy what the world around you has to offer. Leave the top down so you don’t miss a beat. Sure there will be rain, hurricanes even! But there will also be beautiful sunny days and spring time flowers. Learn what you can and enjoy the rest. You can handle the bad times and good times. Trust me, I should know.

9. When it comes to your appearance, remember, what God gave you is more beautiful than anything you can buy. No matter what it is, or what you’re working with, God created it. You got a few extra pounds? Shoot you call it fat, I call it blessings. Sure, I was skinnier in college, but I didn’t have what to eat then the way I do now. God blessed me with a job so that I can afford to fill my fridge with groceries. Your boobs aren’t as perky as they once were? Take a look at that beautiful human being you brought into this world. The lord giveth and taketh. What you call wrinkles, I call blessed laugh lines. I’ll keep the wrinkles around my eyes and dimples. Theyre there because I’ve been laughing more than crying these last 27 years of my existence. You were fearful and wonderfully made, child. Hold your head high and accentuate your God given gorgeousness.

by Shelli of Hairscapades

Last year around this time, I was heading to NYCC and suddenly noticed that my nails were all about a half-inch long!! If you knew my nail history, you’d be as shocked as I was! You see, although I’ve never had a problem with achieving relatively long hair, I could never “grow” long nails, especially on all ten digits at the same time (I’ve always had this theory that the keratin strength either goes to your hair or your nails, rarely both!). I’ve never had the patience for manicures, nail treatments or tips, especially given the need to regularly maintain them. On the rare occasions that I did get a mani, no matter how long I seemed to wait for my nails to dry, I always smudged and/or chipped one (or several) within hours of leaving the salon.

So, I was ecstatic last Spring when I learned of this new Opi nail lacquer which would be completely dry within minutes and would last for two weeks with a nearly chip proof finish! I proceeded to get my nails done every four weeks (because it lasted that long) for several months. And, my nails grew! But then, the side effects began to manifest. The removal process, which involved heavy-duty chemical solvents and a “chisel,” eventually damaged my nails so badly that one thumbnail looked like a shattered windshield! For months, my nails would bend backwards when I attempted to do anything and the tips would just peel away.

Now, you can understand my surprise when I realized in October that my bare nails were … dare I say it … long, healthy and strong. Super long? No. Super hard? Again, no. But, they were really long for me … so long that I had problems removing my contacts (TMI? lol). I started thinking about what could possibly be the cause of this and it struck me that I’d been using henna religiously for months, sometimes weekly. My nails would often be tinted slightly orange for a week or so after a treatment. Given that nails and hair share the same basic component, keratin, and that henna works it strengthening magic on hair by binding to that component, it stood to reason it could do the same for nails. So, I began to research henna for nail strength and found this:

via Helium.com

Henna can be used to add strength to nails because it contains a resinous substance that adheres to the surface of the nails. This provides protection from splits, chips and tears. Simply combine one tablespoon of natural colored henna with one and a half tablespoons of water. With a knife or spatula coat each nail in the mix for around five minutes before rinsing off. Only use once a month to prevent a build up of resin.

I then found this post on ehow.com, which provides step by step instructions on How to Make a Nail Strengthening Treatment from henna. Both of these posts reference neutral/natural colored henna, which isn’t henna at all. Rather, it is cassia obovata as many of us on the natural hair circuit know;). However, both my sister and I experienced improved nail health via the rinsing process while doing regular (weekly/bi-weekly) treatments with real henna! As cassia can be difficult to come by on the ground, you may choose to try a BAQ henna “rinse” instead. If you don’t mind a slight orange tint for a few days, simply allow your nails to soak in dye released henna water for a few minutes and rinse. Another option is to mix a henna paste and apply it immediately, prior to dye release, and again rinse after a few minutes. However, I would expect that the strengthening of the latter technique is less than the former as the dye molecule in henna is what binds to keratin and, I assume, provides the most plant resin.

If you are not feeling orange nails (hey, it’s October, they’d be great for Halloween;), you probably do want to go with cassia. I’ve experimented with the Light Mountain Hair Color & Conditioner, Neutral as it contains cassia and I could find it on the ground at Whole Foods. The ingredients are listed as cassia auriculata leaf and lawsonia inermis leaf powder and not cassia obovata though. It seems to work okay, but not as well as good, old-fashioned henna.

Regardless of which option you choose, if you are in search of a nail strengthening product, BAQ henna is an effective, 100% natural, quick and easy alternative to expensive, chemical-laden and/or time intensive commercial treatments. It could be just what the nail doctor ordered!

Have you experienced improved nail strength and increased length since using henna?