Natural Hair Killing the Romance in Your Bed?

by Kavuli Nyali-Binase via The Good Hair Diaries

I recently had one of my Twitter followers thank me for introducing them to the overnight baggy method, but she also mentioned in the same breath that it was a real romance killer. She was already twisting her hair into knots, and covering her hair with a do-rag at night just to protect her precious tresses. I wasn't sure how this could affect the bedroom mojo, so I had to call in the man (my hubby) and ask a few questions in order to get to the bottom of things.
Me: Does my head scarf kill the romance in bed?


Trevor: Not really...I understand why you cover your hair at night, so it really doesn't bother me at all. I do know that once I see you moisturizing and sealing your hair for bed, my chances of getting any have dropped about 50%.


Me: What?! That is not true! You may have to work a little harder because I'm tired, but my hair has never stopped us from...you know...doing it.


Trevor: Well, why do you ask? You wanna do it now!? That's fine with me...


Me: LOL! I was asking because of something that was said on Twitter. Do you have any suggestions for women that care about their hair, but also want to make sure that they care about the romance in bed as well?


Trevor: Make sure your head scarf is nice, nothing multi-colored and ugly! Also, if you must wear a head scarf, at least make sure that the rest of your night time gear (pajamas) aren't frumpy and ugly as well. Wear something pretty or go commando. Commando is always good.


Me: What about perfume and glowing skin?


Trevor: A woman should always smell good, whether it's because she just took a bath, sprayed some perfume or naturally smells lovely. Soft skin is always a plus. Nobody wants to cuddle with Chewbacca...


Me: LOL, Thanks baby!
Here are a few more tips that will benefit your hair and the romance in bed...
  • Consider purchasing silk or satin pillowcases, and toss the do-rag once and for all. This way you can toss and turn all you want without causing a ton of breakage.
  • Go for a solid colored head scarf that matches your sexy little night gown. This gives the illusion of an outfit and distracts from the serious business going on at the top of your head
  •  Try setting your hair for the evening after you've had "special" time with your partner. Men often love to run their fingers through our hair. It's worth a try...
  • Give the thermal pajamas a rest for a few days and let him/her keep you warm instead. Let soft touchable skin be the only thing you wear at night.
  • Gosh, I hope my mother isn't reading this post!
So how do you keep your natural hair looking fly, while making sure the romance barometer is through the roof?

49 Weigh in!:
Anonymous said...

LOL - the dialogue reads like one of those robot animations on YouTube.

Truthfully, I wear a simple white satin cap with a solid contrasting band - none of those frilly "grandma what big eyes you have" granny caps!

Anonymous said...

Not Chewbacca! LMAO

Anonymous said...

Why not.. u are married!!? lolol Your husband is funnnny!!!

Anonymous said...

Um, didn't you cover your head when you were relaxed or weaved up?
I don't understand how this is a NEW issue for black women. I've been wearing some kind of head wrap to bed since I was a kid and everyone I knew always did their business with their scarves on (and that was on relaxed hair).

Marcia said...

My hubby and I have had this conversation...he doesn't love my pink or purple old lady bonnets but it really isn't a turn off for him. Just not a turn on...lol I cannot do just a satin pillow case, exposed to the cold night air (we like it chilly at night) my hair is dryer without it...

Anonymous said...

I agree with matching solid colored scarf with sexy PJ's!:) And I don't know any man who would complain if his women came to bed in the buff!lol
Your head scarf would be the LAST thing on his mind!!!

Annie L. said...

@Anonymous 10:39am

Some women wore scarves with straightened hair and some didn't. So while some may have expected to throw theirs away, others were probably surprised it became a new part of their routines.

I never wore a scarf back in the day and trying to do it natural lasted 2-weeks. It's not me. I love my silk and satin pillowcases. Though I initially made them for skincare protection, I'm glad they do double duty.

Veronica said...

I've been wearing a satin cap to bed for years and years. Hubby even calls it my "sex cap". LOL. At this point, it would freak him out more if I didn't wear it.

Anonymous said...

lol @ Chewbacca

Anonymous said...

Thank you for this one!

Nitab said...

LOL! I love it......"grandma what big eyes you have" granny caps! I will have to remember that one.

This is good information. Tell your hubby thanks:-)

Annie L. said...

'Trevor: Also, if you MUST wear a head scarf, at least make sure that the rest of your night time gear (pajamas) aren't FRUMPY and UGLY as well.'

Lol, tell us how you really feel, Lol!

I let the hair go wild and loose at night in a big coily fro :) I think it's wildness is sexy, Lol! If someone does my twists/coils then that's hot too but if I do them in my seriously half-assed way then it's a mood killer, because they look :/ and I don't FEEL appealing.

DeAndra said...

Thanks for sharing! Awesome tips! After being married for 17-years - I have to admit that I don't put much thought into my nightime wear!

Fatima said...

My man doesn't really say anything about scarfs on my head. But most of the time I sleep on a satin pillowcase anyway with my hair out. He likes to grab my hair when we're intimate but it's okay. As long as he's not tangling my hair up I don't mind.

Anonymous said...

All I wear at night is cocoa butter (mixed with vitamin e oil) and my satin bonnet. My hubby doesn't mind. ;)

Anonymous said...

LMAO! You and your husband are funny!

Nashira said...

Wouldn't setting your hair after "special" time kill the cuddling mood? Maybe cuddling isn't big on the man's list, but it could be important to the woman. And regardless, I think the last thing anyone would want to do is twist their hair afterwards!

Nikell said...

Ha!! This post made me think about the scarf I wear at night. It belonged to my great grandma... so you can imagine how it looks. I try not to wear it every night though. And I do sport cute nighties so I guess it balances out (^_^)

watkinsabob said...

I hardly ever wrapped my hair at night when i was relaxed. People ask their husbands if they have a problem with it, but actually for me I don't feel sexy at all going to bed with all this frumpyness goings on up on my head. i'm just saying. i'm going to try just wearing my hair out and silk pillowcases and see how that goes.

shawnte said...

my husband hates bonnets, but my scarf doesn't bother him. one day i got in bed without it, and he actually told me that i'd forgotten to put my scarf on. i wasn't about to go to sleep yet (which is why it wasn't on), but i was surprised by the fact that he remembered that i needed to wear it and cared enough to remind me. love that he supports my natural hair.

Anonymous said...

@Anon 10:39 I agree it's not a natural hair thing...women I know loved to wrap their hair when it was relaxed wore a scarf to bed so I'm with you on this

WMH said...

I was relaxed for 25 years and NEVER wrapped my hair at night. I also didn't sleep on a silk pillowcase back then. I've been natural for 6 years now and I put a scarf on about 75% of the time. I currently use a silk pillow case...so every now and then I'll sleep with my hair loose and uncovered. During those *special* moments I just leave my hair loose and worry about it after. I would feel weird with a scarf or a bonnet on *during*. In all fairness, I would be totally turned off if he was sporting a doo-rag during those *special* times. LOL!!!!!

Anonymous said...

EXCELLENT POST! I've been thinking about asking my man about this...how he feels about the "granny what big eyes you have" red scarf AND black silk bonnet I wear EVERY NIGHT. HMMM. Maybe I could give up one night to a silk pillow case and see how that goes....but so far he has never really complained about the hair scarf/bonnet. You just never know what's on their minds when you're in that "moment" so sometimes I just get too afraid to ask! >_<

Anonymous said...

Don't worry about mama's reaction. You'd be surprised at some of the tips from the elder crowd...smile..

Anonymous said...

I agree...what an excellent post!! Thank you!! Your hubby hit the nail on the head with the "commando" suggestion! I just need to go buy some nice scarves versus the doo rag type I currently use. Love it!!

MissTenesha said...

This is a GREAT topic!! Haha!
I usually try to do my hair after we've..ya know..
And pineappling has become my 'sexy' nighttime 'updo'
And last but not least..I'll just invite hubby into the shower with me (hee hee)
Two birds. One stone. :D

NaturallyMe said...

my guy love my natural hair. when it was relaxed i was like "i'm not finna sweat out my fresh perm" lol Now it doesnt matter i can sweat it out, and do a wash and go later heyyyyy!

Anonymous said...

I don't agree with it being a plain scarf. There are many beautiful, feminine silk scarfs with fun patterns out there that I know wouldn't turn a man off. If you google image 'silk scarf hair" and scroll around (I know alot of those are of white girls using them as handbands), you see really cute ones that are tied up. I feel like the plain ones are super dull.

Dana said...

Use dark solid colored satin scarves or sleep on satin or silk pillowcase and wear nice pajamas (no old t-shirts and shorts/sweats or full flannels). I've been married almost 14 years and still wear nice (but comfortable) sleepwear. It was a promise I made to myself and will continue to stick to it. Hubby appreciates it.

Anonymous said...

Just do it!

EandJ said...

I rarely wear a scarf on my locks but when I do its black and satin. It actually helps hold my hair back.... love that
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Michelle B said...

Great topic. My husband doesn't really mind the scarf he already knows the deal lol... No but he has locks and most nights we both have wraps on to go to bed, his more so to keep his hair from getting on his nerve at night. I typically wear a plain black but when I'm trying to be extra sexy and have to wear a scarf, I use a leopard or some type of cute lil scarf and tie it in a cute way.

marianela said...

I agree with Michelle B on this one. If you have to wear a scarf and prefer to use one over using a satin pillow case, go for something edgy. I have a beautiful blue silk scarf that has a chain design on it and I tie it up in a bun in the back so it gives me the gypsy look.

Thrifty curly said...

love this topic

Anonymous said...

Brilliant post :)
To ad to that, its better to go for silk as opposed to satin as satin's weave is a 100% synthetic and 'sweats' during the night. a 100% Silk pillowcase allows your hair to 'breath' which stimulates hydration, giving shinier hair and reduces sebum production which in turn banishes greasy hair. There's plenty more benefits to silk, good website to read all about it is www.silkkiss.co.uk
A small investment but value for money in the long run I'd say. After all you spend about a third of your life in bed!

Leah Omonya said...

luckily for me, there's no one in my bed but me

Born2BeNatural64 said...

Funny.....laughing my behind off!!!!!! The dialog between you and your husband....it's so refreshing! Omg!!!!

asha b said...

Enjoyable. Thank you. Tehe.

freddy said...

haha this gave me a nice laugh! my man LOVES it when we finished and my hair is all crazy and wild. yes, even after i condition and oil at night...... it actually makes my curls better, like more defined, i still havent figured that one out yet.

Rashidah said...

My ex had a huge issue with my head tie. He always took it off during the do. I guess that's why he's my ex. I even blogged about him in a post on my site.

XOXO,
Beyondblackbeauty.com

Anonymous said...

Great topic. As a guy I can honestly say bonnets are a total turn off, I am not fond of scarfs either. My wife and I never had to discuss the bonnet/scarf thing because she has always used a satin pillowcase. From the start I loved the fact that she did NOT use scarfs or bonnets. It is just not cute.

Ann said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ann said...

I just cut the fro off - too much darn work. :( Sticking with a TWA.

naturalily said...

"Trevor: Well, why do you ask? You wanna do it now!? That's fine with me..."

Men!!! Ha-ha, you just gotta love 'em!

Anonymous said...

My dh also reminds me when I forget my scarf. He thinks my scarves are sexy but hates my bonnets due to the fact that all the ghetto birds @ the local beauty stores sports these (my words not his) every weekend. Smh...anywho my granddaddy ties his head up @ night so I kinna see it at as a regular nightly routine. Point is I sleep naked so what's on my head doesn't matter lol

Bridge E Fresh said...

Ladies, I absolutely LOVE the beautiful silk and satin wraps from G Wrap! They are super sexy & man approved! ghairwrap. com - Look for them on Facebook too!

Kisha said...

HAHA...as my hubby just turned his head to see tonight's hideous bonnet on my head!

Kisha said...

HAHA...as my hubby just turned his head to see tonight's hideous bonnet on my head!

Hilary B. said...

This is hilarious! love reading the comments. I didn't start wearing my scarf to bed until like month 3 of my relationship and even then, I made sure to tie it 'cute.' No wonder my blowouts never lasted, lol. But he didn't seem to care at all and it always ended up coming off anyway.
"Babe, can we skype?"
"Uhh, well my scarf's on and my retainer's in, so no."
him: -___-
lol. Bonnets make me feel like the wolf from Little Red Riding Hood. I just can't with them whether i'm sleeping alone or not.

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