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July 17, 2012

I Hate My Hair.


…by Susan Walker of Earthtones Naturals


I’ve been natural for almost 3 years and after I did the Big Chop I rocked wash n’ gos. They were my go to style. They were easy, the curls were coming out in full force and I loved the style. As my hair grew, the product I used for my wash n’ gos just wasn’t working any more and I started formulating a product, and a line of products that would eventually work beautifully. However something happened. As my hair became longer I began wearing it in twist outs. The products I used to accomplish the style made my hair soft, defined my curls beautifully and gave it incredible shine. This has now replaced the wash n’ go for my go to style.

Recently, I decided to do a wash n go again. I hated it. Now don’t get me wrong, there was nothing WRONG with the look. It was big, it was curly and it was beautiful. But it wasn’t the look that I was going for. It wasn’t what I wanted. I gave my 8 month old a sideways glance. Her hair is silky, shiny, and curly and requires minimal product and manipulation to achieve what I wanted my hair to achieve. I looked back in the mirror at my hair. I wanted my daughter’s hair. In fact, the more people I saw, the more I wanted their hair and not my own. I wanted their soft texture, their curl pattern; their everything. I started thinking about my hair care regime. I put in work for my hair to look the way it does! I properly wash and condition it every 1-2 weeks, I moisturize it, I twist it (which takes time) and I re-twist my hair every night to get the look I’m going for. I found myself wishing that I didn’t have to do all of this in order for my hair to have the finished look I wanted. I finally became so fed up that I put flat twists in my hair to give myself a psychological break.

I took them out two days later still not liking my hair. Where was this coming from? One word – disappointment.

Disappointment often comes from unmet expectations. I was disappointed that my hair wasn’t able to be manipulated into the vision I had in my mind. How many times have we looked at someone else’s hair and thought to ourselves “I love her hair!?” What we are really saying is that we want her hair. “Her” could be anyone and in my case, it was my daughter’s hair. Shame on me. I was coveting the hair of my little 8 month old daughter, with its silky texture, easy manageability and cute curls. I started thinking about the hair textures of other natural women I knew and wondering why my hair couldn’t be more like theirs. I felt like my three-year old daughter sulking in the corner when I tell her she can’t watch Treehouse. It was very childish and immature but it’s what I felt. Once my pity-party was over I looked in the mirror.

There is a confrontation that occurs when women decide to go natural. We are confronted by the appearance of our hair – the texture, the curl pattern, the way the light hits the strands, the colour, the density, etc. etc. But that’s just the surface. The emotion that goes along with natural hair is real and sometimes raw. We remember how we may have been made fun of when we were younger by children of either our same ethnicity or other ethnicities, for having nappy, kinky hair. Or when young girls with the more desirable curly hair textures were liked or seen more attractive than those with tightly coiled hair. And if you’re single there may be some doubt as to whether a man will find you attractive with your big curly hair over a woman with straight and sleek hair. And don’t get me started on feelings of insecurity and acceptance in the workplace with your natural hair, especially if you work with individuals who are Caucasian.

Lastly, what about your own feeling of being attractive as you begin to embrace your natural hair after being told in subtle (and not so subtle) ways that it wasn’t beautiful? The psychological toll can be enormous. Maybe it’s just me that felt some of these emotions stirring in me when I looked into the mirror when I did the big chop about 3 years ago, and again recently.

But I don’t think so.

These reasons, and so many more, are why many women opt to wear wigs, weaves and braids before they go natural, or while they are natural. They have no idea what to expect from the hair, how to manage it, and the emotion that can come from embracing who they truly are. In essence, they’re not ready for the confrontation and to be honest, I don’t blame them.

So here I was looking in the mirror, and seeing something different than what I’d seen over the past 2 1/2 years of being natural. I didn’t love my hair at this moment in time and I realized that this was okay. I realized that it didn’t mean I didn’t accept who I was or what God gave me; it meant that I was having a bad hair day and probably didn’t feel good about myself at this moment for a number of reasons and this played out in how I felt about my hair. I realized for me that loving my hair is a dynamic process. I will not love it at every moment in time and that’s okay. I understood that for the look I wanted my hair to achieve, I had to put more work in and that’s okay. The great thing about textured hair is that it is so malleable and workable; it can be styled and manipulated into almost any position imaginable. I settled on the fact that my wash n’ go style would result in big hair with tight s-shaped curls and that was okay and I would rock the style with confidence. Lastly, I accepted that my hair texture is what it is and I would need to fully embrace it if I am going to truly experience being natural. I realized that with proper hair care I’ve been able to achieve the softness and manageability I never thought possible, based on the texture and appearance of my hair.

One day I was speaking to a young woman at the church I attend about her natural hair. I was telling her that I was looking at her hair for a long time and secretly coveting her curls and hair texture. What she said next surprised me. She told me that while I was wishing I had her hair texture, she was wishing she had mine!

We all go through periods of time where we don’t feel or look the way we want to. We’ve all wished we had what someone else had, even when what we have is beautiful! Wearing our hair natural is a journey full of ups and downs, excitement and nervous tension. It can be frustrating and amazing at the same time. Loving our hair requires action on our part. We have to put in work both emotionally and practically to do so and we need to fully embrace our hair with all of its strengths and perceived weaknesses in order to truly accept it in its natural state. We think the grass is always greener on the other side, but if you take the time to water yours, it will be green too.

How do you truly feel about your hair?

97 Chime in!:

keisha billups said...

I had a moment this morning. My hair is fine and thin. It really shows on freshly washed and conditioned hair. I never like it on the first day after a wash. I was late for work today trying to get it to do what I know it wont do. I do have curl envy, but I love my curls. I just have to accept them and work with what I have.

Q said...

I feel like we are all envious at times of everything we don't have. The most compliments I get are from White people wishing they had my hair and a few years ago I would have gave anything to have their hair. But then I stopped perming, stopped putting the braids in and let me hair just do its thing. Its was tough at first but as I came to learn about MY hair, I realized that I could have any type of hair I wanted, if I put in the time and efford to style it right and thats when I fell in love with it. I love my hair truely because of its versatility. Of course I have my days where I can't stand the way it looks but thats when I picck up the phone make a hair appointment with a trusted friend and switch it up for a few days to take a break and the beauty in that is that my hair is still ME no chemicals or weaves required

mzcnnd said...

I completely understand where you're coming from. My hair is a combination of 3c and 4a. It's soft, thin and very cottony, except around my hairline where my curls are very small and tight. I've never liked having "nappy" edges! This goes back to years of having pressed, relaxed or texturized hair and the desire for the straightest, sleekest edges possible. I never minded having "curly" hair, as long as my curls were soft and silky and I could make me some Michael Jacksons ("baby hair"). S curl provided that look for me. People would say, "You can wear your hair like that 'cause you have good hair." I would grin because that's the look I was going for, but I would think to myself "If I had good hair I wouldn't need to put anything in it!". Yeah, I cringe when I think about using the term "good hair" and the mindset that my hair wasn't good until I put chemicals in it! But it's been ingrained in me from my early days sitting between my mother's knees on Saturday night, white knuckled fingers clinching her leg while she put that hot iron down on that kitchen, obliterating every nap in sight! At 50-something, it makes me sad to know what a job has been done to our self esteem simply because our hair is different. The white-washing of Black folk. Our need to fit in. I'm proud that Madame CJ Walker got her hustle on and became a millionaire, but I'm sad that from way back we learned to desire straight, silky hair. I used to think that if I went natural, my hair would look like Cree Summer or Holly Robinson. The first time I saw my own naturally texturized hair, I was like, "Damn, this ish is nappy!". Surprise! You're a black woman, with black hair. Nothing wrong with that. It's not good. it's not bad. It's just hair. Even on those days when mine doesn't do what I want it to do, I still love it. 'Cause it's different. It's so unique. No one else has this hair. And I just wish it hadn't taken me all these years to figure that out. So, I hope you'll learn to love your hair and appreciate that it's beautiful just the way it is!

Pecancurls said...

Today at this very moment .....yes I do hate what my hair is doing (not so much the hair itself :) ). I posted yestereday in response to the article about moisture ----I've been having a hard time maintaining it lately. So yes, I am still dealing with this dryness and my hair just won't cooperate with products and a routine that had worked so well in the past. While I do not like the way it is treating me right now, I still love it overall. So, she and I will start anew tomorrow and see if we can get on the same page again.

kitka82 said...

Right now, like right this second? I wish the top of my hair was longer and I could get rid of these friggin mullet layers LOL. And I kinda want some color, but I don't want to risk the health of my hair since I like it blown out a couple times a year. But overall, I love the softness and volume of my hair. Lately, my twistouts and my wash and gos have been McBangalangin (tm).

Brooke B. said...

I have a love hate relationship with my hair sometimes, especially when I see someone wearing a cute hairstyle & I try to recreate it on my hair & it doesn't turn out good. Then I have to get the tangles out of my hair from trying to do something different, when I tell myself afterwards I should have just stuck with my twist. Which is why I had done a new hairstyle in the first place cause I was bored with the twist. When I end up over maniupulating my hair it makes for an even hard detangling session on wash day & it makes me despise my hair even more & I want to cut it off. So now when I see a new hairstyle I try to remind myself of the aftermath & I come back to my senses, my hair knows what it likes & I just have to listen.

Brooke B.

Earthtones Naturals said...

Yeah I hear you! I love my twist outs and I decided to try something different. It didn't come out the way I expected. The style didn't look bad but it wasn't what I wanted. But I learned to really like it and then went back to the twist out style afterwards

Earthtones Naturals said...

I love the twist outs too! I'm learning that for predictability with my style I need to keep doing them.

Bernadette Kennedy said...

For the most part I love my hair -- I generally wear it in twists, which is easy for my lifestyle (and therefore it looks the same every day! No chance for a disappointment!). It takes a lot of time to detangle & twist -- which gets frustrating (that's when I start yanking at my hair)! After the big chop 3 years ago, I've had to change up my routine to make it easier for me to deal with!

My hair is a fuzzy mess at this moment -- I've had it in twists for over 3 weeks. It's definitely in need of a wash. But, I don't mind stepping out with fuzzy hair. (The white folks at my job actually think my hair looks cool.)

I do find it hard to achieve the perfect braid out (or style in general)-- that's generally when I start longing for easier to style hair. Like Brooke B below, I'm always trying to recreate styles. And they never turn out right! They are usually a total FAIL.

So, I guess my frustration stem from the actual maintenance of my hair -- the detangling and twisting and the inability to create cute styles when I want to.

Lord-Erica Eeea said...

i had never doubted my love for my hair. i waited to go natural like young girls are taught to wait for a relaxer. I was excited, scared, and most of all ready.
Recently, a long time love of a differing race distanced himself from me after some professional photos of my big ol' 'fro were on display. it stung because i knew dispite all previous reassurances it was his persecption of my hair that clinched it for him. I dont blame my hair, but it still hurts. http://goddessfoto.tumblr.com/post/22577450121/ohhhmmmmmmmmmm-arekah-the-goddess-photography

Lord-Erica Eeea said...

i found the flyest simple hair style to do with my twists- turn it into a halo of flat twists at the edge of the hairline all the way around my head. pin it in place. instant timelessness.

Taylor said...

I'm nt very fond of what my hair has been doing lately, but I cant be too upset. Its my fault my hair doesn't act right; I had damaged it for so long with heat, tiny combs and constant manipulation in the past. I'm surprised I'm not bald yet! When the damage is mostly gone I will begin a new kind of love /hate relationship. (But I get sooo jealous of naturals posting their hair journies! Its like their hair got fabulous in 5 mins lol!)

'Chone said...

i like my hair. I like the look i get when I style it, the confidence it gives me. it makes me feel beautiful and im happy to know that i dont have to go to the salon in order to have my hair look good. I can style it myself. i also feel great knowing that i can manage my hair without a relaxer :) but i admit that my hair texture is not what I expected and there are days where i wish i could just go to sleep without having to spend an hour doing my hair but seeing the improvement of my hair and how far i'v come really makes me appreciate my hair and the time iv spent figuring out how to manage it.

kwnatural said...

I love my hair, but there are days when I wish I had other folks' hair, like Naptural85, MahoganyCurls, and MahoganyKnots. It seems like they can do most anything with their hair and it looks great. I'm a WNG girl, but I would love to wear TO's and BO's. Everytime I try those styles, my hair looks flat, thin, and thirsty... epic FAIL! When I WNG, my hair is full and curly. I embrace WNG and my hair is growing, so I'm trying to be happy. There are just days when I want something different.

Erika A. said...

I love my hair overall. The things I dislike I did myself. I colored my hair and chopped some bangs-worse decisions ever. I'm envious of my old dark brown, even length hair. I also dislike the shrinkage I suffer from in this humidity, yuck. I somethimes wish for super long, looser curls, but that's not going to happen. Just have to be happy with the head of hair I was blessed with & try more twist-outs for length.

Ambee said...

I
love my natural hair. Sometimes when I have a hard time getting a comb through
my tangles, my mother would comment, get a relaxer and I'm like no. I refuse to
get one no matter how difficult it is doing my hair. I believe that I have it
good going natural because I can practically wear my hair in any style. I
hold curls well and if I wanted to go straight, I can without getting relaxer. Right
now, its looking a bit rough. Sometimes I feel so exhausted being a single
mother taking care of an energetic 1 year old that I don't have time to do it.
But believe it or not, its so easy to do! less maintenance!

Cassandra [C.] said...

Sometimes I love my hair and sometimes I don't. Now, what don't I like about my hair?: 1.) the fact that i stopped relaxing 3 years ago, but only have 6 inches of hair. 2.) the fact that I keep cutting my hair almost every month or 2 because of "dry, damaged ends" [in reality they were fine] 3.) not knowing the difference between damaged hair and hair that just needs to be moisturized. 4.) go-to hairstyles that no longer work. 5.) the fact that my crown is almost 2 inches shorter than the rest of my hair so my styles tend to look janky.
However, I like the fullness of my hair and all the unsolicited compliments that I receive.

***p.s. i may be late, but i love the new layout. AND we can add pix :-) too cool****

Cassandra [C.] said...

I can relate. All of my issues are things that I have done myself. I have colored my own hair twice in a month, and I cut my hair too much , but then complain that it wont grow 0_0. The only thing I did not do was the crown damage, it's the result of a botched relaxer when I was in middle school.

But at least you know what you did, so you can avoid making the same mistake again.

CurlieQutie said...

I love my hair. I'm very proud of my curls. Yes, of course there are times when everyone experiences a "bad hair day" - when it seems not to cooperate. Regardless, I still love my hair. It's mine and what God placed and numbered on my head. Currently, I am wearing braids (taking out a set to give my hair a break then considering yarn braids instead of synthetic for the next set). However, I'm not wearing braids because I'm trying to hide my hair or don't like/love it. While I love my texture, I also love short hair. Braids keep me from cutting my hair as I'm letting it grow. I'll trim and/or dust the ends, but resisting the urge to keep it short. So far it's working lol! Again, love how my curls look and the feel of my hair... now ask me about the grays that keep coming? Though sporadic throughout my hair, I'm still trying to get used to and accept it... I'm only 35.

BraidsnTwists said...

There are days I absolutely love my hair. And then there are days when I hate it. Those days are usually when I see someone with a style that I can't duplicate on my fine hair. Or when I'm having a bad hair week where nothing is turning out right and my hair just looks a mess...those are the times I wish for someone else's hair. But since I've finally found the staple products that my hair loves I've had a much better attitude about my hair.

DiscoveringNatural said...

Since I started transitioning, I absolutely love my hair! I just like the little suprises I get on wash days and also the ability to style it in different ways. When I get bad days, I can still wear a hat and let my hair peek through and show herself a corner.. still loving it even on bad days.

ChayB said...

This article is so on time for me as this is exactly how I was feeling yesterday! I have been transitioning for the last 6 months and recently BC'd 2 weeks ago, and after 2 separate go to style attempts over the weekend which both resulted in failure, I reached an all time low and almost threw in towel. Thanks to the encouragment and support from my fam and the CN community, I've decided to stick it out. Absolutely loving my curls today! Thanks for the inspiration CN!

Caramelcurls said...

I have to say that as a 10 month natural, most days I feel like it is one of the BEST decisions that I have made. I never, ever received so may compliments on my hair when I was relaxed, nor was my hair as healthy as it is now. When I was relaxed my hair was long, but my nape and edges were thinning because of the chemical.

With that said, I do have moments when I dread the "wash day" process and twisting every night. I'm also learning how much the weather can impact natural hair and have started to pay attention to the weather channel before I leave the house. lol I can't tell you how frustrating is to spend x amount of time styling your hair, and then you step outside and it goes ballistic.

I must admit that I do sometimes yearn for true wash and go hair because to put it simply, it takes less time to manage, BUT I have learned to work with God has given me and enjoy this journey!

CurvyCurly said...

When I first big chopped I was disappointed in the fact my hair did not have uniform curls throughout. It was such a learning experience not only trying to find out what products my hair liked or disliked but also discovering when you have numerous textures often times you have to learn different styling techniques to produce a consistent outcome/style.
I never hated my hair but just had to take the time to learn and appreciate it which developed my love for it!

Hilary B. said...

At this point in my 'hair journey,' -- and it definitely is a trip no doubt about it --- I can honestly say I love my hair. I transitioned for exactly a year using braids (2 sets) and blowouts in between 'cause I found it difficult to blend the two textures. I went a year without really seeing my natural hair, which was hard to do since I was constantly reading about how to care for it, reading reviews, watching tutorials, etc. I was really excited and prepared to start playing in my hair and to learn how to care for it (bought a denman, shea butter, and coconut oil 2 months into transitioning, lol). I cut off the relaxed ends two months ago so i'm still in the honeymoon period I guess. I'm sure i'll experience some setbacks and apathy in the future, but right now I'm just happy to experiment and figure out a routine that works for me.

Bridget said...

I love being natural but it can be frustrating at times when I can't get my hair to 'behave'. It seems whenever I finally get a set regimen, something happens (e.g. hair growth, change in thickness or porosity) and my usual products no longer yield the same results. Then, back to the drawing board I go to figure out a new regimen and/or experiment with different products. I am, however, learning to accept and embrace the ever evolving process of my hair journey.

Msneeta said...

Thanks for this article. I can't say I hate my hair, but I do have those hair envy days. I struggle with getting my hair to look the way I want it to on a particular day - especially at work. It just never seems to look nice. My hair tends to do what it wants, and I need to learn to accept it. Right now, I am wearing braid extensions. Sadly, I've receive several compliments with the braids. Didn't receive anything with my natural hair. I've decided to do this for a few months, then go back to wearing my natural hair. Maybe a little more growth will help.

Megan Montgomery said...

I had a love and hate relationship with my natural hair. Sometimes it does not want to corporate. I use to love wash n's go's but ever since my hair grew out knots and dryness if I stretch it to seven days instead of five weird I know that's my hair gotta love it. But I did want looser curls instead of 3c/4a but learned to embrace them and love them, every coil, curl and frizz everytime.

Megan Montgomery

LM said...

I love my hair, but just like with any other relationship, we have our ups and downs lol. My hair has a mind of its own, and everyday . If I get a lovely, curly twist out today, it will be sticking up all over the place with straight ends tomorrow. I am only 11 months natural so I have alot left to learn, but I have also learned alot and am learning more about my hair and what it needs everyday. As long as I keep it healthy, it treats me ok lol.

Foxyrou said...

Wow! I'm glad you finally came to terms with your natural hair texture. Hating even one aspect of oneself can destroy your self-esteem. I try not to covet what others have too much. This type of behavior leads to resentment, jealousy, hatred, and low self-confidence. I try to focus on my positive attributes when I'm feeling down about some aspect of my personal appearance. Eventually, I snap the hell out of it and come back down to Earth. Perhaps, my parents did a great job boosting my confidence regarding my appearance. They always told me I was beautiful and that being Black was the best thing in the world. I guess at some point, I started to believe it.


To answer your question: "I love my natural hair! Every inch of it!" I don't have silky curls. My curls are kinky, yet defined. I have a small patch around the bang area that is highly porous and more kinky and poofy, than curly. This part of my hair can be a challenge when rocking wash 'n go styles (my fav), but I've learned to work around it. When I first BC'd, I was uncomfortable with that part of my hair, but I forced myself to embrace it. I didn't hide it from the world; I rocked it with pride! Now, I don't give a sh** what others think of that part of my hair. People stare at me all the time and give me disapproving looks, but I keep my head up and shrug it off. I love my hair! That is all that matters to me! :D

T. said...

"Then I have to get the tangles out of my hair from trying to do something different, when I tell myself afterwards I should have just stuck with my twist. Which is why I had done a new hairstyle in the first place cause I was bored with the twist. When I end up over maniupulating my hair it makes for an even hard detangling session on wash day."


Are you me? This is my story every 3 or 4 weeks. I've figured out that switching up the size of my twists (minis for three weeks, chunky ones for a week or two, etc.) helps because different size twists give different looks and different styling options.

Earthtones Naturals said...

Thanks for your post and yes, I am a Christian and am embracing my God-given hair. Don't get me wrong - I don't "hate" my hair; that was likely a strong verb to use. I felt an lack of appreciation for my hair at the time after loving it for so long. I tried another style and it didn't work out the way I wanted it to. I've definitely when resisting the urges the covet other people's hair by working with my texture and everything its able to do. I honestly do love my hair but at the time of this post I was not impressed with it. It was a brief moment of loathing on my part. Thanks for the words of encouragement and the resources. Stay blessed!

krysti888 said...

i don't hate my hair, I'm just over it.

krysti888 said...

P.s. i've been natural for 10 years

Unclouded_path said...

I love such honest and candid thoughts. Thanks for sharing. It's refreshing to know you can admit to yourself and others the types of emotions associated with accepting yourself completely.

Decia said...

I really like my natural hair but it's a lot of work. It doesn't always look how I want it to look after I've spent a good bit of time styling it. (I'm talking to you dry twist out) I also don't like that I'm not good at styling my hair outside of a regular twist out or a wash and go. Buns are cute, but not easy and a little repetitive. Sometimes I just want something different that I can do myself. So while natural hair is versatile, it ain't easy.

Marie said...

At this moment I feel I have failed my inner natural diva. At this moment I do not like the way she is shrinking and tonight I decided to flat iron her and roll her up with flexible rods. I'm so disappointed at this moment. I've worn it natural since 7/11/12..six days later I just had to put some heat on her. I've been doing Bantu knots and then wearing them out..miday..I have white residue and MAJOR shrinkage!

roo08 said...

natural hair will definitely be frustrating if you spend time forcing it to do what it can't. I'm still learning to accept shrinkage, frizz, ssk's...etc. As long as my hair is healthy in the long run, it's my main goal.

Anne said...

I know this may sound a bit contrived, but it doesn't sound like you like your hair in its natural state, because you exist so much energy to get a twist out 4a / type 3 type look, which your hair doesn't naturally have. You talk about spending all this excess energy which you don't want to do. Why don't you find less time consuming styles to do? Lady keys natural hair page is very good. It seems that a lot of kinky's want to be curlies, but you need to accept that you are black and your hair isn't that. All the twist outs in the world won't change that.

sassybutclassy said...

when i was younger about 7 or 8 i started going to public school. i had never had a relaxer much less knew what one was. my mom didn't know how to do my hair (she had a relaxer but i had no knowledge of that, frankly because i wasn't very interested in knowing that face) and she often styled my hair is what is commonly referred to a s"doodoo braids". my school mates (only the black ones) actually ridiculed me by using that phrase to describe my hair. it didn't really effect me because it's not like they mattered. fast forward 4 years i'm in the 5th grade and i still live in plaits in cornrows but now the comments are more inventive and creative and they hurt more. i cried a lot in the time between 4th grade and 7th grade because i was constantly told that i needed a perm and i needed to get my hair done. but now i'm in high school. is still get comments about me needing a perm, but they don't phase me. the compliments are more plentiful than the insults. sometimes i contemplate getting a relaxer but i think that;s normal for most people. people with straight hair contemplate getting a perm to get curl. people with curly hair contemplate relaxer. it's normal i think. but i always comeback to terms with myself when i ask myself this q:are you willing to compromise your individuality and conform to :the norm" just to be able to run a bush through you hair dry? my answer is always hell to the naw.
i think we all go through times where we are unhappy with what we have in general but it's important to see the beauty and individuality in our gifts, and own that. if you don't see it you can't expect other to.
wow i didn't mean to ramble lol but yes ^_^

Loni said...

I'm not sure where you're going with the "you are black and your hair isn't that". Black people have all sorts of textures from 3s to 4s. Twisting her hair maybe more manageable then wearing it in it's natural state. I have a mixture of 3b, 3c and maybe some 4a hair and i am black and twist my hair because i like the styles i can do with it. Hair is hair people can do whatever they want with it.

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Kayla Witherspoon said...

It's good to know I'm not the only natural out there who has gone through this stage. I used to hate my texture, my tight kinky coils, the perceived lack of growth, and how inflexible my hair was in terms of trying different styles besides the barely defined twist out. Retwisting my hair every night made my hands hurt, my neck always got stiff, and taking them out every morning added 20 minutes to my routine. But I grew to love my curls, and to be patient with my hair. I used to hate my hair. Now I love it so much I almost want to give it a name.

Anne said...

My point is she is black and shes not a type 3. I never said black people couldn't have different textures, so u can get off ur high horse about that. I really don't need some idiot on the internet, who is getting rilled up over nothing giving me a lecture on the diversity of black people's hair. She is the one saying shes hates her hair so obviously what she is doing now isn't working. I was putting forward other ideas/

Anne said...

My point is that she is black and she falls into the type 4 range. I don't need some idiot who likes to get offended giving me a lecture on the diversity of black hair. At what point did I say she couldn't do what she wants with her hair? She is the one saying she doesn't like her hair, so obviously what she is doing now isn't working. I was putting forward new ideas.

Anne said...

Also my mother is type 2 and black so your whole '
Black people have all sorts of textures from 3s to 4s' spiel is also crap. Maybe you need to learn about the diversity of black hair

Earthtones Naturals said...

Hi Anne,


Thanks so much for the ideas about me accepting my hair. I've loved my hair for a very long time but at the time of me writing this post I was not feeling it. Hate was a strong verb to use but it's how I was feeling at the time, not how I feel about my hair most of the time. I've tried many different looks with my hair throughout my time being natural and the one I settled on and enjoyed wearing the most was the twist out. I don't really subscribe to hair typing per se and I'm really not concerned if I'm an A, B, C or F! I just know that my hair is very thick with looser curls towards the front and tighter curls towards the back and they are "s" shaped. Knowing this allows me to choose the proper moisturizers and defining products for my hair. I tried something different with my wash n' go and it didn't look how I wanted it to look. Not bad, just not what I expected. My twist outs look great and I'll continue with that style and try different things for maintaining. I fully accept what my hair is and isn't and as I mentioned in the post, loving your hair is a continuous process. There will be days when you don't like what it's doing and days when you do. This was one period of time in a long time where I just wasn't feeling it.

Nikell said...

At the moment, my hair and I aren't getting along. I had major breakage and it's making my transition a little hard. I don't think I get "curl envy" but I get "thickness envy" I see gorgeous twist outs and wash and go's and I can't do them. Not only do I have breakage, but I was diagnosed with a skin condition which caused a lot of my hair to fall out at the top of my head. I'd big chop but I'd look like a balding old man from the back. I know it gets better with time. I've already cried about it. So the next step is to move on and find what works. In other words, the pity party is over. So for now, my half wig has been my best friend...that and a lot of prayer (^_^)

Jacinta W said...

When starting out in my transition, I absolutely hated my hair mostly because I couldn't get a goog routine down and simply did not know what to do with my hair. It also didn't help with comments from family members asking me 'What the hell is going on with your hair". Now that I am almost a year into my transition, have created a working regimen, and caring for my hair I am absolutely loving it! Can't wait until my BC to really discover my hair

Luvin Lyfe said...

I get really tired of my hair too! Not because its too thick or kinky but its too thin and streight. My hair is more like puffy than curly. cant do braid outs, I get a really puffy wave at best. I have a co-worker also natural with the thick kinky curly hair I would love to style, and she always says "I wouldnt have a problem if I had your hair" we have come to the conclusion that the grass is always greener on the other side!

nightjoule said...

thank you for this post. i am currently timidly transitioning and here is my dirty little secret: i am terrified that once i take these twists out i will hate my hair. I've barely even admitted that to myself but its the truth. I've sort of fallen into the idea of natural hair. perms destroy my hair. i had it texturized for the past 2 or so years which was easier on my hair, but it eventually started breaking. I've finally come to the conclusion that i should finally listen to my hair and stop putting chemicals in it. i don't like having my hair in weaves or braids for long periods of time, however, so that leaves me with my natural hair (dun dun dunnnnn!). i have to thank all you natural ladies for giving me the courage to even consider going natural. i've been reading blogs and watching videos to slowly learn how to take care of my hair once i take out these twists. there is that thought in the back of my mind, though, what if i don't like it? what if i can't manage it? what if its just a big poofy mess instead of fabulous like everyone else? I'm pretty sure i have type 4b/4c hair and have always regarded it as unmanageable. i am kind of excited too though. i realized i haven't seen hair in its natural state for so long, i can't truly remember what its like. i took out some of the hair in the middle and back out of the twists so i have some patches where i can feel my own hair. its actually kind of exciting as I'm playing around with potential products and regimens to feel how my hair reacts. example: instant difference when i began moisturizing my hair! hahaha. in the end, i think i will end up loving my hair (i hope! lol). but its nice to know that I haven't imagined the 'confrontation' i'll have with my hair when i finally stare it down in a mirror for the first time in years.

hunnybun said...

When I first went natural I felt guilty because instead of loving my hair I was disappointed. It shrunk up a lot and was not as long as i thought it would be. Also it was not as loose and my dreams of 3c curls were just that, a dream. Also I got way too caught up with other peoples hair and doing exactly what they did to get their results. With time I learnt to accept my hair but it's great that you were brave enough to come out and speak the truth- acceptance does not come overnight.

Jesus-in-the-City said...

Hi Earthtones!
I'm sorry for not being more clearly descriptive about the reason for my post. I didn't think you literally hated your hair and the post wasn't directed toward you personally. It was more like a general retort to anyone who might truly feel that way based on the conversation you opened up with your post and also the piece I read on another website the night before.

All hair types and textures have good hair days and bad. Hoping much more hair appreciation days in the future!

Love,
Aja

RunDownMomma said...

I really love the freedom of having my hair natural. I have been this way for 4 years now. But I also have 3 children under the age of 6 now, and it is just getting harder and harder to take care of it the way that I would like to. I'm tired of the comments about it's not working anymore. Just had a baby, and quite honestly I think a relaxer would be an easy break. I've already made the appointment. Yet still I'm terrified of ending this relationship with MY hair. Please help! I desperately would like some encouragement before my time is up.

Anonymous said...

Aw, don't give up. Especially if you're not 100% for it (b/c you may end up resenting the decision). If you want another easy break, why not get some extensions? There are so many choices (kinky twist, yarn braids/twist, fishtail braids, braided in a bun, Senegalese twists, etc); and it'll give you sometime to really decide what you want. Or would you consider a hair cut? Many people (like my mom) find shorter hair easier to manage or that it requires less styling time. Good luck.

Anonymous said...

I love my hair. Although, to be honest, I sometimes get "slickness" envy. My hair is so thick, which is great, but it's a real struggle to get it into a bun and gosh - achieving a SMOOTH one is 3x as hard. Nevertheless, there are still countless, cool things my hair CAN do... just not a simple, smooth bun lol. You win some, you lose some.

Ihatemyhair.com said...

I currently hate my hair. It could be for alot of reasons. But I have uber kinky thick coarse hair. It appears no products work for me. My hair looks unkept and I dont like rocking the afro. At least not everyday. Most of these women are curly. In any case, I cant do my hair. I never could. I think thats the problem, and going natural is expensive for my hair type. Which I didn't know. But ive tried everything and I can afford a stylist. But with all the products ive bought I proably could have.My hair looks like a hot mess every day. The only good thing about it, is that its rare, and a true testament to my pure african roots, says my dad and is resistance to white supremacy. But other than that going natural sucks for me. Maybe partly because i had a white girl up bringing and never did my hair any way. Stylist did. So I feel like a white girl thrown into a chocolate girl's body and hair. I have no clue!

Candi said...

When I transitioned it was because I was envying my mom's natural hair. Her hair is curly, very thick, grows quickly and looks shiny and healthy. My hair was relaxed by my sister from the time I was eleven years old because our mom wasn't around at the time and she got tired of combing it. So she relaxed it, styled it for a couple months and then told me "learn to comb your own hair". Then at age 25 I decided when I reach my mom's age I would revert to natural hair, the prospect excited me and also a lot of people around me were reverting to natural hair. I got anxious, lost the zeal to get another relaxer and just let my hair grow. Eventually combing the natural and relaxed ends became tedious and I just cut the ends off. I felt so UGLY!!! My hair was nothing much like my mom's and I have two definite textures that just don't mix. My crown grows long and wavy the rest of my hair grows slow and coily...ugh! But like my mom my hair grows fast and it's growing. I am clueless when it comes to styling. Tried wash and gos but my hair is so thick it and I hate big hair. Plus the products available to me were jus being sucked up by my hair. Now that my hair has grown a lot more I wear a puff...every. single. day. I braid sometimes and I'm yet to perfect the twist-out. Recently I've been getting relaxer pangs but I refuse to give up on my hair. I long for the day it's shoulder length because I feel like I will be able to do more with it then.

Rachel said...

I hate my hair. I think I always will. I'm not African American. My hair grows down and it curls in any which way from 2A to 3B and it's baby fine. I have to wash the thing everyday or else I end up looking like Johnny Depp with an brushed out afro (greasy and frizzy and poufy - wait like the mad hatter). It's frankly a mess. It's always been that way no matter what I do. If I want to look even semi decent I have to blow dry it. I don't straighten it. I dry it to almost dry and twist it so it ends up uniformly wavy. It's a pain.

JL said...

I love my hair...now. I quit getting perms three years ago and for a long time I wore braids because I still didnt know what to do with my hair. Then I discovered twists! They have saved my life and I can do a twist out each week, or do different things with them in. Even after three years I am barely getting comfortable doing different styles...One step at a time, and each day my love grows. I will NEVER go back to perming the life out of my hair.

Donna Ramsay. said...

I love this story, My honest true i love my hair, but some days i want to cry, just getting it done. too thick.

Running Natural said...

I loved your candid comment. And it really touched me. You know, for many "going natural" is a movement. But you have to really consider whether it's right for your lifestyle and more importantly, your peace of mind. If your political and social agenda trumps your negative feelings about your hair, then stay natural. But if you can't seem to stamp down those feelings every day, then you need to consider something else. Texlaxing perhaps may be a nice middle ground. It still allows you to embrace your texture while being more manageable. Whatever you decide, your attitude and love of yourself as you walk down the street, determines how beautiful black really is. Keep your head up girl! Thanks again for your post!

Anonygon said...

Yes ma'am to #5. Also, I'm mad that my hair is too frakking short to bun my twists. I WANT TO BUN MY DANG TWISTS. Thank you, that is all.

Jewels said...

sweet girl, your hair is beautiful, i haven't seen it but i know the one who created it made it beautiful, remember life and death are in the power of your tongue, the more you hate and speak bad things about your hair, it takes root but the more you speak beauty into your hair it becomes that and even reverses the bad words you sowed into it in the past. lets keep our words beautiful for that is the best hair product ever! peace!!

angela said...

Beautiful post!!! :)

c.w said...

try getting protein treatments or other conditioning treatments

TITIMIMI said...

I was always ridiculed for not having a relaxer/perm as a child in school. Even now at 25 people still make comments.....The rudest was running into someone I hadn't seen since the 6th grade. This person screams not exaggerating oh my God!!! I remember back when (insert name) used to tell you, you needed to go get a perm!! Points and laughs. -_- I was thinking to myself really??!! Is this women.. this GROWN women really doing this in the mall in front of all these people. I just smiled at her said it's good to see you and kept it moving. I can say that in my experience I used to really get down. I grew up on the white side of town and was out of place. Yet at school all the black children made my life miserable because I didn't have a relaxer/perm. It's sooo petty. Keep your head up as you have been and love yourself. I am proud of my puff, It has attitude just like me. ^_^

Ing said...

WOW, did you just mirror what I feel or what?!?!? That's crazy! When I did the big chop 2 years ago trust me I had my reservations. My daughter told me to go for it and as I looked in the bathroom mirror with her sitting at my side I cut it all off! Having had a relaxer most of my adult life it wasn't easy when I looked at myself in the mirror with a head of ahem napps! I quickly colored it and because I didn't know what products to use yet I just put in some conditioner and went about my business. Did I mention it was my birthday the day I chopped it! It was a revolution, no more perms, no more $100 hairdos, no more Saturday salon appts! I was done. Even now that my hair is growing in different areas and the texture being different I still love my hair. Sure I don't get the same looks for guys that I used to when it was fried within an inch of it's life with relaxer but you know what...THEIR LOSS! My back is straight, my stride is that of a supermodel, and I never felt better. I can workout without worries and guess what....LET IT RAIN!!!!!! Thanks for reading...;)

Keonna said...

I absolutely LOVE your photos!! Beautiful & sexy. You sd be proud! I'm sorry your friend cd not appreciate your natural beauty. Keep your head up because someone will see the authentic you and adore her.

Thinandcurly said...

I hate my hair too! Everybody here complains about having thick kinky hair, well I'm here to tell you I would die for it. I have wavy thinning hair and it is stringy and see through. Sometimes I get depressed looking at everyone's thick gorgeous hair that covers their scalp while I desperately fluff, scrunch,diffuse upside down and purposely create frizz just to cover my scalp.

SoldierGirl02 said...

I am actually surrised that my hair isnt as bad as I thought. The first time I went natural I was deployed to Iraq. I had no choice but to face my natural self. Black men were the biggest critics of natural while I was their. Other races of women basked in the attention they got with all the black chics looking "broke down". That could affect self esteem and then my white roommate reminded me I was in a war zone and I was being ridiculous. Returning to the states my command wasnt feeling my "unkept" hair. I was told it didnt present a neat military appearance. At this point I had no idea how to care for natural so I started wearing braids, weaves, and lace fronts. Two years later I had a baby and my husband deployed. Sitting in a braid shop for 6 hours wasnt an option - nor getting my weaved for about 3 hours. I was faced with rocking natural hair for the first time in 3 years. This time I did research on yutube and bought a book The Science of Black hair. I researched every product before I bought it and paid attention to consumer reviews than the product description. My hair looks different from the cotton patch I had in Iraq! Its kinky but it is moisturized and coils are defined. Do I hate my hair? No. My husband however hates natural hair. He comes home in December....we will see what happens.

TrueSelf said...

Well done you! I sincerely hope that when your husband returns you'll manage to stand firm, face the battle and with your best UN skills win him over to achieve peace (with as few casualties as possible) ;-)

Gail said...

I have been dealing with a lot of hate of my hair right now. I have been natural for 4 years next week and tho having length is nice, the pain I get from having to wash, condition, detangle for HOURS and twist is horrible. I have soo much pain in my fingers and hands that I have to stick to wigs as I need my hands to work. And yes, as much as texture is something women don't like to talk about, unfortunately for me, it has really been the reason I am struggling with my hair. I am just being candid, but the amount of time I waste just doing my hair is ridiculous and often I can't finish doing my hair because I am in excruciating pain after just 3 or 4 twists. I have moments where I want to shave my head again but I don't like short hair on my face and I don't want to relax ever again but I am weighing whether it would be a better option for me and for my work as I have to decide whether to preserve my hand for work so I don't get penalized for not keeping up on the job or break them just to do my hair. Natural hair salons are very expensive and stylists tend to be very impatient with 4c hair. It's become so frustrating. I would love hair that 3c/4a girls have, point blank. They have been blessed with hair that makes a difference in time spent to do your hair. Going natural truly is wonderful but reality is it no longer has been a blessing or priority for me. I have to focus on work to pay bills and right now doing my natural hair consists of just washing my braids and fast conditioning. I may detangle a few braids that I have the strength for so that my hair doesn't get matted, and then remoisturize and put my wig back on. I have had to rearrange my whole life for my hair a wish it didn't have to be this difficult.

Tia said...

Thank you so much for writing this article! Everything you pointed out is how I'm feeling about my hair lately, especially seeing so many beautiful natural women and wondering why my hair doesn't look as bouncy and curly and thick and shiny as theirs. I'm hoping this feeling shall pass soon :-/

vanessa urena said...

I also hate my hair but not as much as I hated it when I used to relaxed it. The thing with it is that it is neither straight or curly. It is very, very curly from the root througth like half of the strand and then it get straight and puffy. I have been like that all my life I remember it was like that when I was little and I don't know what to do about it , to make the ends curly as well. I recently chop it off and have a a little bowl kind of thing now. the back part curl with lots of puffiness and frizz , the front part straight. I'm thinking about trying the henna treatment and lots of conditioning and see how it goes.

Kimberly KaleidoscopicSoul Eph said...

this article almost brought me to tears ... this is exactly how i feel sometimes and this is exactly y it took me soo long the make the decision to go natural im so glad for the support and all you curlies out there sharing your experiences you have no idea how much it helps an in courages people like me who are unsure and new to their natural hair

D'J said...

thank you so much for your post. i have been having this exact issue that i've been dealing with. its a struggle. especially because, ive never had a perm, and sometimes like to straighten my hair. i feel like i dont exactly fit anywhere as far as a hair category. then im only one of about 8 black coworkers in a predominantly hispanic workplace. so most of my coworkers have silky straight hair. and it gets tough with all of the rude comments. Its so good to see that I am not the only person who feels this way, and to know that sometimes I will feel like this, and sometimes I wont. I wish you could see how much you have completely blessed me with this post. thank you so much.

Yolaunda Burnett said...

I feel like you've been in my apartment for the last two years. I did 3 big chops before I finally decided to rock my fro with pride. I have tried twists - I love them but the time it takes do them is so taxing that I dont do it much - and twist outs - which dont hold in the humidity of the city I live in (Memphis, TN) but I find myself rocking my fro so much more. I love your article and when I figure out how to share it on my FB and Tumblr I will.

cutewithcurls said...

Great article! I love my hair but hate the shrinkage. Sometimes, I try to fool myself into thinking it's a cool thing, but it's not. I was also sad when I realized how much protective styling my hair needed to grow long. I am wearing my hair in twists these days. My hair and I are getting along but it's always looking to start a rebellion.

SHEscribbles said...

EXACTLY what I needed today... I've been natural for ten months now, and feel like its turned me into a "hair induced schizophrenic". Some days I feel most beautiful... other days my hair leaves me wanting to grab my key and run back into the clutches of the creamy crack. Today's rant was whether I should get a weave until it gets longer... cause surely if it were longer I wouldn't feel like THIS! (Thank you for blowing that theory out of the water.) You were on point times one thousand! Going to have to accept that like every other area of my life, some days will feel more challenging when I'm being challenged in other areas... and I guess that is permissible. Thanks again!

Bre said...

YOU GO GIRL!!!

Naturalnancy said...

I was kind of left with natural hair. No BC, and no purposefully transitioning. Explanation: I'd been getting perms and they totally ruined my hair. That plus my lack of ability to take care of my hair properly (perm hair, weave, take out after 2 months, and repeat). So the back half of my head decided it was tired and stopped growing. Even went as far as to cut to about 1 inch, while the rest of my head followed behind. So I decided to get braids, that way i can have them for a longer time, and allow my hair to grow. It kind of worked, my back hair started regrowing, and so did my front. But it was uneven so i trimmed it all to the same length as the back, (about 3 inches). Then I started sophmore year in high school, and I fell into a new routine (weave, wash hair, weave, wash hair...). Summer came and my natural hair had grown out sooo much. and my hair's a quite poofy cotton afro, (shoulder length when hot combed). My sister showed me all these youtube videos and I was convinced to just stay natural, instead of perming it like originally planned.. It's my junior year and having natural hair is incredibly inconvenient for me because I'm so busy, and not to mention I haven't worn my hair out to school for a year! so im also afraid of how people will react to it (Give me a break, it's already tough being in highschool). So I'm still weaving it up, and I don't style my natural hair. I don't know when I'll start being able to start stlyling it, although I'm excited to see what I can do with it, but I'm scared to begin that VERY long journey to mastering your hair. I'm trying to learn as much as I can, so if anyone has tips, I am willing to listen.

Fabalocious Dee said...

I absolutely hated, hated, hated my hair for the longest time. It would never set properly in a relaxer, so I could never have that silky, straight hair my family had. And I really got some shit for that, so I ended up resenting the fact that I had rough hair like my mum and not soft hair like my dad's side of the family. It was always long, though, so I do regret relaxing it - God knows the kind of glorious afro I would have had now if I didn't. My initial hatred of my hair was born from others' perception of it. When I was a child, natural hair "wasn't happening". Things have changed big time now. Now I can rock natural hair and the only people who really say anything about it are usually ignorant people I wouldn't give the time of day anyway. Now, when it comes to my hair, my own complaint is that it's not big enough. When it causes a solar eclipse, then I'll be happy.

Mixedcurlygurl said...

Kids in school used to make fun of my hair. If my hair wasn't in one plait down the back, it was in two at the sides. I got the doo doo braids
comment a LOT, and it did hurt. I can count on one hand the amount of times I was actually allowed to wear my hair out as a child. When it was blown out and pressed, everyone seemed to love it. But I was always teased because of my plaits and I felt ugly. Unfortunately, I didn't stay strong and ignore the
haters like I should have. I practically begged my mom to perm my hair.
She finally gave in when I was 12, and permed my hair faithfully every 3
months for the next 12 years. Luckily for me, she's a cosmetologist, so I didn't incur any damage from the perms. While I had the perm, I hated my natural
hair. My new growth always looked so raggedy
compared to the permed hair. I didn't feel "done" if my hair wasn't bone straight from the root. Now I wish I had never put a perm in my hair, because here I am
at 24 just getting to know my natural hair. And I never really needed a perm in the first place, it was more motivated by a desire to fit in. Now that I'm older, I could care less what other people think of my appearance. Everyone's a critic, and no matter what you do there's always going to be that negative person with nothing good to say (haters gonna hate). What matters is whether or not I'm happy with myself. I'm 3 month post my big chop, and I'm not even gonna lie, there are days when I look at myself in the mirror and wonder what the hell I was thinking when I cut off my bsl hair for this little curly afro. But in the end, this is me, un-altered, the way the good lord intended for me to look. I wasn't born with straight hair, and that's ok. Not everyone is supportive of my decision to go natural, but that's ok too. That's why I love this website. It's helped me so much with coming to terms with and caring for my natural hair. Reading other women's hair stories and realizing that I'm not alone in my experience is inspiring and keeps me strong in my decision to stay away from the creamy crack!

Risée said...

It sounds like your hair is like mine and I relate to how you feel. I have cried over my hair and been depressed because of my hair. Whenever I see pictures of natural hair and articles about natural hair no one ever seems to have hair that looks as tightly kinked as mine but if anyone has links or pictures let me know! I have been natural for 21 years now but had locks for most of that time, four years ago I cut it all off because I wanted a change, I wanted a big afro but I didn't realise that all the women I saw rocking huge 'fros or twist outs had hair that was beautiful but nothing like mine. I am only now in the last few months coming to accept and love my tight curls (Kinky/Curly Knot Today has helped) and I refuse to blow it out and risk heat damage in pursuit of the illusion of length, I am just loving my wash and go because I am learning to love me, all of me from top to toe.


Big hug from one super-kinky girl to another.

Risée said...

pic

lovely357 said...

Simply put: that is my hair story (without the children). When I started going natural 3 years ago it seemed as though I had sparked a movement. Many of friends later told me that I inspired then to go natural. Fast forward to the present and some of my friends have longer hair than me and they have found products that work for them and their hair but i'm still searching, which is very frustrating. I recently considered getting a perm but after receiving protests from natural sisters who barely know me I decided to postpone and i'm glad I did. I think I will always cycle through moments when i'm not pleased with my hair or do not feel attractive, but I suppose that's a part of life. I really enjoyed reading your post because it helped me to see that i'm not the only one who occasionally has doubts about their hair. Thank you and good luck on the rest of your hair journey. :)

BabyAfroBre said...

I don't hate my hair, I just sometimes don't understand it. I did the BC in July of '09 and my hair grew and grew into beautiful coils, well most days. I had to experiment with different products and routines and sometimes my hair would be great and other times it would look like who-shot-John. Then in the summer of 2011 my hair went through a crazy phase and started shedding and breaking off really bad. I had no idea how to go about it and I didn't want to cut it off to start my process all over again. Not to mention my boyfriend who had been supportive through my BC but really didn't prefer the look on me. Now a year later, I find myself regrowing my hair and trimming it bit by bit to return itself to the beautiful locks they once were. My hair journey hasn't been easy, but it's not called a journey for nothing.

Angie Loveee ♥ said...

Wowww! Lol I sometimes hate my own hair aswell! I have my bad hairdays too,but your article was definently worth reading :) Thanks so much,im gunna take your advice & love & apprecate what God has "BLESSED ME" with lol and "water it,so mines could be greener!!!!!!!!!!" >.<

Angel Miller said...

I grew up with long beautiful hair, but I used to envy everyone for one reason, I never had edges. My family has this hereditary thing where we were literally bald on the edges. BALD. SO here I am almost 25 and finally experiencing some growth around my edges since I decided to go natural a few months back. But for me, I have to wear the scarves and the headbands to hide what is still bald, so as far as this post, I can definitely relate to the feelings of insecurity, feeling like other peoples hair was better because I was that person all my life. There was always a style that I could not wear because I did not have the edges for it and I think I started to do hair so that I could feel like if I couldn't wear the style, at least I could help someone else to and admire that I was the one that did it. It may sound petty but it was my out. I need to feel like I somehow accomplished something by doing someone elses.

natural7ly said...

I can't believe it!!! You are ME! I haven't had edges for my whole life as far back as I can remember, and I am WAAY past 25 lol. There are so many styles I can"t wear. When I hear naturals say, " Oh, just pull it back in a bun, or a puff!" I just shrug my shoulders because they have no idea how much I wish I could. I see some women wearing their hair back with bald edges. While I admire their confidence, it looks awful to me. I won't do it. My Dermatologist told me the pigmentation is gone and it will never grow back :( I accept it because I can't change it. I use JBCO anyway because I guess it can't hurt, but I never like how my hair looks because of my sided...smh

Likewaterforchocolate said...

You are totally describing my hair. Another slow grower here. I loved my hair when I did the BC. It was all the same length, but my crown is so much shorter that the rest of my already short hair, that I cannot really style it lest I keep chopping it off and start again. After about 4 years, I was hoping to have a fro that would blot out the sun, but nope. A fine-haired natural here, so I cannot wear twists as a functional style with my head looking scalpy and or looking like a 6 year old I would go to the hairdresser to trim my "split" ends and he would tell me that my ends are great, so I am not sure of the problems. I don't like my hair but like the advantages a bit more: I can work out without worrying about a ruining style and I can stop wasting money on relaxers.

Likewaterforchocolate said...

Another slow grower here. I loved my hair when I did the BC. It was all the same length, but my crown is so much shorter that the rest of my already short hair, that I cannot really style it lest I keep chopping it off and start again. After about 4 years, I was hoping to have a fro that would blot out the sun, but nope. A fine-haired natural here, so I cannot wear twists as a functional style with my head looking scalpy and or looking like a 6 year old I would go to the hairdresser to trim my "split" ends and he would tell me that my ends are great, so I am not sure of the problems. I don't like my hair but like the advantages a bit more: I can work out without worrying about a ruining style and I can stop wasting money on relaxers.

LuzM said...

I like what Ing said you need the freedom to do the things you really love and jsut leave like working out without worrying oh my god my hair.. Love these fonline forums and having a community of women who ar loving themselves and their God given Beauty

Spiffany said...

I feel really blessed for having stumbled upon this post. At times I feel really fed up, disappointed, and done with my nappy, kinky hair (I used the word "nappy" because I think that's what my hair is, and I find nothing derogatory about that word. Plus if I have a daughter one day, she will most definitely get the children's book "Happy to be Nappy" by bell hooks!)

Sometimes the frustration with my hair is almost too much to handle - the dryness, the rituals, the amount and the cost of the products - and none of this is my hair's fault. After four years natural I realize I'm still FIGHTING with my hair, trying to make it something it isn't - and you best believe my hair is always going to win because it is strong, beautiful, confident, and doesn't give a damn about proving anything to anybody (I wish I could say the same about myself). Right now I think the biggest obstacle with me and my hair is that I haven't made myself worthy of it (yet). My appearance has changed - and most times I agree with the people who love me and plenty of strangers, too, that it has changed for the better. However, my attitude and my self-esteem have not changed to embrace it. Until those two are synced up, I am always going to envy (but never hate on) ladies who have the texture I wish I had. I'm still a work in progress.

One person who has helped me on my natural hair journey is my partner. Even if I don't always love it, he adores my hair. He loves to play with it and lay on it, says it's soft like a pillow, and is proud to walk down the street with me in all my natural glory. And whenever it rains he says, "This is why I only like dating girls with afros. If they get caught without an umbrella, they don't get all hysterical and run for cover. Unexpected rain doesn't ruin their whole night." :)

Crist said...

i luv you have for what you have written here. its gorgeous, thank you

disqus_ZsZyhu5BPw said...

Lmao I'm sure she felt stupid as ever, and won't forget that till she get's Alzheimers! Way to keep it classy&good for you :D

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