A Love Story.

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by GG of The Write Curl Diary

She loves him.  But he doesn't know how to love. He can talk about love.  He can see love and feel love.  But he can't give love.  He can make love.    But he can't make promises.  She desperately wants his promises.  She wants his heart, knows she can't have it, so she takes what she can get.  Temporary bliss.  Exquisite highs and lows.  Withdrawal.

He only stays long enough to take what he needs and keep moving.  If he stops moving, he's afraid he might self-destruct.  If he stops wandering, he might have to face himself.    He'd rather stay in the dark where he can't see.  If the sun comes out, he'll see his shadow.  And he's afraid of his shadow.

She sees his shadow and she loves him for it.  Nothing he does makes her love him less. She wishes that he could see himself the way she sees him.  So she continues to crave him and wait for the next call, the next text, the next knock at the door.  He consumes her thoughts.  She wills him to her door.

He tells her what she wants to hear and makes her feel like she's the only girl in the world.  He knows that he hurts her, but he doesn't know how to share anything of himself other than his pain.  He tells her, "This is just how we do.  We have something special.  I know you understand and you're the only one who does.  I can't be still but I know you love me and that's why I always come back."

She thinks, "If I stick around, things will be different.  He will realize how much he loves me and he will stay. I will rescue him and teach him how to love.  I will love him to happy.  He will change for me."

She thinks that she will lose him if she pushes him away. She thinks no one else will ever feel so right inside of her - in her body, in her mind, in her heart.  So she waits.   She holds on.  She loses herself in his extremes. 

He pushes and pulls.  He's only comfortable in chaos, after all.  He thinks she'll never leave.  But she's drowning.  He's more than she can take.  Exhausted and broken, gasping for air, she turns away.  She's been up and down so many times, she doesn't know if she'll resurface if she goes under again.  Her survival instinct takes over.  She locks all the doors.  She ignores his cries.  She knows she must let him go in order to save herself.  

She breathes. She mourns. She suffers. A part of her passes away. She rebuilds.  She emerges. Timidly at first.  Beautiful.   Free.  Enlightened.  Happiness awaits like a faint light in the distance.  And maybe she even still loves him, but she finally loves herself more.

34 Weigh in!:
MyNaturalCurlyLife said...

That was beautiful to read. I can only speak for myself but "waiting" for someone to match your efforts in a relationship takes so much from you because you give so much more to make up for what they're not giving you. It actually becomes physically exhausting to love someone who does not love you back. Very well written.

untamedcurls said...

doesn't she need my permission, to tell my story??? :-) The only happy ending that is true to life...

Esther Komolafe said...

Thay was a beautiful story.

Neeshdoll said...

Love it!!!!

Miss Anne said...

#thethingswedoforlove

wonderful... a few leafs from my love story and I'm sure a lot of us can relate to it.

Kudos said...

Amen!! Been there, loving your self more is such peace and freedom!

Davina W. said...

Beautiful.

NikkiA said...

Lived this story, loved the way you told it.

Shan said...

OMGGG this is eerily a biography of my college love life lol...and the couple years after. I LOVE this!!...and I'm FREEEE!! BEAUTIFULLL!! ENLIGHTENED!!! and HAPPYYYYY!!!!lol

MD said...

So eloquent, reaffirms that I made the right choice

Toya said...

When I was young my mom told me " Never chase after something that's not chasing you back" and that in all cases "I am the Prize" I'm glad I learned that early, Its kept me form getting in too deep with situations lite this. Very well written!

Markeeta Young said...

Wow! Been here, as many other women have! Love her words, so eloquent. Getting out, loving myself more, was the key. Happy ending :-)

Brooke B. said...

This is so amazingly written, this was my sisters story for a long time. I'm glad she found her way out & it made her stronger.

Miss D said...

Girl. This is an accurate description of my previous relationship. Glad I, and many other women here, have found what we deserve - peace.

Anonymous said...

This is the truth! I wasted eight long years loving someone who didn't love me back! But it's all good because I came out of that darkness into the light! And the sun is shining bright on me these days!:)))

keisha billups said...

Great Story. This is sad but so true in many relationships. Love yourself more.

abrunnin said...

Wow! I've been there.

Janie Mae Crawford♥ said...

:,(

Bridget Daniels said...

Amazing story and I can certainly relate. When I learned to love myself more, I met the man of my dreams who loves me more than i ever imagined possible. Never had to earn his love, wait for his love or convince him to love me. He just does and we are getting married in two weeks. Greatest love story of my life!

tee said...

that was beautifully written and is just like my life.

Naddie said...

Beautiful! I'm at the end of this . . .

SavanahRae said...

This was such a nice story. . .

MsTerrikaDene said...

Wow. This was my story for 7 years. Finally.... I have moved on. Breathing. Living. And, finally, loving. Well written.

silentone said...

Me too!!

silentone said...

Awesome!!!

hairscapades said...

I said this a few weeks ago when I read this post on GG's site and I'll say it again here:


You are an amazing writer.

"She's been up and down so many times, she doesn't know if she'll resurface if she goes under again."

This imagery is brilliant ... sad ... beautiful ... wrenching ... and real.

Shelli

Andrea said...

Wow! It's amazing how many of us have had this story, including myself... but moving on and finally having that freedom, being able to breathe and live YOUR life again is beyond AWESOME!!! Great post! :-))

Megan M said...

I don't know whether to cry or jump or shout, I am lost for words. Such a powerful story that numerous women can relate to.

MS. KRIS said...

SIMPLY PUT....BEAUTIFUL....THIS WAS MY LIFE WITH MY EX-HUSBAND UNTIL A PART OF ME PASSED AWAY, I REBUILT, AND RE-EMERGED....

Samantha said...

Beautiful!!! This was my story also.

Kareen Pierre said...

This describes my past "relationship" perfectly. From the thoughts to the "how we do". I cried reading this because I realize how blind love made me. This was beautifully written.

Derika said...

Me too, girl! I think many women can relate.

RoseTattoo said...

I cried when I read this. Beautifully written and in a sense comforting to know that others have been in similar situations and also been able to leave and express self-love. Love this!

Jessica Coletrain said...

'...love herself more' great ending

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