I am not my hair... or am I?
I've always been pretty obsessed with my hair and so it would only be natural (no pun intended) for me to stay up all night thinking about what I could do to it. I was up until 6 a.m. thinking about my hair ( crazy, I know ). This year I've reached a milestone. I'm turning thirty in just two short weeks. And lately I've been feeling the familiar urge to do something different with my hair. What I usually do is cut it but last night something struck me. Let me just state for the record that up until last night I had not even contemplated on this idea at all and also that I really REALLY love my curls. But I actually thought about relaxing my hair once again after being 100% natural for three years. I know what you're going to say. I'm crazy right? Why would I want to throw away all of that dedication and progress for something that could possibly be a hazard to my health? This is not about self-hate or shame. This has nothing to do with me proving myself to anyone. This has everything to do with me having the freedom to do whatever I choose to do with my hair. I may go along with this and relax my hair or I may not. Who knows? But one thing is for sure. I just want to be able to wear my hair the way I choose to wear it without judgement or harsh criticism. I'm not naive. I know that people are going to have something to say. But its not really something that affects me. I do however, feel that this is an interesting topic of discussion. I wrote this as a way to open up dialogue as well as different opinions. I find that other people are more attached to my hair than I am. I am not defined by the way I choose to wear my hair. For some women, wearing their hair naturally represents the pride in displaying what God gave them and for others, its not really that serious. I'd say that I represent the latter. Its just hair imo.
I would love to hear from you and am genuinely interested in what you all have to say.
48 Comments:
I think that growing hair, whether you BC because you want to be natural or BC because the relaxer broke your hair, you are still going through a journey to have healthy long hair. Go ahead and relax your hair, but now you know how to take care of and love your hair. Stay natural, your hair will continue to flourish. Most importantly, do what makes you happy. I have cut my hair off twice in my life and both times i have babied my locs and my hair has grown healthy! But i must say, that i have invested a lot of my own personal time in my natural journey and a relaxr is just so much easier, just pay someone 20-40 bucks and your hair looks amazing!!!! Good luck in whatever direction you choose to go!
I think it's your hair, so relax it if you want to. Think long and hard about that decision though because I have a friend that relxed after 5 years natural and after about 6 months relaxed was full of regrets and so she's transitioning all over again. So just be sure it's what you want to do.
I too have had thoughts of returning to the relaxer every now and again. Usually when I start going down this road, my hair does something amazing and I wake up to a gorgeous head of curls. With a big Kool-Aid smile on my face, I proclaim "Who are you kidding. You know you love your curls girl!" And then, I just can't do it. Not because of outside pressure or worries about what others might say, but simply because I am in love with my natural hair. With that said, at the end of the day, it is an individual choice for each of us. "To thine own self be true."
I too have had thoughts of returning to the relaxer every now and again, but usually when I start going down this road, my hair does something amazing and I wake up to a gorgeous head of curls. With a big Kool-Aid smile on my face, I proclaim "Who are you kidding? You know you love your curls girl!" And then, I just can't do it. Not because of outside pressure or worries about what others might say, but simply because I am in love with my natural hair. With that said, at the end of the day, it is an individual choice for each of us. "To thine own self be true."
Sorry. Didn't mean to post twice.
No No Don't do it!!...........watch GOOD HAIR (you'll change your mind). I flat-iron my hair (with heat protection of course) to get the straight look. I know we are not our hair, but think long and hard before you commit to a relaxer.
yes i know. i've had those moments too. Like i said i really love my curls. I'm still going back & forth with the idea. And yes it is an individual choice for all of us.
wow 5 years? Honestly it was something i was pondering on one night. Up until that night i really thought that relaxing my hair was something that was highly unlikely but now i don't know. Right now i'm at a maybe. But yes i'm definitely giving it some deep thought.
I too, after being natural for over three years have considered relaxing again. I have began to be rather bored with my natural hair. I think its mainly due to my lack of styling knowledge and patience with my tangle prone tresses. My hair is the longest its ever been and is at its healthiest. I will make the decision to relax or not soon but for now, I'll continue to pull those late night shifts as well. Reading blobs and YT videos seem to take up my free time... hair hair hair. It really has taken on a whole new type of importance to some people. To me, its just hair. It grows, I color it, cut it, straighten it, twist it, braid it, bun it, poof it, and repeat.
Welll....I totally feel you..smh. My stylist/friend and I have this conversation every week!!! I have been natural for about 11 YEARS now and my argument is..shoot, with all the moisturizing, trimming, and deep conditioning I do now I would have a healthy a$$ relaxer!! I'm over the natural hype and to be honest when I began transitioning there weren't many people on the band wagon. I do feel i would regret it, but hey its just hair and it will grow back (given there are no problems). So with that said do you mama :)
Oh girl i've cut my hair so many times its really nothing to me. I actually shaved it into a buzz cut. That was three years ago. For me its really about doing something other than what i've been doing the past few years and i do believe i can have (relatively) healthy hair with a relaxer. As long as i deeptreat regularly and trim it when i need to. Its acheivable.
I have been where you are and I relaxed my hair after being oh'natural for 5 years. I regretted it some days but I came to my conclusion, that hair can be looked at as an accessory and changed as you deem necessary. Perhaps you could try pressing or flat ironing to see if the straight look works for you where you are. After 4 years of going back to relaxed I am growing natural (long transition) again. I do wonder where I would have been naturally if I had not gone back. Whatever you decide, enjoy your journey!
AMEN!! For a generation of women who choose to genuienly embrace their God given textures and who now proclaim "I am not my hair," it seems to me that once again WE are creating an atmosphere that judges others based on that very thing!!!! How can we simultaneously proclaim: "I am not my hair and i will not be defined by it" while automatically defining a woman with a relaxer or who choses to straighten her hair instead of rocking a curly look as self-hating or somehow insecure. - Basically "I am not my hair, but she is!". I come across Natural Nazi's (yes i said it) quite often and shutter at many of the comments they make about women who chose to cut their hair, indulge in the creamy crack or rock a press and curl rather than a fro. At the end of the day its just hair, it grows back and we need to stop feeding into the same hair obsessed culture that we are attempting to separate ourselves from. I say all that to say this, I hope this woman does what she feels with her hair. Whether its a relaxer or a choice to continue on her natural journey, do whaetever feels good for you! Its just hair!!!!
Definetely do whatever u want with your hair! I'm natural. But I am only attached to my own hair, not anyone else's
. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
I understand that it is your hair and you have the freedom and power to do whatever you want to it! However, relaxing is permanent so if you change your mind about the way you want to wear it in the future than their is really nothing you can do about it except for chopping it off, which may be something that you want to do! I'm just saying that part of being natural is having the ability to rock all kinds of different looks and styles! So, instead of making such a rash decision why not just heat straighten with a flat iron and wear it like that for however long you wish! Even if that does not satisfy you rather than perming it, you could try some sort of keratin treatment or blowout (make sure it is not harmful to your health). Consider all of the possibilities first! Enjoy whatever decision you decide to make!
Usually when I need a change a cut will do it for me, but I've rocked this style for a few months now and I seriously considered a texturizer when I looked in the mirror this morning. Fashionable sistas, natural or not usually like to switch it up often. That said, your hair is gorgeous. Maybe you should just flat iron it to see if you like the straight look. Rock the look for a few days to see if it's really what you want. I really hope you won't sacrifice all your hard work by putting harmful chemicals in your hair, but it *is* your choice. Best of luck whatever you choose! #gottadoyou
Freedom is the key of life! It's your life, live it the way you want and don't have any regrets.
YES! AMEN TO YOU! :)
thank you for posting you guys. i think all of you have made valid points. i actually have flat ironed my hair before and i feel my hair is in a boxing match with the humidity and the humidity usually wins. i know that i need to think long and hard before i make such a drastic decision. that's not something that is lost on me. i just wanted to do something different. something other than what i've been doing. it does get a little boring, doesn't it? i don't think relaxers are "the devil" lol. i've never had the experience of losing all of my hair from a bad relaxer. i went natural not because everyone else was doing it but because it was something i always said i would do again. i haven't decided yet. we shall see...
i've seen good hair and i know all about the chemicals. i get it. i do believe that i can have healthy hair with a relaxer. its not about chemicals or no chemicals. its about taking care of your hair. i've seen women who are completely natural who do not have healthy hair and have to start all over again. i do realize that for some women relaxing their hair is simply not an option. period. but for me that's not the case.
for me straight hair got very boring! I am not at the point where my curly hair is boring. I guess you are. I have my straight now now & I can't wait to wet it. Just bought back memories of how bored I was with it before. For me a relaxer is too permanent and when you get bored of that, its a three year wait. Try a straight weave. Just saying! :-)
I think that you should really reconsider relaxing. I have never had healthy relaxed hair. It just does not work for my hair. Why not try a sew-in your hair will thank you. I like that natural hair is so much more versatile in interesting. Relaxing is so permanent.
There is a lot of psychology behind hair. We all just want something that is not what we were born with. I just love the freedom of giving up on the idea that my hair needs to be straight. Its very liberating.
You seem rather conflicted. One minute you say that you want to be able to exercise choice without judgement or criticism then the next minute you say that what people say doesn't matter to you. If what people say doesn't mattter, why do you care whether or not people judge or criticize you? I suggest that you reflect on what your authentic feelings are in this regard. On the issue of health and relaxed hair, I had relaxed hair for a mere 6 years of my life however it was very healthy the entire time. The health issue with relaxers is not about the health of your hair so much as it is about the health of your entire body since the chemical seeps into your scalp and your scalp is just skin, which is a porous organ. I do not advocate that anyone be a Nazi of any sort, Natural Nazi or otherwise. Exerting pressure on someone because of their hair choices is bullying, and bullying is not an effective agent of change, if that is the goal. I also don't subscribe to all of what many naturals espouse - I blow-dry my long natural hair almost daily, much to the chagrin of some natural purists and yet my hair is strong and beautiful. However, given the ridiculous sums of money that African Americans spend on their hair, with the overwhelming amount going to relaxers and weaves, it minimizes the issue to characterize those who raise legitimate points about how self-esteem affects hair choices as just being catty or judgmental.
Maybe you should try going to a salon where the stylist is really proficient with blowing out black hair. I have very densely packed, fine 4a/b hair and when I would go for blowouts they would last about two weeks. At the time, I was a model, so my hair had to really be on point because it would be worked on and in everyday. Anyway, getting a proper blowout, that lasts and taking care of it, wrapping it or top knotting it and putting it under a scarf at night, might be all you need to do. It's something you could try at least before committing to the relaxer.
At the end of the day, you'll do what's best for you and as long as you're happy, others should be also!
I think you should do as you please. I won't be relaxing my hair anymore because it was always really flat and the ends weakened quickly even when I was working hard to take care of it. I like when people wear their hair naturally in general, but I don't think people who dye, perm (curl), relax, etc. their hair are always making a big deal. I think the reason people have something to say about it is that understanding of tightly curly hair is abysmally behind other hair types, and there are many black women, natural, relaxed, woven, with horribly unhealthy hair. There are plenty of *other* types of women with unhealthy hair too, but in my experience, the proportion of black women who know how to manage their own hair day to day is lower than in other ethnic groups. You seem to be someone who knows how to take care of her hair, and I think as far as the chemicals go, people are being more mindful of what is in relaxers even, so health-wise it is better than a while ago. I really like the freedom of not having to be chained to the stylists' chair, but you seem like you would just chop if you got tired of it so have fun!
Girl I hear you, I have been natural since 1998 and I will be getting a relaxer on 12-28-12. I also love my natural hair but need a break. I really would like to see how long my hair really is and want to be able to comb and brush it with it being soaking wet with conditioner. I will not keep the relaxer long as I plan on doing another big chop in late March'13. Do you it is the only thing that will make you happy
I have always had Healthy hair whether it was relaxed or natural!! I was natural before it became a movement! And after a few years i woke up and felt like getting a relaxer so i did! I have not had a relaxer in over a year because I've become a bit addicted to wigs and weaves so didn't feel the need to do "anything" outside of maintaining my healthy hair. I feel like it's something wrong with me for not being more attached to my hair. Of all the things that make me an awesome black woman being relaxed does not make the list. I am currently trying out new beauticians to find someone i feel can relax my hair that has new growth at different lengths all over. I know even if you don't care you still kinda care what others will think/care...it's only human nature. But hell you only answer to yourself at the end of the day so i say do whatever you please!
Hmm I definetly understand that it is your hair however, one of the great things about being natural is that our hair is so versatile. If you want to rock it straight get it straightened or get a weave, but I couldn't imagine that while I washed my hair the curls do not revert, but hang there lifeless, more vulnerable to damage, and eek permanently straight. But egh do you boo just ponder and hope you won't regret it in the long run.
I feel you girl, I contemplate getting a relaxer all the time for that reason...because I need a break. It is your head and your hair, if you want a change then go for it.
I understand how you feel. I've been natural for about 6 years and I am becoming so bored with it. It's not all its cracked up to be and I swear the longer my hair gets the less it curls and the harder it is to control. Lately I've just been adding highlights but that's not enough. I think I want mine straight as well. Good luck to you.
I definitely agree that you should be able to do "whatever" you want with your hair. However, I'd also urge you to think about the chemicals and harmful effects of perm. Unfortunately, the long term effects of relaxers has not been well studied. We do know that black women are effected by more aggressive forms of breast cancer and fibroids at a higher rate. It's likely that chemicals exposure is related....from someone who has watched their otherwise very healthy mother (who happened to have a perm for 30+ years) parish from cancer, I wouldn't touch a relaxer (or most extreme chemicals) with a ten foot poll....
Let me start off by saying that I think your natural hair is gorgeous :). For me, going natural after 12 years of relaxing symbolized acceptance of myself the way god made me. If it's not nearly that serious for you, that's fine also. Everyone has their own reasons for going natural, and I don't think any one reason is more noble than the other. It's just hair, and will continue to grow until you die. It's not like relaxing your hair now will prevent you from ever going natural again if you chose to do that. If you want to relax your hair, that's a personal choice that you should be able to make free of judgement. In the end, it's your hair and you're the one that has to deal with it. Why should anyone else have a say in that?
Empree • an hour ago −+DeleteFlag as inappropriateIt really is about chemicals. It's your brain and hair do what you want. It is about taking care of your hair. Yes, some naturals do not have healthy hair, but they will not have chemicals passing through their scalps. You quoted: I would love to hear from you and am genuinely interested in what you all have to say. I genuinely gave a true comment. I wasn't telling you not to get a relaxer, but wanted to let you know that if you want chemicals in your nice healthy hair think long and hard of the consequences. Please don't come back on here saying.........I wish I did not get a relaxer and I want my natural hair back. just saying!!
Feel free to do as you please its your hair and if you get tired of the Creamy Crack, just come on back ... I will say that being Natural u have more versatility . U can have your natural curls str8 to appear to be permed of do a ponytail with a bun.. But I do believe you are free to do as you want with your hair .. but its something to think about ... PRO CHOICE (HAIR) lol
Oh yeah I am sure your not the only Curly who has thought about it and may have even done it . But wasnt brave enough to hear feed back on what they should do .
Hi Stacey, I posted earlier, but my comment disappeared. Just wanted to say happy early birthday and your hair is gorg! Going natural had no deep philosophical meaning for me. It was 2010 and I needed/wanted to lose 20 pounds of baby weight. My intense workouts did not play nice with the perm, plus I had had some bad burns along the way and my hair was beginning to thin. It was a life style thing. I transitioned for one gradually cutting the ends and became all natural in 9/2011. I lost 25 pounds and (knock on wood), I have kept the weight off. If you want to perm, I say go for it. It is your hair and worse case scenario if you don't like it you can always start over a la a BC or tansition. I have thought about perming during this journey, but I am glad I did not. Do you and what fits into your lifestyle at the moment.
Thank you so much for being the voice in the natural community that I feel gets overshadowed. For me wearing my hair natural was not about making any statement. My hair was natural for most of my life but when I turned 20 I decided I wanted to relax my hair. For two years I was happy with my relaxed tresses. I had a few bad experiences along the way (just like i've had bad natural hair experiences) but overall I was ok with it. One day I decided that I would wear my hair natural again. I was just used to dealing with my natural hair. Now I have been natural for three years but I am thinking about going short and relaxed again. For me it's no different than any other way of styling your hair. Whether it be coloring, cutting, or relaxing it's just hair. I am not my hair. So I'm always careful to be sure when referring to my natural hair I'm saying "Yes my HAIR is in it's natural state." But all too often you run into women who say "Yes I am natural." and their hair is a statement. I find no fault in making a statement with your hair, clothes, tattoos, or any other accessorie. I just hate that it's always the one's who are Natural and not just wearing their hair in a natural state to tell you what's wrong with what you choose or how you choose to wear your hair. Simply because you choose to relax your hair your somehow unaware of what choice your making or what your doing to your hair or body. I know plenty of women with healthy relaxed hair just like I know women with unhealthy natural hair. Or if I choose to be natural but straighten my hair with heat that somehow I"m not in love with what God gave me. People it's just hair. Do with it what makes you feel beautiful.
Its honestly your choice and I dont see why anyone else would have a problem with it because its not their hair lol. Personally, the decision to go natural wasn't this super serious political statement or anything it was about the fact that relaxers were doing some serious damage to my fine, dense strands so I figured if I wanted long healthy hair, going natural was the only way to get it. For people (like my mother) who have never had any serious problems with relaxers breaking or thinning their hair, and who prefer a straight look, then relaxers are fine.
Your hair is gorgeous. You're actually my hair twin! All I can say is You Do You Boo! Just like you went natural for your own reasons, you can relax your hair for your own reasons.....#freedom
thank u
oh wow i have a twin lol :)
girl i know just what you mean. that's the point i was trying to make. its all about choices and i don't think anyone should feel bad about the choice they make especially when it comes to making a change to their body. like you said its just another way of styling your hair and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
thank you for the compliment :)
aww thank you so much :) you lost 25 lbs that's wonderful, GO AHEAD GIRL!
thank you for your honesty. i really appreciated it. i do realize that there is a risk factor in doing something like this. and i will be thinking long and hard about the consequences. like i said before i have never had a bad experience with relaxers and i hope i never do.
I think you should do what makes you happy. I was natural for about 4-5 years (can't rem) when I used a type of relaxer to straighten my hair. People thought I was crazy but I wanted a change. A year and a few months later, I bc'ed again and one year into growing my hair back natural. IT IS JUST HAIR! I think people take this thing to a level it does NOT need to be taken to. Just do what makes you happy and know that IT WILL GROW BACK.
haha I love that... Im also Pro Choice for hair.
I think if you want a straight hair look, then it's safer to wear a wig or a weave. Putting chemicals like that so close to your brain.........I don't know.
I think it's your hair and you can obviously do what you want with it, people will eventually get over what decision you make. But I will say, if you really love your curly natural hair you may want to try straightening it and wearing it like that for a while to see if relaxing it is really what you want. I've been natural for 3 years and I can say I've thought about this twice, and a good flat iron made me change my mine with less than a week. Change is good, but sometimes it may not need to be so permanent. But you are the one that decides that.
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