By Danielle Faust of okdani.com and longnaturalhair.info
I wrote last week, with tongue firmly planted in cheek, about hating your hair. In reality, it saddens me when I see women who so obviously have a negative relationship with their hair. I’ve noticed this a lot with new naturals, natural women who have been on “autopilot” for a while and not listening to their hair, as well as women who seem to be at a standstill both length and health-wise.
If you are currently hating your natural hair, I offer you these ideas for finding the love again.
- Look for the good
- Find inspiration
- Tweak your regimen
- Pamper your hair
- Hide your hair
- Do something drastic
The most important way to change from hating to liking...and eventually loving... your hair is to make a shift in attitude. One way to do this is to simply take out a pen and paper and list all the good things you can think of about your hair. From the biggest reasons to the smallest ideas, list them all, no matter how silly they sound. There are so many great things about your head of hair, but if we’re in a hair funk and hating our hair it’s just hard to see them. Take some time out to consciously look for the great things about your curls, coils and kinks, and keep the list nearby to read it often!
Find Inspiration
The interwebz are filled with sites related to natural hair care and have loads of photos of hair in varying textures, styles and lengths that you can use for inspiration. Seek out photos that speak to you and renew your excitement about your natural hair. Print out, or pin those images you like best and post them where you’ll see them. Be sure the image makes you feel good and there are no feelings of jealousy when you look at the photo.
Tweak your Regimen
If you’re suffering from hair hatred, take a look at your regimen and see where you can tweak it to change results or cure your boredom. I’m not saying to overhaul the entire regimen, but make small changes to refresh it. For example, you can switch moisturizing shampoos or try a different deep conditioner this week. Or if your weekly twistout is done on soaking wet hair, in 6 twists, try it on damp hair with 10 twists. Small changes may cure your boredom and help with the hair hatred.
Pamper It
If you and your hair aren’t really the best of friends right now, you may want to take a day and give it some special TLC. Give yourself a treatment you don’t usually do, like an extra long deep conditioner, hot oil treatment, or henna/indigo treatment. Massage your scalp, and moisturize your hair in small sections, being very gentle and paying attention to every inch. Give your hair a spa day and let it feel luxurious. It’s hard to hate something when you’re treating with so much love.
Hide Your Hair
If you’re looking at every other natural’s head of hair with envy and feeling bad about your own, hide it. Find a great wig, or get a weave that makes you feel sexy, and hide your natural hair from view for a while. Keeping it out of site using wigs or weaves allows you to get a break from caring for it daily, and lets you play with a new look. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. Use this to your benefit when it comes to your hair. You may just find yourself missing your natural tresses after a few weeks of having it hidden.
Do Something Drastic
Hair hatred often stems from boredom, so why not do something drastic to kick your hair-life up a notch?! Cut your hair, get bangs, dye your ends a crazy color or shave a portion of your head, get wild highlights or just go to a salon and get a new style you’ve never worn before. Seeing something fresh and new on your head may just bring back the love.
Looking in the mirror and seeing a head of hair that you don’t love is completely unnecessary. As naturals, we have too many great options for how to wear and care for our hair that hair hatred should not even be an option. If you’re suffering from hair hatred, don’t beat yourself up about it. Just make a quick change in behavior and attitude and get past it. Your hair is beautiful. Love it! Every Single Strand!
18 Comments:
Its very important to remember also that at the end of the day, its JUST HAIR. I know most of us are somewhat obsessed with our hair seeing as how we spend hours taking care of it, doing research on the internet, and spending money on it, but it doesnt define who you are. its simply an extension of you. Embrace what god gave you, its yours and its unique to you...Love it!
I look at other natural hair women for inspiration on new styles. I think if someone looks at others with hair envy, hiding their own hair will not change their minds.
There are times when women become bored with certain styles or feel they are unable to address an issue (breakage, dryness, etc) effectively which may lead them to develop that 'hate' in the Love-Hate relationship with their hair. CurlyNikki's website is the best place for inspiration! There's plenty of photos, styles, and article's to help tweek a regimen or get you out of a styling rut.........tons to inspire any curly to help find that 'love' again ;-)
When I'm in a hair funk, the last thing I need to do is look at inspirational photos. It would make me more frustrated that my hair isn't acting right!
If you hate your hair, just wait. Eat a piece of cake and wait. No drastic moves, or cuts...
Hair envy and the Internet are playing a bigger part in this than people seem to admit. Surrounding yourself with images and video of what other people's hair can do will remind some of what theirs CAN'T. Also remember that it may be "just hair" for you, but our history dictates that it is not "just hair" for the majority of the black population. For women in general, hair plays a big part in how we feel about our appearance. The Internet has turned it into a competition and you see women berating themselves for not having the length, texture, fro size or curls of the next chick. With regards to the wider society, I'm not mad at womn who hate their hair because they've been taught to, generation after generation and told to covet anything other than what they have. When the negative connotations associated with having kinky, shrinking, Afro textured hair go away then we can have honest conversations with women who say, 'I hate my hair.' and then maybe it will be about "just hair."
I have a question guys
My question is a bit random but it relates to the topic.
My mom hates my natural hair, but since Ive been natural for almost 11 months now, she has copied all of my natural hair styles from my bun hawks (shes never ever worn bun hawks or any kind of pin curls), my hair products, and she even teases her relaxed roller set so that her hair can look like my blowouts. She even went out and bought similiar cat eye glasses.
What i dont understand is how could she hate my hair and wish that I would relax my hair, but copy my hair styles to make it similar to my natural hair?? There are a few people I know that are also doing the same thing
All good points.
I think if you're in a hair funk you just have to find photos of someone with hair just like yours and get inspired. Play around with your hair and find some styles you feel great in. http://www.kandycurls.com
What she is implying is that she doesn't like your "texture". Some people think if you straighten your hair then curl it tight and fluff it, it mimics hair that is of a looser curl pattern. Although one could argue that the hair is in a natural "style", the issue is not just about the "style" but the texture of your hair. It is sad, but reality, that there are people who dislike hair that has tighter coils or waves. But that is just the way it is. The issue is not what your mom likes, but what you plan to do and if her ideas and values have tainted your experience and self esteem in any way. You will find in this process as with so many other life processes that you will not be able to please everyone; I know its hard when your own family is not accepting at this point. But know you are not alone. I have seen cases where as the hair grew out that some parents have become more accepting of the natural because they see that there are a wide range of ways to give the hair looser texture. In any case, I think your question is one of the reasons that there are forums online such as this.
I find that sometimes I'm inspired when I find a photo of someone with similar characteristics of my hair; but I agree with you: there is a thin line between looking "for" photos for inspiration and finding photos of hair that seems perfected.(for lack of a better word). I did some personal photographs and I found that even when I took pictures, I found myself patting hairs in place, turning at certain angles and literally staging my hair. Once must realize that many photos and videos you see have been edited to show the hair in the best light. This is one of the reasons I get tired of magazines as well; there is a lot of staging going on. I really hear you on this one. I find it a relief sometimes to get ideas from websites where there are not so many pictures for this very reason. Thank you for sharing. I thought I was alone with this.
this post is heaven sent. i was abit paranoid about my hair 1 day ago and almost got a texturizer! thank Heavens i made a full "kim kardashian-esque" wig. *flips hair*
You bring up some really good points regarding how people will edit their videos and only show pics of their hair in its best light. I keep a photo blog on fotki and for that very reason I show the good, bad, and the ugly as well as all document my frustrations and milestones. Many people say this is helpful to them. I've been natural for 3 years and I've had good and bad hair days. I post them all I've finally learned how to work with my hair so that I get consistent results but I can guarantee you that almost every natural even those that seem to have perfect hair days, have had their fair share of crazy, uncooperative hair days. They just won't share that. I say share it all so people can have a more realistic view of what to expect from natural hair.
This is a real emotion for many naturals. And some are ashamed to say so. If a person hates their hair, I think it's primarily because they don't understand how their hair works. So they work against it to try and make it be something that its not. In some cases you have to really accept your own uniqueness and embrace it. Also neglecting to take care of our hair can make things worse, like not detangling, moisturizing and deep conditioning, which aids in make it less manageable and difficult. Taking breaks from styling does help, it can keep you from making any drastic decisions, and refuel you to get in their and work out any issues you may have.
I had one of these moments after seeing a lot of natural hair photos one week and did something drastic. I cut my hair. I lopped about 3 inches off! Then, a week later, I was going through older photos from my hair journal and envied my OWN hair. I DID have that lush, thick fro that I was drooling over. I just didn't appreciate it at the time.
What I learned was to step back from the scissors; take a break from online photos, close my laptop and just give my hair some love through deep treatments and moisture. If I do look at photos, I search only for those with a similar hair texture, pattern and density as my own.
Personally, I wish all naturals the very best hair attainable. We are
all works in progress, and getting the hair to cooperate can be a
challenge. The science behind understanding how one's hair porosity
reacts with humidity and product ingredients....etc, etc is oftentimes a
chore, but it's also an investment.
• ALL investments take a
minute to yield a decent return, or in the case of a hair investment,
the desired length and cooperation from the hair, which may or may not
happen in due time.
As of late, I was mad at my hair and my hair
products. My style regimen goes a bit like this: out of habit and
convenience, I rock the two strand twist for a good two to 3 weeks,
then, I end the last week of the month with the two strand twist-out.
Now, for the last two weeks, I've been wearing a simple, low
hair-manipulation, don't-bother-nobody-bun.
Unfortunately, people
at work are bothered by my simple-bun, and they are asking me if I'm
depressed. When I ask "why?", then say, "well, you look different." I
don't get it: I wear my make up exactly the same, I am always dressed in
the coordinating Avon Jewels that I sell, and again, my make-up is
nicely done. I love color in my wardrobe, so I'm not in the
monochromatic duds that draw one's mood down... What gives??
The only thing that has changed is my hair. I am NOT my hair.
xoxo
Terrific post, and I support it word-for-word.
• I recommended that one rests from judging her hair so critically before taking scissors in hand and going to town.
I've impressed myself by growing through that 'I should just relax it' or 'I should just cut it all off and start over' stage when my uncooperative hairs were whippin' my emotions to shreds.
Also, I've learned to step away from the scissors when my my former on-and-off again (who is now exclusively the permanent ex-boyfriend) couldn't get himself together.
Cuídate/Take Care
You speak the truth. I find that I am happier with my hair when I take a break from Youtube and blogs and simply stick to my regimen lol.
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