November 27, 2012

What Did Momma Say?- Natural Hair

Reposting for Leslie ;) 
Chime in ladies!


Tonya writes;

My mom is my best friend, confidant, and number one supporter. Needless to say I was dismayed when she was totally against my decision to transition. I expected it from others, but not from her. I could tell, however, that her advice to opt for straight styles wasn't coming from a sinister place. In her mind, she was trying to protect me. It didn't hurt any less though.

What was your mother's reaction when you (1) shared that you planned to go natural, and/or (2) showed up with a TWA?


How did you respond?

91 Weigh in!:

BKelz said...

My mom really wasn't upset that I was cutting my hair because she knew I was doing it for a good reason. However, when she saw it in person she didn't like it too much and I could see it on her face. I didn't get too mad though with the things she said. I love it and I know my hair will be healthier now. My health is more important than anyone's opinion :)

Anonymous said...

When i told my mum i was going natural she was totally against it. She said hurtful things that i didint expect from her. After 2months transitioning i let her relaxed my hair because of her comments etc.. i tried to transition again and ignore her comments..when i chopped my hair off after 6months of transitioning she said it looks good u look beautiful..it made me happy but i wasnt really feelin my bc though..she loves my hair now and she is my biggest supporter =)

sarah said...

my decision to go natural was met with a "i don't know, Sarah" from my mother. she went through high school with very long unrelaxed hair and always got teased for it. girls would run up behind her and pull her hair. i guess she didn't want that for me. when i finally chopped and she saw it for the first time, she ran her fingers through my curls and exclaimed "so beautiful!" i told her, "i got it from you!" ever since then, my mother has been my biggest champion and protector.

ebony28 said...

My mom was really supportive of my decision to go natural, since she was one of the reasons why I decided to make the change. My mom wears dreads and I was her number one supporter when she decided that she no longer wanted to wear the creamy crack! So my wanting to go natural was something that didn't come with negative comments, it was embraced immediately and I am happy to have that support.

Sweetdrk1 said...

my mom cried! She said I look just like I did when I was born. A head full of curls! I asked why did she start perming it and she said who knew...everyone was doing it! LOL!

Sonya said...

Ours has been a long journey (my mom and me and our hair). My mom raised me with natural-yet-religiously-"pressed"-(with a hot comb)-hair. Over the last 20 or more years, we have gone through the fatal relaxer era, failed natural attempts, 8 years of loc'd (dread locked) hair, and now back to loose natural.

We have taken all these journeys together. In the early days (when I was 20 and she was 40), natural hair meant hair that was not chemically straightened, so there was no real debate. Once I became a woman of 30, however, I had a philosophical break with straightened hair. This is when all the emotional and psychological baggage about hair texture began to unravel. She clung to her sometimes relaxed hair and I locked mine. On December 31, 2010, after a decade of reconciliation for her and decade of natural then locked hair for me, we both BC together. We're like the hair twins now. We had BC'd several times, but now there is a sort a resignation about it. It's kinda cool to have that kind of synchronicity with my mom.

Anonymous said...

It has been 11 months since my last relaxer. When I told everyone that I was going natural. My mother said "Oh..wait till it get hot outside..you will be running back to get a relaxer.

Alta Angel said...

The first time my mother saw my natural hair, I was picking her up from the airport. I had about 18 months worth of natural hair that was styled in a cute twist out. I heard my mother clear across the other side of the hallway telling the lady that was pushing her wheelchair, "Is that my daughter with that woolly AFROOOO!!" I almost died on the spot...let's just say that she was lucky that she was my mom! Mind you, my mother had an Afro that rivalled Angela Davis in the seventies!

She has calmed down somewhat, but she makes no apologies that she liked my hair MUCH better long and relaxed. Now she is driving me crazy over color. "You are getting to old to have all that dark hair Angel..." Help me Lord!

Anonymous said...

She was hesitant but supportive. She is now going natural too. However, I have kinky hair, and she has more wavy curly hair like Curly Nikki's. When she first saw me doing hairstyles after I BCed she would criticize my hair as looking hard and (basically nappy she didn't say that though). She rathered me just do a small fro. However, as I became more skillful she loves it more. Yeah as a whole I'll say she was supportive. She did have some bad stereotypes of natural hair but she has opened her mind. She even goes to a natural salon now while she is transitioning lol.

Anonymous said...

When I was four years old, I cut off one of my pony tails. That was the beginning of me "messing" with my hair, and, believe me, I have done it ALL (including putting streaks in my twelve year-old sister's hair). At this point, my mother is too tired to say anything to me about my natural hair!

NaturalWorldOrder said...

my mother is a hairdresser and she was in complete support of it mainly because i think she understood the dangers of relaxers. She herself even decided to go natural at one point (Daddy didnt approve though) so she relaxed again but shes transitioning now :) I think it is her trying to protect you. Im a firm believer that the only reason (and im sure most will agree with me) our parents or grandparents relaxed their hair because of the time, it was the only way they felt that they could get ahead, to look like the people who were oppressing us hence bleaching creams as well. but in today's society i feel that its time to embrace our beauty, and make strides in the direction of cultural and self acceptance as a whole. :)

Sharmin said...

When I told my mom I wanted to go natural she was against just because of the fact she said that my hair is so pretty why would you want to do that. When finally chopped it off, her jaw dropped and started crying.

Anonymous said...

After going natural my Mom kept asking me if I needed some money to get my hair done. She was always offering to get it done for me. But now that I have figured out what to do with it she sometimes complements me and even thought of going natural herself.

Anonymous said...

My mom wasn't surprise at all because I had been talking about not relaxing anymore for about 5yrs. I transitioned for 10 months before I bc'd and I was a little nervous when I showed up with my short crop. Surprisingly though, she loved it!

mysteryladyplatinum said...

I've been transitioning for a year now and my mom is still not supportive. She tells me that "our hair is nappy and is meant to be relaxed". She used to tell me I needed a relaxer everyday. She's calmed down with her comments since then but still doesn't understand. After I big chop I hope she sees that I'm doing what's best for me and could care less about what other people think.

Anonymous said...

I big chopped exactly one week ago. I like to wear my hair short and curly close to my head. Everyday my mom askes if my hair has grown out and tells me she's over me looking like a little boi already...so there you go

Jeannette said...

Now that I look back, my mother's reaction was funny LOL. My mother has issues with long hair, she loves it and will hang on to it even if her hair is damaged. When I first went Natural, I decided to cut off all my hair (BC). My mother had no problem with me going Natural as she herself was natural for many years, getting a press and curl. When I cut my hair off my mother thought that I lost my mind! She thought I was having a nervous break down and literally got on her hands and knees to pray for me as she thought I was loosing it. Trying to explain to my mother that it's just hair and it will grow back was like trying convert a Jew to Christianity LOL. When my hair started growing back and my personality continued to be the same my mother realized I am completely sane and that I felt it necessary to cut off the relaxer. She is now a fully natural with hair longer than mine. When she first became natural, she also did the Big Chop.

Kin la Belle said...

My mom has been natural for about 15 years now but she will look at me and tell me I need a relaxer. wow.
at least she can tolerate my twist outs...

Anonymous said...

My mom made a comment that I'm just like her when she was younger because she'd cut her hair many times. She never approved of my natural hair though...and a twa at that! That was approximately 7 years ago and although my hair is long and healthy she still prefers me with relaxed hair and makes wise cracks about my natural hair. She still tries to "tempt" me to get a relaxer but I'm so NOT moved by her comments LOL. In fact I fire back with my own jokes about relaxers or just laugh whilst shaking my head at the thought of ever getting a relaxer again.

Coily84 said...

My mom was totally supportive especially being that she kept me natural for the first fifteen years of my life. it was my idea to get a relaxer and I did for ten years. Needless to say she was very supportive even then. When i decided to go natural almost a year ago she kept her composure and said it was my decision and if thats what I wanted to go right ahead. When I showed up with my twa she told me I looked beautiful...fast forward nine months and now we share natural hair care tips. I just sent my mom a box of goodies that I never used and that I thought she would love. Being natural has bought my mom and I even closer. :-)

Loeski said...

Well when I decided to go natural, I had only hinted at it a few times to people and when I told my mom, she said, "well if that's what you wanna do..that's fine." It took me a while to gather the courage to do it, but I cut my relaxed hair to about mid ear length and I let it grow out for 6 months. I wansn't going to cut it just then, but I was tired of the perms and I was going through some things that promted change for me. So, I went to my best friend's house and told her to cut my hair. She said no (at first), so I took the scissors, grabbed a huge hunk of hair and cut it right at the merge line and told her to finish it. Lol. She did and not only was her mom upset with me, my mom was shocked and asked me if I was depressed. All I could do was laugh. As the time went by, everyone got used to it and fell in love with it like I did ^_^

Alisa said...

When I told my mom that I was going natural she just kind of said "uh huh, for how long?"
Luckily I'm a college curly so my mom wasn't really conscious of the 4 month transition. When I sent her a pic after my bc she thought that I just had my hair pulled back (she was in denial). Her initial reaction when she saw me with less than an inch of hair was...unexpected. She was just kind of quiet. It had to grow on her. As much as she complained about my hair when I was younger (how she couldn't do it and I was born with a ponytail) she didn't like that I had cut off all my hair. I think that after a few months she started to like it and realizes that it was inevitable that one day I would cut off all my hair. She and my aunts all have short hair cuts. She may not love my hair but I think that she accepts it and likes it because it fits my personality and because I love it.

socialitedreams said...

my mom LOVED the idea and would ask any random natural that she saw on the street what they used and excitedly come and tell me lol...then a year and a half after i went natural, SHE did too because she loved my hair :)

Vonnie
http://www.socialitedreams.com/

Tamakaj said...

Ladies i cant tell you what my mother said, because she is not in my life. But as a mother myself i can tell you what i said to my daughter. I told her thats great and i stood by her, i took her to get her BC june 2009 and when she started to get down on herself in sep 2010 i cut my hair off to support her. My daughter is my world and if it means me losing some hair whats that compared to me giving her the world. Ladies love your children and always allow then to make mistakes but be their when they fall to pick them up. Peace sisters

Shonoi said...

I did mine 2 weeks ago and my mom was the one that took out my final transitioning weave and she stood outside the bathroom as I BC-ed. Needless to say, she was very supportive!

Gina said...

I've been natural for awhile but was pressing it, so when she first saw my flat twist out she said, "oh, I love your nappy hair". LOL I said, "I love my nappy hair too".

marnie said...

I Think my mom was nervous about it but she didn't really comment in the beggining. I didn't do the traditional big chop because I think my head's way too big! I had already switched from relaxer to texurizer, and I would scrunch style my hair with mousse and gel. My hair was a bit past mid-back when I got a shoulder length cut and then a few months later I got the posh spice bob, which I couldn't keep straight. So since it was so short in the back I stopped relaxing to see what my hair would look like. I know with my differing textures and the new shortness it looked a bit rough sometimes but my Mom never said anything negative. She would be honest though, if I asked her how it looked, but still she was never negative. I was always so nervous about how the back of my hair looked, and when I would ask "What does the back look like?" She would always say "Curls" :)
Now I know my Mom really does like my hair. When I call her up and she hasn't seen me in a while she always asks excitedly about it's progress. BTW will be 2 yrs natural in May!

Lilith_Eve said...

It's funny my mom's reaction when I told her that I was going to go natural. She was very against it. Then she tried to compromise with me by saying I should relax it every 6 months or something. Why is that funny? Because I begged her for years when I hit middle school to get a relaxer. She tried like heck to talk me out of it back then!

And when she saw that I was serious about going natural again she later tried to talk me into transitioning for a year or more. I decided on 6 months *laughs* While I was transitioning she liked the styles I tried (mostly bantu knot outs) but after I BC'd I could tell she didn't like it. I've had long hair most of my life and I guess it was a shock. Personally, even though I didn't know what I was doing at first, I loved it! It was such a different look for me to have only 2 inches of kinky hair versus bra strap length relaxed hair.

And now? My mother is mostly natural, though not necessarily by choice. Some medications made a lot of her hair fall out so she stopped getting relaxers as they were aggravating the problem. And after some misadventures with microbraids she ended up losing around 90% of her relaxed ends. Currently she's wearing wigs until we can get her hair situation back under control.

honeybrown1976 said...

My mom's thrilled that I'm transitioning to natural. She's natural as well so I definitely have her support.

Anonymous said...

When I told my mom I was going natural again, after being relaxed for 10 years, she thought I was going through another phase that I would get over in a year or so. I told her that I missed my natural hair and I'm tired of relaxing it. But, she said she knows I will relax again in the future. After she said that, I was more determined to transition to natural hair and stay natural this time.

After some time, I realized her opinion of natural hair had more to do with her dislike of her own natural hair texture, so I didn't let her comments phase me. When I was ready to BC I asked her to cut my relaxed ends off and she did. Since then, she hasn't said anything negative about my hair. If she doesn't like a hairstyle, she does not make any negative comments. Actually, I think she is fascinated by my natural hair because every time she is around and I'm styling my hair, I can see her watching me out the corner of my eye. LOL!! Needless to say, I think she has adjusted to seeing me with my natural hair again.

Anonymous said...

Wow, my mom has fine wavy hair but always praised my thick, afro-textured hair and always said she liked it better than hers. It takes humidity for her to have the same kind of volume, and hers doesn't hold shape like mine.
She kept us natural growing up, and she's had a few forays into pointless perms (since her hair is straighter than most people's relaxed hair anyway), so it was no big deal when I stopped getting relaxers, plus she'd been disappointed by the damage that hairdressers had done to my hair.
It's sad that more black mothers don't love black hair in all of its forms. I'm lucky my mom didn't play that good hair/bad hair crap. But I heard nice things about my hair from other people when I was a kid too.
I always preferred my natural hair and she only took me for a relaxer b/c I was leaving for college and really couldn't handle it all on my own (by high school I was getting regular presses but before that it wasn't straightened often). I remember being so worried that they'd make it totally straight, but luckily they didn't.
So when she saw what I was doing with my hair now, she said it was simply beautiful.
Mom had to shave her own long hair during chemo, She is actually quite excited having short hair for the first time ever and is having a lot of fun with it (even though it stands straight up instead of curling or fluffing out).

melanie said...

She was already natural so she was happy. In fact, she never wanted me to get a relaxer in the first place and didn't let me until I was 14 years old. She loves my hair.

Anonymous said...

She absolutely hated it. For the first year she made negative comments. The crazy thing about it, is that she big chopped two months after me. She said natural hair is meant for people with thin hair and I had too much hair, therefore she didnt like it. Good thing I have supportive brothers.

Fast forward, I'm approaching my 2 yr mark and she really likes it now and she has also remained natural.

Anonymous said...

I've been natural for about 7 months, while transitioning my mother remained supportive but thought it was all a phase. When I BC she would comment on how nice my hair looked. BUT when it started it growing out...what are you going to do with your hair! LOL! I had my first twist in January thought it was gorgeous and wanted to share it with her told her I was going to send her a picture she told me if it looks likes worms do NOT send her a picture! LOL! (no picture was sent)

Anonymous said...

When I cut off the relaxed hair (which I covered with a wig for months) and showed her the pics of the str8 hair in the sink she went offf. How could u do this? Why would u cut off all ur beautiful hair? It was as if i'd cut hers! She began to realize it grows back and as it did, she loved it. Now she tells me to keep the puff (her favorite hairstyle nxt to twists) and she touches it. :)

CoilyRob said...

She was 100% against it. She used names such as jigaboo, ni##a naps, and buckwheat. She said it jokingly, but it still hurt somewhat. She said I was no longer "fly". My Husband was a huge supporter, so that helped tremendously. So now I have a full head of healthy natural hair, while she has thin, edgeless relaxed hair. Since my hair grown, she has accepted my hair when worn loose, but hates it in twists.

Tc said...

Psh I told my mom I wanted to go natural she chased me around the house with some shears, (literally) telling me if you talking about something better be about something!

LOL She is so excited that I am doing it which makes me happy to have her support and someone to be just as excited as I am!

Anonymous said...

My mama said my husband would leave me. Wow!

KCAS said...

My mother's never liked my hair natural. Now and then, she says my hair would be so long if I made it straight. I simply ignore her words and pretend I'm not listening because it really sucks. As Alta said: "Help me Lord!"

kenya said...

It's sweet to hear all of you talk about your mothers.. Even if some responses aren't so positive hahah.

My mother was really excited that I was going natural because she wanted to see my hair from when I was little (before the perm), however, she often got frustrated with me when I asked her to buy so many products (I was 14 - 15 during my transition) so I never had the experience of PJism...
I transitioned for 11 months so when I finally BC'd she loved the fact that I had a head full of THICK hair, lol.
During this journey, I have worn some hairstyles that are too fly for words and some that were just eww.. but my mom as always been there to compliment me no matter what and I really appreciate that(:

Blknwhtbeauty said...

My mom (who is white) was very supportive. She never approved of relaxers in the first place. I begged for relaxers as a kid because I was teased by others for having nappy(4a)non-mixed hair. My mother always loved my curls and still loves them today. She was estatic when she found out I BC'd.

Anonymous said...

what made me happy made my mom happy...now other relatives may have had issues...but those were their issues and not ours

jessica said...

I Just Bc'd today and my mom is more excited then i am!! Lol she cant wait to watch it grow long like it was when i was younger :)

LBell said...

My mom had been natural for 5 years when I did my BC (without telling her). When I showed up at her house for Christmas she was in shock and awe! So were my sisters...so much so that they BC'd four months later... :)

Anonymous said...

My mom hated it! She would beg me to straighten my hair. She says I leave it natural "too much" I'm so tired of her telling me to "train" AKA damage my hair. She's been offering to take me to the salon now. I can't help but to wonder why she didn't offer the trips to the salon when I was getting teased in high school! She always mentions that my hair isn't done. Its been like a year now since I went natural so I've become immune to it.

Still love her though. :)

Anonymous said...

Good thing my dad likes it :)

Anonymous said...

My mother didn"t love it of hate it. Even with the relaxer I had a hard time with the NC humidity! She just wanted me to keep my hair looking presentable. Has never said anything negative about my hair. However about 6 months into my transition, I was visiting my parents and my mother gave me an unexpected gift....an Instyler curling iron.???? LOL!!! She said that she had ordered one and they gave her one free. (Sure Ma)So she wanted to ME to have the extra one. I do have three sisters, that are all relaxed. Just a little suspicious. Anyway, now it's been over 2 years now and she's seen how healthy and long my hair is now, and she loves it.
PS: She's now natural too. ;)

Anonymous said...

I told my mom that was going natural. It was a long silence. (Cricket) LOL One day without her knowledge, I cut out all the relaxed hair. When she first saw my newly natural afro. Her comment, "You need perm". Then I grew out my hair. Her comment "You look like Angela Davis". Whoever that is. I am aware that my mom can be very sarcastic. I didn't let her comments or opinions bother me. At least I have my friend who went natural a year before me. She's my biggest supporter. My mom will come around in due time.

gorgeousgab said...

shes all supportive. she seems me as her gorgeous daughter and nothing can change that. except back when i was drinking metal/punk. But way. she didnt even mention relaxing out hair growing up. I was somethin I took upon myself after moving away from home, going to school and working- I was busy all the time and I thought a relaxer would be the easy way out (and yeah, a lot of black girls do it, so why not!!??) She was disappointed when I got it, felt I didn't need it, and now that i'm going back natural shes alll for it. very supportive mama.

Anonymous said...

My mom has been natural for the last 7 years. She got tired of it breaking from perms.

She has supported me from the beginning. She was somewhat shocked as I let my perm grow out; I ALWAYS had a perm..always! LOL

When she saw me with my first twist-out, she smiled really big and said, "It suites you!" And, of course, she was right! My kinky-curly hair is ME, all day long. ;-)

Anonymous said...

My mom who has relaxed hair now was supportive of me going natural. She kept suggesting that I go to a stylist so they could "keep it looking neat" . However my wallet and the long hours I have to work prevented me from seeing a stylist. Plus I was not pleased with the stylist I was going to while I was transitioning. Once I decided to do the "big chop" my mother wanted to go with me. But because we live in different cities, there was a scheduling problem. One afternoon I just got up and went to the barber. I told her I cut it, and she cried. But the next time she saw me she was so excited. We went shopping for products together, and she started giving me tips, from when she was natural in the 1970's.

Anonymous said...

about 7 years ago I wanted to go natural. I was so in love with Joan's hair on girlfriends. and I didn't know anything about transitioning and I wanted to just cut it all off. when I told my mom all she could say was that it was a bad idea and that my hair won't grow back and that the all the girls on that show have wigs. So I put it all aside and I kept relaxing and then in the summer of 2010 I was sick of it and I shaved it all off not transion at all just a big buzzzzzz. and she couldn't say anything after that and in the end it doesn't make any sense when she was my age 28 she moved to san francisco and shaved it all off too. and when my dad met her she had a fade. there are times when she will make comments about my hair but in all now she is fine with it.

Cee Frizzle said...

It's funny, because my mother was the one that encouraged me NOT to get a perm in 7th grade, when I was fed up with my classmates teasing me because I was the only girl that put her hair up in puffs or wore her hair out in afros. She said my hair was fine and that a perm would only solve things temporarily. But I didn't care. I wanted to stop the torment. So one Friday after school let out, she took me to her hairdresser. And I got that perm.

Three years later, as my hair became dark brown instead of remain its jet black color . . . As my hair became shorter and shorter due to the split ends . . . As my hair got thinner and thinner due to excessive combing . . . And as my kitchen became butchered, it was SHE who pulled me aside and said, "Cynthia. Look at this. What I tell you? You're hair's not the same."

That's right. It was my mother who convinced me to go natural, not the other way around. And I didn't object. I transitioned til my natural ends were long enough to put in a ponytail, and then she gladly snipped off my permed ends, and I was perm free.

Lol, it was my mama that saved me. :)

Anonymous said...

my mom didn't approve but she never tried to dissuade me. She made sure i knew why i was doing it and we talked about what it was like for her growing up with natural hair (she hated it). Even thought she didn't approve, she was the one to put in my first natural hair roller set :) she's awesome

Anonymous said...

My mom was totally in denial when I told her I was transitioning from perm to natural. She was totally in shock when I did my BC 6 months later. Famous line that cracks me up still to this day: "You didn't get a man with the long relaxed hair, you think you are going to get one now." SMDH

OH MOTHERS! It didn't phase me or bother me. Hair grows back and now that she seees that, she gets excited. "Oh yes, you will have hair at your wedding." (Mind you I'm single) SMDH

p.s. my dad was worse!

ShakLand said...

My mom made me get a perm when I was I think 11 because my hair was so thick and long - she just didn't have time to do it anymore, and mom ALWAYS made sure we looked kept! (at this point I had 3 other siblings, so I understand). When I finally took over caring for my own hair, my mom loved what I would do with it and when I went completely natural she loved it, always complimenting my hair styles. The one thing that I could tell bothered her was me always cutting my hair, but not to the point that she would be disrespectful. I think she felt guilty for making me get a perm in the first place, especially seeing all that I can do without chemicals now. I always loved my big wild hair, always wore it with pride and I think that when she sees me being me, she's happy for that.

Anonymous said...

My mother, out right said "No."
However, her response was like that, from the way I worded it. After deciding to go natural, I called her up and basically said "What would you say, about me cutting off most of my hair?"

After a long talk, and explanation, she was very supportive. She was even the one who suggested that I transition, and grow my hair out, before cutting it. It meant a lot to me.

mynaturalstate said...

My mother called me "bald-headed". I had the BC in May 2010, and I sent her a picture of it right after. Her exact comment was "I don't like it. You're bald-headed". This hurt me deeply after all little girls are always looking for their mothers' approval. It took me a couple of days to call, and let her know that the comment was hurtful. After 9 months, she's talking about going natural as well.

Anonymous said...

Well my mother said that my hair was "too rough" to go natural. Mind you this was someone whose father forbade her and her sisters from talking about good hair, as he considered all hair to be good.

She still makes the occasional snide remark, but fortunately I can ignor them as we live separately. Just last night, (Friday),I had her touch it, and she agreed that it was indeed soft.

Anonymous said...

Oops that should be "ignore"

Anonymous said...

My Mom was supportive. She said I could rock anything.

MelMelBee said...

My mom was THRILLED! She has been natural for the past 15 years, and insisted that the creamy crack was damaging my hair. She'd always tell me, "your hair used to be beautiful, but you dyed it and fried it, so now look". In fact, she didn't want me to get a relaxer, but I insisted because everyone else(including her) had one.

I got my first relaxer right before my 13th birthday. I remember it too, I had on a golden swishy sweatsuit and a fresh pair of reebok classics. My hair was all blowing in the wind and stuff. I just knew I was sharp (until it started breaking off, thinning and falling out!..LOL...Sorry for my digression.

She was and is my inspiration!

MelMelBee said...

@sweetdrk1...my mom said the same thing, when I came home the weave cut out of my hair and my curls popping...she cried too!!!

@melanie...it's spooky that we have the same name...and a similar story...weird! LOL

Anonymous said...

Its scary that one chick didn't know who Angela Davis was. All I can say is wow. Learn your history.

Anonymous said...

My mom was angry I cut my hair, but she was happy because my hair texture wasn't nappy. You should see her silly ass Colgate smile whenever someone gives me a compliment. Like my hair texture was passed down from her or something!!! PLEASE!!!!

Dark and lovley said...

MY mother asked me "what did she do to deserve this" i was finally convince (hassled by my family to the point of exhaustion for a yr) that I relaxed my hair but hated the look and hid it under braids… it was over this time that I decided to cut it again when I left for uni. And tomorrow makes one yr of being natural lol she has gotten over it an my sister is transitioning ( only took 3 yrs)

Cat Fatale said...

My mum didn't like the idea of me cutting my hair and was tottally against but i knew i had to do it regardless because i knew it was something my hair needed due to the damgage. She complains less now as my hair grows longer.

Cat
http://catfatale.blogspot.com/

Annie L. said...

My mom has always been hesitant, though never negative. She even had an afro during the 70s (though now relaxes) and says 'that was the style THEN', Lol! She's from the DEEP South where long, 'good' hair is platinum and grew up with the hot comb and 4 plaits, and raised me and my sister that way until my stylist-in-training cousin talked her into relaxing my very long curls at 7. From then it was a 20 yr battle with relaxers full of pain and shame which my mom secretly felt responsible for :(

She isn't in love w/braids, locs or weaves, still says 'good hair', and most approves of naturals who press or have naturally straight to loose curly hair. But she's helpful and sweet, teaching me how she maintained her fro and my hair as a child (we come full circle, huh?!). She's also most comfortable with natural, conservative styles like smooth buns, french braids, face-framing spirals and hanging curls kept in check by 2 side braids or a barrette in the back, and thinks most home projects straight or curly look messy, so she's always harping about the salon, Lol!

Anonymous said...

My mother told me I looked like a boy when I showed up at her house after my BC when I was 25. When I started my locs at 27 she said they looked crazy until the started to get enough length and weight to hang, then she was suddenly full of compliments, lol.

Anonymous said...

I didnt tell anyone really so i just cut my hair. She was shocked at first but now is trying to get use to it even though she often comments it looks dry! IT DOESNT! she just dont know no good hair lol! My dad who had done my hair for years tried to talk me out of transitioning!

Bronlynn T. said...

My mom has been natural off and on since before I was born. When I told her I was going natural she told me "If that's what you want to do, but why would you want to do that". That really confused me because she had an Afro through my sophomore and junior years of high school. She knows I tend to to cut my hair off at random times and I've had various colors. I've always been very extreme with my hair styles. Well when I BC'ed last May she frowned at me and said "I don't know about this." Well in January she started giving my tips on how to make my Afro bigger then when I blew it out last month, she took a picture and showed all of her co-workers because she was so excited and they actually loved it when she had her afro. Now she's considering going back natural.

Sieta said...

My mom was supportive and so was my cousin. They were more into it than I was. They told me when to protective style and also told me not to wash my hair all the time because of the hard water. I've got a lot of support and I am so happy that I did.

gs said...

I could tell that my mom was choosing her words carefully. I was away when I did the big chop and started flat twisting my hair. She seemed to like it when it was short, but as it grew longer was when I started to hear the "do you think that looks professional?" and "why don't you just get a wig" comments. It was partly because she was just trying to get me to conform to what she saw others doing and partly to protect me. Sometimes you just need to be strong in your own self and convictions and let stuff go in one ear and out the other.

Lady Jaye said...

my mom and dad enthusiastically asked if i wanted them to pay for me to lock it. they love it, esp when it is in twists.

this is coming from the people who 5 years ago would have said locks are of the devil, lol.

Anonymous said...

My mom LOVES my 8yr old daughter's natural hair but she hated mine when I BC. She told me she didn't like it AT ALL. Fast forward to a little over a year later and now my mom has grown out her perm and recently did her own BC!! :-)

Anonymous said...

When I big chopped and asked if she liked it, she just giggled (she's 80) and said "you're in style". When it got a little longer she asked "how do you get the curls".

Anonymous said...

Unfortunately my mom is deceased. But I think she would be pleased that I have gone "natural". She never really wanted me to get a perm, back in the day, (late 70's). I wanted to because everyone else was doing it in our high school and it made it easier to manage my hair with a relaxer. But like most of you, my hair was always breaking off from the "creamy crack".

Also interesting that a lot of your moms had a hard time embracing your decisions, in some cases, down right harsh. But then once they saw the freedom of being natural and how you were "rocking" your look and quite frankly taking a stand, they wanted to start being natural too. I think that was what Angela Davis was doing long ago, going against the grain. It's hard going against what society thinks, but I am here to testify, once you go natural, you never go back.....

Shalaymiah said...

Hmm..good one!! My Mother however encouraged me almost pressured me into going natural..lol my hair was at it's worst state an although I could have jus cut it an relaxed it because of my mother support I BC..and I love it!! I wish I had done it sooner,now I try to incourage (friendly pressure) N.Eone who have concidered.. Thanks MOMMY!!

Napfrocurlzgirl said...

My mom was probably born with a perm, but at age 75, she's thinking twice about letting it go after seeing and feeling my natural hair. She was opposed to it at first because she thought my hair would fall out or break off, but not anymore. She's at least trying my homemade hair butters and actually loves using them! I'm going to convert her yet!

Anonymous said...

O LORD! And she says this because even though she is all natural, her hair texture is much different from mines not like a 3 or anything but the structure is different and less kinky than mine. I guess she remembered the horror stories of my hair from when she used to have to deal with it. I wasnt offended at all, everyone has their own preference. I dont expect everyone to adjust to the way I want or like my hair. Cant shove your likes down someone else throat and expect yourself to be full

Alice said...

My mom shrugged it off. She's used to me doing this like this.

My dad was more interesting--"It's about time! Now you can focus more on your studies instead of doing your d---- hair"

>.<

Alice
Alice in Nappyland

Leo the Yardie Chick said...

My mother spent a year trying to convince me to go natural, whereas I was the stubborn one who stuck it out with relaxers. I have memories of having my scalp hauled and pulled when she'd comb and wash my hair as a child, and I wasn't about to relive that experience!

Eventually, even I had to admit that my hair was looking quite homely and relaxer burns every 2 months wasn't a thrill - not to mention had on a student's pocket. I transitioned (much to my mother's joy) for a year, did some research, and learned to wash and comb my hair properly. Now, the only thing she complains about it that I take 'too long' to wash it. I have very thick hair, Ma! You can't 'hurry up' with it! XD

Ashley said...

My mom was pretty unsupportive of me going natural when I first told her, which is kind of crazy because I didn't get a relaxer until I was about 15 and I had only been relaxed for 3 years. I think she was just afraid that I wouldn't know how to take care of my hair because she had such a hard time with my sister and i's hair when we were little (my mom has like 2a hair and my sister and i both have 4a-4b hair, but my sis just keeps it in weaves constantly). She would make little snide comments and didn't outright say that she didn't like the fact that I was transitioning, but I could just tell. She also started breaking down crying when I wanted to cut my hair short into a fro and thought I would look like a lesbian/attract lesbians and was just making my hair into this big huge fiasco. Anyway, I ended up getting it cut short and she absolutely LOVES it! And now she's all about natural hair and said that she hopes other girls are willing to go natural too :) it was a rocky road with her, but everything is all good now so I'm happy!

Moni said...

Ashley that's really great that your story had a happy ending.

My mom was supportive all the way. Actually she's been transitioning for a year now. I'm so proud of her and her dedication.

RaeShouna said...

My mom was supportive all the way. Although I think she felt a little left out because she did not get to see my twa. My dad loved it! he said you look like you did when you were a baby...awww lol! He was glad because he knows how harmful relaxers are. My mom however did BC about 4 months after I did. She had been thinking about locs for 10+ yrs so when I went natural it was easier for her to do it because she knew I would help her with tips and products. The rest of my family had nothing bad to say. They like long hair sure, but thick full hair is more of what is cherished as compared to length.

Amanda said...

Celebrating a year of transition this week...yahh me!!!! lol....I am a senior in college and my mom absolutely hates it. She doesn't understand the need to go natural if your hair is fine with a perm. I told her that I just wanted to experiment with my own texture and tried to encourage her to do the same. I am done convincing people and sharing tips and ideas that are not trying to listen.

Anonymous said...

My mom had been begging me for years to go natural even though she relaxes her hair. My mom always admired my curls and didn't allow me to get a relaxer until I was 12. I like my curls but I didn't know what to do with them and neither did my mom. The little girl hairstyles were just not cool with me anymore but that was the only thing she knew how to do. Finally I was only enough to do my own research and was able to go back to my natural state and my mom was very happy about my decision.

Anonymous said...

My mom's serious response- "What are you, some kind of hippie or something? "Why don't you just go live in the woods or something!"

My response- "Ummkay mom!"... roll my eyes and kept it moving.

Anonymous said...

My mama is a beautiful natural with a head full of long, healthy hair...she was happy I was coming back to my roots. Yaay!

~CurlyBlasian

Anonymous said...

It hurts to see how negative some of these reactions are. I guess I take for granted that everyone generally approved of my BC and the only one beating me up about it was myself. But I admire everyone who faced the hardship of having a mother who didn't (or doesn't) understand. To still go through with it all and proudly be yourself takes so much strength. Though sad, these stories are also very motivational to a new not-very-confident natural. If someone told you that you couldn't, don't ever forget that you did anyway - and looked damn good doing it! =)

Chelsea said...

My mother was TOTALLY against it!! Growing up, she has always told me that your "hair is your crown and glory." We were always getting into arguments about how I would wear my hair. Now that she has seen how everyone else loves it, she now likes it.

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