In which I take my own advice and just start writing.
Because I know that I desperately need to shut my mind up and open up to my soul. Here, in this space, I need to reconnect. Getting back to the days when I would write blog posts that weren't planned, that weren't centered around a product launch or a series, but were necessary simply because the words needed to come out and be felt. Sometimes my words are little warriors, and I send them out to look for signs of life when I'm fighting a battle. Is anyone else out there fighting this battle, too? Let's fight together. This is what they whisper, in between the lines.
My battles aren't like they used to be. There's no drama or chaos. I'm not fighting with anyone. My battles now take place between my heart and my mind as I make decisions and choose my steps and protect my energy. As I go through my day and face all kinds of distractions, I'm holding fast to what I believe, staying open, flowing freely and being intentional about what I do and where I put myself. Unwanted situations come and go, but my battles are only ever with myself.
I see other ambitious women out there doing a million zillion things at once -- clients, workshops, traveling, networking, creating, promoting and more. This energy first inspires me, then it overwhelms me. Honestly, my head starts to spin and I burn out quickly when I catch myself drifting into that lane. But when I sit still and look inside, I know that I want to write books and learn how to garden and get serious about yoga again and most of all, soak up every moment of my kids' childhoods because it's all passing by so quickly.
So I tell myself:
Your gifts are different.
Your desires are different.
Your reasons are different.
Your methods are different.
So of course your path will be different.
Stop comparing yourself.
I'll be 38 in November. I'm not confused about what I want anymore. I want simplicity. I want creative freedom and purpose. I want space and clarity. I want sustainability and security. I want privacy and escape. I left the rat race for a reason. God forbid I create another one for myself by getting caught up in what other people are doing.
Remembering who I am and what I want gave me the conviction to get back to writing. So here comes my third book. This book is jealous of the rest of my life and it feels like I should be spending all my time writing. Anytime I work on something else I feel like I'm cheating, like the book is going to spite me when I come back to it by not letting itself be written. I joke, but every creative project develops a shadow at some point in the process, as you face your own resistance to pouring it out. The only way to outsmart my doubts is to get out of my head and let myself breathe through the words. Don't think about the writing. Write. This is also true for life. Don't overthink it. Live. Learn as you go. Shape as you go. Create as you go. Do it naturally. Do it without fear.
I'm changing. I'm becoming this person I've seen in the distance for a long time. Day by day, the picture evolves and becomes a little clearer. I'm seeing certain things up close and realizing that they aren't what they seemed when I was looking from far away. The details look different, the textures feel different, but it's all still somehow familiar. This...stripping, this constant process of becoming who you already are, makes life so trippy and ironic. I've spent years going through complicated, messy things to now recognize and appreciate the simple life I've always wanted.
Simplicity requires creativity. Use more of what you already have and be more of who you already are.
Listen. I wrote most of this freestyle, so I hope the message comes across >> Remember who you are and don't get caught up. Love you, Lovers. If this message speaks to you, connect with me below.