IG @abigail.martina

by Toia B. of luvtobnatural.com

We’ve all got those remarks that make us cringe when we hear them. Well, instead of the mini rants that I tend to do among friends or on my own Instagram page via perfectly-crafted memes, here’s a lil roundup of the natural hair comments many of us would rather not hear!

“You’re not REALLY natural because…”

Ugh. Who made these people mayor of Natural Hair Town? Okay, okay… true. There ARE certain situations where women are out here claiming their hair is “natural” when it’s plain as day that it isn’t. There are even some cases where, when you break it down, their hair isn’t technically natural (another post for another day). But, look, who am I to tell someone that they can’t be down because they do x, y, z to their hair? Who has that kinda time? Certainly not me. And, really, if they didn’t ask you, zip it.

“I like your hair better when you…”

If there’s one thing I hate, it’s an unsolicited comment (see last sentence of above paragraph). Listen, you may not understand why your daughter/wife/girlfriend/sister/BFF/coworker decided they don’t want to chemically relax their hair anymore, but she’s got enough to worry about when it comes to her hair. She certainly doesn’t need you telling her what you prefer, especially if she didn’t ask you! Do you really think that because you state such an opinion that she’s gonna run to the nearest salon and slap a relaxer in her hair? Please. It’s not about you. Nine times out of ten, we don’t care.

“Natural hair isn’t for everyone!”

Are you actually telling me that the hair that naturally grows out of your scalp is not FOR… you?! Ummm.

Okay. Maybe y’all just aren’t saying what you really mean, ’cause that can’t be it. That’s like saying your dark skin, brown eyes or that mole on your cheek isn’t “for you”. Maybe what you SHOULD say is, “I don’t think I (or “not everyone…”) can handle the upkeep and maintenance of natural(ly textured) hair”, or something to that effect. But if it grows from your head, surely you’re physically capable of wearing it that way. The question is, do you want to?

Some just don’t feel like dealing with it… and that’s fine. Most times, it’s just about learning what your hair can do, the options you have. One look at Instagram under #naturalhairstyles and you’ll see just how versatile naturally textured hair is! And upkeep doesn’t have to be as involved as you might think. With some research and a dose of patience, you can do it!

“I can’t go natural because I don’t have ‘good hair’.”

…or “because I don’t have 3F, 2P, Q, R, S, T hair”. Ugh! I’m so done. I’ll speak on what I think about hair typing at a later date but please, staaaahhp! This comment actually makes me a little sad. Thanks to years of society telling us (either directly or through mainstream media) that tightly coiled, kinky, spirally hair is not beautiful, many have been left feeling like they can only wear their natural hair if it has a certain type of curl.

Chile, boo… whatever curl pattern you have on that head of yours is beautiful. God didn’t make any mistakes! Sure, it may take some time to get used to dealing with a texture of hair that you probably haven’t seen since you sported pigtails but I assure you, all hair is good. ALL!

“You’ll never get a man with your hair like that!”


This has got to be one of the harshest natural hair comments yet. With all the men — of various races — who love, appreciate and often times would rather a woman who wears her hair in its natural state, I can’t believe this is a thing. Are people really still saying this?! I just…

I’ve had one too many friends and acquaintances tell me that they’ve heard this comment from… their mothers!

Really, mom?! C’mon. How about some encouragement? I get that there’s this whole generational thing and in your day (post 70s, of course) the thing to do was get those kinks out if you wanted to look “presentable”. But, what a thing to say! No. Guess what? It’s a brand new day! If a man can’t appreciate and accept a woman with all the things that make her who she is then he’s not worthy of her anyway. *drops mic*

I’m done… for now. LOL!

Let’s chat.

What are some natural hair comments that you just can’t STAND to hear? How have you dealt with them?


Toia B. is a Corn Flake-loving wife and mom from Brooklyn, NY. In addition to hair, she writes about style and mommy life at LuvToBNatural.com. Since embracing her natural hair texture in 2009, Toia's aim has been to share what she's learned to help others embrace their own natural beauty.

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