Tell It Tues: Natural Born Cheaters? Men & the Stigma That Haunts Good Ones



Jay-Z on CNN with Van Jones
By Ta-ning Connai

If Beyonce can get cheated on, what kind of hope is left for us mere mortals? I mean, her name probably stands for Sexy Singing Goddess of Music and Dance! Yet all that amazing mix of talent, beauty and love didn't stop Jay-Z from committing the devastating act that he openly addressed in this past weekend’s interview with CNN’s Van Jones. I am HIGHLY impressed by the remorse he expressed and his determination to repair the marriage he nearly destroyed. And as much as I'd like to keep having an attitude with him, I have no choice but to finally let it go. Whew, I feel lighter already!

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Jay-Z sits with Van Jones

Are men natural born cheaters? Is the implication true that, "Men will be men, boys will be boys?" The worst defense I ever heard was, "We can't help it, we were born that way." Oh please don't even get me started...Ooops, too late... BORN that way??? So you're telling me that men were, instead of being created to be the Patriarch and head of the family, to honor his wife and be a godly example to his children, were actually created to DESTROY their family with their insatiable sex drive and inability to have control over their animalistic instincts to do whatever they want, so their wives can lose all sense of themselves after all they've sacrificed isn't enough?!!! (Whoa. Ok Ta-ning, take a deep breath). Yeah right, blame it on God, like cheating is part of His magnificent design, so that men bare no accountability for their willful indiscretions. Um no. That's just an excuse for anyone not willing to let God change their heart and renew their minds to His way of engaging in (and maintaining) meaningful, committed relationships.

 It can be done.

I used to know a girl who dated married men for sport. And each time her dreams of "Happily Ever After" never came true (men rarely leave their wives for the side chick), she fully embraced the notion that ALL men are dogs. So one day she goes on a tangent about, you guessed it, all men are dogs. My first evil thought was , "Well, just because you slept with MOST of them doesn't mean you know ALL of them." I know, that's so wrong. So instead, I took the kinder approach and said, "I know it seems like they're all bad, but you just have to meet the ones that don't cheat. " Well, if I knew she was gonna chew me up, spit me out and call me every name including naive, gullible, blind and ridiculous, I would have shut that whole convo down with what I REALLY wanted to say. But I held back because I knew she was bitter from being emotionally battered.

She went on to support her distorted belief with statistics based on all the men she's ever dated, ever been friends with or ever heard about. And even though that pretty much covered the entire planet, I went on to tell her that, although nobody's perfect, there are some men who honor God enough not to intentionally break a woman's heart. It's about finding a man that has accountability and practices discipline; one that doesn't succumb to every impulse he has, especially if it's wrong. The look on her face was one of bewilderment, because I'd rather doubt if she'd ever heard that before. All I hope is that she believed me because I was telling her the absolute truth. All men don't cheat and the ones that do can change too.

So, is the commandment "Thou shall not commit adultery" easier said than done? You bet. In fact, if the attempt to refrain is within one's own strength, it just may be impossible. And with the power of seduction less avoidable these days thanks to technology, the media and butt implants, it can seem downright hopeless to expect your relationship to survive without the stain of infidelity. But here's the good news. God does not command anything He won't help support. He never intended for us to go it alone. His word says that, "...with men it's impossible, but with God all things are possible" (Philippians 4:13). He says that we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us (Mark 10:27).

So whether you've been shattered by your father's betrayal against your mother or the reckless wanders of your first true love...there's hope. God can redeem the time and heal your broken heart. He can replace all that was lost and give you reason to trust again. And for the men doing damage, there's even hope for you too. Monogamy is not a punishment, it's a gift. So take that person created just for you and treat them like the prized possession that they are, let God show you how. And when you do, you'll get treated the same and then some. As they say, what goes around comes around!

 Are men natural born cheaters? Can men who cheat change?
TA-NING is a former model and clothing designer who one day got the "call" to leave the fab world of fashion behind. While in Bible College, she discovered her knack for mixing her quirky style of writing with her gift to teach. TA-NING'S TELL IT TUESDAY is a weekly column (originally launched on Facebook) that uses doses of pop culture to tear down the walls of churchy tradition, change the face of Christianity, and present it's message in a lively way. Ta-ning resides in Santa Monica (by way of BK), is obsessed with dogs, and is an old school Hip-Hop junkie!

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