How Long Should You Feel Shy Around Your Man?


Offset & Cardi B
By Veronica Wells

I find myself enamored with Cardi B Whether I agree with everything she says or does, or not, I’m interested. The other day, Cardi launched an Instagram Live video and invited her fiancĂ©, father of her future child, Offset, to take part in the discussion. I guess she wanted to talk to her fans and her man at the same time.

I didn’t watch the whole thing but for the few seconds I was tuned in, I noticed that Cardi wasn’t showing her full face, and she repeatedly asked Offset not to look at her.

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Lovebirds
“Babe, don’t look at me! You know I get shy when you look at me while I’m talking."
I could tell from the other people who were in the chat that they thought her refusal to make eye contact was cute. I assume they took her shyness to represent the depth of her feelings. I watched the whole exchange and was thoroughly confused by it. And if I’m being honest, more than a little judgmental. After all, this man’s seed is currently growing inside of Cardi. Why is it so difficult to look him in the eye? I clicked out and went on to the next story.

But there is something about Becalis. She gets in your head. For the next couple of days, I found myself wondering what her inability to have her man look at her really meant. Is it a good or bad sign to feel shy around the person you plan on marrying?

The whole thing reminded me of some internet wisdom I stumbled across when I was in my early twenties. I can’t locate the exact quote but, to paraphrase, the thought was: When you find “the one,” there won’t be any nervousness or butterflies in your stomach. Instead, you’ll experience a sense of peace and comfortability that lets you know you can be your true self around this person.

Essentially, the author of this concept proposed that finding the person you’re supposed to be with forever is like discovering an entirely new location and realizing it’s home. For some reason that sentiment always stuck with me. And has proven true for my life. Dating new people or the same person, there was always a very small part of me that felt a bit censored. If I do this, will it be okay? Will he still like me? If I bring this issue up, will we have a falling out and stop speaking for a year? (True story)

From the first day I met my now fiancĂ©, I didn’t feel an ounce of that. Of course, I wanted him to like me. But I made no attempts to shield, sugarcoat or suppress the real me. He was going to know what he was getting into. And the thought of being my true self with a man was not only comfortable, it was liberating.

I wanted Cardi to know that feeling.

The more I thought about this thing, comfort versus shyness, I started thinking about examples of women who expressed some level of discomfort in doing or saying things around their partner. I remember a former co-worker told me that as far as her husband knew, women didn’t fart...ever. “Ladies, don’t do that.” Her husband was never privy to that side of her. They’re divorced now.

I asked another friend about this whole thing. Before sharing the Cardi example, she said that sexually she’s felt some insecurity around her body, her breasts (longer than she’d like) and her stomach (bigger than she’d like.) She also mentioned not wanting to fart in front of romantic partners either.

Gas is a common theme.

After I shared the Cardi example, she understood.

“Oh yeah I can relate. Staring, followed up with a compliment saying how pretty I looked or something?? I’d be like, ‘Don’t do that.’

Interesting.

Eventually, I asked myself are there things I’m too shy to discuss with my man? I would be lying if I said there weren’t some topics that made me feel a little squishy. Sexual fantasies being one of them. I can articulate what I’d like… or what I think I’d like. But the language, is easy to get tripped up on. Do I use a colloquialism or the biological term? Does this expression exude the type of sexy I’m trying to convey? And God forbid, I try to be sexy and he finds it corny.

This is why I have to keep Cardi around. She reminded me that we all have our things. There are no hard set rules when it comes to relationships and what will make one more “successful” than the other. And internet wisdom, encapsulated in a few sentences, doesn’t do much to express the intricacies, complexities and innumerable variations of love.

Are you shy around your man?
Veronica Wells is the culture editor at MadameNoire.com. She is also the author of “Bettah Days” and the creator of the website NoSugarNoCreamMag. You can follow her on Facebook and on Instagram and Twitter @VDubShrug.

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