People Praise Virgins But Only If They Fit A Certain Beauty Standard

MC Tokyo Vanity
 By Lauren R.D. Fox

Louisiana female MC Tokyo Vanity, known for her viral hit “That’s My Best Friend,” made her debut on VH1’s Love and Hip Hop Atlanta and caused a bit of a stir on the internet recently. Earlier this season, the 23-year-old New Orleans native revealed she’s a virgin and not ready to “play house” with her boyfriend Tabius. During her confessional, Tokyo explained that she’s not waiting for religious reason nor is she waiting for her wedding night, but instead saving for herself until she is ready to be “knocking them boots” with Tabius or whoever. 

And as the born and bred New Yorker that I am, I silently said “‘aight, gucci,” to her plan as I watched the LHHATL episode because family planning should start before intercourse occurs. 
It helps give the single and coupled up against an opportunity to discuss what they expect out of their sex life and most importantly if they are solely participating in the activity for orgasms, babies or an audition for Cirque Du Soleil. Nevertheless, Tokyo’s statement was filled with authenticity and practicality because if you’re not ready to do something, well, don’t do it. Unfortunately, Class-A social media critics believed there is another reason why Tokyo Vanity still has her V-card.

“It’s because she has no other option,” one commenter wrote under The Shade Room’s Instagram report of the rapper, referring to her plus-size shape. Another person said it’s not surprising to learn Tokyo is a virgin but it is surprising to see Tabius is faithful to her, because if he’s not receiving sex from her, he must be receiving the ill-na-na from someone else. This cliche reasoning is problematic because despite Tokyo or any woman taking ownership of her sexuality and how she chooses to negotiate it, people (will usually) water it down to a man’s needs and gaze.

I remained a virgin throughout college for a number of reasons. The guys I dated didn’t want to deal with the emotional ramification they believed came with having sex with a virgin. They believed once they have intercourse with me (or any virgin), obsession will entail. However, when our relationships dissolved, they would ask me if I was still a “good girl,” or did I do the deed so they can be next in line. Keeping track of my progress allowed them to fantasize about the “what-if” aspect and control how much accountability they would accept. This totally erased what I wanted out of the sexual relationship.

Women also subscribe to this mentality. A college female classmate told me it was unfortunate that I was a virgin because I have d-ck-sucking-lips (DSLs) and men love to be pleased by those especially. Because fellatio is normalized as something that must be done, women rarely voice that they may not like it or are totally grossed out by how their partner taste. Though, there is much discussion on how women must taste like a variety of fruits and their genitals should look prepubescent.

Sandra Shehab
America’s Next Top Model (ANTM) Cycle 24 contestant Sandra also disclosed on the VH1 network that she is a virgin, as well. She, however, was not subjected to critique because of her physical appearance. The Kim Kardashian lookalike received praised for being able to “hold on to her purity” because of her striking looks and occupation: an Instagram model. In numerous confessionals, Sandra revealed that people rarely believe she’s a virgin or Muslim because of the connotation that Instagram models are sexually deviant. Travel Blogger Laura Powell shared similar sentiments. She says friends often try to persuade her to have multiple sex partners because of her voluptuous shape. Powell also alluded that people try to classify women’s sexual experiences or lack thereof based on their skin color and overall behavior.

“You are a prize and you are a gift. Know your worth and know yourself. What're you rushing for? You're going through the same thing with men that a woman who's having sex is going through,” Tokyo Vanity told VH1 News Blog, and that is a proverb in itself. 

Is their a misconception that virgins who don't fit a certain beauty standard can't get it?
Lauren R.D. Fox is a Guyanese-American pop culture/beauty editor and writer who has an undying love for soca fetes, poulorri, New Orleans and deep conditioners. After graduating from SUNY Geneseo with a dual concentration in American and Black Studies, she became a journalist and social media manager. Lauren has previously written for MadameNoire, Mayvenn Hair, Wetpaint, Enstarz, Her Agenda, Zora Magazine and B.Couleur Magazine. Follow her at @LOLOTHEFOX.

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