The Problem With Making Other Couples Your Relationship Goals

Tasha and Ghost of Power
By Erickka Sy Savané

I came across this tweet by a woman who started watching early episodes of Power and came to the conclusion that Tasha (played by Naturi Naughton) and Ghost (played by Omari Hardwick) were goals. And while there was a collective belly laugh that exploded throughout the internet (more on that later) it was easy to see why this viewer would see it that way. Tasha and Ghost seem to have it all: a Manhattan apartment fit for a king and queen, beautiful kids, and a rock solid relationship that endured him going to prison, what's not to get in your goal-envying feelings about?

Well, the jokes immediately start rolling in from the tweet, that also got shared on IG, with folks in hysterics....

bonfayah Bruhhh she's about to be shooketh 😢😭
nubianhipsy_It only lasted for a second sis, couple episodes in they both showed they are a shit couple 😂😂
fantadiamantLMFAOOOOOOO
toodopeforrehab@king_auvilau yeah you watched the last episode ?
_dame_fuego_@annamichelle.040 WOOOOOOW ihr Herz wird genau so schmerzen

Because it doesn't take long into the season to discover that Tasha and Ghost have more drama than a Shakespearean play. And while it may have been funny to see this woman so innocently duped by what she saw on the surface of Tasha and Ghosts' relationship, the truth is, it happens to many of us all the time. How many times have we looked to couples we thought were #SuperRelationshipGoals just to find out something different once we got a closer look? 

It happened with a couple I knew who looked so perfect that they had me looking at my own relationship with a side-eye. That was until he cheated on her with one of our friends in the messiest way. They ended up staying together, but let's just say they were no longer anyone's goals after that. 

It happens a lot with celebrity couples. We put them on a pedestal, make them our relationship ideal,  just for them to throw a curve ball into our perfect picture. It happened with Jay and Bey where it took a very public elevator spat and an album called 'Lemonade' to show us that smiling pretty on a yacht doesn't equal an enviable relationship. It happens when couples like Mary J. Blige and her manager/ex-husband Kendall, Grey's Anatomy's Jesse Williams and Aryn Drake-Lee and even Tamar and Vince breakup, showing us that they never really had the key. We're continuously bombarded with 'perfect' couples on IG and Facebook to the point that we have to take a social media break just to keep our sanity. All these goals but where do they lead?

Rarely do we look at that simple couple who have been thugging it out in our own family as goals. My mom was just telling me about a cousin whose relationship started off as the opposite of ideal. She got pregnant as a teen and left town in shame to have her baby elsewhere. When she came back a few years later, she was married to someone else. Eventually, that marriage ended, and she reconnected with her first boyfriend (and baby's father). They ended up getting married, having 3 more kids, and have been married, happily, for over 50 years. What didn't start off as a goal, now looks goaly to anyone looking for a relationship based on love and longevity. 

So the question becomes, how do we choose our relationship goals? 

Barack and Michelle
We choose ourselves. No one has the answer, not even Barack and Michelle who have been together for 25 years. Of course you can look at the things you like about relationships you see, I get all warm and tingly every time I see the Obamas, but don't get confused with thinking that it's better than what you have or can potentially have with your own mate. Have better. Reach for the skies. Give your relationship the time, attention, patience, love, respect and adoration it deserves and you can be someone else's goals. Let them figure out how you do it.

Do you get caught up thinking that other couples are better than yours?
Erickka Sy Savané is managing editor of CurlyNikki.com, a wife and mom, based in Jersey, City. Her work has appeared in Essence.comEbony.comMadamenoire.com and more. When she’s not writing...wait, she’s always writing! Follow her on Twitter and Instagram or ErickkaSySavane.com

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