"I never saw beauty staring back at me."- On Loving My Hair and the Catalyst to Change

 

by Tammy of TheHitchConcept


When I started my hair journey almost 20 years ago (not a typo! – it’s really been that long), I stepped all the way into it. I wanted to know everything there was to know. It was as if I was playing catch up after years of not being kind to my hair, not being aware of the beauty that was my hair. It was long overdue. What I discovered during the process was that it really wasn’t about my hair. I mean it was…but not really. I learned some hard truths starting with the fact that not only did I not like my hair, but I didn’t like ME. It was the first step to the healing that I had no idea I needed. 

I was never my biggest fan. I never saw beauty staring back at me when I looked in the mirror but saying it out loud and admitting it to myself hit different. 

Continue!>>>I didn’t present myself in that way, but it definitely manifested in my personal relationships, in my career goals, etc. With a mind full of scorpions, I could not see beyond what was in front of me. Once I started on my healthy hair journey, it became contagious; spreading like a California wildfire into other areas of my life. The journey now included wanting to be physically healthy as well. I began researching what I was eating, learning about the affects of certain foods, I joined the gym, etc. From there, the natural progression was my mental health. This was big because the other things were tangible and easier to change in comparison. Exploring my mental was a horse of a different color. It meant confronting and dealing with past trauma and would prove to be the greatest challenge of the journey. 

Why I didn’t like the way I looked, what was it about me that caused me to not like myself. I started reading self help books, seeking counsel and asking and answering the hard questions. I knew that in order to be successful on this portion of the journey, I had to make conscious decisions to treat myself with kindness. I had to train myself to stop viewing things with an ominous eye and to stop being a co-conspirator in my own demise. Once I started to place value on myself, I required that of others who took up space in my life. It has been the most arduous life assignment I’ve had to date. I am a people pleaser by nature, a perfectionist, and I find it difficult to set boundaries. All of which, I now know, can be a recipe for disaster and classic traits of someone with low self esteem. My inauspicious beginnings set the tone for years of doubt and negativity. The same way I worked on my relationships with others, I worked on my relationship with myself. 

The direct correlation between me seeking healthy hair and a healthy sense of self is clear to me. The message is not always presented in a pellucid fashion. Sometimes it comes without invitation or warning and luckily I was open to receiving it. The journey is never ending but at least I’m finally on the right path. I don’t know if I would’ve achieved the same result by another route but this was my route I am grateful and finally happy to be me. 

 Link to my site: The Hitch Concept.

1 Weigh in!:
AsistaDesigns said...

First, you are beautiful. It takes a lot of courage to tell one's story, when the story doesn't necessarily speak of all of the great things about you, your life. The transparency and vulnerability that you have shown, alone proves growth. Keep going pretty girl! Oh, BTW, love your hair.

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