Comments on Curly Nikki | Natural Hair Styles and Curly Hair Care: Natural Hair, People's Opinions, and Self-Esteem

Thank you so much for this post. I sadly have expe...

2011-10-15T11:57:05.433-04:00

Thank you so much for this post. I sadly have experienced this same reaction from close family members, one being my mother. She takes every opportunity to comment on how she prefers that my hair be straightened. I have 4b texture as well and it took me just recently(I have been natural for 22 months) to appreciate my hair and texture. It took me almost 9 months to go out without a wig out of fear of others reactions. I just have decided to ignore their comments and fully embrace my natural me. I am happy to say I love what I see when I look in the mirror. A more confident me. Thanks again and good luck on your journey. God bless!

@Angelina, being a part of the Air Force I find it...

2011-07-25T21:37:33.781-04:00

@Angelina, being a part of the Air Force I find it to be somewhat of a challenge to maintain the uniform regulations that are made to better suit those of a Caucasian descent as a natural. I wonder if someone will question my hair and sometimes I feel people don't say anything to not be offensive by suggesting I do (relax) my hair the way the other Black girls do to keep it managed. I got yelled at constantly in basic training and technical training for my hair, which was relaxed, but hard to manage. I notice that there is a big wave of women going natural in the service. I like seeing that. There are the women who are relaxed, but do things like dye their hair a "burgundy" color like it's really natural looking and get away with it. So I just keep doing me. I have been to the extreme of being the only Black person AND female in my whole entire building/ work center an it can really put the spotlight on how you carry yourself. So I knew going natural had to be for me and not just a phase. I have been in that place of low self-esteem and poor self image and still struggle with it today so it is important for me to be firm in my choices about my hair and my life. I am glad that all of the ladies here are able to share their stories. I appreciate the thoughts.

See that is the problem with people today. How can...

2010-11-17T04:03:36.566-05:00

See that is the problem with people today. How can someone TELL you that they like your hair other than the way God made it grow out YOUR head!! You should respond back to those people with "hmmm yea well I like your face better if you had a nose job." Your hair, skin, face, body is something you can't fix and why should you have to! People need to understand they are beautiful as they are and watch their comments to others! I have seen ladies with 4 B / C hair with some rocking afros with luscious rich locks which I know my hair will never be able to achieve :( unfortunately and not to mention walking around with hair as soft as cashmere! It is unique to them and beautiful! Its really upsetting that people are so calloused because what they are saying is the way you were made is a defect when its not! You hair is very pretty and you keep strutting your stuff and tell those people to kick rocks and whip you hair back and forth lol

I want details please on how to get the look in th...

2010-05-04T21:03:33.566-04:00

I want details please on how to get the look in the top picture ; gorgeous curls!

Wowwww! This post has really gotten a lot of comm...

2010-02-18T12:31:08.283-05:00

Wowwww! This post has really gotten a lot of comments. That just goes to show how ignorant and naive some people can be. I was just having a similar conversation with a friend of mine. Coworkers thinking it's okay to comment on my "nappy head". When I first BC'd back in July of '09, there were a LOT of negative comments, stares and "girl, what did you do to your hair"s. I, too, almost wanted to revert to the relaxer. I'm soooo glad I didn't give in to those negative comments. Just this week, some of the same ones who had negative comments gave me compliments on how my hair has grown since my BC...it's also very thick. Even my supervisor (a black guy) said, "your hair is really growing. It looks nice. I was scared for you at first."...REALLY?!

My only regret is that I didn't go natural sooner. Well actually I attempted to, but lack of knowledge and negative comments had me slap a perm on before I completely transitioned.

I love my natural hair. I really get frustrated w...

2010-02-08T00:25:28.529-05:00

I love my natural hair. I really get frustrated when I like the way my hair looks, but I get no comments (negative or positive). Then when I flat iron my hair, I get tons of compliments even though my hair doesn't really look great. I feel like some people can only embrace the straight hair even though the curly hair is beautiful.

I decded to transition because I wasn't happy ...

2009-12-26T12:23:17.143-05:00

I decded to transition because I wasn't happy with the way my hair made me feel inside. After doing research, I became completely engulfed with healthy, natural hair. It was more than just a style for me. The entire community seemed to be so spiritually free. My husband's motto is, "If it gives you peace of mind, go for it." That's what it's all about.

OMG! Do Not Delete, girrrrl, I cannot agree more w...

2009-12-22T22:08:36.966-05:00

OMG! Do Not Delete, girrrrl, I cannot agree more with what you said about people flaunting their hair to make you jealous. Every time I do a braid out or twist out I experience a lot of haterade from girls with perms. It's really obvious and immediate. They're eyebrows go up and then they toss or play with their hair. Let's keep it real many black women have similar reactions. They may not snicker or toss their hair at a curly but they def have the feeling of superiority for being part of the status quo. I still prefer my luscious moisturized thick curls to straggly damaged perm hair.

I recently went into the juveniles with my parents...

2009-12-14T23:40:56.656-05:00

I recently went into the juveniles with my parents because they teach incarcerated youth. As I walked past omne boy I heard him talking to another boy saying "that black bald-headed girl..." That was the first ignorant comment I heard since doing my BC in Oct 2009. What really amazed me was that he was clearly darker than me and our hair was the same length. It made me wonder if he has self-hate because of his dark skin. I love my hair and other people should love it just for the simple fact that I'm happy with MY hair.

I love reading about other's experiences with ...

2009-11-13T01:32:06.397-05:00

I love reading about other's experiences with hair. CN.com is the BEST!

Funnily enough, strangers compliment me almost everyday about my hair...and I've had a tighter fade than my husband's, twist outs, straw sets, and a wash n' go for about 5 years. (I like my hair short.) It's my FAMILY that can't take it. My mom once remarked that I looked like a boy, or "someone's African" :( and when I mentioned straightening it just for a different look, my husband's grandmother said, "well, you didn't straighten it for the wedding, might as well leave it like that..." (BTW I had an INCREDIBLE strawset with a champagne silk flower on the side)

What does that even mean, granny?

All I know is I love my hair, I look good, and my husband can't keep his hands off it!

I have found this thread to be sooooo encouraging....

2009-11-10T14:21:36.006-05:00

I have found this thread to be sooooo encouraging. It makes me feel so much better to know that there are so many other naturals out there who have the same experience as I have had with regards to backhanded compliments and negative and sometimes downright nasty responses to their hair. I just wish I had access to the wealth of information and products I have now back in high school, before I relaxed my hair. I used to try to wear my hair in it's natural state, but I tend to be hair styling inept, and so I was especially lost, and eventually just relaxed it. I never had any issues with my relaxed hair...no breakage, thinning, nothing, but after a while it was boring, and so I transitioned without knowing that's what I was doing, I just wanted my old hair back. It's been approx. 5-6 years since I left the relaxer. Sadly, my texture is not exactly as it was pre-relaxer, but it's close enough where I'm not completely sad about it. I can only imagine how gorgeous my hair would be now if I had known what I know now back then...but I am too stubborn to go running back to the relaxer or pressing comb behind a few ignorant people/comments...it does make you angry sometimes but I found in my case I become more and more set in what I want to do, and the comments just fuel me forward. I wish everyone would just let others live in peace and worry about their own lives.

Just wanted to say thanks to you Coren. I have sai...

2009-11-10T13:39:19.071-05:00

Just wanted to say thanks to you Coren. I have said the same thing. 4b hair is definately the so called dreaded hair type. It's amazing how much comments can affect you to the point of thinking that the way your hair grows out of your head is unacceptable or just outright not beautiful. It has been a long journey but thanks to inspiring stories lke yours and blogs like this I get closer and closer every day to loving my highly textured highly coily-kinky 4b hair!

@ Anonymous November 7, 2009 3:43 PM - Adjusting t...

2009-11-10T12:44:06.253-05:00

@ Anonymous November 7, 2009 3:43 PM - Adjusting to and accepting your natural hair can be challenging. You are not "wrong" for not liking your hair...I didn't like my hair either until I learned how to maintain it and realized that it doesn't need to have movement to be fly. After years of relaxing, you have to open your mind and change your definition of beauty. Hang in there...your time will come!

queenofthe4s.blogspot.com

Let's not attack the ladies who feel insecure!...

2009-11-10T11:27:35.417-05:00

Let's not attack the ladies who feel insecure!! It's a natural human feeling. Confidence is great, but I think it's useless without some empathy mixed in there :)

Anyway, each day I am just filled with pride and happiness about just how many women are going natural and how proud and vocal they are about it!! Visiting hair blog and watching 'hair journey' videos on youtube have made my journey all the more wonderful.

I agree that looser curls are often praised above us 4 type girls. I love my kinks, coils, naps, whatever people wanna call them they are mine, I own them with absolute pride and dignity and no one can tell me different. Our hair, especially us 3 and 4 girls, is the most UNIQUE HAIR in the whole world!!! No one has hair like us. We should fee honored and special to have hair that has so much versatility, texture, personality, and flair!

I work in the nonprofit sector and so I see tons of ladies with natural hair. I can imagine that if I worked in corporate America I might get some lame back handed compliments. I have heard the "I like your hair straight better" over the years but who cares?! It's about what I like.

One thing I learned is that constant heat over so many years will change your hair texture. I pressed 2-3 times a week when I was natural about 8 years ago and so when I did try to go 100% natural my hair was a mess. It was damaged and frizzy and crunchy in it's natural state. There was no curl pattern and I had no idea what to do with it. My mom actually encouraged me to do it. But, I didn't have the knowledge I do now. Nor the fantastic natural products!

Boy was I surprised when after I big chopped in February of this year that I has such beautiful lustrious coils! Now, my hair is longer and I can really see and appreciate my curls. I had truly never see my hair in a 100% natural state. I learned how to care for it and condition it. I also learned to just say no to notions pushed on us by a euro standard of hair care. I say no to sulfates and loads of other lab created ingredients. I just say not to frying my hair strands. I just say no to the idea I need to comb my hair. Whatever! I don't manipulate it with tools (except for detangling while I have conditioner in), I just use my fingers as my primary tools, and my curls are so much happier when I just leave them alone!

Yaaay us!

I'd just like to add that I think this post/ t...

2009-11-10T09:18:20.467-05:00

I'd just like to add that I think this post/ thread was useful and important. Someone commented that it felt like a "draining" "pity party." I think overall this blog has an extremely upbeat and inspirational tone. I'd say 99.9 percent is informative, rah-rah and you-go-girl positivity. Every now and then it's okay and healthy to vent a bit to get the negativity out. Because life hands us all a bit of that every now and then. Even psychologists say it's good to get things out and not bottle them up. Vent, commiserate, then move on. This was a rare commiserating thread. So Nikki, I hope you won't shy away from the tougher topics on occasion to keep the natural experience REAL. The FULL spectrum of the natural experience. If someone finds those threads too draining for them they should skip those threads- not criticize or judge those who might find them helpful. There's plenty of sunshine and sparkles here to compensate for an occasional darker topic. (And it was a good idea to follow-up with a repeat of that really cool natural hair compliments thread.)
Thank you for this particular thread.

As a fellow 4 a/b beauty as you, I know how you fe...

2009-11-09T17:47:18.167-05:00

As a fellow 4 a/b beauty as you, I know how you feel. I have not straightened my hair since going natural YET, but will say that at first, all I heard was the question of "why". It made me think in the beginning why did I make this decision...but you know what, its just hair and that does not define me.

Honestly, I get so many compliments on my hair its ridiculous! Lol....I think of that in those times of negativity and or looks.

I was at the mall, walking by a cart with young wo...

2009-11-09T16:20:44.794-05:00

I was at the mall, walking by a cart with young women selling hot irons, and basically showing people how to straighten their hair. One of the girls approches me and asks if she can straighten my hair. I responded,"No, thanks. I like my hair like this."
And do you know what this horrible little girl replied?
"Oh. Really?"
Like, how on EARTH can I ever like the atrocious curls on my head. The NERVE. That was in the summer, and I still haven't straightened my hair. I'm better than that, dammit:-D

I get ignorant comments galore: I had one lady ask...

2009-11-09T10:33:00.298-05:00

I get ignorant comments galore: I had one lady ask me why did I cut off all my long pretty hair? (after I did my BC) Long and pretty???? lol My hair was breaking off, falling out and dry and stringy with the perm.

Women also comment to me all the time that they would go natural IF they had a looser texture. crazy.

Im in the process of transitioning... loving the f...

2009-11-09T10:20:21.458-05:00

Im in the process of transitioning... loving the fluffy braid out. My mom called me eccentric the other day. I guess you could say that rubbed me the wrong way, because how is that considered eccentric?! To me, natural is weird? WTH! My sister chimmed in calling me crazy. It took everything in me to not comment on her dry and highly damaged relaxed hair and my mothers tex-curls. I dont want to be hurtful to others that disagree with my decisions, but with the people close to me, I wish they felt the same. I can only imagine their reaction once I BC, which is part of the reason I have held off so long. I should do what I want, but a mothers opinion always hurts their little girls feeling above anyone else.

Im expericencing this right now. I only straighten...

2009-11-09T09:22:09.397-05:00

Im expericencing this right now. I only straighten my hair twice a year to get a trim and people just gush over how long and pretty it is. On the one hand I know its different from what i usually wear so i enjoy the compliments. But it also saddens me to get those backhanded compliments. But you just learn to deal...It'll get easier to more you love you hair.

I also have 4b/c hair. I have been natural for al...

2009-11-08T17:15:21.495-05:00

I also have 4b/c hair. I have been natural for almost 6 years and only started "wearing" my natural hair very recently (no wigs, braids, etc.) In the past when I have worn my hair natural, my mom and grandmother kept asking me why I won't comb my hair. I tell them that not only is it combed, but it is softer and healthier than ever before. My mom doesn't openly criticize anymore, but I see the look on her face unfortunately. I am still gaining confidence in wearing it, but my husband LOVES it and that helps alot. When I have straightened my hair in the past, people (including the hairdresser) were absolutely amazed at my length because of the major shrinkage I have! But I am learning that length is not what matters, but my hair's health. What good is long hair that always breaks? Coren, your story is not unlike many others with our hair type. I think our hair is more interesting and versatile...disregard the "negative compliments" like I have learned to and you'll be a happier person for it.

Like everyone else I've heard it all. But I th...

2009-11-08T16:04:44.620-05:00

Like everyone else I've heard it all. But I thought about my decision for years before I actually went through with it so I was strong in the face of the haters when I would go from curly to straight. The most vocal were those closest to me of course. It hurt, but I was/am grounded in what I want and like. One of them was a younger cousin, but a year or two after I transitioned her mother asked me to twist her hair like mine. I haven't straightened in almost 5 years, but I was 5 years natural the last time I did. I just basically shook my head at anyone who was throwing backhanded compliments.

Coren, thanks for sending in your post to Nikki. Y...

2009-11-08T15:23:10.894-05:00

Coren, thanks for sending in your post to Nikki. Your own unshakeable sense of self-esteem and self-worth will help others who are new to wearing their hair natural. I've been natural since 2001 and hopefully you can see from all this feedback, that you are not alone in receiving the back-handed compliments. On the rare occasions that I do get a blow out to have my ends trimmed evenly or just to change it up, there are the inevitable so-called "compliments" about how long my hair looks, how sleek/ professional/ serious / put-together/ pretty I look. I don't think people realize that what comes through loud and clear is closer to "normally you don't look professional/ put together/ pretty." Being true to yourself brings its own rewards and the real you will shine through. Family friends and family members used to say my hair looked like a rat's nest or that I should make an appointment for a press and curl - but now they all see how much my natural hair is me. My grandmother has even come around and said she thinks she likes my hair better this way! (It only took seven years!)

I meant to write Sneeches--not Snitches!! LOL

2009-11-08T15:21:17.310-05:00

I meant to write Sneeches--not Snitches!! LOL

This is a little off topic, but it was mentioned i...

2009-11-08T15:19:39.837-05:00

This is a little off topic, but it was mentioned in a prevous post and in other posts I've read on this blog as well as other blogs and hair forums. I've GOT to ask. I've noticed that several people say or write that they're against curl typing. Can somebody who feels this way, please explain why this is? I look at typing just as a descriptive term that's especially helpful when there is no visual or image. (Some people don't like to post photos on the internet.) Curl type is just the circumference of a curl pattern in a strand of hair, right? There's such a range of curl circumferences ,and though an individual's hair is unique, I think there are many cases in which the various categories tend to behave differently with certain products and styling methods etc. Curl pattern is just as important to note as strand thickness, porosity and length, right? A person who wears a size 10 might have better luck wearing the same dress that looks good on another size 10--as oppose to borrowing a size 12's dress. (That's not guaranteed ,of course, because proportions come into play, too, but the odds are a little better.)
There will always be those who subscribe to the misguided notion that kind of curl is "better" than another kind--whether it has a "curl" name or not.
Sorta like the old school "good grade" or "bad grade" of hair thing--as if hair were a cut of beef--prime, choice, select.
So for those who don't like or use curl typing, is this a way to AVOID value judgments?
So it's better or more useful when talking about styling or products to lump it all together with the very broad it's all "curly hair." The problem is not curl typing, but the BAGGAGE that some people bring to it, right? Someone against curl typing break it down for me, please, because I'm confused. When Oprah's hairstylist came up with typing I don't think he was thinking "grades" as in this hair type gets an A for excellent. This type gets a B or C. This type gets a D and this one gets an F. I don't think he was categorizing in a range of pass/fail or good/bad. I think he was just trying to come up a useful way to describe the different curl patterns so people can figure out how to work with and make the most of theirs. But people will always bring their value judgments to things much like the Star Belly and No-Star Belly Snitches in that ol' Dr. Suess book. It never ends. Again, curl typing isn't the issue. People who think of it in terms are pass/fail or good/bad are the problem.