3 Ways to Maximize Your Visibility on the Dating Scene


via xonecole.com by Kiarra Sylvester

Dating? What does that even mean anymore?

Ask around and you'll get a multitude of answers, from hooking up and talking exclusivity with one person. Personally, I'm talking about good, old fashioned dating that allows you to see what's out in the world. By that definition, it's something that I've never partook in but something that feels necessary and that I feel ready to indulge in...finally. But with the world revolving around hookup culture and the apps that support it, how does one even go about doing that on the cusp of 2018?

In knowing exactly what I want, I have a 30-minute bandwidth with apps such as Tinder where I get request to have my p*ssy eatten after minimal dialogue. Don't get me wrong, that's great and all, but I'm not sure it's the proper way to manifest what I intended to manifest from the app. To that point, I'm not so sure that app is any better.

Is the Man You're Dating Financially Responsible to Your Kids?

Ciara, Russell Wilson and Ciara's Son
By Brenda Alexander

Coming into a relationship with children can add layers of difficulties. A mother and child are a packaged deal, so when you date her, you essentially date her kid(s) also. The reality is, there are risks associated with dating a woman with children. And, if you decide to go steady, those risks turn into obligations. There is an expectation that once a man becomes seriously involved that he should take an active role in her children’s lives both emotionally and even financially. But how much should a man contribute financially to his girlfriend’s children? That’s the question and debate that was sparked after this social media post.

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Sorry Ladies, Liking IG Photos is not Shooting Your Shot. This Is.


By Veronica Wells 

Earlier this week, I saw a meme on The Shade Room that didn’t initially strike me as anything special. Usually, I like to go into the comments and check the pulse of the culture to see what people have to say about a certain topic. But with this, I just kept scrolling. Nothing to see there. It wasn’t until I saw my friend like it and then I saw it again on an associate’s page, that I decided to read it again to see if I missed some type of profound truth. Women were actually saying that they consider liking several Instagram pictures in succession to be a form of shooting their shot. 

Chile.

Queen Sugar Got Us Asking If It's OK for Sisters to Dip from the Same Dating Pool?

Nova & Charley of Queen Sugar
By Mwabi Kaira

My parents gave me two sisters, one older and one younger. My oldest sister was three years older than me and my little sister is 18 months younger than me. As teens we pulled from the same dating pool in our small town. They say girls mature faster than boys and it was evident when we exchanged stories in our bedroom about our day and found out that the same boy would try and hit on all three of us. We had many laughs over it. We knew that if one of us liked someone they were immediately off limits. Boys don’t get this memo right away and are just happy to ask everyone for their number until they learn to become selective. Some boys grow into men and still don’t learn that lesson and everyone is fair game; mother, grandmothers, sisters, daughters, everyone.

Which brings me to Queen Sugar.

True Story: The Best Sex I Ever Had Was an Unintentional Hook-Up


By Tiffy Kink

Before we get started, I need you to understand who I am. I like meeting people online, but I don’t like hook-ups. I don’t like the idea of random sex. I’m very boring when it comes to dating to be honest and like things, like my sex life, to be organized. Which is why the best sex I ever had (so far) threw me for a loop.

Is the Man You're Dating Homophobic? Here's How to Find Out

Amanda Seales via her IG
By Veronica Wells

Amanda Seales shares some incredibly interesting stories on her Instagram page. Most of them are told through the lens of activism, but occasionally she’ll sneak in some relationship advice or an anecdote from her own romantic experiences. In one of the more recent ones, she shared why she had to get rid of a f*ckbuddy turned boo after seven years.

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The Future of Dating in the Era of #MeToo


By Dawn Washington

In catching up with an old friend from college who had just started a new job as a clinic director, I asked him what he would do if he was attracted to one of his employees. His response was, "Nothing, because of the MeToo movement." And as I took a moment to celebrate internally and hum that negro spiritual, "Look How Far We Done Come," he went on. "Men are afraid to approach women now." And he said it with an entitled disdain. I'll admit that I felt my eyes narrow and my lip tighten up because I know this dude wasn't sitting before me over our Cuban-style chicken and yuca complaining about the monumental shift that is happening for women. I just knew he wasn't tripping. After all, he is raising two girls of his own and equally important, 3 boys. If anyone needed to be woke on this matter, it was him.

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True Story: I Was Stalked & Harassed by a Man After Three Dates: Part 2


By Tiffy Kink

Part 1 of this story

When my sister and I got home, my mother immediately sensed that something was very wrong. She could see it in our faces. Who would tell it first, my sister or me? As I was about to say it, my sister said it first, I further explained. The look of slight fear came across my mother’s face. Then anger. Not for me, but for the person who dare to put her and her child’s life in danger. We agreed on a course of action that included going to the police station to file a police report.

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True Story: I Was Stalked & Harassed by a Man After Three Dates: Part 1


By Tiffy Kink

In spring of 2013, my sophomore year in college, I met a guy on an app. I had only met up with one guy before him out of the many different guys that hit me up wanting to take me out. While I don’t necessarily allow one experience to generalize another, I will say that the guy I met before was okay and we even ended up in a relationship for a while. It ended abruptly, however, when he transitioned into a new religion and I rejected his invitation to join in said religion. And marriage. I was 19 at the time.

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When Should a Man You're Dating Tell You He's Expecting a Child?

Dominique Perry & Sarunas J. Jackson
By Veronica Wells 

This week, “Insecure” fans were surprised to learn that Dominque Perry, the actress who played Tasha the bank teller, gave birth to a child fathered by her castmate Sarunas J. Jackson, (the man who plays Dro.)

There was a shock factor associated with this revelation not only because no one would have put these two together but also because there was more than a little bit of drama surrounding the entire situation. When Dominque first shared the news of her pregnancy, she made it clear that she was under the impression that she’d have to go it alone...

No Black Men, I'm Not Boycotting Issa Rae

Issa Rae
By Brenda Alexander

When my brother told me that Issa Rae was a trending topic on Twitter recently, I was too pumped thinking the trailer for Season 3 of Insecure was released. Instead, I wasted precious seconds of my life searching the hashtag only to discover pure foolery.

Playing With Fire & Not Getting Burned: Sexual Experimentation w/o the Sex


By Devon Mac

Here's a tale of two break ups:

My brother just ended a serious, year-long relationship just as I was ending a 14-year marriage. What's the first thing we both decide to do? Start dating. Immediately.

What is it about a break up that brings the hoe out of everyone?

It doesn't matter if you had a great sex life or a poor one with your now ex, when it's all over, the first thing many seek out is sex. Rebound, jump off, sex. 

How Women Of Color Are Navigating Dating At Predominantly White Institutions


Trevor Jackson & Yara Shahidi
By Lauren R.D. Fox

I religiously watch the hit series grown-ish because it allows me to reminisce about the college experience I had at a predominantly white institution (PWI). Not only is the show relatable but it sheds light on issues women of color often face in an honest, balanced and digestible manner.

In the middle of the season, one episode pulled at my heartstrings. Titled, “It’s Hard Out Here For a Pimp,” the installment highlighted the dating struggles women of color (WOC) face while studying on a PWI campus. I always assumed women of color who attended schools in metropolitan areas would have a better chance at a diverse dating pool unlike those who matriculated at schools located in rural demographics. Unfortunately, I was wrong. During a conversation with my close friend Desiree, alumnae of Columbia University, I realized our experiences were eerily similar.

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Yay or Nay to Charging Men for Your Number on Dating Apps?


By Veronica Wells

I’ve always thought the conception of online dating was an interesting one. And if I didn’t have such a fear of strangers, it might have been a nice option for me when I was still accepting applications. But that’s not the way the cookie crumbled. And while there are some experiences that I wish I’d had, like swiping or matching with someone who also thought I was attractive, I’ve also heard more than a few horror stories.

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I’m a Christian and I Don’t Date


By Maya Wright

Call it what you want: dating, Christian dating, “Dating with Purpose.” Yes, many Christians do date and the truth is, I’ve heard countless positive testimonies. But for me personally, I choose not to date, and to wait on God. When people hear that, it’s like they instantly think you’re weird, you’re crazy, you’re in a cult, that it doesn’t make any sense. It’s like, “How are you going to meet your mate if you don’t date?”

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How I Learned Not To Date Guys Based On Looks


By Erickka Sy Savané

We were set up by a friend the summer before high school. In those days of living in different neighborhoods and going to different schools, pre-cellphone and internet, it was common to develop a relationship over the phone, without meeting first. It was great because it meant spending hours talking, and getting to know each other. He loved basketball, his friends, and Sade, and once sang her entire album to me one night in an attempt to put me to sleep. Actually, I wasn’t really asleep, and I didn’t have the heart to tell him that I didn’t like Sade. He was just the sweetest guy ever.

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7 Dating Questions To Leave At Home On Your Next Date


By Erma BreAnn

Whoever said getting to know someone was fun, glossed over the beginning stages. Getting to know someone is a long term process. In fact, it is never ending. The first few dates are like making it to Wednesday, we’re just trying to get over the hump. As a young woman feeling stuck in ‘forever single’ status, dating becomes boring. I’ve gone on unoriginal dates just to answer the same questions over and over like a trash song on repeat. I know some questions need to be asked because there are important things we should know about someone, but we could get to the point quicker by asking more direct questions and leaving some irrelevant ones in the past. So to keep you from beating a dead horse on your next date, here are 7 Questions To Leave At Home.

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Is It Possible To Get Out Of The #FriendZone?

Marc C. Nappy.co
By Erickka Sy Savané

“I've been friendzoned,” said my friend L.
“Oh, no, how did that happen?” I ask.
“When we first met I wasn't really ready for anything so I didn't step to her in time,” he explains. “Now she's all booed up with a new man.”
“That's too bad,” I say.
“But I could get out of it if I want to,” he says, confidently.
“How?”
“Patience,” he says. "First, you have to believe there's a chance, and then you have to be willing to be her friend despite the new man. Then when there's an opening, you pounce."
Hmmm...I want to be optimistic, but this is tricky. Past experience says once you've been friendzoned, that's it.

The Politics Of Dating A Woman Who Earned More Money Than Me


By Vince L.
It can be difficult to date, maintain a social life, and balance your career in your early-to-mid-thirties, in New York city. For most New Yorkers, besides family, work comes first and everything else falls into line. I had two jobs. I was a certified personal trainer and designer. My time was limited, so I started online dating. It saved me a lot of time. Most of the women I met had great careers and like myself, their time was limited too. Then I met her. A Virginia transplant living in the New York area for the past five years.

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