Woman Up, Man Down? My Struggle Not To Emasculate My Man As An Alpha Female

Source: LaylaBird / Getty


We are currently amid a feminist uprising unlike any other. Now, more than ever, women are taking a stand and using their voices to speak out against any and all injustices that impact the female gender. In conjunction with this feminist uprising, there is a more significant presence of alpha females. These strong, take-charge women are successful, independent, and committed to living according to the book of Beyoncé. We’re basically running the world; but are we running our male companions away too?


Living Together Before Marriage Boosts Divorce Rate: Here’s Why

Source: Gettyimages.com/PeopleImages / Getty

via MadameNoire.com by Julia Austin

Studies have found that couples who cohabitate before marriage are at a greater risk of divorce. I, personally, found these studies troubling. Or rather, I found the fact that people have flocked to them as proof that couples shouldn’t live together before marriage very troubling. It just isn’t practical or reasonable to state that living together before marriage wouldn’t give a couple some advantages. I’ll go so far as to say that not living together before marriage is dangerous (I’ll get to that later). It doesn’t matter how much time you spend with a partner—you don’t know what it’s like to live together until you live together. Some couples will say, “Well we practically live together.” No—you don’t. You always have your own place to escape to and the knowledge that you have that place. That changes everything. I’d like to dispute the dangerous belief that couples shouldn’t live together until marriage. Sure, couples who live together first are at higher risk of divorce, but I don’t think it has much to do with living together. Here are the actual probable causes.

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GETTY


Even though many celebrities today are touting the beauty of a blended family, there is a lot of pain and healing that has to occur before everyone can pose for a happy family photo.

Gospel star Tamela Mann and her hubby, fellow singer and actor David Mann, are being candid about how David’s baby mama almost ruined their marriage in their new book.

“The book was inspired by our 30-year journey (of being married),” David told Ebony. “We’ve been saying we were going to do the book for the last five years, since our 25th anniversary. But we just felt like this was the right time.”

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Insecure Got Us Wondering If Your New Boyfriend Can be Your Ex?

Jay Ellis
By Mwabi Kaira

A petition floated around the internet demanding that Lawrence return to Insecure when it was assumed that he wouldn’t appear on Season 3. Team Lawrence championed hard and fans of the show were pleasantly surprised when Issa ran into him at the 7-11 while she was at Coachella. Lawrence has been on every episode since then and his story line has been interesting to watch. To get over Issa he got on top of a lot of women, and a visit to the doctor scares him right on over to Church. Although both Issa and Lawrence have moved on and agree that friendship is the best thing for them right now, this week’s episode has them getting coffee and reminiscing and we are reminded of why they worked when times were good. The episode ends with viewers wondering if they’re going to give their relationship one more shot.

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Yay or Nay to Telling Your Friends What Your Man is Working With?


By Veronica Wells

In a lot of ways, I grew up in the “I’ll take your man” era. The sentiment was in the music. Terry McMillan was writing about it in Waiting To Exhale (which I read probably a little too early), and most importantly they were in the warnings from elders. For better or worse, my grandmother was preoccupied with the concept of jealousy and we received more than our fair share of warnings about people who masqueraded as friends but were secretly jealous of some aspect of your life.

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Quad & Dr. G's Cheating Scandal Got Us Wondering, is it Ever Justified to Cheat?

Quad Webb Lunceford and Dr. Gregory Lunceford
 By Brenda Alexander

Their marriage started off rocky with them canceling the wedding just weeks before getting hitched only to turn around and jump the broom in a ceremony while guests watched with side-eyes at a later date. Being newlyweds on reality tv didn’t help. She took pride in being a stay at home wife while catering to her man only to fester into a real life version of Beyonce’s “Resentment." He worked to maintain the household and yearned to start a family while she strived to establish some financial independence. She claims he grew to be emotionally unstable, became a nagger and increasingly made a mockery of her pain. Not helping were outside chatter from viewers and castmates that Quad was never satisfied. It was speculated that she loved the lifestyle he provided more than him and dragged him along while she climbed social ladders. The final straw was Quad’s emotional revelation that Dr. G was caught in an extortion attempt after an apparent hotel affair.

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Take the Mystery Out of Co-Parenting With These Do's and Don'ts

Swizz Beatz, wife Alicia Keys, Ex-wife Mashonda & Kids
By Mwabi Kaira

No one sets out thinking they will raise their kids by co-parenting, but life happens. Will Smith, Jada Pinkett-Smith and Sheree Zampino have been the faces of the co-parenting and blended family for over 2 decades now. More celebrity couples have joined the ranks including Neyo, wife Crystal Smith and mother of his two oldest children Monyetta Shaw, Swizz Beatz, Alicia Keys and ex-wife Mashonda, Martin Lawrence, ex-wife Pat Smith and new husband Emmitt Smith and second ex-wife Shamicka Lawrence to name a few. What these couples have shown us is that co-parenting can be done and doesn’t have to be as difficult as we are sometimes shown.

If You're Still Mad at Swizz Beatz for Marrying Alicia Keys You Need to Move On


Photo Swizzbeatz IG
By Mwabi Kaira

What rapper and producer Swizz Beatz (Kasseem Dean) thought was an appreciation post to his wife Alicia Keys and a message to men, turned left with a quickness last week. 

Should You Take the Bed From Your Single Days Into Your Marriage?



By Veronica Wells

From the time I was born until around middle school, my parents had a huge waterbed. I loved this bed. It was temperature controlled so it was warm in the winter and cool in the summer. If you’ve ever slept in a waterbed, you know that they cradle you. We loved our parents’ waterbed so much that they bought me and my sister twin size ones for our rooms. And then one day, the waterbed, my parents’ waterbed was going.

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With Friends Like This...Is Your "Friend" Secretly Your Biggest Hater?


By Sonya Eskridge

Among the pages and pages of Instawisdom and motivational pics on the gram is an oft-replicated adage that advises, “Make sure everyone in your boat is rowing and not drilling holes.” To me, this is a shoutout to all the people on social media with shifty friends in their circle. Having been through a few toxic friendships, this spoke to the core of my spirit. How’s a girl supposed to unwind with her friends when she’s not sure she can trust everyone in her orbit? Looking back over my life, I’m astounded at the number of people who I thought were friends but were actually enemies in disguise. Sometimes it's hard to spot them in the moment, but there are red flags to watch out for.

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True Story: I Dated a Guy with a Foot Fetish


By Tiffy Kink

When it comes to dating, I am a huge fan of three things: Openness, comfort, and communication. Openness, meaning nothing is off limits to talk about, comfort, meaning both parties in the relationship never feel as though they will be ostracized for having opinions that differ from the other party, and communication, being able to have an open-ended dialogue where we listen to one another not for the sole purpose of reacting to ones words but understanding them and asking one another to clarify ones point and hear each other out. While I do believe all three are encompassed in the word communication, I don’t believe that many people consciously apply openness and comfort into the dialogues they have with their partner.

So what does all of this have to do with dating someone who is into feet? A damn lot, that’s what.

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7 R&B Songs That Sent Toxic Messages About Love & Relationships

Via TheShadeRoom
By Veronica Wells

Earlier this week, Michelle Williams had to let y’all know that even though she’s found a good man who is worthy of love and special attention and privileges, she has no intention of doing all the things outlined in Destiny Child’s hit song, “Cater 2 U.” I was with her. Even during my childhood, I could recognize that the song was a little too extreme. I mean in one of the lines Beyoncé literally says, “My life would be purposeless without you.” C’mon sis. It’s too much. I like to think of myself as a romantic and as a child, with no real world experience in love, music and particularly love songs were my peek, my gateway, my initial exposure to what love could and would be like. And to be honest, more than a few of them sold us some pipe dreams or toxic ideology about love, relationships, sex and dating. Check out just a few offenders below.

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True Story: I Became a "Trailing Spouse" and Hated It


By Nissa Francisco

Over seven years ago I left Canada to live in London where my husband was pursuing a work opportunity in his career. The idea of moving to a different country to be with him was something I didn’t think twice about at the time. There was nothing more thrilling to me than having the opportunity to support his career endeavors while giving me the opportunity to start fresh somewhere I had never been before. I had just fought my way to finishing a Masters degree I wasn’t even sure I wanted, while working a full-time job that was not fulfilling or progressive in the ways that I had hoped it would be. I was really beginning to question my purpose and my life condition was at an all time low. London seemed like just the shake up I needed. I would take the opportunity to pursue interests that I would never dare pursue in Canada while taking advantage of a new culture and way of life. I worked in fashion retail, took acting classes and completed a course in fashion buying and merchandising. I ended up working for a really great start-up clothing company and could see myself growing with their brand…but I still wasn’t happy.

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10 Signs You're a "PICK ME" Woman

Amara La Negra scrubbing the hell out of her man's shower via IG
By Veronica Wells

Amara La Negra caused quite a stir this week, when she used her Instagram account to send an interesting message. Aside from the fact she was cleaning the bathroom in a bodycon, the image became controversial because of caption:
“A man’s house is a reflection of the woman’s he’s with. Food for thought.” 💭 Being Pretty is Just a Bonus with me.”
As you can imagine, people took issue with the post for several reasons. 

Is the Man You're Dating Financially Responsible to Your Kids?

Ciara, Russell Wilson and Ciara's Son
By Brenda Alexander

Coming into a relationship with children can add layers of difficulties. A mother and child are a packaged deal, so when you date her, you essentially date her kid(s) also. The reality is, there are risks associated with dating a woman with children. And, if you decide to go steady, those risks turn into obligations. There is an expectation that once a man becomes seriously involved that he should take an active role in her children’s lives both emotionally and even financially. But how much should a man contribute financially to his girlfriend’s children? That’s the question and debate that was sparked after this social media post.

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Sorry Ladies, Liking IG Photos is not Shooting Your Shot. This Is.


By Veronica Wells 

Earlier this week, I saw a meme on The Shade Room that didn’t initially strike me as anything special. Usually, I like to go into the comments and check the pulse of the culture to see what people have to say about a certain topic. But with this, I just kept scrolling. Nothing to see there. It wasn’t until I saw my friend like it and then I saw it again on an associate’s page, that I decided to read it again to see if I missed some type of profound truth. Women were actually saying that they consider liking several Instagram pictures in succession to be a form of shooting their shot. 

Chile.

Is it Time for Ray J's Mom to Butt Out of His Business?

Ray J & mom Sonja Norwood
By Mwabi Kaira 

I’ve noticed a trend when it comes to “our” reality shows; mothers of grown black men stay in their business. First there was Mama Jones on Love and Hip Hop New York, who stayed in Jim Jones and Chrissy’s relationship in the first season back in 2011. She didn’t like not being her son’s number one priority after Chrissy came along, and it doesn’t seem that things have gotten any better since the three of them went on to appear on Marriage Boot Camp. Then there’s Scrappy’s Mama, Momma Dee, on Love and Hip Hop Atlanta, who proudly proclaims to be the Queen of Scrappy’s castle in the Atlanta franchise and doesn’t want anyone knocking her off her throne. Not to be outdone, we now have Sonja Norwood, mom to Ray J, and her sidekick Brandy on Love and Hip Hop Hollywood, all up in his business.

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Tell It Tuesday: What Slim Thug Gets Wrong About Ciara Leveling Up

Slim Thug & The Wilson's 
By Ta-ning Connai

We haven't heard from Slim Thug since he spit rhymes on Beyonce's “Check On It” way back in 2006. And based on the rapper’s recent backlash he’s incurred, he’s probably wishing we weren't hearing from him now.

During a radio interview last week, the Houston native was asked if he thought a girl could date a good guy after having dated bad boys for a while. And that's when he decided, for no reason at all, to drag Ciara and her husband ‘cross the living room floor! He basically said that Ciara had a thing for street dudes and since she ended up with Russell Wilson, it must be all about the dough. He called Wilson corny, a square, lame and not cool...meanwhile, he just bought a pair of Russell's Nike shoes! Yo Slim, you had the nerve to tell the world you’re an undercover fan? But the worst part was when Slim said Ciara ain't changed and can’t adapt to a good man 😲.

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Remember When We Thought the Worst that Could Happen in a Relationship Was Cheating?


By Veronica Wells 

My friend of nearly twenty years was visiting me this past weekend. So naturally, we were reminiscing over our middle and high school years. As she was describing how our classmates’ lives had turned out, she said, “Remember when the worse thing we thought a man could do in a relationship was cheat on us?”

I responded, “Yeah girl. There were only two things. Cheating or hitting us.” 

Admit It or Not We've all Dated a Stevie J.


Photo via Hollywood Life
By Michelby Coco Whitehead

Like many music lovers, I have been waiting not so patiently for real R&B to make a comeback. Last week my wish kind of came true; however, nobody told me it would come through the seemingly drunk in love nuptials of Faith Evans and Stevie J... Let us pray.

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