When Should a Man You're Dating Tell You He's Expecting a Child?

Dominique Perry & Sarunas J. Jackson
By Veronica Wells 

This week, “Insecure” fans were surprised to learn that Dominque Perry, the actress who played Tasha the bank teller, gave birth to a child fathered by her castmate Sarunas J. Jackson, (the man who plays Dro.)

There was a shock factor associated with this revelation not only because no one would have put these two together but also because there was more than a little bit of drama surrounding the entire situation. When Dominque first shared the news of her pregnancy, she made it clear that she was under the impression that she’d have to go it alone...

Thank God, It’s Meghan Markle’s White Side Of The Family Acting Up & Not Us

Photo via Madamenoire
By Veronica Wells

I’ve tried to avoid the hoopla and hubbub surrounding Meghan Markle and Prince Harry’s wedding. Still, the news of the nuptials and her relatives’ responses to them have been all over the news.

It’s hard to avoid.

Should You Attend a Wedding if You Don't Support the Marriage?


By Veronica Wells

I’ll never forget my cousin’s wedding. Not because of the decorations, the food, or the love in the air. Instead, I remember all the signs that pointed to the fact it just wasn’t going to work out. My cousin dropped out of school to marry a man who proved to be bereft of all morals. In fact, some of our family members were the victims of his shenanigans. Still, the heart wants what it wants. 

The day was filled with omens. 

Hip Hop Is Having Its Own #MeToo Moment...But Our Change Might Come Slower

Kelis
By Veronica Wells

For years, I’ve wondered what went wrong with Nas and Kelis. There just seemed to be more to the story. After yesterday, when her interview with Hollywood Unlocked was released, I realized I felt that way because we’d never heard Kelis’ side of it. The singer-turned-chef dropped a bombshell yesterday when she detailed the mental and physical abuse she suffered at the hands of her ex-husband and father of her child, rapper Nas.

How Long Should You Feel Shy Around Your Man?


Offset & Cardi B
By Veronica Wells

I find myself enamored with Cardi B Whether I agree with everything she says or does, or not, I’m interested. The other day, Cardi launched an Instagram Live video and invited her fiancé, father of her future child, Offset, to take part in the discussion. I guess she wanted to talk to her fans and her man at the same time.

I didn’t watch the whole thing but for the few seconds I was tuned in, I noticed that Cardi wasn’t showing her full face, and she repeatedly asked Offset not to look at her.

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Fighting Over a Man? You’ll Lose Every Time


By Veronica Wells

The internet is really no different than the rest of the world but what makes it so irresistible is the fact that the shenanigans from all four corners of the globe are collapsed into the palm of our hands. 

This past week, the internet has been discussing a girlfriend who threatened an Instagram model, in her DMs, over the behavior of her boyfriend. The concept sounds crazy. So I’ll just show you. 

Do You Find it Hard to Speak Up for Yourself?



By Veronica Wells  

I think I got my first perm at about five years old. For most children, it’s not exactly the age of rebellion. Instead, it was the age of conditioning and obedience. I was conditioned to sit still and quiet for as long as possible so I could get the best results. And I was a Black child with a Black mother, so obedience was essential for survival.

The idea of speaking up in the chair only became an option when the burning became unbearable.

I don’t know about the rest of y’all but I have a suspicion that our hesitancy to speak up in the salon chairs stems, at least partially, from those early experiences of being taught to be still, to be quiet, to not complain until you felt like you were in real, physical, irreversible danger.

I was reminded of all of those hours I spent in salons, kitchens, and garages converted into beauty shops when I stumbled upon this tweet.

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To Critics Who Feel Tiffany Haddish Is Doing Too Much

Tiffany Haddish & Maya Rudolph (Photo by Chris Pizzello/Invision/AP)
By Veronica Wells

There are plenty of Black women America loves that I care for just a little bit less. And while a few close friends and family might know how I feel, I try not to express those sentiments publicly because there are no shortage of people who talk sh*t about Black women. The practice itself is quite profitable, actually.

And while Tiffany Haddish has been America’s new darling for a solid year, there is a sect of Black people who now believe she is “doing too much.” And a few of these people are not afraid to speak up about it.

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Can We Stop Talking About Our Breakup Blessings Like Burdens?

Ashanti
By Veronica Wells

Early last week, I stumbled across a clip of singer Ashanti taking time out during one of her concerts to speak to her audience about her personal life. In a video from the concert, she said:

“See, I just want to make sure y’all really understand what I’m saying. I’ve been betrayed before, publicly at that"

Someone from the audience yells, “F*ck Nelly!”

To which Ashanti responds, “Word.”

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Yay or Nay to Charging Men for Your Number on Dating Apps?


By Veronica Wells

I’ve always thought the conception of online dating was an interesting one. And if I didn’t have such a fear of strangers, it might have been a nice option for me when I was still accepting applications. But that’s not the way the cookie crumbled. And while there are some experiences that I wish I’d had, like swiping or matching with someone who also thought I was attractive, I’ve also heard more than a few horror stories.

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How Would You React If A Man You Loved Was Accused Of Sexual Assault?

Music mogul Russell Simmons © Lucas Jackson / Reuters
By Veronica Wells

If you’ve been even semi conscious in the past few months, it would have been impossible for you to avoid the news about men, in various industries, being accused of everything from sexual harassment to rape. Things have died down a bit now; but for a good two to three months there was a new name to add to the list of potential predators every week.

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'Married at First Sight:' Can We Not Blame Relationship Struggles on Natural Hair, Please?


Jephte and Shawniece
By Veronica Wells

I love me some “Married At First Sight.” While most of the couples on this Lifetime series eventually divorce, it’s fascinating to watch two strangers come together and unite in Holy Matrimony the day they meet each other. Each season, the show usually finds one Black couple to feature. Naturally, it’s the Black couple’s story I’m the most interested and invested in. But since the show’s inception, none of the Black couples have stayed together.

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Do You Forgive Your Man Faster Than Your Family & Friends?


By Veronica Wells

For as much damage as social media is probably doing to all of our psyches, it's provided endless inspiration for me as a writer and thinker. It's a study in human behavior at our fingertips. A few weeks ago, I stumbled across this post on Instagram. It resonated with me immediately because in the past few years my eyes have been opened to the excuses, the allowances, the exceptions we make for bad behavior when it comes to a man. Patriarchy. In our centering and edifying of men, there's no accountability.

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When Do You Feel Comfortable Holding Hands?

Victor Cruz & Karrueche Tran
By Veronica Wells

A couple of weeks ago, I stumbled across an image of Karrueche Tran and Victor Cruz holding hands. For some reason the image caught me off guard. For several reasons really. One, I thought Karrueche was still dating Quavo, and Victor Cruz was still with the mother of his child. And most importantly, the two were holding hands. 

Five Hair Products For Sistas Allergic To Coconut Oil


By Veronica Wells

Coconut oil is lauded as the superstar of any natural hair care regimen. And I get it, my hair loved this natural oil...until it didn't. My sister and I were in Turks and Caicos when we discovered that we could not stop scratching our scalps. For me, the itching was mild but my sister’s scalp was in crisis. Large chunks of dried skin were falling out of her head. It wasn’t long before we realized it was the coconut oil that was causing this reaction. After a couple more tries, it was with a heavy heart that we said goodbye to all of the products in our arsenal that contained coconut oil. (In theory, many of them still occupy space on our bathroom shelf.) The transition hasn’t been easy. Coconut oil is in about 80 percent of hair products for Black women. So you have to be careful.

If you find that your scalp is itchy even after you’ve washed, oiled and styled it, or you already know you have a coconut allergy, here are some products that will be lifesavers for your hair care regimen.

Relationship Cliches: Does Your Man Have To Be Your Best Friend?


By Veronica Wells

I like to joke that my father ruined me when it comes to public declarations of romantic love. From an early age, I remember watching some romantic comedy and him, leaning over to tell me something to the effect of, "Whatever you feel about the person you're in love with, that's something for only the two of you. No one else cares."

And while I know that’s not entirely true, those words had a real impact on me. I consider myself a romantic and a lover of love, still; I often find myself rolling my eyes when people speak about their romantic partners. Not because I believe they’re lying or I’m not happy that they’ve found what we’re all searching for in one way or another. But mostly because far too often, people rely on cliches. And they make me wonder if folks are speaking from the heart or saying what they’ve been conditioned to believe is the right thing to say.

7 Lessons We Can Learn From Jenifer Lewis' Memoir: The Mother of Black Hollywood

Jenifer Lewis
By Veronica Wells

When I heard that Jenifer Lewis was writing a memoir, I was immediately intrigued. Not only has she played everybody’s momma on the big and small screens, her persona just draws you in. Whether she’s sharing sage career advice, singing about how she doesn’t want anybody f*cking with her in these streets, or speaking candidly about her mental illness, Lewis’ energy is infectious. She’s engaging. She’s fascinating. You just want to lean in and hear what the hell she has to say. So I had to get my hands on that book. And not only has it exceeded my expectations in the areas of fun-ny, the memoir also includes several life lessons.

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Do Men Feel Entitled To Sex?


By Veronica Wells

A couple of months ago, I was interviewing three women about sex over the age of 50, for my website NoSugarNoCream. During the conversation, the youngest woman in the group explained that she was so thankful that when she’s not in the mood, her husband doesn’t cop an attitude. She said, “A man can be very mean when he can’t get what he wants.” For some reason, the words and the sentiment behind the words stuck with me. There were nods and grunts of agreement from the other two women, and it made me wonder, was this something other women had experienced as well?

Anita Hill & Our Aunties: How Black Women Help & Hinder The Fight Against Sexual Assault

Anita Hill
By Veronica Wells

These past few months have been consumed with talk of sexual harassment. For the rest of his life, at least in the public space, Harvey Weinstein will be this generation's poster child for sexual assault and harassment. Even though he was far from the first or last man to use his power to intimidate women, he's the one who opened up the floor for everyone else to be exposed. And since his downfall, we've seen men like Matt Lauer, Al Franken, Louis C.K., Russell Simmons (and I'm sure more to come) meet similar fates.

Most women, the group who have been the most affected and impacted by sexual assault, from the beginning of humanity, recognize that this reckoning is long overdue. Finally, the nation is having very real and uncomfortable conversations. And while I think that a majority of people understand the necessary ramifications behind sexual assault and harassment: firings, oustings, loss in income, being exposed, etc.; I've learned that not everyone gets it.

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Is The Excitement About Meghan Markle’s Engagement Tied To Our Desire For White Validation?

Prince Harry and fiancé Meghan Markle 
By Veronica Wells
I remember my grandmother waking my sister and me up in the wee hours of the morning to watch Princess Diana’s funeral. As a 10-year-old American, I thought Princess Diana’s death was certainly a terrible tragedy; still, I was confused about why we were made to view the funeral proceedings as if we were distantly connected to the fallen royal. Years later, I would learn that older Jamaicans, including my maternal grandmother, have an almost unhealthy obsession with “Mother England” and particularly the Royal Family. Blame it on colonialism. With a few exceptions, American Black folk don’t exactly get geeked about Queen Elizabeth and her heirs. In fact, she’s often regarded with quite a bit of skepticism and even intense disdain. Ask Paul Mooney. 

But with the recent news of Prince Harry proposing to American actress Meghan Markle, Black folk have been almost ecstatic about the prospect of a Black woman openly occupying a space in the royal family. (There are several theories that there have been other Black royals but their racial identities weren’t widely discussed or acknowledged.)

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