Iyanla Vanzant
 By Veronica Wells

I’m waiting with baited breath for the day WE tv shows the meet up between Iyanla Vanzant and the Braxton sisters. To put it simply, the Braxton sisters have a lot of things to work out and Iyanla has the type of no-nonsense, honesty that the family could use a lot bit more of. 

For the past few weeks, we’ve been hearing rumblings about what transpired on the season finale of “Braxton Family Values.” Tamar accused Vanzant of sex shaming her after she revealed she was molested by family members. (Vanzant mentioned that she could sue her for defamation of character.) Then, there was footage of Iyanla walking out of the session with the sisters—and their parents. At the time, we didn’t know what that was about. But a new clip from We Tv seems to add a bit of context to the walkout. 

Yay or Nay to Telling Your Friends What Your Man is Working With?


By Veronica Wells

In a lot of ways, I grew up in the “I’ll take your man” era. The sentiment was in the music. Terry McMillan was writing about it in Waiting To Exhale (which I read probably a little too early), and most importantly they were in the warnings from elders. For better or worse, my grandmother was preoccupied with the concept of jealousy and we received more than our fair share of warnings about people who masqueraded as friends but were secretly jealous of some aspect of your life.

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Is It Wrong To Call Your Kids The N Word?



By Veronica Wells

If someone decided to conduct an experiment to determine the most-used word in my vocabulary, I would tell them to save their time and energy. I can answer that question myself. The word is n*gga. I can hear the disappointed groans from those of you who argue that we should’ve buried the word a few years ago. I’ve heard the arguments from folks like Oprah who remind us that n*gga was the last word Black men heard before they were lynched or murdered.

I hear her. The history and pain of it is deep and not to be understated. But the provocative nature of the word just make it that much more alluring to me. Still, there are times when I wonder about its appropriateness.

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Do You Ever Feel Guilty Choosing One Stylist Over Another?


By Veronica Wells

The lore of Black men feeling unhealthy and irrational attachments to their barbers is not reserved only for them. Black women have our own struggles separating from beauticians and stylists who have been doing our hair for some time. I’ve seen women tolerate bad attitudes, ugly styling, stagnant hair growth and even damage for the sake of loyalty…or fear.

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Should You Take the Bed From Your Single Days Into Your Marriage?



By Veronica Wells

From the time I was born until around middle school, my parents had a huge waterbed. I loved this bed. It was temperature controlled so it was warm in the winter and cool in the summer. If you’ve ever slept in a waterbed, you know that they cradle you. We loved our parents’ waterbed so much that they bought me and my sister twin size ones for our rooms. And then one day, the waterbed, my parents’ waterbed was going.

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7 R&B Songs That Sent Toxic Messages About Love & Relationships

Via TheShadeRoom
By Veronica Wells

Earlier this week, Michelle Williams had to let y’all know that even though she’s found a good man who is worthy of love and special attention and privileges, she has no intention of doing all the things outlined in Destiny Child’s hit song, “Cater 2 U.” I was with her. Even during my childhood, I could recognize that the song was a little too extreme. I mean in one of the lines Beyoncé literally says, “My life would be purposeless without you.” C’mon sis. It’s too much. I like to think of myself as a romantic and as a child, with no real world experience in love, music and particularly love songs were my peek, my gateway, my initial exposure to what love could and would be like. And to be honest, more than a few of them sold us some pipe dreams or toxic ideology about love, relationships, sex and dating. Check out just a few offenders below.

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Sorry Ladies, Liking IG Photos is not Shooting Your Shot. This Is.


By Veronica Wells 

Earlier this week, I saw a meme on The Shade Room that didn’t initially strike me as anything special. Usually, I like to go into the comments and check the pulse of the culture to see what people have to say about a certain topic. But with this, I just kept scrolling. Nothing to see there. It wasn’t until I saw my friend like it and then I saw it again on an associate’s page, that I decided to read it again to see if I missed some type of profound truth. Women were actually saying that they consider liking several Instagram pictures in succession to be a form of shooting their shot. 

Chile.

Remember When We Thought the Worst that Could Happen in a Relationship Was Cheating?


By Veronica Wells 

My friend of nearly twenty years was visiting me this past weekend. So naturally, we were reminiscing over our middle and high school years. As she was describing how our classmates’ lives had turned out, she said, “Remember when the worse thing we thought a man could do in a relationship was cheat on us?”

I responded, “Yeah girl. There were only two things. Cheating or hitting us.” 

Cheating Is Nothing New. But is it Worse When Women Do It?


By Veronica Wells 

The following is a true story. There was a Black woman married to an Italian man. Although we never really know what’s going on in someone’s marriage, by all accounts, this was a happy one. The man wasn’t a model but he was kind to her, provided for her and her children, they were taking vacations together. Still, she recruited men from Craigslist for sex. She was very sneaky with it. She would meet them during her lunch hour, while both she and her husband were at work. And judging by the way she told the story and the way she executed her plan, her husband became nothing but a sweet sucker.

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Anyone Buying a Lauryn Hill Ticket In 2018 Deserves Whatever She Gives Them

Ms. Lauryn Hill Courtesy Photo via TheMiamiTimes
By Veronica Wells 

I was in fifth grade when Lauryn Hill’s Miseducation was released. I don’t think I could overstate what that album meant to me. It changed the game for me (I would learn later, so many other young, Black women.)

A year later, during a family reunion—where we ended up in Vegas— I saw that Lauryn Hill was performing there, the day after we would have already left. I stood there on the strip, staring at that illuminated marquee, somehow knowing that I was missing something magical, some once in a lifetime event. As you know, Lauryn Hill is still performing her classic album. But if I wanted to hear what I fell in love with, the best chance of that would have been in 1999.

The Blow-Up on Twitter About Beyonce's 'Natural Curls' Proves We Still Have a Long Way to Go With Our Hair

Beyonce via Neal Farinah IG
By Veronica Wells

I’ll never forget my homeroom teacher Mr. Litz and the thoughts he shared one day about Black hair. In addition to home room, Mr. Litz, a White man, was also my middle school art teacher. And during his explanation of how he recreates Black hair, he told us, his predominately Black class, that Black people’s hair was inherently thin and weak.

I remember us, the Black kids, looking around at each other like, “Ain’t this some sh*t.” But none of us said anything to address his ignorance.

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Are Men Intimidated By Funny Women? Tiffany Haddish Thinks So.

Tiffany Haddish & John Legend
By Veronica Wells

The other day I fell into a Youtube rabbit hole and discovered an interview between Tiffany Haddish and John Legend. The two talked about all sorts of interesting things but one thing Haddish said stuck with me. John asked her: “Do you find guys like women that make them laugh? I have a wife that makes me laugh all the time.”

Tiffany: “I think guys that are confident in themselves, love women who make them laugh. I think guys that are very insecure—which is what I seem to attract— they don’t like it so much. They be cool the first few dates, then they’ll be like, ‘Oh wait, she can control this whole room.’”

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A Man Will Distract You From Your Work...But How Much is Too Much?

Shonda Rhimes
By Veronica Wells 

Shonda Rhimes shared more than a few gems in her memoir Year of Yes. But it was her thoughts on marriage that have haunted me, especially since I'm embarking on marriage within the next few months. In the book, one of the reasons Rhimes says she won’t marry is because she does not want a man distracting her from her work. Mind you Rhimes has three children. But the love she feels for her children overrides the feelings of frustration she might feel if one of them were to need her while she was in the groove of writing. But a man being or causing a distraction to the work she loves and cherishes, she couldn’t rationalize.

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Is a Man Obligated To Take Care Of His Ex...if She's Raising Their Children?


By Veronica Wells

My fiancé loves to say things to get a reaction out of me. And a couple of weeks ago, it was “Steve Harvey gave some good relationship advice the other day.” As much as I try not to respond to these outlandish statements of his, I immediately rolled my eyes. But turns out he was serious. And I had to agree that Harvey’s advice in this particular situation was quite...compassionate.

Is the Man You're Dating Homophobic? Here's How to Find Out

Amanda Seales via her IG
By Veronica Wells

Amanda Seales shares some incredibly interesting stories on her Instagram page. Most of them are told through the lens of activism, but occasionally she’ll sneak in some relationship advice or an anecdote from her own romantic experiences. In one of the more recent ones, she shared why she had to get rid of a f*ckbuddy turned boo after seven years.

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You Can't Pray Someone Else's Prayer to Manifest a Man But You Can Do This...

Actress Yvonne Orji and Emmanuel Acho via IG
By Veronica Wells

Years ago, I was attending a cultural parade downtown. Having reached my limit of human interaction for the day, at the parade’s conclusion, I announced that I would be returning home. This was a deviation from what the rest of the group was doing: following up the parade with an early dinner at a Nigerian restaurant. When one of the women in the group learned that I wasn’t joining them, she tried to persuade me to go.

“You might be missing out on your African Prince.”

When Should a Man You're Dating Tell You He's Expecting a Child?

Dominique Perry & Sarunas J. Jackson
By Veronica Wells 

This week, “Insecure” fans were surprised to learn that Dominque Perry, the actress who played Tasha the bank teller, gave birth to a child fathered by her castmate Sarunas J. Jackson, (the man who plays Dro.)

There was a shock factor associated with this revelation not only because no one would have put these two together but also because there was more than a little bit of drama surrounding the entire situation. When Dominque first shared the news of her pregnancy, she made it clear that she was under the impression that she’d have to go it alone...

Thank God, It’s Meghan Markle’s White Side Of The Family Acting Up & Not Us

Photo via Madamenoire
By Veronica Wells

I’ve tried to avoid the hoopla and hubbub surrounding Meghan Markle and Prince Harry’s wedding. Still, the news of the nuptials and her relatives’ responses to them have been all over the news.

It’s hard to avoid.

Should You Attend a Wedding if You Don't Support the Marriage?


By Veronica Wells

I’ll never forget my cousin’s wedding. Not because of the decorations, the food, or the love in the air. Instead, I remember all the signs that pointed to the fact it just wasn’t going to work out. My cousin dropped out of school to marry a man who proved to be bereft of all morals. In fact, some of our family members were the victims of his shenanigans. Still, the heart wants what it wants. 

The day was filled with omens. 

Hip Hop Is Having Its Own #MeToo Moment...But Our Change Might Come Slower

Kelis
By Veronica Wells

For years, I’ve wondered what went wrong with Nas and Kelis. There just seemed to be more to the story. After yesterday, when her interview with Hollywood Unlocked was released, I realized I felt that way because we’d never heard Kelis’ side of it. The singer-turned-chef dropped a bombshell yesterday when she detailed the mental and physical abuse she suffered at the hands of her ex-husband and father of her child, rapper Nas.

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