My Pregnancy Was A Miracle — And Then I Lost It.

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By Victoria Uwumarogie via MadameNoire

I saw its heart beat.

That’s something I tend to say to myself during quiet moments when I feel myself on the fringes of sadness; during those moments where I’ve been sent a picture of my friend’s baby, or I’ve heard about yet another celebrity announcing their pregnancy. I try to maintain a sense of positivity and not feel like my emotions are being slightly rocked as I attempt to be happy for others, but it’s tough if I’m being honest. I remind myself that I, at one point, was supposed to be a mother, too. It did happen. I was pregnant with my first child. I know because I saw its heart beat.

Coping.


Hola Chicas,

While the physical pain has eased a bit, I’m still reeling emotionally. After Tuesday's post, I've allowed myself- in the moment- to experience whatever crops up. I'm talking shame, anger, grief, confusion, sadness... there were even fleeting moments of hope and appreciation- especially while reading your heartfelt comments and emails (and I read each and every one). While writing and even texting about the series of unfortunate events has been a much needed purging, I apologize to the friends and fam whose calls I've yet to return. As Gaye said, texting is safe, talking, not so much... not yet. Also it's tough, because rehashing the details over and over is taxing, especially if, in that particular moment, I was feeling alright.

The decision to share with y'all

I was back and forth. On the one hand, miscarriages are something folks don't talk about. Especially our people. It's highly stigmatized and many women feel forced to suffer in silence. It can be a very shame and guilt inducing experience, especially without support and information. On the other hand, being fully aware of the power of my platform, I felt it my duty to shed some light on such a shadowy subject. Hoping that if nothing more, someone in the throes, could find some peace or solidarity in my words.

I wrote the rough draft. Catharsis. The selfish act.

Read On>>>

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