Woman Up, Man Down? My Struggle Not To Emasculate My Man As An Alpha Female

Source: LaylaBird / Getty

We are currently amid a feminist uprising unlike any other. Now, more than ever, women are taking a stand and using their voices to speak out against any and all injustices that impact the female gender. In conjunction with this feminist uprising, there is a more significant presence of alpha females. These strong, take-charge women are successful, independent, and committed to living according to the book of Beyoncé. We’re basically running the world; but are we running our male companions away too?

Living Together Before Marriage Boosts Divorce Rate: Here’s Why

Source: Gettyimages.com/PeopleImages / Getty

via MadameNoire.com by Julia Austin

Studies have found that couples who cohabitate before marriage are at a greater risk of divorce. I, personally, found these studies troubling. Or rather, I found the fact that people have flocked to them as proof that couples shouldn’t live together before marriage very troubling. It just isn’t practical or reasonable to state that living together before marriage wouldn’t give a couple some advantages. I’ll go so far as to say that not living together before marriage is dangerous (I’ll get to that later). It doesn’t matter how much time you spend with a partner—you don’t know what it’s like to live together until you live together. Some couples will say, “Well we practically live together.” No—you don’t. You always have your own place to escape to and the knowledge that you have that place. That changes everything. I’d like to dispute the dangerous belief that couples shouldn’t live together until marriage. Sure, couples who live together first are at higher risk of divorce, but I don’t think it has much to do with living together. Here are the actual probable causes.


If They Are Truly Sorry, They'll Do These 5 Things


by Shelli R Warren via xonecole.com

A wise person once said, "Adulthood is about surviving childhood."

If you stop and really let that sink in, it will make you want to heal from any mistakes your parents made; it'll also make you want to be super-careful in the decisions you make with your own kids, for the sake of their own (future) adulthood.

As for me, I don't have children, so I'm working on Column A. Although I grew up in a house where apologies were in abundance, I also heard it a ton because mistakes (i.e. poor choices) were made over and over (and over and over and over) again. So much to the point that I didn't realize that if someone says, "I'm sorry", (please catch this) there should be a change in their behavior that follows.

Relationships and Natural Hair

 by @youfrogirl via GlobalCoutureblog.net

Although I am single, and I think women should feel free to do whatever they want to their hair, regardless of what their partner thinks, I do understand taking his opinion into consideration. In my experience, men don’t really know what they like until AFTER they see it when it comes to hairstyles.

If you are considering returning to your natural roots but you’re not sure how your partner will feel about it, or if you are currently natural and your partner is still on the fence, here are 7 quick tips you can give him to better appreciate your natural hair struggles and triumphs.

Read On!>>>

The Power of the Natural Hair Movement on Dating

nik and Dr. Daddy

I received many comments about my natural hair, both positive and negative. For some reason, the latter tend to weigh heavier than the former. Around the time that I started my transitioning process I met someone who became my love interest. My best friend was rocking her curly hair and as he looked at her he was touching my hair. “I really hope that your hair turns out like hers,” he said.

My first boyfriend loved my curls. Back then I was relaxing my hair and occasionally I was too lazy to straighten my hair. To be honest, he was appreciating this laziness since he was able to walk proudly next to his curly girl. He started convincing me that natural is better, since I show the real me to the world. A year after the end of our relationship, I decided to transition my hair. Why? Because I wanted to make sure that this was my own choice.

Read On!>>>

by Tewa Muller of ThisGirlsBlackBook

I don’t often write posts dedicated to the partners of naturalistas but I thought it would be a good idea to share some tips on dating women with natural hair. Because no matter how you look at it; we naturalistas certainly have our own ways. Therefore I put together a list with the top 9 things you need to know when dating women with natural hair:

1: YOU and Only you can touch her hair
Her hair is a part of her body. You, as a loving and devoted partner, are allowed to touch it just like the rest of her body. That being said, she probably won’t like it when strangers (your nosy friends, parents or others) touch it without asking permission. Especially not when adding: “Wow. I didn’t expect it to be this soft.”

Read On!>>>

CurlyNikki on The Steve Harvey Show- TODAY!

Hola Chicas!

I'll be on The Steve Harvey Show TODAY discussing natural hair and relationships!

Read On!>>>

Clogs, Curls And The Cost Of Love

Thoughts From The Husband Of A Natural

As I admired the speed of the water running down the drain while showering this morning, the Staples ad slogan quickly came to my mind… “that was easy!” I usually unclog the shower drain a few times a year and if you have ever done it you know that the process is quite fool proof. Pour half the bottle slowly down the drain, wait 15 minutes then flush with hot water. If you are wondering why an unclogged drain brought joy to my morning, it’s because I’m the husband of a natural – a curly girl. If you’re the husband to one too, or a natural yourself, you understand exactly where I am coming from.

To many, a clogged drain can be quite frustrating, but a drain clogged because of shedding dead hair is all a part of the process to a natural… and to anyone else who is automatically along for the ride. Well I am one of those people, and rather than be angry at the fact that I am subject to finding hair… well… everywhere. I choose to look at the other side of the comb, at all the great things that I get out of it.
  1. My wife feels great about herself. Ever since she stopped perming her hair and cut off her straightened ends (into a cute little afro I might add), and began the natural hair journey, she really has never felt better about her hair and herself. That makes me feel great. I love watching her try different styles and looks, products and techniques. The new sense of confidence is a great reward.
  2. If she feels good, then she looks even better, and when she looks better that means she gets a lot of compliments on how great her hair looks. And of course when she looks good, I look good lol. There probably is never a day when we are out that someone doesn’t say to her “your hair looks great!”, and that makes me smile to know that someone else notices the time and consideration she puts into maintaining her natural hair.
  3. We have one daughter and another one on the way, so I am hoping that getting all the inside scoop on amazing natural hair products and all the hours of watching my wife do her hair, along with helping to blow dry occasionally should pay off sooner rather than later. I hope I’m paying close enough attention. :-s
  4. Drano is cheap. For less than $10 and 5 mins, I can quickly solve the problem of shampoo suds building up at my feet with no place to go.
So, I’ll leave you with this… They say happy wife, happy life but I say, “Curly wife, happy life”. And if a couple bottles of Drano a year, vacuuming up a little more often and learning all about natural hair care are the only costs… I’m great with that!

- @AndrewCJames

Love and Natural Hair

by Alicia James of EasyNaturalHair

For the month of love, what better time to tell the story of how my husband fell in love with the new me?!  We decided to write this short story together, one part coming from me, and then his personal thoughts on my transition to natural hair.  Enjoy!

Alicia James:

I still remember the day when I was standing in front of the bathroom mirror playing in my hair. I was really intrigued with my new curly coily hair. I looked at my husband and told him how weird I thought my hair was. I started to imagine what it would look like without the straight pieces of lifeless hair. I want to tell you that when I stopped getting relaxers, I didn’t know that meant I was going natural. I had no idea that my natural hair was different from my relaxed hair. I was really confused by the changes happening with my hair. I told my husband how I was thinking about cutting off the straight ends to see what my hair would look like. My husband looked at me, gave me that million dollar smile I love, and said, “Go for it!” He said this over and over again. The finality of it made me a little nervous and I asked him if he was sure! And from that look in his eye, he was very sure! I whipped the scissors out and yes, I started cutting and chopping away at my hair. When I was done, I was left with a teeny weenie fro. I stared in the mirror and honestly remembered an overwhelming feeling of relief. I didn’t know it would feel this way... amazing! Then I also started to think what in the world did I just do? I just chopped my hair off. There were so many different emotions going through me, but I liked it! For some strange reason, I knew things were going to be different. I looked over to my husband, and said “So babe, what do you think?”

Kelly James:

Without hesitation I replied “I love it”! I actually did love it, but deep down inside I couldn’t help but to think what was to come. When I met Alicia she didn’t own a pair of tennis shoes and wouldn’t be caught dead without makeup. I always encouraged her to embrace her natural beauty, relax and enjoy life. Her doing the big chop was a huge step. Before cutting her hair she made several changes and removed many masks that covered her insecurities. My theory is that cutting her hair represented the final mask.

I knew she had either done something that would change her life forever or something she would regret and run to the nearest wig store. During the upcoming months she went through a roller coaster of emotions but as her confidence and strength grew so did her hair. I love my wife unconditionally but seeing her grow to love every aspect of herself made me love her even more.

So, what does the love in your life think about your natural hair?

An Unvarnished Look Inside A Real Marriage

by Rene Syler of Good Enough Mother

This week is a big one for us because after 18 years of marriage, we are still a team. Like most teams, there were some wins and some losses, a bit of fighting among the players, a few bumps, bruises and disagreements over which was the best way to move the ball down the field. We got banged up a lot this year; there were good times, some bad and a handful of really ugly, that are even tough to talk about, frankly.

THE GOOD: We’re still standing. I start here because there were a lot of things that could have easily brought us to our knees; it was bad enough they almost brought us to the breaking point. This 18th year, was probably more difficult than the previous 17 combined. But we have so much for which to be thankful. When I open the refrigerator or jump in the car, pull up a warm blanket or sleep in our soft bed, I am reminded of the good things. I know I complain about it, but I even secretly love the road trips we take as a family, the forced family fun outings, and the spirited discussion over the dinner table; I’m grateful for the memories we are creating for Casey and Cole.

THE BAD: I’m ashamed to admit but sometimes it’s hard to be thankful in the everyday because the everyday can be so difficult. Rushing in the morning or fatigued at night, a careless word said in clipped tone can be the spark for an argument that ends with hurt feelings. Add a couple of moody teens to the mix and what used to be real communication becomes perfunctory. You look up and realize you haven’t nurtured your relationship the way you promised you would, all those years ago and you’ve turned the lights out far too many times with jaw clenched too tightly to squeak out, “I love you” even though, under the hurt, that is what’s in your heart. That was us this year. A lot unfortunately.

THE DOWNRIGHT UGLY: This was the year I thought I was leaving. Really. Why? Because I felt like I was corroding on the inside. When I looked in the mirror, I didn’t recognize that woman, the one who looked worn out, frowned more than she smiled, who worked all the time and didn’t see much progress. And I felt us drifting apart. I was ready to run from this life though I wasn’t sure where I would go. Instead, I settled for a few trips with friends where I had a chance to rediscover the carefree me, the fun, flirty one who wasn’t being pulled in 30 directions, desperately searching for time for herself.

Dalliance. Infidelity. Affair. At our nadir I wondered if that thing I find repulsive, I might actually do. When you’re angry and hurting, you don’t think clearly and clearly, I was not. I did think about it though; it seemed like the shot of excitement I craved. At the end of the day, however, I didn’t do it, the chance for irreparable pain for all involved was just too great to risk. But I saw firsthand how relationships can break down, opening a fissure just big enough for someone else to step in to fill that void.

You know what I learned in all that? That you really love someone when you hurt more for him or her than they do for themselves, when you want them to succeed and are ready to inflict great pain on anyone who hurts them. I’ve felt that part of me heat up when I see people mistreating you and I see it in you when you become fiercely protective of me. It makes me smile. It makes me feel safe. It makes me feel like, no matter what, we’re gonna be okay.

But don’t you see? That’s what team members do. They squabble in the locker room but when the players are on the field, there is one goal, one objective with everyone moving in the same direction. That’s what we do, that’s who we are.

Could I have done things differently? Absolutely. Many times my temper got in the way of real communication. Could you have done better? Yes, of course. We’re not a perfect pair; I guess that’s what makes it, and us, interesting. And just like last year, I go into this next one hoping, praying, INTENDING to be at this place again next year.

Buff, thank you for leading this family, for showing me that even in tough times, we keep going. Thank you for supporting me, for your wisdom, your chivalry and for loving the perfectly imperfect me. While we have our ups and downs, disagreements over kids and money, I can’t imagine having anyone else in my corner.


Our Hair, Our Men... Food for Thought

CurlyKye writes:

Does my husband really like my newly natural hair and hair experiments because he loves me (and doesn't want to hurt my feelings) or does he like it because he really thinks it's cute on me?

Could I deal with it if my husband decided that he wanted to change something about him or on his body that has been the same since we met?

How do you feel... what do you think your partner REALLY thinks about your? How do you cope with it?

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