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Curly Nikki

Let’s Talk About Sex- Parental Advisory!

By January 27th, 202167 Comments

A comment from ‘Anonymous’ in the recent exercise post:

Also, what do you girls do when it comes to sex(seual intercourse if u want to be technical) because I haven’t seen anyone really talk about that. I guess going to the gym would be similar to this situation but sometimes its very stressful if I have just styled my hair 3 days ago or 2 and I want to..U KNOW.. without messing it up all over again, especially when I have work the next day!! Ne one else have this problem??

Before you read on, I just want to apologize in advance for any visuals…

I LOVE sex, but when my hair is freshly done, I have to admit that the LAST thing I’m thinking about is getting busy! My goal in life is to rock the same style for 5 days…this is nearly impossible once you introduce sex into the situation. It’s funny- hubby has learned to ask, “got anywhere to go tomorrow?” If I say no, he knows that he has the green light to pull and play in it until his heart’s content. If I say yes, then he knows to avoid my head like the plague! TMI? Sorry!

To keep the sweat factor down on a work night, I make sure the ceiling fan is on, and I also try to stay somewhere in the vicinity of my satin pillow. If we’re not in the ‘vicinity’ I do my best to keep my head from touching whatever surface we happen to be on πŸ˜‰ Also, some positions are more conducive to salvaging a hair style…hop on top divas!

The hubs has got to give me some credit though…at least I don’t try to freak him down in my sexy granny bonnet anymore!!! I’ve come a loooooooong way. True Story.

So dish ladies- how do you preserve the sexy when you’re trying to be sexy?!


  • Anonymous says:

    This is very helpful, ive been looking for posts like this for a while, I am recently natural (BC June 2011) and when i went to visit my guy the other night, i realized that i had no clue what to do with my hair … I ended up throwing a headband on it, and everything worked out just fine

  • Anonymous says:

    Since I've been natural I've been single it's interesting what some of you ladies are doing to preserve both sexy's, lol. Now I'm better prepared for when I do get a man, whenever that'll be… lol

  • Anonymous says:

    haha. hilarious!

    When it is time for sex my current boo-thang does not give a flying monkey what is going on with my hair. And if he's in a pulling mood please believe he will rip off that scarf like a panty. lol.

    As for single ladies, I was recently one. The first time boo-thang and I had a sleep over, when he picked me up I was already in pajamas and my head was tied lol… however, if you don't quite rock like that, you can try using your scarf and tie it around his pillow to stand in for a legit silk pillowcase.

  • Anonymous says:

    My hubs calls me jiffy pop if he's not in the mood & just teasing. When I hear "granny cap"? Well, I know its get ready time. I doubt he even realizes he does it. I do love that before ee drift off he's sliding the cap back on. *smile*

    You know what, I'm 'bout to go have myself a granny cap moment! See y'all!

  • Doc says:

    so late… but wow, i'm over with my hand over my mouth in shock

  • The Brown Affect says:

    This is a great topic!! LOL! I don't care about my hair at that point either. My fiance loves to play in my hair so I let him and the next morning he fixes breakfast while I fix my hair. πŸ™‚

  • Anonymous says:

    MY hair is the last thing on my mind when were getting busy. Ill deal with the aftermath later

  • Anonymous says:

    my bf is hilarious/ terrible: "don't wear your hair in twists/ braids; i like messing it up!!!!" lol. what's a girl to do. =)

  • Double Veil says:

    I am late to this post. I find it absolutely thrilling. I am a single 4a woman recently dating a great guy. We haven't had sex yet, but that moment is quickly approaching and he's only seen me with flat ironed hair. I am very very nervous about intercourse becuz I don't know if it will become a big ass puff ball during intercourse. A silk pillow doesn't prevent puffiness from sweat. What do I do to
    prepare, lessen my nerves, and actually enjoy my time with him? =(


  • Queen says:

    I know I'm late but ladies come on. Hair is not that serious to stop you getting down with the get down. That's what being natural is all about. Wash n' Go girls. I don't care what I just did to my hair, it will never stop me from making love to my man. I mean really! Life is too short to be worrying about stretching some hairdo 5 days. At 3x a day for 5 days that is 15 times I can go to heaven and back.


  • Anonymous says:

    Hahaha granny bonnets are *SO* sexy. Men just love them. My poor boyfriend…we were intimate one time and it fell off and I reached for it and he said, “Yeah, that’s great for the mood.” At that point in time I didn’t have a satin pillowcase so I wasn’t trying to get more breakage than I already had! lol.

  • InTransition_RN says:

    I remember caring about my permed hair during my sexcapades… now that I am in transition, I could truly care less. My hair is NOT on my mind during “the do.” I am too busy enjoying and paying attention to *ahem* other things!!! ;o)

  • Rose D. says:

    this is funny but soo true! when my hair is freshly straight, lik ei JUST straighten it, then it’s hands off (ive been natural since 2003)… but if im about to wash it soon and go to a curly style, then he can have at it! it wont matter anyway.. i love it when my man pulls and plays in my hair and i try not to hinder him too much because of the style…

  • Anonymous says:

    Hey Nikki! Use to chat with ya on girly! Glad to see you have a successful blog! I passed by your table at the hair show yesterday but you were gone. boo hoo…. Maybe next time my dear.

    Anyway, I am a 30 something that has yet to experience sex, but I am dating a special man that I will eventually be doing the nasty with after we get married. I will be taking note from this, but really I wear a TWA and most likely have this styyle when married (since he loves it), soooo I guess I get my freak on with no hair worries!!! haaaaay

  • Dania says:

    I haven’t had any sexcapades yet but it’s quite interesting to read what you ladies do with your hair when you’re “doing the do”. I’m sitting here taking mental notes lol!

  • ExoticMommie says:

    the gray bonnet thing had me rollin lol.

  • Jazz says:

    O.M.G. lol I have been laughing so hard at everyones comments.. I didnt know my “sex” comment would get so much feedback..Thanks for ALLL the tips ladies! lol This is the best hair blog


  • leandra says:

    LOL! this is quite hilarious. i’m with the anonymous person who said that hair is the last thing on their mind. i’m not used to having a style last for 5 days, so i don’t care. get up, co-wash it in the morn and go on with the day.

  • Anonymous says:

    Tray–I totally feel you. I’ve been with my man for five years and I can’t remember exactly when I began to break out the scarf at night. The kicker–my bf is white so it was even more of a, hm how do I explain this to him. Bottom line–I got tired of messing up my hair and he came to realize in order for me to have the flowing tresses we both adored, the scarf would have to be on.

  • Claudia says:

    I’m so with Tray on this one, someone give us black women some credit! We sure as hell know how to get and keep us a GOOD man, no matter his background. We have good relationships, good sex and value both! πŸ˜€

  • Anonymous says:

    You ladies are hilarious! I just sat here and laughed my butt off. Nikki you are crazy girl! I love your blog! =)

  • Tray says:

    Okay SOMEbody call Oprah! Cause the most amazing, smile inducing thing about this post to me is that so many Black women are in what sound like fulfilling relationships and having great sex with their partners!

    Cause to hear every damn newspaper, television, and website tell it, we’re all sick and tired and hopelessly lonely. Damn that, I say!

    So g’on y’all!! Keep doing what you’re doing!

  • Anonymous says:

    maria you are too funny!(hair being pulled in its most delicate state) Too funny!

  • Anonymous says:

    My Husband is caucasian, and when we first got married, he just couldn’t understand the whole head tying thing. I tried to explain it to him, but he just was not getting it. I thought “Boy, I’ve got my work cut out for me” I mean to his defense, I don’t know any caucasian women who tie their heads before bed. I am not saying that they don’t do it, I am just saying that of all the ones that I know, none of them do.

    My husband really hated it when I wore a scarf, or anything in my head before bed. So I decided to stop wearing the scarf. Well the first time that I didn’t wear it, I woke up the next morning and my hair was a HOT MESS!!! It startled him so much that he now begs for the scarf. LOL!!! Needless to say that he gets it now πŸ™‚

  • Moira says:

    LOL! You are all too awesome!! I’m so glad this has been brought up. Like many of you I use a silk pillow case but my hair is the LAST thing on my mind as well! We really don’t mind my hair getting messy and we’re both wearing crap eating smiles when it’s all said and done. A minor sacrafice, but it is SO worth it!

  • Claudia says:

    This is hilarious πŸ˜€

    I’ve been with my man for five years and I’ve slept in my silk scarf and stockingcap for about a year now. He doesn’t mind, he knows my hair is important to me. Fortunately for both of us, our fav posish is doggy style, so I don’t usually worry about my hair. Any other position is usually performed in bed, and then I will just keep the scarf on and take the cap off. The scarf is a pretty pink, so he doesn’t mind me wearing it πŸ™‚

    When it comes to new boyfriends, I usually mention I shower with a cap at some point in the beginning and have sex in positions that don’t put my hair on the pillow or another surface. I’ll put my scarf over the pillow at first, and once we get more comfortable ill put it on my head, and even later ill introduce him tot he stockingcap :p

  • Twisted Kurlzz says:

    Lol, this is so funny and I am laying here in this hospital bed laughing my behind off, but I am glad that the topic was brought up. Every time that my husband and I are getting ready to “do what we do”, he is always like, “be careful, because I don’t want your hair to get messed up”. Now ladies, I love my husband to death, and I really appreciate him being concerned about my hair, but when it’s time for us to “do what we do”, the last thing on my mind is my hair. He always makes sure that my satin scarf or bonnet is somewhere close. I always say to him, “now you know that no matter if I cover up my hair or not, the scarf/bonnet will always end up in the floor with the pillows and everything else, so that is really defeating the purpose”. I look at it like this, I may have spent a while doing my hair, but if it gets messed up, then I will just do it over and I am sure that he would help me if I asked him to. So, with all that said, I really don’t worry about my hair when it comes to that. Besides, we are always happy in the end……lol πŸ™‚

  • Bianca says:

    LOL LOL Curly Nikki’s a freak!! haha!! Nuff said, sex and hair is amazing the yanking the wrapping around the hand the grabbing!! Yea who cares about hair when sex is fun!! BF does like the scarf especially the fact that I look cute in it, the rollers would hurt my little head so I threw them out, the satin bonnet looks pretty cute sometimes I have worn it around him, but sex is the joie de vivre (joy of life) so cookie gets to do what he wants with the hair when he feels like it!! When the hands are in the hair its like heaven I tell ya!!

  • Anonymous says:

    OMG!! This discussion is sooooo funny! You gals crack me up!!!! I am with the blogger xoxoOlivia 7:09 PM. Eventhough I am of age, my time hasn’t come yet. However, I often wondered whether or not the images that I see on TV, where the woman is all made up, swinging her hair all around and still has her hair and make-up intact afterwards were a myth.

    After reading all of your posts, I am realizing that it’s a myth. Whew!!! I am so RELIEVED!!!! Because there is no way that I would be able to keep up that appearance. I habitually tie my hair at night because if I don’t, it is a frizzy mess the next day.

    You gals rock!!!

  • Anonymous says:

    Lol. This is too funny. There’s no way my husband would let me wear a bonnet on my head during sexy times. Lol. He doesn’t even like me to sleep in one. I rely on my satin pillow case, and I only wear my bonnet to sleep in when he is working out of town. Lol. Anyway, I can forget about a hairstyle during sex b/c my hubby likes to pull my hair and what not, so I just have to re-do the next day. I know, tmi….lol.

  • Mzbush says:

    LMAO! This is HILARIOUS!! Nikki…as always, you are right on point! Get on Cowgirl status and keep it movin! lol

  • Twitchy says:

    LOL wow, because I JUST started sleeping on a satin pillowcase. I know, I know. I should take more care of my hair. But I just don’t get all into it like that. *shrugs* And I’ve never thought about trying to keep my hair from getting messed up while doing the horizontal polka.

    I’m so focused on everything else, I forget about hair, nails, the fact that I need to drop 5 pounds…sometimes I forget my name let alone what my hair is looking like.

  • D_luv says:

    RRRowr! Messing up the hair is part of the fun as far as I’m concerned, but I feel ya’ll on trying to keep it daytime sexy too:)

    UNFORTUNATELY, this is not a problem for me at this time — there’s no one to protest ugly bonnets or play and pull in the hair right now, but thanks for all the great suggestions!

    PS: Nik I like your style tryin it sexy granny! LMAO

  • Anonymous says:

    I love this topic! Anywho my hubby doesn’t care about the bonnet or scarf so we can have sex either way. I asked him to make sure and he said that’s the last thing he’s worried about when it’s time to get down lol. Tray I was in the same position as you, esp since my hubby is not Black. I think about 7 months in I busted out the doobie and scarf (I was relaxed then). I explained to him how black woman can’t sleep with their hair all out without it getting ruined and he was totally cool with it. He actually thinks I look cute with my hair all tied up. So my advice is to get out the bonnet and the pillow πŸ™‚

  • A. says:

    wait. so the bonnet isn’t a good look?
    LMAO! This was so on point. It is kinda sad that he asks you if you have somewhere to go the next day. I think he’d prefer the bonnet to – “yes. I have somewhere to go tomorrow – how about the next day.” aahaha – this was too funny.

  • Breezy says:

    ….I’m now going to have stop reading Curly Nikki at work!!! lol

  • Maria says:

    You guys are too funny! I used to think that any common sense went out the door the second the hubby wants sex. The other day I finally figured out how much I love my hair. I came out of the shower and he gave me “the look” and told me to keep my wet hair down. I said hell no. I could picture my hair in its most delicate state being pulled… it wasn’t an option. I put my hair up in a ponytail and the DH was sad he didn’t get to pull it. Get over it dude!

  • Unknown says:

    LOL @ Tray! I did the same thing. For the first couple weeks when I was dating my current bf, I slept with my hair out. Finally, I busted out the bonnet and satin pillowcase! Bf thinks I’m crazy, but he still loves me πŸ™‚

  • Moniero says:

    Tray…my advice is “break out the bonnet” and see what he says! (LOL) If he’s feeling you and your feeling him it shouldn’t really matter.

    Nikki: I have been with my husband for 6 years, and he still gets a good joke in!!!

  • CURLYNIKKI says:

    You guys are HILARIOUS! I told hubs I shared about our sex life on the blog…he just shook his head. He loves me πŸ™‚

    I’m loving reading these comments! I’m seriously laughing out loud. I hope someone can give Tray a response! I’ve been with my man for 7 years. I can’t remember when I slipped into the ‘real me’, but he never lets me forget how ridiculous I look sometimes. Whenever i get in the bed with my heating cap on, I can see him staring at me. I try to wait him out…staring straight ahead at the TV, but when I finally make eye contact with him, he falls out laughing, and calls me an alien. He knows he likes it πŸ˜‰

  • Tray says:

    I’ve been waiting for someone to bring this subject up forever! And since the door’s open…. All my single ladies?! Where you at? Respectable married ladies this “oh my husband doesn’t mind” is so beautiful and can’t wait until I get to that point….

    Buuuuttt what about when you’re dating a guy and the relationship gets to THAT point? Am I the only one who lets him meet the always fly “representative” who wears her hair out every night before introducing him the the real me who sleeps in twists, rollers, knots, bonnets, and/or scarves on the regular?

    Anyone else struggle with deciding the moment to introduce the “real you”? And what kind of responses have folks gotten from their new guys when they do?

    I can’t be the only single and dating woman here trying to figure it out,can I? lol. So far I’ve never gotten any “whoa you look crazy! what happened to the cute nighttime version of you?” yet…..

  • Anonymous says:

    I’ve been married almost 24 years (by the way Nikki, we share the same anniversary). I lost all sexy with my 1st pregnancy when I threw up all over my husband while he was delivering our son on our 1st anniversary. After that I’ve never worried about how I look and we now have five boys. Honey, just enjoy the moments and don’t sweat what a bun or a scarf can’t fix.

  • SwirlyT says:

    I concur with everyone else. When the time comes for me and my hubbie to do our thang, hair is the last thing on my mind; that’s what Set it Free, Spiral Spritz and all the other products that promise curl revitilization are for.;-) Plus, as the above post stated, wait until the kids come, you’ll be figuring out how keep quiet instead of thinking about hair!

  • Anonymous says:

    Oh my goodness nikki you and this crew are too funny! I have to say i never gave it too much thought ,i always sleep on a satin pillowcase and i usally wear my hair in a loose ponytail .

  • Moniero says:

    LOL! Starts off with the bonnet, but never ends that way! Next day, pony tail, or a little shea butter and leave in!

  • Anonymous says:

    This is too funny. Wait until you have kids and have to be really creative. Hair won’t matter then. I promise.

  • Afrocentric Mocha says:

    LOL Nik…But I’m w/ you on the satin pillow or finding an alternative spot…hehehehe

  • D Alexandra says:

    “The hubs has got to give me some credit though…at least I don’t try to freak him down in my sexy granny bonnet anymore!!! I’ve come a loooooooong way. True Story.”

    That was hilarious.

  • Lteefaw says:

    “at least I don’t try to freak him down in my sexy granny bonnet anymore”

    ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!! I can’t believe that you guys are thinking about your hair during sexual relations.

  • ChocolateOrchid says:

    Honestly hilarious!!
    Loves this post!
    I took notes for future reference.
    lol =)

  • Wes says:

    hahahaha!! I concur Nik… Although some days I say ‘oh well’ and know that the next day will most certainly be a PONYTAIL day… LOL!! Great post.

  • Anonymous says:

    LOL! That was a great post!

  • CurlyKye says:

    *Picking myself up off the floor, dying from laughter* Giiiiiirrrrlll, you are a mess but you speak the TRUTH!

  • Inga says:

    This is so still can’t believe you put that out there…well…If I want to tie my hair down,I doesn’t really matter to my husband what’s on my head…he’s not looking there anyway! and he doesn’t ever play in my hair….just the way it is….besides it’s not too much of a problem for me since we don’t “mingle” often ’cause I just don’t like sex..(TMI???:-)) I really don’t have much of an issue ’cause by the time that time comes around for style is old …and right now I’m not too good with upkeep..nuff said..

  • Anonymous says:

    haha πŸ™‚

    i wish i could relate ..

    but when the time comes, thanks for the suggestions ladies. πŸ˜‰

  • LBell says:

    Thank you, Misses Anonymous 6:40 and 6:45. I was beginning to think I was weird. πŸ˜‰ Though I must say I’m grateful that my hair is now at a length where I can pull it back in the morning without it looking too off…

  • Anonymous says:

    LMAO regarding this post. Nikki girl u’s crazy. I have a twa so I don’t have this issue. Actually the sweat is great for my twa. I just love this blog, and all you naturals sharing your experiences.

  • Anonymous says:

    LOL at this topic. Get it y’all. My bf knows when it’s ok to pull/play and when not. Fresh do, don’t. Old do, please do!

  • Tiana says:

    I love this post! When my hair is loose (twist out, shingled, etc) I get on top (reverse cowgirl is great!), lean my head off the bed or let him handle business from the back. He loves the switch up and I preserve my sexy so we both win!

  • Anonymous says:

    my hair is the last thing i’m thinking about during sex. period.

  • Anonymous says:

    my hair is the absolute last thing Im worrying about when it comes to adult activities.. if the fro aint sweated out then something is wrong-he he…half the time the bonnet is gonna end up on the floor with a random sock or something…

  • Moni says:

    My bf has been with me for 6 years, so he’s seen it all, from the rollers to the bonnet/scarf to the (very rare) just let it all hang out. I just throw on my silk bonnet and let the mood take us wherever we want to go! I’m hot no matter what’s on my head!

  • Desiree says:

    PS – get him to rub your body more than your hair and you can protect your style that way too.

  • Desiree says:

    Thank GAWD somebody put this out there! I’ve been curly since January (thanks to you and Teri!) and I’ve been struggling with the nightime routine and the getting busy! My hair’s a little past BSL and my boyfriend loves it and I’m just not down with the whole bonnet, rollers, etc. to come to bed. Usually I put it in a bun of some sort because even on top I suffocate him if it’s down.

    Those movies where she’s on top and swinging her hair all around are a myth!!! If your hair is out and anywhere past your shoulders and you lean down to kiss him you’re both gonna get a mouthful of hair!

    You could play a little and do two little schoolgirl braids – I’ve done that before and it’s gotten rave reviews! πŸ™‚

  • Zizi says:

    ahh the good old days!! My ex used to love my hair and we used to enjoy a lot of fun in that department. My problem was I sweat in my head a lot! so I would often put it up in one or try to save it afterwards by plaiting it up!! If all else fails i would wear a puff after wards and wash asap!!

  • LaMaraVilla says:

    YEEEEEEEEES!!!! I love it!!! LOL
    As far as my hair goes when it comes to my sexcapades, I don’t even think about it to be honest. Like you said Nik, if I just did my hair the night before I will do positions where my head doesn’t need to be laid on any surface, otherwise I just do whatever then slap that b*tch in a pony-puff the next day πŸ™‚

  • Anonymous says:

    Ok…hilarious topic, but I can relate so much! I am just as fanatical about my hair style…I keep a satin pillow near me at all times while doing the do. The hubby has gotten use to this so now he makes sure the satin pillow is in place…lol! Another good position is doggy style, if you don’t put your head down on the surface…or just put the satin pillow there.

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