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Curly Nikki

On the Therapist’s Couch with Kimberleigh

By January 27th, 202147 Comments
Hello, my name is Kimberleigh Beard. I am 18 years old and am currently 4 months into my transition to natural hair. I write poetry and have been writing poems about my hair lately and would like to share them with the CurlyNikki community. I was born with cerebral palsy which resulted in a limp, low physical capability and a bad stutter. Growing up, I have always battled with low self-esteem and confidence issues. I can not tell you how much my low self esteem has hindered my life farther than my physical disability ever could.

I decided to transition to natural hair after seeing countless people doing it and falling in love with its beauty. My family has not been supportive at all. I recently had to get my hair cut really short because it was damaged from bad braids (knotted up, took out my hair). It seems to me that now that my hair is short, they no longer feel that I am beautiful. My mother told me that by giving up my long hair I am losing my natural beauty.(translation—you look ugly with short hair) –This statement is what made me write this poem.

I really want to go natural. I know that it will be worth it in the end. But, it is so hard without support especially when I don’t have the money or transportation to do it alone. Either way, I am going to continue on this journey… for me!

All my life (spoken word)

All my life
I’ve been what other people thought of me
Never been free
Born in chains
And then I got a whole history behind me
Of bondage
Ancestry—
Never been free
Always the ugly one–
The no fun–
The why can’t you be bright like the sun
Why?–
Cuz out the womb
These20legs didn’t run—
And this voice
Was a jammed trigger–
On a gun
Cuz out of the womb these legs didn’t run—
Grew up surrounded by negativity
Nobody wanted me
Nobody could see what the quiet girl in the corner
could grow to be—
Too many fishes in the sea—
So many quick to flee—
Didn’t want to cut down
The weeds
To get to the flower garden,
But that’s all I am

So I beg your pardon—

I am calm of the sea

After the storm clears
I am the white in the cloud
After the skies tears
I am a wine
I get better with the years===
And oh yea
as a reference to an earlier poem
I am already here—

All my life

Ive been what other people thought of me
Never been free
Born in chains
And then I got a whole history behind me
Of bondage
Ancestry

One morning

I thought to myself
If I can’t be happy
I would be nappy
Actually
I thought to myself
If I believe
That god makes no mistakes
If I believe
Our beauty
Has been covered in drapes
Whipped,
And raped

Put back together and handed to us

Back as shit
Like a doo doo cake

Then I am going to get rid

Of the bullshit
The creamy crack
The no matter how straight your hair is
Your still black
The white girl flow
Even though
You speak with a southern drawl
And stand
Like your missing a toe
Ass tilted to the side
Tilted to the sky
Hips wide
Like shocked eyes.

But its just hair

So who cares
I’m still beautiful
Like to some
I will never be

I’m still beautiful

Like to some I will
Never be

All my life

Ive been what other people thought of me
Never been free
Born in chains
And then I got a whole history behind me
Of bondage
Ancestry


And if life is about the
Aesthetics
Then this will be one hell
Of a journey
For a transitioning
Crippled
Black
And ugly
Sista.

On the Therapist's Couch with Kimberleigh
On the Therapist's Couch with Kimberleigh

47 Comments

  • dajewel1982 says:

    you are so beautiful, courageous and strong!!!!! don't let anyone deter you for fulfilling your goals, including going natural!! don't forget that we are here for you!!!

  • Barbara says:

    Wow! You are beautiful- as clearly seen in your photos. Your poetry is also beautiful. Be encouraged in all of your aspirations, life, and your goals. I'm in my mid- 30's and I learned over time to pray and be my own biggest cheerleader. Give yourself some positives to replace every negative that may come your way. Hang in there during your transition. It may be difficult, however it gets better with time. I transitioned for 14 months and then went to haircuttery and had the remaining relaxer cut off. I love my hair. It's so pretty and I enjoy the wash and go, pony puffs, and braid outs. Good luck beautiful and God bless.

  • D_luv says:

    How ironic — that this poem accepting ugliness was written by such a beautiful girl. Your writing is a powerful talent. It moved me without even hearing it delivered by you, so you KNOW your words have power. Keep stepping with pride, looking neither to the right and the left, letting no ugly words, jeers, or even disapproving silences stop you from moving forward towards your destiny. Peace, Sis!

  • Tina Beanie says:

    Beautiful words, beautiful smile and beautiful girl!

  • liz says:

    just another vote for, you're gorgeous and this post totally rocks!

    come say hi some time online, with us crip chicks with attitude ! 😎 on GimpGirl! http://gimpgirl.com

  • Anonymous says:

    Thank you for sharing your poem and your story. You truly are beautiful inside and out – never believe anyone if they tell you otherwise!

  • Cali says:

    Kimberleigh, you are very talented, and beautiful inside and out. Don't let anyone knock you down, and tell you otherwise friends or family! Good luck throughout your transition, yes it will be worth it in the end!

  • Anonymous says:

    wow…i know what is like to have the support of ur mom…esp. when u have long relaxed hair…but what does God say…no matter what our parents r human…and vulnerable to human frailty….God wants u to love urself…and if u feel that doing this will help u…than no man on earth can stop that …but only if u allow them to do so…trust God, surrender this Journey to HIM and watch what God will do for u…Expect the best…..and that poem….girl i called my dad in the middle of the night to read it to him….i gotta read that for the 3rd time before i go to sleep…I give God the glory that we as black women are REJECTING the LIES and EMBRACING THE TRUTH!!!!

  • The Thrifty Dyva says:

    Not everyone will be supportive but you have to do what is best for you & what makes YOU happy…You are such a cute girl with a beautiful smile…Transitioning is hard for many of us especially w/ little/no support. I pray you do what makes you happy and continue writing your beautiful poetry!!

  • Anonymous says:

    this is kim. I know i am late. (internet is not working). just wanted to say thank you all for your love and support. I can’t stop smiling!!

  • Anonymous says:

    Hey Kimberleigh, I loved your poem, it tore at my heart strings and made well up in tears. There is nothing wrong with you, you are a very cute girl. Any young man would be lucky to have you on his arm. Please don’t let the opinions of others dictate the way you feel about yourself. Let the light you have within shine outwardly so everyone can see it.

  • Unknown says:

    The poem gave me chills. You’re an excellent writer and I hope you gain success from it one day. You are beautiful and no matter what anyone thinks, family or not, God appreciates you for you.

  • Shell says:

    A powerful and wonderful poem, Kimberleigh. You keep listening to yourself and know that your are beautiful!
    I applaud you for standing up for yourself to your mom. Natural hair is beautiful because it’s our hair and our heritage.

  • Anonymous says:

    absolutely amazing! You are so talented! Keep being strong and doing what you are doing. You got my support. Peace! Monique

  • Alice says:

    beautiful poem! NEVER let anyone tell you you aren't beautiful. You have a beautiful mind and spirit. 🙂

    Best wishes on your natural journey,
    Alice

  • keykabrown says:

    Your poem was eloquently written and your beauty is unquestionable – never allow anyone to tell you different. Be Strong! Be True! Be Uniquely You!!

  • Anonymous says:

    ur gorgeous. inside and out. And deep. My new inspiration lol

  • Butterfly73 says:

    I can't tell you how much your poem and your spirit has brought tears to my eyes! Thank you thank you thank you for posting it.I myself suffers from a dehabilating illness and there are days that I feel ugly and don't want to be anywhere but in the corner. But lil Sis…you've made me aware that we ALL are beautiful.
    Thank you for posting.

  • Our Forever Continues... says:

    Sista love, u r absolutely beautiful. LOVE the poem…keep writin'…you have a God-given talent.

  • Queen says:

    You are AMAZING!! I am proud of you. Thank you for sharing. You brought tears to my eyes………

  • Anonymous says:

    From reading your poetry, it is quite evident that in only 18 years, you have more strength than most people ever achieve in life. You are beautiful because you are fearfully and wonderfully made. Your Heavenly Father made you PERFECTLY in His sight. Don’t EVER forget this! I just BC’d last week and I am realizing just how much pressure society places upon black women to NOT be ourselves. Good for you that you are embarking on this journey at such a young age. Embrace yourself for all that you are and never stop loving yourself…
    May your journey to healthy, natural hair be a remarkable and enjoyable one!!

  • Avidreader says:

    What state and city do you reside in?

  • Anonymous says:

    I have to cosign what the 1st anonymous poster wrote. It bothers me that you think you’re ugly, when in reality YOU’RE GORGEOUS

  • Kiki Labelle says:

    This is such an inspiring poem! You’re a very talented young lady! and pay no mind to what others say, i know that’s easier said than done, but as you said in your poem, God doesn’t make mistakes! Keep writing and happy growing!

  • Anonymous says:

    you are absolutley beautiful!

  • Anonymous says:

    beautiful young lady, beautiful hair, beautiful words which brought tears to my eyes.
    thank you for blessing us with this poem. you may not use your legs like some others.perhaps because you have wings. angels usually have wings. like you.

    much love from berlin,

    monika

  • Anonymous says:

    All I can say is “It’s DONE!” I CAN’T WAIT TO SEE THE LEGACY U LEAVE ON THIS EARTH!!!!YOU ARE A GORGEOUS SISTER AND DON’T EVER FORGET IT!!!

  • Anonymous says:

    What a beautiful poem and from such a beautiful girl. I am speechless. Awesome poem. It is hard to go against family but you have got to live your life (just like they are living theirs!). Keep your head up and don’t ever lose that stunning smile!

  • Anonymous says:

    Great poem, my beautiful young sister. Your experiences are a testament to the mental transition that has to take place alongside the physical transition. Stick with it, keep writing and always keep smiling;-)

  • Newly Nappy says:

    Get it gurrrlll! OMG that was such a beautiful piece and you my friend are a BEAUTIFUL girl! That smile is so outta here. U keep ur head up & do u. If u continue on this journey (for urself & nobdy else) it will just get better & better. We support u! Much luv 2 u beautiful :->

  • Anonymous says:

    Girl, keep your head up and keep on smiling. You have to be happy within yourself and I know it can hurt when your own mother tells you you are ugly, but know you are beautiful in every way possible. Like you said God doesnt make mistakes.

  • Anonymous says:

    What a way with words…I am speechless. The person who wrote that, can only be beautiful. Close your ears to all the hate, because as you’ve already said God don’t make no mistakes. I’ve always been told, those that mind don’t matter; those that don’t mind matter. Remember that when people to try to bring your self pride down…

  • Anonymous says:

    You are very pretty and have a beautiful smile. Straight hair or TWA, you are you NOT ugly at all!

  • Anonymous says:

    That. Was. Awesome. I think you said everything I am feeling.bravo to you! Keep your head up!

    Jennika

  • Anonymous says:

    Amazing!

  • NappySince10/01/08 says:

    wowwww! your words are so beautiful and so inspiring; touching; powerful. I didnt recieve any support either except for the inspiration that I get from sites like these. Girl, you better stay inspired and go ahead and do your thing & go natural. You ARE beautiful. The Lord ALWAYS knows what He's doing. I can never say it enough. The best thing one sista said (that I read) during my journey are these simple words: It's NATURAL to be natural… Aint nothin ugly bout that boo. Do you 🙂

  • Mlle M. says:

    Oh my goodness, words can’t express how deeply I am touched and INSPIRED by your words and your spirit! At 18 you have wisdom and courage far, far beyond your years. And you’re wicked smart! Keep writing. You are BEAUTIFUL, inside and out, and your words are beautiful too. Your ability to refute the negativity you’ve experienced and see and love your true self are inspiration to girls and women everywhere. Please keep writing and sharing it with the world.

    And about your hair: yay for your transition! I’m sorry your family is not supportive. Find a supportive group of people — even online — to help you through your journey. I think you will look great with natural hair. Keep us updated on your transition. Much love to you.

  • Anonymous says:

    You are a very wise young girl. Your smile and your poem are a signs of pure beauty blossoming, and now your hair is as well. Time will bless you and the people around you.

  • Claudia says:

    This just brings tears to my eyes.

    Girl, let me tell you that you are beautiful. You are gorgeous and if your family does not support this, the hell with them. You are strong and capable and most importantly, you look amazing.

    I hope you will feel the same freedom resulting from your transition as I did, I pray for you, that you may find happiness and self-esteem. You are such a great, young woman.

  • puff says:

    oh my… this brought tears to my eyes. you are a beautiful woman, never let any one tell you or make you believe otherwise. congratulations on making the decision to be natural – and please, keep on writing 🙂

  • Anonymous says:

    You are such a beautiful young lady! And so talented. I know it is hard to go against family, but be strong and continue to let your light shine!

    ~nappy_curly_crown

  • 4aspiral says:

    You are a beautiful young lady. If this is the haircut in the picture you are talking about you look BEAUTIFUL. Do not listen to your mother. I have to say when it comes to hair a lot of woman cannot listen to their mothers, because their mothers are attached to the length and even if you are Halle Berry and you hair looks much better shorter than long, I’m sure her mom still tells her she should leave it long! Trust. My mother hated it every time I cut my hair and I’ve talked to a lot of other woman too who experience the same. Good Luck and Godspeed on your journey

  • Anonymous says:

    what the hell?! How can you call yourself a black and ugly girl?! You are so cute, and you’re only 18! Don’t listen to whoever is telling you this. I feel for you… and I am also very disturbed by this.

  • Brandee says:

    There’s nothing ugly about you…especially with a spirit like yours! Honestly, you are really really pretty. I can’t wait to see how your God-given hair makes your features shine all the more. 😀 Thank you so much for the poem…I’m inspired!

  • Christine says:

    This is amazing. You are beautiful sis. Keep smiling!

  • Unknown says:

    You are beautiful.
    You are talented.
    Congratulations on your decision to free yourself and your hair. May your journey be joyous.
    Laurie

  • JustLetYourSoulGlow says:

    What a beautiful poem and what an exceptionally beautiful girl.

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