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Curly Nikki

Things That Make You Go Hmmmm……#3

By January 27th, 202154 Comments

Things That Make You Go Hmmmm......#3
CurlyDrea writes:

A friend of mine thinks that the way women talk (his word choice was obsess) about their hair experience or journey, now that it’s in it’s natural state, is really just a way of reassuring themselves that they and/or their hair is beautiful, whereas those with relaxed and weaves etc. don’t need to cause they already feel that their hair is in it perfect state. What do you think about it?
Well ladies, weigh in!

54 Comments

  • Anonymous says:

    I disagree with your friend. Whether hair is relaxed or natural, people still obsess over it. As a new transitioner who got her last perm in late October/early November, I know that I was concerned about my hair and whether I would sweat it out in sports, etc. I am still concerned for it now. He seems to believe the mindset that straight hair is the new beautiful and that those who don't have it try to compensate for it. That is a huge load of garbage. I agree with what Nika said and many of the other ladies above. We as naturals embrace our hair because we are embracing and accepting all that God has given to us. It's a profound love and if we want the world to know, we will let the world know. I know I'm proud of my natural hair because it's ALL me.

  • Nika says:

    Those who are relaxed obsess over their hair as well. I think "we" (naturals) are perceived as obsessing over our hair because it is not the norm to witness many gratifying our type of hair. So when you see us loving it, touching, putting a lot of time and energy into it then it may seem like obsession but I don't think it is. Not compared to those with weaves or relaxers who dare not miss their weekly salon appointment and who have a new weave every month. Maybe our love of our hair is seen as an obsession because it is on a deeper level. It has to be on a deeper lever when you are embracing how GOD made you. I think people feel or witness that energy and confuse it with obsession. Hey maybe I am obsessed with my hair if that is what you want to call it, but I'm not anymore obsessed the lady next to me with a perm or a weave.

  • ANTIFUR says:

    I can't speak for any other women out there but I talk about my hair because I am excited. I have never been sooooo in love with my hair before. I have liked a style or a color I have sported but I have never actually LOVED my hair. It's because of this new journey I am on and what I am discovering that causes me to talk about my hair NOT BECAUSE I NEED REASSURANCE!

  • Suburbanbushbabe says:

    I think he's either FOS or hasn't checked out the Black Hair media forum, home of the obsessing weave and lace front ladies!

  • Unknown says:

    Your friend's theory is understandable, but misguided. Adding on what others said…

    1) We live in an unprecedented age of technology which allows us to connect and share information, tips, and techniques about natural hair in a way previous generations could not. This means more meet-ups, web boards, and chatter on the street. Today a black girl in West Texas or Idaho can buy the same products online as a girl in NYC or Chicago.

    2) As we learn more about the dangers of chemicals in hair products like relaxers, as well as other household goods, the green and organic movements are skyrocketing in popularity. I think the natural hair movement is linked to this.

    3) The naturally-curly look has become commercially accepted. The smartest personal care companies are catching on. This means you'll hear about it and see it more frequently than ever. Think about it! Kinky Curly occupies an entire shelf at Whole Foods. Major companies are making products strictly for curly hair textures, and you're seeing it at Target, Wal-Mart, Sephora, Ulta. Was this happening 20 years ago or even 10 years ago?

    4) I think there's a difference between obsessing about something (which is both unhealthy and unwise) and being interested in something enough to invest a greater portion of your time, energy, and money, e.g. fitness, organic lifestyles, and artistic pursuits.

  • Krystal says:

    I find this young man's statement pretty ridiculous. How is wearing fake hair a sign of perfection? If one's hair was in its perfect state, she wouldn't feel the need to wear a weave. And I've seen plenty of relaxed heads that were far from perfect, aesthetically speaking. Also, how is being relaxed being in a state of perfection when it has have to "touched up" every six to eigth weeks? To me perfection is never having to permanently alter your hair in the first place.

    I'll speak for myself, when I was relaxed, I thought my hair was anything than perfect. Though most people thought it looked good and healthy, I was extremely self-conscious about the way it looked. And believe me, the women walking around with relaxed hair obsess quite a bit. They obsess about their roots, their hairline, if every hair is in place, if the rain/wind/humidity is going to mess it up, how much a touch up is going to cost, whether or not to pay a pro or just do it herself. That's perfection? I was relaxed for 25 years–I know.

    I liken going natural to a spiritual conversion. The newness of it makes you want to talk about this truth you have finally discovered with the zeal of a new convert, and you want everyone else to know about it too. You find others who share your convictions and form communities that affirm your new beliefs. You want others to "see the light," thus the sometimes aggressive proselytizing to go natural. As far as I see it, there is nothing wrong with surrounding yourself with people who affirm you, and there is nothing wrong with affirming yourself. We naturals are living out our truths.

  • Writergirl says:

    I'm sorry, but I don't agree with your friend at all!

    Has he ever seen a proud mother beam about her children? Does that mean that she's trying to reassure herself that she truly loves them?? I don't think so. I think people generally like to talk about things they love or enjoy doing. I mean, it doesn't hurt and isn't offensive to anyone.

    Now the fact that your friend said somthing like this may be showing HIS OWN INSECURITIES about natural black hair. Now That's a damn shame.

  • Unknown says:

    I can only speak for me…and to a certain degree, he is right. I do have to sometimes say things out loud to 'remind' myself of the inherant beauty of my naturalness, especially on days when my husband acts the fool. HOWEVER, an even greater part of my 'obsession' is because this is seriously a new thing for me. and every new thing in my world requires full investigation. i never do things half heartedly so I seek to find out everything there is to know about every new challenge/topic/endeavour I embark upon and my hair epitomizes this right now.

  • Anonymous says:

    Just for the record, check out naturallycurly and the long hair care forum as well as the long hair care community. These communities are full of white women and women with relaxers who all chat a whole lot about their hair…..women who embrace their natural hair texture are not alone.

  • LovintheBlessin says:

    I agree with all these ladies and hate to beat a dead horse, so I'm curious, who exactly is this man (not looking for his name and social, just in what context you know him and this conversation came about) and after reading this, I wonder what he thinks now. I find that people often notice something, rationalize it in their head, and because it seems so rational, they then claim it to be a truth. My brother does this often when he'll say something like "people don't understand the depth of that line in the song" and I'm like, did you do a poll? who are these people, where is your proof, just because it took you a while to understand the lyrics means absolutely nothing about the other people listening to the song. I share this to say that this man might have just assumed that we naturals obsess out of insecurity, and then claimed it to be a universal truth, but how many natural woman does he know? How many did he question and talk to before he felt that he had the right to tell me why I do what I do? Maybe when he reads all these comments he will realize that he was wrong or at least acknowledge another perspective.

  • Anonymous says:

    He likes straight hair.

  • Maria says:

    As a member of the LHCF I can tell you right now that women with natural AND relaxed hair "obsess" over it equally. Go to Fotki and YT, trust me its not just us naturals LOL

    I can't speak for everyone here, but I am a 38 yr old woman that didn't get to see the true texture of my hair for over 25 years and so I think its only fair that I devour every blog, forum, and website available to learn about my hair. My friends and family that have been natural for all their lives do absolutely nothing to it and its not even a thought. With me, its an exciting new part of me and I get to experiment with all the things that I could never do before. BTW I have been loving hair care since I was 7 years old!

  • Rhapsody in PURPLE! says:

    ha, there is NO WAY i thought my hair was perfect when it was relaxed.

    it never worked.

    But you know what…in my part it is true. I obsessed for a good 5 months of my 7 months being natural. now its a way of life, as opposed to crazy obsession….
    if that makes sense…

  • Mo says:

    i think its really actually the opposite since those who make the decision to go natural are usually told they aren't beautiful or they're more attractive w/straight hair. We have no choice BUT to reassure ourselves b/c no one else will do it for us.

  • Natural Newbie's says:

    I think his words come from a place of complete ignorance. Not stupidity of ignorance of the natural hair experience, I think natural women obsess about their hair because they are enamored,amazed,curious,excited,nervous, etc etc about their hair, most of us havent seen out hair since childhood, so its like a new friend or a new toy or a science project, almost completely foreign- theres alot going on. With relaxed and weaved ladies I think they dont speak on it because they no if they have a style that looks good or not- it doesnt get really deep with relaxed and fake hair, I mean either your hair is poppin or your having a bad hair day, theres really not alot to obsess over. From watching youtube vids on weaves, I think the biggest challenge/excitment is making sure you have a closure that looks natural and of course you wouldnt speak on it publicly. The two experiences are so different its almost impossible to compare.

  • Danielle says:

    Do I expect a man (and seemingly one who preferences relaxed/weaved women) to understand why women (of ANY hair type) care about their hair (I say "care" because "obsess" was an absurd word to use)?
    – NO

    Do people who "obsess" about sports do so because they want to justify the amount of time and money spent on going to sporting events and getting sport paraphernalia?
    – I HIGHLY DOUBT THAT

    Do men that brag about the size of their "manhood" do so because they need to reassure themselves that their size is adequate, whereas men with certain sizes KNOW they are adequate and therefor let their manhood "speak" for itself?
    – HMMM. . . MAYBE. . . 🙂

    My point is that people "obsess" over various aspects of their lives for varying reasons. Now if you base your friendships on the way a person wears their hair THAT is unnatural, but since natural hair is far from being the societal norm I see nothing wrong with appreciating it, even if that veers into obsession.

    AND WHAT IS THIS IDEA THAT NATURAL HAIR WEARERS COMPARE THEMSELVES TO WOMEN WITHOUT NATURAL HAIR ALL THE TIME? In any case your friend is an ass who based his comment on the stupid notion that relaxed and/or weaved hair is the MECCA of hair-type. Ignore him.

    – DANIELLE

  • Namun says:

    Hmm, his logic is flawed. I sense some shallowness maybe a hint of envy. Beauty is more than just hair. Going through a natural hair journey takes courage, patience and strength. It's a huge accomplishment, one to be proud of and I would/will definitely talk about it. It's probably similar to how most guys obsess/talk about video games. The only difference is that a natural hair journey is actually real and life changing.

  • Siera J. says:

    I can see where he is coming from, and I also agree with the ladies whom have already posted, since transitioning to natural is as mental as it is physical how can you not obsess? We were taught all of our lives that our natural hair was ugly so yea..it takes alot of reassuring to reverse those mental chains.

  • Franki says:

    Of course we obsess and reaffirm; relaxed women have the world telling them that their hair is beautiful; natural women have to do it ourselves. Anyone who deviates from normal beauty standards is going to have to find acceptance on his or her own terms, and if your friend has a problem with that, he can have a coke.

  • Cygnet says:

    I mostly talk about my hair just when someone else brings it up. If I have an obsession about my hair at all, it's not over whether or not I should have ever gone natural–I've wanted to do it for years and am glad I finally did–but over how long it is versus how long I wish it was, but that's just because I've always loved and desired long hair. Otherwise, I just try to keep my hair looking its best and let the chips–and the comments–fall where they may.

    Members of my family obsess over my hair more than I do, to the past detriment of the peace between us. Things are a little better now, but I firmly believe that it's only because I haven't yet regrown enough hair for one of them to decide it's time to insist that I "do something" with it–usually something involving heat, which my hair absolutely will not tolerate! My support comes from non-family members and, more importantly, from my acceptance of the woman in the mirror.

  • BekkaPoo says:

    What's the saying.. "opinions are like a**holes".. yeah that.

  • luvleelox says:

    Let me preface my statement with an eye AND neck roll which I feel is totally appropriate in this context…what woman, of any color, socialized in American actually feels ANYTHING about herself is innately “perfect”…thus the relaxer and weave, makeup, fad diets, etc.

    Yes, I am obsessed, infatuated and in love with my hair…it’s a big friggin deal for me to have finally come to terms with the “truth” of my hair which has resulted in a EUREKA experience and who needs REASSURANCE regarding something that is truth for them? I don’t…however there is nothing wrong with giving and receiving affirmation, testifying and doing a jig if need be for liberty’s sake…natural hair sites, blogs and sisterfriends have been and Amen corner for me…when it comes to me and my hair, I am excited and I will talk about as much as I want to with no shame in my game…can I get an Amen?

  • Unknown says:

    I think because it's not a topic that's not discussed often, to him, it seems like an obsession. Now that more and more women are going natural, we hear about it a lot more too. At some point, the natural hair movement will reach a pinnacle and then come down (I hope not, but it will, that's the nature of things). He has to understand that our natural hair and the way it is, is a new experience for a lot of people. It's just like having a new boyfriend! Women tend to talk about the new man in their life a lot! We wouldn't call ourselves obsessed, but because it's something new and delightful, we just wanna share it with the world.

  • Anonymous says:

    Its because there is no decent media outlet conveying natural styles/products/regimens/beauty etc etc

  • NappySince10/01/08 says:

    so sorry for the double posts. i hate those. gr8 points yall. this is interesting to say the least

  • honeysmoke says:

    Umm, that's some flawed logic right there. Let me see if I understand.
    Relaxed or weaved up women know they are beautiful so they don't have to talk about their hair, where as people who don't put chemicals in their hair or have to have it sewn in need to reassure themselves of their beauty? Let's be real. Women who relax their hair or put weave in it are, in essence, assimilating to the white beauty ideal. While folks like me, who don't embrace that ideal, are accepting themselves for who they really are.
    Here's another way to look at it. When folks feel good about themselves, regardless of how they wear their hair, they don't mind telling anyone about it. I've been natural for 15 years, long before I had ever heard of the words, transitioning or big chop, and way long before there were umpteen natural haircare lines on the market. So, it would be short-sighted to think only newly natural women talk constantly talk about their hair. Truth is, I find myself talking about my hair a lot these days because women want to know how they can do the same thing. I also don't experience — or haven't thus far or am oblivious to — the ugly stares and rude comments some people are compelled to make about natural hair. Sure, people have asked me how I get my hair to do "that." When appropriate, I tell them I got this hair from my mother and father and leave it at that. But no one has gone as far as to make fun of me or tell me how to do my hair, or tell me that I talk about it to make myself feel better. I honestly believe folks know when they look at me that they shouldn't go there, and therefore they don't.

  • AlongCameStacey says:

    Speaking as a relaxed head, I don't believe that to be true. Both naturals and relaxed heads obsess over their hair. It's not just naturals or newly naturals that are figuring their hair out and trying to come up with new styles. There are a lot of relaxed women out there that NEVER learned how to care for their relaxed hair… Women who abused and ripped out their hair and covered up the damage with a sew-in weave. You will find entire online communities of women that are in their 20s, 30s, even 40s, trying to figure out their relaxed hair for the first time. Whether you're relaxed or natural, no one's been teaching us how to properly care for our hair and there is a wide movement amongst both groups to try and find all the answers. Call it obsession if you want but there are plenty of things men obsess over that are absolutely ridiculous. At least my obsession keeps my looking fresh, lol.

  • Mae says:

    Wow! His idea couldn't be further from the truth!! Now I must admit that I have talked more about hair with other women now that I'm transitioning, HOWEVER, it is definitely not solely for reassurance (even though the journey can sometimes be challenging – with WORTHWHILE rewards at the end. I've been getting perms since I was 6 and since then there was not much to talk about with others besides what perms they used. I realized that back then I wasn't concerned about the products I was using and how they were affecting my hair. Now that I'm on this journey of going natural, I LOVE learning how to better care for my hair which is why I am constantly talking to others about things they have tried! There is so much versatility when going natural and I can't help but get excited when the time I take in truly caring for my hair, reveals beautiful healthy hair! I have nothing against people who decide to perm their hair (it is a personal choice), however to go and say that is the PERFECT option…my my my…going a little bit too far my friend! : ) Everyone decides what is PERFECT for themselves, and I am PERFECTLY happy in being my NATURAL self : )

  • Anonymous says:

    I personally talk about my hair a lot because transitioning is new to me, and yes, it does require a lot of focus and self acceptance. I really don't see how a weave could make anyone feel confidant, especially if you know that your own hair won't grow underneath it all. I have nothing against relaxed hair. I have been relaxed for most of my life, but I disagree with the writer that natural women talk about their hair to feel better about their hair/texture, or better than relaxed/weaved up women. I think it is just because it is a new experience. I doubt seriously that I will be checking out natural sites/fotkis/youtube within the next couple of years as much as I do now.

  • Alice says:

    Naturals talk/obsess about their hair because it's hard to find anyone who supports our decision to stop relaxing our hair. We're doing something "wrong" or "ugly" to ourselves no matter how beautiful we look with a TWA or mid-back length locs. By talking about it, we create our own support network that we can go to when someone says mean things about us to our faces or behind our backs.

    I don't know about all of you, but there are no natural hair salons in my area that fit my student budget. Talking about hair care is a way to learn how to care for our hair when no one knows how or no one else WANTS to learn know to care for it. Throw in a dash of "I haven't seen my natural hair texture since I was 2" and you've got a lot of people with a lot to learn.

    The experience of going natural is life altering. Little things like playing in the rain, jumping in a pool, running until you can't feel your legs are (for many) completely new and exciting. You want to tell EVERYONE about it 🙂

  • A. Spence says:

    Relaxed hair for many black women wasn't a journey. It seemed like the only road. Those of us making the transition to natural hair are apprehensive due to the stigma of society and reactions of our community/family. I think we talk about this journey because it's a drastic step in our lives and we want to reassure ourselves that we're doing what we want to do.

  • Stacey says:

    I think this may just be a matter of his perception. There are also tons of sites about long, straight styles. He just may be around more curlies than straights *smile* I know before I embraced my curls I "obsessed" over whether or not to permanently straighten my hair. Should I do the Japanese straightening method, should I perm, should I continue to flat iron, etc. And I was not alone in this search, just google it, you'll find tons of stuff.

    I think the reason that curly hair seems more prevalent is because it's so new. We are still finding our way around this arena whereas with straight hair we know there are tried and true methods. Many of us were taught by our moms, who were taught by their moms how to straighten their hair. But how many of us grew up in a home that encouraged natural hair care without straightening? I'd guess not many.

    I think we will see that as time goes on and we teach our daughters our newly discovered hair care tips, it won't seem so novel. But right now it's something new in our community that we are (rightfully) excited about.

  • modest-goddess says:

    When my hair was relaxed the only time I thought it looked perfect was when I walked out of the salon. I knew that the second I encountered wind or rain or sweated my hair would no longer look good. I felt lazy because after blow drying my hair I didn't have the energy to flat iron. I felt unskilled because I couldn't wrap my hair or use rollers or braid very well. Most of the time I wore it in a bun with bangs in front. I felt very plain most days.
    I'm not out to convert people, when people make comments they are mostly projecting their feeling about their own hair onto me so I feel no need to respond. I don't care how other people wear their hair, just leave me alone.

  • Anonymous says:

    lol i love it when men comment on things they really know nothing about. when i wore a weave i was constantly obsessed and worried about tracks slipping out or showing. now that my hair is natural, i talk about it all the time because I have absolute FREEDOM and CONFIDENCE!!!! so yes, i will talk about it a lot because I'm PROUD and excited that i can finally be me and not worry about my darn weave. 😛

  • Anonymous says:

    I also agree that women talk about their hair because it's new to them. Further more, with the web their is a ton of new hairstyles, method for caring for your hair and more. I don't have a hair stylist I can get info from so I rely on info I've collected from a variety of sources. I talk about my hair to my hubby and anyone who is interested. However, my fav time to talk about hair is with my sis cause she is natural too. We chat as much as we like about what w are doing with our hair, products and more. We are not chatting about our hair because we are trying to convince ourselves that we/hair are beautiful, we already feel we/are beautiful. I simply enjoy talking about hair..it so fun, interesting & new!

  • Journey says:

    i have to agree with him. i know when i look at some natural hair care blogs i don't get it. i hear people say they do not want to be friends with people who are not natural and they get on their friends for getting relaxers. i love my natural hair and i love seeing people styles and the products they use, but i don't define myself by my hair. even if other people do.

  • Anonymous says:

    This situation sort of reminds me of race. Today, many people say that race is not an issue anymore in America and some often mock minorities who still cite the injustices that still affect them today (Note: I hate using the word minority, but for this statement, it will have to work). However, those who do not have to deal with the problem of racism have a difficult time noticing or admitting that there is a problem because it does not directly affect their lives everyday. They never have the experiences that are outside of what is considered the norm because they are the norm. In relationship to hair, having straight, processed, or added hair is the norm. We see it everyday and no one really questions it. However, having natural hair is a change from the norm. It is different. We have those who support it, but there are so many more that do not. I still hear people today, even those close to me, who say comments like, “She needs to do something with her hair” or “Go get a comb or something” when they see someone who is natural. Therefore, women who wear their hair natural speak about their experiences to enlighten the minds of those who may be ignorant. I don’t know how many blogs I have went to where people who are natural post that other people (often with processed hair) said, “I would go natural, but my hair is nothing like yours” or “If my hair was like yours, I would go natural.” In some cases, it was actually some of us that are now natural who probably made those same claims. For that reason, when we speak of our natural hair journey or make comments about natural hair, it is an opportunity to show those who may not know about this less traveled road the joys, fears, letdowns, opportunities, and new experiences we face just celebrating what is naturally a part of ourselves. This is all to say that yes, I am obsessed about my natural hair, not because it is a means to reassure myself that I am beautiful with my natural hair, but because I have grown and in that process my hair has grown with me and become more a part of who I AM. As said on the famous tour…My Black is Beautiful…and I end by saying that no matter how your hair is…Your Black is Beautiful!

  • Anonymous says:

    I think this might be true at first, but once we learn how to take care of our hair its on! We are beautiful inside and out and no one can tell us that we are not!

  • NappySince10/01/08 says:

    wow. i would have never thought of it that way, because I never felt that way as Im sure my other newly naturally curly sisters and brothers would not agree with that statment for the same reason. It's something that he/she would have to transition into in order to understand how we are now falling back in love with what God intended for us to have. It can be frustrating at times and a matter of trial and error throughout each stage of our hair's growth. Since it is not just one individual (ourselves) going through this, we share and give love to each other b/c we just so happen to be aware that most our "own ppl" in the "outside world" are too ashamed/embarrassed to accept what most of us are now embracing. It seems like an obsession (and to some, it is for the time being) but others like myself need constant support and tips on how to manage our "new" fly/sexy/fun/cool/natural azz hair lol 🙂 It really is a love affair… I've got mad run ons sorry but I couldnt help myself. I hope your friend can understand one day and Im so sorry that he/she feels that way. Unfortunately the women who are relaxed and just KNOW that their hair is "perfect" the way it is (in its relaxed state), all i can do is shake my head. That's a joke right? Think about that one. As well as the obsessive weave-wearers…

  • NappySince10/01/08 says:

    wow. i would have never thought of it that way, because I never felt that way as Im sure my other newly naturally curly sisters and brothers would not agree with that statment for the same reason. It's something that he/she would have to transition into in order to understand how we are now falling back in love with what God intended for us to have. It can be frustrating at times and a matter of trial and error throughout each stage of our hair's growth. Since it is not just one individual (ourselves) going through this, we share and give love to each other b/c we just so happen to be aware that most our "own ppl" in the "outside world" are too ashamed/embarrassed to accept what most of us are now embracing. It seems like an obsession (and to some, it is for the time being) but others like myself need constant support and tips on how to manage our "new" fly/sexy/fun/cool/natural azz hair lol 🙂 It really is a love affair… I've got mad run ons sorry but I couldnt help myself. I hope your friend can understand one day and Im so sorry that he/she feels that way. Unfortunately the women who are relaxed and just KNOW that their hair is "perfect" the way it is (in its relaxed state), all i can do is shake my head. That's a joke right? Think about that one. As well as the obsessive weave-wearers…

  • Shell says:

    It's BS! We live in a society that pushes straight relaxed hair as the sole standard of beauty. We natural sistahs speak because we want to show the world that loving and wearing our natural hair is beautiful too.

  • Anonymous says:

    I'm not obsessed, I'm just determined to find out what is the best way to care my hair through the use of products and tools. And that means I'm going to ask loads of questions, watch youtube vids and peruse curlynikki.com. I was beautiful with relaxed hair and I'm even more beautiful with natural hair.

  • Anonymous says:

    I obsess about my hair because I ADORE my curls I have a serious love affair with them, and I have been natural for 12 years!

  • Ishea says:

    I believe that rocking a weave will give anyone an ego boost… but there's nothing better than knowing you're truly taking care of YOUR hair and rediscovering who you truly are. I think that it's so much deeper than just "hair"… it's like you're becoming a different person.

  • KeetaRay says:

    I agree that women talk about their natural hair b/c it is new to them. That is why I do it. I've had a relaxer most of my life, so this is really exciting to me. But I don't need reassurance, I already accepted me/my hair when I made the decision to go natural in the first place.

  • Anonymous says:

    If it is about reassurance that we "obsess" about our hair, is that so wrong? When everything is telling us that natural hair is wrong maybe we need to have communities that build us up and tell us that we are beautiful because no one else is.

  • Unknown says:

    Natural hair does not have nearly as much support and acceptance as relaxed hair. This is especially true for women with kinky/coils. Since there are so few places for natural women to come together and celebrate their choice and share pictures, videos, and stories about there experience, it would seem to some uneducated people that we talk about it because we're just trying to make ourselves feel better. (Strong side-eye).

    To this person I would say, if relaxed hair was as unpopular and prone to ridicule as natural hair, there would be blogs, videos, and a million fotki's for those women as well.

  • Mzbush says:

    I don't really think that statement was fair to make. Not all naturals obsess or talk about their hair. I didn't obsess until I found the many natural hair websites there are. The wealth of information has been so helpful. We would go broke buying products if we tried to find what works for our hair all on our own. And with all of the permed friends and family I have that differ in opinion, it is exciting to find that there are so many others that share in my love for natural hair. I don't think it's so much about reassurance as it is fellowship and understanding.

  • Anonymous says:

    People with relaxers "obsess" over their hair as well…

  • ChocolateOrchid says:

    Oh, I totally disagree with him. I believe that we (whose hair is natural) "obsess" about our hair b/c it is a new found love that we've embarked upon. Overtime, as with a new found love, we calm down but when it's fresh you can give it up. We are gonna talk about it, keep our hands in it, use/try whatever methods and products that we feel will help to nurture our natural hair.

  • Anonymous says:

    I agree with the other ladies. My natural hair is like a new lover to me, I'm obsessed to a certain degree! lol It feels good talking about it and besides, I want to learn all I can about it. So, maybe he is slightly right in his comment where he says we may be unsure about our hair but you can best believe, we, at least I, am going to continue to learn all I can to make this "relationship" work!!

  • KayC, The Quiet Storm says:

    Well, maybe some women talk (or obsess) about their natural hair because they are not comfortable with it. I personally think woman do this because it is new to them. The same way we talked about boys when we first started to date, cars when we first started to drive, jobs when we first entered the "real world" after high school and/or college, as well as being a wife or marriage when you first walk down the aisle.

    As with anything in life as time passes the need to talk about the "newness" in your life passes as well. I used to stay on the hair boards and post on everything. Now that I have a few years under my belt of being natural (12+) I don't talk about my hair as much but find other people want to bring it up. Which is just fine with me 🙂

  • Anonymous says:

    I disagree w/him. I think that I personally talk about my experience b/c it is new to me. I like to get ideas/advice/suggestions from other natural heads. Women with relaxers have typically had relaxers most of their life so there is no reason to seek out opinions b/c they are already well versed in how to care for it.

  • Alicia says:

    I can see his point. I mean, when you grow up to believe that nappy hair is bad and straight hair is good, that does something to you. When you decided to step away from the relaxer or flat-iron and embrace your natural curls/kinks, you are stepping outside of your own former idea of beauty (what you have been taught). So yes, to a degree I feel that we may obssess over our hair to convince ourselves that it is beautiful in its natural state and we may even try to convince others to feel the same.

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