Renata writes:

I haven’t permed since July because I know this natural journey is definitely one in which I am ready to embark.
Unlike your hair story, however, I do not have a supportive partner…well, he is generally supportive of me, but in the hair department he’s really not.
About 6-7 months ago I chopped off 8 inches of relatively healthy relaxed hair into an angled bob because I had a 5 month old daughter at the time and was getting trapped in ponytail land.
I wanted to look like a hip, fashionable mom, not a carpool mom, so I chopped it and 2 months later chopped off another 3-ish inches and got highlights.
Loved the look…until it came time for me to wash it myself and to style, which always included the blowdryer and my trusty CHI.
Anyway, I’m a graduate of a prestigious historically black college and somehow managed to miss the hair epiphany in college…well, now it has hit me hard and my husband has no earthly idea why I’d want to walk around with my hair “undone”. He thinks I’m going through some kind of phase or post-partum psychosis (my daughter just turned 1 last month).
Do you have any advice on what I should do (or not do) to help him see the light and the beauty of natural hair?
I really want to feel confident that he’s going to find be beautiful going through the rest of the transition and the ultimate BC…


Husbands and SO’s can definitely be a tough issue to contend with, especially if they’re not on board. The mental and physical changes you go through during a transition is hard for you, but sometimes the change is even more difficult for your partner. Some people just resist change (no matter what it is), while others may actually be contending with their thoughts on what beauty is, and what it isn’t (‘white girl flow’ versus ‘short and nappy’). We’ve all fallen victim to it… we’re products of our society. But you have to remember that he hasn’t been on the net, researching, meeting and viewing pics of gorgeous naturals, and consuming tons of information about the dangers of relaxers and freedoms of natural hair. When he sees how confident you are in it (easier said that done in the beginning–trust me), and just how chic and beautiful natural hair can be (instead of that homely or dashiki wearing stereotype he’s harboring) he’ll come around. Educating him on the ‘movement’ itself will help too. We’re not losing our minds, going through a phase, dealing with post-partum depression, or even making a political statement. This is a reclaiming of our beauty…and reclaiming of our health. We are simply learning to care for and maintain our hair in it’s natural state–styling and enhancing it without excessive manipulation.
With all that said, give him some time (he needs time to mentally transition too), and educate him if he’s willing to listen. In the meantime, work on developing inherent self-esteem (by dispelling negative thoughts…if you want more info on that email me!), and your beauty will shine through.

I’m going to turn this over to the readers. Some of them may actually have experience in dealing with a resistant mate, and advice on how to get them to come around! Help her out ladies!