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Curly Nikki

Natural Hair, People’s Opinions, and Self-Esteem

By January 27th, 202186 Comments
On the Couch with Coren…

Natural Hair, People's Opinions, and Self-Esteem

Hi Nikki,

My name is Coren and I LOVE your blog. Very informative and inclusive of all curly hair types. I wanted to present something that I encountered to your readers. I recently got my hair blown straight–I wanted to switch it up a little and needed a more accurate cut. I knew it would receive a lot of attention because I have been wearing it natural for 1 1/2 yr.

Recently, I attended a social gathering and people came up and looked, complimented, and wondered if I had a relaxer, etc. A couple of comments stood out from the crowd. One lady said, “Oh let me see your hair. That looks nice. I like that. You should keep it like that.” With that last sentence she had a tone in her voice that said don’t go back, you look better like this. And it was written all over her face. Later on, another lady came to me and put her hand on my shoulder and said, “I like your hair like this. It looks good on you.” She motioned to my husband and said, “You can run your fingers through this.” I got my hair straightened in May and she (the latter) always makes a point to overcompliment (if that’s a word) my straight hair.

I have 4B highly textured kinky hair. To be honest, to a lot of people, that is the most dreaded hair texture. I was and am fully aware of this. I really dug down deep when I decided to go natural. Feeding into the lie, I also thought my natural hair would be unmanageable and that those with a ‘looser’ curl pattern could more readily wear their natural hair. While deciding whether or not to go natural, I did a lot of research (how I found your wonderful site 😉 ). Through this process, I found acceptance of my hair and that beautiful hair comes in all textures. Beautiful hair is hair that is well-maintained, healthy, and the owner loves, respects, and nourishes it. With ALL of that said I have embraced my hair and I have learned and I am still learning the do’s and don’ts.
I began to wonder, “What if I wasn’t secure in my decision to wear my hair natural? How would this situation have affected me?” It’s one thing to have your own opinion (however ignorant it is), but to share it with others without any regard to their feelings, fears and/or regrets is unacceptable. There are so many women that battle with self-esteem and self-image issues; we as women need to be more sensitive and mindful of what we say and how we treat one another. Every woman I know has on some level and at some point in their lives looked in the mirror and not liked and sometimes hated what they saw.
I just wanted to get input from the CurlyNikki community. I wondered if anyone else has had this experience…whether their hair was straight or natural. Have any of you ever felt the pressure to keep or go back to straight hair? Have you received unwarranted, and unsensitive comments?

Natural Hair, People's Opinions, and Self-Esteem


  • Anonymous says:

    Thank you so much for this post. I sadly have experienced this same reaction from close family members, one being my mother. She takes every opportunity to comment on how she prefers that my hair be straightened. I have 4b texture as well and it took me just recently(I have been natural for 22 months) to appreciate my hair and texture. It took me almost 9 months to go out without a wig out of fear of others reactions. I just have decided to ignore their comments and fully embrace my natural me. I am happy to say I love what I see when I look in the mirror. A more confident me. Thanks again and good luck on your journey. God bless!

  • Anonymous says:

    @Angelina, being a part of the Air Force I find it to be somewhat of a challenge to maintain the uniform regulations that are made to better suit those of a Caucasian descent as a natural. I wonder if someone will question my hair and sometimes I feel people don't say anything to not be offensive by suggesting I do (relax) my hair the way the other Black girls do to keep it managed. I got yelled at constantly in basic training and technical training for my hair, which was relaxed, but hard to manage. I notice that there is a big wave of women going natural in the service. I like seeing that. There are the women who are relaxed, but do things like dye their hair a "burgundy" color like it's really natural looking and get away with it. So I just keep doing me. I have been to the extreme of being the only Black person AND female in my whole entire building/ work center an it can really put the spotlight on how you carry yourself. So I knew going natural had to be for me and not just a phase. I have been in that place of low self-esteem and poor self image and still struggle with it today so it is important for me to be firm in my choices about my hair and my life. I am glad that all of the ladies here are able to share their stories. I appreciate the thoughts.

  • tpayne22 says:

    See that is the problem with people today. How can someone TELL you that they like your hair other than the way God made it grow out YOUR head!! You should respond back to those people with "hmmm yea well I like your face better if you had a nose job." Your hair, skin, face, body is something you can't fix and why should you have to! People need to understand they are beautiful as they are and watch their comments to others! I have seen ladies with 4 B / C hair with some rocking afros with luscious rich locks which I know my hair will never be able to achieve 🙁 unfortunately and not to mention walking around with hair as soft as cashmere! It is unique to them and beautiful! Its really upsetting that people are so calloused because what they are saying is the way you were made is a defect when its not! You hair is very pretty and you keep strutting your stuff and tell those people to kick rocks and whip you hair back and forth lol

  • Anonymous says:

    I want details please on how to get the look in the top picture ; gorgeous curls!

  • MsToni says:

    Wowwww! This post has really gotten a lot of comments. That just goes to show how ignorant and naive some people can be. I was just having a similar conversation with a friend of mine. Coworkers thinking it's okay to comment on my "nappy head". When I first BC'd back in July of '09, there were a LOT of negative comments, stares and "girl, what did you do to your hair"s. I, too, almost wanted to revert to the relaxer. I'm soooo glad I didn't give in to those negative comments. Just this week, some of the same ones who had negative comments gave me compliments on how my hair has grown since my BC…it's also very thick. Even my supervisor (a black guy) said, "your hair is really growing. It looks nice. I was scared for you at first."…REALLY?!

    My only regret is that I didn't go natural sooner. Well actually I attempted to, but lack of knowledge and negative comments had me slap a perm on before I completely transitioned.

  • Anonymous says:

    I love my natural hair. I really get frustrated when I like the way my hair looks, but I get no comments (negative or positive). Then when I flat iron my hair, I get tons of compliments even though my hair doesn't really look great. I feel like some people can only embrace the straight hair even though the curly hair is beautiful.

  • Princess says:

    I decded to transition because I wasn't happy with the way my hair made me feel inside. After doing research, I became completely engulfed with healthy, natural hair. It was more than just a style for me. The entire community seemed to be so spiritually free. My husband's motto is, "If it gives you peace of mind, go for it." That's what it's all about.

  • Anonymous says:

    OMG! Do Not Delete, girrrrl, I cannot agree more with what you said about people flaunting their hair to make you jealous. Every time I do a braid out or twist out I experience a lot of haterade from girls with perms. It's really obvious and immediate. They're eyebrows go up and then they toss or play with their hair. Let's keep it real many black women have similar reactions. They may not snicker or toss their hair at a curly but they def have the feeling of superiority for being part of the status quo. I still prefer my luscious moisturized thick curls to straggly damaged perm hair.

  • YesMAM says:

    I recently went into the juveniles with my parents because they teach incarcerated youth. As I walked past omne boy I heard him talking to another boy saying "that black bald-headed girl…" That was the first ignorant comment I heard since doing my BC in Oct 2009. What really amazed me was that he was clearly darker than me and our hair was the same length. It made me wonder if he has self-hate because of his dark skin. I love my hair and other people should love it just for the simple fact that I'm happy with MY hair.

  • Andréa Denise says:

    I love reading about other's experiences with hair. is the BEST!

    Funnily enough, strangers compliment me almost everyday about my hair…and I've had a tighter fade than my husband's, twist outs, straw sets, and a wash n' go for about 5 years. (I like my hair short.) It's my FAMILY that can't take it. My mom once remarked that I looked like a boy, or "someone's African" 🙁 and when I mentioned straightening it just for a different look, my husband's grandmother said, "well, you didn't straighten it for the wedding, might as well leave it like that…" (BTW I had an INCREDIBLE strawset with a champagne silk flower on the side)

    What does that even mean, granny?

    All I know is I love my hair, I look good, and my husband can't keep his hands off it!

  • Anonymous says:

    I have found this thread to be sooooo encouraging. It makes me feel so much better to know that there are so many other naturals out there who have the same experience as I have had with regards to backhanded compliments and negative and sometimes downright nasty responses to their hair. I just wish I had access to the wealth of information and products I have now back in high school, before I relaxed my hair. I used to try to wear my hair in it's natural state, but I tend to be hair styling inept, and so I was especially lost, and eventually just relaxed it. I never had any issues with my relaxed hair…no breakage, thinning, nothing, but after a while it was boring, and so I transitioned without knowing that's what I was doing, I just wanted my old hair back. It's been approx. 5-6 years since I left the relaxer. Sadly, my texture is not exactly as it was pre-relaxer, but it's close enough where I'm not completely sad about it. I can only imagine how gorgeous my hair would be now if I had known what I know now back then…but I am too stubborn to go running back to the relaxer or pressing comb behind a few ignorant people/comments…it does make you angry sometimes but I found in my case I become more and more set in what I want to do, and the comments just fuel me forward. I wish everyone would just let others live in peace and worry about their own lives.

  • Anonymous says:

    Just wanted to say thanks to you Coren. I have said the same thing. 4b hair is definately the so called dreaded hair type. It's amazing how much comments can affect you to the point of thinking that the way your hair grows out of your head is unacceptable or just outright not beautiful. It has been a long journey but thanks to inspiring stories lke yours and blogs like this I get closer and closer every day to loving my highly textured highly coily-kinky 4b hair!

  • Queenofthe4s says:

    @ Anonymous November 7, 2009 3:43 PM – Adjusting to and accepting your natural hair can be challenging. You are not "wrong" for not liking your hair…I didn't like my hair either until I learned how to maintain it and realized that it doesn't need to have movement to be fly. After years of relaxing, you have to open your mind and change your definition of beauty. Hang in there…your time will come!

  • Anonymous says:

    Let's not attack the ladies who feel insecure!! It's a natural human feeling. Confidence is great, but I think it's useless without some empathy mixed in there 🙂

    Anyway, each day I am just filled with pride and happiness about just how many women are going natural and how proud and vocal they are about it!! Visiting hair blog and watching 'hair journey' videos on youtube have made my journey all the more wonderful.

    I agree that looser curls are often praised above us 4 type girls. I love my kinks, coils, naps, whatever people wanna call them they are mine, I own them with absolute pride and dignity and no one can tell me different. Our hair, especially us 3 and 4 girls, is the most UNIQUE HAIR in the whole world!!! No one has hair like us. We should fee honored and special to have hair that has so much versatility, texture, personality, and flair!

    I work in the nonprofit sector and so I see tons of ladies with natural hair. I can imagine that if I worked in corporate America I might get some lame back handed compliments. I have heard the "I like your hair straight better" over the years but who cares?! It's about what I like.

    One thing I learned is that constant heat over so many years will change your hair texture. I pressed 2-3 times a week when I was natural about 8 years ago and so when I did try to go 100% natural my hair was a mess. It was damaged and frizzy and crunchy in it's natural state. There was no curl pattern and I had no idea what to do with it. My mom actually encouraged me to do it. But, I didn't have the knowledge I do now. Nor the fantastic natural products!

    Boy was I surprised when after I big chopped in February of this year that I has such beautiful lustrious coils! Now, my hair is longer and I can really see and appreciate my curls. I had truly never see my hair in a 100% natural state. I learned how to care for it and condition it. I also learned to just say no to notions pushed on us by a euro standard of hair care. I say no to sulfates and loads of other lab created ingredients. I just say not to frying my hair strands. I just say no to the idea I need to comb my hair. Whatever! I don't manipulate it with tools (except for detangling while I have conditioner in), I just use my fingers as my primary tools, and my curls are so much happier when I just leave them alone!

    Yaaay us!

  • Anonymous says:

    I'd just like to add that I think this post/ thread was useful and important. Someone commented that it felt like a "draining" "pity party." I think overall this blog has an extremely upbeat and inspirational tone. I'd say 99.9 percent is informative, rah-rah and you-go-girl positivity. Every now and then it's okay and healthy to vent a bit to get the negativity out. Because life hands us all a bit of that every now and then. Even psychologists say it's good to get things out and not bottle them up. Vent, commiserate, then move on. This was a rare commiserating thread. So Nikki, I hope you won't shy away from the tougher topics on occasion to keep the natural experience REAL. The FULL spectrum of the natural experience. If someone finds those threads too draining for them they should skip those threads- not criticize or judge those who might find them helpful. There's plenty of sunshine and sparkles here to compensate for an occasional darker topic. (And it was a good idea to follow-up with a repeat of that really cool natural hair compliments thread.)
    Thank you for this particular thread.

  • Ms. Silky Coils says:

    As a fellow 4 a/b beauty as you, I know how you feel. I have not straightened my hair since going natural YET, but will say that at first, all I heard was the question of "why". It made me think in the beginning why did I make this decision…but you know what, its just hair and that does not define me.

    Honestly, I get so many compliments on my hair its ridiculous! Lol….I think of that in those times of negativity and or looks.

  • Chrissystina says:

    I was at the mall, walking by a cart with young women selling hot irons, and basically showing people how to straighten their hair. One of the girls approches me and asks if she can straighten my hair. I responded,"No, thanks. I like my hair like this."
    And do you know what this horrible little girl replied?
    "Oh. Really?"
    Like, how on EARTH can I ever like the atrocious curls on my head. The NERVE. That was in the summer, and I still haven't straightened my hair. I'm better than that, dammit:-D

  • Anonymous says:

    I get ignorant comments galore: I had one lady ask me why did I cut off all my long pretty hair? (after I did my BC) Long and pretty???? lol My hair was breaking off, falling out and dry and stringy with the perm.

    Women also comment to me all the time that they would go natural IF they had a looser texture. crazy.

  • SuNni says:

    Im in the process of transitioning… loving the fluffy braid out. My mom called me eccentric the other day. I guess you could say that rubbed me the wrong way, because how is that considered eccentric?! To me, natural is weird? WTH! My sister chimmed in calling me crazy. It took everything in me to not comment on her dry and highly damaged relaxed hair and my mothers tex-curls. I dont want to be hurtful to others that disagree with my decisions, but with the people close to me, I wish they felt the same. I can only imagine their reaction once I BC, which is part of the reason I have held off so long. I should do what I want, but a mothers opinion always hurts their little girls feeling above anyone else.

  • CoilyFields says:

    Im expericencing this right now. I only straighten my hair twice a year to get a trim and people just gush over how long and pretty it is. On the one hand I know its different from what i usually wear so i enjoy the compliments. But it also saddens me to get those backhanded compliments. But you just learn to deal…It'll get easier to more you love you hair.

  • Nikki Fresh says:

    I also have 4b/c hair. I have been natural for almost 6 years and only started "wearing" my natural hair very recently (no wigs, braids, etc.) In the past when I have worn my hair natural, my mom and grandmother kept asking me why I won't comb my hair. I tell them that not only is it combed, but it is softer and healthier than ever before. My mom doesn't openly criticize anymore, but I see the look on her face unfortunately. I am still gaining confidence in wearing it, but my husband LOVES it and that helps alot. When I have straightened my hair in the past, people (including the hairdresser) were absolutely amazed at my length because of the major shrinkage I have! But I am learning that length is not what matters, but my hair's health. What good is long hair that always breaks? Coren, your story is not unlike many others with our hair type. I think our hair is more interesting and versatile…disregard the "negative compliments" like I have learned to and you'll be a happier person for it.

  • Anonymous says:

    Like everyone else I've heard it all. But I thought about my decision for years before I actually went through with it so I was strong in the face of the haters when I would go from curly to straight. The most vocal were those closest to me of course. It hurt, but I was/am grounded in what I want and like. One of them was a younger cousin, but a year or two after I transitioned her mother asked me to twist her hair like mine. I haven't straightened in almost 5 years, but I was 5 years natural the last time I did. I just basically shook my head at anyone who was throwing backhanded compliments.

  • Zoe says:

    Coren, thanks for sending in your post to Nikki. Your own unshakeable sense of self-esteem and self-worth will help others who are new to wearing their hair natural. I've been natural since 2001 and hopefully you can see from all this feedback, that you are not alone in receiving the back-handed compliments. On the rare occasions that I do get a blow out to have my ends trimmed evenly or just to change it up, there are the inevitable so-called "compliments" about how long my hair looks, how sleek/ professional/ serious / put-together/ pretty I look. I don't think people realize that what comes through loud and clear is closer to "normally you don't look professional/ put together/ pretty." Being true to yourself brings its own rewards and the real you will shine through. Family friends and family members used to say my hair looked like a rat's nest or that I should make an appointment for a press and curl – but now they all see how much my natural hair is me. My grandmother has even come around and said she thinks she likes my hair better this way! (It only took seven years!)

  • Anonymous says:

    I meant to write Sneeches–not Snitches!! LOL

  • Anonymous says:

    This is a little off topic, but it was mentioned in a prevous post and in other posts I've read on this blog as well as other blogs and hair forums. I've GOT to ask. I've noticed that several people say or write that they're against curl typing. Can somebody who feels this way, please explain why this is? I look at typing just as a descriptive term that's especially helpful when there is no visual or image. (Some people don't like to post photos on the internet.) Curl type is just the circumference of a curl pattern in a strand of hair, right? There's such a range of curl circumferences ,and though an individual's hair is unique, I think there are many cases in which the various categories tend to behave differently with certain products and styling methods etc. Curl pattern is just as important to note as strand thickness, porosity and length, right? A person who wears a size 10 might have better luck wearing the same dress that looks good on another size 10–as oppose to borrowing a size 12's dress. (That's not guaranteed ,of course, because proportions come into play, too, but the odds are a little better.)
    There will always be those who subscribe to the misguided notion that kind of curl is "better" than another kind–whether it has a "curl" name or not.
    Sorta like the old school "good grade" or "bad grade" of hair thing–as if hair were a cut of beef–prime, choice, select.
    So for those who don't like or use curl typing, is this a way to AVOID value judgments?
    So it's better or more useful when talking about styling or products to lump it all together with the very broad it's all "curly hair." The problem is not curl typing, but the BAGGAGE that some people bring to it, right? Someone against curl typing break it down for me, please, because I'm confused. When Oprah's hairstylist came up with typing I don't think he was thinking "grades" as in this hair type gets an A for excellent. This type gets a B or C. This type gets a D and this one gets an F. I don't think he was categorizing in a range of pass/fail or good/bad. I think he was just trying to come up a useful way to describe the different curl patterns so people can figure out how to work with and make the most of theirs. But people will always bring their value judgments to things much like the Star Belly and No-Star Belly Snitches in that ol' Dr. Suess book. It never ends. Again, curl typing isn't the issue. People who think of it in terms are pass/fail or good/bad are the problem.

  • Anonymous says:

    I have received my fair share of negative comments as well but I HAVE GROWN from them. People can say what they want but you have to be firm and sure of love for yourself. I have had my mother, sister, friends, ex-boyfriend and my mothers friends tell me I'm beautiful with straight hair and should keep it that way. Instead of getting upset I tell them, "I'm beautiful with straight or curly hair, haven't you noticed"? There is true strength in loving the way God made you and your hair. If someone else doesn't like it that speaks more to them hating themselves than the texture of your hair.

    Smooches and God bless!!!!!

  • Dolores says:

    Wow, the energy of this thread is really draining! Can we stop this pity party? I've been natural for about 3 year and I'm 4a/b (I guess). When I had a relaxer, I don't remember getting compliments about my hair. Since I have been natural, I get a ton of compliments! Many people find natural hair on a stylish woman to be refreshing! I found a website that is FILLED with pictures of very stylish natural women. Feel free to visit for style inspiration:

  • Chaka_Millz says:

    Im approaching my Nappiversary (November 25, 2009) and I can honestly say that some of the more hurtful comments came from my mom and granny. I remember one time when I was at home from school and I was on the computer lookin at different weave stles to try so I can have some variety with my protective styles. She asked me why did I want to have a weave if I chose to wear my hair natural. Keep in mind that I have always changed my hairstyles frequently ever since high school. My granny just says she likes my hair when its in braids or when I used to rollerset (not knowing that DUH! I can still rollerset my hair I just havent) Ive been having way too much fun with my natural hair. See I never knew what my real texture was and had I known how beautiful it was I would never had relaxed in my life. Unfortunately that wasnt my choice and things happen for a reason. Another incident was after I first BC'd, my besties were so supportive they couldnt stop touching my hair and I even got a new nickname lol PUFF. I was in the student center one day and the guy I was talking to at the time was standing next to me and another guy friend that has locs. Later on he pulled me to the side to tell me that people were doggin my hair sayin that I looked like I had a cotton ball on my head and stupid immature stuff like that. That brings me to another interesting point for there to be so few black people on Auburn's campus we sure spend a lot of time pickin each other apart just to mask our own insecurities. Regardless I love my hair and I refuse to let negative comments stop me from wearing my hair however I want to. Its my way of expression hate it or love it, it's here to stay.

  • Musiclova says:

    People who make negative comments about someone's hair and how they choose to wear it be it natural, relaxed, pressed whatever clearly need to get a life and put their energy towards something useful for themselves and stop investing so much thought and concern about someone else and how they look and what they are doing…I have a 3c-4a mix(normally don't like to type but just giving you an idea of my hair texture) and when I straighten or wear it natural I get tons of compliments and I used to feel good about it when I was relaxed and people came up to me and complimented all of the time but I am beginning to see people in a whole other aspect now…It's no mystery that the majority of people in society have truly been brainwashed into believing these false and limited standards of beauty and it is a shame. To put it bluntly, in our society for the most part the closer you look to being non-black and the straighter or looser your hair texture the better as far as looks are concerned and many black people don't want to admit it period…I now loathe compliments when I wear my hair straight because the same people say the same crap…"Oh I loooove your hair straight. You look soooo beautiful like this… :/ but I do have people who compliment my hair whether curly or straight and that really puts a smile on my face. One lady said to me when I wore my hair straightened "I love your hair. It looks really pretty but I love the way you usually wear it too when it's curly :)" I personally think your hair is beautiful and you can just put the haters on MUTE like I always say because they truly just don't know any better and it's a loss cause until they themselves decide not to be so narrow-minded which is their problem not yours so keep rockin' your natural hair and think nothing of stares, comments or whatever because the opinion that really matters is your own 🙂

  • Anonymous says:

    I *heart* this blog. I'm seventeen and still in highschool so I know about people being ignorarnt abou natural hair. I have a friend who I spoke to about my transition. She flipped out and made stupid comments. My mom is totally against it she keep say my hair will be 'too hard to comb" I told her that would be my problem than. I was very offended but this hasn't stopped me. Every time I see some one with thin relaxed hair it renews my hope. This natural stuff has made even consider dermatology.

  • Namun says:

    Yes, I have gotten negative comments and the "looks" and I just let it slide right off. I'm sure I will get even more negative comments from my family; most of my aunts relax. They haven't seen my hair yet. My dad, of course had a negative comment for me and I responded with "Really? You don't like my hair? That's funny cause it looks just like yours dad."

    I refuse to feed into people's negativity. I'm enjoying playing with my curls and my products too much to let people's negative comments bother me. I liked my hair when it was straight, but I love it even more now that it's curly and short. I wear it with pride and with a smile and can't wait until it's longer so I can do more styles.

    Keep your chin up Coren. Your hair is awesome, healthy and versatile. Don't let the negative comments bother you.

  • Anonymous says:

    Can you give us information on the procedure you used to get your hair in the style on the picture? I really like your hair.

  • Anonymous says:

    I am transitioning currently and am 1 of only 2 black females in my department (there are only 3 of us blacks total). I've been doing a lot of braid outs and got lots of compliments in the beginning, but it seems to be more of a fascination that anything else. Since I live in a predominately white state, I have to admit I'm slighly apprehensive about how I will be treated once I BC. Part of me feels my supervisor has already been giving me the side eye for my more "ethnic" look since I used to do the relaxer and flat iron all the time. I feel the more confident you are, the less it will matter what others think. There will always be someone who disapproves, and doing you is all you can do sometimes. Much love and strength to you all!!

  • Kevina says:

    One time I straightened my hair a customer at my job said to me" omg your hair looks so nice. U should wear it like this more often. bcuz usually your hair looks like…you know!" I was like is she serious right now. lol I'm currently wearing my hair blown out & pretty much everyone keeps asking me if it's a weave. A family member actually pulled my hair to check. WHY R PEOPLE SO IGNORANT about natural hair!

  • Terra D says:

    I agree with NikNak. I recently had an interview and twisted my hair, My aunt goes, "you're wearing your hair like that to the interview…I think you should straighten it"
    I have definitely had the "your hair is so long when it's straight; it's so short when it's natural".
    People are idiots and they do not understand how their comments affect people. This is why I love this blog. We need support! Keep your head up girly, We've got your back!

  • M says:

    Wow… I literally sat here and read through all these posts, and felt the need to comment. I DEFINITELY went through the same thing when I first BCed this March. I work with kids and I actually had a parent ask me why I cut my hair off and that I needed to get a perm. Needless to say, she's a pretty ignorant human being (y'all don't know the half of it lol), but the fact of the matter is that, I didn't expect that so many people would feel the need to comment on why I cut MY hair off. It belongs to me. I can do what I like with it.

    I have had kids tell me (not meaning any harm, of course) that I need to get a relaxer or a texturizer, and my own mother has the tendency to call my hair "nappy" and make little jokes about my texture sometimes. It's gotten better I think because she's starting to see how fast my hair is growing and how fly it looks in its natural state! I have also had to realize that although it's not right for someone to shove their ignorant opinions about my hair on me, they just are the product of a different mindset. Although I would have never made some of the esteem-damaging commentary that I have heard from others, I have to keep in mind that a few years ago, I was in a different mindset, and had no ideas or intentions of going natural.

    So when people say negative things, you just have to remember that they aren't riding on the same plane you are 🙂 Your hair, by the way, is beautiful 🙂 I love it. I can't wait until mine grows to the length where I can put it in a ponytail!

  • NikNak says:

    I have 3b/c hair, and I get the same treatment. People will be like "I love your curls" until I switch it up and blow it out, then it's "Why don't you wear a relaxer, you have good hair for it" :rolleyes:

    I am interviewing right now, and whenever I don't get a job, my mother immediately says "Maybe it's the hair, maybe you should trying wearing it straight to interviews" to really get on my nerves.

  • M.J. says:

    I looove your hair natural. It's so beautiful! But, I think every natural has been through that. Just ignore it…

  • BLACKkittenROAR says:

    Your hair is absolutely beautiful. Although it looks nice straightened out, when I initially looked at the pictures (before I had read the post) I thought to myself, what beautiful hair, why would she straighten it out? I have 4b highly textured hair myself, and I remember when I first BCed a few months back wishing that my hair was something other than what it was. It wasn't until I found so many great sites that embraced natural hair of all textures (CurlyNikki being phenomenal of course) that I realized just how fantastic highly textured natural hair is. I honestly wouldn't trade my hair for anything, despite the ignorant comments people insist on making (I snapped on a coworker who felt the need to harass me about my hair, calling it nappy and repeatedly demanding that I comb my hair).

  • LaToya says:

    i unfortunately went thru the same thing recently. i've only straightened my hair ONCE in the 5.5 years i've been natural, and i knew some people were going to comment, but i had no idea how irritating it would actually be.

  • Anonymous says:

    I am in the process of transitioning back to my natural hair. I was natural 10yrs ago for about 2yrs. I was the only women in my circle with natural hair. There was one women who had a texturizer. Her hair was long and hanged down. I am in the process of transitioning back to my natural hair. I was natural 10yrs ago for about 2yrs. I was the only women in my circle with natural hair. There was one woman who had a texturizer. Her hair was long and hanged down. I felt ignored, even thought I didn't get any negative comments. I decided to put a texturizer in my hair and mess it up, so I decided to go all the way and put a perm in it. As soon as my circle saw my hair it was as if I was invisible and then became visible. I am ready to go back to my natural hair and love it!

  • Anonymous says:

    wow!! Great post! I didn't tell anyone I was going to chop it all off except my hubby who encouraged me to do it. But, I think he thought I was going to keep getting it relaxed!!! My hair has always been long and I kept it done but I can't lie – natural is better on the pocket book (when I am not in product junkie mode LOL!). We are planning to have another baby next year and I am going to benefit from having a more manageable routine. I love just being able to wash and go and not fuss with it for the rest of the day or worry about wind and rain.

    My sisters have been natural on and off for years and basically asked what took me so long. I have mostly 3c corkscrews all over so I love it and can't keep my hands out of it!! My mom has been the most critical as others have said. I think moms just think they can say whatever and it not affect us. Which is also why I'm natural, so my daughter will be encouraged to stay that way – if she chooses. I have nothing against relaxed hair and loved it when I had it that way – but this suits my lifestyle now. I do twists, bantu knots and all kinds of ponytails on my daughter's hair and reinforce it by telling her how beautiful it looks and she loves it. I also let her comb and play in mine (when my scalp can take the torture). She is 3 and loves to get her hair done. I want her to be confident and make her own choices about her hair. I never complain about doing it and we have our Wednesday and Saturday night routines.

    My hubby doesn't mind it as long as I don't let it get too big – I will keep working on him so I know he will come around. Other people compliment my hair to him (including his barber) so that helps him to be more accepting of it. He likes my curls. My other family members like it but I never asked for any opinions. My natural friends often ask what I do for mine and my daughter's hair and they simply aren't educated or willing to experiment. It takes time and committment to find out what works for you. I am figuring out what works for my daughter and I and we love trying new things.

    I am a middle school teacher and have not had ANY negative comments. I am one of three black teachers in my school and my co workers have actually been the most complimentary, some even saying the wished their hair was curly like mine or that they could have a simplified routine. I BCed in June and still get compliments at work.

    I think all experiences are different. I now notice my natural sisters when I am out and about and we kind of share a secret smile. It is neat. Hang in there and do it for you!! I am and twists and braids outs are next now that my TWA is growing out!! Be Blessed – Corygentri

  • Ayomide says:

    I too have gotten the type of comments from others that seem insensitive. I have come to realize that they aren't really saying them to hurt me, they are only voicing their opinion. The straight style is like a new hairdo and I believe others see it as that because I don't straighten my hair often. It took my awhile to feel like this because it did bother me at first. I am now okay with any comments.

    I love my hair straight and twisted so when someone says"I like your hair like this" ( straight) I say "thanks I like my hair like this also but I like it twisted more", and I keep on going on cause at the end of the day it is me that needs to be happy!

  • NIAELAN says:

    When I was transitioning, my sister constantly asked me when I was getting my next relaxer…. She would also constantly ask me what I was going to "do" with my natural hair. I would often quote Ray Charles and respond : "Imma let it do what it do" This was an attempt to infuse humor into what could have become a tense conversation.

    Relatives have also commented that my hair was fine for the weekend but that it wasn't "professional" enough for the corporate environment. I responded that "I" was the professional, not my hair.

    The bottom line is this: Our hair, whatever the texture, is what God gave us. Embrace and Explore the journey!!!!!!

  • hesfaithful says:

    Like many of those posted, the most cutting remarks have come from my inner circle – parents and family friends.

    As harsh as it may sound, put those folks who share contrary opinions about your natural state on mute and keep it moving. It's your hair, your life, your choice of how to feel about it. Keep it positive!

  • Franki says:

    I'm dealing with a similar thing now. I got my hair pressed for Halloween (had to have that Lt. Uhura ponytail) and left it straight for the week after because I just didn't need to wash it right way. I have gotten so many comments on "Oh girl, your hair looks so pretty like this!" and "Why don't you wear it straight more often!" It's making me think about keeping my hair straight for the winter, because I have kind of missed my straight hair.

    And then a funny thing happened. I was wearing my (straight) hair half-up at the office, and my white, male boss walked in. He looked at me and said "You look like you've had a rough day." When my hair is straight, it's too sleek to stay in a ponytail, so all the hair on my edges was falling out and frizzing all over the place. It's actually easier for me to look put-together when my hair is curly/twisted/twisted out/in bantu knots. Having my boss notice my halo frizz was definitely a food-for-thought moment.

  • Anonymous says:

    I hear ya, Maria. It's not just the 4s who get the insensitive comments. I have mostly 3c curls and my grandmother always makes it obvious she prefers my hair straightened. I'm talking pressed or flat-ironed, then curled with a curling iron. (Nevermind that my hair looks flat and thin as paper that way.) I get that disapproving look from her when I do braid-outs or wash-n-gos etc. I love my braid-ous and wash-n-gos. At last I have the fullness I've always craved! But it still hurts a little that Granny doesn't approve. But I rock what I want.

  • Shell says:

    People always get flack when they want to be individuals and not be part of the herd. Just know you are being true to yourself. If someone says something to you, put them in their place. Tell them it's my hair and I love it. If they don't get it, then walk away. It's okay to be hurt by comments. Don't allow it to seep into your brain and hair.

  • Anonymous says:

    I understand how you feel.. I recently got my hair straightnen for a trim and I recieve some of those same "compliments" I simply reply with a nice nasty laugh "don't get used to it.. I enjoy the naps..

  • Anonymous says:

    I guess these insults dressed as compliments are common to quite a few of us naturally curlies. Unfortunately, I fell for the okey doke and kept straightening my very fine, easily damaged 3C curls after I grew out the relaxer. BIG MISTAKE!! Now, I'm stuck with the choice of having to do constant search and destroys to cut away the heat damage or do a BC. It's a constant struggle I deal with: caring so much about what other people think. Too bad that it's taken me until age 27 to really start caring more about what I think of me and my hair and everything else. Better late than never, though…right?

  • Kris says:

    I have two very extreme hair types on my head. 3B very curly,loose, corkscrews and 4B wirey, no shaped blah. I have learned to embrace both of these textures and the comments about them. I feel sorry for certain people that feel that beauty is based on how curly or straight a person's hair is. Ignorance is alive…I mean think about it skin whiting creams, colored contacts, relaxers. Nappy hair commands attention. I work for a fortune 500 company and I have no shame showing up for events with a head full of curly naps all over the place. I know my hair is an attention grabber and I make no apologies for it. Shame on the women who aren't comfortable in their own skin and feel that they have to give in to the pressure of society's image of beauty. Society's expectations are unrealistic…We aren't all born blonde, white, blue-eyed with straight hair THANK GOD!!!

  • Anonymous says:

    This is probably why I only told my mother (who is natural) and a good friend (also natural) of my decision before I did the BC. I come from a family of women who always obsessed over my long, thick hair so I knew from the jump they wouldn't understand why I'd want to cut it or not relax. It's funny how surprised people were when I cut it. On facebook so many people made the simple comment like "you cut your hair" as if I didn't already know. When I made the decision to no longer relax my hair and cut it from arm pit length to a short bob I felt so empowered because I've always had long hair. I say all this to say that the only person that it mattered my reasons was myself. I was completely fine with my decision and for everyone else…they shouldn't be invested in my hair anyway!

  • Anonymous says:

    I was dating two guys, one is twice my age and the other 1 week older than I…The first guy…loves my natural hair and enjoys itwhen i have it out as oppossed to braids…dude number two is always at the beauty store catching himself buying weave for in his words " i decide to stop looking like a slave" he loves my hair blowed, straightned and will even take braids just to not deal with my fro… long story short…twice my age and I are official and 1week older is official dumped!

  • Anonymous says:

    Im a newbie naptrual and in the beginning when I finally chose to tell everyone that I was going natural, a lot of them questioned me why. The only reason I had was that I love big hair and that I wanted something new. But now that I am 100% natural most people are loving it, but there are still some who are still questioning me, and sometimes look at me strange when I walk by, to those I say " You wish you were this confident,huh?" and keep walking. I had to learn that my hair does not define me, but I define my hair.

  • Anonymous says:

    This is what I noticed about me, the more I wore my hair in its natural state the more comfortable and confident I felt about my hair. In the beginning of my natural journey, I not only had to educate myself, but my hubby and other loved ones alike. My journey was not easy, I straightened, wore wigs and weaves until I felt ready to wear my natural hair. I have noticed that no matter what I do, there will always be someone that doesn't approve. I can't live for others; I can only live for me! Now, I am very comfortable and confident as I wear my hair in its natural state. I don't think about what others are thinking or wondering about my hair. I hope that we remember that we can’t change others, we can only change ourselves (thinking, feelings & actions). We can be a catalyst for change, but it begins within. Here is my quote that I live by:
    When we value ourselves, we also allow others to value us – © d.a.r 2009

  • Anonymous says:

    Am I wrong for not liking my highly textured kinky 4b hair. I wish my hair had body and movement. I know I should be embracing my hair and loving it bc God created it and all textures are beautiful, but I just don't….

  • Maria says:

    My hair is 3b/3c and I also get these types of comments, so don't think its just 4b hair. I've learned to shake it off and just ignore people. When I wear my hair somewhat straight (I never make it bone straight) I get so much attention. Now I am one to change my hairstyle almost every day so people just expect me to wear it straight one day, curly the next. When I get the "ooh I love it like that, you should wear it more often straight" I say to them it took me hours to do this so umm I don't think so unless you wanna come over my house and do it for me.

    Sheabuttanaps – don't let them call you names no matter how cute or funny they might seem now. At some point they're gonna say something ignorant and its going to be harder to make them stop.

  • modest-goddess says:

    I've avoided straightening my hair for this very reason. It has been blown out once so that it could be trimmed but the stylist sprayed it down afterward and I walked out of there is a fro.

  • Lorrett says:

    I haven't had many compliments of my hair since I went natural a couple of months ago. My mother wanted to see it so I sent her pictures ( we live 3 hours away from each other). She decides to call me the next day to tell me that my father said he didn't like it as if I asked his or even her opinion of it or for their acceptance. I simply told her I could care less of what they thought of it. I was hurt and offended which was why I don't ask anyone for their opinions. I went home and all I got was stares from both of them. When I left we hugged and she did something she never does. She grabbed my head to hug me. WTF! I wanted to slap her but she's my mother. It was kinda funny how they don't know how to just ask if they can touch it. While there (my home town) I went over to my cousins' house and of course I got stares. Later that day I got my 2nd compliment from them. They said that they weren't sure if they'd like it (yes, mom had already given them a heads up on it) but said that it looks really good on me. I think that was a compliment. ?

  • Anonymous says:

    I work at an african american owned company. I have been there for 3 years and I am amazed everytime someone says something about my hair! I recently got a sew in because the winters here can be brutal. The first day someone asked "So the afro isn't coming back right?!" and another person said "Oh, you got halloween hair"!!! Then the next day the latter person said "Oh your hair is still neat!". None the less, I have been looking for another place of employment. It's astounding that African Americans can only see professional hair as permed hair. I'm glad that I'm strong enough to like my hair regardless of who doesn't. But it bothers me that my hair has become an issue. It doesn't affect the job I've done for three years so I don't understand why it's such a big deal. I can't contol what other people do or how they feel about things. I can control who I choose to surround myself with and my comfortability. So that's what I'm working on.

  • BindyMac08 says:

    Whenever I wear my hair in twists, I get more compliments. While I appreciate the compliment, it kind of hurt because whenever I just wash and go, no compliments. It makes me feel like I need to hide my fro in order to have good, pretty hair.

    But I love wearing my hair out big, so that's what I'm going to do. I'm just going to ignore the looks I get and love my hair.

  • Anonymous says:

    girl wear your hair the way you want to! If you like it thats all that matters. Some people are just ignorant and you just have to move on. I get comments like that from time to time but when i look in the mirror at my hair, its beautiful so i dont believe the lie.

  • Tuttie says:

    I am so glad this was posted! I am going through this at the exact moment and I love my hair even though it's in the weird stage of transitioning out of a texturizer that I was talked into getting after my big chop! >.<

    That's what I love about natural hair is that you can wear in so many different styles. Your hair looks beautiful both straight and curly.

    I wish people will realize especially my white co-workers that that's the beauty of having natural hair. I defintely get offended when I am told that my relax hair was better. How would you know? Or you'll go back to getting a relaxer when you have to start looking for a real job? Excuse me! I just hate having to talk about my hair with my white co-worker.
    Or when I decided to get two-strands (kinky) twist my boss didn't know what to "make of" my hair. Alright then. lol.

    Then, like someone else said my mother is also the worst of them all! She is main reason I am having the hardest time transitioning, but of course I cannot tell her that. lol

  • Anonymous says:

    I think a lot of it has to do with confidence. I havent gotten any negative remarks about my hair. (at least to my face). And thats probably because I wear my hair confidently as if its the best thing in the world.

  • T says:

    I know exactly how you feel, my mother is the biggest hater of them all! Actually hater of herself, because that is really what it boils down to, peoples' own insecurities about themselves. People take their own limitations and put them on others. My mother told me that she wants me to straighten my hair when my boyfriend and I get married, now mind you we are not even engaged so i don't even know why she brought this up. She always makes a point to show people pictures of my hair when it was relaxed, stating "she used to have such long beautiful hair". I love my mother, but I have come to realize that she wants long relaxed hair and therefore tries to push that belief on me. But at the end of the day I realize that is her issue not mine. I have natural, kinky, coily, puffy, nappy, sometimes crazy hair and I love it! Keep the faith and don't let anybody elses insecurities and baggage put you down :- )

  • BekkaPoo says:

    Have I felt pressure at times to wear or keep my hair straight? Sure. Do I go around pleasing everyone else first and myself last? No. If other people like my hair in a certain style that's great.. if not, oh well, too bad so sad. I've got enough to worry about than what other people are thinking about my hair, especially if it's negative with nothing constructive to add. And Coren, having said that other peoples' opinions don't really matter much, for what it's worth I love your hair natural over straight! 🙂

  • Anonymous says:

    FIrst I want to say that your hair is absolutely beautiful in the photo with it in a curly updo. To answer your question I have encountered similar comments that were negative in nature. Ive been natural for 2 years now and before I had long hair past my shoulders. It's actually the same length, however it's curled tightly and I just don't have the desire to straighten it. Anyway I frequently wear braidouts and I love my natural curly, kinky, looking braidouts. When my sister saw my hair (she lives in another city) in a braid out she commented in a non agreeable tone – and said "How do you comb that?". I said there's no need to. I braid it at night and when I take it down it looks like this. I don't have to run from the rain, and I just love it. Then I stretched it out and said see how long it's grown without the chemicals and heat. She was in awe. When people give me a negative, I add my positives and how much I love my hair to it. At the end of the day us naturals have to be happy and that's all that matters.

  • DivaDr175 says:

    I got more backhanded compliments when I cut my straight, relaxed hair from my mid back length to a shoulder length bob than I have since my BC in September. People will always voice their opinions, based on their perceptions. I feel it's my calling to rise above the need to respond and extend grace towards those who can not fully embrace the beauty of diversity. Keep rockin' your 'fro but don't be afraid to rock your length when you want to.

  • Pamela says:

    I'm not surprised to hear this (because it's happened to me), but I find it upsetting. I went natural 5 years ago and because of those types of comments, I relaxed my hair just 6 months later. When I decided to relax my hair, it was because I was feeling pressured from everyone around me, especially my family. I live in the same town as many of my aunts, uncles and cousins and only one of them would give me real compliments. The others would always tell me that I would never find a good partner with kinky hair, or would say, "oh that's nice," or would just flaunt their hair whenever I was around (to make me jealous?).

    Now, 4 years later, after discussing it with my husband, I've decided to go natural again. It's a bit easier now for several reasons.

    The first is that many of the women in my husband's family have never relaxed their hair, they've always worn their hair in it's natural state. I have great company now. So I do believe that support is extremely important.

    However, the second, more important reason, is that I am so much more self-confident today than I was 4-5 years ago. I've spent the past 2-3 years, I believe, digging deep inside, trying to figure out who I am, and learning to love me for me.

    I feel as though this is so important, not just for women with natural hair, but all women. We have to love ourselves before we expect others to love us.

    I know that this sounds like the stuff of "After-school specials" (LOL I don't think those exist anymore LOL), but I truly believe it.

    I love me for me, and I think that when people see me, yes, they do see my kinky hair (and they all think I'm trying to make a statement LOL), but before they see the hair, I make sure they see my confidence.

  • Anonymous says:

    I have 4B hair & I think that it's Lovely. I have always been natural, I have never relaxed my hair and I have always liked the way I look in the mirror. There have always been good days. People will always talk. And 'No-compliments'(when someone appears to be complimenting you but are really trying to put you down.) will always come. I am Happy with who I am & my choice.

    So I am going to say this, please take it with all the love that I'm saying it with. Stop giving your power away. Focus on you & what you want. Do you like your hair in its natural state, if the answer is yes, then do You, that's all that matters *BIG SMILES*

  • Fola says:

    I have had a few negative comments about my hair and recently wrote a blogpost about it after my mum made a negative comment which really affected me (I know she didn't intentionally want to hurt me, but it did).
    You do have to have a sense of conviction about why you want to stay natural for peoples comments to not have an affect on you. But that aside people do need to respect the decisions others make about their hair.

  • Anonymous says:

    Hmm, I'm sorry to hear that you experienced these back-handed compliments. I thought long and hard about what I would say in response. I think I'd tell them, yes, thank you it's lovely this way but I also love the freedom I have to wear it in many different ways! When it's healthy you can do that!

  • Unknown says:

    I have been natural for almost five years and I love my natural hair. In the beginning, I was met with quite a bit of resistance, but lately I have noticed a lot more acceptance toward being a natural diva. I am very sorry for your experience and over the course of the last years, I have experienced my fair share of ignorant comments. I have learned to accept these opinions with grace and go along on my merry way, always wondering what makes some so resistant to change. The most hurtful thing to me is that we are living in 2009 and we are still being made to beleive there is something unattractive or undesirable about being a member of the African American race. It is a shame!

  • Anonymous says:

    I know exactly what you're talking about. I've been natural for three years and at first I used to be very self conscious about the way I look with my hair in its natural state so I continued to get it pressed until I found a fabulous natural hair stylist. Out of curiosity I pressed it out a few wks ago after 2 1/2 years & I received the same comments of "you should keep it like that, its more professional" I even had someone in my office building say "oh your hair looks so much better like this then when its all over the place"..huh? Needless to say, if this were 3 years ago, I'd probably revert back, but I can honestly say I LOVE my natural hair, Im beautiful, its beautiful & after this experimental press out, Im ok. The straight hair was rather boring.

  • Unknown says:

    I have been natural for almost five years and I love my natural hair. In the beginning, I was met with quite a bit of resistance, but lately I have noticed a lot more acceptance toward being a natural diva. I am very sorry for your experience and over the course of the last years, I have experienced my fair share of ignorant comments. I have learned to accept these opinions with grace and go along on my merry way, always wondering what makes some so resistant to change. The most hurtful thing to me is that we are living in 2009 and we are still being made to beleive there is something unattractive or undesirable about being a member of the African American race. It is a shame!

  • Anonymous says:

    Yep, I have had some of the very same experiences and unfortunately from the closest possible source, that of my husband! It has been very,very difficult for me to stay "par for the course" as u can imagine to not be accepted for who u "naturally are" by the single most important person to you really hurts but, THANKS TO CURLY NIKKI and blogs like her's have been a literal LIFE/HAIR saver. Melinda. I cannot post my name the usual way b/c I don't know how.

  • Anonymous says:

    Wow…I really hate to hear the negative comments. I, too, am on my journey to natural and I had family members ask me "Well, what are you going to do with your hair?" Obviously, wear it proudly!! I applaud your pride and courage to wear your God-given hair!! Shake the haters off:)

  • LBell says:

    I too have, as you describe it, 4b highly textured kinky hair — as I describe it, the very texture so many black folks are scared of INCLUDING some of those who are thinking about going natural. Add to that the fact that my shrinkage is extreme so when I do straighten, people are literally STUNNED by the length.

    I have not worn straightened natural hair in 6 years. Besides the fact that I think straight hanging hair is boring and commonplace, I no longer have the patience and politeness to deal with ignorant comments and am liable to go off on someone who's least expecting it. I guess I've become somewhat radicalized in my stance: I refuse to give people any opportunity to imply that this hair type is difficult in its natural state.

  • Anonymous says:

    i know how u feel, i've been there before. its tough to have confidence in my hair, skin, self when certain people keep putting me down. im workin on what to do to get my confidence up

  • Knatural says:

    I used to get the same negative comments. It mostly came from my mother. She eventually stopped when I told her that I didn't care what she thought or anyone else for that matter. My hair is an extension of my personality and I plan to keep it that way. Don't listen to what other people think! You know who you are!

  • sewdope says:

    i get the same when i wear my hair in braids. i also have 4b/c hair (aka bad hair) so people are always over-complimenting me when i get braids or wear a weave or straighten my hair. it's ridiculous. everyone is amazed at how much my hair has grown and how thick it is but they still can't accept that my hair isn't bad. it's really sad. i fed into that same misconception that i couldn't wear my hair natural because it's nappy. my hair is thriving now that it's natural. i'm not breaking combs or suffering from breakage or split ends. all hair is good if it's healthy.

  • Anonymous says:

    I used to get that in the military. Being natural in Iraq was not pleasant sometimes. Soldiers from other units thought with my hair being so big and looking unkempt that I was violating some uniform code. I find it funny that the unit I was in was the most supportive of my hair considering I was the only black female in the unit. When ever they would get calls from other people from other units saying that I looked "out of uniform" with my hair, my First Sergeant would snap back at them, that if they knew someone on base in Iraq to help take care of natural black hair then give a referral. If not shut up, we are in a war zone and the last thing they need to be complaining about is my hair, especially if they don't know what it's like to take care of it.

  • beautiful me says:

    While I was transitioning I straightened my hair sometimes and it was cut into a nice bob style. When I would go to work, all of my mexican and white co workers would say "I like your hair like this", "you should wear it straight more often". This mexican woman was trying to teach me how easy it is to blow dry and flat iron my hair everyday! LOL um it dont work like that shorty! When I big chopped(two weeks ago! woo woo!), My boss called me Erykah Badu!! lol We laughed at that but I also got, Jennifer Hudson when she was in Dreamgirls, Black Power, Puff Puff, and all kinds of random comments that I never expected. I honestly thought I would get more positive comments. But Im doing good, Im not goin back. It fits me more this way!

  • Cygnet says:

    At the end of the day, it's your hair, and your reasons for wearing it one way or another are your own. Not everyone is capable of respecting that, and that's too bad, but that's people for you. As long as you have confidence in what you are doing and why, and you know that you are neatly groomed by whatever means–because I have seen some relaxed sisters' hair looking as though they didn't know what else to do after they relaxed it, so they just swooshed it back into a pony that sticks straight out behind them, among other things–then I say as others frequently say, "Do you." It's your hair, you have to live with it, so you are the one who most needs to be pleased with it.

  • Anonymous says:

    i've had the same experience. i now avoid straightening my hair for this reason.

    "oh, now THIS looks nice"

  • Anonymous says:

    I don't know where people get off voicing there negative opinions dressed as compliments. People have always done that to me, but i don't care i have a PLAN and i'm sticking with it. Although, i like straight hair it's just not for me anymore, I find it down right boring on me.
    check me out on fotki

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