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Curly Nikki

Natural Hair and Confidence

By January 27th, 202124 Comments

Naterra writes:

Natural Hair and Confidence
A friend and I were discussing how much more confident I am, now that I wear my hair natural. We couldn’t quite put our fingers on one particular reason, but came up with three:

1) Natural girls stand out. Whether we want to or not, so we are forced to keep our heads held high! Because we stand out, we have to be able to stomach the negativity of others that are unable to make the leap.
2) Natural girls are comfortable in their own skin. I always considered myself confident, but freaked when I first went natural. Why?, you may say….because I was pretending to love me!
3) Natural girls are fierce and we know it. Many have stated that natural hair is like a cool accessory. It makes us dress, think and act differently and it works!

Can you think of any reasons why Curlies are more confident?


  • Eve says:

    i LOVE these comments, especially the one by poeticlyspkng "…we stand out, because we stand up…"

    i agree that confidence comes with knowing you didn't have to "do" anything to look a certain way. Whether hair, skin… IT AINT TRICKIN IF YA GOT IT! *shakes fro*

  • Anonymous says:

    For me, being natural is not only having natural hair, it's about having natural skin.. ie. no make-up. It's like "what you see is what you get." I'm real. Beautiful skin and beautiful hair goes great with a beautiful personality.

  • Candace says:

    I believe that women who transition to natural are more confident because they are forced to look past their exterior and through to their interior. You learn to love you who are no matter what you look like during the process of your transitioning because you have no other choice. Either you love who you are or you don't, it forces you to be realistic with all of who you are & your expectations.

  • msjaim says:

    its good that the sister discovered her authentic & true self confidence while wearing her hair natural, but I think its a far stretch to say most natural women generally feel this way. I went natural in Nov 1997 & could have cared less about anyone's compliments or complaints about what I "was doing" to my hair.Ive seen in real life & on countless hair boards & forums how u have women who are newly natural & some who have been natural for years, who have not fully accepted what grows out of their scalps naturally or themselves as a whole. every chick who wears her hair natural is not more enlightened or this bubbling ball of self acceptance-just because shes natural. I know many relaxed sisters who are just as genuinely confident as the young lady featured in this article.I believe self confidence is something that is typically gauged on the persons whole self, not one thing you may consider to be an attribute, whether its a fat ass, breasts or a big afro- that one thing should not define you or make you feel you're better or have one up on anyone else. With natural hair you still have a vast majority who still have "texture" & length issues that have damage self esteem. You have other naturals who are not comfortable or who didnt/dont become comfortable until they start(ed) to received compliments from ppl, which in my opinion , is as damaging as those ladies who still relax, to conform to "societies standard of beauty". For me, im most confident when Im in good physical shape & reached personal goals Ive set for myself. yes , I actually do really love my naps (no loose curls here),but thats not the root of where my confidence comes from. Im generally comfortable in my own skin & know that true self confidence is not gained by comparing myself to others or other groups ( "permies"- i loathe that term) or putting other ppl down for their choices because they dont perfectly align with mine, but it comes from within & my true perception of self W/ out allowing anyones elses opinion to have any bearings on it. i have so many other things that ive over come & accomplished in addition wearing my hair natural.

  • Anonymous says:

    For me it took Confidence to wear my hair natural because it was short or looked shorter and I for one think I do not look that good in shorter hair. However, I found a style that I could rock (small twists which I then roll up with hard Goody rollers) and I could more compliments then I thought I would. Others look like they too wish they had the courage and confidence to wear their natural hair. Now, I love it. Love the freedome, love the fact that I am now representing what it means to be a proud and true black woman.


  • Anonymous says:

    My heritage is Native American and black.I had to contend with not embracing beautiful black features, but Native features with black hair. It was incongruous and often my choices for hairstyles did me no justice. For years, I wore it ultra-short because attempting to style it, was in essence styling around my features.

    Growing up in an all black community, was no picnic and my self-esteem really suffered. There was no place for someone like me and I was always trying to fit in and compensate.

    Nonetheless, growing my hair out long and going natural was scary because for the first time, I saw what God meant for me to look like. However, the more I wore it, the more I felt like, "hey this is me" take it or leave it.

  • D_luv says:

    The difference is not so much between permies and naturals as it is between self-awareness and non self-awareness. It's about projection and locus of control. I would argue that many permies aren't self aware in the way that women who have broken from perms and gone natural. Just as I would argue that going natural means taking control of your life in a way that many women are afraid to. As naturals, we then project the effect of taking control and self awareness and love outward. It expresses in every area of our lives and people can't help but sit up and take notice. It's for that very reason that there are also permies that do the same thing; it's not so much the hair as the emotions and everything that goes with it.

  • LBell says:

    When I first went natural I noticed how strangers, esp. black folks, esp. black WOMEN, would look at me in shock and horror. I'm a dark-skinned woman and my hair is certifiably kinky…it's been 14 years and I have yet to hear that my "good" hair "allows" me to be natural.

    But by going natural, my hair routine went from hellish to heavenly…I'm not kidding! And my short kinky hair felt FAR better and broke a LOT less than my relaxed hair. I found myself asking myself: "How can something that feels this good be bad?"

    It didn't take too long after that to realize that everything I'd been taught about my hair was a LIE and that, at the worst, I'd been led to believe that I couldn't be beautiful the way I am. The truth will set you free…and in my case at least, with that freedom came confidence!

  • Anonymous says:

    I agree with you about pretending to love me. Now I am learning to really love and accept me. When I look in the mirror I really like what I see. Its an awesome feeling.

  • Anonymous says:

    I am more confident because I am not afraid that my hair is going to frizz at the roots due to my sweating or because it's humid. When my hair was pressed I would be paranoid looking in every mirror or looking for my reflection in any store window thinking lord am I sweating my hair out!?. Now my energy is spent on thinking about things other than what my hair looks like so I give off an air of confidence.

  • Terra D says:

    I wrote this FFT because a lot of us are not aware of how amazing we are. Our hair should not define us, but in most cases it does, in such a way that we panic and freak when we must part with it. In going natural, I realized that I was afraid of what I would "look like". You know the infamous "Girl, you look great with natural hair, but I don't have the face for it!" I was that person. When I went natural I quickly realized that I had to love me for me, not my hair! Now I rock my natural hair to the fullest and if it's straight, I rock that like it's the best blow out in the room!

  • Anonymous says:

    Great topic! My nappturals friends and I were talking about this last week and we all agreed that natural hair was like a "BS filter" lol… in other words, it attracts only those who reflect the same amount of respect and confidence that we feel for our Self.

    – by

  • Anonymous says:

    I have to agree with the other sister that said we accept ourselves. There is a huge difference between those of us who have put in over a year and are standing firm on this vs those who are still unsure and wavering. Once we ALL cross over to the firm decision of this is what we're going to do we come to a place of seeing the beauty in how we were created. We accept all that we are and all that we were given when we were fitly knitted in our mother's wombs…we are fearfully and wonderfully made. Created by an awesome and wise God who makes no mistakes…we are a work of art to be cherished. There is no room for anything less than confidence…SisterBoyd

  • lisa says:

    I love the love. People who compliment me on my natural hair are so genuine. When I was permed I had a great stylist who would give me the fiercest cuts so I would get lots of compliments which was wonderful but I think those compliments were more about Tang's artistry.

    Now, when people compliment my hair I know it is because they truly appreciate the afro. I wonder if rocking your natural hair encourages people to act more naturally around you? Could it be that showing your comfortable as you are makes people feel more comfortable being around you? Food for thought. Not knocking any of the permed, flat ironed, or weaved ladies, variety is the spice of life and doesn't make you any less fabulous or authentic 😉

  • Poundcake921 says:

    I agree with the whole standing out part from other ladies who have weaves, perms, and etc. I went to a party last nite at a hair salon (go figure) and when I walked in the room almost stopped (literally) and im not trying to toot my own horn either…I definitely stood out in the crowd with my newly BC's TWA…it was scary and empowering at the same time…at first I felt self-concious but as the night wore on I felt more confident and just ran with it!

  • Anonymous says:

    For me going natural is a part of accepting myself the way God made me. I have fell in love with the way my hair looks and feels. I used to do my hair certain ways because it made OTHER PEOPLE happy/confortable, but now I do it how I want because it make ME happy. I think that's where the confidence comes from. Then I get an extra boost when people say how nice it is.

  • Anonymous says:

    Natural women are highly creative! everything from an Afro to twist-outs, Beaded hair clips or bands to Feathers. Natural ladies are ever evolving with creative ways to show their style!

  • Anonymous says:

    I've been natural for close to six years, but I feel just as confident when I flat iron my hair, as when I wear it curly. Perhaps some women feel like they are more confident because when they wear it curly they are going against the grain, and what is considered to be the norm. It's about your own level of self confidence whether curly or flat ironed, or even relaxed. Let's face it some curly naturals spend as much time getting their hair to look "right" as that flat ironed or relaxed diva. So in my opinion confidence is wrapped up in our ability to be diverse regardless of someones opinion

  • Genny says:

    I just recently decided to go natural after getting my hair cut because it was breaking badly. At first, I thought "I'll let my hair grow healthier and perm it again in a few months" but the more I am educating myself online by reading blogs and forums about natural hair care and looking at the beautiful hair of natural ladies, it motivates me even more to stay natural and not let any chemicals touch my hair ever again. Thank you for sharing your story with us. Its inspiring.

  • Claudia says:

    Definitely agree with the standing out part. Way too many girls are relaxed, have flat ironed hair, or weaves that are outrageous… but when we step into the room with our TWA or medium or big curly fro and we are rockin it to it's maximum capacity, people can't help but to notice us.

  • K.M. says:

    Not feeling the pressure to follow other people's standards of beauty in the black community almost in a way forces you to be more confident, because you have to believe that you can pull it off successfully. That's why we all decided to transition and chop off those permed ends. I'll admit that at first, I was scared and couldn't quite fully accept how short my hair was.

    But after a few months of wearing kinky twists, I saw how thick and healthy my hair looked, and at that point, I was just dying to show the world how great my hair can look without a perm! I use each day now as an opportunity to answer back to those who once said to me it didn't look good. They are the ones giving me compliments now!

  • poeticlyspkng says:

    because there are no pretenses. with curlies, it is what it is. because at the end of the day, no one is asking non-curlies how they got their hair to do that- we stand out, because we stand up, accept and embrace what comes natural. that's not always easy to do in any circumstance.

  • puff says:

    for me, it has a lot to with the literal shape of our hair. natural hair has curves, coils and curls – not to say that straight hair can't be sexy, but there's something about hair that has a little wildness to it that suggests that the person who wears their hair like that has that within them… which makes them appear all the more compelling and confident.

  • Anonymous says:

    curlies are more confident because it's usually a DECISION to go natural, whereas most have had relaxers so long that it's just second nature. If I choose to do something versus just going with the status quo, of course i'll be way more confident in that decision 🙂

    as well, it certainly stands out. I know NO one else in my circle with natural hair. I can wear it big, fro, twist outs, etc…and they marvel at how much and fast it's grown…It's healthy and thriving, of course I'm a confident mama jama 😀

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