Skip to main content
Curly Nikki

On the Couch with Angela

By January 27th, 202113 Comments
Meet Angela… a lovely natural who came to the realization that she doesn’t need or want to be validated. True diva!

On the Couch with Angela
The first time I BC’d I was headed off to college in Atlanta and my scissor-happy hairstylist mother and I compulsively chopped off my APL relaxed hair to less than an inch. Growing up with her has resulted in frequent dramatic hair cuts (flashback to the texturized Shari Belafonte ‘do she gave me at age 7), but this was the first time I wore my natural texture. When I walked on campus for orientation, the first girl I saw had the most beautiful head of hair- raven, thick, BIG, and super curly. I definitely had a major crush on her hair (shout-out Sienna!), and I dreamed of having something similar with time. To style my TWA, I would apply conditioner liberally and do single strand twists all over. EVERY. DAY. Eventually that got old and I began to wear it picked out in a fro sometimes. Either way, I had to drench my hair everyday and apply conditioner, it was the only way I knew how to deal with it. While I received compliments frequently, I didn’t get as much attention from guys as I had been used to when I was relaxed. Sadly, a year after BC’ing I caved to insecurities and relaxed again.

During a short stop in Jamaica my senior year, I had waist length Senegalese twist put in, left them in too long and my roots started to loc. I had the bright idea to comb them out using a bottle of conditioner and a fine tooth comb. Needless to say, I ended up with thin wispy NL hair that looked a lot like cotton candy! I guess you could say that was the beginning of the end. I became a slave to a mad cycle of weave reliance.

I lived in Houston for a year after graduating, and struggled regularly with blending weaves with my hair. None the less, believe me when I tell you, I EARNED the name “unbe-weave-able”! I rocked so many styles, helped along by the fact that my boyfriend’s(now husband) mother is the Queen of Weaving, and she hooked me up on the regular. It isn’t hard to figure out why there was no end in site for my addiction…

I moved to L.A. to start grad school. I didn’t know anyone, and didn’t feel like looking for a stylist to maintain the weave. I finally just removed the weave and cut off enough hair to have a somewhat “healthy” chin length bob. Although my hair was relaxed, it still had enough texture that I could wear it “natural like”. Of course I had a few stringy straight pieces in the front that I had to curl after blow drying. Ironically, “natural like” is pretty high maintenance, so wearing my hair this way was rare. At some point I over-processed my hair and all of it became stick straight, “natural like” was no longer even an option.

Eventually I became a grad school drop-out and lived aimlessly in L.A. for a little over a year. I took odd jobs here and there, one of which was a receptionist position at an upscale hair salon. This is when I had a huge “Aha” moment. One of the stylists with a large black client base would frequently blow out natural hair (type 3-4) and it would be absolutely GORGEOUS! Full of body, volume and silky straight! On top of that, his clients maintained these blow-outs throughout the week and they looked great, better than relaxed hair. Granted, I grew up in a hair salon, but all of my mothers clients wore their hair relaxed, so I had no idea this was even possible. I was mesmerized and most definitely taking notes. I immediately began transitioning and blowing out my own hair, meticulously copying everything he did.

A few months later, I took another random job as a property manager. This job required I spend hours sitting in the leasing office. I surfed the web A LOT. After a random google search one day, I fell head first into a world of natural hair blogs and forums that rendered me wondered, intrigued, and obsessive… I fantasized daily about BC’ing. However, the insecurity I felt in undergrad still lingered. The war between the desire for long flowing hair and the desire to BC raged within…

Around this time, I found out I was pregnant. This exciting HUGE life change definitely gave me the push to (again) compulsively cut off my relaxed ends. I used a pair of office scissors while at work stalking a hair blog, lol! I had about 4 inches of natural hair when I was done cutting. I had several somewhat loose pieces in the front, maybe 2b? The rest of my hair was a mix of 3c/4a so I struggled with an acceptable looking wash and go and for the most part continued to blow-out my hair.

Then I moved to Texas, got married, and had a son. For the record, Southeast Texas humidity and my straightened hair have always been bitter enemies. So I was pleasantly surprised to find that my straightened NATURAL hair faired extremely well. My biggest straightened hair problem came 4 months postpartum when my edges thinned dramatically and didn’t have enough weight or length to stay smooth and straight, and even when they did get straight, they would stick up crazily “Alfafa” style. Gradually I started wearing my hair natural more and more, and sometime at the end of 2009, I started wearing it natural exclusively. I don’t see myself straightening regularly again, maybe once or twice a year. Wearing my natural hair has introduced a new element of fun in my life. It is kind of like a mini hobby. My grandmother and two of my cousins have stopped relaxing their hair with me and I LOVE playing in their hair. It goes unsaid that every time we see each other, a styling session will be in order.

all natural blow-out

On the Couch with Angela

Growing up in a salon, I really internalized the feminine rituals of beauty. I found comfort in the automatic bonding and communion between women fostered by these rituals. On the flip side, listening to beauty shop talk and advice from my mother led me to believe that the results of these rituals was intrinsically linked to how one was perceived and treated by men, and somehow this should be validating. I’ve grown up over the years, and thankfully realized that I don’t need or want to be validated- not by my hair, not by male attention, not by other people’s approval. Accepting my hair then learning to love it has been a process and a byproduct of my spiritual journey. Sometimes I want to get all preachy to those friends and family who are not natural (specifically the 2 who have relaxer induced bald spots and disappearing edges), but then I have to remember that I have been through a lot to get where I am at, and my story is my own.

2 day old twist-out

On the Couch with Angela

13 Comments

  • HairPolitik says:

    I know you don't need the validation, but you and your hair look absolutely stunning! I totally feel you on the wanting to free family members of relaxers/unhealthy practices tip. When I think of the days when I just knew I had "bad" 4c hair that HAD to be relaxed and the folks that tried to convince me to go natural, it makes me think of all the pain I could have saved myself. At the same time, I wasn't ready. Also, those painful memories gave me the courage to never go back to that place. So, I think your choice to live a healthier lifestyle will speak volumes to people Wayyy more than you telling them to go natural. Just your presence, beauty and confidence will move ppl sometimes more than your words can. Thanks for the story.

  • Angie says:

    Thanks for all the kind comments everyone!

    @missimone the name of the salon is Warren-Tricomi and the stylist name is Eric (not sure if he is still there), a blow-out with hair-cut was around $200 at the time, the salon is located close to the Beverly Center on Melrose Ave.

  • missimone says:

    LUV your story!! i'm transitioning now and its been a grueling process for me. but i'm maintaining. thanks for sharing!

    if its not against any rules, would you mind sharing the salon & stylist to whom you were referring when you said: "One of the stylists with a large black client base would frequently blow out natural hair (type 3-4) and it would be absolutely GORGEOUS! Full of body, volume and silky straight! On top of that, his clients maintained these blow-outs throughout the week and they looked great, better than relaxed hair." THX!! 😉

  • Taniya Bragg says:

    I like your natural hair growth story.

  • Anonymous says:

    I actually think I know this Sienna you speak of lol. Small world! I really enjoyed your story! Congrats on your natural hair journey.

  • Anonymous says:

    Beautiful beautiful beautiful!!

  • Anonymous says:

    Enjoyed this story.

  • modest-goddess says:

    your story of personal growth was very inspiring

  • Anonymous says:

    This is an awesome sister! I checked out her YT channel and not only is she natural, but she is a breastfeeding mom and a mom who had an unassisted child birth. I totally applaud her 😉
    SisterBoyd

  • Alicia says:

    Beautiful woman with beautiful hair! I can't believe your relaxed your hair that young!

  • Anonymous says:

    wow! you went through alot with your hair. It always amazes me that we still have hair lol.Oh well its pretty now!

  • Anonymous says:

    first story actually interesting enough to read. It was entertaining, not boring. What is the name of her youtube channel?

  • L-Boogie says:

    You and your hair are absolutely beautiful!

Leave a Reply