By Latoya of The Quarter Life Chronicles
An important lesson I’ve learned in life is to love God, love myself… then love everyone else. Too many times we don’t love the skin we’re in and we search for solace in clothes, men (women, for you guys out there), hair, makeup, [insert your vice here].
Often, we start the journey of self-love from the outside in. That’s the premise of “What Not To Wear” on TLC. The fashion victims didn’t feel they were worthy enough, thin enough, or pretty enough for nice clothing. So they matched their self-loathing with frumpy clothes. With a catharsis of their wardrobe, and a renewal of makeup, hair, and clothing…the journey just begins.
But although the journey can start there, we have to be weary of being stuck there. Using the guise of makeup and hair, to feign self-love doesn’t fool anyone. (Cue Heidi Montag. 10 procedures, one day.)
Let’s be honest. Self-loathing is self-destructive. It is a magnet for people who will undervalue and take advantage of you. Trust me. I know. I spent my entire life being the scrawny nerd, who could clean up well every once in a while. By my freshman year in college, I finally figured out how to fix the outside. But working on the underlying layers took a lot longer. I attracted the type of guys that I mentioned before. They saw my vulnerability and like vultures they pounced on their prey.
I pass on this lesson, not because I’m bitter. I’m not. I’ve grown immensely because of my life experiences. I wouldn’t erase even the dark times, if it will get me to the point where I am today. I say this because, before you make any resolution in 2010… you need to tackle this one first. You can’t be loved the way you want to, or love the way you want to…until you love yourself.
***In the meantime, leave your Positive Affirmations below!***
This was a great post!
Dear Anonymous July 15 10:54pm,
The Lord won't send forth his little birds without providing a branch for them to rest on…
We send you much love.
I am beautiful.
I am healthy.
I am a magical, magnificent woman.
I am wise.
I have come a long way.
I love my life.
I love this article.
I must admit though that at times i find it difficult. For me self loathing comes in waves: one minute I'm superbly confident, ready to take on the world; the next I feel a bit down. I find that my loved ones, affirmations and my faith in God as being a unchanging source of love and comfort really supports me.
I am still on the other side of the bridge and trying to cross over. I know with my continue prayer and self acceptance I will reach that point of self love. I am waiting for me to cross over so God can reveal his plans for my life. Encourage me sisters and stay encouraged!
This is such a wonderful article, and you are sooo right when you said self loathing and self destruction attracts people that devalue you. I totally agree and can attest to it myself. It's amazing how we as women can give every piece of ourselves to helping and loving other people, but when it comes to giving ourselves time and attention we slight ourselves. I hope we as women, mothers, wives, sister's, daughters, and professional career women, take the time to also give love and attention to ourselves…
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
'Cause I'm a woman
I am beautiful inside and out.
I am a wonderful person.
I am royalty because i am a child of God.
I LOVE myself despite my flaws!
Latoya, thank you for this article! I needed that reminder.
I'm listing my two favorite affirmation poems by Dr. Maya Angelou.
1. Phenomenal Woman
2. Still I Rise
I had them on my fridge once upon a time – and I hope her prose blesses you they way they did me…
Excellent article Latoya! Thanks for sharing.
anonymous, I like that quote alot! I definitely live by that.
I am thankful for my sister
I am a great mother to my children
I am having a great year
My God has awesome and wonderful gifts for me
I am the best tee-tee(aunt) ever!!! LOL!! (per my niece and nephew:)
Money comes to me easily
I am embracing my natural, while beginning to love myself more…….
This quote saved me from suicide after a three month depression. I felt,compared to others, that they were more beautiful, intelligent, better put together and successful. Yet we can never compare ourselves without ultimately feeling deficient in some way. This quote is the first line in a book "Life on the Edge" by Dr. James Dobson and reminded me that I am sooooooooo unique and need never compare myself with others:
"Comparison is the basis of failure"
Your are absolutely speaking the truth, without self love, you can't love anyone or anything, I'm 37 years of age, and I'm finally getting to love myself unconditionally, and it feels fantastic, and it all started with the woman in the mirror!!!!
Thanks Nikki for the feature! Thanks for also providing curlspiration. I'm currently transitioning. Needless to say, this is my go to reasource.
Thank you for the feedback ladies. Learning to truly love myself is one of the most important life lessons I've learned to date. @KeetaRay, it feels GREAT to come out on the other side!
Love this. That was ME!! Everything you said, and I am SO happy to come out on the other side!! We must love ourselves, and everything else will fall into place. Thanks, Latoya!!
Excellent article Latoya! This is exactly what I needed to see this morning.
As far as my affirmations:
o I'm blessed with a loving husband and son.
o I love my job.
o I am successful and powerful.
-I'm strong and confident.
-I'm beautiful inside and out.
-I am abundance.
-I am loved.
-Everything is falling into place– next week will be epic.
-I'm thankful for my supportive family, friends (online and real world), and husband.
PREACH!!! everything you said was on point. I'm just glad to know that I'm on the right track now.. finally!!! Love yourself… and you would be surprised by how easier life becomes…