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Curly Nikki

Curl Envy!

By January 27th, 202138 Comments

Curl Envy!

SheeTacular writes:

Have you met a curly that BC’d at the same time you did and they have a gorgeous head of hair– it’s long with a beautiful cut and healthy? Have you seen someone’s length check and wondered why yours hasn’t grown or why you haven’t been able to retain a lot of length?

How do you overcome hair envy? How do you admire other’s beautiful hair without the green monster rearing it’s ugly head?


  • DeAndra says:

    This is a great subject! As it has been said, many times.. We all have hair envy! It's just SO nice to see that is not the unhealthy kind of envy! Someone pointed out to me yesterday, after I told her that I envy her hair (Which was really thick), she wishes her hair was thinner (like mine) and she loves MY texture! So, my point, we all have beautiful hair – thin or thick, long or short! I LOVE ALL MY BEAUTIFUL, NATURAL SISTERS JUST THE WAY YOU ARE! ROCK ON!!!!

  • Mythoughts says:

    Ok. I'm going to keep it real…WE ALL HAVE EXPERIENCE CURL ENVY at one point or another. You look at someone's hair and think, "Man,why won't mine do like yours?" and the person says things like, "it just grows like this, I use water, or I use XYZ products (and you say but I use those too and mine doesn't look like yours." Many women ask me how I get my hair a certain way and I always say my hair DECIDED to look this way today, tomorrow is a different story. We sometimes always want what we DON'T have and take for granted what we do. I used to look at Taren916 or Shortysg3 with CURL ENVY. I have learned to LOVE the hair I have and STOP looking at the hair I don't because the truth is my hair is MY HAIR and no one else's and the same can be said for ALL NATURALS. Your hair is yours and yours alone, learn to love it the way it grows and it will never do you wrong.

  • Anonymous says:

    I think the time I normal experience Hair Envy is when I see long healthy curls but then i think it is more of an admiration than envy . I do want my hair at the length but i def admire others curls a lot and it kinda makes me love and take care of mine more. Because eventually it will get there.

  • Anonymous says:

    This would probably be in the top 10 list of why people go back to relaxers after going natural.

    I think the natural online community is so visible that there is ample room to compare and contrast everything from hair type to hair length and journey time lines.

    It's natural to ponder why your hair is still neck length after two years yet the girl who chopped at the same time as you has a BAA or is collar bone-apl length already. We all have different growth patterns. Ever heard of terminal length? For some of us bra strap, APL or beyond may never happen. Some forums are obsessed with lengths that most of their members will never get to.

    I have seen people who chopped at the same time whose hair is much much longer but they don't have 4b/4a hair like me so their length shows better and they grow and retain easier than I do. That's genetics. Most envied naturals like Kimmaytube, have been natural for a really long time and her hair was much shorter until she figured out what kept it happy.

    Health is the key, both internally and externally. So is acceptance.

  • Anonymous says:

    Like napfrocurlz I've often wished I could have a big round Angela Davis afro, but my hair just doesn't grow straight up at the crown. I've been natural for 15 years, now with waist length hair that I've been fortunate to keep healthy.

  • Napfrocurlzgirl says:

    I get hair envy when I see big, gorgeous afros. My hair simply will not stand up atop my head! The ugly green monster also rears it's ugly head when I see some my fave youtubers with amazing cuts or layers that I know I can't get here! But, I don't envy the hair where I live….most of the women have damaged, relaxed hair or wear wigs, weaves and extensions. If anything, I think they envy my head of healthy hair. 🙂

  • Anonymous says:

    Sometimes yes…my friends and family tend have type 3/relaxed hair whilst I am the only one with 4c hair. I have had natural hair my whole life but have covered it with braids and weaves my whole life. Sites like that this gave me the confidence to start wearing my hair at the beginning of this summer. It is very hard sometimes but I like sites like this that display the diversity that exists within.

  • Think & Grow Chick says:

    Ooh, great topic! I used to feel this way when I would see ladies on who started heir natural hair journey around he same time I did, only for their hair to surpass men in beauty and length. Because I'm a goal oriented, positive person, however, I try to nix the envy as soon as it arises and channel it into fuel to step my game up. When this happens to me with hair, fitness, business success, school, or whatever, I honestly assess how much I was putting in to my goal, then I make the commitment to "compete" with myself to do better next time.

  • Anonymous says:

    I do look at other people hair and I sometimes envy how its long. But I have only been growing it for 12 months now so yeah..I can finally get in into a pony style..That is amazing for 1 year of growth….Loving my own hair. It grow's extremely fast so it will be long where I feel comfatable in no time :)…

  • Anonymous says:

    When I had relaxed hair i was envious of anyone whoes hair was longer, straighter, or prettier than mine. When I became natual I got envious of other naturals. then i realized that this is the head of hair that God gave me. I don't need to worry about anyone else's hair. Just take the best care of my hair and don't worry about anything else. We all have our strengths and weaknesses. What one person struggles with may be easy for you and vice versa. I think God gave me this head of hair to teach me patience, to be grateful for what i have, and mainly to teach me self confidence! When i stop comparing my hair to everyone else and just take care of my hair, i see how beautiful it is.

  • Anonymous says:

    I have been growing my hair out for about 2 months but wearing a quick weave because I'am so impulsive with my hair. I did not want to relax it anymore nor cut it until it had grown out a bit. I have been wearing my hair short for quite some time but not as short as most ppl do with the BC. I decided to cut the perm out this past Sunday, I was looking at my hair and was becoming frustrated b/c I could not see the progress I had made b/c my hair was in a mohawh..the good thing is that the tapered parts grew out curly but the mohawh was still straight with curls in the roots so I was tempted to cut a piece of hair in which I did. I was so excited and anxious that I cut all the relaxer out and called my sisters to tell them..they were so shocked!!! Before I even washed it I loved it once I did wash curled up beautifully. I'm so excited!!!!

  • FrouLaLa says:

    I get major curl envy (Yes, that means YOU Nikki LOL). I have been trying grow my hair for quite some time. Then out of no where either a friend, relative, colleague, or hair stylist will tell me "You hair is so healthy and long!". Then it reminds me that everything is relative…what is not long to some may be long to others. It also reminds me that I need to spend more time appreciating what I have and it will grow if I give it time!

  • Anonymous says:

    I defiantly have hair envy. I have been natural for close to ten months now. I feel my hair should be longer,especially when I see women with the same amount of hair time as me LOL. However what I have come to terms with is , I probably am not as dedicated as the women who have hair like I desire. I have allowed my laziness to outweigh my desire. Just keepin it REAL !!!!!!

  • Diva (in Demand) says:

    YES YES AND YES! And I'm not a new natural either. I have been natural for over 7 years and my hair has never been longer than shoulder length so I always get envious when I see people whose hair grows fast. My hair is healthy and moisturized and the ends are trimmed when necessary so it's not like I don't like what I have on my own head…….but I sure do wish it was longer when I see other people.

    That and 2 strand twists. Do you know how many times I've tried your twist n curl wishing it would look like yours? LOL

  • Anonymous says:

    I must admit I have hair envy alot! I think I had this idea in my head what my hair would look like once I decided to become natural. I would watch hours of Youtube videos and look at the Fotki's of different naturals and wanted my hair to look like that. Once I big chopped well lets just say I wasn't loving my hair as much. Im not good at styling my hair and that's another source of frustration for me. While I don't regret making the decision to become natural right now I'm not totally in love with my hair. As much as I try and not envy other hair that I see I do.

  • angelarose says:

    I envy length on others, I want really long hair, even though I am sure it doesn't suit me as well as shoulder length and I am addicted to pony tails and buns. It doesn't even make sense to want hair that long for me, its just more maintenance! For some reason I daydream a lot about the day when my hair will be WL or longer, lol!

  • Anonymous says:

    My best friend has gorgeous think hair that grow like weed. I get jealous because my hair is high maintance and would grow but if I don't take good care of it, it just breaks. Whenever I get to jealous, I just think that I only have to shave my legs once a month while she shaves almost everyday. :O) I have thin hair all over my body so I'll take the good and the bad. :O)

  • KinkySheaPT says:

    I remind myself that healthy hair grows and by keeping my hair healthy it too will grow. I also remind myself that every curly is different.

  • Kanisha says:

    I get hair envy just like everyone else. I just BC'd in June after 6 months of transitioning, so my hair is still very much a TWA. :))

    I tame hair envy by NOT getting on different sites so often. I still go to my favorite sites occasionally, but toning down some really helps. It's hard to look at women with long, beautifully curly hair when my hair's not even long enough to shake yet! Or put in a ponytail.

    Also, I try to look at women who have hair MY length. That really helps. Because then I can just duplicate what they do!

    Stay strong!

  • Shante (tempertink) says:

    To be honest with you all, overcoming Hair Envy is an everyday struggle. Each morning I get on curly nikki and youtube and look at my hair idols (kimmaytube,prettydimples, lia81 and especially taren 916)and wish I had their hair. I have even been sad enough to contemplate getting a relaxer again. However…. when it gets to this point, I go take a shower, wash my curls and look in the mirror at how beautiful my hair is and tell myself to be patient. I transisitoned for about 6 months and I bc'd in June. I have about 5 inches of hair now….

    Lord be with me.

  • Anonymous says:

    I just remind myself that I need to take better care of my hair and eventually, I will be there in time.
    And then someone else can envy me lol j/k

  • Anonymous says:

    I overcome hair envy by picturing myself with a head full of healthy hair – although I get lots and lots of compliments – I want a big head of hair like Diana Ross, Chaka Khan, Chime – recently featured on this site, and Curly Nikki. Since the big chop I've cut my hair twice. No more hair cuts only trims which will be done by me every three to four months.

  • GGmadeit says:

    Shee you hit it on the head. I still want Lynn's twists and my hair will not do that no matter what I do. Sooooo I have just decided to admire from afar. LOL! Oh and let's not talk about MahoganyCurls….*rolling my eyes* if there was a way to kidnap her hair. I was put on my black ninja suit and make it happen! LOL seriously as soon as I think I want someone else's curls, I get a note on FB from a complete stranger telling me that want my hair. So it all works out in the end!

  • NikNak says:

    I used to get hair envy when I was a kid… But I can't tell you the last time I've wish I had someone else's head of hair. I do have hair hate moments. My hair is sooo thin right now (been meaning to see a dermatologist, but haven't gotten around to it), so I go through moments of despising my hair, especially b/c I used to be able to get it pressed, and now it just looks limp and pitiful if I do that… :woosah:

  • Anonymous says:

    I tend to look at my own hair and say OK it grew this much in 3 months so in another 3 months it will be this long. Or I'll look at CN and say OK in 4 years I can expect this lenght. But I'm never envious I'm more grateful that I've found out how to stop my hair from falling out and breaking off by going natural! As long as I have healthy hair for once I don't care how long it is.

  • Unknown says:

    I get hair envy all the time lol. But then when other natural women ask me how I got my hair like this, I realize that I should just appreciate what I have and keep trying to better myself.

  • Irendi says:

    I get hair envy whenever I look at this site!!! Hahaha. But, seriously, I saw someone yesterday whose curls were gorgeous…and I almost stopped her to ask her secrets, lol.

  • MsFoxxy says:

    I've definitely experienced some envy, LoL. I realize that the reason I may not have quite as much length as others who let go of relaxers around the same time as I did is probably my own fault though. My last relaxer was October 12 2008. I kept my hair in tree braids from early March 2009 until mid-July 2010. I never really did a BC… and I think this is where my problem stemmed. My relaxed hair was only about 4 inches or so long, but for some reason I felt the need to hang on to it, LoL. The problem is that I didn't take care of it or moisturize properly while it was in tree braids. When I'd take my braids down, I'd have all kinds of tangles and knots in the relaxed hair… I didn't know how to detangle properly, so I ended up causing lots of breakage. I finally got what was left of my relaxed ends trimmed off in Feb 2010. Crazy, I know, LoL. By that time, most of the relaxed hair had broken off on its own.

    So now, I'm finally wearing my hair out and learning to take care of it properly, but I only have about 8 inches of hair even though I'm approaching my 2 year mark in October… but I try not to get too jealous. I realize that it's probably not my hair growing slowly, but previous breakage that is the cause of me not having more hair. I'm comforted by the fact that my hair is NOW healthy and I'm certain that I will retain more length in the future!

  • Ejiro O. says:

    I do have hair admiration more like it. I know a girl who started alongside me and has great length. But the thing I remember is that we aren't the same thus our hair growth rate and textures will be totally different. I just rock what I got. Besides hair 'envy' is what got me in so much hair trouble when I was relaxed, so i've decided to let that go and see where my hair takes me

  • Tester says:

    It can be hard at times, but I try not to compare my hair to other's. Everyone's body and hair is different so to always wish that you had someone else's hair is pointless and unrealistic. With natural hair I think many people learn to love their own God-given hair. You can't change it, so you might as well embrace it. As long as you're taking care of your hair properly, it will thrive…can't be mad at that.

  • KindredSmile says:

    I've been on the other end of this situation – the one with the quickly growing curls. It offends me when fellow BCers were throwing shade at me for no reason, coming up with every excuse in the book for why my hair was growing (you must be mixed, you're not stressed like I am, you eat meat) EXCEPT for the obvious – I take care of it! Healthy hair grows, period.

  • Anonymous says:

    Best Hair Envy Repellent:
    -Making healthy hair my first priority. I always loved my hair, and all I ever truly wanted is to learn how to grow healthy hair. It took time, patience, and a whole lot of research. I no longer feel pulled in any direction for I learned a lot about: Porosity, Balancing Moisture and Protein, pH Balance, and why certain ingredients in products work for my hair. Doing my own research changed my life and calmed my green eyed monster. Live. Love. Peace. ~Sweetsop

  • Unknown says:

    I have a bit of envy when i see people who have BC'ed around the same time i have and their hair seems to be longer but i also know that they might have a different technique to stretching their hair because i have quite a bit of shrinkage.

  • Anonymous says:

    Well, I found a Fotki album with a girl whose hair were very similar to mine and it was longer and more beautiful than mine. After seeing haer pics, I decided go totally natural (before I was texturizing). I also found out about 2-strand-twis (I'm Brazilian, I've never seen that style here). More than jeaulous, I was curious to find out what I was doing wrong. She never asnwered my e-mail LOL, but I started to search for help online in the right places (before I was treating my hair with brand and expensive stuff, Kerastase, Alfaparf, Keune… they only ruined my account and didn't do enough for my hair).

  • Jahmila says:

    I used to have hair envy when I would see women with "wash and go" hair. LIke the type where they can just step out of the shower and not do anything to it and just go. Knowing thatmy hair texture was nothing like theirs kept me from going natural for a long time. The way that I got over it was to look at ladies who have hair similar to mine and see just how beautiful all hair textures can be. Now I am four months into my transition and can't wait until I have a full head of MY OWN natural hair.

  • Unknown says:

    I have seen a lot of naturals who have BC'd around the same time I have with long beautiful hair that has surpassed my length. However, every one's hair is different, grows at a different rate and what you do to your hair and your body effects how your hair will grow. You can't help but to wonder if you did something wrong, but in the same instance, realize that your hair is independent from everyone else's.

  • Anonymous says:

    My hair envy, when it does arise, is only fleeting. I often look at my hair and wonder what I could be doing differently when I see others who BC'd around the time I did and appear to have better growth/progress than I do. Never jealousy though because I'm excited when other curlies share their regimens. After the envy passes I'm all over it trying to find out everything they've been doing to achieve such a beautiful head of curly hair.

  • vonnie says:

    my main issue is lusting after heads of hair and then realizing that they have been growing their hair out for 3+ years whereas I have only been natural for 1.5 years, so I have to stop thinking that my hair will look anything like that when it hasn't been nearly that much time. So calming down and knowing that I'll get there in time has been my most trying part of the journey 🙂 patience isn't a virtue that i have! lol

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