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Curly Nikki

Self-Concept Thursday

By January 27th, 202112 Comments

Self-Concept Thursday

The Mirror

by Leisa Monique of Eat My Dessert First

Have you ever seen a woman that you were in awe of from just looking at her? Physically beautiful, educated, working a great job, driving a nice car and/or possessing some other attribute that you admire. Perhaps it’s the way she carries herself or the fact that she seems to be so powerful that has earned your admiration.

So many times we look at others and begin to feel intimidated and think “If only I…”. Sometimes it seems that these people posses something that we do not, or are in a place in life that we would like to be.

A few months back I was telling my friend Sandra how intimidated I felt because I was meeting lots of powerful women. Some had their Ph D’s and were heads of corporations, some were Vice Presidents of companies, others were Executive Directors of Non-Profits and successful business owners. These women own their own homes, drive nice cars and are very well put together. And here I am working as a field director in politics. I have yet to finish my degree and despite having the desire to do so, I do not own my home. Can you see the pity party I was beginning to have?

When you select your friends, you should choose people that are going to hold you accountable, and lovingly tell you when you are being ridiculous! When I expressed my insecurities to Sandra, she immediately snapped at me and asked what was I talking about! She pretty much chewed me out! She reminded me of the journey that I’m on and the things that I have accomplished in recent years. She reminded me of the successful businesses that I created, the records that I had set or broken in careers, the divorce that I had gracefully gone through, and how I had packed up and moved to another state in the midst of adversity and had somehow managed to land on my feet. She reminded me that I had once been homeless with my children and somehow managed to keep it together and still take care of them! She reminded me of my resourcefulness, my charisma, my bounce-back ability. She reminded me of the homes that I had owned and the ones that I will own again. She reminded me of my perseverance.

But there was one thing that she said to me that was so powerful, that it sticks with me to this very day. It was a statement that changed the way I see myself and the people that I attract to me. She said “Leisa, people are a reflection of us. What we see and admire in others is also in us! You are meeting these powerful women that you admire so much because YOU are a powerful woman!” She asked me if I had ever considered the fact that these women were admiring me as well. She said “you are meeting these kinds of women because that is the kind of woman YOU are, and like attracts like! Stop thinking that they have something that you do not have, and accept the fact that you are just as powerful as you think they are! Through these women God is showing you where you are and where you will be!” Talk about being put in your place!

Well, needless to say the tears began to run, not because I was sad, but because she was right! The women that I admired so much didn’t posses anything that I didn’t. I used to feel intimidated around women who seemed to have it “going on” but now I remember the words of my best friend and can sit with heads of state and know that I am supposed to be there! I will never feel intimidated again when I’m in the presence of great women, because I know that I too am great!

I want to leave you with: Know your worth and who you are! Know that you are a Divine being; an extension of God himself. Know that no matter where you are in your life, that nothing can change who you are! Know that people are a mirror reflection of us and that what you see and admire in others is most strongly in YOU. You are magnificent! You are powerful! You are valuable! You are worthy!

Never look at another woman again and be intimidated by who or what you think she is and remember when you see a woman you admire, you are looking in the mirror and seeing a reflection of YOU!

Here is a little GIFT that I want to leave you with. Its something that I listen to often to remind me of who I am. Always remember who you are!


I’m doing an all call for inspirational quotes, videos, short blogs, and articles that relate to improving self-esteem, and developing a positive body image and sense of self. We’re calling it Self-Concept Thursdays! Send your submissions to using Self-Esteem as the subject line.

***In the meantime, leave your Positive Affirmations below!


  • Barbara Naturally Speaking says:

    This is a wonderful post Leisa. I will never forget your words of encouragement that you shared in this article. As of today I will restate and remember that "People are a reflection of us- and what we see and admire in others is also in us". Thanks Leila. This was truly my word for the day!

  • Perkisha says:

    I love this! Thanks for the reminder to love and admire yourself as much as you love and admire others!

  • Unknown says:

    I wish I could know who you ladies are who are responding as "anonymous! I have so much to tell you about YOU!

    I remember feeling so insignificant sometimes and always wondered if anyone even knew I was alive! It has taken some years and some difficult experiences to finally realize that I and significant! I'm significant to the one that matters the most…God! The Divine!

    I recently wrote a blog post referring to that very thing…your significance! If you have not visited the blog, please do so! I believe you will find something there that will encourage you!

    Also, I host a weekly radio show where we deal with these issues and many others like it. visit the blog at and click on the radio button. It will take you to the show page. You can email me if you like at I would luv to hear from you and coach you to knowing your self-worth and who you are!

    In the meantime, know that you are so valuable! You are worthy! You are powerful! You are beautiful! You are magnificent! You are YOU!!

  • Anonymous says:

    Yeah I often will compare myself to others and wonder where I went wrong, and why I don't have this and that. I single no kids,no house rent apt, and no friends. I'm a nice person, can be both introverted and extroverted but just feel that I really don't have a purpose here on this earth. I look at other people and have so many whishlists of what could and should have been mine, and no that I am thankful for what I have so far. But am envious of what I don't have and always being compared to another sibling has always put a negative for me. So all I can do is try my best and leave it in the lords hands and know that I'm doing my best, and that the grass is not always greener on the other side of things.

  • Anonymous says:

    Yea I really liked this one. I have the same feeling sometimes when I see old classmates who have recently finished college and are moving to the next phase in their life. I keep reminding myself of my struggle and different situations that have only slowed me down, but in due time I will be where I want to be with my education, and to be patient. Someone told me recently that anything worth having will not be easy achieving.. good advice.

    Thank you for this post.

  • Krystality says:

    This is BEAUTIFUL!

    Great post. I not only understood what you said but I felt it. Thank You for share apart of you with us.

  • Unknown says:

    Wow! I am so thrilled that so many of you feel inspired by this article. I strive to write to encourage every woman that I come in contact and that reads my writing. It is my goal to help every woman and young girl understand their self-worth. You all have encouraged me today!

  • Anonymous says:

    This article was right on time! I was feeling low in my spirit for the past two days and not at peace. After reading this post, I feel HIM talking to me through YOUR words. Thank you for allowing the Lord to use you to bless others.

  • Anonymous says:

    This is so on time for me. I have been feeling the same way about myself. I feel like I am just a mother and wife. This really made me seen that I am wonderfully made. This is why I love being on Curly Nikki! God bless all of you beautiful ladies!!!!!

  • Ms. Overproof says:

    I LOVE LOVE LOVE this. I had a pity party with myself on Tuesday along the same vein and my bestie put me in check and lucky for you, you have good friends. You know how they say behind every man is a good woman. Well beside every good woman is a good girlfriend. Shout out to my homie BFF, sister from another mother and fellow curly JA!!! love you girl! Great article and right on time.

  • TheBuddingFashionista says:

    This is such a great article. Well-written and with a good message. I often feel the same way around powerful women. Especially at work. But, when I start to feel intimidated, I will remember your words. Thank you.

  • Kerri says:

    Great post Leisa! I can definitely relate and I hope I can get to a place that will allow me to be comfortable in my own skin. Thanks for the inspiration.

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