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Curly Nikki

A Man’s Confessions About Natural Hair

By January 27th, 202169 Comments
Hair Confessions: John W.

A Man's Confessions About Natural HairAge: 29
Geographical Location: Tallahassee, FL
Educational Background: Doctoral Student

How important is hair to overall attractiveness? Specifically, which styles (down vs. ponytail vs. bun) and lengths?

In all honesty, hair is a big deal to me, but not necessarily in terms of length. Healthy hair means a lot to me, so that can be short, long, or anywhere in between. I don’t like the shaving the side of the head thing though. That looks like Gary Oldman from Fifth Element (movie).


Do you feel there is a ‘Natural Hair Movement’ currently occurring? Why do you think so many women are going natural (i.e. Do you think most women want to make a statement or to just stop relaxing)?

Well, I think for some, it is to make a statement. But many of the women I talk to are just tired of the maintenance that comes with perms and touch-ups. But then, most of them end up getting so involved in hair care that they end up having to maintain things when natural as well. I think the main thing is that going natural seems to be better for the hair and body in terms of chemical exposure and harshness, and that seems like common sense to me.

Would you support your significant other if she decided to become natural?

I have in the past, and that won’t change anytime soon.


Are you able to tell the difference in textures of hair? If your significant other were to go natural, would the texture of her hair affect your opinions on whether she should remain natural or not?

I am able to tell the difference, and believe it or not, most men can. We don’t like to admit it, but we notice bad perms, when touch ups are needed, and when you heat straighten your hair versus permed. For me, however, once my significant other gets the title, my love for her goes beyond what choices she makes with her hair. (Unless she decides to shave a side of it bald, as described above.)

Do you like or dislike when your significant other changes her hair style often (i.e. wigs, weaves, braids, flat ironed, wash & go)?

I like variety, but I think it should be an easy transition and something that suits her. Every hair style looks different from person to person, so I think that it should be something that suits her and her disposition.

Does the amount of time your significant other spends on her hair prove to be problematic?

Only when we are going to get food and a brotha is starving.


How do you feel about the amount of money your significant other spends on her hair? Is there a point where the amount of money is a source of conflict? Is it acceptable for her to spend as much as she chooses as long as she looks fly?

Your looks are an investment, and regardless of what anyone says, you are permitted to do whatever you desire to do with the money you have to maintain that look. With that said, as long as you don’t owe the loan company money because of your maintenance, then I think you do what it takes for you to be happy with your appearance.

Do you think your significant other should consider your opinion when making decisions about her hair?

Consider, perhaps. Should I have equal say in her final decision? Probably not. It is her hair, and though common sense says she should want her man pleased, personal privilege allows her the ability to make her decision.

Why do you think women care about a man’s opinion when it relates to hair?

Because ultimately she wants to attract a man. (Or a woman who is playing the role of a man…or a woman who plays the role of a woman in the place of a man. You get the drift.) Just like, most men who want abs don’t want abs just for the sake of having them and looking in the mirror. A flat stomach is just as healthy. But we want abs because women like abs. Same goes for women and hair.


How do you view women that wear weaves? Can you tell the difference between natural hair and a weave?

Funny story…I had just started dating a girl who had a hair track sewn in. She fell asleep on my chest, and she looked adorable. I began caressing her hair, and ran my fingers along the seam of the track. My first thought was…this poor girl must have had brain surgery cause I feel the stitches. She is such a fighter. I love a strong woman.

Clearly, I was mistaken.

Since then, I truly don’t care much for weaves. Unless there is a medical reason that prompts it, I think you should simply do the best to work with what you got. But then again, it is up to the individual, and I won’t say yay or nay to dating a woman on the strength of her weave.


How do you feel about satin sleeping bonnets or any type of hair scarf?

Don’t like em. Believe it or not, I love to cuddle and press my face against my woman’s hair. (Kinda like Andre 3000 in the Where Are My Panties interlude on Love Below).

Does it matter to you whether your significant other’s hair is relaxed or not?

As long as she is happy, no. But I would want her to be cognizant of what products are being used on her hair rather than just going to the salon and letting someone relax it for her without any information. And since I am a biologist, I have no problems helping her research what goes into those chemicals. Could be a bonding moment…or not.

If more women treated cosmetic treatments as health issues rather than beauty issues, I think we’d see more healthy decisions made about what they choose to do during these processes.

69 Comments

  • Bird says:

    "I began caressing her hair, and ran my fingers along the seam of the track. My first thought was…this poor girl must have had brain surgery cause I feel the stitches. She is such a fighter. I love a strong woman." — So if its not bad enough I'm at work reading this, my boss is in the office next to me and I'm in here crying because I'm holding in my laugh!! If that wasn't the truth right there lol

  • Anonymous says:

    His opinions were honest, respectful, and, fair. Pretty good read.

  • Ms. Pillowz says:

    Is that brotha single?? Smart, sense of humor, and a cutey, too? *swoon* lol

    The media and the hair industry would have us all believe that men only like the Yaky 32" bone straight look, so that we all go out and buy whatever product to make our hair like that regardless of how harmful it is.

    Many of us, whether in the natural, weaved, or permed community, take what has been put out there as the truth. We have all heard the story about a friend's sister's best friend's aunt's favorite cashier's hair dresser's husband who had divorce papers on the dining room table waiting to be signed as soon as she came in the house wearing her hair natural. Then we use it to justify the "fact" that men don't like natural hair. As a result, many of us get discouraged and / or develop a chip on our shoulders.

    Instead, why not ask real men what they think instead of relying on media driven images and stories to tell us what we want to know? This interview is straight from the "horse's mouth", so to speak. I know that John's POV doesn't represent what ALL men think, but it represents the perspective that oftentimes doesn't get heard. I find it refreshing. Thanks for posting this, Curly Nikki! 🙂

    Ms. Pillowz
    BigDivaHq.com

  • Anonymous says:

    *through* should be *threw*

  • Anonymous says:

    Nice to know but totally irrelevant. I loved the way he through in his educational credentials to give weight to his opinions.

  • SashaB. says:

    ((Soul Claps))

    I wish I knew this guy's name. His opinions aren't very widely held so it's nice to see when someone is as positive about natural girls. I love that he mentioned that once a woman in his life has "the title" (lol) he loves her regardless of what she does to her hair. That's refreshing to see. Men with this kind of point of view are kind of few and far between.

    Oh and he's hilarious–still laughing at the stitches ordeal. lolol

  • Queenofthe4s says:

    I feel him on the Andre 3000 tip! I love that, too!

  • Anonymous says:

    I agree with those who would like to include the male perspective as at least a bi-weekly post. Next topic can be natural men that do or don't date natural women and why? I've thought about this for sometime now…

    Crimson_Butterfly…

  • Anonymous says:

    I think for the most part this site encourages positiveness for our hair. He said something positive. Why turn it into a 'who cares what men think' type of thing? That's so negative.

  • Anonymous says:

    I thought that his article was just too cute. I too would like to see more articles like this posted on this site.

    Black men liking or not liking natural hair is always being debated. This has always been a hot topic in the natural hair community, and honestly this is why many women are hesitant to go natural. Of course you are going to have some black men that like it and some that don't that's a given. However it is nice to hear from black men and how they feel about it than hearing from black women that think they know how they feel about it.

  • SPIRITUAL AWAKENING says:

    Hey thats my Bruh!!!! And I agree with his thoughts on woman treating the issue as an health issue rather than beauty. People get so caught up in their looks that they dont consider other benefits like health. This includes chemicals in all beauty products, not just relaxers.

    I also know for a fact that men do notice hair but if its his significant other usually thats part of accepting her for who she is. I remember when I used to wear weave I had a boyfriend that didn't care 2 cents about it, because it was an expression of who I was, and of course I wasn't obsessed with trying to look like someone or not love myself. I just liked wearing weave! lol

    Great post I respect everyones opinion and don't take it personal.

  • Anonymous says:

    I understand some folks lack of appreciation for the "male perspective" on here. I think some folks look at this as a safe space for women to talk about hair without that particular focus. Women are constantly bombarded with social and cultural messages about pleasing men, so its nice sometimes to not have those messages around, even if they are couched in the niceties that existed in this article, for instance.

  • John W. says:

    Hey ladies.

    I appreciate the comments of all types that were presented as it relates to my interview.

    A few things:

    To the young lady who said I surely must have known a weave from something else…no one in my family had, to my knowledge, worn a weave. Plus, my doctorate is in biology, and I missed the track vs real hair portion of the lecture. (In other words, it is common sense to you, but to me, it was a first time experience…has nothing to do with my education. I am sure there are things on a man or that men possess that you cannot readily identify. I know now.)

    Secondly, I would sincerely hope that my point of view, or any man's point of view, would not dictate how you view yourselves. As I put in the interview, your own personal happiness is what is important. But some people do want to know how others perceive it for the sake of knowing. For those of you who can appreciate the point of view, cool. For those who don't, you truly don't have to. No hard feelings either way.

    Lastly, with so much female AND male bashing, I want it to be known that men do appreciate you (this is a hair forum, so that was the subject, but we appreciate you in general.) Despite what the media says or what the rumor mills say, many men do appreciate you for who you are. If you didn't get that from my interview, then I apologize.

    I wish you all the best on your individual journeys.

    John W.

  • Mark Lomas says:

    Great post! Just my opinion, but I love girls with natural hair, I believe a women looks her best when her hair is a natural as possible, flaunt whatever you were given!

  • Anonymous says:

    I enjoy visiting this site however, I am
    sad to see that this article was posted on this website. Who cares what that guy or any guy thinks about women hair? That's how tension between women and women self image gets scewed. Stupid he thought the woman had surgery and he supposedly has a doctorate. I'm sure someone in his family has had extensions at some point. I liked this website because I thought it had some empowering elements to it tho I did think it could include embracing more hairstyle options with natural being the main focus. However, with this article, it turned the whole issues of hair into a joke and focused on the male perspective. They don't make a big deal about their appearances in magazines, movies a la Chris rock, and articles.

  • Anonymous says:

    My hubby and I love the 5th element movie and now.. every time I see that hair style I am going to smile…too funny.. great segment

  • Anonymous says:

    THANK YOU FOR THIS I LOVED EVERY MINUTE OF IT, AND DIED WHEN HE THOUGHT THE GIRL HAD SURGERY, LOL.

  • Anonymous says:

    Great post, I love reading a mans POV. Glad to know all our hard work is notices and appreciated.

  • Anonymous says:

    Are you really confident if you are racking your brain trying to figure out if someone likes your natural hair or not?

    Does that make sense to say that if you come on a blog it's because you care what other people think of you? Huh? That's not a valid statement.

    So if I go to a blog about vegetarian cooking it's because I care what other vegetarians think of me? I can't just be there to swap recipes and cooking experience?

    I mainly come here to look for hair styles, hair maintenance and product reviews…and yes the people articles are great sometimes too. I enjoyed this one. The end was very funny.

    I DO NOT come here to gain confidence or validation (from a man or WOMAN) about my choice to be natural. I made that decision on my own without the aid of any blogs 3 years ago and if I wasn't confident with my choice and if I CARED about what other people thought about my natural hair, I'd probably be relaxed right now…

    I posted my comment to show women who are transitioning/newly natural to "just do you". There are going to be people who like it or hate it. You can't please everyone, and it's impossible to try.

    I'd drive myself crazy if I constantly had to worry about if a man liked my hair. C'mon. lol..and I definitely don't care if a woman likes my hair since I'm not interested in attracting one 🙂

    ***Shauna

  • Nikki says:

    Isn't he the cutest thing! LOL @ surgery, only a man. Great to have his point of view!

  • Anonymous says:

    Usually if I don't dig a post I don't read it or respond to it. Every cup of tea is not going to please every palette.

    A person can be confident and still care what people think. If you are on this blog that means that you care about what others think. It may not be a man but you care about what other women think. You also want others to care about what you think or else you would not post.

    And there is nothing wrong with caring about what other people think. It's natural. Hell I'm married and I still want folks to think I look pretty. Is that so wrong? lol.

  • Anonymous says:

    I honestly do not care what a man thinks about the texture (natural/relaxed/etc) of my hair. To me that's like me worrying about how other people view my skin color complexion. This is me!! Take it or leave it!!!

    I BC'd in October 2007 and because I have a very round/chubby face, I did not think the twa was flattering for my face. Therefore I wore braids for about 7 months until I got the length I desired and felt comfortable with.

    When I started to wear my natural hair in a decent sized afro, this guy who had taken an interest in me before was absolutely FLOORED when he saw my natural hair!! I remember him asking: "What happened to your straight hair and your braids??? Why are you wearing your hair in an afro??"

    I was sooo proud of my hair. I just responded "Because this is how I like it. I don't chemically straighten my hair anymore. I'm natural" Well, needless to say, he no longer had any interest in me. lol. But I was feeling myself so much that I didn't care about his opinion about my kinks and coils. Confidence is key for a natural haired woman. You have to love your hair before you can expect anyone else to.

    My point is this: women with natural hair tend to weed out the men who can hang with a natural sistah and those who cannot. Which one deserves your attention? I can honestly say, my twists, 'fros, bantu knots and cornrows have not slowed me down in the love department. The men who like it will seek you out. 🙂

    ***Shauna

  • westNDNbeauty says:

    I'm glad everyone is enjoying this interview! John is really a funny guy. Thank you Nikki for reposting!

    If anyone would like to see other interviews related to the male perspective, please check out my blog at http://www.ConfessionsofaBlogVixen.com

    -West

  • luvmylocs says:

    great addition to the site. please keep asking men what they think. i want to hear it even if i don't agree or it's hard to hear. that's how we learn and grow.

  • Anonymous says:

    I loved this article! Its nice to hear a postive male opinion every once in awhile; but I have to say I'm interested in him. If he really does have a girlfriend she is so lucky. He's cute and smart 🙂

  • Roddrea says:

    This post really funny. As everyone else said, the brain surgery part was hilar! And to respond to some of the debate about caring about what men think: it's natural to care what others think. It's evolutionary actually. To be able to survive and reproduce (the end all be all goal of evolution) we need to assess our attractiveness. We gain information about ourselves based on the opinions of others. Single women in search of mates need to take into account how men feel about physical attributes including hair. Because like it or not it matters- from an evolutionary standpoint.

    Just a thought from a psych major writing a thesis on sexual factors that lead to mate selection…

  • Confused Natural says:

    If this guy had said, 'I'm not really into natural hair.', you ladies would be up in arms. My point is, the opinions of random men should not matter!

  • Anonymous says:

    His comments are simply priceless! Love it.
    ITA: would love to hear more male perspectives.
    ~ Tis all….

  • Queenly says:

    VERY IMPRESSIVE. GREAT ADDITION TO THE SITE AND I THINK IT WOULD BE GREAT TO SEE THE PRESPECTIVE OF MEN MORE OFTEN!

  • Anonymous says:

    Awww man, I spit my sweet tea out reading about the weave tracks! Absolutely HILARIOUS!!!

    —RiRi

  • Anonymous says:

    @ Confused Natural and Anonymous: Women with natural hair are obsessed with the male perspective for the same reason that we visit this blog everyday. We are all, to some degree, obsessed with any and everything relating to natural/curly hair. As in ANY culture, perceptions of beauty (hair being a part of that) are a part of who we are, how we view ourselves, and in some cases, how the people we encounter relate to us.

    I think the post is less about seeking validation from the male perspective as it is a roundabout way of addressing WHY men feel the way they do about curly/natural haired women. Hence, why we consistently have conversations about our "transitional journeys" or men preferring relaxers over kinky hair or straight hair vs curly hair. These perspectives speak to more than just hair; they speak to issues of identity, self-acceptance, and for most, race and Eurocentricity.

    Like you, I'd hope these posts are not about finding validation in the male perspective, as it is about putting their (varying) opinions out in the open, so that men and women can truly examine why they feel the way they do about certain textural preferences. Hopefully, we can share information/insights and learn and grow from it.

  • Unknown says:

    I enjoyed this post!! It was nice to see what a males POV is on our hair. I look forward to hearing more male POV's. That brain surgery story was hilarious!!

  • AusetAbena says:

    Great answers. I appreciate his honesty and maturity. And his humor. lol.

  • Anonymous says:

    LOL all of these single women trying to get with this man. I admit when I was reading this, I had to double check his location to see if he was in or around my city 😉 Cute, educated and sweet.

    I had to laugh at the brain surgery comment. Made me think of my ex…when I had a perm or straightened hair he used to rub his fingers through my hair. When we first started dating, he was like "I am just checking to see if it's yours" LOL. Apparently his ex was unbeweaveable.

    I liked this post!!! Keep the male POVs coming…

  • Anonymous says:

    Well for the ladies who don't care what a man thinks, you technically didn't have to read or respond to what this particular man thought. And for those who just wanted to hear a different point of view, it sounds like the objective was achieved.

  • rose says:

    Cute guy and I love his answers

  • Anonymous says:

    Well said, Ashley. Thank you!

  • Anonymous says:

    Loved this post!!!! "Brain surgery" comment had me on the floor! LOL…But really Nikki, you should keep this as a regular post–where we hear from men from all backgrounds/ethnicities on how they feel about curly/natural haired women–the good, the bad and the ugly.

  • ashley says:

    @ Confused Natural and Anonymous, the whole point of this article is to introduce the male perspective on natural hair. While one may say, "who cares what men think," at the end of the day, it really does matter. This article was great b/c the male was not bashing women for being natural. The image projected regarding black women's expectations are high in the media. It's nice to have a REAL man's perspective on natural hair and his journey as well. We all live in this world together after all! Instead of completely disregarding other's perceptions of us fellow naturals, embrace it and allow it to transform negative to positive. Great article!

  • Anonymous says:

    Thank you, Confused Natural, for taking the words right out of my mouth–if you're really secure with what's on your head a man could not validate your self worth with his opinion, especially some random dude on the internet! confidence is attractive–cultivate it from within.

  • Sneeka says:

    This was a great interview! How nice to see a brotha down to earth, real and honest. Also educated and quite funny (Re: brain surgery and Gary Oldman comments).

    He's gonna find himself a lovely woman!

    And I love his Punisher T-shirt!

  • Anonymous says:

    I cosign with many of ladies that this post was great and I would definitely like to see something like this more often Nikki! Oh and I was LMBO about the track story! He larry us!

  • Confused Natural says:

    I am still very confused as to why we as women with natural hair obsess so much about 'the male perspective'! Two posts in one day?! First of all, the male perspective is not unanimous, so what is the value in this never-ending search for it? Second, why live your life for some hypothetical guy and his preferences? Ladies, do what make you happy and find a man who you can be happy with. Hair is secondary.

    Sorry for the rant, but this has always bothered me.

  • Anonymous says:

    This is a fantastic post! Very thoughtful comments and opinions on his views of women and natural hair… Thanks for sharing, John! 🙂

  • Unknown says:

    LOL at the brain surgery/weave tracks story!

  • Charrisespieces says:

    I really enjoyed this post. I would like to see more of these post from the male perspective. I am sure my Hubby would submit one.

    The weave story is classic. too funny

    @Charrisespieces

  • Anonymous says:

    :I began caressing her hair, and ran my fingers along the seam of the track. My first thought was…this poor girl must have had brain surgery cause I feel the stitches. She is such a fighter. I love a strong woman.

    Clearly, I was mistaken."

    LMAOOOOOO

    but i love his POV

  • Unknown says:

    This was a great post! His answers were genuine and honest. Loved it! The weave story was TOO funny though. Have to share that one! =)

  • GASP Nail Art says:

    to feel her track he had to be all up in her head lol it was a funny story thoh

  • Anonymous says:

    LOL! Yes! The weave comment is priceless!

  • Balls Of Beauty says:

    im SO glad he mentioned the "shaved head" thing becuz i JUST talked about that today on my blog (kandid koilz) i always love the honesty of how men really feel. i know some curlies SO's may NOT approve of them goin natural, its important for me to find someone who appreciates MY decision to be curly whether they wanna root me on or not. **singing mary j** just take meeee, as i am…or have nothing at all 🙂

  • Anonymous says:

    You Gotta Love This Guy…

  • Kell_with_the_Curls says:

    Loved this! It's wonderful to hear the answers to questions I'm sure many of us have and don't ask. Insightful, thoughtful and pretty funny! I agree with Anon 9:57, this would be great as a regular spotlight.

  • Blakbutterfli says:

    Hmm…does he currently have a significant other? lol Nikki, can we do some type of contest to get a date? I'm college educated, an Aquarius, etc… LOL

    On the real, I wish more men had this attitude. It's always nice to hear a brother's honest opinion on natural hair and just black women's hair in general.

  • Anonymous says:

    Nikki PLEASE keep this in your regular posting!! That is so priceless and honest!1 It would be nice to read the male POV when it comes to our hair from time to time.

  • The Pretty Brown Girl says:

    Great post. I love getting a man's honest POV on this subject that we tend to obsess over.

    I actually LOL'd at the "brain surgery" anecdote. That was hilariousl

    www.dirtyprettythangs.com
    @thepbg

  • * Phylicia * says:

    LOL omgoodness, can I marry him? He's too cute. I truly appreciate his understanding with this whole hair thing!

  • Anonymous says:

    He's a cutie! In my wendy Williams voice "How you doin". LOL. That brain surgery comment was priceless!

  • Neems says:

    I like this post, he seems like a really dude. His comment amount brain surgery is hilarious, btw.

  • Passion says:

    Cool interview. The brain surgery comment is priceless. LOL!

  • Anonymous says:

    This was too cute, very informative. My boyfriend pretty much has the same insight. If it works for me he is good with it..BUT it is so refreshing to know that there are men out there who are not hung up on hair hanging down a woman's back. I think being natural is being bold and truly is a expression of freedom and a since of knowing who you are without outside validation.

    Denise
    Curls Infinty
    http://www.esined6200.wordpress.com

  • LBell says:

    One man, one man's opinion. Glad to hear it though…his SO is a lucky woman.

  • Anonymous says:

    I'm tryin to holla!

    lol@ stitches from brain surgery!!!!!!!!!!

  • Unknown says:

    Love this! Love his thoughtfulness on the subject and LOL @ the weave story. I know very few men who like weaves. After viewing Good Hair, it is clear that men like to be able to run their fingers thru their womans hair… And a weave hinders that moment to feel closer. He just reiterates that point.

  • CrystalJ says:

    Awesome segment! It's nice to hear what mean honestly think without negative criticism! Love it!

  • Kez says:

    Ha ha, how funny as mentioned above ref the track!
    To be fair, when I have had half weaves, my husband soon stops stroking my hair, he hates it to be honest, he said its not appealing stroking my hair, having a nice moment then getting stopped by a braid/weave – i have to agree lol.
    This guy seems pretty knowledgeable and decent in his opinions dont you think…!
    Might get my husband to answer these Questions…..! (He is in agreeance for sure on the shaved bit – which i happen to think can look cool!) xx

  • Michelle (Mick-Mick) says:

    OK. I just laughed at the weave track story. "I like a strong woman." LOL

  • Anonymous says:

    Very interesting. Always cool to get a male point of view on things. 🙂 ~KF519

  • Anonymous says:

    Brain Surgery LOL thats funny .

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