by West of Confessions of a Blog Vixen
Name: Naifys
Age: Not Disclosed
Geographical Location: Hollywood, California
Educational Background: B.A. Liberal Arts & Education
How important is hair to overall attractiveness? Specifically, which styles (down vs. ponytail vs. bun) and lengths?
There are a few things that I like and dislike. Hair (along with facial features) is definitely important in attraction. It’s important because that is the first thing you see. You can tell a lot about a woman based on her hair. I find women with short curly hair to be more attractive.
Do you feel there is a ‘Natural Hair Movement’ currently occurring? Why do you think so many women are going natural (i.e. Do you think most women want to make a statement or to just stop relaxing)?
Yes, I feel there is a natural hair movement. I like it because women are realizing hair products weigh you down and people are interested in what their hair texture really looks like. Also, with natural hair, it shows a woman’s facial structure. I think Cassie started something. She has women shaving the sides of their hair in liberation. Maybe she is training one side of her scalp. Lol.
Would you support your significant other if she decided to become natural?
Yes, I would support her because I like the edginess, texture, and the fact that I can run my fingers through it with no problems.
Are you able to tell the difference in textures of hair? If your significant other were to go natural, would the texture of her hair affect your opinion on whether she should remain natural or not?
Yes! If my girlfriend had a texture that I didn’t approve of, I would definitely let her know. She wouldn’t have to change anything, but I would let her know how I felt about it.
Do you like or dislike when your significant other changes her hair style often (i.e. wigs, weaves, braids, flat ironed, wash & go)?
I don’t like it because I feel as though she is abusing her hair and that she is disrupting the texture all the time.
Does the amount of time your significant other spends on her hair prove to be problematic?
I think it would be a problem if she wasn’t ready when it is time to go out.
How do you feel about the amount of money your significant other spends on her hair? Is there a point where the amount of money is a source of conflict? Is it acceptable for her to spend as much as she chooses as long as she looks fly?
It is acceptable as long as she has money to tend to her other business.
Do you think your significant other should consider your opinion when making decisions about her hair?
Yes she should. I’m not saying that she has to listen to me but she should still consider my opinion because we are together. Hair plays a lot of roles in a relationship …in and out of the bedroom J I say that to say this, sex is physical and I like to run my fingers through my significant other’s hair.
Why do you think women care about a man’s opinion when it relates to hair?
In a woman’s thought process, our opinion matters, so hair is just another entity because we are the ones that have to look at and like it. You can stay home with that bag on your head! Lol.
How do you view women that wear weaves? Can you tell the difference between natural hair and a weave?
Sometimes you can see a girl’s tracks and sometimes you can’t. It depends on the person that did it.
How do you feel about satin sleeping bonnets or any type of hair scarf?
I like hair scarves because it keeps a woman’s hair in place.
No. It doesn’t matter. I like both styles.
Well ladies, he clearly said : "I find women with short CURLY hair to be more attractive."
Not kinky, but CURLY.
So I wasnt surprised when he said:
"Yes! If my girlfriend had a TEXTURE that I didn’t approve of, I would definitely let her know. She wouldn’t have to change anything, but I would let her know how I felt about it."
"In a woman’s thought process, our opinion matters, so hair is just another entity because we are the ones that have to look at and like it. You can stay home with that bag on your head! Lol."
Ladies, lets just focus on accepting and loving our hair. Men never seem to need our approval when it comes to their hair.
We dont need theirs.
What I find interesting is that men expect women to take them as they are (balding, cock-eyed, gut over the pants, missing teeth) but then they want to have all these standards for us! I've been married for 4 years and turned 50 earlier this year and I keep my looks up! I have never and don't ever plan on asking any man for his opinion about what I want to do for myself. If forever reason they are/were attracted to me, it's my opinion, I must be doing something right otherwise…
Bottom line: Women just need to do things because they like it or want to not because they're trying to attract some man but I think since a lot of you beautiful ladies are 20 & 30 somethings, you might not have come to that conclusion yet, because with age comes wisdom!
Queenofthe4s: THANK YOU! Why are we bashing this man when he is clearly stating his love of sisters and their hair? He simply gave his opinion, which he is very much entitled to. D**ned if you do, d**ned if you don't. Give the man a break.
Two words sum up his response that we ALL are intitled to: PERSONAL PREFERENCE.
You read his interview because you wanted to know how he felt. Don't get mad because you didn't like what he had to say!
**Drops the mic..steps off the soapbox**
I agree with Zuree! Many of us are like little girls seeking approval. We ask random guys, "tell me, what do you think of my hair?" If he says good things, we feel all happy with ourselves. If the response is not too pleasant, then we get combative. It's not him that's the problem, it's us! We do not know anything about this guy or his background and somehow is opinions are able to bring forward an emotional response from so many women! No wonder people think that black women have issues!
Nice to have a different (read male) opinion on the site but he sounds a little ignorant. I understand he has a degree but that's another story.
A man's opinion on a woman's hair matters because they "have to look at it" he must be mad. That's so 50 years ago. Women are being liberated by letting go of the stereotypes and expectations that men like this gentleman have forced upon women for decades. If my hair is styled, clean and well kept and a man chooses not to spend time with me because the style is not suitable for Him, then I may not be the one with the problem since I am not defined by a man's opinion of my hair of all things. Just saying.
Thanks for sharing Nikki!
You shouldn't have to consult with your man/ any man— about wearing the hair God gave you. And if you do, that's sad. That is not nearly the same as growing dreads or getting a tattoo. This is not a cosmetic issue. We are talking about what you have been given from birth. No man predates that, nor should he have an opinion on it. Let's face it- he doesn't care about the impact the chemicals may have on your body, nor the impact weaves may have on your hair line. Long as he can run his fingers thru it, right? Gimme a break.
I agree that his opinions are his own. But I do NOT agree that we can't have an opionion about it. Not sure why so many are on that track?? I feel like men run much of what we do in this world. It's not WOMEN controlling many of the industries including fashion, trends in hair etc. It is only now that we are starting to see women in the game. And therefore, I feel like this is one area in which many of us are taking it back. Forgive me if we are passionate about it. Or better yet- don't. ~ Poetic
Why is everyone paying attention to what they assume is negative? How do we not know that when he says he likes to run his fingers through hair, he just means hair with little or no product, or hair without weaves? Stop assuming he's talking about kinky hair. I feel like too many women with kinky hair are extremely defensive with no actual reason to be. He's made a point that natural hair is preferred so what's the big deal here?
Hey at least he's being honest. I don't like men with long hair. I especially don't like them with locs. Ain't no thang but a chicken wing LOL
I didn't read in his original interview or in his rebuttal that he was "repulsed" by any texture of hair. He stated his preferences which include locs & u can't get any more natural than that. Maybe he likes kinky hair but in particular styles. And that is his preference. If he prefers light skinned women too, that would also be his preference.
Yes his response was a bit immature but I'm quite sure that is in response to some NASTY comments just like the ones posted here. And to say that women here were being "typical" & coddling somebody or defending him was another judgemental statement. It is our OPINION. Nobody spoke FOR him. I know how the internet can be. Things are misinterpreted. If I don't know someone & can't read their body language, I don't solely go by words on a screen b/c the tone of the words can be misinterpreted & misunderstood.
I am going to go out on a limb here & state my OPINION derived from my own observations that SOME black women & particularly those with natural hair can be quite defensive. Because of that, I'm more prone to give people the benefit of doubt & not jump to conclusions that they are attacking me & my hair. The defensiveness might be warranted due to the ignorance & negativity most of us have witnessed, but damn LET'S GET OVER IT! Not everyone is out to get us or force relaxers to our hair to make us conform.
And BTW one of my favorite things in the world is to have someone (especially a man I am into) run his fingers thru my hair & massage my scalp!
Why was this guy even featured? As soon as I read the 'texture I don't approve of' I would have hit the delete button. He's a disgrace to black men (or men in general) who accept our hair no matter the texture. His opinion either angered those of us who are confident with our hair or it scared a new transitioner into getting a retouch this weekend. Not useful. This isn't a good representation of ANYTHING this website is about. Utter fail.
What good is wanting a man's perspective if you only want to hear one side? It seems that a lot of women on here only want to see articles featuring men who LOVE natural hair! That is NOT reality and you all know it!
It blows my mind that one minute a man loves our hair and that makes us soooo happy, and sure of our choice to be naturals. The next man comes along and people post comments about how his opinion makes us black women feel inferior about our hair. Maybe YOU feel inferior about your natural hair but I do not.
I've never seen such *class-less* comments by a group of women over a man's OPINION. It's a nappy-licious bitch fest up in here. Nothing he said is LAW.
Get some SELF confidence and learn to not let this man's OPINION dictate how you feel about your hair.
It's time that we, as BLACK women define what is right. We can't do that if we are going to go jump *insecure* every time we get a comment that goes against something we stand for. It's about overcoming and proving these negative stereotypes and ignorance about natural hair by wearing it with pride, dignity and CONFIDENCE!!! damn what anyone else thinks!!!
I was actually ready to defend this guy and question the interview method (which I suspect consisted of e-mail questions that weren't followed up on or clarified)…and then I read all the comments, including his clarification. And now that I know for a FACT that what he prefers is so-called "good" hair, suddenly I've lost my desire to defend him. Imagine that!
I will say this: While he is entitled to his preferences, I hope that black women reading this who are thinking of going natural will understand that this is one man's opinion. Please don't let ONE MAN'S opinion sway you from going natural especially if you don't have the kind of hair he prefers. Plenty of us are out here with men who love our so-called "bad" hair.
This is why we should love our hair regardless of what anyone (man/woman/child/white/black) thinks about it.
Everyone was praising the guy in grad school who said he liked natural hair. This guy has his opinions about "textures" and everyone wants to roast him now…and come up with their own interpretations of what he *really* meant. No, take what he said and roll with it. Don't try to interpret what is written in plain English.
When you open the door to "perspectives" this is what you get. Deal with it. His opinions have not offended me or made me so insecure that I second guess my decision to be natural.
Zuree
I so agree with Anon 3:22. I don't understand the problem. He was asked questions he answered them. Most men don't know too much about hair anyway. He didnt seem to want to be offensive because right after the controversial comment he said he wouldnt ask her to change anything.
He was asked questions, he answered them. It is his right to express his thoughts and preferences. These are his opinions and does his opinion matter? NO, it should not because you are not involved with him in anyway, what he thinks should mean nothing to you because it is only his opinion which in the end is worthless. Leave that up to his partner to worry about. If we sit around concerning ourselves with what others think about us, we will surely go crazy! Acknowledge the differences and/ or ignorance and move on. When we decide to embrace ourselves as a whole with not a care in the world slowly but surely the world will get the picture so until then never concern yourself with what the anyone thinks of you, that's your job.
In the end we must learn to peacefully agree to disagree, express ourselves respectfully then move on. No need for any type of negativity.
Honestly, I really could care less what this brother thinks about my hair texture. I do not seek the approval of any man! He will either love me as I am or keep it moving! For all the ladies who inquired about this man's preferences as far as hair texture is concern, he mentioned that he prefers curly hair. Perhaps, he prefers loose curls. But again, who cares! I don't find him hot at all. LOL!
FIRST off homie isn't *EVEN* the bait. gtfo with that nonsense. LOL
SECOND..sure he's entitled to his opinion.everyone is. just sad that his opinions have to be ignorant as all hell.
Lol at the women defending this guy's opinion like they know him or he is worth it.
On the original site, here is his clarification on what he meant, transparent with no room for the typical black female coddling and nannying that goes on when a black man is just plain wrong: He is Distinguished Posture AKA Nafiys.
Distinguished Posture said…
hello followers
ok let me clear the smoke cause this is crazy … ladies don't feel bad not everybody has good hair today so i can see why you need a lot more extra .. lol my bad that was wrong.. You can have bad hair in this world today and be an outstanding person. Hair is something that you are blessed with long or short weaved or locked.. Yes im from Africa.. thank you .. The hair texture question i was confused so i just did my best @ trying to answer the question.. Thanks Vixen.. Textures i like are curly, wavy, straight, and locked .. Thanks 4 not voting for me didn't know this was a Contest anonymous Genius ..lmao .. Don't hate cause i got nice locs .. get in the corner .. Follow me @imodel thanks for your love and support .. shoutout to the haters and women with nice hair.. So what if i might not like it just as long your boo does you should be cool … My blog coming soon http://distinguished-posture.blogspot.com/ Ask me something else about hair
He doesn't have to like unloced tightly coiled hair but let's not defend his bashing and repulsion at those hair types. His interview and later rebuttal screamed immaturity and some of you sit there defending it and attack other women for chastising him. Foolish.
If he showed preference for light skin people would've hauled him over the coals.
Jennifer.
what you do should be discussed with your mate. doesn't mean that you have to do what he/she says but at least consider their feelings. if my boyfriend wanted to grow out his facial hair he'd better damn well get some input from me. i hate rough facial hair rubbing up on my face.
I agree with anonymous 1:06 and 3:22, I mean he's a dude. Can we not allow men to be men without becoming crazy feminist who analyze and pick apart everything they say with such venomn?
I think his answers were misunderstood. Hell, they were short and to the point like most men's responses and like most men women take the snippet and run with their interpretation of what me meant.
As for the picture, the crotch was a bit much, but I'll take that chest anytime. I like having the brothers in the discussion. But then again, I like men.
I don't mean to be anonymous but I can't log in. So this is signed Rhonda
Nikki, love the controversial posts & branching out to different topics… to me this created a great opportunity for discussion and that's just what you got!
I love Kasheaf's interview! http://www.confessionsofablogvixen.com/2010/10/his-confessions-kesheaf.html
wow I went to Highschool with this guy!!! Small World! LOL Anyway, good post.
I wish my husband would tell me he doesn't like the texture of my hair.
Anyway….its ok to hear a man's perspective every once in a while because I think that can open up some great cultural dialogue, but really, who cares?
Once upon a time, I used to make comments on Essence Magazine threads. I observed that whenever a man entered the conversation, women of color became down-right HOSTILE toward him, much like the responses to this interview. Women of color often complain about being stereotyped, but play directly into stereotypical images when they aren't able to receive an opinion without becoming defensive.
Interviewing a brother on this site has nothing to do with breaking some sacred feminist code (what was that rhetoric about? LMBO!). It has everything to do with creating an open, honest dialogue (something that is sorely missing in our communities) about how society has imposed it's standard of beauty on women of color. Having that conversation among women only won't reach the masses.
Rock on Curly Nikki for expanding your blog!
"…Yes! If my girlfriend had a texture that I didn’t approve of, I would definitely let her know. She wouldn’t have to change anything, but I would let her know how I felt about it…"
For some reason, I think he's a little misunderstood when it comes to this response, based on how the entire interview reads. I don't think he meant "texture" as in looser or tighter curl pattern. I actually think he probably meant to use the word "style". As in, if his significant other had a hairstyle that he didn't like very much, he would let her know how he felt. JMO.
One more note, since we are being candid here. I could really do without that man's photo and hope that wont become the norm around here. I dont want/need to see some man's half naked chest and crotch shoved in my face on this lovely site.
Completely agree with the comment posted at October 19, 2010 9:30 AM by
Anonymous.
Im just going to have to ignore these posts because they also disturb my feminist self, and more importantly detract from a website that I otherwise see as a pleasant safe space to enjoy and interact with other women.
Wow, this was an interesting perspective. Wondering if he had a certain texture in mind being that he wants to "run his fingers through" her hair, but not just any hair, but hair that has texture he approves of. What texture would that be? Inquiring minds want to know?? I'm really hoping he didn't quite understand the context of the question, especially knowing it would be featured on a site for natural hair! LOL.
To me this who article sounds like the OP pulled some random dde off the street and asked a bunch of questions about a subject he really doesn't care too much about. Half the time he didnt answer the question fully and in the end he says he doesn't care whether your hair is relaxed or natural, so what was the point??
Its not his opinion that bothers me, its the fact that he clearly doesn't have one either way and was just basically answering the questions being asked, like he was taking a survey or something there was no "confession".
It's ok that he doesn't really have an opinion, a lot of people don't I just think for this type of article you need someone who does.
Interesting interview. I hear what the interviewee is saying but…
I didn't really consult my SO during my transition but I did mention it to him. (Looking back, I'm not so sure he understood what I was talking about or even necessarily cared.)
I big chopped a few weeks ago, then got my hair braided because I, I repeat "I", was uncomfortable with how I looked. (I hadn't EVER had my hair this short and the change was very drastic for me.) Then I got curious and a week later I took out the braids, got my TWA shaped and haven't looked back. I LOVE MY HAIR!!!
My SO's only question to me was why I got it cut so short and it generated a deeper discussion. I will say I was worried about his reaction but looked at it from the perspective that if he loves me he'd love me anyway–hair, almost no hair, or no hair at all and if he left on account of it he had deeper issues anyway and he may not be a fit for me.
I took a chance and that risk may not be for everybody. I have noticed that he plays in my hair more now than he EVER did while it was relaxed. I think it's because he views it as different, touchable and he doesn't have to worry about "messing it up"-lol. (It probably helps that I'm confident and comfortable with my hair and how it looks.)
And Naifys opinion is only one man's opinion. Thanks for the interview, but for me, I take it as a grain of salt.
WE DONT HAVE MEN CAUSE THEY ALL WANT SOMEONE WHO THEY CAN EASILY RUN THEIR FINGERS THROUGH THEIR HAIR!!!
IE. NOT MY BLACK ASS AND MY KINKY HAIR
This is why black women don't have no men! You calling him ignorant because he's answering the friggin' question. Grow up ladies.
Damn, he's fine as hell. He could run his finger through my curls anytime.
I think everyone is entitled to their opinions and he has his. Anyone who is comfortable with her natural self will not be offended by this, because again, it is his opinion. If he doesn't understand the natural aspect from a woman's point of view, don't dog him, teach him.
SN: He is a sexy thang though. I can't help but quote Coming to America, "give it up for sexy chocolate!"
*as, sorry ya'll typo. – micaiahty
ROTFL, you know, this is the 3rd dude we have beaten up on Curlynikki's site. While i respect his opinion, we was women are going to do what we are going to do. I have pampered, cried, prayed over these curls and if my man had a problem with my hair texture that is his problem.
Dudes are dudes ya'll. I think he meant well….bless his heart.. LOL.
I was all for last week's opinion on natural hair, but I have to agree with the ladies on this one, that this guy is a little superficial and ig'nant. PinkGirlFluff is correct; when natural hair is taken care of properly it is beautiful!
I agree with the users who stated that perhaps he didn't fully understand some of the questions, because some of his answers seemed contradictory. In any case, I do think he brought up two very important points:
1. "I think it [time spent on hair] would be a problem if she wasn’t ready when it is time to go out." I had to lol at that one because it's so true!
2. "I’m not saying that she has to listen to me but she should still consider my opinion because we are together." As a married woman, I totally agree. I definitely talked it over with my husband and considered his opinion before beginning the transition last Christmas. And I know he would do the same for me before doing something to significantly alter his appearance, like getting a tattoo or growing locs.
I was totally feeling this post up until this point:
Question: Are you able to tell the difference in textures of hair? If your significant other were to go natural, would the texture of her hair affect your opinion on whether she should remain natural or not?
Answer: "Yes! If my girlfriend had a texture that I didn’t approve of, I would definitely let her know. She wouldn’t have to change anything, but I would let her know how I felt about it."
Fail.
Seriously dude?? I mean forget what he's saying…who really cares?? It's your hair and yours only. If somebody doesn't like your hair then Oh well. But on a side note….his pic made me laugh. ( I just took another look and laughed again). He needs to go sit down!! (Well he is sitting down…so please face the wall and don't participate in anymore interviews to get your your 5 seconds of fame).
That is all.
Come on y'all!
You know what he meant about "texture"…you've seen natural folks with dry, hard, "ashy" hair, with the nerve to be twisted out (I guess) with a headband, looking like an old-need-to-be-tossed sponge. Now THAT texture is not hot! LOL And if I was walking around like that…I would hope my man would say something!
Then again, I think it's unfair to use the word "texture". Does everyone have a clear understanding of what it means? To a dude, texture most likely means…real hair or fake hair. Just because he has dreads (as the pic shows) doesn't mean he's deep!
Like he said…long as she looks presentable, doesn't spend ALL her money on products, is ready when it's time to go, and will let him play in her hair when it's freaky time…he wouldn't care if it's natural or a good weave.
But, then again, this is just my opinion! LOL
TheRYL1
OMG ladies he's just expressing his opinion, I think if the interviewee wasn't so easy on the eyes, you ladies probably would not comment. If you don't know this brotha who cares what he thinks!
I tried going the natural route three times, either I did not know how to properly do it or it's just not for me. I really liked how my natural hair was full and thick. And guys I swear my scalp even seemed to be a little happier.
But I went back to the creamy crack and I love weaves. I might try it again, this time I am going to cut all my hair off and start over.
Oh yeah dude can CGI
Lol. To be honest, I don't know why I even read this because the only male's opinion I even remotely care about regarding my hair is my husband! I just get excited when I see new posts on this site. Love CN! Haha. But, since I'm here…
I laughed out loud when he said "sex is physical and I like to run my fingers through my significant other’s hair." Why? Because I tried to imagine my husband trying to run his fingers through *my* hair and getting his fingers stuck!!! Lol. That's what would happen. And that's why he doesn't even try! I've never even had to tell him not to, he just knows. Don't get me wrong, he can pull and tug on it if he feels so inclined… LMAO!!!!
I will say this: I don't know if it's because my husband is white, but he is honestly intrigued with my hair. He loves it. He will randomly come up and pat my puff or pull a curl or twist just to watch it spring back. The only opinion he's really expressed is that he likes it better now that it's gotten longer. And I have to agree! I love long hair and I'm glad it's growing out (though sometimes I miss the ease of my TWA). And I'm glad he loves that I love my hair. 🙂
"Yes! If my girlfriend had a texture that I didn’t approve of, I would definitely let her know. She wouldn’t have to change anything, but I would let her know how I felt about it."
ignorant shit like this is why I don't give a damn what a man has to say about my hair
next thing you know he is gonna say he doesn't approve of my skin color
Well, if you all don't want to keep getting ignorant opinions on your hair from strangers, maybe you should stop asking! Just a thought. Or were you hoping that all the opinions would be of the warm fuzzy kind?
uh… no. He sounds like a dick, no offense… wait yea, a lot of offense because this is the kind of thing that make black women feel inferior or feel like they need to have a certain texture of hair to be accepted. How ever he meant it he doesn't have the right to tell anyone what is "acceptable" when its not growing out of his head!
The fact that…. He wants to run fingers throught hair… UM
MY TEXTURE IS 4/b lol… I can't even run a comb through this Head without it being wet!!
and its still a struggle then lol!
His answers are IGNORANT but his opinion.. If I am going natural who ever doesn't accept it I don't need to be around… Including my SIGNIFICANT OTHER!
I just want a Black man to understand what STRENGTH it takes to Go against what society has put in the atmosphere as beautiful, for a BLACK WOMAN!
No I am not wearing 12 inch Yaky, Not my curls aren't loose and just so easy to run your fingers through… ITS NAPPY AND KINKY AND I LOOOOVEEEEEEEEE IT!!!
🙂 lol..
Holy Hot Chocolate!
@ Anon 9:39: Glad someone else is in my boat!! Fingers running through my hair, umm no!
@Anon 10:03 LOL, Its a shame, isn't it
Poor fool, he stuck his foot all in his mouth, possibly touching his tonsils. I am not sure what he means by texture, maybe he means style ?? But how can you "approve" of a texture?
And I don't know about anyone else, maybe because I'm still transitioning, but nary a finger will run through my hair, and the way it seems, it seems like that is just going to be my texture/thickness.
Boy Bye! All that chocolate gone to waste.
I respect this guys opinion. He is entitled and somewhere out there is the woman who esteems him and his opinion higher than her creator. There is an ongoing trend where men think they get to dictate OUR look. Black and white. It has existed for centuries. It rears it's ugly head in this bit of dialogue. If only they put as much effort into having the look WOMEN want to see- inward and outward. Just another one way street.
I agree with kimmie0810 and think he (or we) misunderstood "texture" because "approve" doesn't seem appropriate in this context. His answer to the next question makes me think he doesn't "approve" of women changing or damaging their texture, not their texture itself. IDK and I don't want to spend too much time analyzing it but I also don't think he should be maligned for a misunderstanding if it's just that. But if that's what he really meant then at least he's honest. I still enjoyed the post.
Sorry but he's still not running his fingers through my hair, lol, definitely not now that it's natural. Nope. Now in the shower, maybe, only after it's been detangled…..
I was so with him up until the disliking hair texture question, mmmhmmm whatever dude…
I'm going to echo what other's have said. I just…. find myself not caring about these pieces that have to do with what men think– really what anyone other than myself– thinks about my hair. Regardless of how his opinions align with mine, I just… don't care. It's not your hair, it's not your body, it's not your life and to request pieces like this only reinforces for women, particularly women of color, that we are up for evaluation and judgement by everyone; that we are privy to these opinions; and worst of all, that these opinions need to have some sort of weight in our lives; these opinions are validations or invalidations of who we are. I'm just over it. Who cares if some guy somewhere doesn't like my natural hair? or, does? Why do I care? Why should I care? Why is this a relevant and viable topic of conversation? I most appreciate this blog when it's centered and focused on who we are and who we want to be, when your words breed positivity and self- love rather than…. when we highlight people whose purpose and intent is to objectify, judge, etc. I'm all for others' opinions but I just feel as though these things have no place in this safe- place. Moreover, my inner feminist is screaming that no male- centered website ever asks women what our preferential styles of hair or dress are for men. No one sits and nitpicks men in this way. It's really not constructive and again, I just feel as though even presenting these pieces introduces the idea that we NEED validation from others, that we SHOULD care about everyone else's opinions of our bodies…. when in reality, that's the exact opposite of the ideas we should [or I thought we were] support and promote.
Tia I agree with u. I wouldn't mind my SO telling me when he does & doesn't like my hair, make-up, clothing, etc. That's his opinion & I'd gladly take it into consideration & not wear a particular style or outfit when I'm going to be with him.
I think it's the word "approve" that was kind of odd to me. I wouldn't seek a man's approval about something as trivial as hair. I don't particularly care for long hair or locs on a man but if I liked HIM then I wouldn't care. It's not for me to approve or disapprove; but I can have my own opinion & so can he.
Alicia H: I agree with you on that. He sound a tad ignorant and by his picture a tad hypocritical too. I mean I have boy friend who is white and texture was never a big deal, he been supportive through most my phases (he actually met me after I stopped perming). I man can have his opinion but it hard to respect it when it seems it might be ignorant and even worst hypocritical.
I don't think he "understood" that particular question. Or we are not understanding his answer. How can u not "approve" of texture like it's something a person can help. I mean I guess a woman can get a relaxer to change the texture but really, how can a person not "approve" of the texture of another person's hair??
I'm thinking he didn't mean it the way it sounded. At least I hope not lol.
And we are "assuming" he meant disapproving of her natural texture. Maybe he wouldn't approve of a relaxer. Or the texture of particular weaved style she has. Given the fact that he has locs & the tone of his other answers, I think there's more behind that particular answer than him "disapproving" of a hair texture.
Over the years I have noticed a lot of women take that "strong black woman" stance and do what they feel no matter what anyone thinks. However, when anyone else takes this stance they get bashed like they are not entitled to their opinion or feelings. My hubby tells me what he doesn't like and I tell him what I don't like. We communicate our true feelings and that is not a bad thing. Great interview Naifys!
@ Anon. 8:49 am: I believe he understood the questions, he's just giving his honest opinion. I don't like some of his answers either, but they are his opinions. I can respect that.
If my girlfriend had a texture that I didn’t approve of, I would definitely let her know
I'm sorry I didn't know my God-given texture had to meet a man's approval. Humph
hmmmm…interesting.
Alicia, that comment stuck out to me too!
DISLIKE
..some of his answers sound slightly ignorant..
perhaps he didn't fully understand the questions..
BTW my "Do you boo" is directed towards the male with the interesting opinions, not you Alicia. I think you hit the nail on the head!
Co-signing with Alicia! Yet, people are entitled to prefer what they prefer. Some people have curls, some have kinks, some have both. But I have yet to understand how a person's God given hair texture can be unattractive if it is well maintained. To each his or her own. I got my piece of man candy so I'm not hating but if a sista was interested she'd be a little sour. lol. j/k. Do you boo!
Women should value their opinion about their hair over anyone else's. I'm kind of tired of talking about how some people feel about hair that isn't even on their heads.
>Yes! If my girlfriend had a texture that I didn’t approve of, I would definitely let her know.
>>Wow! I appreciate your opinion but what a statement. How can you not approve something that is natural; we as women cannot control/alter our hair texture without the use of chemicals and that can be damaging. IJS