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Curly Nikki

May I Touch Your Hair?

By January 27th, 202156 Comments
May I Touch Your Hair?credit: Le Coil

Morgan writes:

Do you allow people to touch your hair?

I know that back when I had a perm and especially extensions in, I didn’t want anyone with their hands all up in my hair, running about, feeling for tracks etc. But since I BC’ed, people seem to have an even greater fascination with my hair and want to touch it. What do you do when people ask?

Nik responds: I do, as long as their motives are genuine and I’m in a good mood. Whenever I run into a CN reader out and about, one of the first requests after discussing which products were used that day, is to touch my hair. Most times, I ask to touch her’s right back! Now, if I’m at the club and some random dude asks (while I may be flattered, lol), the answer is ‘hells no’ 🙂


  • efacookie says:

    I havnt had anyone ask they just stare but once i start school i expect alot of ohhhhs and ahhha and can i touch it or just feeling fingers in it lol

  • BargainClipper says:

    Even though, I would find it a little bit weird for a stranger to want to touch my hair, I'll probably let HER, if we were in the BSS or salon (my hair is off-limits to guys other than my DH; he probably wouldn't want some other male's hands in my tresses and I'm just not comfortable with "mens hands in my hair, a'ight" SMH). I don't mind women I know to touch my hair. Some just feel the need to touch it. It always makes me giggle because I don't see them wanting to touch others hair. I just think they are curious about my hair. I would definitely let the little ones touch my hair because they need to see "curlies" happy with their hair. Now, if I had a male stylist, my DH would get over it because he knows how I feel about stylists with my hair (Even though, I don't have one currently. I get into "hair" relationships with my hair stylists, no matter if they are male or female; it's a commitment between my hair and their skillful hands… I (hair) do LOL).

  • Anonymous says:

    My people ask me this all the time! I say "Sure, go ahead!!" I know they're fascinated and curious all at the same time, and they also just like to feel my hair. I'm one of the only naturalies in our environment, so I think my hair is an inspiration for some.
    Strangers don't ask me this, probably because I don't tend to look approachable if I don't know you.

  • Anonymous says:


    Quoting Anonymous October 25, 2010 4:50 PM

    "…I may ask about the cleanliness of their hands first…"

  • Renise B says:

    I all about ask first. I do have a coworker whom I think has a favorite curl b/c she pulls it to watch it spring back whenever I wear a wash and go. A stranger touched my hair once and I went off on her. I was in a BSS helping a friend pick out a wig. She apparently thought my hair was a wig and yanked at it "trying to figure out what type of hair it was." That made me mad for 2 reasons. One, you yanked on my hair, not touched by yanked, from behind me w/o permission. Two, your excuse was you thought it was a wig…so you intentionally tried to yank my wig off in public. That's a no no amongst wig wearers and she knew that. Smh. Ignorance at it finest.

  • Shake says:

    oh yea and you BETTER ASK FIRST. ew!!!!

  • Shake says:

    Funny cause my initial response to myself (well i said it out loud lol) after reading the title was "hell no!"

    But then I remembered that sometimes I do. I have to read people's sincerity and energy before I allow their fingers (and therefore THEIR energy!) to get caught up the electric web of my hair. Hair carries some of the greatest concentration of energy on our body and I don't just want any type of energy walking around with me!! But yea I'm with Nik, I have to read their motives first and go from there. If it doesn't seem weird at all and feels like it will help them on their journey or educate some how then by all means sis. go ahead!

  • C&S says:

    I agree with the general consensus…ASK first.

    Honestly, I prefer strangers to just admire/compliment, WANT to touch it, but never get up the nerve to ask and keep it moving lol, some random person up in my hair is just weird all the way around.

    Friends and loved ones are cool, and if me and said stranger are in some sot of conversation first, I'm more likely to let them, but no one, and I repeat NO ONE is allowed to dig in my hair, ugh I can't stand that.

    I said you can touch not fluff my curls and give me a scalp massage.

  • The Urban Wifey says:

    I love when my hubby touches my hair…and of course he never asks. I haven't had anyone else ask to touch…I just get a lot of stares now and whispering. I've been natural for 3 months. If I were to get the question I probably would allow. But I wouldn't want someone to do it without asking. That's like invading my privacy.

  • Anonymous says:

    I have had a problem with impolite people NOT asking in the first place. They get a scolding and/or a scowl.

    Polite people who ask are usually allowed to touch my hair, but they can't play in it. I may ask about the cleanliness of their hands first.

  • Ashleigh L.A. says:

    I don't mind when family or friends touch my hair. It's cool. But as for strangers, ask. That's all. I don't want some random hands in my head.

  • Breanna says:

    Yeah I had this one coworker who happened to be white, just up and put her hands into my locs. Then goes to state girl it's time to get that hair redone. Now mind you I gave her the stank eye look, and said yes I know that I need to get it done but that I wasn't in a hurry. In my mind I was saying to myself this bugeyed heifer done put her hands in my hair like we family and such. Then come to find out after chatting with another coworker who is black that this persons husband is black. So I guess she felt since she was married to a black guy for over 12 years that gave her the right to be so friendly in my hair "Not". I like for a person to ask if they can tounch my hair, whether its family or friends,strangers,associates. If you do it w/o asking I will give you the evil look and go off on you for it no matter your age.

  • Anonymous says:

    I don't mind people wanting to touch my hair as long as they ask first. I have this co-worker who I try to avoid because every time she sees me, she rubbing her hands all over my hair. That irritates the hell out of me and I admit, she's kinda creepy lol.

  • Anonymous says:

    I don't want anyone touching my hair without permission. Ladies do it more then men. It's an invasion of personal space for me and that can only be with permission.

  • Sherri says:

    Ok this was right on time!! Even tho I bc'd in April, I hid my hair with weaves all summer. Today was my first time rocking my TWA into work. I expected comments and was ready for that. What I did not expect was for everyone to instantly reach and want to touch! I guess as a black woman i've seen so many different types of hair that i'm not at all interested in touching someone else's head. But these people are all over my hair today. I figure today i'll give a free pass, but after this back the hell up with all that! And like anon 10:11 said, one lady asked did it feel like brillo. In my head I said b**** please! But then i let her touch it just to dispell that nonsense. It's gonna be a long day:/

  • Anonymous says:

    "You can't touch this"

    Anyone who touches my hair without my permission has violated my personal space. They have boundary issues that they need to address, with the help of professional counseling.

    I am not an exhibit for their education, amusement and entertainment.

  • C(Squared) says:

    I dunno…I have a thing about personal space. I don't care for strangers asking me to touch my hair. Children are cool but adults, NO. Outside of family, I think it is somewhat rude to ask and pet someone's hair, let alone to just reach out and touch? NO!

  • Anonymous says:

    Wow, I can't believe people are so bold to touch people's hair without asking! Thankfully I haven't had that happen to me (but maybe I should say "it hasn't happened to me yet".) When I BC'd, my cousin asked if she could touch it. Other than that, it's only been my hubby who puts his hands in it. ~KF519

  • bludini1 says:

    U definately should ask. I had a stranger touch my hair a few weeks ago. He didn't just lightly touch it, he raked his hands threw my hair and said "ooh I loves curls" and just walked away. It was uncomfortable.

  • Anonymous says:

    It depends. One of my coworkers said my hair looked like tough wool…wow…so, I told him to touch it as a "hands on" learning experience because my hair is oh so SOFT.

    I don't like people touching my hair PERIOD because I'm anal about anyone messing it up. However, if anyone asks, then I will surely allow them to. But the minute they dig their hands too deep or pull on my curl, the touching is OVER.

  • HairPolitik says:

    I don't know. This is still a tough one for me. I spend so much time trying to clean my hair and care for it and then someone wants to touch it? I figure some soul will come along and be generous enough to afford them the fabulous privilege of touching 4C KINKY hair and then they can rub hand gook all through that sisters mane, lol. I usually take it on a case by case basis (if it is a child asking I usually can't resist letting them touch it) but for the most part my answer is usually no. Not to be too dramatic, but it sort of makes me feel like a petting zoo. One of my white friends reached over and just grabbed my hair when I went natural. Although she was sincerely curious, I felt a bit violated. So, I guess the golden rule is DEFINITELY ask first, lol.

  • Ms. Sassy says:

    I get people to ask to touch my hair all the time, but it usually doesn't bother me much. Its funny because they are usually of a different race. Very fascinated by the texture.

  • JazBNatural says:

    i have never cared about people touching my hair. My little brother today (who is 3) got really close to me and said in the sweetest voice "jaz, can i touch your hair?" and then he slowly rubbed it and stared at it like he was in love with it. it was sooo cute. he isnt the type of kid who notices people's hair, so i took it as a compliment.
    I would never go around feeling strangers' heads, but I dont mind if someone touches mine. Some people (black and white) are just "hands-on" types. I dont think it should always be taken as they think they are entitled or anything. Maybe some do think that, but I think most are genuinely interested when it is paired with compliments and questions about what products were used and all that good stuff.

    Looking back, no one has ever asked to touch my hair, they just do it, but its usually friends or family. I have never had a stranger just touch it or even ask to touch it. Maybe I would feel differently if it happened to me a lot, so idk!

  • Anonymous says:

    My fiance loves to touch my hair. Just randomly we'll be standing near each other and his hands are in my hair. He's learned to not touch my hair when it's wet though.

  • Anonymous says:

    OMG! I am so glad this topic surfaced. When I initially big chopped, people (especially those of the caucasian persuasion)were intrigued with my hair. I had a work aquaintance take it upon herself (without asking) to run her fingers through my hair and say and I quote "Oh, it's so soft" UGGGHHH. I had to take a moment to compose myself because I felt the Sha-na-na coming out. I simply asked her, well what did you expect? Please next time show respect for my personal space and my body and ask before you touch, I would never do that to you. I know she was embarrassed cause she apologized profusely. Although, I felt sort of bad for putting her on blast like that at the same time, I was livid that she would make such an insensitive and ignorant comment.

  • Ashlee says:

    im really picky about my hair, sometimes when i am in a good mood and i have my hair out (which is rare) and someone just wants to see how soft it is then sure! but if their are tugging and pulling and saying negative things about natural hair i will look and walk the other way, cus i dont have time to go off on someone about my hair! lol

  • Anonymous says:

    I hateeeeeeeeeeeee it when people touch my hair. If it is curly then they make it frizzy and if it is straight they make it frizzy too!

    I hate it! I do not touch anyone or their hair. I find it a little invasive and rude.

  • Anonymous says:

    It doesn't really bother me it they ASK!

    I had a very odd experience in the streets of New Orleans a couple months ago…a caucasian woman seemed oddly facinated with my natural hair. I was unable to determine if her facination was genuine or mocking. Either way I remained friendly. Before I could make my "get away", she reached out and touched, rubbed, felt up my poor defenseless head. I looked at her in shock and her husband (probably unsure of my reaction to the touch) grabbed her hand and attempted to blame her touching on those good ol' New Orleans Bourbon Street daiquiris!!!

  • SaBrina says:

    For those that are looking for natural hair styles for their wedding, and different twists, double strand twists check out these that I found. Just click on styles since they have it broken down by this.

    I don't like for my hair to be touched, even asked. I have thick coarse hair, and don't feel like hurting anyones hands lol.

  • Anonymous says:

    Haha! When I was little, people used to ask to touch my hair all the time, but when I got my hair relaxed, that all kind of stopped. Now that my hair is natural again, people wanna touch it again! I know it bugs some people, but I kind of like it. 🙂

  • Tiffany says:

    Wow that's nutso. While I may commend a sista on her beautiful hair I would never ask to touch a complete strangers head. That's like someone touching a pregnant belly of a stranger or someone touching your child because they think they are cute.

    Peace, Love and Chocolate

  • SmilingElephant says:

    Lol!!! I am both a victim of this and guilty of doing this….i really only touch my sister's hair bc she's natural and i just love the way it feels and she inspired me to go ahead and transition.

    It just reminds me one day i'll have it too 🙂 and i know its annoying to her but sometime i just can't help it! Lol…it's so beautiful!!

  • TiAnna Mae says:

    Since I'v been natural for the most 3 weeks, no one has asked to touch my TWA. When I was relaxed, people would ask to touch my hair ALL the time. As most have said, I think most people are just genuine and curious, so in that case, I wouldn't mind them touching my hair. Anyone with ill motives or an evil spirit, is not allowed in my head.

  • Lori says:

    It doesn't bother me if people touch my hair. No one asks…ever. They just reach up and grab a curl or a few curls and comment on how soft and springy it is. Not a problem.

    In fact, I'd say it's less of an issue now that I'm natural than it was when I was relaxed. I think the difference is when I wore my hair relaxed I would leave the house with it styled and I didn't want it to move…it was hairsprayed to within an inch of it's life and I didn't care for it to "shift". But even then I never became upset about it. I didn't mind if they touched the back, which was long and straight, but I didn't want them touching the sides or top which were feathered in my best Farrah Fawcett imitation.

    Being natural has freed me from a lot of hangups. LOL

  • Chocolate Mom aka Blupoetres says:

    That is too funny!! Now that I'm doing the natural thang I agree that more people are trying to touch my hair and see how it feels.

  • Jeannette says:

    Thank goodness that the people who ask to touch my hair are people I don't mind LOL LOL LOL. People frequently ask to touch my hair and I kindly oblige :). As long as they ask, I'm fine with them touching my hair.

  • Anonymous says:

    I agree with Anonymous @3:54pm – with me, it all depends on what I have on my hair. I have bad hair and good hair days because I'm still test-driving new products.

    Even though the shine and color may be poppin' on my 4c, I don't like people touching when I have "hard hold" products in it.

  • Anonymous says:

    I was in church and the lady in back of me put her hand threw my hair. Well I have a problem with that PLEASE ASK before you touch anyone hair.

  • Dark&Lovely says:

    I LOVE when people touch my hair!!! I HATE when they don't ask but touch anyways! My boyfriend
    LOVES my curly hair 🙂 It's an AFROdisiac. . .lol

  • Anonymous says:

    It can annoy the crap out of me. At the same time, my hair feels so great so I am not afraid like I was when it felt like straw. It really depends on the person. I had one woman at work pull on my hair like she thought it was a weave and would come off! That was kind of funny actually! The longer I go, the less it bothers me. But again, it's probably who asks. swoodward

  • Alisa says:

    I love when people are curious and ask to touch my hair. Since I've been in Peru (study abroad) I have alot of people asking to touch my hair. I have a guy friend who really loves it. I can feel his stare before he reaches to touch it everytime. lol. The only thing I don't like is when I let one person touch it and then the 10 people around decide to dig in too!

  • Anonymous says:

    If people ask I will normally be ok with it which doesn't happen often. My daughters friend (9yrs old) on the other hand comes to my house and attacks my head. All I hear is "curlies" and I know to grab her hands because she will not just touch but shake my curls. I know both of my daughters (9 & 4) always have classmates wanting to play with/touch their hair.

  • Anonymous says:

    Don't like people touching my hair; but if they do ask, I might consider it depending on my mood and who it is…but generally it's a no.

  • octobercurls says:

    I have had a few of my guy friends just reach & dig into my hair w/o asking. They seem to be facinated with my texture. While I don't mind eventually, I do have the first instinct to elbow them in the chin (I hope my reflexes do not eventually cause me to connect to thier chin LOL). Women however, seem to know to ASK first. Friends- I don't mind as much BUT I have had random strangers (dudes) want to feel my hair. One guys was standing right next to his girl! Anyway, for me it depends on my frame of mind, my hair (cuz if it is FLY I can't blame anyone) and who is asking.

  • Anonymous says:

    I've been natural for almost 4 years now. The first year or two I didn't have many people asking, but once my 3c/4a hair reached armpit length I now have plenty of people asking to touch it and inquiring about the products I use. My daughter told me the kids at her predominately caucasian elementary school have asked her (4b) as well. I'm fine with it as long as they ask…it's just curiosity for the most part. It's when they don't ask that annoys me!!


  • Bee Michelle says:

    I don't mind if they ASK. Now I have been at the bar and this guy seemed to only be interested in my "look". He asked to touch my hair & I said 'ummm ok'.

    I also have random women ask to touch it out & about.. & ladies' I've gone to school with who haven't seen me since graduation when I had relaxers & weave who dont believe that its MY hair & not added pieces.

    Bottom line, I LOVE my hair & I love when people seem interested in my hair & want to feel it.

  • GGmadeit says:

    I don't mind and I am often asked. I don't know what is expected, but I lean forward and let them have at it!

  • Enitan says:

    i often indulge when people ask, but i recently blew a gasket when some lady stuck her hands in my hair without asking, she was standing behind me and i didn't see it comming..i was soooo mad! lol..

  • crissyq says:

    I would be flattered if someone asked. Thats the key, please ask me. LOL

  • Jenell : BlakIzBeautyful says:

    I love people touching my hair!

  • ntrlbeauty79 says:

    I've never had anyone ask to touch my hair… if they did ask I would not mind. I get the people that just come up to me and do it and it annoys the hell out of me!

  • Anonymous says:

    if they ask nicely…i let them touch my hair…
    That happened to me for the first time at a club last saturday….a brother was like : " i don't want to seem ignorant but can i please touch your hair?"…
    I said sure…

  • Anonymous says:

    I don't mind letting people touch my hair. However I don't like it when they don't even ask but just do it!

  • Nyla Coils says:

    Used to be funny about this. Lately, I have gotten used to a stranger asking. Recently, I had a transitioner ask alot of questions. When she asked, I did something out of character…I leaned towards her hand and said "Sure!"
    I love for my guy to put his hands through! He loves it, too!

  • Anonymous says:

    Its hard to explain but I think hair touching is part of intimacy and I reserve that for my husband, so no stranger touching.

  • Anonymous says:

    I find natural hair to be some sort of phenomenon for people which brings a smile to my face but also confusion to my thoughts because I do not understand why it is. It's hair possibly hair that is still not as popular as straight styles so I guess that is why. If anyone wants to touch my hair I certainly would ask if I can touch theirs as well, including people who have straight hair, my hair is not a freak show attraction or something so I will want to touch their hair back as well.

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