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Curly Nikki

‘Is That Your Hair?’- Flattered or Offended…

By January 27th, 202159 Comments

'Is That Your Hair?'- Flattered or Offended...
Bionca writes:

I usually do my on Twist-n-Curl with shea butter and come out with decent, not stellar results. I decided to visit a multi-textural salon to see what my hair could do. My stylist achieved a perfect twist-out using a mixture of Afroveda Pur Whipped Gelly and Totally Twisted Ginger Almond Butter. I released the twists four days later and loved the results! People had mixed reactions– most stared, while others voiced their opinions, both good and bad. I received a lot of questions about my hair, but the one that surprised me a little was, “Is that your hair?”

Have you been asked that question? Were you flattered or offended?

59 Comments

  • Ren says:

    Offended!!! Today this black lady came to my register to check out and kept staring at my hair. My hair is naturally curly..really really defined curls, and it's brown with highlights which compliments my skin tone very well. When i looked at her and smiled after she had been starring at my hair for so long, she whispered "Where did you buy your hair and what is the name of the brand!?" What the hell! She could have at least asked if it was a weave instead of just assuming that it was. I just calmly replied:" oh no girl this is all my hair!" She was just like "oh" (as though she didn't believe me) and walked away…
    B*tch!

  • Taylor says:

    Yah I wanna see more pictures to make my decision

  • Anonymous says:

    I get a lot of "is that all your hair?" which I've gotten since I was a kid. It gets offensive when it's followed by "what are you mixed with?"

    The first question I don't mind but the second one I find rude. Especially when people argue and say "black people don't have hair like that." I've never had to explain that I'm Black to non-Blacks. I'm brown skinned, so I find it ridiculous that anyone would want me to jusify why I have curls!

  • Anonymous says:

    Many times. A woman even asked me this at a formal dinner. She asked if my hair was real, and upon finding out that it was she was like, "Oh, I thought it was a weave." In front of everyone. Thanks lady. -_-

  • Anonymous says:

    This question doesn't offend me much. However, I wonder if the person actually believes you're going to flat out tell them it's weave…

    Hands down it's a compliment, but it's a little uncomfortable to answer. Is it necessary to know the details of the style inorder to tell us they like our hair?

  • kimmie0810 says:

    Bianca, Please contact me. I'd like to know more about the illustration for an upcoming project I have.

    The Universe sure lines things up at the divine right times!!

    Kimberlie0810@aol.com

  • Anonymous says:

    till this day i tell them no it's naturally grown weave and the look on their faces is like HUH?!? 🙂 and futhermore, my people always told me i wasnt to let anyone touch my hair "cah you neva know a wah kinda obeah(voodoo) dem ah deal wit, na." gotta love jamaicans!!! so, touching my hair was and still is a no no.

  • cocofiere says:

    I've gotten that for years. Even when weaves weren't the norm (like when I was in HS in the late 80's/early 90's) people would debate whether my hair was all mine while standing behind me in the grocery store….until my mother informed them it was. LOL
    The only thing that gets annoying is when they say "Oh, you must be mixed" or in some other way question my ethnicity. It's amazing how many people are ignorant to the fact that we come in ALL shades and hair textures even with two Af-Am parents, grandparents, great-grandparents, etc. I find those comments to be culturally insensitive. I pray for them and keep it movin'.

    However, I block (& darn near swat if necessary) any hand that reaches for my hair without my permission. Simply because that is uncalled for and rude.

  • Anonymous says:

    I love when people ask me this question. Their reactions when I grab their hand and thrust it into my fabulous fro is priceless. Then I follow up with a "Sorry, you can't buy this kind of fabulous in any store."

  • ShakLand says:

    Now if someone asks me if that's all my hair, and then proceeds to reach their hands into my hair (that has happened), then I get offended and I say "don't do that" – real straight-faced.

  • ShakLand says:

    Regardless of whether someone means it as a compliment or not (because there have been times when I've interpreted that question as 'you need to do something with all of that hair'), I look the person in the eye and say "Yes it is!" I think it's funny, but with the exception of the few months after I gave birth to my son almost 10 years ago I've always had a lotta thick hair (One of the last conversations I had with my Grandma, she asked me if I was wearing a wig – which I thought was hilarious, lol! I remember screaming "Grandma! I never wore a wig!" And then she said "Well, I didn't know!" I still laugh thinking about that day).

  • JazBNatural says:

    its a compliment to your hair. I im not offended by it. I think its just a way of saying your hair is "unbelievably beautiful". at least thats the way i take it. lol #conceited

    And I'm completely used to it because my dad (jokingly) asks me that every time I see him.

  • Anonymous says:

    I get asked the question alot myself, being a very dark skinned 43 yo sister with 4b hair.

    My hair is about 18 inches long and I wear it mostly in mini twists that I keeped pinned up in in some form or another.

    Imagine my chagrin, when my own mom asked if this was my real hair. Mom!!! You know this is my hair. Why would you ask me that?!?!?

    I constantly get the remark that I do not look like the type of person who would have long hair.

    Whu???

    Um, Yes, I do! 'Cause I really do.

  • Andrea says:

    I don't really get offended because most black women who have curls in their hair have a weave, so i can understand why they would ask, although I do think that its rude. Most of the time I get that question from Caucasian people who are admiring my hair so I am flattered. But if its a snooty inquiry, thats not cool.

  • Carla says:

    I was slightly offended a few weeks ago when this (crazy) guy told me he liked my "extensions". I simply told him this is MY hair growing out of my scalp, LOL. I agree with the other posters – so many women wear weaves and wigs, its almost rare to see a black woman with a full head of healthy hair.

  • npmoore04 says:

    I usually get that when my hair is straightened because my hair is waist length straight. But when it is in a wash n go or twist out it is about shoulder length. I get from family members and strangers. The strangers usually give me the side eye and I've even had people add it rare to see a dark skinned girl with long hair. Really! this is when I usually give them a peice of my mind. But when they believe me I am not offended.

  • MsFenty says:

    People always ask me if my hair is all mine, I've even had a few women put their hands in my hair to feel my scalp for tracks! I was a little annoyed that they didn't just take my word for it, but I don't really get offended because I do take it as a compliment. It happened when I was still relaxing and it still happens now that I'm transitioning. Why wouldn't I take it as a compliment if people think my hair looks so perfect that I must have bought it?

  • kimmie0810 says:

    Bianca your husband is very talented! But I have no idea what u mean lol.

  • LBell says:

    I've only gotten that comment a couple of times and it was when I was wearing a large twistout or braidout puff. I remember one woman being disappointed to learn that it was my hair…she was wearing a (terrible) wig and I think she was hoping I'd tell her where I bought my puff.

    It's really pathetic that in 2010 there are enough black women are wearing fake hair such that this question ("Is that your hair?") is commonplace. Unless someone is willing to pay me a LOT of money (I'm talking reduce-my-credit-card-debt money), you will NEVER see me with any kind of fake hair on my head.

  • Anonymous says:

    OMgoodness @kimmie0810…that's insane!
    I think it's offensive b/c the weaves I see look like garbage. I'd like to think my hair looks better than that

  • Kimberlan says:

    I've been asked that so many times. I think it's silly. First off, I have extremely fair skin with freckles and red hair. Why in the heck would you ask if this is my natural hair colour…that combination usually doesn't happen at random. Now, my length, okay…I can see if someone would have questions: it's WL when smoothed and just below BSL in its curliest state. My question is "Why can't people accept that women of colour can grow and maintain long hair?

    I guess I would say flattered, hey, they noticed…

    Later gators. Ignore the Haters : )

  • Bionca says:

    That pictures isn't of me. Hehe. But I will definitely send in an hair story with pictures! And by the way, all I said was yes. I'm not much for confrontation. I just never get asked this question when I have straight hair. Just a little weird is all

  • Bianca says:

    kimmie0810,
    My husband wants to illustrate your horrendous story. Check out his work at www.nstevenworks.com
    and
    nstevenharris.deviantart.com

    Bianca

  • EmmaG says:

    Popping is when the salons mix relaxer and deep conditioner in your hair and in a few days you realize your hard work has gone down the drain. You have to BC and start all over again.

  • SaBrina says:

    I remembered when I had my locs that were between BSL and MBL that people would always think were fake esp. when I would get my hair set on rods. I had alot of hair so sitting under that dryer for almost 2 1/2 hours my butt really hurt, however the hair was gorgeous. I was going to a banquet after getting my hair done, and this lady came into the restroom as I was leaving asking what braid of hair did I buy to get it styled like that. I'm like "No" this is my own hair all natural. It's amazing you can hear the comments of look at her hair it looks good or I don't know if I can go with that loc look, but you carry it off so well. I will say this having locs, your hair definitely will grow nicely. But for me I had to cut it back to shoulder length because those bad boys would choke me at night after wrapping around my neck.

  • Keyz says:

    flattered! Y wassup? LOL.

  • KCAS says:

    I was walking in Times Square last September rocking lots of spirals (a result of Teri's method) and a guy asked me if I was wearing sister locks. I said "no". Then he advised me to wear my own hair (in a kind way). Hilarious!! I was in a hurry, couldn't ask why he thought like that.

  • Anonymous says:

    There have been a couple of people recently who assumed I have a weave. It didn't bother me to hear this, or correct them. I agree with those that think it's rude to ask whether someone's hair is a weave, wig, etc., unless you know them well. Imagine how you'd feel if it wasn't your real hair.

  • Ms. Sassy says:

    I don't mind the question because that means it must be looking good lol. I just say yes it is and smile. Then, all the questions pour in about what I do and use.

  • Channing says:

    OMG lol @kimmie0810,

    I can't even believe someone had that kind of nerve, I'm over here laughing out of pure shock! I don't know what i would've done either lol

    I get the ones who hug you across your head, or laugh all extra, make some gesture, or have to 'tell you a secret' and some how their hands end up in your scalp.

    I've had people tell me they like my weave and overheard someone [that i don't know] tell someone else [that i don't know] my hair was a weave all matter-of-factly after i overheard them say they liked it.

    I've had guys in the club pull my hair, and even someone come up to me in a crowd of some of my homeboys and say OUT LOUD they could see my tracks…smh, people are just too much!

    I think this should be a future post topic, being weave checked cause i know most of us have some crazy stories lol

  • channing says:

    I don't get offended cause it happens so much its not worth it to get worked up, and I darn sure ain't gonna waste my time proving it to you or letting u massage my scalp cause you don't believe me, I just say yea and keep it moving, but I do think it's rude to ask someone if their hair is real or not, Especially when you dont know that person, people don't think its rude now because some women love to tell the world what they got going on, but not everyone wants you all up in their business.

    I mean what's the point of asking anyway, If i wanted to tell you my hair is fake I'd say so, if i don't that means it's not your business, and it's definitely not your place to ask.

    I see it like this, if your hair WAS fake, do you want someone asking you all out loud in public then? Probably not.

    I definitely dont take it as a compliment for someone to assume my hair can't possibly be mine but i'm not losing sleep over it either.

  • Anonymous says:

    i'm with Lilith_Eve

    i got this a lot when i was relaxed. especially in jr high school. i wore so many ponytails that when i finally wore it down once, a girl said, "your weave is banging! who did it?" followed by her diggin her hands in my head trying to feel for tracks.

    it's definitely a compliment. especially when they discover it's all you.

  • Anonymous says:

    I think it's rude to ask people if their hair is real, unless it is someone close to you and you are on that level with them. If you like my hair, just say you like it and move on. If you like it, it doesn't matter if it's real or not.
    Before I BC'd I used to wear braids or wigs all the time. On the few occasions that I did wear my hair down, people would be shocked when they saw all my hair. Just because I wear fake hair, doesn't mean I am bald.
    It's like asking someone if their breasts are real or something.

  • Anonymous says:

    kimmie0810
    I would have filed assault charges against her or, at the very least, reported her to superiors and demanded action be taken against her.

  • Anonymous says:

    I guess with so many of us weaving, wigging and relaxing, it should not be a surprise that some ud are being asked this question and then questioned further about our truthfulness. Nonetheless, it is a compliment, in an unknowing (and somewhat, sad) kind of way. IMHO

  • kimmie0810 says:

    I only get offended when people don't believe me. Or they make backward awkward statements like I don't look like I'd have "that type" of hair. Umm OK.

    The most offensive experience (now I can laugh though) was when I was getting head x-rays a few years ago. I've always had relatively long hair & even with a relaxer I would wash n go b/c I'm lazy. So the x-ray technician (older white woman) asked me to remove my headband, any bobby pins or anything else from my head. I took my headband off. She stood there. We stared at each other. She then said that I had to take EVERYTHING off of my head & out of my hair. I told her that I had removed the headband. Again the staredown. She asked me again & I repeated I had nothing else on my head. She HUFFS & PUFFS & tells me if my hair is "store bought" I need to take it out RIGHT NOW b/c it will mess up the x-rays. I told her it was all my hair & that nothing else was in it.

    After another brief stare down, she LEAPS across the room & before I know what happened had her hand in my hair yanking it & feeling the scalp. I KID U NOT!! We both jumped at the same time b/c we were both so startled! I couldn't believe she had done that & she couldn't believe she didn't feel tracks lol. She turned beet red & apologized profusely. I was pissed but too in shock to react.

  • Anonymous says:

    I want to see pictures! I'm not offended by this at all.

  • Anonymous says:

    Well I guess I just don't know how it feels yet, but I can't wait for the day when people are asking the question, "is all that your hair?"

  • Queenofthe4s says:

    I once had an older lady ask me if my hair was a hat…she was dead serious. At first I was like WTH and started to get offended. Then I just explained to her that the tiny, little coils all over my head were my natural curl pattern.

    She still looked dumbfounded, but she'd been educated notheless…

  • Anonymous says:

    Dee said,
    I would say I kinda get offended. I am a newly natural(@8 months or so). People have asked me if I have a texturizer or a cold wave(WTH-lol) When I say no this is my natural hair. Then comes the questions. What do you put on it? I reply a little gel, before I can finish I get "Gel"…….that's it…. and by this time I'm ready to go off lol……….but I don't I realize that having natural hair just peeks ones curiosity. So I answer gracefully with a smile…..:-)

  • RoseofSharron says:

    This is a good one! I'm wearing my natural hair in my extra wide and long curlformers style right now and soooooo many people have asked me if its a wig! I don't get offended because there are some fierce wigs out there! Lol…. my hair is big and I love it and the man does too. thats all that matters. Oh–Ur curls look amazing !!!

    RoseofSharron
    www.sharronsguide.blogspot.com

  • Yam84 says:

    I've gotten it… 🙂 It's a compliment!

    I remember once I went to my aunt's house and she went to hug me and put her hands all in my head to make sure it was mine…same thing happened at church 😀

    It is what it is…we have what people pay thousands for…

  • Lilith_Eve says:

    I used to get asked this all the time when I was relaxed! My hair was BSL length most of my life so it was normal for me to be stopped in the hallways at school or on the street and asked if it was "all my hair". Usually I was asked as they were simultaneously reaching for my head lol. This didn't really bother me till it happened in my mother's classroom. She teaches elementary school and one year there was a little girl in her class that loved to put her hands in my hair. I don't think it was to check for tracks but rather just because she liked it. Now that I'm natural I don't get that question anymore, mostly because my hair is pretty short (well for me anyways). I'm at 8 months natural and my hair is almost shoulder length (stretched of course!). There was an Indian man that asked me if I was natural once though. I was blown away because of A. his race (lol I know, I know) and B. because that's a question that only those who know a certain amount about black women would think to ask *grin* In the end he said it was pretty and that literally made my day as he was the first male to compliment my hair after I BC'd.

  • Anonymous says:

    I've get this a lot, and I am definitely flattered!

  • MissCurly says:

    OMG Yes!!!

    I have gotten that questions alot. Actually I get asked that more when my hair is in a curly style than straight. What's up with that?

    Sometimes I'm insulted because it's like I work this hard to maintain my hair and have it looking healthy, soft, shiny, big, ect. Only for people to think its a weave.

    Maybe its just me, but I'm proud of my hair and definately don't want some "weave" to take the credit.

    Yes it's all mine!

  • Unknown says:

    Why on earth should anyone be offended? I consider it a compliment, albeit an unknowing one. When people think my hair's so fabulous that it might be fake, I give them a huge grin, thank them profusely and explain what my methods were. Once it's clear that it's all mine, the people I'm talking to give me a *direct* compliment and we part ways all smiles. I don't know what one would accomplish by replying with unnecessary snark…well other than anger/unhappiness on both sides.

  • GGmadeit says:

    I get this when I wear my hair big (my shrinkage is bananas) I am not offended I just smile and say yes! But like a lot of others have said I get the side eye because they don't believe me and ahhhh I don't believe I care! 🙂

  • Takeya says:

    This happens to me often when I wear my hair out because it's super thick and long but I don't take offense. Just last week, a co-worker said she was tempted to reach in and "inspect" my scalp for tracks. I thought it was hilarious!

    I never thought of it as a compliment either! I understand how people can be in awe of a huge head of thick, long, curly hair and believe it's "manufactured". However, I do think there's a shift in what people see as possible for natural hair so I expect to get fewer and fewer of those comments in the coming years.

  • Anonymous says:

    …. Just ask next time it happens… Whoa is that your face?

  • Tiffany says:

    I usually say something back snarky like, "no I bought it at the gas station, "it was rolling down the street and I picked it up", "Petsmart was giving it away so I took a bunch". Most of the time though people are thinking that it is thick and they just wanted to know if I has anything added.

    Peace, Love and Chocolate
    Tiffany

  • Anonymous says:

    Blackbeauty2010- I only get offended when people assume its not mines. the first time i wore my hair out i went to work and the wife of a long term patient upon exiting the room yelled… "I like your wig!" All I could say is thanks for the compliment but its all mines. Im usually flattered when i get comments from strangers (which is often since i went natural) and i love that they always come on days when there was a mini world war between me and my beasty mane and i dont the turnout. it solidifies that beauty comes in all different looks (even when in the one we dont think is most flattering). I also like getting compliments and questions from friend and family, i feel its an opportunity to convert them (wink). what i dont like is when people touch my hair without asking it doesnt offend me perse but my hair gets pretty frazzled (literally)

  • Anonymous says:

    what's "popping"?

  • EmmaG says:

    Girl, your hair looks great!. Do you want to disclose your salon name?. I am transitioning but sfraid to visit salons since I heard about popping. Are you out of NY?

  • Anonymous says:

    Yeah, I'm mixed with my mother and father. LOL!

  • Anonymous says:

    Um, I'll take "Is that all yours?" over "are you mixed with something?" anyday of the week…

  • Anonymous says:

    I only get offended if a person acts like you are lying to them when you tell them it's yours. It happened to me at a huge New Year's Eve party being held at a hotel. I was walking through the lobby, with my sister , and a I guy commented on my hair and then with a look of disgust, said "amazing what they are doing with weaves these days". My sister let him have it. I never had to say a word to the small-minded twit. LOL!

  • curlya says:

    I have been asked before. – Not offended.
    However, when I say yes, I don't like getting the *side-eye, (like "Stop lying"). – That I take offense to…

  • Chocolate Mom aka Blupoetres says:

    When my hair was permed people asked me this all the time – especially from men who couldn't believe all of my hair was mine. Now that I've been rocking the curls I've only gotten a few, "Wow, Miss, that's all yours?!" from my female students. I take no offense, in this era of weave and lace front it's hard to tell who actually has what, and I've even been brazen enough to ask a few students myself what they had going on on top their heads.

  • vonnie says:

    i would just laugh and answer yes…so many women wear wigs, weaves, etc, it's not exactly unheard of that it may NOT be yours. they must like what they see

    Vonnie
    http://www.socialitedreams.com/

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