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Curly Nikki

Sometimes Hair is Just HAIR

By January 27th, 202186 Comments

Sometimes Hair is Just HAIRYesterday on Facebook, Kevin Sumner posted a status. He boldly asserted that “Perming your hair so it looks straight is the number one self hatred actions still going on by Black people today. It needs to stop. If you are going to relax your hair you might as well get a nose job, slim down your thick lips and bleach your skin and get the full effect of trying to look or have Caucasian and/or Asian features.”

People kill me–especially those who are hasty to pull the self-hate card.

Before I launch into this diatribe, let me say this– the epidemic of self-hate is present within the Black community. This is not limited to Black Americans, but also other persons of color both inside and outside of the African diaspora. It is a disease of the mind that will only be addressed when we, as a people, learn that we are the only ones who can define our own beauty–we are perfect even with our imperfections, and God wouldn’t have it any other way.

It is a valid problem within our community, but like Racism and other prejudices, it loses it’s validity when there are people crying “wolf” when it’s barely even a Yorkie.

I have had locks since I was 11 years old. Contrary to popular belief, I was not raised by Black Panthers (although my mother is very Afro-centric), no one forced or even suggested that I lock my hair (in fact, my father was against it), and I did not get locks because of some deep rooted connectedness to “the Motherland” nor because (according to many) “Jesus had locks”. I was extremely tender-headed, to the point that I would cry and even vomit when people attempted to do my hair. I was put out of at least 3 hair salons that I can remember, and my mother would send my father to go pretend like he was a single dad with this crazy daughter and just really needed someone to do her hair. For me, getting locks was one of the best decisions I’d made. My hair is beautiful, healthy, and the best part is it hasn’t seen a comb in fourteen years. It’s been to my ass-crack and back at least three times, it’s been Irish-red (everyone was so surprised I dyed my hair when it was naturally light brown/blond), Malibu Barbie Blond, and now it’s some sort of hybrid between my natural color and the blond days. My sister has locks, and her hair has been at LEAST 5 different colors, and she has envisioned a different style every time she sets foot in the shop. Yes, wear our hair in a natural style, but like most women, we don’t hesitate to use our hair as a form of expression. I toy with the idea of cutting it all off just for the hell of it. After all, it’s just hair.

Getting a relaxer is a part of many girls’ hair story. By Kevin’s assertion, every girl who gets a perm (and actually, he’d have to include those who get presses too) hates herself. Blanket statements like these really do irritate me to my core. Plenty of my friends (in fact, most of them) have had relaxers in their lifetime, and the majority of them still hit the salon once every six weeks to keep their ‘do maintained. It is their prerogative. Most women change their hair as often as they change their draws. As I said before, it’s a form of self expression. A way to outwardly display how you might be feeling that day/week/month. Not everything is for everybody, and if a woman wants to perm her hair one day, gel it up the next, she should be able to do so without the entire weight of the Black world on her shoulders. Statements like the one Kevin made are just as racist and ignorant as the comments that White Supremacists make every day. By Kevin’s assertion, this would mean that those black women who might have naturally-occurring relaxed-looking hair are somehow “less black” than those with comb-resistant kinks. I guess he missed out on a good African American History class, because anyone with even a semester’s worth of knowledge knows that “black” is a socially constructed term, and that “Caucasian” is not a term for “white” people, but a term for those who’s ancestry originates from the Caucasus Mountains in Eastern Europe. But that’s another lesson for another day.

See, if he had done his research, or knew anything about the continent from whence his ancestors came, then he would know that Africa is a HUGE continent made up of roughly 61 territories, and that the people in these territories all look DIFFERENT. Many Ethiopians, Cape Verdeans, Egyptians, and South Africans have this “relaxed-looking” hair, yet Mr. Sumner, Mr. Black Power himself, is so hastily ready to give credit for this to “the white man”. Indigenous peoples of many nations, including the one where we live, have this same long thick straight hair. Dominicans, Afro-cubans, Afro-Brazilans…MANY OF WHOM are DIRECT descendants of Africa…have long thick straight hair. So why is it that by throwing a relaxer in, a woman is automatically trying to be “white”? Easy. Because the same society that Kevin is accusing of brainwashing “us” Black Women, has so subtly brainwashed him into believing that these features only occur in those with WHITE skin. Perhaps when his passport gets a little workout, he can go to places outside of these boundaries and SEE for himself that people of color are BEAUTIFUL and DIFFERENT and come in all SHADES and SHAPES and HAIR TEXTURES. He’ll probably be awed by the blond-haired thick-assed chocolate brown Brazilians with long brunette manes cascading down their shoulders.

Then he came back and said “well, why do we try to emulate white people if they don’t try to emulate us?”

Cue Uncle Ruckus, because last I checked, white women FLOCK to the tanning salon, they buy booty-pops, and they get perms to activate some curl in their flat hair. White men and women try to twist and tame their hair to emulate locks like the ones I have in my head. I don’t see white people with FB statuses calling a rally because they’re going to the tanning salon. There’s no public outcry because they want to look more and more like Willy Wonka’s little orange oompa-loompas. Black women have set trends for years, just by being us. We do what we want, when we want. We wear what we want, and style ourselves how we want to be styled.

His logic just wasn’t sound. If every girl who gets a perm hates herself, then every girl with a short hair cut wants to secretly grow a penis and pee standing up. Come on now.

But you all should have seen the “Amens” his status was getting. And of course there was one girl who hated herself when her hair was natural and thought she was ugly so on and so on. And while I respected her story, I had to remind her that HER story was not that of everyone else. Kudos to her for discovering that hair is just hair, but don’t put your unwillingness to embrace yourself onto those of us who already knew that hair was just hair. She countered that anyone willing to “willingly damage” any part of themselves clearly hated themselves. Well, last I checked, hair was nothing but dead cells. If she’s asserting that by killing something that’s already dead, you automatically hate yourself, I’m confused. I’m further confused because she had color in her hair, and unless she’s dying it with nuts and berries from the woods on Good Hope Road, last time I checked COLOR has CHEMICALS. She also had her eyebrows waxed, and believe it or not, every time you get your eyebrows waxed it weakens the little muscle beneath your eyebrow. She probably has had a manicure in her lifetime, and every woman knows that as soon as you step into a nail shop with those acetone fumes, you’re killing brain cells. We drink, we smoke, we get tattoos and piercings. We knowingly and willingly “damage” ourselves every day. But I guess that damaging your hair is just too much for the radicals to handle.

Blanket statements run the risk of making a generalization about an entire group of people not based on statistical evidence but rather based on opinions borne from individual experiences and assumptions.

Sometimes, changing yourself is a sign that you’re unhappy with yourself. Sometimes, we do things for the wrong reasons.

And sometimes, hair is just HAIR.

Weigh in divas!

86 Comments

  • BMAK says:

    Ethiopia was never colonized, and even countries like the Dominican Republic, Brazil, and Cuba who were colonized by the SPANISH (read, NON-WHITE EUROPEAN) were home to indigenous peoples who had thick, naturally occurring straight hair. When these indigenous people mixed with the unseasoned African slaves, they created a myriad of looks, but most of whom still connected with their African heritage. Like it or not, "straight hair" is not a feature that is owned only by those w/white skin. True, Africa has plenty of self hate going on, as that is the way that Western Europeans designed it, but that doesn't negate the fact that in many instances, a woman's decision to change her hair style has less to do with a "movement" and more to do with how she's feeling that day/week/month.

  • i says:

    I don't think every woman with a relaxer is trying to be white..but I will say that even the countries mentioned have been colonized my friend, so they are no exception to trying to be white just because they come from africa..in fact, African has some of the most self-hate going on generally speaking-they too have imposed standards and learn it from the media, TV and European ideologies>>>Dominicans, Afro-cubans, Afro-Brazilans…MANY OF WHOM are DIRECT descendants of Africa<<< Anyway, my page welcomes all women, with any type of hair style Please come to my page and like it!.. www.facebook.com/healthoverhair !!! xoxo

  • Courtney says:

    I completely agree with Ada and am actually kind of baffled by the number of people who agree with this article. Can we really say "it's just hair" when the MAJORITY of African-American women don't even know what their own damn hair even LOOKS like? Can we really say "it's just hair" when GROWN BLACK WOMEN don't even know how to care for their OWN hair? Can we really say "it's just hair" when there are so many political and social factors, experiences, and backlash that many black women go through for simply wearing their hair as it grows out of their own head? If Becky wakes up, brushes her hair and walks outside and no one even notices because her hair is long and flowing, but I wake up, pick out my hair and do the same thing, why is she normal and I get strange looks, stares, and unwanted negative comments and "advice" if "it's just hair?"

    I think anyone who REALLY believes that "it's just hair" is living in a naive bubble and looking from the inside with rose-colored glasses. Even if YOU went natural "just because." Even if YOU don't really care about whether others wear their hair pressed or natural. This doesn't in ANY way negate the fact that many in the society at large around you has a VERY serious, visceral, and overwhelmingly negative response to the fact that you "just have hair." And THAT'S what makes it bigger than being "just hair."

  • Samantha says:

    Superb article! it just may be the English major in me jumping for joy, but this is one of the best articles on this topic that I have ever read! love the historical references intertwined so seamlessly with your wit sassiness. Definitely looking forward to reading more from you.

  • Anonymous says:

    Wow Wow and more wow!! LMBO!! You told it, stole it and dam near choke it!! Go ahead girl. I'm a natural myself and your comment was simply stated..the TRUTH!

  • Anonymous says:

    I too am clearly in the majority but Ada, AusetAbena and Mr. Sumner are on point.

  • Anonymous says:

    I feel you! I happened to be one of the many females on the thread Mr. Sumner posted on FB and I was also one of the females "trying" to convince him and his followers that hair does not define you! As I stated on the FB thread, I am a strong black woman with no self-hatred in my heart, and definitely no self-hatred as it pertains to hair. I appreciate your willingness to share your feelings and comments regarding this issue. Although I have relaxed hair and do not plan on allowing my hair to go back to its natural state, I appreciate your efforts to speak on the behalf of black women who decide to go the "relaxed" route with their hair even though you do not have relaxed hair. I am with you…. hair texture, color, and style should be a woman's individual choice and has nothing to do with the person they were molded to be by God or through the upbringing by their parents. Hair is just an expression of how you feel! And who's to say how I feel is wrong????

  • Anonymous says:

    Mr. Sumner is a little late with his pontifications. This is my third go-round with natural hair. I rocked a fro in the late sixties when I was 13(to the dismay of my grandmother; endured by my long-suffering parents). I recall that at that time brothers were also standing on soap boxes preaching the "I hate myself if I straighten my hair" sermon. But to me, the fro was just a great style that fit the times (Soooul Train! lol). In the 70's I went the route of cornrows and braids (and who the heck was Bo Dereck anyway?!. It was just a style. The twists and twist outs I wear today are more a matter of convenient beauty more than anything else (who wants to sit in a 90 degree kitchen pressing some hair?). I am not into political statements with hair-I am just a woman who like most of my gender, likes to style my crown and glory. Who knows what my hair will be doing next year? I don't even know. As the sister said, "Sometimes hair is just hair"! Peace.

  • AusetAbena says:

    Hmm. Hair is never just hair, and although the brother may have come off as judgmental, he has a point. Chemicals, sodium hydroxide to be exact, that has the ability to burn the skin all for the sake of straight hair is a form of self-hate IMHO. People give so many crazy answers for straigtening their hair, but hardly ever does anyone want to admit what it really is: the desire to look caucasian. Point. Blank. Period. It's like we get offended that we ever wanted to look white, and I admit that I did at one point. The moment a black person points out this fact, we get mad at the black person because the truth hurts. Then we give the punk out comment, "Sometimes, hair is just hair." And sometimes I'm tempted to say, since when? Everyone is entitled to their opinion, and the I'm in defense of Mr. Sumner because there is TRUTH to his statement, whether you agree with it or not. And just becuz you know your history well, which is great, doesn't mean you interpret it correctly. I'm not saying you wrong, I'm just saying everything can be interpreted a million different ways. For example, I perm my hair but I'm not trying to look white. It's just hair. See how that sounds. Whereas, others interpret the action as trying to be white. And I agree to a certain extent.

  • NYCA03 says:

    KUDOS TO YOU MISS APPLELBAUM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    As someone who was born in the Dominican Republic and raised in NY and now reside in CA people are always asking me how come my hair is kinkier than the "rest" of the latin people.
    Loving yourself or "NOT" has nothing to do with wanting to change your hair. SERIOUSLY!!!!!!!!!!!!
    People like that and men especially are the first ones running to the women who "love themselves" so much that they are psyco!!!
    Congrats for expressing yourself in ways many of us, them, and I wish we could say!!!!!

  • indigo. says:

    She just SLAYED this guy and many other that think this way.
    -Applause.

  • Anz30 says:

    What I don't understand is why everyone continues to point fingers and blame at the people they feel have "issues" of self-hate. If in fact it is self-hate, what are you, the fingerpointers, willing to do to resolve the "issue". I get so tired of everyone who "fights for the cause" and preachers and politicians with their sermons and speeches about the issues in the black community becaue they RARELY offer solutions to these problems. They sit on their higher than thou thrones and use their highly educated words to look down on those with the "issues" and finger-point and name call as if they are all in kindergarten. What are YOU going to DO to help THEM?

    The solution is happening now. And if all the "down for the cause" people would stop for one second to realize it instead of looking for more people to talk about, they would see that there is no need to continue to point fingers and call people out. Stop talking ABOUT that sister and talk TO her. Teach her what you know, show her that you've been there done that. Show her who she can be, is supposed to be. She just may not know.

    More black women are beginning to realize the beauty that they were born with. Not only is this their physical beauty, but I've noticed with the naturals I've known since I first started transitioning (2 years since my BC) that with getting to know that beauty, they are also getting to know their own power and worth. They are learning who they truly are; the selves that they were put on this earth to be. LET THAT HAPPEN. STOP SPREADING NEGATIVITY AND SHAME.

    As each of us share our stories by mouth, computer, song, photographs, we are showing more and more women that they too will find their own beauty, power, strength and force with-in. But we are doing NOTHING for the "cause" or to solve the "issues" by finger-pointing, singling out, and name-calling. All we do is dance around the issue. We push it from one person to the next, day after day, year after year with no resolve.

    Who was helped by his facebook comment? Do you think that all the relaxed women who read it ran to cut their hair off? I'm pretty sure they didn't. I'm willing to bet that some of them took a position of defense and will probably think twice about anything else he has to say because the only thing he accomplished was to inform them of his disdain of their choices. That doesn't accomplish anything. What solution did he offer?

    It is not enough anymore for the black community to only point out its issues so that we can sit around and talk about it so that we can go home at night and say "that ain't me, that's them over there". Well bring them over there over to you or you go over there.

    This is how I see it changing. When other black women come to me and ask about my hair and tell me about how they think about it but just can't see themselves with natural hair, I share this with them. "You know I couldn't see it for a long time either, but I finally got just curious enough about the hair I was born with to finally give it chance. I knew that I could go back if I wanted to, but I fell in love with the me that I was always supposed to be." I will tell you that many of those women have come back to show me their transitions or BCs. I don't think that would happen if I went into a diatribe about the self-hating "issues" that they need to get over. Wouldn't you prefer to be that lady, than the 'crazy lady with the fro'?

  • Anz30 says:

    What I don't understand is why everyone continues to point fingers and blame at the people they feel have "issues" of self-hate. If in fact it is self-hate, what are you, the fingerpointers, willing to do to resolve the "issue". I get so tired of everyone who "fights for the cause" and preachers and politicians with their sermons and speeches about the issues in the black community becaue they RARELY offer solutions to these problems. They sit on their higher than thou thrones and use their highly educated words to look down on those with the "issues" and finger-point and name call as if they are all in kindergarten. What are YOU going to DO to help THEM?

    The solution is happening now. And if all the "down for the cause" people would stop for one second to realize it instead of looking for more people to talk about, they would see that there is no need to continue to point fingers and call people out. Stop talking ABOUT that sister and talk TO her. Teach her what you know, show her that you've been there done that. Show her who she can be, is supposed to be. She just may not know.

    More black women are beginning to realize the beauty that they were born with. Not only is this their physical beauty, but I've noticed with the naturals I've known since I first started transitioning (2 years since my BC) that with getting to know that beauty, they are also getting to know their own power and worth. They are learning who they truly are; the selves that they were put on this earth to be. LET THAT HAPPEN. STOP SPREADING NEGATIVITY AND SHAME.

    As each of us share our stories by mouth, computer, song, photographs, we are showing more and more women that they too will find their own beauty, power, strength and force with-in. But we are doing NOTHING for the "cause" or to solve the "issues" by finger-pointing, singling out, and name-calling. All we do is dance around the issue. We push it from one person to the next, day after day, year after year with no resolve.

    Who was helped by his facebook comment? Do you think that all the relaxed women who read it ran to cut their hair off? I'm pretty sure they didn't. I'm willing to bet that some of them took a position of defense and will probably think twice about anything else he has to say because the only thing he accomplished was to inform them of his disdain of their choices. That doesn't accomplish anything. What solution did he offer?

    It is not enough anymore for the black community to only point out its issues so that we can sit around and talk about it so that we can go home at night and say "that ain't me, that's them over there". Well bring them over there over to you or you go over there.

    This is how I see it changing. When other black women come to me and ask about my hair and tell me about how they think about it but just can't see themselves with natural hair, I share this with them. "You know I couldn't see it for a long time either, but I finally got just curious enough about the hair I was born with to finally give it chance. I knew that I could go back if I wanted to, but I fell in love with the me that I was always supposed to be." I will tell you that many of those women have come back to show me their transitions or BCs. I don't think that would happen if I went into a diatribe about the self-hating "issues" that they need to get over. Wouldn't you prefer to be that lady, than the 'crazy lady with the fro'?

  • Anonymous says:

    Thank you Ada and Onyx Rose.

  • Tester says:

    I guess I'm in the minority as well because I COMPLETELY agree with everything Ada said. We all love to think that it is "just hair," but to an extent, it's not. While I don't believe that using relaxers is an automatic sign of self-hate, we can't deny why relaxers were initially made– to conform to White America's notions of what "beauty" was. This mindset has made it through generations and generations of black women and although "times have changed" has the underlying use/purpose of relaxers really done the same? I don't know. To me, the part where the author of this article talks about certain women in African countries having naturally straight hair is irrelevant because these women are the minority, and I highly doubt that women who relax their hair are doing it to emulate their East African sisters. You don't correlate straight hair with Africa because it is not nearly as common as kinky/curly hair.

    Ada was so ON POINT with her response.

  • Anonymous says:

    I see merit in what Ada is saying. Sometimes I think this ignoring of issues and tracing ourselves back to unrelated African nations is a sign of the need for affirmation, belonging and security that naturals seem to always be crying out for.

    I worry that the real issues in the black community will be hushed up and buried under a sea of affirmations and mantras that seem to empower but really inhibit truth and discussion. It's like the elephant in the room that no one wants to discuss whether it's skin tone, hair texture preference or relaxing and the negative connotations of wearing your hair kinky/coily etc.

    This online natural hair thing has set many things forward and dragged others back. The cultish sisterhood that ignores ills and says everyone must agree to belong disturbs me.

  • Anonymous says:

    I guess I'm in the minority because I co-sign everything Ada said above.

  • Anz30 says:

    This blog made me feel so many emotions all at once. I read this earlier and was going to leave all the commenting to others, but just couldn't go to bed without speaking my piece.

    "When you know better, you do better." Most of our earliest memories as Black girls are of ourselves with straight hair, whether from a relaxer or straightening comb. Many of us were too young to even have the memory of days with natural hair. It was all we knew, that's how we grew up. When one isn't given an option, the burden cannot be placed upon them. My point is that today Black women do what we do with our hair out of habit, convenience, and comfort. Maybe she would love her natural hair if she were given the chance to and maybe she wouldn't. To assert that she must hate herself because of a choice that was not made by her, is utterly ridiculous. If a black woman is comfortable with her relaxed hair for whatever reason that she is, what's it to anyone else?

    Furthermore, I take issue with men who feel it their place to denounce and condemn women for the choices that they make with their hair, bodies, time, education, etc. I can't for the life of me figure out why they think they have the right to speak on what we do with ourselves. He does not know every woman with relaxed hair personally to say that they must hate themselves. And he certainly does not know every natural woman enough to assume that they love themselves. And whatever leads each of these individual women to their individual decisions about their hair is only their business. We do not owe an explanation to anyone, and we certainly do not deserve the outright disrepectful and arrogant comments from him and others like him. This goes for any decision a woman makes. When men carry our burden as Black women, then maybe their comments will hold more weight. The last I checked, they have a bigger problem carrying their own burden, but I digress.

    I find an even larger problem with his comment than hair can ever be. That is that it seems more and more lately, that Black men have no problem taking to media outlets to denounce Black women, for whatever reason. It is hurtful and sad to me that they put us on blast to the rest of the world every chance they get. If the Black man is not going to support Black women regardless of her hair, who will? I don't understand this public finger pointing of disapproval against us, especially when Black women continue to be ever so supportive of them regardless of ALL that we go through together.

    Bottom line for me is that a Black man will have to answer far more to me, before I ever think about giving an explanation for why my hair is the way it is. It is my hope that every Black woman will know her own power and take the same stance.

    Oh yeah, Who the heck is Kevin Sumner? Never heard of him.

  • Anonymous says:

    I think Taylor Swift, the country singer hates herself because she straightened her curly locks…

  • Anz30 says:

    This blog made me feel so many emotions all at once. I read this earlier today and was going to leave all the commenting to everyone else, but just couldn't go to bed without speaking my piece.

    "When you know better, you do better." Most of our earliest memories as Black girls are of ourselves with straight hair, whether from a relaxer or straightening comb. Many of us were too young to even have the memory of days with natural hair. It was all we knew, that's how we grew up. When one isn't given an option, the burden cannot be placed upon them. My point is that today Black women do what we do with our hair out of habit, convenience, and comfort. Maybe she would love her natural hair if she were given the chance to and maybe she wouldn't. To assert that she must hate herself because of a choice that was not made by her, is utterly ridiculous. If a black woman is comfortable with her relaxed hair for whatever reason that she is, what's it to anyone else?

    Furthermore, I take issue with men who feel it their place to denounce and condemn women for the choices that they make with their hair, bodies, time, education, etc. I can't for the life of me figure out why they think they have the right to speak on what we do with ourselves. He does not know every woman with relaxed hair personally to say that they must hate themselves. And he certainly does not know every natural woman enough to assume that they love themselves. And whatever leads each of these individual women to their individual decisions about their hair is only their business. We do not owe an explanation to anyone, and we certainly do not deserve the outright disrepectful and arrogant comments from him and others like him. This goes for any decision a woman makes. When men carry our burden as Black women, then maybe their comments will hold more weight. The last I checked, they have a bigger problem carrying their own burden, but I digress.

    I find an even larger problem with his comment than hair can ever be. That is that it seems more and more lately, that Black men have no problem taking to media outlets to denounce Black women, for whatever reason. It is hurtful and sad to me that they put us on blast to the rest of the world every chance they get. If the Black man is not going to support Black women regardless of her hair, who will? I don't understand this public finger pointing of disapproval against us, especially when Black women continue to be ever so supportive of them regardless of ALL that we go through together.

    Bottom line for me is that a Black man will have to answer far more to me, before I ever think about giving an explanation for why my hair is the way it is. It is my hope that every Black woman will know her own power and take the same stance.

    Oh yeah, Who the heck is Kevin Sumner? Never heard of him.

  • M.J. says:

    FANTASTIC!! *the crowd cheers wildly*

  • Anonymous says:

    omg i wish i could make everyone in the world read this. they don't even have to agree 100% if at all…i'm just gonna need them to see it , mainly people like that gentleman mentioned in the post.lol

  • MyZtiPHIed says:

    Wow! I need to frame this. This needs to be sent to Chris Rock with his conclusion that black women were trying to be white. This was so refreshing!

  • CashmereKinks says:

    Dannngggg… this article is the truth! Nothing else really needs to be said. We black women do come in many shapes, sizes and colors. Check out this post of a video called "Shadeism" that I saw on another natural's blog (http://napskinkslove.onsugar.com/Shadeism-when-end-lol-12158600 ) and posted on mine as well (http://juceefroot.onsugar.com/Shadeism-from-NapsKinksLove-12170095).

    I'm gonna share this link with my friends. this brought it all home. Thanks!

  • Resenda says:

    I got my first perm at 8 years old. For me a perm was "what made it easier." My hair was so thick, course and unmanagable, it was litarally a "PAIN" to comb. I am over 40 now with a short natural crop, and it's the best thing I could have ever done. (my hair sofened with age.) I too hate blanket statements. This person has obviously never combed a little girls hair and had her screaming and crying because her naturally curly hair is anything but!

  • KIMBERLY says:

    THIS ARTICLE WAS THE BOMB!!!!

  • Anonymous says:

    Whether it be hair, or anything else, SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE will take issue with it. Not everyone will ever like curly/kinky hair! Sure, women of African descent have suffered a lot from the societal induced pressure to conform to a certain look. It's up to us to absorb the pathology and react to it, be mad at it, hate it )and sometimes ourselves), rant and rave about it OR beyond it. Fortunately, some of us are moving (or have moved) beyond the pressures and are finding (or have found) peace with our hair, rather than being at war with it and society. It's a personal CHOICE. Nothing more, nothing less.

  • Anonymous says:

    Amen AMen. I love this post it has made me smile it reflects everything i discuss with my friends. It angers me that the black community are so quick to judge ourselves. If we relax we are trying to be white and full of hate but nobody has a word to say when they get fillers for thicker lips or stronger cheekbones.

    An articulate well written article. I LOVE IT!!

  • M says:

    Thank you so much for this! I'm a natural considering going back to the relaxer (due to boredom and wanting to experiment with cuts), and I myself fell into the bucket of preaching about how I'm "never" going back to the "creamy crack" and how I'm so thankful to have "what God gave me" growing out of my head, and I am, don't get me wrong, but at the end of the day, it is just hair.

    If I want to color it, chop it, wear locs, have it natural, or wear it down to my ass, that's my choice, and I think people have gotten too preachy (myself included, at times) about the whole thing. Hair is just hair, and it's a method of self-expression. How can it be that I have tattoos, and piercings, but the idea of changing my hair out of its natural state sends a wave of discomfort through me?

    I am not my hair, and it's just hair.

  • Ada says:

    oh please. you guys can save it and shove it
    Hair is not just hair especially for peoople of african descent.

    and it will only start being that when people with afro textured hair can wear their hair without the backlash, negative comments rude stares and persecution from family members..as if they killed jesus

    It will just be hair when curly/kinky/coily hair is not seen as unprofessional

    It will just be hair when people would not be scared to go natural and will not feel insecure about that decision

    It will only just be hair when my mother will stop calling me a mad woman and telling me that I will not find a man like that

    It will only just be hair when kinky/coily/curly hair will be as common place as straight hair
    please who are we kidding. The reason why the overwhelming majority of "black" women have it weaved up,slicked down, go through so much to hide that new growth majority of the time is due a DIRECT and INDIRECT disdain of kinky/curly/coily hair and the general stigma that comes with that type of hair texture

    Oh yes you did not start the religious relaxing routine by your self. Your mother put it on your hair.But why did she?

  • KeepItMovingDotCom says:

    and someone should tell brother man that OUR African ancestors wrote the book on beauty! They were manipulating hair, wearing wigs and weaves, dyes and makeup thouands of years ago!!
    Really, sometimes style is just style. I went natural in college and then relaxed my hair in my 20's. Everyone said that I'd "come to my senses.." It's just hairstylin' folks! I'm back in my TWA today. Tomorrow's style? Who knows?!

  • Anonymous says:

    I agree hair is just hair, which is why I am not planning to grow my caesar out for some years. Have had long hair before, and know my texture. Not a big deal. It's just hair.

    I just read someone's facebook status, and he said "females, you can't look good with a short cut or natural. Keep that nappy stuff away from me. Men don't like short cuts." Yet, he tried to get at me and my short cut. I just smh. He said I love a perm and wrap. I guess it's all about preference. My SO loves my caesar, and he too says it's just hair 🙂

  • Anonymous says:

    I think people are getting too deep off into this!!! But why don't more Black women like that way they Naturally look? I think natural hair has not been showcase in a good light long enough for women black women to like it. But every time am out I see Natural's doing their thing so just do you!

  • DvaAuNaturel says:

    Great article. Enjoyed it a lot and agree with a lot of what was said. Very well written and I love the facts that you shared regarding some of the terminology we use to describe people but not really understanding why/what it means. Girl, where are you from? I'm referring to your statement about Good Hope Road…lol! I'm in the DC area and that is a known street.

  • Anonymous says:

    Boooooring.

  • Anonymous says:

    For some "hair is just hair".
    For some "hair is a political statement"
    For some "hair is something they are ashamed of for reasons dealing with ethnicity"
    I'm not saying "for some" means only black people or any people…
    Just sayin what you see is not that simple for everyone.
    Their is still the the history of hair; The book "hairstory" goes in detail.
    Oh wish we all were so enlightened. But the reality is: if we were we probably wouldn't need any natural websites. I think.

  • Anonymous says:

    Thank you…I argue this same point all the time…

  • Anonymous says:

    Very well said. I enjoyed this article. I also agree with another comment stating that men shouldn't tell us what to do with our physical. I cannot stand that!!

  • Anonymous says:

    Writing SkiLLS are EXCEPTIONAL!!! SUPERB job @ breaking down the ignorance that is perpetuated on a daily basis. I appreciate the fact that you did your homework so that you were enabled to break "Uncle Ruskus" off properly! And you did IT all while cracking our a**es up too!!! You are GOOD! lol two snaps and a twirl for you! U ARE THE BOMB MISS APPLEBAUM!!!!!!gO ON WIT YO BAD SELF!

  • KayDanai says:

    Hair IS just hair. I cut it , color it, buy it, sew it, wig it, grow it, curl it, straighten it, bun it…..and whichever other style I choose. It's never based upon some deep rooted hatred instilled in me – I just do what I feel and I like. The assumption that choosing a certain hairstyle means more than simply changing one's appearance is preposterous.
    Now when I relax my hair, put in blue contacts, start bleaching my skin, get that nose job, then I just may have a problem. But when alls I do is straighten my hair, that is alls I am doing.

  • Butterfly3000 says:

    I've Big Chopped 3 times, and each time, my reply to people who act like I just lost a limb was, "It's just hair, it will grow back". So on one hand, I agree that its really not THAT important that I would totally base my whole identity on what my hair style or texture is. However, I do spend time on my hair. I had locs for seven years and of the last 12 years, I have been natural for 10 of those years. I back-slid once but that's another story. Not hatred just stupid.

    My point is, I spend time protecting and preserving this dead particle growing out of my head because I like it. I like what it do. I like how it feel. I love the versatility of natural hair. And the amount of time I spend researching and trying things out, indicates that its really not JUST hair. Would I like to spend less time on my hair? Hell yeah! But I don't envy others or hate myself because my wash and go texture requires a little love. I just do what I gotta do to maintain its beauty and ensure its health so that by the time I have my little girl, I'll have the patience and understanding to avoid the quick-fix that our mothers utilized.

  • Anonymous says:

    so,
    if you relax, you hate yourself
    if you are natural, you hate society (and are chosing to reject it)

    Mmmm, this construct suggests that there is no way for a woman of African descent who has curly/coily hair to be healthy ( or be perceived as healthy). That, in and of itself, is pathological.
    I say, throw the construct out and simply "Do You!". I guess that makes me abnormal too, though. LOL!

  • Anonymous says:

    I don't claim to know every black woman's experience or the thoughts running through their minds when momma pressed out or relaxed her hair as a young girl.

    However, I think it is this very scenario– young girls getting their hair pressed out or relaxed by their mothers–constitutes a universal experience for many black women.

    In this experience also lies a universal motivation in the mind of many mothers who pressed out/relaxed their daughters’ hair.

    I remember those days when my mother would comb-out my hair before putting the pressing comb on it telling me I was tendered headed because of the discomfort my scalp would feel after those comb-outs.

    She would grumble to herself a lot saying how thick my hair was, and it was hard to comb. I remember seeing those shampoo commercials as a kid with those white women tossing back their hair and feeling strange about it.

    I think what some of us have internalized from these childhood experiences is what this guy "Kevin" is touching on. I just think some people are not ready to acknowledge that these experiences were emotionally painful and left scars. It is a complex issue that involves societal standards of beauty.

    I think some people aren’t ready to admit that sometimes they did wish their hair would do like the white chicks in those shampoo commercials. It didn’t mean I hated myself. I could not hate myself just because of my hair, but I did not always feel good about myself because of my hair. That is something completely different.

    It is normal to make comparisons to other people, but where the problems begin is what you start to internalize about yourself because of those comparisons.

    When I got a relaxer, I did it to "tame" my unmanageable hair because I did not want to be "tenderheaded" anymore. For lack of a better word, I did not understand my hair, and unfortunately the elder women in my family didn't either.

    But I am thankful to be on the other side of it. I have learned what my hair can do in its natural state. I have learned to care for it. I have learned to feel good about my hair.

    To be able to take those painful memories, and say I am beautiful, and precious in the eyes of God is truly a gift.

  • Anonymous says:

    hair IS just hair

    we CHOOSE to make it something more
    or something less
    society, sometimes, makes it something more and then we respond/react to that

    try not to get caught up in the emotional drama surrounding it, it's not worth it
    Just "Let Your Soul Glow!"

  • Unknown says:

    i dont believe anything is just anything. the world is not so absolute or black and white…according to psychoanalytic theory there are unconscious motives for everything we do i believe it is the same with hair. Some girls who relax and straighten their hair may say, "i dont hate myself, i just like my hair straight" but somewhere in the back of their mind, unbeknowst to them there is a deep rooted self hatred or unhappiness with themselves within. We have to ask ourselves "why" persistently and truly be honest with ourselves as to why we do the things we do to ourselves (like sit in a shop for a whole day to endure relaxer burns and flat iron burns), say the things we say about ourselves (like non-naturals not being natural because they dont have good haire cuz its "nappy")…i mean truly think about why you present yourself in the manner that you do. Nothing in this world is just black and white, there are shades of gray. I honestly don't wear my natural hair out sometimes on days i feel its not up to par because i dont want people getting that negative impression of my 4b/c hair. Hair is not just hair, this is a very visual world and living in a world as such i choose to present ME, not who tv says i should be, beauty undefined by European or American standards, the same me im proud to express outwardly everyday with my kinks and curls 😀

  • Anonymous says:

    "Is everybody with dreads for the cause? Is everybody with gold for the fall? Naw. So don't get caught up in appearance."
    -Outkast

  • Anonymous says:

    I had locs for 7 years and some folks had a fit when I chopped them off earlier this year. "OMG why?" or "I thought were forever." or "So what are you doing with your hair now…"

    No other group of people has has to play 21-Questions just to change a hairstyle! Sometimes it's just hair. I'm not going to be putting a perm in my hair in the forseeable future because it's a choice that I've made…I also don't drink soda – yet another choice I've made about what goes in and on my body.

    ~www.simpletruths.typepad.com

  • Anonymous says:

    I always find it very suspicious when a male has such a strongly judgmental attitude about female grooming habits. I have known men who feel like the guy in this article. I have also known men who are accepting of whatever styling options women choose to employ to look nice. Sometimes, some men voice these ridiculous opinions as a smoke screen for the deep animus they feel about a particular group of women (or women , in general). Ironically, some men who voice this idea of "self-hate" in reference to relaxers would never date/marry/find sincerely attractive, a woman who has naturally curly/kinky/coily hair. Some of these men dont even HAVE hair. LOL!

  • Anonymous says:

    Sharmer I think there's a middle road. Everything we do means something, but to the extent that it means a lot or a little or exactly WHAT it means is completely subjective and no stranger can point a wagging finger. Yes, self-hate is a problem. Some will deny it to the death and some will admit it.But for others the concept of hairstyles and hair in general is trivial. I like anime. If I straighten my hair, dye it blue, and buzz it to look like one of my fav anime characters that's not self hate. Maybe it's a little crazy, but it's about personal expression and wanting to do something fun not self-hate. I don't dismiss that some women have "issues" and if they need to exorcise those issue via their hair- well hey good for them and I hope they heal and can feel beautiful. Nothing wrong with that, but we all have different filters that we use to view the world.

  • Sharmer says:

    That's funny because over at nappturality.com they seem to have the same opinion that this guy does. They seem to think that women who where perms suffer from self-hate, look inferior and clueless when they stand next to white straight-haired women, and that it makes them look 10 years older! I had to go ahead and let them have it because every woman that wears a perm does NOT suffer from self hate. I personally, along with many others, recieved my first perm at such a young age (4 or 5 years old) that I didnt even know what natural hair looked like, or that I even had curly hair at all! My decision to go natural stems from the fact that I am now a grown ass woman (24 in January) and I no longer want to relax my hair. I have never had any kind bad damage or problems like that with perms, and I've always had a full healthy head of hair. Im finally confident enough in myself to just do me and rock my natural curls. Im going into my 3rd month post relaxer. I think people who stereotype others are just plain ignorant and have no idea what they are talking about.

  • jaimitch says:

    This was awsome, most of the ladies in this thread have said what I think so all I'll say is "Amen".

  • Anonymous says:

    Wow! Thank you for your words! Very powerful and articulate! I loved this article! I am definitely forwarding this to all my girls! lol! LOVE IT!!…..

  • Anonymous says:

    oh wow! Thanks Nik for posting the article. i went to HS with Aja and the girl's blog site is ON POINT always! check it out ladies… www.BMAKisses.com

  • iri9109 says:

    this was sooo good…im about to check out her blog…i begged my mom for a relaxer, and it was because i had poofy hair and all my friends had straight hair (relaxed), and i just wanted to be like my (black) friends…it wasnt about ascribing to a white or european beauty aesthetic or hating myself…and i dont think my friends relaxed their hair for those reasons either because they had relaxed hair since 8 or 9 or before that, and the choice wasnt made for them.

  • Anonymous says:

    Love it! So true. It is "JUST HAIR" Be your self and live free!!!!XOXOXO! Thrift curly out!

  • MsCrystal says:

    Oooo, interesting. I enjoy doing hair research and how it relates to society, history, marketing, and advertising.

    I've been natural all of my life, and my mom always pressed my hair. I started wearing no-heat styles in 2008. When I want to press my hair now, sometimes, I sort of feel guilty…especially after reading blogs and watching YouTube videos about no heat…Wear your hair kinky, curly, nappy, and be proud! But shoot, if I want my hair straight, I will bring out the flatiron. Yep, it was straight just last week.

    runntelldat…home boi!

  • ChardaeD says:

    Thumbs up to this article. Homeboy's FB status was ridiculous. Personally, to me…hair IS just hair. It's mine, so don't judge it. It's not like I walk around telling *you* what to do. Yes, it is a top racial identifier but guess what? So is everything else that you can see about me! Skin, all that jazz. I'm sure there are some women who actually do hate the idea of kinks, curls, or naps but so what? Let them deal with their inner turmoil.

    People ned to get off their high horses. Go find something better to do.

  • Julissa says:

    Very well written article, I enjoyed reading it. However I don’t agree with any one who says, “hair is just hair”. Just like the statement “relaxing hair is self-hatred” is a generalization, to me “hair is just hair” is also a generalization or sweeping statement. To me, my hair is not just hair and this is the reason why I put so much time and effort into having healthy hair, if it was just hair I wouldn’t care for it the way I do.

    Again I say, well written article and I can honestly say I can see where they’re both coming from, I can understand both points of view.

  • Anonymous says:

    Amen sista, Amen

  • Anonymous says:

    *Relaxing has NOTHING to do with hate

  • Anonymous says:

    Relaxing has to do with hate but its a choice and many donl't know any better and simply pass on their hair care routine to their children and so on.I had my hair permed when i was under 10 so that is all i knew and this year i decided to stop relaxing because of all the damage i had,however i don't put all my relaxed sisters in a box because i don't fo it anymore but have realised it's a choice and it shouldn't always have to be justified.people make choice very day.

    People drink,smoke.take drugs etc… now that is a form of self-hate as that destroys you over time that is SELF-HATE not straightening your hair permanently.

  • Anonymous says:

    I read this blog often. It's great, but never have I been compelled to write a post. And I'll keep this first post simple and to the point. Amen. THANK YOU for your thoughtful and enlightened words.

  • Inspire Unity says:

    Well said sis. Self-hate is really much deeper than hair, this bother is misinformed. Tracing my roots back my family is from Mongolia (Asian) and Ethiopia (African). So if I am part Asian anyway how would I be "trying" to "look" like them, that is who I am! lol. I think he is failing to realize that we are all from different cultures we maybe mix with all kinds of races you may very well be "Black" and have long silky wavy hair with out a perm, and even with that people will assume you have a perm. Hair is beautiful in all its versatility we should embrace it. Just because some may perm there hair does not mean they are going through some type of identity crisis it is simply there preference.

  • Cipriana says:

    As the old saying goes "One should not judge a book by its cover". I am natural meaning no chemicals, heat or color but as a black woman I do not judge others who may process their hair. My natural 4b hair means so much to me because I worked hard for it but most importantly it comes from me and that comfort to just be was definitely a learning process over the years instilled by my parents so I feel fortunate to have this attitude but I realize many may have not had a childhood as similar to mine (not saying I didn't fall victim to the creamy crack but had the foundation to realize it just wasn't for me). Especially with daily American images bombarding us with film, magazines, music videos, etc. I feel a new day is coming especially with sites such as this and youtube, black women now have more inspirations to pull from other black women in their natural state.

    Now I have met many natural black women who are way to wrapped up in their own world and could give a damn about the politics of this country and history of thyself and I have met many black women who choose an unnatural state of hair who are heavily involved in social and political matters. Would anyone accuse Corretta Scott King, Michelle Obama or Oprah for feelings of "self hatred" due to their straightened or chemical hair. Maybe some would but I believe most would not! I know when I hear these amazing women speak my focus is certainly not on their hair but their words.

    Yes there is more in this world then hair but on the other side of that statement, my natural hair to ME is who I am and I am proud to love all of me but the visual of someone who is all natural does not mean a damn if there is nothing intelligent coming from behind it. Therefore I'll stick to what my daddy and mama taught me "Don't judge a book by its cover"!

    Have a great day ladies.

  • Anonymous says:

    sometimes people need to be told. and that man got told. from the story of your locks all the way to short-haired women wanting to stand-up and pee, loved it.

    on a more serious note though, self-hatred is a very real and serious thing. people who straighten their hair because they hate their kinks, in my opinion, don't hate themselves. they don't want to deal with their natural hair and there's nothing seriously wrong with that in my opinion. i'm natural but i pretty much contemplate getting a relaxer on EVERY wash day. i don't because when the process is said and done, i'm happy but curly hair really does take work. very few people get relaxers because they want to appear more white so that man needs to stop spreading that belief. there are some (obviously) but most do not. self-hatred manifests itself in a lot of other very serious and dangerous ways and if this man is truly concerned with black women hating their blackness, his energy would be much more well-spent focusing on something else.

    people need to be more careful with their speech.

  • Anonymous says:

    I LOVE IT!!!!!

  • Unknown says:

    Awesome article and a great read! I totally agree with this article but i have to admit when i first went natural I didnt like what I saw in the mirror. The shortness the kinkyness I didnt like any of it. I am 6 months post Big Chop and I still don't like my appearance with a wash and go. Why, I cant really say, I guess after seeing yourself for 30 years looking one way and then drastically changing has its shock value. But I will not relax it…Why? Cause I like the fact that I don't have to in order to please the next person. Being a natural is just so liberating and with me it's more so about the length and healthy hair than anything I really don't care about the texture. I can't even begin to tell you how many people have asked the guestion "so what are you planning on doing with your hair". Now I just smile and say "whatever my hair feels like doing"

  • Angelina says:

    PPRRREEAAACCHHHHHH!!!! Very well written article.

  • komirra says:

    i really agree with the article. a girl in my dorm is Kenyan and Dominican, with dark skin and has naturally wavy hair. i really think that blanket statements from African-Americans do more damamge to us than what anyone of anther race can say. when i got a relaxer i was 5 and my mom didnt ask me if i wanted it,in fact i didnt even know what it did.
    i bc'ed after transitioning for a year 3 wks ago and i didnt do it b/c i had self-esteem issues i wanted to conquer, to overcome self hatred, or to make a political statement. i even had long, healthy relxed hair.honestly i wanted to change my hair style, b/c i think curly hair is cuter.lol

  • Unknown says:

    May I print ths out and show it some unreflected misogynists in my neck of the wood who spend their days judging black women about their hairstyle choices?
    Men controling women by judging their outer apperance is so over and it bores me to death.
    Anyways, thanks for this awesome article! I so cosign your opinion! My greetings to Kevin 😉

  • Anonymous says:

    Yes, I definitely like this article. For a lot of us, it is just hair. I didn't get a relaxer b/c I hated my natural texture (and in fact didn't like the lifeless, thin hair that many people had, although learned that it was a function of their hair texture, thickness, and in many cases overprocessing), and I didn't stop getting relaxers for any reasons other than I had a hard time finding someone I liked and trusted, and got tired of someone expecting me to pay them after they'd done a bad job and in some cases, ruined my hair (and after years of having nice, thick, relaxed hair, I had a couple of bad run-ins that made me decide that the "convenience" was no longer worth it-had nearly waist length hair one time and mid back length hair another time that was wrecked with ONE bad relaxer application. Yeah, I got a settlement from it but who wants to go through that?).
    One of my friends even commented that it was funny that I had no interest in anything except giving myself control over my hair. And I don't like paying for bad service. No political statement. No statement or fear about relaxers. Just a choice that makes sense for now, and I make no absolute statements or declarations about what I might want in 2, 5 or 10 years.

  • ClosetConfections says:

    Great article. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this. I couldn't agree more with all of the points she addressed. Well done!

    Kendra
    http://closetconfections.com

  • Anonymous says:

    Great article. It is never a good idea to make blanket statements. I am 12 weeks into my transition. I made the decision to go "natural" because the perm was not jiving with my work out schedule — nothing political. For me it is just hair. I have lost about 18 pounds since January. 🙂

  • Unknown says:

    wow wow! WONDERFUL SAID!

  • Nicole I. says:

    I love the article!!!
    Got a laugh and some history to boot. It's just hair… My hair! 🙂

  • Unknown says:

    While I agree with a great deal of what is said- I personally can't deny that myself and my peers got our first relaxer because our moms put them in. We discuss this all the time. We have asked our moms why and the answer has never been positive. Mine said because my hair was nappy. My friends mother's echoed something similar. Once momma did it, without question I carried the torch forward and continued to do it to myself. That story is not mine alone. This is but one of the reasons why people like Kevin feel it is a form of self-hate and I understand it. Is it a blanket statement, maybe. But does it ring true in some ways to me? Yes. I have many opinions on why women torture themselves so for beauty- most of them are traced back to men and the standards THEY (black and white) set for us. But that's a whole other discussion.

  • Anonymous says:

    i looooveeee itttttt. my sentiments exactly.
    As soon as people go natural or they see chris rocks good hair film, they go all political. Its a real shame. Hair is indeed JUST HAIR. it grows and it falls out. people need to chill.

    I completely love your writing and your logic. The understanding you bring to this is so refreshing. I really dont get these die hard naturals. it really is just another hair style
    oh and its so funny how many people assume that as soon as you go natural you are trying to connect with your roots and your inner self. More often than not i find that its just because women want long healthy hair and this is the way they think they can get it. they tried a relaxer and it did not work so now they are trying natural hair. Some people even go back to the relaxer after a few years. Why? because it is just hair and as long as you practice good hair maintenance your hair will grow. with or without relaxer

  • Bionca says:

    This article was fantastic. Thanks for pulling otu the history 101. I always have to do the anthropology speech. It's all social construction and everyone makes assumptions without leaving their own little corner of the earth.
    Thank you again.

  • janiece says:

    "Dying her hair with nuts and berries" lol, classic. This article was written by a well informed, well educated BLACK woman and man am I proud. I read a status on facebook from one of my male friends that said "whats with this 'natural' epidemic? why are all these black girls going natural…it's not a good look for everyone"-well that OPINION is definitely running rampant in the black community. But that's like saying being "natural"- the way God made you- is not a good look. Sometimes it's a catch 22…men say they want a real girl, a natural beauty. But when you give it to them they can't handle it. And women are left to believe that they are not beautiful unless they are weaved up or permed up. You are beautiful as long as that's what YOU believe no matter how your hair is and if there is someone who doesn't agree, then that person isn't for you in the first place…loved this article.

  • Anonymous says:

    Oh wow this is a very well written article *claps*

  • Anonymous says:

    All I can say is WOW on so many levels of "wowness". I need to read this again and again.

  • Anonymous says:

    "I'm further confused because she had color in her hair, and unless she's dying it with nuts and berries from the woods on Good Hope Road, last time I checked COLOR has CHEMICALS."

    You killed me at that. Hilarious. Awesome post Miss Applebaum!

  • Anonymous says:

    Miss Applebaum, well said. I appreciate this article and will pass on to my daughter.

  • Anonymous says:

    This article is well written and successfully articulates how this person (and others like him) downcast women because of the choices they make. It makes me shake my head to think that some stranger who I've never met can judge me, ridicule me, and feel that they are better than me because of my outward appearance. The separation continues unfortunately and what I've learned from being natural is that I'm doing this for me; not to fit in with some group, not to perpetuate some stereotype, not even to become one with my ancestors of the motherland.

    EVERYONE alters their physical appearance if it is their hair or others things, and it is their choice. Our hair is an expression of who we are, but I agree that at the end of the day, hair is just hair. It shouldn't be a catalyst to alienate or segregate ourselves from one another.

  • suqiit says:

    WOW this woman can write!

  • A Simple Thing says:

    I appreciate this article, and chuckled at many familiar things I read there. Sometimes hair *is* just hair.
    But then again, for other people, their hair is an expression of something else.
    I think it's important not to assume too much by a person, simply due to an aspect of their appearance. Like, I get sometimes get judged for wearing a skirt in winter. Maybe I'm a brain washed female who continues to flaunt her sexuality even in the cold weather, oblivious to the threat of hypothermia and frost bite.
    Or maybe I'm someone who cannot find jeans to fit appropriately.
    Everyone's story is different. If we're really that interested, we may do well to listen to them.

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