Jill writes:
I always read stories about transitioners or newly naturals who say that their family and friends tried to convince them of the ill effects of going natural. Well, in my household the subject of my hair is always on the chopping block. Literally.
I have been transitioning for 13 months and my Husband has been trying to get me to big chop for oh……13 months and a day.
He is always offering to assist me in the bathroom, clippers in hand.
I decline each time. While he is ready and I am not.
I admit that he was the one who got me started thinking about transitioning. Lord knows I value his support. But why do I have to sleep with one eye open at night for fear that I will wake up with my hair on the pillow?
So, I suffer in silence for I dare not complain about hours of detangling or dealing with two textures. Can you image how much ammo that would provide him with!
What do you do when you are being pressured to big chop when you are just not ready?
My husband cut my hair for me as a Bday present on 12/19 because he was sick of me saying I was going to cut it. His offer helped me to knuckle up and cut those permed ends off.
Girl I wouldn't even worry about it. I've been transitioning for 11 months and my boyfriend has luckily been the same way.
I say luckily because I've heard so many stories of girls going natural and their SO's hating it!
No one has really pressured me to chop my hair, everyone has just been telling me how much they can't wait to see how it looks after I do it.
To anyone that pressures you, bump them and tell them to hold their horses. Because at the end of the day YOU are the one that has to deal with your hair, NOT them. This is YOUR time to get mentally prepared for the change to come. So do it when you are ready. You want the time you do your BC to be an exciting one, without regret!
Sounds like you should wait. It also sounds like when you vent about your feelings concerning your hair, you really need someone to listen, not to solve. I journal about my hair because it listens and doesn't talk back, I can say what I want no matter how outlandish. I can rave about products, rave about my hair. I can gripe until my hearts content and I can spare hubby the aggravation.
Journaling might also help you to get off the fence, it may help you to discover why you're on it. Hubby is just trying to help you, but only you can really do that. So, pick up a pen!
I have been in transition for about 13 months now and i have yet to make the big chop simply because im not ready! My best friend is my hairdresser and she to has been natural for about 3 years now she tells me all the time to " go ahead and cut it" or "it will grow faster" but the bottom line is im just not ready! and after reading all of the comments im very happy with my decision to wait! THANKS
Do you know how many women would kill to have this problem? 😛 Anyway, support is nice and all, but in the end if you're not happy with your appearance, you're the one that's going to feel it the most. So with that being said, chop when you're ready – not a moment sooner.
And although the pressure is a bit much at this point, take solace in the fact that when you do decide to take the plunge, you'll have a loving husband ready and waiting to give you a helping hand. That's a much more desirable alternative to a disgruntled man screaming, "WTF DID YOU DO?!?", and giving you the cold shoulder for 2 weeks. LOL
Wait until you are ready. I have learned to accept the fact that there will be issues with my hair, no matter the texture, and I have learned to embrace it. I have also learned to journal and find friends that I feel comfortable venting my issues to, for my hubby's first response is to try to help me solve the problem. Additionally, learning to care for all the textures on your head is a wonderful skill to develop and it will help you if or when you decide to grow your natural hair. LLP~OGC
My husband does the same thing! I think it's because when I'm frustrated with the two textures, I complain to him…so, he hears this and tries to help me by saying " Just cut it off, it will be a lot easier." He means well.
This is too funny to me! Nikki you are tooooo clever- You have one post where the hubby "tolerates" his wife's natural hair and follow it with a post where the hubby literally can't wait to see the naps! LOL!!!!!
Personally, I did not have the patience to transition. After 4 months of wearing a wig I got tired and just cut all my hair off. My husband was indifferent. But as my hair grew, he grew to love it. He's fine with the naps, but if I even think about cutting my hair again he will have a fit.
I didn't do a big chop I transitioned and cut off the relaxed end little by little when I felt I needed it. You'll know when your ready to cut off your processed end whether it through a big chop or little by little.
You'll know when the thought of it no longer makes you nervous. The nervousness will turn to excitement.
Tell him to compare it to when he knew he was ready to propose to you. It's nothing anyone can tell you and only you know when it's time. Thank him for his support.
I've been transitioning for the past 6 months. My boyfriend is very supportive of my decision to go natural. In fact, he can't wait to get his hands into my curly goodness. He too, saw the frustration that I was having dealing w/ the two different textures and fervently began encouraging me to go ahead and do the big chop. So, I compromised. On Dec. 11th, I did a 3/4 chop. LOL.
I don't deal well with people pressuring me…so anyone who, at this point in my 13+ month transition, deigns to tell me that I should "just do it" gets a quick and icy, "I'll chop when I'm ready. Until then, mind your business." I dealt with the well-meaning advice for a long time– as soon as I hit 4 months, people started saying, "Well, you know, you'll have to cut it eventually, why not just cut it now?" And I would patiently explain that I have never had short hair in my entire life, and I don't want to start now at almost 30. But after 6 months of explaining, I've lost my patience. I've had no problems transitioning, and I really don't understand why it is anyone else's concern when I chop.
Just be honest with how you feel and don't let the pressure to cut get in the way of your journey. Speak your truth don't hide how you feel.
I can totally relate to how you feel… funny enough, I did the big chop after four months of transitioning. I think your husband (like mine) probably wants to see you done with the frustration of the detangling, avoid the long time that you may spend in the mirror while trying to combine the two different textures, as well as work thru all of the other hard work that goes along with the transitioning process. At first, I didn't understand why my husband kept encouraging me to BC. After a few conversations with my husband and the growing frustration that I began to have with my hair, I clearly understood and agreed with him. It was taking a lot of my time away from him and me as well as my family. I would spend hours in the bathroom trying to manage the long thick locks that I trying to hold onto. Therefore, on Dec. 4, 2010, I made up my mind to big chop my own hair! Yes, I was nervous, but yet felt so free when it was done and over with. Nevertheless, it took me about half of the day to get the butterflies out of my stomach while I asked myself what in the world did I just do… but it was my husband that made me feel so much better about my decision when he looked at me and said, "Babe, it looks beautiful and it’s (the TWA) you so get up and let’s face the world!" I am proud and happy to say that I did the BC because I have more time with my husband and the children, I can wash and go quickly, styling is so much easier and I can spend my extra time doing other important things. In addition, I have gotten so many compliments on my hair from both men and women. I was really shocked about the men and their comments. Didn’t realize how men really love the short hair and the fro (LOL)! So I wish you the best in your decision-making and I encourage you to make the decision that will best suite you and your lifestyle. Lastly, I think your husband just wants to see you happy! Best wishes!
I have been transistioning for 14 months or so and I used to feel the pressure to cut, then I'd tell myself that this is MY hair and MY decision. Once I put my feelings in the atmosphere,people understood. No more pressure to chop.
I agree with Anon 12:50. It is YOUR journey and you have the right to go at the pace that you want. When people pester me about chopping, I just start asking them about when they are going to do something about their hair and that usually shuts em up.lol
I would say wait until you are ready! It doesn't matter if it's taking hours to detangle, if you're okay doing it, wait! The last thing you want is to cut off the relaxed bits and then feel down about it. The transition is also a mental process and I think that's the hardest part. You'll know when you get there. You are lucky to have such a great support system, good luck!
Sue
I transitioned for a year and no one pestered me because they didn't know I had decided to go natural. When I did tell my Fiancé, he was encouraging and supportive. He just sat back over the years and watched all the drama, the weaves, lace fronts and so on. He never said I told you so when I finally announced I was going to Big Chop. From the beginning of our relationship, he always said NATURAL hair was most beautiful things on a black women, I just had to see it for myself.
I've been transioning for 6 months also and my boyfriend has been pressuring/encouraging me to do. So my big day is Dec 17th, I too have been really excited. now that the day is closer im getting very nervous….My niece is coming home a few days early to be my back bone. Hope I dont chicken out.
I hate when people do this. It happens more than people notice. Never heard of a man saying though. Its nice that he's encouraging you? lol
But I have heard from many who went natural before the "trend" they wished that girls wouldn't transition, and embrace their natural hair. I big chopped once after transitioning 6 months…my hair did not thrive..went back to perms. But once I transitioned for a year, I had enough hair that I felt comfortable with, and I was able to protective style. Just do you.
I've been transitioning for 6 months (on Christmas) with these last two month in micros. My husband is supportive and keeps saying 'do it'. Ssssooooo – tonight's the night, a week early. I am going into the bathroom with scissors in hand to Big Chop. I've been excited for weeks and now I'm nervous. Wish me luck(fingers crossed).
Wow…you're really in an interesting situation! It's funny because my husband paid no attention to the struggles I faced as I transitioned for a year+. And ironically enough, when the time came for the BC, I put the scissors in his hands and he cut my hair! He's a Virgo and I knew he'd be very careful, patient and thoughtful. Brave too! LOL. He supported me from start to finish and is TOTALLY in love with my hair now. I think your husband is to be commended for his heartfelt support of your challenges. He probably just wants to see you happy and done with the stress and struggles of having the two textures. AND he probably can't wait to see the all new natural you! Instead of running his fingers through your hair he's waiting to "pat it" like my husband does. Hahahah…it's so cute! Good luck!