On the Couch with Alyssa

For years, I have been searching for ways to do my hair. I was so glad I found your website that I just wanted to thank you for your hair tips and also thank your sister for the post she did about the flexi-rods!

I am mixed, and my hair is super thick with a wavy curl to it. When I was younger, my hair was a pretty long length, but strangely, it was bone straight. It was thick but straight. When I was around 11 or 12 years old, I was under peer pressure to cut my hair to try to be like everyone else. I cut it to my shoulders, and it was the ugliest thing ever. It was dry, 20 times thicker than before, and had a “broomstick” look to it. Ugh, I still cringe thinking about those days. One thing that I did notice is that it was starting to curl up whenever it was wet.

Having parents from 2 different ethnic backgrounds is great but didn’t help me out in the hair department because my hair texture was in its own category. They couldn’t tell me about a curl, and living in south Mississippi didn’t help either. The salons weren’t used to my hair and going to them was a waste of money. I experimented with braids, hot rollers, dozens of flatirons and even the hot comb, and nothing worked. You name it, and I’ve done it. Either they didn’t work or caused my hair to break off. I’ve tried perms. They worked until it was time for me to wash my hair again. Then it would look just like it had before I got the perm except it was dry, and my ends were damaged. I was so frustrated with my hair. I hated it with a passion. I went to a predominately black high school. So, all of my friends were going to the shop getting body wraps and styles. I was so envious. My mom was playing with my hair one day and decided to try something new. She sectioned my hair off in 1 inch by 1 inch sections and rolled it on a chopstick. She used some organic lock and twist gel all the way to the root and pulled the chopstick out. I know it sounds crazy, but it worked! I was just amazed. I had curls all over, and the lock and twist gel held it together without it frizzing. I wore that style until I graduated from high school. I loved it. My hair was still thick, and by then, it grew back to the middle of my back. It took two hours just to put the curls in my hair, and my mom was doing it for me. Since my college is out of state and away from her, I started looking for new ways to do my hair.

Well needless to say, the search was a big flop. I’ve bought so many products that didn’t work. Gels, mousse, and even “Right On!” Curl Activator didn’t work. I looked like Sexual Chocolate from Coming To America! Giving up, I just started wearing my hair in a ponytail. Every now and then I’ll pay out of my behind to get a really good flatiron done to my hair. I was just tired of my “some timing” hair. I could never wash-and-go because I looked like Diana Ross by noon, and not in a good way! I started to not care. I noticed my hair was an equivalent to my self-esteem. It defined me. I wanted that Joan from Girlfriends look but could never get it. The only problem was that I couldn’t style it to its full potential or just flat out didn’t know how.

Yesterday, my dear cousin told me about your website because she is always on Google conducting a search. She told me that we both were taking care of our hair the wrong way and that I should check it out. I did, and loved it. Your site is so informative, and I was so interested in it that I was up until 2am looking at old posts! My cousin was right. I was not taking good care of my hair at all. When I ran into the post where your sister did the flexi-rods, I decided I had to give it a try myself. I did it today and used the same products that she said she had used. It worked! It’s big, but I love it! It’s soft and gave my curls just the little boost that it needed. I am definitely going to stick to this and start really being attentive with my hair as far as regimens and products. I feel as though this is the true me. I am embracing my natural hair and all of me. I have finally found me.