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Curly Nikki

Self-Concept Thursday

By January 27th, 202116 Comments

I used to walk around with a victim mentality, waiting for life to disappoint me. Everytime something went wrong on the outside, I went wrong on the inside. My mood was easily affected and if something rubbed me the wrong way, it could easily trigger me to slide into a depression. Sound familiar at all?

If so, I encourage you to acknowledge your triggers – the things that upset, anger and sadden you. By exploring our shadows, we can make peace with them.

Here’s my personal example:

One of my triggers is feeling a little bit (or a lot) down when I hear about someone else achieving something that I want to achieve. (That was tough to admit!) Especially, if the person is close to me in age and circumstances. I ask myself, if such and such did it, how come I haven’t done it yet? *enter self-pity and self-defeating thoughts* Then, to punish myself further, I’d feel guilty for having these feelings/thoughts in the first place and I’d feel like a bad person. *enter self-loathing and sadness*

I know this trigger very well, and it no longer has the power over me that it used to. Instead of wallowing in self-pity, I use the emotions as fuel to continue on my own path. This shift in perception comes from understanding that things are not always what they seem. Why should I be distracted by romanticizing someone else’s life, when I have my own life to live and lessons to learn? Sure, I still feel unpretty emotions like envy. But now I know how to interpret the emotions. I’m not a bad person who doesn’t want to see others do well. On the contrary, I love to see others succeed; I just don’t want to be left behind. The negative feelings come from my insecurity telling me that I can’t keep up.

I use the following affirmations to get my mind right when I feel insecure feelings like jealousy and envy bubbling up:

* I am worthy, capable, and destined to make a difference in the world.
* Everyone’s path is different. I can never miss out on what is meant for me.
* I must set my own pace and I only need to keep up with myself.
* There is more than enough love and abundance to go around.
* I’m calm and centered and on the right track. All I have to do is keep stepping.

Your Turn:

It’s time for some self-reflection. When you have a moment, pull out your journal and make a list of your triggers. Consider why these things steal your joy and how you can manage them differently in the future. Create a list of affirmations to combat those negative feelings. The goal is not to be devoid of emotion, but to understand your emotions so that they can’t mislead you.

Share your insights with us in the comments!


  • Tiffany says:

    Awesome post. We can all shine without putting anyones light out.

  • Anonymous says:

    You hit the nail on the head with this. So glad I came by tonight.

  • Anonymous says:

    Wow…just…WOW! Thank you!

  • Anonymous says:

    I can definitely relate to this! thanks!

  • Anonymous says:

    I like your post luvmylocs, so on point! I agree that we should all be content in our current situations while working toward our goals! STOP TRYING TO BE LIKE THE JONES…U MAY TRIP YOURSELF UP!

  • Anonymous says:

    This article was soooo helpful! I just had a moment yesterday, & this really was a great help in sorting through some things. Great job!

  • luvmylocs says:

    i always like these! there's always someone looking at your life and would kill to have what you have, the job you complain about going to, the kids you gripe about taking care of, the husband that wants sex all the time. we all have something in our lives that we're taking for granted and we all see something in another person we wish we had. i guess the key is to be content while working towards your goals.

  • Ms. Overproof says:

    Thank you for this article! I just try to remember I am a work in progress and tune out the white noise of the nay sayers

  • Haviland says:

    My goodness..this is exactly how I feel..I couldnt even have worded it more eloquently..just thank you!

  • Terez says:

    Thank you for these tips. I was feeling that self pity earlier this week. I find that when I start feeling down that I have to delve into serving others, such as my daughter and husband. I do for others, and giving makes me feel better.
    Also, my mother always said to count your blessings. When I realize what all I have, it makes me forget what I don't have.

  • Ashley M. says:

    This was my favorite quote:
    "I must set my own pace and I only need to keep up with myself"
    Another reason why I LOVE this website…Nikki is So Real!!

  • nikkinukka1 says:

    this is insane! i just had a self pity moment yesterday afternoon. I needed to read this because I love seeing people happy but when i cant keep up it makes me depressed. this really touches home with me this morning!

  • Unknown says:

    Wow! I definitely needed this today too. I just graduated and it seems like everyone has a job/offer but me. It really has been taking a tole on me and making me feel incapable and lazy. Now I have a reference and can pick myself back up. Thanks!!!

  • Anonymous says:

    Thank you so much for posting this today. It's amazing that I have come here on more than one occasion and felt as if someone has been reading my mind. It's like I really needed to read that today.

  • Greenie says:

    I posted this little poem on another subject but I think it is appropriate here as well:

    "I Try" by Greenie
    My self-esteem is high.
    Why? Because I try.
    I'm shy but I try
    And that alone makes me fly.

    (double entendre intended)

  • Alta Angel says:

    I just had this conversation with someone yesterday. At some time or another, we all feel this way. What helps me is to literally count my blessings and to verbally thank God for all that He has done for me. By the time I am finished compiling my list, I am in awe of the blessings of God that I have received in my life. I am goal oriented, so I also take it as an opportunity to see if my goals are still aligned with my vision. I know my steps are ordered, and that what He has for me is mine! Lastly, I send an email, note, or word of sincere congratulations to the recipient of that promotion, wedding proposal, etc.

    Thank you for this article!

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