by GG of the Write Curl Diary When I was a little girl, I discovered that I could get attention with my hair. Good attention, bad attention – it didn’t matter. People always had something to say about it. I was never the coolest, best dressed, or the prettiest – but my hair was always a distinguishing characteristic. So, I became very attached to it.
And to some extent, I still am. It’s a security blanket. My favorite accessory. My flair. If I were a flower and my body was a stem with leaves then my hair would be the petals. In this post, I express my desire to often hide behind my hair. I’m a work in progress and despite my most earnest efforts to love myself without conditions, it’s not effortless for me. I still feel inclined to rely on certain physical traits to make me feel beautiful. So, I ask myself – what if there was no hair to hide behind? I could lose all my hair for any number of reasons and then what? Would I no longer feel beautiful? Would I feel like a flower with no petals?
This line of thinking helps me to put it all in perspective. While my hair is an outward expression of my love for myself and the temple that God has given me, it’s a temporary fancy. What will always remain, however, is the wisdom and self-knowledge that I gain from expressing myself through my hair. So, however you choose to express yourself – remember that it’s not about the thing itself. It’s about what you learn from committing to be authentic in your efforts and detached from the need for approval.
I really felt what this post was saying. My hair has always been an attention grabber, whether it was permed or natural. The funny thing is that since I transitioned, I've become less obsessed with it. I still love my hair ( I might even love it more because it is stubborn, just like me), but I no longer freak out if a hair is out of place or a style does not turn out how I think it should.-Lexi
@Kin la Belle- I'm sorry that your friend was not supportive. Sometimes the people closet to you know just what to say to hurt you the most. I am glad that you were strong enough to get the negativity out of your life. It is hard to let a friend go.
@Kin la Belle
Geez that's awful. Sometimes I feel like when you make someone your best friend, you give them all the ammunition they need to become your worst enemy. I'm happy that you were brave enough to stop talking to her.
For most of my childhood, the only positive comment i ever heard was that I had "a lot of hair". I assumed that was a good thing. Years went by and I learned to love myself a little more. When I turned 21 I did my first big chop. My then best friend told me, "no one's going to think you're pretty now that you don't have 'that hair'." Wow.
I cut my hair anyway and I was still FINE!
BTW, that 'Negative Nancy' and I are not friends anymore 🙂 !
To me my hair is basically just another accesory. I can style it anyway and people comment. If I cut it I feel almost no way about it. It's just like saying I went out with no earrings on. I just did my second big chop and people ask me why I cut off my beautiful hair and I ask them why did they put on those earrings today or why that purse. A woman is not beautiful because of her hair, but rather, hair is beautiful because of the woman. When people start seeing that then they will see that they can be beautiful whether they are bald or have hair down to their ankles.
To me, hair is an overall reflection of my physical and mental well-being- just like the rest of my body.
I try my best to care for my mind, body and soul in equal amounts. I know people whose hair looks great, but their mind and body are jacked. I also know peopl whose mind seems together, but theier hair is jacked. Lol
To me, life (in general) is about seeking BALANCE.
I have a serious attachment to my hair. It is my pride and joy. I remember when I was younger my mother would take me to the salon, if I didn't like my hair, I would cry. So yes, if someone cut my hair, or did a horrible dye job (which is why I've never done it), I would lose it! My hair is "my precious"! lol
I was just like you growing up, my hair always gave me lots of attention. Although I was pretty and made good grades girls hated me for one thing…I had long hair. This bothered me to no end and being a pre-teen and teenager there was nothing I could do about it because my Mom was not going to cut it. So, over time and with increased confidence I no longer cared what people thought and when they realized that their comments no longer affected me they stopped.
However, until four days ago (I did my BC after 8 months of transitioning), I have never had short hair. And can I say it is the best decision I have ever made :). It makes myself as well as others concentrate on my other features and realize that my hair is just an extension of me and it does not define me. Although the BC is a big deal and a huge decision for most I think it is something we should all experience so that we can have at least one time in our life when we don't have long hair to "hide" behind. It brings about a new confidence that I have never experienced with any other hair style or hair cut. I have truly fallen in love with my entire self, inner and outer :).
~LB
"I was never the coolest, best dressed, or the prettiest – but my hair was always a distinguishing characteristic." Ditto, me. Even when my hair was shorter (a bob) while permed, it always got attention. So it was quite an adjustment to have almost none when I big chopped, and it's still a struggle some days to not have my ponytail to fall back on. I still get comments on my hair now, but I get through just fine by myself most of the time, and I like my hair this length more than I thought I would.
What a great question. Actually cutting all my hair off made me pay attention to my face! Made me realize that hair or not..I am beautiful! This big chop thing took my self love on a ride…a ride I plan to stay on!