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Curly Nikki

On the Couch with Danielle S.

By January 27th, 202112 Comments

On the Couch with Danielle S.Big Chop!

Pretty, Sexy and Natural

by Danielle of Naturallydani76

I recently read an article from KisforKinky that made me think. It is entitled “How sexy does your natural hair make you feel?”. She was talking about how when she first went natural she hated how she looked with her natural hair.

For me when I first went natural it wasn’t really that big of a deal. I did a semi Big Chop, but since my hair was already short, it didn’t shock me too much. But, after a couple of days I was like… wow! Did I really just shave what little bit of relaxer I had left in my head clear off?!
Then as I started growing it out, there were some days where I felt pretty but NONE where I felt sexy. I wore the big earrings to feel girly and I’ve always been a makeup chick, but I just didn’t feel sexy. And that was just getting crazy to me, because I looked at photos of myself when I had a relaxer but needed a touch up and I would just slick my hair back and it would curl up and I felt sexy then. I started to wonder… what strange hold did having a relaxer have on how I really felt about myself?

On the Couch with Danielle S.6 months of growth

I had to take a long hard look at myself in the mirror – at me – not my hair. It’s just hair! I would tell myself that all the time before, but I guess I didn’t really believe it… I am NOT my hair. My hair is not what makes me me. It’s not what makes me a woman, it’s not what makes me sexy – all of that truly comes from the inside. I have to continue to tell myself that.

How do you feel as a Natural Woman?

Did you immediately find your swag?

How sexy does your natural hair make you feel?


  • MsK.Roberts says:

    I know i'm late. But I too have worn short permed hair. Ironed out, flipped, curly and felt funky and sassy! But with my twa twistout/fro I can't quite seem to find my swag! LOL. I colored my hair jet black and like it better now but i'm still struggling a little bit. But coming to curly nikki and other sites it helps to see the hair inspiration.

  • Monie_Love says:

    I BC'd 7 going on 8 weeks ago. I had a "OMG what did I do" moments for two weeks after i cut. My problem wasn't that my hair was all natural but that I'd cut it so short. So I wore a hat until got comfortable with it. I probably would have been in a better mental state to accept my new short 'fro if it wasn't finals week and graduation wasn't a week away. *shrug* Whatever. I love my hair! I find myself daydreaming of new styles and products I want to try lol. I'm definitely more confident than i ever was with relaxed hair.

  • Skyy M. Bailey says:

    i did a semi big chop b/c i hadnt had a perm in almost a year. After I cut it I was like what the hell did I just do. I really didnt have a great support system maybe just one cousin. Im two months in & now i can say Im in love with my hair now. I wish I could give it a hug lol. With my short hair that is growing unevenly I feel like the Queen of Africa. I feel better than I have ever felt with relaxed hair. I feel sexy & a lot of other feeling but overall I feel GOOD!

  • Anonymous says:

    LOL Anon 11:58, depending on what I've done to my hair or how I slept on it, I often call it "Sideshow Bob" hair bust out laughing and then try to work it into a style. I was around in the '60s when we first went natural. Even as a young girl I often wore my hair very short and curly. Now that I'm a natural great granny and have finally learned how to take better care of my hair I love it even more. Having my boyfriend play with my twists or stick his hand in my twist outs doesn't hurt either!

  • Tiffany says:

    I have to be real and say I've been up, down, and all around when it comes to how I feel about my hair. I transitioned with braids, so I never really engaged in the styles for up-and-coming naturals. I just took out the braids, went to the shop and cut off the last bits of relaxer. After my wash, my beautician gathered my hair in his hands and said "This is what I'd like to do with your hair" It was a gorgeous, curly frohawk! I'd never seen my hair do that before and I was in love! I didn't know how to style it when I got home, thus, enter the less-than-feeling-sexy days. Not knowing what to do with my hair always makes me feel less than a woman. I find myself trying to style it so it's "good enough" but never sexy. Then, when I pressed it for 5 months straight (medical school interviews), that's when I became really sad. It was like I was transitioning all over again (my curls and kinda soft and don't tolerate heat styling too well) because of my frizzy, and worse, straight, hair. I'm back to kinky twists right now "transitioning" again. Honestly, with my kinky twists in, I'm feeling sexier and more confident because I am no longer afraid of what my hair will do. I look forward to the day when I will take them down, wash my hair, and liberate myself of these darned heat straightened strands, but till then, I'm just protective styling all day every day.

  • Anonymous says:

    I look like sideshow bob with natural hair…a year after my last relaxer I have yet to leave the house without wigs or braids. Maybe when my hair gets out of this in between phase I'll feel grown and sexy but now I look in the mirror and see a ten yr old whose hair is all fuzzy after swimming.

  • Renita says:

    I am 5 whole days post-BIG CHOP and am having an identity crisis. although I have been natural — perm free — for over 10 yrs. I recently decided to whack it all off as a result of color damage (blonde) and post-partum thinning (daughter is almost 6 and my body and hair have never fully recovered; hair texture has totally changed). I have a tapered my back and sides and left a little on top to feel feminine. The first day of my BIG CHOP I felt pretty good about it. But today? not so much. My length made me feel sexy. I'm trying to suck it up and just go with my hair and this phase or regrowing healthy hair minus the harsh dyes. I will say that I do not miss blow drying my hair nor the flat iron and subsequent wrapping of my hair. I just ultimately miss my hair! Pray for me… LOL!

  • Unknown says:

    It took a while for me to even feel pretty with my natural hair, it felt like I couldn't recognise that person staring at me in front of the mirror. Afterwards I started changing my definition of beauty with what God says my beauty is. It helped so much cause now I'm like "girl check out that fro" I really love myself and I love being natural because it's just facing up to your real beauty. I would never trade this journey for anything!

  • Anonymous says:

    When I was transitioning I looked a hot mess because I didn't do ANY transitioning styles. #collegestudent…anyways, the demarcation line was pretty obvious, unless my headband that day was doing an unusually excellent job. So when I did my mini-chop, I def felt better…when I did my big chop though, at first, didn't feel so hot, just happy and liberated. With time though I've definitely found my swag allll the wayyy turnttt upppp…okay, sorry, couldn't resist. But I think it's also because I'm in love with my summer wardrobe consisting of dresses and harem pants/am living abroad where men very much appreciate my hurr…

  • Anonymous says:

    When I first cut my hair, I had to ask myself what in the world did I just do. My hair was already short, so I didn't cut tons of hair. But I cut it and cut the perm off no less!! There was some days, I felt and looked a hot mess, I am sure. But I never forgot the feeling of feeling authentic. I never forgot the feeling of watching my hair grow from my own scalp, that's not to say, I still don't rock my wigs from time to time. I still do!!!lol. After a few months of really getting to know my hair, I started to feel pretty good. I started to get my sway after experimenting. However, it truly does come from withing. Long hair, short hair, etc., truly does not define us. This I am on a learning curve about.

  • Anonymous says:

    I loved my hair right away and felt sexy right after my big chop. I was never into much makeup but I loved earrings and especially liked the contrast in having super short hair and girly hoops.

  • Anonymous says:

    I never did a drastic big chop. I transitioned for a good year and a half. When I did and started experimenting with different styles I felt…cute…pretty. The styles were mainly curly afros so I thought how sexy could I be. But as time passed and I began working with different styles, I found myself looking more and more sexy. But my hair hadn't changed much; it was more of how I saw myself. I found my natural hair swag! Now that I have more length my BF loooves it even more. He calls it bedroom hair 😉

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