Ok, so I decided to deviate a bit from the topic of hair today. Why so? Well I want to touch a bit on the topic of social networking, scandal, and stupidity. I’ve been known to drop my two-cents occasionally on relationships and sex- so infidelity and cheating are topics that are very familiar to me.
So yesterday, when the scandal broke about married Rep. Anthony Weiner contacting women via Facebook, Twitter, and other social networking sites, I became involved in an interesting discussion with one of my male friends about men and cheating. The reality is that infidelity is as old as time. But what’s still relatively new to all of us is this epidemic of using social networking sites to cheat. Did you know that Facebook has been linked to 66 percent of divorces in the U.S. according to the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers (AAML)? Yes folks- it’s that rampant.
Cheating is wrong period. But personally, I’m completely perplexed when married men (especially high profile figures like politicians) use social networking sites to cheat. It seems like every other day we’re having politicians or public figures do press conferences to apologize for their naked bathroom cell phone pics or extramarital children. Is there no longer any shame or sensibility in the cheating game?
What are your thoughts on people using social networking to cheat? And what’s going on with these married politicians sending texts of their goodies to women on Craigslist and Facebook? Why get married?- Or here’s an even better question- Why not do things anonymously if you’re going to eCheat?
Essence.com has a great article by a young man who shares why he won't cheat on his wife. It's a great read.
It's my understanding that the Representative was a noted ladies man. Perhaps the wife should have chosen wisely, agreed Chinyere. And no, I'm not blaming her, but I'm sure there might have been doubts somewhere.
#anon 6:18p.m. 20 years ago it was lipstick on the collar and the other woman's perfume.
Thanks for the "inside scoop" Chinyere. Your brother gave you a wealth of info. I, too have heard similar sentiments from my platonic male friends.
Um, it was Twitter, not FB. Can people the facts straight before they start commenting? I mean, clearly, none of you has read the story if you are all jumping on the "ban Facebook" bandwagon. He wasn't hacked. He sent his message to his Twitter account which went to thousands of people instead of the intended target.
@Jeannette, totally agree with you. Before social networking and email, people would use the personals ads in the newspapers. The internet factors in more b/c it is ubiquitous, not because it is somehow a device of evil.
If you'd done the same survey 20 years ago, a different method of communication would have been the origination point. People who want to cheat will do so using whatever means they have access too. The problem with the net is that you leave a trail that is easily followed, and also that your information can be passed along if it is either hacked or sent to the wrong person (the latter was the case in this situation).
Technology actually makes it much EASIER for your cheating to be exposed. If you use a hotel, they have your credit card records too. That wasn't a problem when people had to use cash.
I mean, if you were going to rob a bank, you wouldn't wear a name tag so it's funny that people will send identifiable pictures of themselves about. Or texts. Or emails.
It's just too easy to send something to the wrong person or for the intended target to have a change of heart and share it with the world.
Cheating aside,the lesson for all of us is to think twice before we hit send whether its a tweet,text or a fbook comment, or photo. It seems like we've lost our ability to filter and a sense of appropriateness. It's increasingly difficult to drive home this message to tweens and teens when we have high profile adults behaving badly.
Whether it's Facebook, online, email what ever, people are going to find ways to cheat. I don't pay too much attention to the statistics that Facebook has been linked to 66% of divorces because the common factor is People. People are responsible for their own actions and they use social networking sites etc to do their dirty deeds. I think there was just as much infidelity before social networking as there is now, it's just that it is easier to access personal information with our advanced technology, makes it easier to cheat and easier to get caught.
why can't your spouse get into your FB account? It is always interesting to me when spouses won't share the passwords on their cellphones, emails or whatever with their significant other.
you would share your body, mind and soul with him, but not your facebook account…really? why not? something doesn't jive there!
I believe another problem with Facebook and the internet is that it gives people a false sense of anonymity. They think their actions are in secret like Representative Weiner.
Of course Weiner then compounded his actions by lying about it, insinuating that he was hacked. He doesn't seem like he married for love, but because it was part of Life's next steps. So the emotional investment appears lacking to me. Either way, I can't believe he would think all those women he sent it to, wouldn't sell him. He is arrogant and he is paying for it.
My brother told me that men cheat because the idea of eating one brand of muffin everyday is just boring. They want to sample other flavors and types, and it has got nothing to do with his love for his wife. That sex with someone else isn't loving someone else. In fact, he comes home every night to his wife, pays bills etc. he loves his wife and his family above all. I asked how he would feel if she did that to him, he said he would be devastated, but women aren't built like that. Women can't have casual sex and not catch feelings, but men can.
While I thought that was simply ridiculous, that is truly how he and his buddies feel. I asked my brother if I keep my hubby sex-up, never refusing any advances from him etc, will that keep him from cheating? My brother said NOPE!
He said a lot of times the sex outside marriage has nothing to do with the wife, but him wanting an adventure, a space where he is having fun, not thinking about wife, kids, work etc. So keeping your legs open like 7-11 won't guarantee your man won't cheat. It's like going to the strip clubs, his wife can dance like that but sometimes he wants to see someone else shake it.
I asked what can I do then? He said, it just depends on your spouse's character, values, morals etc. so choose wisely. Find out their habits before you, look at his friends and family and their values etc.
Can't we all just talk about natural hair?
Where there's a will there's a way. A cheater will find a way to do it and social networking is just making it easer for some. Social networking is a viable way for extremely busy folks to get their groove on and some may find a shield (of sorts) behind a computer screen.
People shouldn't be so damn stupid and believe there is a such thing as "privacy" when it comes to the internet. There is NONE and what you do in the dark will come to light. 😉
Facebook shouldn't be so damn easy to hack. I have 3 close friends, including myself who's spouse has gotten into their FB account.
The problem is that with all the tracking software and history checks and what not, there is not such thing as being discreet on the web. Once you put it out there, that's it! It can always be linked back to you. Now that many people are accessing the web through their phones, there's no telling what a cell phone provider can keep track of in regards to data and history. All I can say is that it's getting hard out here for a pimp, which is awesome. The truth will be brought to the light somehow some way, regardless of the ease that technology provides.
Ashleymadison.com anyone? I don't understand cheating. You have only been married for one year and already you need to get your ego stroked by other women?
I know it's nice to hear that someone thinks you are hot, especially if you don't get to hear it that much, but get a grip on yourself (pun intended) and get some self-control.
If you are feeling "in the mood" to be frisky, contact your wife. Send some naked texts to her!! You can't get in too much trouble doing that can you. Also, dont' use twitter to send any pictures of yourself. Send it another way so that you don't mistakenly send it to EVERYBODY!
There is a debate going on about if he was "cheating" or not. If you would not do that in front of your spouse, then it's cheating.
You said it "ECheat"…
Market that! Create an online cheaters site, where cheaters can at least TRY to be sneaky about it and create a fake profile so that the cheating can never be traced back to them!
I don't condone cheating either. When I heard the story I was like "REALLY…FACEBOOK??? You KNEW you would get caught! It's FACEBOOK!!!"