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Curly Nikki

Are You Ashamed of Your Kinky Nape & Kitchen?

By January 27th, 202136 Comments

by KurlyBella of Kisforkinky.com

“You need to shave them buckshots, beadie bead! Them beadie beads is out of control girl!” – Martin

This weekend I lived in my beanie. I was just too lazy to take my hair out so I went with comfort and ease which for me automatically equals a beanie or some form of a head wrap. While I was out this weekend, beanie’d up, I stopped by this cute little boutique in my neighborhood. That day, there was a new sales lady, who also happened to be a natural with a blonde TWA. We talked about everything and I tried on clothes for over an hour. While I was there, I had to take off and put on my beanie repeatedly to get the different shirts over my head. On my last try, I must have half way pulled my beanie down in the back because my kitchen was partially exposed unbeknownst to me. When I got the the counter to pay, I could see my profile out of the corner of my eye in the over-sized mirror that graces the boutique’s wall. Making their presence known were my little knots. Since I was in need of a nape moisture session, it was presenting itself as knotty – or what was called when I was growing up, beady-bead or buckshot.

What is a beady bead? Well, if you don’t know, according to urban dictionary, it’s “the little knapps that grow down someone’s neck when they are in need of a haircut, edge-up or line / a word used to describe nappy-naps in the back of a females head.”

Many kinky girls with kinky napes have heard the jokes or names made in reference to their kitchen. Infamously, Martin Lawrence from the TV sitcom, Martin, used his TV character to make picking on kinky kitchens popular. His character made it known to everyone that would listen that he had a problem with “nappy kitchens” and he teased his neighbor and wife’s best friend, pam, about her hair without mercy.

“…and ya hair – ya hair looks good….what is that, velcro?” – Martin

As I was standing at the checkout waiting to be handed my bags, I thought about my kitchen and how I know some naturals that to this day, are ashamed of their kinky edges and nape. They are ashamed of the idea of their kitchen showing or “sticking out.” The idea of going out without a product used to smooth the kitchen down first is bothersome and just not gonna happen. Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t normally walk around with my little knots by default. As I’ve mentioned before, I don’t necessarily care for how it looks (nor is it good for my hair because when I get knots that means no moisture), but this day they were there front and center and I shrugged if off because it was what it was.

“Well thank…you…Pam. Now what you need to do is go in the back and straighten out them buck shots! Girl, yo hair is so nappy, Wilson couldn’t pick it!” – Martin

I know I have a kitchen and it does not bother me that it’s not a really curly or wavy kitchen. Nope, my kitchen is kinky and it can get knotty and it can “beadie bead” up.

“It does not bother you that you are not even going to be able to relax your kitchen once you go natural?” I was once asked during my transition. I did think about it for a minute but in the end, a simple “nope” was my response.

Knowing that my nape was kinky didn’t bother me then and it does not bother me now. It did bother me (a lot) when I was relaxed and I used to be ashamed of my nape especially when it would grow in faster than the rest of my hair in between my relaxers, but all of those negative thoughts started to slowly melt away once I decided to go natural. I’m not ashamed of my kinky nape because I’ve accepted it as a part of me. I do what I need to do to keep it moisturized unless I slip up and get lazy like I did last week, but even still when I’m “slipping up” and my nape is kinked up and others see this for themselves, I could care less. I’m keeping it moving while I #kanyeshrug. My hair is kinky and my nape is no exception.

what say you? have you ever been called beadie-bead? do you have a very kinky kitchen? how do you care for it? does it bother you if you nape is showing and giving off a kinky or knotted look?

36 Comments

  • LuLu says:

    I never even heard of these terms: nappy ktchen etc – until last night when Dr. Derrick Shepherd learned about his daughter's kitchen on Grey's Anatomy.

    And my heritage is part African-American! My mixed-race grandmother and most of her sisters were beauticians in her Chicago beauty salons.

    My curly type is 3B, my nape is smooth, no kitchen.

    Glad I found this site – can't wait to try some of these conditioning treatments.

  • predestined10 says:

    I dont like my nappy edges… But thats life **kanye shrug**will be locking up in 2 weeks Iam so happy loose hair is not for me …

  • Anonymous says:

    Loves my kitchen! I have nice fat juicy curls. Wouldn't cut it for the world. I have noticed that since I now have a routine that the hair at my nape has grown much longer.

  • Anya Posh says:

    I really can't stand that part of my nape. With 4B hair growing down the sides of my neck, I feel like an animal when too much hair grows out of place. I don't think it would matter if my hair was straight or wavy. I'm a very hairy person to begin with but I'm still extremely uncomfortable with my hair, including the ones growing down the sides of my neck, sideburns, eye-brows connecting with hairline, and mustache. It's just too much darn hair! So I understand the "velcro" comments, I can relate 100% :-/

  • Anonymous says:

    Thanks Madeaj! I will try this out and see if it works for me. My kitchen is too short to braid up yet, but hopefully this will get me started. 🙂

  • Madeaj says:

    @Anon 10/5 10:56

    You have a good point. I use the same method to keep my edges. I use water and my pomade. I pat a little water to moisturize and then pat on my pomade mix. I don't use a brush, just my fingers. My edges don't lay flat but they are full, healthy, curly coily, soft and not dry. Touchable, lol, which is why I have HIH even when I'm wearing an updo.

  • Anonymous says:

    *wouldn't

  • Anonymous says:

    I'm Anon 4:07 10/04/11. I think it would be helpful to hear people's tips on how they PRESERVE their kitchen (as opposed to just hearing from those who shave theirs off). I think if I was able to grow my kitchen out a bit, it would get knotty/beady as much…Anyone have a good/successful experience preserving their kitchen?

  • Vetsnatural says:

    My hair at my nape and front used to be the areas that I would perm first in the CFC days. When I went natural I noticed that these areas were the 3c hair areas of my head. My crown area is the most course and dry area on my whole head maybe 4b/4c. That is also the area that experiences breakage from styling or dryness so I style that section last, with less tension and moisturize and seal that area the greatest. Whenever I see breakage at the nape it is usually because that is the section of hair that gets the most friction and has a tendency to untwist on its own and become unprotected.

  • Anonymous says:

    Black girl from England, you are the only that seems riled up.

    I am enjoying these comments!

  • tamar says:

    am i the only one that was cracking up at those martin jokes? haha!

  • Anonymous says:

    I remember being told I needed to "clean up my kitchens" all the time. But outside of middle school no one cared and neither do I.

  • Nadine says:

    I give that area a shape up once it grows out of control. I cut it off completely and shape up the line from ear to ear. When grown out, I PERSONALLY do not like how it looks when I wear my hair up, I also do not like how it feels. Maybe mines is just more unruly than others.

  • Anonymous says:

    My nape area is almost straight while the rest of my head is a 4a/4b. Smh. lol

  • Anonymous says:

    I've never had a problem with my "kitchen" (never it is called that before). I BC'd on Saturday and both my dad's girlfriend and my mother said that I should cut/shave my nape hair. I'm just leaving it alone.

  • Anonymous says:

    I hate them! They knot up and it hurts when I try to detangle that area. I thought maybe that it was just dryer because of gel, scarfs sucking up moisture or because that's where the most friction occurs, but no matter what I do differently and how much moisture I put there… they ball up! Ugh I really am thinking about getting a lining.

  • Anonymous says:

    I'm not saying "all" but I believe many natural people are concerned about brushing that area and gluing it down. I've even seen this with the hairline on the side of the head also. I wonder if this is really smoothing the hair for "styling sake" or is it because of shame of those little curls.
    Personally, I don't care what others think about my curlies. I'm more concerned abou the hair breakage in that area. And cutting those little curls doesn't always work because I for one don't want a high nape line…the little curls just reappear because of breakage which I believe is caused by friction.

  • Anonymous says:

    hahaha….. this is so funny you mentioned this. So for weeks now I been looking at the nap of my neck say. Girl you need to clean that up. For me my sideburns and my lovely nap of my neck always curly hair. It is not nappy or knots up. It just looks to be like I am some wild animal. So I couldn't take it any longer and I cut it off. I from time to time will let it stay until I get to that point. I have to say you truly had be laughing it up at work today.

  • daromun says:

    Just like @Anonymous 4:07PM, I have dry, fragile, breaking nape issues. I'm not ashamed of its kinkiness, but my goodness, I feel like my kitchen doesn't want to be associated with me! I want it to exist in all its kinky glory, so I've been on a quest to get it to a healthy and bountiful state, but it's definitely a challenge.

  • Anonymous says:

    My only beef with the hair that grows in my "kitchen" or nape, is that it's VERY difficult for me to retain length there. It's very dry, and because it rubs against the collar of my clothes, it just breaks a lot. I was watching a youtuber who did one solid cornrown across her kitchen every night as a protective method to preserve the hair…don't hate my kitchen just wish it didn't require so much nurturing!

  • BarBQ says:

    I wore my hair up recently and my mom, very old school, looked at the back of my neck in horror. I was completely beadie beed up back there, lol. I combed it out for her, but it was like that because I had always assumed it wouldn't grow and shaved my kitchen off. It was only after some research aka hair blog stalking that I thought I might be wrong. It almost 3 inches long now and I make 3 tiny cornrows to keep it from breaking off while it grows. That hair is very fragile and rubs against clothes, but its not true that you have to have a kitchen and if you do wear it in good spirit. lol, life is too short and you might need to cook something up.

  • Marcia says:

    I always call them curly cues (ques…I have never actually written it out).

    @Black girl from England…please do not generalize using "black Americans" phrasing. It is unfortunately divisive. You were responding to ONE comment…not an entire group of people. Thanks!

  • Madeaj says:

    I like my nape curls and coils. Beadie bees, whatever! Don't matter none to me what someone else wants to call them. When I first stop relaxing I got a few comments but I laughed them off and when these people couldn't get a rise out of me they went on to someone else more sensitive. Nape coils go along with the territory. Curly hair is curly hair. I actually find myself playing with the coils when my hair is in a updo, I love the feel of them.

  • Anonymous says:

    My hair at my nape and behind my ear are looser. The rest of my hair is kinky.

  • Black girl from England says:

    Why is it self hate because you don't want ur hair to knot? I swear black americans are looking for things to get riled up about. My skin is naturally dry. Do i hate myself because I moisturise it?

  • Anonymous says:

    My kitchen is actually quite wavy. The hair around my temples is the kinkiest part of my hair. I like them all and have never heard of any of these names nor knew that people disliked their kitchens.

    Sometimes I wonder if there is a bottomless pit of self-hate issues consistently ready to be unleashed.

  • Doc says:

    *wear my hair like this

  • Doc says:

    ok yall— so i've been wearing my hair in this high afro-bun and i get these little coilies at my nape… and i love them. when i where my hair like this i feel like i should hate them. i wonder if people will think of them as beadie bees 🙂 but i can't help it. i love them so much…
    craziness

  • Anonymous says:

    Its very bizarre, but my kitchen was only poppin' when I got relaxers on the regular. 3 years post and my kitchen is the straightest, smoothest part of my hair and requires very little effort.

  • Tiffany says:

    My kitchen is the polar opposite of whatever my head is feeling. If the rest of my head is moisturized it's dry. If my head is dry it is soft and beautiful. I can never win.

    Peace, Love and Chocolate,
    Tiffany

  • Anonymous says:

    My nape is the one part of my hair that isn't kinky. it has a texture that is about a 3b. The rest of my hair is 4a/4b lol. I don't really have beadie bees (maybe 1 or 2 idk) but the kinkiest area of my hair is on my sides so I can't hide those lol! Atleast people with Kitchens can hide them (if that be their choice). I love each and every strand of my hair though. I have no angst to any of it.

  • Anonymous says:

    I never had a problem with my nape, but my hair line in the front has always been super dry before I learned how to properly moisutize it, In fact, the first 6 months of my transition, I still relaxed my edges cause I was scared to let my knapps be free.

  • chocolate Desire says:

    I've never cared that they're there. For me it's not beadie bees its just curly hair at the back of my head. Even when I was getting a relaxer it wasn't that big a deal for me. If it curls up on me, it curls up on me, I don't go out of my way to straighten them even when I do notice them because I actually think it's kind of cute when you can see my hair curling in the back like that.

  • Casimiransmom says:

    My maiden name is Bidi, so yea I was called Beadie Bee often when I was a child, LOL. I was always told to shave my neck, but didn't see the point since it just would grow back quickly. I'm one of the laziest people when it comes to hair, so I just accept it.

  • DiJah says:

    When my hair needs to be moisturized or washed, my 'kitchen' acts up and pretends to be stubborn. Just yesterday after i put my hair in a bun, tied it down to keep it neat before i left the house, i realized that my lil beadie beads wasn't cooperating, no matter how much gel I plasted back there. Being that I was already having a rough morning, i just wet the brush, brush them in, and went on my way, not caring.
    Never really paid it much attention, but I remember hanging with this guy a couple of weeks ago, someone who has always admired my hair, said to me "wassup with the beadie beads?" and I honestly gave him the chile plz side eye and went about my business.
    Never have anyone addressed the back of my hair, not I, and not a friend or stranger. Matter of fact, this is my first time even referring to it as kitchen & beadie beads. It has never been a problem for me except on days when it needs to be washed, and if i don't tell u, you wouldn't know because my trusty blow dryer and eco styler gel works wonders when my hair needs to be washed but ever since coming on here i really have cut down on the blow dryer usage.

  • Anonymous says:

    When I wore a low TWA and let my hair dry naturally with a little coil-forming product, most of my HEAD was covered in beady-bees (or, as others liked to call them, buckshot). In Good Hair, Lonnice Brittenum Bonner gives these their proper name: CURLS.

    Now that my hair is longer I only get beady-bees on occasion along my edges. Usually it's just one or two…and ONLY if they distract from my hairstyle will I finger-comb them out. I think they're cute…and what other people think about them DOES NOT MATTER.

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