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Curly Nikki

15 Days of Giving Thanks- Angelic

By January 27th, 202125 Comments

15 Days of Giving Thanks- Angelic
I am thankful for second chances – especially as they relate to my marriage.

We were both close to walking away at our 8th wedding anniversary, but with what we know about God, we knew that wasn’t the right path. So we took the thing we both valued in our relationship, our friendship, and built on that to rebuild our marriage. My husband and I learned that it is imperative that we stay friends regardless of what we feel and what we face. We know that the definition of a FRIEND is a person that stands by you through whatever issues you may have, but more than that is willing to point out YOUR issues to YOU, with love.

The breakdowns started well before we reached our 8th anniversary. My husband was diagnosed as being diabetic well before we were married, and I was aware of that. I figured he was taking care of the diabetes in a way that would keep it from escalating and that we would keep up the workouts and eat right habits that we had both embraced prior to the wedding. Then, his mom died, and I got pregnant. Then, both the children that I brought into the marriage became teenagers. We started one business, then another. Life was busy, complex and ROUTINE. During all this BUSY we were still friends – texting each other throughout the day, and sharing our deepest thoughts with each other, or so I thought.

However, there were aspects of my husbands’ health that I wasn’t aware of – as he put it, he glossed over them. Those issues came to a head on the day that we had scheduled a weekend getaway to mentor to a newlywed couple who were having struggles of their own. I had a follow-up doctor appointment and he wasn’t looking well. He had this cough/wheezing that he hadn’t been able to shake and I suggested he visit his doctor while I visited mine, and then we would hit the road.

His doctor sent him straight to the ER. He was diagnosed in the ER as being in heart failure – congestive heart failure. The doctors there informed me that along with that, there was high blood pressure, some kidney failure and high cholesterol. And, most of these issues he was aware of – I was not.

The myriad of health issues shook me – I felt that he wasn’t being honest with me and that he was being selfish by allowing himself to get to this place where he could have died on his family. So, I took charge. I changed how the entire family ate, instituted workout plans and scheduled it all. I made doctors appointments and made my schedule work so I could be there for each one. He resented it all and like any resentful child, he rebelled.

Because he is extremely docile, he didn’t outwardly say, “I don’t like this,” or “I am not doing that.” He, instead, just quietly pulled away from all my efforts. His pulling away led to resentment building in me and me in turn pulling away from him. Both of us pulling away and leaving things unsaid was killing our relationship.

As we were in the midst of the many difficulties we were facing, we learned that first and foremost a friend is HONEST with you. They tell you the thing you may not want to hear and they walk the balance between not sugar coating and making it malicious. As we dealt with the things that were the least satisfactory about our relationship, our goal had to be to make our relationship better, not to hurt each other. We also learned that the best friends you have are likely very different than you. That was one of the things we struggled with. With all the things we have in common, we have very different personalities, and these personality traits cause us to handle stress and adversity in very different ways. There are things you can learn in those differences – and they don’t come from trying to change your spouse into a duplication of yourself.

The last thing and the most important thing we learned is that it NEVER hurts to laugh. We don’t laugh at each other – but lots of situations lend themselves to laughter. For example – I was very angry with him during a heated exchange we were having during our 8th year. I was very animated and becoming more upset, all the while with a spoon in my hand. He said something I didn’t agree with and I threw the spoon at him. He then said we needed to take a break – not because things were that heated, but because the best thing I could think to do to get my point across was to toss that spoon at his head so I obviously wasn’t thinking clearly! And then we both laughed.

I am thankful that he is the first person I want to call with good news or bad, and I the same for him.

25 Comments

  • Anonymous says:

    God bless you and your husband – I am so glad you found that your friendship is the key for keeping your marriage together.

    My husband too was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes more than 20 years ago. We worked together to manage his health with diet. He managed his hypertension and cholesterol with medication and excercise. He lost a brother to prostate cancer and he got screened. He had benign hyperplasia (enlarged prostate) and went on medication for it.

    So, diabetes, hypertension, and enlarged prostate. The medication therapy had had a tragic toll on our intimacy because all three therapies affect libido and cause erectile dysfunction.

    Through it all, I recognized that my husband is a good man, a good father, and a good provider for our family. He is present in heart, thought, and deed, and for that I am grateful.

    Dear Angelic, continue to work together as a team, support his health management plan, and be happy in the present!

    God Bless!

  • luvmylocs says:

    thanks for sharing your story. single girls need to hear the real deal on marriages that last. peace and blessings to you and wishing your husband health and healing!

  • cellotlhicks says:

    Love the article Angelic 😉

  • Anonymous says:

    Although I'm very happy that you worked things out, I still keep laughing at the fact you threw a spoon at him 🙂

    God bless you and your marriage!

  • Anonymous says:

    Great post and I can related, I'm 25 years in myself.

  • Anonymous says:

    @Angelic Anderson…..I am literally fighting back tears as I read this story. I really needed to read this. Just yesterday I had the worst breakdown I have ever had over my life, my family, and my marriage. Although, I have only been married for 4 years, there are so many elements to your story that I can relate to, So many days I have felt like giving up, but that is EXACTLY what the enemy would have me do. But your story reminded me that this relationship is more than just about my husband and I, but we made a commitment to GOD to love and honor each other through no matter what. Thank you so much for sharing your story and May God continue to bless you and your family.

  • Anonymous says:

    Nikki, thank you for this. I'm looking forward to reading the other stories! May God bless your union Angelic.

  • Angelic Anderson says:

    Thank you all for the encouragement. I shared in hopes that it would help someone fight for their own marriage or prepare them for the marriage to come! 🙂

  • Bridget says:

    Awesome and very inspirational story. May God continue to bless you and your family as you honor Him in your marriage.

  • Anonymous says:

    A lovely story. Relationships are "so much more" than what people think. Once you get pass the externals: Looks, sexual play…not that there is anything wrong with that…putting on airs, faking it; that's when the real relationship begins. I have had people ask me how did you get such a good fine husband. Well its certainly not because of his looks and I'm no prize. But, we have a deep committment to make our marriage work and a sense of humor. We would be "best friends" even if we were not married. So many people judge marriages by shows like Desperate Housewives and superficialities. But at the end of the day are you with each other for richer and poorer and health and sickness, till death do you part. We have decided we are. And we've also been tested through severe health emergencies. And if you're in a relationship based just on superficiality you will be tested. One day you will truly find out what you are about and what your partner is about.

  • Anonymous says:

    God bless you and yours. Special thanks to reminding us of the many roles of true friends. May we all be open to having and to being a true friend.

  • LM says:

    Beautiful and proves that communication in a relationship is key. Whenever I'm upset with my significant other, I try to calmly explain my feelings and make sure I listen to and analyze his response. When I feel like he is not telling me something and bottling up his feelings, I tell him that I really want to know how he is feeling so that I can correct whatever I'm doing to upset him or at least come to a compromise..Heated fights and yelling is something I try so hard to avoid because they do more harm than good.

  • Anonymous says:

    Very beautiful story! May God continue to bless!

  • Anonymous says:

    Beautiful, inspiring and super encouraging. Thanks for this! God bless you!

  • Anonymous says:

    I am super single and far from getting married but your story is so inspirational to me. Hopefully when I do find "him" I will remember these words that you have written through the good times and bad. Thank you!

  • Anonymous says:

    God is so good and this story touches my heart. Many blessings to you and your family. I appreciate your honesty and thanks for sharing your story that is so inspiring!

  • fabwtalk says:

    Awwww, I'm officially teary eyed. Being thankful for a second chance at my relationship hit home for me as well and I just loved this story. May God Bless you and your family. 🙂

  • Anonymous says:

    This posts really touches home here. In my family we are surrounded by men who are mum about their health. In turn it has caused the women in my family to take charge of everyone's health, not because we want to, but need to.

    I'm glad that you guys worked things out, and that he is still the first person who you go to when you need to talk. Sometimes, men don't appreciate our efforts to get the well, but we only do it because we love them.
    –KalleyC

  • dvaaunaturel says:

    I hope God continues to bless you, your marriage and your family. I am not married YET but I am preparing myself (my mouth and attitude) and stories like this are so encouraging. The enemy seeks to steal, kill, and destroy but God is awesome and you turned to him to fight for and turn your marriage around. I hope that this story encourages someone, just one, to fight for their marriage and see that things do and will turn around. Thanks for sharing.

  • Anonymous says:

    This is a beautiful post and touches me personally (my bf was recently diagnosed with diabetes). Thanks for sharing! 🙂

  • Anonymous says:

    Beautiful story and awesome encouragement for those who consider quitting every day. A three strand cord is truly NOT EASILY BROKEN (you, your husband, and God). May God bless and keep your marriage, and may we all remember that our marriages are MINISTRY!

  • DiJah says:

    Awww!

    May God continue to bless and keep you and your family.

  • Ms. KeepingItReal says:

    Thank you for sharing!! I'm glad that you two have gotten back to being friends first. I always tell myself to remember to be his friend and to continue to date each other. I'm not married, but this spoke volumes to me on so many levels. I wish you both the best and that God watches over all of you. Congratulations!

    –nola_allure

  • donna dorrane says:

    awww…that was sweet.:)

  • Michelle @Radiant Brown Beauty says:

    This is such a beautiful story about love, resilience and putting God first before your own desires. May God continue to bless your marriage. The best is yet to come!

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