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Patti Stanger Tells Naturals to Weave it Up!

By January 27th, 202152 Comments

Patti Stanger Tells Naturals to Weave it Up!
via NaturallyCurly

Millionaire Matchmaker, Patti Stanger is at it again. The woman consistently insists that men don’t like natural hair – be it wavy, curly or coily. Women walk in to audition for their chance to meet the millionaire of their dreams, and they are presented with a demand to flat iron and get weave.

Here at NaturallyCurly, we have covered this issue nearly every time the woman makes a comment that isn’t “curl” friendly. But, heck, even we have to give her props for at least being consistent. We don’t think it’s true that men, rich or otherwise, don’t like natural hair – we just think Patti doesn’t – and that’s fine. People have preferences, and as for me, I don’t wear me hair natural to impress anyone – it’s natural because I like it that way. It’s my body and my hair, so I’m the only one who matters. Done and done.

Yesterday, fellow blogger Fashion T, a loyal follower of “The Millionaire Matchmaker,” alerted us of a new low for Ms. Stanger. Fashion T was first elated to see a thin, beautiful and well educated African American woman walk in and audition for the show – with a TWA.

“I was very excited because this was the first time I had ever seen an African American woman auditioning with natural hair,” Fashion T said. “Brandy had a teeny weenie Afro, or what we call in the natural community a TWA. I was waiting to hear what Patti was going to say. I knew that from Brady’s credentials, she was a shoe in.”

But neither Fashion T nor Brandy were prepared for Patti’s response: “You need to a get a long weave.”

“I was floored,” said Fashion T. “Brandy replied, ‘OK’ and shook her head in agreement with Patti. My heart began to palpitate.”

Fashion T, a newly natural herself, wasn’t necessarily concerned with Patti’s request. After all, she has seen the woman tear other women apart on the show before. What really surprised her was that Brandy didn’t argue.

“Brandy could have rejected the idea to wear a weave and explained the dynamic and history of African American hair,” she said. “She would have been educating Patti. The truth of the matter is that if we don’t stand up for ourselves and demand respect, we won’t be taken seriously.”

Patti Stanger is just one of many people who sees natural hair as a deterrent. To her, it is unkempt and unruly – not something a millionaire wants to put his money into. We know she thinks this, we have article after article calling the woman out on her words – and even proving her wrong about men not liking natural hair.

People like Patti Stanger aren’t going away. But neither is natural hair. The best way to fight opposition and incorrect assumptions is through education. The old visions of uncontrollable natural hair are worn out – it’s time that we make sure that those who are not part of the natural community see that too.

And we don’t need to do this for us. We need to do it for the younger ones, those who are debating between their natural hair and their first perm. Those that we can still influence, those of the next natural hair generation who have an opportunity like never before to transform the world’s take on natural hair.

“The episode really hit home for me,” said Fashion T. ”I began to think about when I first went natural and all the negative hurdles that I had to endure. I started to wonder if other African American women who might be considering going natural were watching this, and became discouraged. I started to think about the image of African American women that is portrayed on the show, and how detrimental that could be to young women. For me, the episode opened my eyes to just how distasteful and judgmental Patti really is.”

What do you think about Patti’s comment and about Brandy’s response? Would you have given in so easily?

52 Comments

  • Jae says:

    I mean, of course it's offensive in a sense. But if we're talking about assumedly hyper superficial millionaires (even if they happen to be black) I don't see them clamouring for a girl with a TWA, either. Gorgeous or not. It's a deterrent in specific circles no matter how much WE may love our kinks and waves. There's much of the world who still doesn't.

  • Anonymous says:

    I think as harsh as it sounds, there is a reality in what she's saying that a lot of naturals, my self included for a long time, refuse to accept. I think it's unfortunate that 18inches of weave gets a lot of attention, but I've seen it day in and day out in my place of business, at church and when I go out. It can't be ignored that many, many men out there are comfortable with enhanced breasts, behinds and long straight hair….S fake as it is. I recently met a young lady from Spelman College who had the most beautiful damn near waist length hair who told me that her friends and classmates told her she needed to straighten her hair for homecoming court representative. As stupid and self depricating as it is, it doesnt change the fact that it is is a widespread attitude reflected within and towards our community. That said, of course there are lots of men, black and white, who love and appreciate naturals. So those are the ones I'll rock with.

  • BlueCornmoon says:

    i've never seen the show, thank God. It sounds like a clearinghouse for phony superficial stupid types
    that are insecure ,have no character & expect looks to carry them thru life.

  • African Violet says:

    Patti just likes the sound of her voice. She says dumb sh*t all the time, and then when she's called on it, she either shouts the person down (on her show) or she makes excuses for her ignorance (as she did when she was called out for the remarks made on Watch What Happens Live about gay men not being monogamous).

    I always laugh at the irony of her show's premise. It was several seasons before she ever got a ring from the man she had been dating for ages. Before that when some of the potential female dates, pissed off at her loud mouth buffoonery, would mock her for being unmarried and unengaged, she would shout them down. After she got a ring, she would still shout the women down, but she would wave her left hand in their faces as she did so. Now she's back to being single.

    Why anyone would subject herself (or himself) to this show is beyond me.

  • Minimalist Beauty says:

    Wow! I'm honestly in awe that there is so much anger behind all of this. I'm in the industry and have also dealt with all the hair issues and preferences. I've worn wigs, weaves, braids you name it, and I've always been most comfortable in my natural hair whenever I've worked or auditioned. I have worked with a TWA and now with longer curly hair. I no longer wear weaves but I can't say I will never wear a wig if the job requires a different look. I only wore wigs when I was doing Broadway. It changed the characters in the ensemble.

    It's TV! There are standards on how talent should look and it changes depending on who is in control. This past summer I did a job on a TV show with all African American hair stylists on the set. I had my hair curly, yet found out I needed to have a bun on the day of the taping. If I had known I wouldn't have gone in with big big curls. One of the stylists made a remark about my "nappy hair." I was shocked, but I shouldn't have been. They were also concerned with how to get all of my hair put up. Thank God I had aloe vera gel in my bag, but wished I had a nylon too. I had to talk one of the stylists through how to get my hair up because she was about to try and dry comb all of my hair to put it up. I had to explain only smoothing the top and she had to use a rubber band because she couldn't get my hair in a regular hair elastic!

    There is a lot of ignorance about natural hair, and although curly coily hair is very commercial now finally, it isn't always the look they want for many theatrical jobs and TV shows yet. It is important that we embrace our own hair and not get so crazy about what is going on TV shows. TV is make believe, and most of the reality shows aren't necessarily reality anyway.

    There has already been "progress" about natural hair in the industry. I know that as we care for our hair and let it grow long strong and healthy or even rock the TWA's with pride and not with a fight, the industry will also stop fighting what they don't understand is just naturally beautiful.

  • Anonymous says:

    I occassionaly watch her train wreck of a show to see what boffonery comes out of her mouth this time. Patty knows not what she is talking about and is very judgemental. I would take offense but why? She's like most main stream American who believes that European style of beauty. And its laughable that she can hurl so many insults when she herself looks like a trannie but I digress. Maybe she should take her own advice work on her outer AND inner beauty issues.

  • Anonymous says:

    NtrlGAGirl @ November 19, 2011 9:41 PM , I was coming here to say the exact same thing. Not everyone is their hair, nor is it a political statement for everyone. For some, it is just a look. Brandy didn't have a problem changing her hair, so why does anyone else have a problem with it?

    That being said, although I think that Patti is rather ignorant, at lease she is consistant, lol.

  • Anonymous says:

    All i can say is patti stranger is stupid , brainwashed and doesnt even have nice straight hair,her hair looks boring and she probably has hair extensions in her head because shes insecure about her hair and herself

  • NtrlGAGirl says:

    While I didn't see this episode, I agree with others who've pointed out that this is par for the course for Patti Stanger–who herself wears extensions (in addition to what appears to be other "upgrades"). Anyone going on her show or looking for a millionaire should know what they're getting into.

    That being said, I have to wonder why Brandy should be expected to "represent" for naturals IF SHE was okay with going along with what Patti told her to do. What was there to educate Patti about if she was okay with altering her appearance? OMG–that irks the SHAT outta me! Women who choose to wear their hair natural ARE NOT a monolith–just like I (or anyone else) don't represent ALL black people or ALL women. SHE–Brandy–was ok with it….I'm cool with it too.

  • Anonymous says:

    I watched the show and I knew Patti was going to tell the young woman with the TWA to "weave it up" because that's what the client asked for. I thought she looked the best. The others, from what I remember, had jacked up hair. Anyways, the woman with the TWA got off easy. Patti once told a client she looked like a horse… to her face.

  • Anonymous says:

    I wasn't offended by Patti as I know she caters to a certain audience. The male and female millionaires that come to Patti looking for "love" are usually shallow, self-centered, hollywood-fake, weirdos. I would not expect for people who walk through life as though they are on the 90's TV show 'Melrose Place' playing the part of the hot character to understand anything accept for blonde hair and plastic parts. Why can't fairly attractive millionaires over 30 able to find a lasting relationship? Uhmm..usually because there is something very wrong with them. I do not see this show as one that I would expect to cater to 'real women'..especially those with beautiful natural waves, curls or coils.

  • Anonymous says:

    patti is rude to anyone that she feels does not meet the la la land standard of beauty. her hair is bone straight, and yet here she is, still single. my hair is in locs, and yet here I am, married for 21 years. Go figure.

  • Anonymous says:

    Patti strikes me as someone who was told she was not-so-pretty at a young age, so she takes it out on everyone else. Someone probably taught her that a woman has to look a certain way in order to get a certain type of man and that is what she pushes. She's very insecure and she knows how to control others by finding their insecurities.

  • adelh says:

    to the poster that talked about peter norton – that is so true – they are still married and they have children – i met him when i worked in the computer book world and he was actively involved in his company. He is into philanthropy now. He looked at me and said that he always looks at light skinned black women to see what his child would look like (???!!!) I have never forgotten that.

  • Kay says:

    Patti is rude and ignorant anyway. She tells girls to dress like a hooker and be 5lbs to get a man. Uh, no thanks. I didn't see the episode but I WISH Brandy would've stood up for herself. I'm only about 1/2 natural currently (transitioning) but I have already had to explain/defend myself to people who don't understand. Although the naysayers have been much less than the supporters… I just feel like…it's OUR hair and OUR decision.

  • AshleyCamille says:

    Now I definitely think Patti's attitude towards natural hair and Brandy's willingness to comply is problematic, but at the same time, this is Millionaire Matchmaker we're talking about. The main point of women going on this show is to take an expert's (Patti's) advice on how to snag a millionaire. You can't really expect somebody whose sole purpose is to snag a matchmaker to really be steadfast on anything…ijs

  • Tereill Renee says:

    Thanks for all the comments. Personally,I don't take Patti seriously, but her behavior is destructive. I just hope that people will see through the B.S. and stay encouraged.

  • Anonymous says:

    SHE IS LOSING RATINGS FOR SURE….. I DON'T WATCH BUT HUBBS DOES…..

    SHE'S TAKING FAME A BIT FAR…AND UNFORTUNATELY HER IGNORANCE IS FOLLOWING…

    WHATEVER…

  • Anonymous says:

    Well…..I got my 4 carat rock with natural hair. YEP that is a twa at its finest! So that's some bullishhhhh.

    I watched the episode after my husband brought it to my attention. He said "I guess wigs come in handy" I then looked up to see that she suggested that the women change up their hair. I thought Ms. Brandy looked very boring, very with that wig and her twa could have been sexier with the right dress, makeup, earrings,etc…. All I have to say to Patti S. is CHILD PLEASE!! They guy didn't choose Ms. Brandy anyway, so what's the point.

    I am not anti wig, trust that I will wear them when I feel like it. But it's at my doing NOT from any one else encouraging an alternate image of me.

  • Sophie says:

    I'm with people who don't take much stock in what Patti says. She is rude to everyone who isn't a generic Barbie. She's told white women with short hair to get extensions too. In full disclosure, I've watched this show a few times because I think it is interesting from a sociological perspective. Patti is always telling women they're fat, their teeth are crooked, their eyes are lazy… she is also single. A woman who goes on this show with the only thing she knows about the man being that he is rich, is setting herself up to conform to whatever Patti says. I feel pity for people who are willing to do that to themselves, but I don't feel shocked. Just because this person is a beautiful black woman doesn't mean she has any pride in herself.

  • Anonymous says:

    I am not surprised. if you watch the show, she always tells curly haired ladies to straighten their hair. I think she doesnt realize all men do not want women with straight hair. I get more attention with my natural hair esp from the other nationalities.

  • Anonymous says:

    If you marry just for money, you will earn every penny.

  • Leo the Yardie Chick says:

    Oh well, I guess I won't ever be a millionaire's trophy-wife. Welp!

    @ Adelh – I agree! My first thought was, "Who IS this woman?". I really wish women would stop giving these so-called professional relationship experts the time of the day. It's "The Rules" all over again – lie about yourself to get The One.

  • Anonymous says:

    A friend of mine dated a very wealthy man for two years and after they stopped dating he dated another women he subsequently married. Neither woman would have fit Patti's stereotype. In fact my friend consistently wears a TWA – her style of choice. And the woman he married isn't natural (I don't think – she may be and flat ironing), but she wears her hair cropped short and definitely not weaved. Anyway the guy is Peter Norton, founder of of Norton Utilities and philanthropist.

  • adelh says:

    why are we giving her a thought – what does a white person really know about our hair?

  • Anonymous says:

    I AM TIRED OF EDUCATING PEOPLE ABOUT NATURAL HAIR. IF THEY ARE IGNORANT THEN LET THEM REMAIN IGNORANT. SOMEONE NEEDS TO TELL PATTI THAT SHE IS UGLY, BECAUSE THATS THE TRUTH. SHE IS NOT PRETTY AT ALL AND HER HAIR LOOKS AWFUL. SHE LOOKS LIKE SHE CAN BE PART OF THE ADAMS FAMILY

  • Anonymous says:

    When you put yourself in front of her, you are basically opening yourself up to all types of BS. I'm not offended by what Patti said to her because to be quite frank, I hear and see a whole lot more black women telling other natural haired black women that they need a weave. I'm more offended by that. What saddens me (and makes me laugh at the same time) is to see so many women (no matter what race) throw themselves at her feet waiting for her to miraculously change their lives for the better…as if she has all the answers. Look at her personal life. LOL.

  • ChicaRizada94 says:

    I agree with anonymous at 6:51 p.m. Though what Patti said was ridiculous (based on her opinion of what she thinks men will like), it doesn't have to affect the entire natural community. It wasn't intended for all of us. Keep rocking your stuff, chicas! And forget about whatsherface.

  • Anonymous says:

    Thats one ugly @#$%!. I wish she would tell that to me. I'd buy the weave just to slap her with it. lol. But really why would u go on a show like that. Waste of time. that women needs a real job. I think her problem with natural hair is just jealousy. Like look at her face and hair. Thats not working, she should get a large paper bag. One big enough for her to put on her head. …..I heard men like that. XD

  • Anonymous says:

    2 words: Naomi Campbell

    Men have bedded her but no one has yet put a ring on it in all these years and she's now what 40!

  • Ashley says:

    Patti tells everyone with short hair to get a weave, doesn't matter their race or texture.

  • Anonymous says:

    yeah I have seen this show a few times and she has definitely said something to anyone that looked a way she did not like. Very aggressive much? But that's what SHE thinks it'll take to land a man. Plus the guy in this episode did request girls to have that 'Beyonce look'. When I saw the coment she made, I just KNEW someone somewhere would be in an 'uproar'. Lol….guys seriously. We all collective have to stop acting like these little jabs people make affect us. Who cares?! At the end of the day if people want to be shallow they will be. All we can do as women, natural haired women at that, is go out, look good and be CONFIDENT. Like one of the persons above me said, men are always complimenting me on my hair. I secretly think they like it…only because it portrays my natural beauty. Most men love that in women.

  • Anonymous says:

    this bish here…

  • Jeannette says:

    I don't think of anything about Patti's comment (s). Patti Stanger has always insulted Women about their looks, including hair. She says the nastiest things about red heads and I've seen her tell curly haired Caucasian Women to straighten their hair. Brandy's response is typical…she wanted a Millionaire (who I'm assuming was Black, I didn't see the show) and she would do what she feels that she needed to get that Millionaire LMAO!!! Also, Brandy is on t.v., sometimes when People get in front of the camera, they get camera shy and she's in California, shoot…that's weave central!! I wouldn't have given up so easily because I wouldn't have gone in the first place! LOL LOL LOL Patti says that she says the things she does about hair because Men tell her they like straight hair. My thing is that she primarily speak to Caucasian/European Men who generally have Caucasion Women in mind. She has no clue about the Black Community and natural hair in the Black Community. I pay NO attention to some of the things that comes out of Patti Stanger's mouth but I feel that her show is entertaining and I do watch it when I get the chance.

  • luvmylocs says:

    i didn't see the episode but i've seen the show before. when patti tells you what you "need" or what is lacking you don't educate patti, you shut your mouth and take it. it's her show, her opinion. that said, the whole concept of her show is pretentious! there are lots of good guys that aren't millionaires and i've seen plenty of duds on her show. brandi would probably do better on an online dating site where she can cast a broader net!

    i do think men like longer hair, natural or not but not all! many men love natural hair at any length. there's a man at my church that compliments my hair every time he sees me!

    lastly, patti doesn't have a man….if i'm drowning i'm not going to get help from someone who can't swim!

  • MrsWardy88 says:

    *singing* little boxes, little boxes…

  • Anonymous says:

    she was on there to date a millionaire, to her hair was not going to stand in her way of finding a rich man, thats why she gave in so easily. Which is indeed devastating

  • Anonymous says:

    Stanger looks like she wears a long weave herself, which goes well with her plastic looking face.

  • Anonymous says:

    You know what! I am so tired of people talking about Black men don't like natural hair. This week I've been in NY/NJ area for work. I've been doing my hair like I usually do, lots of tuck and roll styles…sort of a Janelle Monae-esque look. I don't know how many black men have been breaking their neck and falling over how I look. This chick is banannas! Black men like a well put together sister. If that means she has her hair and it's natural then that's cool. You have to love you and know exactly what that means. Find your style and work it.

    Patty can kick rocks cause I be dog on if I ever go get a weave or straighten my hair for a man. That is a deal breaker. If you don't like it nappy, we ain't gonna be happy!

  • Anonymous says:

    I think the comment was in character for Stanger but I think that a woman who portrays herself as something other than what she normally is to catch a man is asking for trouble.
    If short hair is what you have, then you need to meet a man who likes you like that, or you'll become one of those women wearing some janky weave for the rest of her married life.
    I've heard the anecdotes of people whose husband have never seen them wigless or weaveless and also read the stories here about husbands acting crazy just b/c someone cut or stop straightening her hair so why not weed those losers out from the start?
    I mean, clearly, if this woman wanted long hair or wanted to pretend that she had it, she'd have already been wearing her own weave.
    Starting out by not knowing if someone likes the real you is not a good foundation.

  • Anonymous says:

    I wouldn't bother educating a person like Patti apart from saying, No, this is my natural hair, it's all me, it's all beautiful!" That is all she can comprehend if even! You have to be discerning about who you take the time to educate about natural hair.

    Also Patty is pretty much a horrible person (if she's not playing it up for the camera), delusional and HORRIBLE at what she does. Also, she lives in LA the land of the plastic, the blonde and superficial.

    Anyway, every single person that watches millionare matchmaker more than once (including me) watches it because it is a COMPLETE TRAINWRECK of a show.

  • Anonymous says:

    Did she get her millionaire?

  • Anonymous says:

    Brandy, by agreeing to be on this reality show and signing the release form, knew what she was getting into. I doubt she's living under a rock and knew about "Millionaire Matchmaker". She is a beautiful woman who wanted to meet a millionaire, and agreed to do what it took to do so.

    We should not be seeking validation from Patti Stanger or from anything having to do with "reality TV". hat's just unhealthy.

  • TiAnna Mae says:

    My thing is this: what happens when you take the weave out? What happens when your hair falls out? I wouldn't want to get a man based on what my hair looks like. That surely will not last.

    tiannamae.blogspot.com

  • Anonymous says:

    Usually when someone constantly has something negative to say about the same thing all the time, it's because they're jealous. It appears Patti is really infatuated with natural hair and hates that her hair will never be able to be like that. So in the meantime, the only thing she can do is talk negative about something she will never have, in an effort to make those that do have natural hair think it's not wanted. She needs a wake-up call; natural hair or any hair on black women is beautiful. We set the standards for what other races try to be; proud, voluptuous, and beautiful!

  • Anonymous says:

    I don't think anyone should expect much from patti. She's said and done a many controversial things on and off her show and is known to be insanely nit-picky about minute insignificant things. Brandy proabably didn't saying because well, she's going to a millionaire matchmaker. What did irk me though was during the mini date the girl (not brandy) told the guy she likes to swim and it doesn't bother her because she has "good hair". But, again, can't expect much from a show based mostly on shallowness.

  • Sherron says:

    This coming from #1 a white woman and #2 a woman that has long hair and still couldn't keep her husband. Smh

  • AlWell says:

    This doesn't offend me. Patti tells EVERYONE w/ hair shorter than bra strap length to get a weave. Brandy probably had watched the show before and knew that so that is why just just agreed w/ her and kept it moving. BTW Patti is a douche to everyone. She was in the news a few weeks ago for offending gays and Jews. No one takes her single lady matchmaker self serious.

  • Pecancurls says:

    Actually dh and I saw that same episode the other night. Oddly enough, dh was the one to say something about it. He thought it was rather rude for Patti to tell her to get a straight weave. As for Brandy's response …. I say to each his/her own. She obviously did not mind and perhaps thought that was the cost of the "admission ticket" into the game —so to speak. As you know with Patti most of the time it is my way or no way. Perhaps for her it is "just hair" and not necessarily worthy of a history lesson for Patti. Perhaps (knowing Patti's attitude) she considered it a lost cause, so why argue? Knowing Patti it would probably be a deal breaker. I cannot speak for Brandy and what went through her mind at the time. Under the same circumstances, I would like to think that I would tell Patti that I prefer to wear my hair as you see it instead of a straight weave, without necessarily getting into the history of it, simply because given the audience (Patti, et. al), I don't think it would be a productive venture.

  • K. says:

    I don't understand what's so shocking about any of this. The show sounds shallow as all hell. I think naturalistas should stop seeking validation from shallow outside sources.

  • Dunni says:

    Patti's ignorance is nothing new (unfortunately); I agree that Brandy's response is what shocked me the most. This was a prime opportunity for Brandy to inform Patti that there is absolutely NO need for her to get a weave just to catch a man–even if he is a millionaire -_- I really wish she would have spoken up for herself, first & foremost.

  • Anonymous says:

    i saw this episode. patti also hates red hair and curly hair. she's a character.

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