When I was 5, I wanted an Easy Bake oven in the worst way. I didn’t get one though. As you can imagine, I was a bit bummed. When I was 6, I wanted a Baby Alive. Not necessarily because I liked dolls, but mostly because I was curious to see how it “went” in the diaper after you fed it. I didn’t get one of those either though. Instead, I got a knock off version that had creepy eyes that open and shut! Christmas when I turned 16 (in Jamaica) was the worst of all. I was dreaming of a car with a big red bow. Instead, I ended up with a DONKEY. Everyone was amused except for me. Lol! Sigh. Needless to say, when it comes to gifts, I have the worst luck getting gifts I hope for, and this year, I suspect it will be no different. A girl can dream though, right? Below is my wish list for this Christmas season. Some things on the list are attainable. Other things on the list will make you either roll your eyes or roll on the floor laughing at me. At any rate, I hope you gorgeous dolls have a very Merry Christmas or Happy Hanukkah!
A new pair of Christian Louboutins. Ok, so yes, I realize the Louboutins are expensive and are slightly unpractical, but hell, so am I. Oh, what I would give to open a shoe box on Christmas morning and find some gorgeous, strassed, mile high red bottoms J.
A Fabulous Walk-In Closet. Before I moved from Florida to Illinois, my husband built me the most awesome closet EVER. If I told you I wasn’t plotting on how to pack up that part of the house and move it with us, I’d be lying. Hubby has since convinced me that he will build me another closet, bigger and better than the first. But for the time being, I miss my old closet and wish it could visit for Christmas.
$500…To Tip A Waiter. I’ve always dreamt of leaving an obscenely large tip for a deserving waitress or waiter at a Denny’s or IHOP. What better time than on Christmas day?
Reggie Bush, Dwayne Johnson, and My Hubby all cooking me Christmas breakfast shirtless. Ok, go with me on this one. What’s better than a man in the kitchen? A BUFF man in the kitchen. And what’s better than 1 buff man cooking you breakfast? THREE buff men cooking you breakfast! Lawd Hamercy…We’d have to keep the open flames to a minimal though, last thing we’d want is someone to singe a nipple while atempting to stir fry…lol!
Con-Air Spin Brush. I swear, they always make everything look more fun and easy on TV than it really is. I can bet that I won’t have the same luck using a fancy contraption like the Conair Spin Air Brush as the curly girl on the TV commercials do, but it would be fun trying!
Sex and The City Deluxe DVD Collection. I love Carrie Bradshaw and her fabulously amusing crew. I’ve been wanting to own the DVD collection for years now!
Dancing Classes taught by Beyonce. I am not sure what impresses me more about Beyonce, the way she moves, or the way she moves in those sky high heels with minimal wipeouts. Whatever it is, I want to learn the trick of the trade on how to drop it low, bring it up real graceful like, and glamorously glisten instead of sweat…lol!
A Bag Full of Quarters. It’s not what it sounds like. Lol! Not for assault and battery, but to help keep people happy during the holidays. I have this odd fixation with keeping people’s parking meters running. Especially when there’s parking meter enforcement folks slapping tickets on peoples’ windshield. I always have extra coins in my purse so I can shuffle ahead of the meter maid and insert money into meters with purpose, defiantly looking over my shoulder to see if she’s looking. That ought to show her. Lol Eventually, I run out of coinage and someone gets shafted. I would love to have a bottomless bag of jingles so I could keep all of the parking meters in the city running.
A Family Reunion. Most of my family is in Jamaica and the rest is in Florida. Moving to Illinois has made this Christmas a little less family filled. I’m happy to spend Christmas with Jeff, the dogs, and the bird, but I would have loved to have all of my kin folk in one place this year.
A Shopping Spree in New York City with Stacy and Clinton from What Not to Wear. Obviously, I don’t NEED fashion tips on how to look presentable for board meetings, dates nights, and formal functions, but I have always felt a twinge of jealousy when I watch Stacy and Clinton hand over these 5,000 dollar gift cards to frumpy people who are reluctant in the first place to even go shopping! Are they mad?!?!? Give me the gift card and let me lose in New York City, honey!
A Huge gingerbread house. Not just for me, but to share with some kids at an orphanage or shelter. I used to dream of tearing into a huge gingerbread house like Hansel and Gretel when I was a kid. I would love to recreate that for a bunch of less privileged kids one Christmas…minus the kiddie eating witch though.
This is post is hilarious!
I guess my list would look a lil something like this:
1) To be with my mom and sis on Christmas (I live in Cali, they live in ATL)
2) A phone/skype call from my friend Lena who is in Uganda working in a refugee camp
3) Shopping spree (totally feeling you on that What Not to Wear)
4) Hair products
5) Chauffeur (I HATE driving in the city!)
6) Mac Air computer
7) Better credit
8) Not to have a nervous breakdown!–I'm in my 3rd yr of grad school, writing grant proposals and preparing for my qualifying exams
This comment has been removed by the author.
I've done the quarters thing before. If I had extra quarters in my pocket when walking around downtown Mpls and I see cars that had 5 minutes or less on the meter I would pop in a quarter. Well, one day when it was busy downtown and I saw the meter maid out walking the line, ticketing cars, I walked ahead of her putting quarters in the meters that had little or no time left…I almost got into TROUBLE! Apparently it's against the law in Minneapolis, has to do with tampering or something. I just figured the city was pissed because I just beat them out on some extra money. Every once in while, I still do it, I just make sure the meter maid doesn't see me.
I loooooove your list! You are a wonderful person (I know we never met but I just know your awesome) !!! Hope you get most of your list, but Dwayne Wade is also on my list guess we'll have to work that one out. Lol Lol.
I received an Easy Bake oven when I was a little girl and I loved that darn thing! I made lots of cookies in it! As for what I want for X-mas…I don't bother asking for much of anything anymore. I'll be lucky if I receive one gift. LOL! But, it is all good! When you get older, you receive less and buy more! 🙂
Okay, I'ma be honest! Didn't read this whole post yet … just spotted the "What Not to Wear" wish! Guuuurrrrrlllllll, I am sooo with you!!!! I am a clothes horse with an immaculate wardrobe (humble much;)? LMBO!), but I want that dang $5000 too!!!! I would plot about making a fake video of bad clothing to get on the show;)!! LOL!!
Shelli
(Okay, now I'll go and read the entire post as you are frickin' hilarious and I love your guest blogs!!)
I love the $500 tip wish. I used to be a waitress and I can't wait for the day when I can drop a huge tip for a fellow waiter/waitress.
I want:
-to be debt free(especially student loans)
-buy my mom a new car(she deserves the world, but a new car is a great start, lol)
Hilarious post!
Funny and thoughtful wish list Taneica!
I wish for a one week vacation at a luxury spa resort where I could receive tons of massages, facials, mud wraps, time in the sauna and jacuzzi, awesome foods and healthy fu-fu drinks, and get EIGHT hours of undisturbed sleep EVERY night!
A girl can dream right?
This comment has been removed by the author.
How thoughtful!
Taneica, I loved your wish for an opportunity to tip someone $500! That's wonderful! What a blessing it would be to make someone's day in that manner. 🙂
LOL – I also loved the "bag full of quarters" wish…. I wish you could have been there yesterday when I received a ticket; my meter ran out while I was in the salon getting my hair cut!
LOL, great post! I'd really like for Christmas:
1. For all those who are homeless to have food and shelter.
2. To meet CurlyNikki, 'nough said.
3. Laz Alonzo on my doorstep with flowers, wine, and fruit for…well..you get the picture!
4. Complete DVD collection of FRIENDS.
5. New glasses with diamonds (Tiffany glasses, yes, please and thank you!)
Anon @ 2:52. I was officially divorced as of yesterday and I can totally relate to wanting a man of the month membership. I want one too!! I also want another 8 inches of hair and for it to be something other than 4d. Oh and size 9 or 10 feet instead of these size 12s. Smaller breasts too. Enough with the 40H/J bras that cost a billion dollars.
Lol I love this. May your wishes come true
Trice…….You are just too much but I feel you.
too funny!
I'd like to have a membership to one of those monthly fruit gift baskets, Instead of a "fruit of the month", I'd like a man of the month. Im really not a h0, mind you ( and excuse the language), it's just that there are too many cutie pies to pick from. I won't expect them to do anything that's not seasonally appropriate. In January,For instance, he'd have to scoop the snow off of my car, with a smile and he can even wear a hat (but nothing else). Get my drift?
I'd also like to see more peace, humor and love in the world.
No hair products for me this year, unless a new one comes out right before Christmas. 😉
LMBO at ". . .I want to learn the trick of the trade on how to drop it low, bring it up real graceful like, and glamorously glisten instead of sweat…lol!" YOU AINT NEVA LIED!
215Nina
so cute! all i want for christmas is my hair to grow back. so very tired of this hole in my afro…
I want a couple of things for Christmas:
1. Curly Nikki to come to my house and show me how to do a twist out….I live in St. Louis and you are here for the holidays right????
2.Dwayne"The Rock" Johnson in a Santa hat-and that's all.
Anything after that is just icing on the cake!
Venita
The post itself is hilarious enough but Chris Brown on a biscuit…?!? Priceless
shut the hell up Trice… dead @ #chris brown on a biscuit. I can't.
Lol, I love this. I agree wit wanting the Louboutins my sister-in-law has a paid and they are so fabulous; my brother even has a men's version lol.
This year I would take two simple little gifts (I already have a beautiful baby girl and Christ, so its nothing major)…..
1. Chris Brown on a biscuit
2. A Range Rover full of hair products
I'm just saying…a girl doesn't ask for much…..
I definitely agree with you on the WNTW $5000 spree. Who cares if I'm not horribly fashioned challenge, I'm all for a new wardrobe!
And why can't the company who is making us pay to park everywhere come up with an easier way. There should be some kind of ipass thing that we can use instead of walking to the meter, pulling out a bunch of quarters (or worse, my credit card) to pay for hours of parking. Eh…I know, wishful thinking…A girl can dream.
And right now, I'd just settle for my husband cooking me breakfast in bed. Although adding Idris to that would work even better. 😉
– Marion