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Curly Nikki

Self-Concept Thursday

By January 27th, 202119 Comments

Self-Concept Thursday

Affirmations for Letting it Go
by GG of PeaceLovenadPrettyThings

It doesn’t seem fair when he cheated on you and now he’s happily married and raising a family with the woman he cheated on you with. It stings when the job that fired you for unfounded reasons is growing in leaps and bounds and you are having trouble finding a job just to make ends meet.

Where’s the retribution? Have you ever felt this way?

I have a couple friends going through these things and the common theme I hear voiced through their frustration is that they feel they are being punished. They don’t understand why it seems that the people who have done them wrong are being rewarded.

Why do bad things happen to good people? No one on this earth can answer this question with certainty, but what I believe is that 1) What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger or teaches us something we needed to learn 2) We won’t get stronger if we view ourselves as victims and 3) When we’ve been wronged, we need to focus on our own healing and let go of our fixation with the person who hurt us.

I know it’s not easy. I’ve been trying to think of ways to comfort my friends through these situations, and I keep hearing myself say “Let go. This is not about them, this is about you. Don’t worry about what they think or if they are laughing at you or feeling sorry for you. The only thing you should be thinking about is how you will heal and move forward. Take the lesson and let it go.”

Do you have any advice to share based on what you’ve been through? Are you going through something right now? Consider the following affirmations:

I am stronger and more resilient than I think I am.
My joy and peace of mind are not dependent on my current circumstances.
The quality of my life is defined by staying true to my values, no matter how others behave.
I don’t need revenge or retribution to feel closure from a bad situation.
I can empower myself by not playing the victim, and looking at challenges as opportunities to overcome.
I believe in myself when no one else does.
I love myself unconditionally.


  • Tasha says:

    I tell myself "Life goes on and I choose to go with it" That's actually my FB status today.

  • Jami says:

    "The quality of my life is defined by staying true to my values, no matter how others behave."


    First, I think it's most important that when things are going good, to show empathy with those around us who are going thru something "bad." Because if not them, it might be us. Second, for those of us who are experiencing the "bad" first-hand, we should "bear the cross" so that we can live to tell about it with others, so that maybe overtime if enough of us share our story after coming thru the fire, maybe less and less will even have to go through it in the first place. Because NO ONE can rise higher than the least of us. NO ONE. If almost 1 million black men are in jail with over 50% being for non-violent crimes, then all black men are in jail. If 70% of black babies have one parent, then all black babies have one parent. And if the average net worth of black women is $5000 (even averaging in Oprah, Janet, and Beyonce) then ALL of us only have $5000 net worth. We can go ahead and ignore it, but we are truly "ignoring" our own self.

    Domestic violence is a good example for my first point. I never went through it. I was a teenager when "What's love got to do with it" came out on the big screen. I saw it opening night. And then I rushed to buy Ms. Turner's autobiography. And it is one of my most fave books to this day. And I took every. single. word. to. heart. If she already experienced such drama along with millions of other women, then why does any new woman have to continue to endure. Naw…the price has been paid already for me; I don't have to go thru this, too. Reading her story at a time when I had NEVER experienced being hit by a man I think has made it possible for me to say today: I have NEVER been hit by a man.

    For my second point, What other stories would have been helpful in protecting me from the "bad" that I have experienced? Idk. But it is my job, my duty, my obligation, MY PROMISE to share my first-hand happy and not-so-happy experiences, so the community can share in the glory and the lessons and increase the frequency of future glory and happiness, while decreasing future nonsense and drama. (Ms. Wimfrey, write that autobiography, girl–go 'head. It's gonna be alright, it's gonna be ok….)

    Much peace to you, GG. Thank you.

  • Anonymous says:

    Anonymous @ Dec 15 4:08pm, thank you for laying out out so eloquently!

    When the "hater-ation" around me rises to a fever pitch, when I feel as if I need to mount a defense against the foolishness and mayhem, I pause, collect my thoughs, and state these three scripture verses in this order

    1. Matthew 8:23-27 – …And he saith unto them, Why are ye fearful, O ye of little faith? Then he arose, and rebuked the winds and the sea; and there was a great calm… (Peace, be still)

    2. Isaiah 54:17 – No weapon that is formed against you shall prosper; and every tongue that shall rise against you in judgment you shall condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, and their righteousness is of me, says the LORD (He is mightier than your worst adversary).

    3. Proverbs 3:6 – In all your ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct your paths (keep on trucking)

    Hope this helps.

  • Cicely says:

    I don't need revenge or retribution to feel closure from a bad situation.

    I LOVE this. I need this and this whole post for the upcoming New Year.

  • DrChuck24 says:

    I think you brought up some good points about not playing the victim…that is the true way to move past a situation and be stronger…

  • Anonymous says:

    When ever i hit a rough patch in my life , i pray, read some Iyanla Vanzant or Jewel Diamond Taylors books. Sometimes you have to let go and let GOD even though its hard to.

  • Honeysmoke says:

    Thank you!

  • Anonymous says:

    Man, that first one got me. For a lack of a better word, I dated someone on and off throughout college who treated me horribly. I never understood how a person who could treat others so poorly could have everything I wanted. On top of this, I was jealous of friends who were somehow obtaining everything I wanted, but not in an honest way.

    It hurt like hell and to be honest, I was waiting for something bad to happen to these people because bad things happen to bad people. But nothing has happened and I'm still in the same place(physically not emotionally or spiritually). In fact the guy I dated is now engaged, finishing up his last year of law school and his fiancee is completing her last year of med school. Go figure!

    But something hit me…..where does this sense of entitlement come from. For a long time, it came from my being a Christian. I feel horrible saying this, but I was waiting for God to put those folks in check and I wanted them to see me come out ahead. After all, I'm a child of God. I've sense grown as a Christian and realized that He may never put them in check while I'm walking the earth or to the extent that I would like Him to. I've come to terms with that. After all, there has also been times I should have been put in check, but wasn't. Thank you! God didn't promise me a life free of heartache, but He did say He would be with me every step of the way to comfort me. I've found joy in that.

    I'll also admit, that I feel horrible calling myself a Christian, but wanting to deny someone of his/her happiness….or tell someone he/she isn't deserving of something or someone. I'll never be deserving of what Jesus did on the cross for me. I also don't know how that person has grown or where that person is in his/her life–what he/she has endured.

    I think the sooner we learn that we aren't all knowing, we aren't perfect and that there has been times that we've messed up yet come out ahead…we'll stop comparing ourselves to others. Someone once told me if you compare yourself to others, you will always paint yourself in a better light, BUT compare yourself to Christ and you're never good enough.

    With that said, last year I told myself I would try my best not to get got up in what's going on around me.

  • lisa says:

    As a Christian. I came to learn many years ago that when bad things happen to us God is tugging on you to bring you closer to HIM. whatever it may be, death, job loss, illness whatever. God is using things like this so that we will turn to HIM and build a closer realtionship with HIM and depend on Him not others. You can either turn away from God and sob why me? Or say yes GOD why not me and grow? I buried to sets of twins before I finally had a healthy child. With each loss I only became stronger and closer to GOD. James 1 says: Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.


  • Anonymous says:

    Excellent post!

  • Anonymous says:

    I love how after a horrible day at work with rude customers I open up my browser to this lol.

    Loving this affirmation and it is hard to not fall a victim to having these sorts of negative feelings or thoughts, but you can only waddle in your pity pool for so long. Most of the time it is always best to just let it go and leave it Gods hands.

  • Anonymous says:

    What a great article as well as words of affirmation. I know how this feels, I've been there. My advice is to take the focus off of those who hurt you, those you have wronged you in some way or those who have used you. Take the time to sit and evaluate YOU. Hopefully, in the midst of what's going on, there is some lesson that you learn and some wisdom that you gain, in order to share with someone else in the future. I try to remember this as I live life…."I have to forgive in order to be forgiven". It's hard to do sometimes…I know, but it's doable.

  • Anonymous says:

    Never been in the exact situations described above, but been in a similar situation with a job, only w/out me the job did not grow by leaps and bounds (ha, ha, ha – how do you like me now). Anywho I say the best revenge is "living well."

    Many people look at being fired or lay off as the end of the road. I say its the start of a new beginning. I know it is hard to think of a new begging when u just lost your income, but I always try to get a lesson from a bad situation, "what does God want me to know? Does God want me to depend on Him completely or is this simply the time for me to let others help me – is this my receiving season? "

    At the end of the day, especially when I have no control over the situation (which many times I really don't) I say, "Oh well a lesson lived is a lesson learned."

  • Anonymous says:

    This was written for me today, I was laying up all night praying to God to lift this guilt from me. But I understood that there was a lesson he was trying to teach me.

    Im still working on trying to forgive a father that rejects me…Its taking a long time. But I really needed to hear this for the forgiveness that takes a day and the forgiveness that takes a lifetime.

    Thank you

  • Anonymous says:

    It is hard when it seems like to you are doing everything to live a good life but when you see bad people have everything go their way. It does strike a chord in you. I've been through a lot these last 2 years and I cry out often when will it end; when will my life get back in order…it use to be so hard but I start looking at things differently. I started studying the Word more. I started telling myself not in my will but in His Will let it be done. Sitting around angry and depressed was not helping. You have to take it one day at a time. Repeats those affirmations in the post. Keep positive quotes around and surround yourself with positive people. ~Tinisha

  • Anonymous says:

    My advice:
    Understand that sometimes it is not about you. When things happen to us, a lot of times we turn inward and start to try to blame ourselves for negative life occurrences. If we keep in mind that our journey is going to include some bad times, we will know that better days are yet to come. Also, because I am coming out from under a rock, 1)I know that talking it out, 2)writing it out, 3)focusing on yourself (in a self reflective way, and 4)taking it a day at a time, really do help ease the pain, frustration, and heartache during a hard time.

    Keep in mind, trouble doesn't last always. Hard times are really a test of your faith and your faith will remind you that you are going through so that you will have a marvelous testimony…
    This post is so relevant to everything I've experienced in the last year and I truly appreciate the timing and the affirmations.

  • Lj Miles (CurlyHue) says:

    Wow! So many people need this when they are feeling stuck because they don't know what to do & where to start in moving forward. Especially when the particular person, place or thing still must remain a factor in their life for whatever reason.

    It's a bit easier when you can just walk away & completely cutoff contact.

    Such wonderful reminders you've shared…thank you.

  • Anonymous says:

    This is SO on time for me. Going through a lot personally and could use some affirmations! Great post.

  • ShoeHOTLINE says:

    I love this affirmation

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