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Curly Nikki

Your Man and Your Natural Hair Styles

By January 27th, 202149 Comments

by Briana of The Mane Source


My hubby has always been supportive of me and my natural hair. When I first told him that I wanted to go natural and the possible bogusness that could ensue during my transition, he was understanding. When I first big chopped and awoke up with a make-shift high top fade because my sides were smashed in, he was gracious.

There’s one thing that my husband has absolutely NO tolerance for, and that is a frohawk. He detests them. If a frohawk was a person, he’d probably burn him or her at the stake. Ok, maybe he doesn’t dislike them THAT much. He doesn’t hate fro hawks in general, but he doesn’t care for how they look on me. Over the last 3+ years of my natural journey, I’ve worn frohawks many times. I had no idea how much he disliked them until a couple of months ago. O__o

I, on the other hand, LOVE frohawks. Its my favorite style in the whole wide world. If a frohawk was a person, it would be my best friend. We’d dress alike and EVERYTHING. Seriously. What about you?

Is there a particular natural hair style that you rock that your significant other hates? If so, what is it? Do tell. 😉

49 Comments

  • Anonymous says:

    My SO is fearful of the straightened hair–I've actually never straightened it since we've been together. He's like "will it go back curly?" Otherwise, he loves my fros, twists, updos, etc….although I rarely wear my fro out anymore b/c the detangling at this length is a beast!

  • Anonymous says:

    So my BF loves my hair in a twist-out or braid-out look, and loves when i put jeweled or flowered hair clips in it. He definitely hates when i wear protective hair styles that are braided up do's, I'm guessing since he cant run his fingers through it on those days. He tells me all the time he loves it when it looks all " Big, Wild and Curly", its a big turn on for him Lol. When he first met me I just finished transitioning.My hair is about shoulder length when blown straight. When i met his whole family for the first time on Thanksgiving lets just say all of the women (young and old) in his family were natural. It was beautiful sight sitting amongst a group of beautiful black women with fro's, dreads, braids, and twist.

  • Nicole B- 4EverNicole says:

    My love, bless his heart loves my hair long and straight *crickets* it not either of those anymore sooooo i've learned not to ask about my natural styles sparing my own feelings lol but i love em they make me feel great i never loved my hair as mush as i do now (current long term transitioner) 🙂

  • Anonymous says:

    So…my lovely babe doesn't care for the two french braids or flat twists going down on the sides of my head. Seeing as how this is my go to hairstyle on days that my hair is attacking me and must be subdued… You may wonder like I wonder…WHY?! He always comments it makes me look like a little kid. I guess he doesn't go for the "I look so much older than my girl" look. However, HOWEVER, after it's freashly washed and I use ECO styling gel to do them, he compliments that. Oh it's the same exact style but flatter, wavier, neater I guess. No puffiness. BUT he likes my hair in an afro or in little ringlets. Go figure. And men say women are picky. Pssh! Whatever! lol

  • DuvaLH3 says:

    @Taylor – Thanks for making us more aware. I know I feel more included when writers use both "he" and "she".

    Upon inquiring I learned that my s/o hates a puff. This floors me because I am nearing two years post big chop and I was excited to show length, esp since my hair is once inch shrunken and 7 inches stretched.

    Since the shrunken twa is so easy I just stick to it and consider it a win/win. But I still pull out a puff every now and again when I'm feeling bored.

  • Anonymous says:

    I'm not sure what style my boyfriend dislikes but he always has something to say about my hair when I have it in a puff. He calls me afro thunder or puff daddy. I'm assuming this is his least favorite style because when I wear it in a twist out or any other style…no comment. Puffs are my fav style because it's the least amount of maintenance during the winter. I have reduced it to 4 times a week instead of every day:)

  • K.A.S. says:

    My husband loves my hair in twists, up, down, you name it. The bigger the better, too. However, I used to rock the "frohawk" when my hair was shorter and it looked great. I tried to rock it again this past summer and he thought it looked way to 80's. That's the only time he's mentioned he hated my hair. Every other time, he comments on how great it looks. I did have some reservations about the style as well because my hair was longer, it didn't have the same affect.

    So I've since left the frohawk behind and moved on to more vintage inspired updos and curly afros, more suitable for my length. He loves it!

  • Anonymous says:

    My Husband is very supportive. He stopped me from relapsing in my twa days..lol but now that my hair is longer (7 months) I have attempted many styles..he hates twist and anything with a pompadour. He loves my big twist out and my wash and go. He says he likes my hair natural 100x better than my relaxed hair even though he liked my hair then. He says it has more personality (if that makes sense..) I agree.

  • Unknown says:

    My husband prefers HEIGHT and BIGNESS. Period. He loves it out, full, and huge. Any style pulled down in a flat-on-top style is just not appealing to him.

  • Anonymous says:

    My husband likes my hair in twistouts or twists. He would be happy if I wore my hair in twists constantly. He always states he wants to have my hair professionally twisted. However, I do not want to waste his money because I prefer to wear my hair out. He has been very supportive in my natural journey and actually loves my hair. Always state that it looks well kept..lol. Concerning the frohawk, it is not a good look on everyone. It fact, I think you have to have amazing bone structure to carry it off. Keeping it simple is always best.

  • Chilynn says:

    Lol, the stories are so awesomes. My s/o is Arab and he loves my hair when its "…..all fuzzy and curly", and he just recently told me he dislikes "…the scalp twist things that I wear to bed (my poor attempts at flat twists)." He also told me that his father warned him to be gentle with women when their hair is fuzzy hair because whenever his mother would wake up with fuzzy hair, she would pick fights with him. 🙂 When I get angry with him over something, he calls me "fuzzy wuzzy", tells me the story of the fuzzy haired woman, and then hugs me/strokes my hair (I think that the anger diffusing tactic he learned from his father).

  • Janel says:

    My husband cannot stand weaves! He tells me all the time that I used to wear "horse hair." 😐 I looovvee me some braids, but I haven't had them since we've been together. Maybe it's for the best, because the last time I got micros was after I started wearing my hair natural (twists) and I noticed that my hair was a lot longer before I got the braids put in. I had been putting my hair in twists for 5 months, then blow dried it for the first time in months to get micros and I noticed my hair was HUGE. Three months later, when I had the micros taken out, my hair was shorter. 🙁 I still want to try kinky twists though. I think they'd be super cute on me.

  • Anonymous says:

    I think I have only worn a frohawk once in my natural hair journey of about 1.5 years (and I was single at the time). I guess it just didn't grow on me. My BF absolutely loves my hair in a "fluffy" blown out twist out. That's not even how my hair was when I met him (it was in a beanie) but he loves it. Every time I wear it in a protective style or hat he asks me "why isn't it fluffy like last time?" and proceeds to try and fluff it up lol. its cute. My best friend is Puerto Rican and he loves my hair when it is big also. He refers to it as "in its natural African state" (in a compliment sort of way lol I'm Nigerian) I haven't had any sort of negative feedback from anyone on this journey, now that I think about it. I've actually inspired some of my friends to go natural also.

  • Anonymous says:

    My husband hates them & it's ok because I hate them too. It's just not a style that's flattering to me. It looks cool on small children, but after the age of 9 for boys, it's not cute, girls can rock it until maybe 17. Other than that, they're just juvenile and should only be worn on the runway or in a rocked out magazine photo shoot. Just my thoughts on any kind of Mohawk!

  • Salonselects.com says:

    First of all I love your hair! I don't have a hairstyle that my husband hates. However about a year ago he started a mohawk which i HATED!Now though it has grown on me and i actually think its pretty sexy:)

  • Anonymous says:

    Hi Nikki,

    I am a big fan of your blog and I have definitely learned plenty of tricks for my natural style! (I've been natural for a year…would be three years, but my stylist somehow convinced me to try a texturizer…never again!!!)

    Anyhoo, I appreciate that you encourage self confidence as one of the most important things a natural woman can have and that you've created a space where we can all come together and connect! However, I do think that you could change one minor detail in your blogs. Rather that use the title "Your man and your natural hair styles" why not "Your boo/significant other/honey/etc and your natural hair styles"? I identify as a queer woman, and seeing strictly heteronormative language is common, but it is alienating for me and for other lgbtq and allied folks. I am used to seeing hetero language as the default, but I ALWAYS notice when bloggers choose to use gender neutral language instead. Gender neutral language lets me know that my life and the people I love are included in the conversation, and it brings me great joy when I am able to feel this way. Gender neutral language also signifies that your blog is a safe space for other queer people. That little difference in language makes a world of difference for people like me, thus I ask that you consider using gender neutral language in your future posts.

    If you'd like to get in contact with me personally to discuss, please respond to this comment and I will see that we are connected. I will refrain from posting my email on this blog such that I do not receive hate mail (something I always have to be cognizant of.) I am well versed in lgbtq issues as I currently work at a campus LGBT community center. Also, if there is something I do not personally know, I know of plenty of other people who may know the answer!

    Take care, and happy new year!

    Taylor

  • Rae A. says:

    I do not currently have a SO, but I am constantly worried about what guys I'm interested in think about my hair. I think most of my close friends and family like my hair stretched and defined — i.e. a twist-out. They're not huge fans of my wash and go's (though I am, so there! *sticks tongue out* lol)

  • Anjahlee says:

    It's not so much the hairstyle but the at night maintenance. The bonnet makes me look like a grandma he says.

  • Unknown says:

    My husband doesn't like my puff. Don't know why I never asked him. He likes my hair in twists.

  • Anonymous says:

    My BF loves my natural hair but hates it in a puff…which i love!

  • Anonymous says:

    @Cygnet

    It seems like this guy just isn't into your natural hair choices; which is fine because everyone has a preference and frankly, I think his ethnicity plays a factor. But you shouldn't be jumping through hoops and allowing him to govern all your styles/color, seeing that you aren't even in a committed relationship.
    I feel that women too often make changes for the sake of getting and keeping a man. It's a horrible way to start a relationship. By changing the things you love, you are giving him power over you as an individual. Today it's your hair but who knows what he'll criticize next?

  • LaNeshe says:

    My husband doesn't like buns. The bigger and crazier my hair is, the better to him.

  • Ms. KeepingItReal says:

    Hey!! I have been with the same person since 2005 and although he is not my hubby one day he will be lol. With that being said, he absolutely hates my hair in a mohawk. I on the other hand love it, especially when my hair was first chopped off and long enough to put in one. It was up and go for me and it was sassy. Needless to say, I only wear it now when he is out of town lol!!!!

  • Netta Dee says:

    I just BC'd and my hubby loves it simply because I'm happy. One thing I know he loves is braids because I don't take a lot of time to get ready,

  • MesaIsaGoddess says:

    My boyfriend is thee most supportive and has been since I BC'd. He loves every hair style except when my puff isn't defined. There have been times he'll ask if I could twist out the top to refresh it!

  • Anonymous says:

    My boyf loves my hair when it is worn out in a really huge stretched Afro, he hates it when I wear a wash and go as my hair is too small!

  • jesusislove1526 says:

    My husband did not like my hair right after I big chopped, even though it was 7+ inches long. It may have been because the last time he saw me the night before I had 12+ inches of hair, and when he woke up, I was at 7 inches. It took a little bit for him to get used to it, but it didn't take long. Also, he doesn't like the afro look at all.

  • hairscapades says:

    Cygnet, in regard to the color, if you want to retain the benefits of henna but lose the color (as you said, for your own reasons), try cassia instead. It doesn't last as long because it doesn't have the dye deposit of henna. But, it does act as a conditioning agent, giving her sheen and softness from what I understand.

    I'm going to leave the non-boyfriend with stereotypical thing alone … except to say … be careful with that if his thinking extends beyond hair; you may not want a marriage proposal;). 'Nuff said.

    Shelli

  • cygnet says:

    He's not my boyfriend, but he's the man closest to me right now. He's of a different ethnicity, and he has a lot of preconceptions and stereotypical thinking in his head sometimes. His least favorite style on me is individual plaits or twists. He doesn't differentiate between them, and he calls them all dreadlocks, even though I repeatedly remind him of the differences among the three. Every time I do them—far less frequently lately than before the end of summer—he calls me a gangsta and threatens to make me pose for a photo of myself doing a gang sign, not that I know how to even do such a thing. I could wear a lopsided afro, and he'd prefer it to neat, freshly done twists

    Even more, he hates what henna has done to my hair colorwise. He's begging me to go back to my natural color, and every time he sees any little sign that looks as though I may be halfway thinking about it—even something as simple as delaying another henna glossing—he gets all excited and hopeful and actually starts cheering. He openly pleads with people who compliment me to not do so, because while the majority of people indicate that they love the color on me, he wants absolute zero encouragement in any form from anyone else to influence me to consider continuing to use the henna for color. Since I never wanted it as dark as it is, I'm actively transitioning to a lighter shade. I'll probably phase it out altogether in the forseeable future, but it'll be for my own reasons rather than for any preference of his. Unless he decides to marry me, then I'll discontinue the color so I can have some peace in my house :-). After all, he's not asking me for a relaxer; he already knows that ain't happenin' :-).

  • Coily Curly Doni says:

    I've always wondered what my husband thought about my natural hair. But never took the time to ask, it seemed silly. But, I must say your post prompted a discussion about what he thinks about my hair and to my surprise he said he likes my natural hair. He likes the way it curls up and he likes my lazy bun. He does not like my dc days. Thank you for creating a beautiful moment in my home.

  • Anonymous says:

    i agree with hubby, sorry. since I've been natural I've worn my share of them as a back up style or second day style, but that was when i was younger. now that my style has changed they don't enter the circuit anymore. a lot of styles like fro hawks make me look very young (I'm 21 but people often think I'm 15) so now that I'm more versed on natural hair I've found lots of other styles!

  • Joie says:

    mini twists for some reason 0.o

  • Anonymous says:

    He hated the wigs and weaves I used to hide under! When I recently bleached (Yikes, right?) and dyed some of my hair a brill violet color he let me know I shouldn't do it, But didn't stop me.

    Style wise he has yet to say he doesn't like anything I do. (Even my failures.) but does enjoy when I straighten my hair. (Which is only once a year on her Anny.)

  • KISS says:

    My husband hates wash and go's, and i love them. He said my hair looks like i got a Jheri curl, and he doesn't like Jheri curls very much.

  • Anonymous says:

    He didn't like the short when i first big chopped. And now he likes it more as it grows out he's interested in seeing how it looks as it gets longer. So he holds his opinion and told me he'd be open minded.I know he doesn't like the fro-hawk but on me he does since i twist the sides. Also he loves putting his hands in it when it's fluffed he calls me fluffy. especially on good moisture days. 🙂

  • Anonymous says:

    My SO at the time LOVED my caesar, but hates that its grown out. He says the more hair, the less he sees of my face. My current SO (lol)does not like it when I wear my hear shrunken (which I love). He's not hung up on length, but he just likes to keep his hands in my hair 😉

  • Anonymous says:

    Background: I've been natural for about 5 years but only until the last 2 years have I begun to wear it in any way other than straight or braids with extensions.

    My husband hates my hair. He would never tell me like that. He says, "I'm not a fan of the afro." He only compliments my hair when it is straight. It's hard sometimes…because I care that he thinks I'm pretty.

    But guess what…I care about me a little bit more. We have been together for just about 20 years, married for 9. We have grown up together. And if he wants 20 more he betta grow to love the fro!

  • Anonymous says:

    I definitely just had an omg moment…. I soo met the woman in this pic on the train in NY the other dayyyyyy!! She was so helpful and her personality matches her hair… gorgeous!

  • Anonymous says:

    My s/o hates afros, and isn't really into twists either, so I'm trying a Bantu knot out this weekend. We'll see how it goes.

  • hairscapades says:

    This post makes me laugh because my SO recently wasn't too keen on me getting Afro puffy twists, my winter protective style. It's not the twists themselves … it's the added hair. He is not keen on fake hair, synthetic or real … he can't figure out which is worse. But, you don't have to take my word for it … you can read it in his own words as he guest writes for my blog;):

    http://hairscapades.com/2011/10/27/a-seasonal-do-maybe-a-please-dont/

    LOL!

    Shelli

  • Anonymous says:

    my hates the puff he rather it be twisted.

  • Trice (BreatheFashion3c) says:

    Well I am single and ready to mingle lol….however I do always make sure my hair is to MY liking. That way when I do meet Mr. Right, he will know up front what he is getting. If it attracted him and didnt stop him from approaching me, he must like it lol. I know marriage and relationships are all about compromise though, so when he comes, i may buckle a little lol.

  • Candace4life says:

    @jenellybean

    Congratulations on the arrival of your newborn son :).

  • Jenell : BlakIzBeautyful says:

    My hubby hasn't said "I dont like when you wear your hair like that", in fact he usually comments on how nice my hair is.

    BUT whenever I throw on a beanie, my hubby says "Why dont you do your hair?" ASSUMING THAT MY HAIR AINT DONE! lol

    www.KinkyCurlyCoilyMe.com

  • Punee says:

    Mines, he hates the fro and headband combo. Especially in the twa phase. But he likes the twist outs and has his hand it in constantly.

  • Beauty As Designed says:

    He hate's minitwists! I'm not sure why, I believe that my hair has not reached a good enough length for him(lol) but I love twists, I am really able to retain moisture with them.

  • Anonymous says:

    My husband hasn't announced any hair style he dislikes as of yet since I am only 6 months in and its still basically a TWA, but he did show some concern of me shaving the back of my hair down again when I told him I was going in for a trim. He did it lovingly stating he just liked the little curls in the back that were growing in verses the shaved look since I have big chopped. He didnt mind it shaved with the perm. I guess its just likes and dislikes….nothing serious, because he is my biggest cheerleader on this natural journey.

  • sammiegotsoul says:

    Shooooooot , I wish I had a significant other to begin with . My significant other as a whole is my immediate family . They didn't take to my big chop ( of 1 week 3 days ) very well . My smaller brother said to me " what is everyone gonna say when you go back to school ( we are in break from school currently " . But little does he know that I truely live for me and I intend to do so . I love it , I say if you love your that's all that matters

  • Anonymous says:

    My husband hated my hair when I big chopped down to 1/2 inch. I thought he hated my natural hair, but he just didn't like the length- said I looked like my brother. 🙁 lol.

    He loves the way I wear my hair now that it's longer- no matter if I wear twists, twist outs, updos or straightened looks.

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